Truth and Integrity

What is integrity? What is it? How does it work and what does it mean to different people in their quest for truth?

Integrity and what it means can look very different, depending on who you are. Integrity is remaining congruent with that greater part of you while maintaining an authentic representation of your self with respect to your journey.

There are very few (possibly no) universal truths on which we as the human race can all agree. Nevertheless, you and I maintain truths that are apparent to each of us, and even these are subject to change as we grow and change. Even two people can view the same incident and report what they’ve seen very differently, based on their perspective and their own life’s experience and language patterns. Unless they have some nefarious motivation their differences are not considered untrue. Just because you’re interpretation of something is different from someone else’s does not mean either one of you, or anyone else is a liar.

It’s highly unlikely that two people could possibly write the same report word for word regarding any incident witnessed due to the fact that we are different people and we all see things differently based on who we are. Our lives, experiences and what is meaningful to us varies immensely among our population, The onus is on you to determine what is truth to you. Certainly there are people who have researched and specialized in different disciplines, but it is up to you what to adopt as truth to you at any given time, remembering that this is always subject to change due to access to new information. Therefore, what was true for you yesterday may not be true for you today.

Being true and congruent with what you currently believe while honoring the right of others to have a contrasting belief is the integrous approach to evaluating truth. You are not responsible for what another person believes. There is no need to change what they believe, as it is up to each person to make their own way and discover their own truths along their own individual journeys.

Your personal vibration and your intuitive heart-mind connection will help you to determine what truth means to you in any given moment, understanding that truth is ever-evolving, there may be moments of uncertainty during the reevaluation process. The more in tune you are with your heart’s frequency vibration, the faster the evolvement of your truth. As your personal vibration continues to raise, so will your perception of higher truths. Temper this personal growth with tolerance, allowing others to do the best they can with what they have without judgment.

An integral portion of your life’s purpose is to observe, nurture and maintain your expanding vision of truth, utilizing your heart’s connection to source to help you discern advancements and their validity to your consciousness.

As you adopt new revelations you may be compelled to share your new insights with others. By all means do so. But do not insist that anyone else see things from your perspective. Let others take what they resonate with as they plant and care for it in their garden of truth. Allow others to let your other seeds of truth which they are not ready for to fall on the ground. You never know which seeds left unattended on the surface will germinate and grow on their own.

Our world and our connection to it is changing. The archaic institutions and systems of control (including our imposed belief systems) are losing their effectiveness and validity. New, expanding and evolutionary thought is the key to the sustainability of our future. You are an active part of this evolution which is taking place at this moment.

Your contribution to help in making the world a better place is discerning your own truth as it emerges and becomes refined in your heart and mind. Being congruent to this process of revelation in integrity is imperative to your ability to contribute.

None of us holds the entirety of all the truth. Each of us maintain our own specialty and only together can we achieve a better understanding of emerging truths, and when we unite in love, together we can achieve a higher vibration and evolutionary expansion affecting the whole world.

Flip the Switch

When you find yourself amidst a bad experience, drowning in a sea of despair, sinking in helpless solitude and it seems as if all hope is lost, flip the switch.

I’m not suggesting a lackluster or empty parroting of, “look at the bright side,” that would be disrespectful. I do not disrespect your pain, I honor it. And so should you. It is in these moments that we are transformed into a higher version of ourselves. Not to sound cliché, we grow and expand through the pain, where we meet an enlightened, newer version of our self on the other side of tragedy.

A Tale of Two Vics

Vic is a forty-year-old Cancer patient, who lost his wife. She died last year of advanced liver disease which was undiagnosed until in its final stages. He confronts his son who is also reeling from the loss of his mother and encourages the reluctant youth to find joy in life and go to the prom. The proud father finances his son’s tuxedo and is happy seeing his son embracing life as he and his date go to the prom. That was the last time Vic saw his son alive, as they were killed in an auto accident. After laying to rest both his wife and his son, Vic all but left his life, as he hid inside his home, until his lifeless body was found.

Another Cancer patient also named Vic, whose wife committed suicide following his diagnosis, following his son’s death, killed by a drunk driver, found a renewed sense of purpose, answered the call and started a local crisis line, created a parent-founded limousine service for local high school students, and travels the country giving hope to those whose lives have lost any sense of reason… and his Cancer is in remission.

One Vic is the victim, the other is the victor. You choose which Vic you will be, even if you cannot find a way to resonate with such a thought when embroiled in the passion of the moment.

When you are in the eye of the storm, it is unlikely that you can see a way out, and it appears there is little hope of the storm passing.

If you are faced with life circumstances that appear to be insurmountable, this is the calling forth of the hero who lies dormant within you. This is that critical moment in time, will you fall victim to the circumstance or rise and find a way through the challenge to emerge passionately victorious, a light to others who would otherwise be lost in the darkness of the deepest moments of life’s night.

