Wrapping up the month of June, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters
Wrapping up the month of June, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters
|Raise Your Vibration to Love And Above||Don’t Settle for Mediocrity||Those Who Take Action and Those Who Don’t|
|Remember Your Dream and Make It Come True||What do you want people to know about you?||Deception by Withholding|
|Disrespect and Hurt Feelings in Relationships||Embrace Your Passion||Get in The Zone|
|Join Us Share Your Message||Love’s Alchemy Turn Hate into Love||Stop and Smell the Roses|
|Fanning the Flame of Love in Life||Leaving the Old Hood And Make New Friends||Put the Sexy in Success|
|You’re Addicted to Fun||Looking for Love|
|How to Turn Your Blues Into Blue Skies||The Power of Oh Well and Not Caring Too Much||Looking After Yourself|
|Loss Bereavement and Your Broken Heart||Find Greater Meaning In Life||Am I Too Stressed Out?|
|What Do You Want More Than Anything?||Your Superhero Story Part 1||Relationship Skills for a Better Life|
|How Can You Live a Life of Love?||Weave Your Own Web Around the World||Is Lack of Love Keeping You from True Love?|
When you’re trying to establish and maintain a vibration frequency of love and above (Dr. DR Hawkins’ 500+) can be a task, especially if you’ve spent a great deal of your life, or a stretch of time in lower vibrations.
I talk about vibration and frequency a lot, so if you haven’t yet read Power vs. Force by David Hawkins, here’s a brief overview of the frequency vibrations in the form of a chart, to give you an idea about what to expect:
Wherever your base vibration is set at, you’re going to be attracting more of that in your life, that’s why I feel it’s important to keep my personal level up and around the 500+ range, and sometimes, the love vibration is difficult to maintain when you’re not feeling it.
If you’ve spent a great deal of your life vibrating in the lower states, it so easy to fall back down to those frequencies because, even though they are basically contrary to what might be your (my) highest and best, because your emotional mindset has grown accustomed to that state. In a way, your being has a sense of familiarity, even safety, in those vibrations.
Below 200, is where our shadow self vibrates in force and thrives, we rack up most of our habits (the less than desirable ones, anyway), as you increase or raise your vibration into power, the easier it is to leave those old tendencies behind.
If you’re focusing your attention on love, this is a wide spectrum covering all the vibrations, mostly because there are so many types of love, but if you’re looking for that true love (the 500+ love) be aware of what you’re looking for, because this is unconditional love, not the you-do-something-for-me and I’ll-do-something-for-you type of love, you’re used to looking for, but the “I love you no matter what” kind of love
This is the unselfish love, and if you’re unaccustomed to vibrating there it can take some focused attention and you may have to diligently work to raise your love vibration, getting you from where you are to where you’d like to be.
Unconditional love doesn’t come from someone else, it comes from you. So, be forewarned that the work that needs to be done doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else but you. Real, true, authentic, unconditional love starts with you. If you can raise your vibration and maintain it at 500, all the love you could possibly want will come to you, because that is what you are.
Try this quick an easy Raise Your Love Vibration Meditation and feel the difference in minutes.
Briefly, you have to start with getting comfortable being uncomfortable. Your base vibration is where you feel at home, so raising your vibration can be interesting (maybe even scary from where you’re at) and feel uncomfortable, and that’s okay, even a good sign that you’re doing the right kind of work, but don’t worry; it gets easier, as you go along.
You’ll be taking some risks and accepting challenges, most likely trying things you’ve never done before, thinking in ways that you haven’t tried before, and feeling like you’re just going through the motions at first, but once you get in the groove (vibration) you will start to feel much better about your exploration in these new arenas.
Say goodbye to stress. I know, this may sound impossible from where you are, right now, but fear not. Stress is like an anchor and it will always drag you back into force. So, be thinking about ways to avoid stress in your life. Force is like swimming against the current and power is like complete buoyancy.
Your feelings are an accurate gauge of what’s happening around you, where your vibration is tuning in to, find ways to tune into your heart and let it be your guide. Find activities in the higher vibrations that you enjoy or have a sense of satisfaction when you’re involved in them.
Find ways to connect with your intuition. If you feel at a lack of any intuition whatsoever, find ways to nurture it and connect with it more and more.