All of us face these moments. What will you do? Will you collapse in sorrow, a victim of allowing the victim’s mentality to overwhelm and engulf you until there is nothing left, or will you answer the call and emerge victorious?

All you need is a few precious moments to gain enough perspective and composure to attain enough balance to launch your process of dealing with and overcoming the challenges. You can do this. You were born to face this moment and you were given all the tools necessary to deal with every obstacle you encounter in this life.

All you need you have and it is available to you now in this moment. Do not disrespect the bad things, instead flip the switch and find that small ember and nurse it into your barn-burning celebration.

If we embrace the bad things that we encounter throughout our life’s journey, and move on through the transformative movement, we can be the lighthouse to others lost in the storms of life.

You are the lighthouse.

The World’s Best Kept Secret

You are the world’s best kept secret.

While you navigate and interact with the world as we know it, you do your best to understand other people whom you meet along your journey. You watch, listen and even try to put yourself in their shoes in an effort to understand them, and in some ways we can find ways to perceive or understand them, but you can never truly know them. How do you know? Because you are the world’s best kept secret.

No one knows who you are

When you think about it, no one can ever really know who you are. Even if you try to be totally transparent and open, revealing everything about yourself and going through rigorous efforts to try to get someone to understand who you really are and what you really think or feel, it is impossible to relate the totality of your personage to another person because

No one knows what you think

That part of you which is boundless exists and thrives in the intimate spaces between your words, actions, biochemistry, and other methods of observable communication occupied by you and only you are your thoughts. Nobody knows what goes on inside that head of yours; no one. You are the personification of the idea that, “Still waters run deep.”

No one knows what you feel

Everything that you experience or feel in this life is not simply the observation of life though your five senses. Your feelings, the way you feel about something, or the nearly unlimited array of feelings that only you can feel cannot be authentically understood, felt or known by another person. Not even the world’s most attuned, sensitive, empathetic being can know the breadth of feeling as can only be experienced by you.

You hide behind your disguise

You do, I do, and we all hide behind our respected disguises. We represent ourselves to our communities as we might like to be perceived. We allow different versions of our selves to be revealed (or more correctly “projected on”) to others depending on the level of intimacy we maintain with the recipient of each particular projection.

Still we try to know someone else

Even though each one of us holds our inner most thoughts so dear, never to be fully shared with any other human being, still in our desire to connect with others, we imagine we can see into the life, heart and mind of someone else, even when we know this degree of intimacy is highly improbable. We have impeccable knowledge of the impossibility of anyone else knowing us fully, yet we hold onto the illusion that we can know someone else and act surprised when we witness some unexpected personal revelation. This dichotomy is referred to as asymmetric insight among the mental health community.

And we want to be understood

There is a part of you that wants to be understood, yet no one could possibly know you. And if given half the chance, even if you could allow someone to see everything inside of you, you wouldn’t willingly allow it. But, you do have certain parts of you that you long to share with another person who resonates with your perspective; someone who would agree with you and support your point of view, if it could understood as you understand it without judgment. We all seek this harmonic balance with another being.

Tolerance is the key

So the key to this conundrum is tolerance. The idea that, “I am me and you are he and we are all together,” such as conceived by John Lennon in his cryptic song in which he dons the disguise of the walrus, refers to us. We are all what we are, that is all we can be and we can only do the best we can with what we have. We all suffer from the same human condition and the best we can do is to understand that we are all okay.

If you want to be honored for who you are, the only way to have any hope of being respected by anyone else is to first honor others with the same respect you might like.

No need to make it so complicated.
You are one. And so are we.
We can do this.

Are You Hiding Your Treasure?

I have the privilege (if I can call it that) of knowing a few people who have an enormous amount of financial resources held in secret. These are people who have millions of dollars invested and hidden away from view of anyone. By examining their lives, there is no way you could possibly conceive of the idea that any of these people might have any more financial resources than you. If anything, looking at the way they live, you are more likely to think they have much less than you, and you may feel compelled to offer to buy them lunch, or offer them a few dollars to help them out, because while they are likeable and have a great deal of potential, they seem somewhat pitiful and you feel sorry for them.

Here are people who have millions (I refer to demonstrable wealth), yet they live the lives of those less fortunate. Why would they do such a thing?

It’s not unreasonable to judge them, or jump to conclusion about why someone might live such a life, because if it were you or me, we would be thinking about enjoying some of that hidden treasure. We think that it would not be unreasonable to live in a nice house, drive a nice car, have some nice clothes and a few baubles… a few modest luxuries would not even make a dent in this pile of hidden wealth. Not to mention the incredible good that could be done. How many people could be fed, housed, healed, or otherwise helped with some of these resources, which remain hidden from the world?

If we are aware of their state (or acting as if they are in poverty, but secretly maintain huge hidden financial resources locked away in a vault in a non-disclosed location), we might refer to them as miserly, or possibly consider them mentally challenged or deranged. If anything you might think they must be extremely fearful about money and its effect on the human condition. And to think of the consequences, these vast financial resources are so well hidden, that even in the passing of these individuals, friends, family, spouses or no other human would possibly be a potential beneficiary of their undisclosed wealth.

When I met the first person, living a incongruent life, like this, I thought he was probably the only person in the world with this particular disorder. But since then, I have met several others, some in my pastoral work and another through the results of an extensive private investigation.

What are your thoughts about this kind of individual?

When I see something in someone else that irks me, gets stuck in my craw, makes my skin crawl, or causes me to raise an eyebrow, maybe not initially but as quickly as possible I try to gain enough composure to ask myself if I am witnessing a metaphor of my own life.

Do I possess treasures that I harbor from my peers?

What skills, talents and ideas do I possess that I keep hidden from others? What am I fearful of, that if I disclosed or demonstrated it, might not be understood or valued (as much as I value it) by others? Is it possible to consider that the effects of what I might have to share (which I am reluctant to do) be less than possible for others to accept, or may have a negative effect in or upon the lives of others? Do these or other questions and/or fear keep me from sharing it with others?

This applies to you and I, and we think there is something so romantic about the idea of Clark Kent or Diana Prince. If only we could maintain a low profile secret identity, offering the ability to live a normal life, while being able to fully exercise our abilities as Superman or Wonder Woman (but we, too, are afraid, inhibited or feel unworthy).

The individuals on which this thought was based, certainly have mastered their secret identities, but have created identities that are as protected as are their hordes of financial cash, and there is a sadness that comes from seeing all that potential good go to waste, only to be inherited by an off-shore bank by abandonment. We think what a waste.

Likewise, what a waste it is for you or me to not share our hidden treasure(s) with our communities or the world at large.

Is the time now that you start to find ways to release some of your hidden treasure, to find ways to share it that may benefit others, possibly even positively affect or even save the lives of others?

If it is time, know this: There are people out there, like me, whose mission in life is to assist others in releasing their treasure and letting their light shine, like a beacon of hope to others.

You are not alone.

Do not die with your treasure hidden away, with no possibility of making the world a better place.

The world needs you now.

Red Pill or Blue Pill?

As you approach life and become more aware and able to see things as they really are, you are able to get a glimpse of how things actually are and you’re discovering that the thoughts, beliefs, ideals and principles that you once revered as undeniable truths are not as they were represented to you.

You start to question things…

Once you’ve discovered that one or more things that have been beat into your head as constructs of thought to control your perception of what is and what is not, it makes you wonder and ask the question,

“What else have I been indoctrinated with?”

You look at things from different perspectives and notice inconsistencies, cracks in the surface which if investigated, lead you to underground chasms filled with data that makes you question even more. You start to realize that much, if not all, that you believed in and held so closely dear to you, are misrepresentations force fed to you in an effort to control your mind, and you start to

Question Everything

As you dig deeper, you find that not only you, but everyone (or almost everyone) you know is also a victim of this massive deception. At first, you become angry at those who have filled your head with all these lies, and then you realize, they, too, are victims of this sinister programming.

They are so embroiled with the lies, that they have no choice but to propagate the deceit. They are so compelled to insist that the lies are true; they are willing to fight, even die, in the defense of it.

What can you do with this awareness?

Good question. It doesn’t take long to figure out, if you tell anyone close to you about your discoveries, they will initiate their protocol to defend their programmed hyperbole by any means necessary. They will make fun of you, intimidate you, or accuse you of losing touch with reality because they have been indoctrinated so pervasively. They may refer you to medical professionals who can prescribe medication which is designed to keep you from questioning your programming. At some point, either literally, or metaphorically, you are faced with a decision of selecting,

The Red Pill or the Blue Pill

The blue pill is the one you’ve been force-fed since birth. You’ve blindly taken your daily dose of blue every day. The blue pill makes you susceptible to all the programming to which you are exposed every day.

The blue pill keeps us fearful and insecure but the taking of it promises to keep us safe and secure as we allow ourselves to wither into complacency and mediocrity.

Most everyone in your world since your emergence on this planet has spent a lifetime taking the blue pill and they know no other way to be. They believe that if anyone were to question the blue, they must be corrected, exiled or possibly even exterminated.

Then there is the red pill. The red pill neutralizes the effects of the blue pill and allows you to see things as they really are. Once you have taken the red pill, you are blasted into a shocking state of confusion, because you are so used to being under the influence of the blue pill.

It’s no wonder that many, who have experimented with the red pill, quickly abandon the idea and rush to re-ingest the blue pill.