The more aware you are about your life and what’s happening around you, the earlier you can divert stress, strain, difficult circumstances and find the exit, which leads to opportunities to achieve a higher vibration.
Embrace the power of your imagination. Your imagination thrives in power (not so much in force), and make appointments and goals that use the power of your imagination in creative situations and circumstances.
Expand your consciousness by reading books, or otherwise exposing yourself to new ideas that you may have rejected in the past, when you were vibrating at a lower level.
Find ways to volunteer, support, or share with others about what you’re learning. Remember there’s no need for you to “follow” anyone, only to glean what you can (that which applies to you and your journey) and keep moving on. Nothing is more personal or unique as you and your journey.
Connect to others, share your experiences (with those who can hear you) and listen to the experiences of others, as you become a part of the growing network of individuals who are awakening, expanding and evolving. You are taking part in the evolution of mankind on this planet and we’re all in this together.
Moving up the emotional frequency ladder may be uncomfortable at first, and it will take some commitment, dedication and some elbow grease, but you can do this. Because when you were born, this was your destiny.
It may have been beat out of you by life, family, society, circumstance or even in the pursuit of what you thought was love, but it is there, waiting for you. Love is begging you to come home and enjoy all the “Love and Above” that you had ever hoped for… and so much more.
If you really want to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place, you’re going to have stop settling for less than your very best. Mediocrity sucks the life out of your highest potential. Bold determination, dedication and persistence, even when you don’t feel like it, wins the race to achieve your highest and best.
This is the difference between those who live the best lives, and those who settle for what they can get from life.
If you are confronted with a roadblock or obstacle in life, do you turn away, feeling rejected, unworthy, or consider yourself a victim of the system, resigning yourself to utter those “woe is me” lines, “I guess that’s just the way it is.” Do you approach a volunteer project, or any potentially explosive undertaking, by eeking out your bare minimum effort because you just want to get the job done so you can go off to do something else?
If you’re not pushing through, or giving everything you have in everything you do, and laying to waste what you might even have considered to be your limits to achieve new levels of ability and competency you didn’t even know you had, you’re settling for less than your very best.
Oh sure, everyone says, “I want to live a better life,” and, “I want to make the world a better place.” They might even dare to utter the words, “I’d like to have the best things this life has to offer,” but fail to do the work, to take the action to make their life different, it will remain the same, day after day, until the day they die. And that’s okay, because that’s what keeps the sociologically powered money machine running.
Most of us are just eating, working, consuming, sleeping and keeping ourselves so busy participating in distractions and doing nothing meaningful, leading us nowhere and leaving nothing behind.
Is that the life you want to live? Okay. It’s not bad. But if there’s something inside of you that longs for something better then you have to stop. Stop settling for mundane mediocrity and make a stand against just being another sheep in the herd, and do something about it.
Is it scary? Yes. Will it take pushing back when people expect you to just do what you’re told and nothing more? Yes. Will it make you stick out from the other sheep? Yes. And if the other sheep don’t like it, “too ba-a-a-a-d.”
In order to even consider living a different kind of life, a higher level of living, you must want a better life, and the more you want it, the more likely it will be better. You have to have a reason to make your life better that is so profound and meaningful that you will continue to break through the barriers that stand between where you were and where you want to be, no matter what obstacles you are presented with.
Oh, it’s happened to all of us. God gave you an idea an inspiration, a burning desire to do something or to reach out and help others, and you waited, second-guessed yourself, let someone whisper into your ear (probably yourself) about how you’re not good enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not healthy enough… on and on, until you’re so knotted up, you couldn’t do anything if you tried.
So, you had been given the vision, the keys, all you had to do was to push through and do the work, but you didn’t, and God gave that idea to someone else. And you saw your gift come brought to fruition by someone else because you didn’t embrace the gift you were given.
Your idea was given to someone who refused the knots, pushed through the barriers and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He or she kept knocking on doors, putting his-or-her-self out there, in difficult situations, every day proclaiming their message until their seed found fertile ground. They were dedicated and committed enough to endure countless objections and thousand of no’s, or “that won’t works,” in order to get to that one, “let’s give it a try.”
People who make it, aren’t just given “it” on a silver platter, they aren’t the lucky ones; they “make it.” With blood, sweat and tears, in the face of any and all fears they might face, they persist. These are the people that make it and they make it, by the sweat of their brow with their own two hands, and nothing can stand in their way.