If you decide to keep taking the red pill you will no doubt start seeking others who are taking the red pill and you may feel a sort of kinship with redders whom you might think are like-minded. Just be aware that even among the redders, there are still users who while they are expanding are still dragging attributes of the blues along with them. (We all do this to some degree as we are on the path to enlightenment.)

The red journey is one to be taken by you, alone, though you may commiserate and frolic with redders along the way, keep in mind to cease to expand will lead to stagnation. And while not progressing or continuing to evolve can be somewhat comfortable, the decision must be yours whether you will subside into complacency, or continue to grow and expand.

Finding Peace in Chaos

You can’t help but see our world is drowning in negativity and chaos. Any time you expose yourself to media you can’t help but exposed yourself to the worst possible state of the human condition. Exposing yourself to this barrage of bad news can cause your personal vibration to tank, reaching unfathomable depths. Any hope of finding peace in chaos seems so far off, if not impossible.

These negative feelings which include floods of sadness and depression prevent your expansion and submitting yourself to anger or rage hinders your evolution. This results in feeling helpless and feeling as though you are a hapless victim of life as the fear of possibly not making it though another day without facing negativity continues to grow.

The world is based on non-sustainable processes which lead to preventing decline in the human condition. To accelerate powerful agendas and hinder your potential evolution, you must believe that the world is in a difficult state, and the best that you can hope for is a mediocre life in a world where life is so hard and accepting your position within the rat race as it looks as if the rest of the world is in chaotic deterioration and destruction all around you.

So what can you do to get on the other side of the chaos?

One effective action you can take is to remove yourself from the equation. You can stop exposing yourself to these low vibrational states simply by intravenous feed of the media. You are being force-fed this unfathomable negativity, but you have complete control of it. All you have to do is to stop the feed, to stop participating by refusing to expose yourself to it.

Try to do this in private and do not boast about your decision to unplug the dysfunction, because society has trained your peers to police your participation. They will name-call, berate you and accuse you of ignorance to get you to cease your media hiatus. Nonetheless, sometimes stopping the bombardment of the negative feeds is the only way to gain enough emotional balance to attempt other ways of finding peace in chaos.

The good news is that there are other tactics available to all of us that are keys to

Finding Peace in Chaos

First, realizing that the decline of the world as we know it is a major key to the evolutionary process is invaluable. In order for our country and the world to move to the next step of our evolution as a species and the planet we inhabit, the world must fail as it is, as a new, more enlightened, world can emerge. In this respect, the decline of our current model of civilization is necessary for us to create a better world.

Anticipate Evolution

In this respect, understanding that the powers which exert every possible resource to control us, gives us hope that a new way of abundant living, being, growing, expanding and enlightenment is coming, and you can play an active part in this change.

Every time you see, hear, witness or are exposed to something bad, this is a clear indication that something good is coming. Anticipate the positive evolution is taking place and know this process requires change. Change can be extremely painful, unflattering or hard to understand and sometimes something must be destroyed before it can be replaced with something good.

If you feel like the world is in a horrible state, you can refocus your attention to find goodness and mercy everywhere you look. You can’t see it if your view is obscured by the constant barrage of negativity.

Seek Goodness

Refocus your attention from the active decline of the current system and turn it towards those things which are good. Your diligence and purposefully focusing on seeking out the good things that are happening all around you, and I promise you, if you look for love, you will find it. Love exists all around us, just as also you can find all the freedom, compassion and forgiveness all around you, if you seek out manifestations of positivity you will be rewarded. In the unveiling and witnessing that even amidst the chaos, there is a world of good in abundance brings you a sense of hope and peace.

Create a perpetual state of positivity by finding ways to immerse yourself in a sea of all things good. It really is a choice, you can channel surf the television and complain about how bad things are, or you could turn it off. All media is not bad. There are good things you can expose yourself to, though it may take some effort to find positive media outlets which only feed your positive outlook on life and all the good things this life has to offer.

Be Gracious

Focus on being thankful for all the good things in life, instead of life’s injustices or shortfalls and adopt a state of gracious gratitude for all life’s blessings. If you do this, you will begin to find yourself finding more things to be grateful for.

Social Media

If you’re spending a great deal of time plugged in to social media, this is likely counterproductive due to first imposing the false belief that this is neutral media exposure. This is where it starts as you think that it is a safe use of your available time, until one day you awaken from the haze to realize the prevalence of negativity. Social media can keep you inactive or complacent in creating a better life for yourself.

Instead, look for other forms of inspirational media which resonates with you that promote a more positive outlook, such as books or movies and you will find your spirit lifting in the presence of that which is good.

Explore Nature

Explore the creation which exists all around you. You might find a safe walk in the wilderness, relaxing by the lake, watching to waves caress the seashore, listening to and feeding (if not prohibited by law) the birds, taking a hike in nature. She has so much she wants to share with you, but you will never be able to see it, if you do not venture out and give her the opportunity to bless you with the natural beauty which is ever at your beck and call.