Oh, they may hit that one big setback, that knocks them off their feet, but they don’t give up. They don’t give up, turn away and walk home in tears. No. They get up, wipe their tears, take a deep breath, and keep going, because for them, there is no going back.
Now, they’re smart about it, they learn on the way. Even if they start out awkwardly all alone they get better, they hone their skills and gather a support system along the way.
Sometimes it takes a village to make a thing so, but it starts with the one. One with an idea, a dream, a message, or a mission… Someone special. Someone who is not going to settle for second best, someone like you, who can see this through to its incredible conclusion.
It’s going to take steadfast nerve, some strategy, assembling a team along the way, and doing the work that needs to be done, making progress every day, whether you like it or not.
Are you going to shy away? Or are ready to do this thing now?
Then do this thing.
Do it with everything you’ve got.
You got this.
There are two kinds of people, those who take action and those who don’t. All of the people on this planet are born with a dream, a dream to believe, achieve, be or do something unique and meaningful, but few, very few, do what is necessary to realize their dream; that is to take action.
How can you tell the difference between those who take action and those who don’t take action?
Those who don’t take action are all around you. Wherever you see large groups of people, most of them are just like the majority of the rest of us. They are passive in their pursuit of life. At best, how they spend their time and efforts are basically focused on being a supportive part of the machine, which is integral to the continuation of the machine.
They engage in all the activity the powers behind the machine have given them to distract them from the dream they once had and keep their minds so busy, I mean frantically busy, so they couldn’t have the attention or time to focus on their dream if they had one.
Then there are those who vaguely remember their dream, and think about taking action. These people might even start to research about their dream and taking action to start creating their dream in an attempt to raise their awareness about their dream. They spend the spare moments they are able to glean from the crowded highway of life to research, to increase their knowledge, until they feel confident enough, that they know enough, to take action. But there’s so much to learn. So much information, in fact, that you will never feel like you are informed enough or prepared enough to take action. You’ve spend so much time on preparation and learning that there is no time left for taking action.
Then there are those who boldly take action. You may not know them, personally, but you know who they are. We spend our time and money on them and we focus our attention on them. We watch and support the people who have taken the action to live their dream. We watch them living their dreams in the movies, on TV, on the stage, or on the field. We buy their tickets, play their games, and wear their clothes. We admire the way they think, display their skills, and share their lives with us. We listen to their music, their words, and pay attention to the action they take. We see them, we watch them, we love them and we hate them for what they do.
Sometimes, we wish we could live a dream, like they have, but feel that we’re just not good enough, or lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time for good fortune to shower down on us, like it did those people. But the truth is,
The people whose work we admire had a dream and took action. In fact, they took massive action.
They didn’t have the time; they didn’t have any more time than you or me. They made the time… Every day.
They’re no better than you, anyone you know, have ever met, or anyone else on this planet. They’re just like you and me.
You might be sitting next to one of them right now. It’s easy to tell the difference between someone who has taken the action to achieve their highest and best and someone who hasn’t. Want to know how?
You can tell if a dreamer is tracking their dream and taking the action to make it come true by what they did today to move closer to their dream.
Oh, they might talk the talk; talk is cheap. Did they take action, today?
If they did not, they are still a dreamer, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes our dreams are all that we have, and even if we don’t live our dreams, maybe our dreams can inspire someone else to break free from the mob and take action.
It’s so simple. The people, who achieve their dreams, take action to move them closer to their desired outcome every day. Every day.
Just the fact that you have a dream alive inside you means that dream has already come to pass in the future. It’s already there, already a done deal. Your dream is just waiting for you to arrive. And right now, it’s wondering where the hell you are.
Do you have a dream? Are you ready to take the necessary action to achieve your dream, to make it come true once and for all? Are you ready to live your life on the other side of the screen? Not always watching, but becoming the person you were meant to be? To do the things you were called to do?
Yes, study, raise your awareness, courage, and prepare. But don’t get stuck there.
Be the best you can be.
Live a better life, your best life and make the world a better place.
How many of us had a dream of living a better life, but just couldn’t seem to get there?