Don’t Believe Anything

You know better now. Once you believed in childhood ideals which later in life we found out that these things were not true. Truth and what you believe in is subject to change upon exposure to new information of your own personal growth and expansion. Be open to having your paradigms shift as you grow and change your perspective. Often things are not actually as they appear in life, especially when they are filtered by corporate media outlets. Be smart and responsible for what you are exposed to and how you interpret it.

Follow Your Feelings

If you are exposed to something in the media that does not resonate with that highest and best part of you, pull the plug. And if something enrages you, do not succumb to that negativity. Instead be that you’re being summoned to respond and offer a positive alternative to that which embroils your gumption.

See the Opportunity

Bad things are an opportunity for you to do something good. You can support an organization, volunteer or start a movement yourself that provides solution to whatever irks you.

Stop – Start – Be

Stop being a victim, start finding the love, and if you’re so inspired be the change.

How to Be an Expansion Explorer

There are many paths and possibilities for expansion explorers. Even so, there are similarities shared among these travelers on the way to enlightenment. If you’re wondering how to be an expansion explorer, here are some of the road markers you might find along the way:


Expansion explorer are often finding ways to experience feelings of peace and relaxation, allowing them to find calm amidst the chaotic storm of life. Meditation, binaural beats, prayer, praise, soaking in a hot tub to soft music and candlelight in solitude, or any of the other ways to take a peaceful reprieve from the otherwise hectic pace of life.

Disempowering the Past

Expansion explorers find ways to let go of the demons of their past which might haunt them or otherwise hinder their growth or hold them back. We all have things from the past which have accumulated since birth that cause us to be fearful or experience negative emotion lurking in the dark recesses of our minds.

Oh Well

While sounding irreverent, “Oh, well,” summarizes the ability of the expansion explorer to acknowledge anything that may be negative, without allowing the negative emotional impact to overwhelm their state of being. At first blush, “Oh, well,” might sound offensive, but the expansion explorer finds ways to let go of the control negativity has over their state of being, while passively respecting the content. In this way, they can hear of a terrible tragedy, that would otherwise cripple them emotionally, to honor the content without allowing an overwhelming emotional reaction to throw them off track or distract them.

Someone witnessing such a skill might ask, “What? Don’t you care?” To which the expansion explorer replies something to the effect, “Yes, I care. Just not too much.” as they continue to stay focused on their personal growth, ministry or mission. They allow others who are more qualified, and whose mission it is to respond to the negative news, to respond appropriately, realizing everyone has a part to play in the theater of life, and trusting they will do their best to do the right thing.

It’s Okay to Feel Bad

Even expansion explorers have a bad day, or experience negative feelings, just like anyone else, but they do react and deal with these challenges differently than most people. First off, they know that denying the feeling is not an effective method of dealing with it, because it takes root somewhere hidden deep inside and infects the potentially good feelings with bad feelings, like a virus. So instead of fighting it, they let themselves get fully engulfed with all the pain they can imagine from the bad feeling(s). Then, as quickly as possible, having given over to it without reservation, find ways to see the hidden treasure in the tragedy or injustice, as well as healing any residual wounds that may have resulted from the incident and gaining emotional freedom. We are all entitled to having our emotions sink to depths of despair, but none of us have to live there. To give-in to a negative emotion, and stay there, drains your personal power.

Personal Growth

Finding your own way and clearing your own path leads to your personal and/or spiritual growth. It is fine, if not prudent, to seek happiness, but not to obsess over the not having of it, as that will only bring you more unhappiness because you are focused on you’re not having it. Instead finding the new and exciting things in life which are new experiences, widening your sense of knowledge of spiritual connection makes you feel as if life is worth living and this positive expectation, that something good is coming, brings more good things into your life. The more you start to focus on your independence rather than what others may expect or require from you, the more freedom and joy you experience as you are growing and expanding in your mind as well as your heart. And don’t believe for a minute that you can’t teach an old dog a new trick. This does not apply to expansion explorers who are always on the lookout for new information and experiences.

Trusting Your Intuition

That still small voice inside you can be your best friend if you can attune your vibration to it in such a way as to be aware of the feeling emitted from your heart sensor, which can give you up to seven seconds or more advance warning to some unforeseen encounter, confrontation or circumstance. There are countless stories and documented occurrences of near-pre-cognitive awareness by those who have fully embraced their intuition and trust their instincts. If you think you do not have intuition, don’t let that stop you. Trusting your intuition can be a learned skill at any age.


Don’t restrict your exploration to only your mind or spirit. You have come to this planet and all these things of potential experience and beauty is here for you to find joy and expansion in the exploration of precious travel opportunities to gain appreciation for all earth’s blessings. Don’t let your inner fear or second-guessing prevent you from exploring the local terrain or the beauty of terra firma abroad. There is so much to see, learn and experience. In the event that you’re unable to travel, then read about other lands and their customs, you can go there in your mind and still benefit from the exposure to other places and their cultures.

What’s In It for Me?

There’s a little narcissist inside each and every one of us and it is always putting our own needs, desires and perspectives before others’. But the expansion explorers are evolving into a more advanced view of self. While they consider their personal needs, there is a growing concern for others and our selfishness evolves into something much less selfish but more satisfying as, “What’s in it for me?” morphs into something more akin to, “What can I take away from this, and possible help make the world a better place?” We still seek our own wants, needs, dreams and desires, but also look for ways to share our expansion with others as appropriate for the benefit of others with an underlying motive of love.


You don’t have to be a religious monk to find humility, you can start being open and honest about yourself today, without having to sacrifice your lifestyle or take a vow of poverty. Having and maintaining connections with other people is the spice of life. You cannot truly transparently connect with another person if you’re busy keeping up appearances or pretending to be something you are not. Expansion explorers are often finding new ways to look within themselves to discover new things inside, some not so good, some absolutely fabulous. The more you get to know yourself, the easier it is to reach out to others in a truly genuine fashion. It also helps you to tolerate other people for where they are on their life’s journey, for aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?


Love is the most powerful force in the universe and it is fully expansive and ever growing within our yearning for its expression emerging from within you to beam out to others, your community and the world at large. You know this is your calling to be an expression of love to the world. This is counter intuitive to your preservation of self but as you learn to allow your love to grow (which can be quite a process in itself) you are able to feel the love and be more receptive of true love.

Living Dead and Resurrection

The day came when all was lost. Your hero, mentor, teacher, loved one, is gone. You struggle in vain for a way to make sense of it all. How could it be?

God! You mean to tell me it’s all come to this?! Nothing?!

What an injustice, a cosmic joke. You believed, you were all in, You played full out with everything you had, every skill, every talent, every hope, dream, and breath vested… all for not.

All is lost.

You are certainly justified in feeling dejected, abandoned and hurt. Nobody would deny your right to grieve over the loss, especially in these darkest of hours. So, please, take as long as it takes and act it out in any way you want. Everyone deals with loss in different ways. It’s okay, you are loved regardless of how you act out this most grievous sense of loss. This can be the incubation process, readying you for what is unseen but waiting for you not far off.

Then, three days later (or however long it takes), against all odds, something happens that totally escapes the realm of possibility or even imagination.

Once a year the return to life after a three-day death of Jesus Christ is celebrated. This is the undeniable power of our salvation that transcends disbelief or any thoughtful constraint which might give way to the idea that anything could be impossible.

There was a time when I never cried (at least not in the presence of any other person. I had overwhelming emotion and tears fell, but only in private). That was, until my son, Nathanial cured me of my suppressed tears while following the viewing of a film on our father/son date at the movies.

What was the film? E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. Following the film, as the credits scrolled and everyone was leaving the theater, Nathanial and I sat very still in reverent silence, until my son broke the silence with a sincere, tearful, “Daddy, I didn’t want him to go.”

I replied, “I didn’t want him to go either,” as we hugged each other and let our tearful emotions flow as the credits continued to scroll by.

Ever since that moment, I have been apt to shed a tear at the most opportune (or inopportune) times, and all my efforts to hold them back, are pretty much in vain.

There are a great many instances that trigger a tearful emotive response, but the one that gets me every time is the moment of resurrection. This is that pivotal moment in Christianity, the unlimited power of that which is the foundation of everything we believe in. Whether belief as historical fact or motivational metaphor, in that moment our faith is renewed and even in our darkest hour, we believe and have faith in the dawn of a new day.

In my life’s work, I have been blessed to be in presence of friends and clients who are dead. By, “dead,” I am not referring to the state of deadness without heartbeat or brain function, but rather dead in the sense that there is no life in them. A sort of living dead where there is no joy. No reason to live, sense of contribution, or satisfaction from living another day. In a sense, all hope is lost.

What an honor it is to be in the presence of that very same person when they break through to the other side and with the heartfelt enthusiasm for love and life; coming back from the dead into a powerful living of life that surpasses their wildest dreams.

This is the moment I celebrate regularly, for I am blessed to be there. I also honor this very same moment in a well-written book, or photoplay usually accompanied with a tug at my heart-strings and a tear (or many, as the case may be).

There have been moments of resurrection in my life, leaving clear demarcations from a decline in quality of life and/or loss to a new-found zest for love and life with an exhilaration and determination unsurpassed.

It’s as if we were born with everything we could possibly need to achieve our highest and best, but it lays dormant, repressed by fear and a sense of unworthiness and a society structured to keep all our potential at bay, as we accept our simple lot in life within the box as a member of a community which can be easily managed and controlled.

But every once-in-a-while, against all odds, new life breaks through.

One day of the year, we gather in tandem to celebrate the Spring of new life and resurrection. On that day, amongst true believers, Everyone Agrees Salvation Transcends Everything Repressed.

The Basis of True Forgiveness

Forgiving others is frightening business of your deep work. It’s like it just doesn’t make sense because we are programmed to live in a society where fear and the concept of punishment is prevalent. We are constantly in fear of what someone might do to us that might make us sad, be disrespectful, offensive or painful and feel as though the only thing that could possibly make things right would be punishing the offender or making them suffer for their misdeeds.

This has been a constant method of thinking that has been prevalent since as far back as mankind can remember (or at least document). This pervasive sense of crime and punishment has permeated all facets of social life including governmental at all levels from local community to the world, exclusive groups and religions, and right down to work and familial life. So, it’s no surprise when someone hurts you, all you want is retribution or revenge. They must pay for their sins.

The this crazy thing happened a couple of thousand years ago, when someone manned up in the most peculiar way that started a change in how people thought about how to react when someone treats you poorly, does something really bad, or hurts you Including breaking any of the ten commandments. This was a crazy idea at the time and not well received at the time, until after he sealed the idea by signing a record breaking decree issued from the highest court with his own life’s blood.

This was not just about forgiving others for their transgressions against you and me, this idea of forgiveness is uncompromising and far reaching to not only those who have offended us, but also to you and me, giving us a chance to live a life unbridled by any punishment for any thoughts or deeds that may haunt us from our own lives… even our deepest and darkest secrets hidden within us.

We honor the price paid for this comprehensive idea of forgiveness today. As tragic as the entire affair was at the time, we refer to it as Good Friday, because for us:

How More Blessed Could We Be?

By receiving a royal invitation to start life over, every day, free from self-deprecation or fear of punishment for any bad thoughts, wrongs or misdeeds ever possibly conceived of. Instantly, all wiped away in a complete rebooting, like the ultimate Ctrl-Alt-Delete. For those who accept this free gift can begin every day clean and anew.

So, this 2000-year-old event which was meant for evil/punishment for crimes committed against the status quo, turned out to be one of the most significant events promoting a massive pivot in this sense of a newfound freedom from fear or sin and punishment.

Of course, even after 2,000 years, we still struggle with the idea as we still feel like people who offend us or do not conform to the status quo are punished and we cannot seem to find new way to punish and incarcerate them at a rapid enough rate. Rationally, the pendulum has swung so far that the idea of forgiveness is the furthest thing from our minds or societal structure.

Think about it: If we keep throwing people in jail or prison at the current rate of growth of the prison population, in 35 years

You will either be in prison

or working for a prison.

The whole idea fails. It doesn’t work. In fact, the only way to make it work is to increase the penalty for wrongdoing to the death penalty.

Then, there is this idea of forgiveness lurking in the wings…

Maybe this idea sealed-in-blood 2,000 years ago is worth considering…

Forgiving is hard, contrarian work.

What are your thoughts?


Why Is Love So Hard?

You’ve been there. You’ve fallen in love with someone, given your heart, mind, body and soul to someone and expected the same in return. More often than not, loving someone and expecting them to love you in return invites a world of trouble and what appear to be insurmountable obstacles. It can leave you asking, “Why is love so hard?”

First of all, keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There are three different thoughts about how relationships are formed, based on

Opposites Attract
People are attracted to Carbon Copies
Attraction is Chaos

When opposites attract, of course, trying to work it all out will be problematic. In fact, this is the entire concept of attracting your Twin Flame. The idea of the twin flame insists your partner is the polar opposite of you, the other half of you, destined to create a higher version of yourself when the two of you are united if you can survive the hell and high water to achieve exponential personal growth.

When people are attracted to carbon copies, they are (often unconsciously) looking for someone who is familiar, either like someone who was a powerful influence (positive or negative) in their earlier life, or someone who is like themselves in compatibility (or “chemistry”).

Then there is the thought that attraction is chaos and random. In this scenario, there is a degree of animal magnetism, followed by the assumption that no one is every truly satisfied in romantic relationships. These relationships are destined for trouble but if the couple is willing to work hard at it, they can maintain a long term relationship.
Some of the things that can make trying to maintain a relationship so hard include

What Is Love?

In my work with couples, it is common for individuals in a relationship not to have the same definition of what love is. How can a couple be “in love” when they don’t share the same idea of love’s definition?

Our society has warped the sense of love’s definition by offering romantic ideals based on fairy tale knights in shining armor and Disney Cinderellas to films depicting love at first sight and other magic of falling in love concepts.

Of course, there are more substantial concepts of love which include love as being based on integrity and commitment which means you stay with your partner whether you like it or not because you made a promise or signed a contract. On the other end of the spectrum are people who approach the idea of love as being an opportunity for personal and/or spiritual growth.

Understanding each other’s definition of love, coming to a shared definition and understanding how each person feels as though they are being loved are two of the best tools to have an idea of early on in the relationship or when looking for ways to offer help in a troubled relationship.

You Are Afraid

Fear is the reason for failure not only in relationships, but other areas of life as well. Fear is the most destructive force in our world and it hides deep inside you, and it serves only two purposes: To Protect You from Pain or Death – or – To Destroy Any Hope of Having a Good Life. In relationships participants are afraid of committing to another person, afraid that if they leave themselves open they will experience pain and/or loss of self. There is the fear that your mate may not be “the one” (what if someone better comes along?). There is the fear that love will fade, the initial attraction dissolves or each of the partners fall into stereotypical roles in the relationship. What if your partner devolves into an abuser or suffers health challenges that would scare anyone who might be left the eternal caretaker?

Atop the heap of fear of the endless unknown or expected possible negative outcomes is the fear promoted by witnessing the failed relationships all around you. Trust is the hardest thing to establish in a world where you are surrounded by unrequited love, infidelity, dishonesty, lies, physical or mental abuse, secret-keeping, addictions, embezzlement, con games, and a degree of evil lurking in the shadows seeking to break or destroy you. You have seen many relationships fail as most of them do, or witnessed the sacrificial martyrdom of one of the participants in a relationship to “make it work” and you don’t want that to happen to you. It’s no wonder you’re frightened about falling in love.

There Is No Such Thing as Love

Then there is the idea that there is no such thing as love, where people believe that love is nothing more than an ideal, thought process of tool used to get what you want in life. Let’s face it; society has trained us to believe love is a superficial means to an end. In this materialistic scenario there is no real connection between two people, instead one or both parties are shallow participants only focused on what they can get out of the relationship. When they fail to get what they want, or feel like they see a better deal on the horizon, they’re gone.

Don’t Want to Deal With It

No one wants a great deal of drama in their life, and if you’re in a close relationship with someone else (even if it’s not a romantic relationship) it can become problematic.
For the people who will avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, it’s easier just to bail out altogether. There is no sense of fighting for love, what is right or the greater good. Instead of thinking, “I’d rather fight than quit,” these folks are more likely to think it’s time to, “Cut my losses,” and walk away because it’s easier than dealing with the drama or facing their own inner issues (especially, if they think there is a potentially better relationship waiting in the wings).

The Broken Hearted

It is harder for one who has loved and lost due to having their heart severely broken or crushed than one who has not endured this type of pain. The broken hearted people have a great deal to work through before they can be truly ready to re-enter a love relationship, but they often seek to quickly replace the love that was lost by seeking out a new relationship, like a love band aid, to treat the wound, but this is only superficial treatment and will likely lead to the failure of the subsequent relationship. Others, out of fear, will avoid putting themselves at risk, ever again. So, the broken-hearted must heal their broken heart to have any hope of an effective love relationship.

The Uncompromising List

After a few go-rounds in the relationship department, you tend to accumulate a list of what you don’t want to see in future relationships based on your negative love observations and experiences. Unfortunately, if you focus on the negatives of past relationships, you are likely to attract more negatives in future relationships; it’s how the law of attraction works.

No matter how complete and comprehensive you list is, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to find anyone who can measure up to your standards.

Not that this is completely a bad idea. Instead of focusing on negatives, focus on the positives and make a list of only these qualities, like my soul mate list. You will be surprised at what may appear on love’s horizon.

Don’t See Eye to Eye

In this day and age, there is a preponderance of posturing for separation. Society promotes the polarization among people and also in relationships, which makes us all somewhat narcissistic as we care less and less about others and more and more about ourselves.

Even though you are separate people, you need to look for opportunities to find the common ground, which you can share together in the long run, while allowing each of you to maintain your independence, a sort of interdependence instead of codependency.

In a relationship between two people, there is so much to manage, prioritize and compromise to affect a successful and long lasting romantic relationship. It takes work, investment of resources (time, emotion and financial) and a commitment to work it out rather than bailing out.

Is Love Worth It?

This is a question you have to ask and answer for yourself.

I will always be ever the romantic, believing that love is the most powerful force in the universe and can conquer anything. Love is the highest and best vibration in the world.

Is love easy? No. Is life easy? No. If it was, where would be the excitement in that?

It’s better to work on your relationship in love, rather than not to have a love relationship to work on at all. It will take work, I believe it’s worth it.

If you believe, and are looking for a way to break through to the other side of your most amazing love adventure ever, call me.