It just seemed so far away, out of reach, or impossible, because of all the reasons or excuses you could think of that would justify not even trying to a achieve your highest and best. By now, you might have given up on the dream or erased it altogether, just so you wouldn’t be bothered by it any more. Maybe it’s time to remember your dream and make it come true.
That’s right; I said it, “Maybe it’s time to remember your dream and make it come true.”
That’s part of what I do and have been doing pretty much my whole life, in my ministry of helping others achieve their highest and best. There are many paths that lead to realizing your dreams but before you can start your journey to making your dream come true, you must know where you’re going.
Since most of us have forgotten our dream, or have had it beat out of us by family, friends, teachers, other societal influencers and/or naysayers, you must start at the beginning by remembering and recapturing the vision of your dream, which is a projection of what you really want out of life, and you know in your heart that this represents your highest and best.
Try to get a grasp of what your dream was, and if you can’t remember it (which is very possible if you lost track of it very early in life) you retain a sense of it, a longing to be or do something significant, which does not seem possible from your current vantage point, this is your dream.
Your dream may not be complete, but it is there. Like you might know that you’d like to write a song, or a book, but don’t know what type, style or subject matter might be. But you know that creating something using language is in the right direction.
Find a way to give meaning and life to your dream, attach a strong sense of purpose or benefit for you, your friends, family, the community, or the world at large. Make your declaration of the significance so great that it gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment for following through. Answer the question, “Why do I want to do this?” And answer it with meaningful benefits. Attach as much emotional energy to the achievement of your dream, that this sense of purpose will be able to fuel and carry you through those times, when the journey to your dream gets tough. Create a journey-to-my-dream journal, and put your list of whys on the first page. We all hit rough spots in our journey to our dreams; the meaningfulness of the outcome can help you to keep moving toward it and making progress, even if you’re not feeling it.
While keeping your eye on the dream, create mile markers from where you are now that will lead you in the direction of your dream. For instance, if you wanted to be a songwriter, or author, your first mile marker might be something like, “Writing 100 to 400 words every day.” It doesn’t really matter what the content is at this first mile marker. After you’ve accomplished this for a while, you might think about the next mile marker which might mean reading a book about songwriting or writing a book. Keep going, creating new mile markers or goals that lead to your dream, each one getting you closer and closer to realizing your dream.
Make a map, numbering as many sequential mile markers or goals as you can between where you are today and your destination, where your dream is waiting for you to arrive.
Make time to take action. A dream without taking action will never be realized. You need to do the work of taking action, every day. It needn’t be a huge gain in your journey, but even if it’s only the slightest movement in the right direction, you can rest assured that you are closer to your dream than the day before, even if you’re a fraction of an inch closer, you have made progress again today.
If an entire day has gone by and you haven’t had time to contribute something to your journey, do not beat yourself up over it, quickly forgive yourself and be determined to make even more progress tomorrow. A little guilt over not taking any action yesterday might motivate you to do better today.
Be willing and ready to make sacrifices in making progress in the direction of your dream. There are things that you find fun or exciting that keep you from achieving the progress you would otherwise be making. It may be time to put some of these things that could be distractions on-hold, while you’re staying focused on moving toward your goal.
Be aware and willing to make the necessary sacrifices, which might feel like you’re actually giving up something you really like and might make you feel good. Good things like meeting with friends after work, valuable time at the gym. or hanging out with family (having to sacrifice family time in the short-term can be very hard if you have a tight-knit family). There’s nothing bad with these things (and you might miss some really significant life moments) or any other activities, unless they’re taking up time that you could be using to move closer to your dream.
Know that dreams take time to come true and documenting your progress in a journal can be exciting and rewarding. Your path to your dream journal can also come in handy when things are not progressing rapidly or easily. A quick review of your journal can remind you how far you’ve come. Even if it is not very far, you are still closer than when you started, and if you give up now, all your efforts will have been in vain, so rationalize and realize that continuing to forge forward is the only way to assure that you get there. Recall your whys (they should be on the first page of your journal).
Make your journey to your dream as exciting and fun as possible. Try to integrate joy in the process of reaching your mile markers, or goals. You may be surprised as you are reaching or have reached your dream, you might be entertaining the idea of charting a path to a new, even grander, dream. This is normal for dreamers who take action. Once you’ve achieved one, many others appear for you to enjoy, and it’s always easier, once you have one conquered. So, by all means, keep dreaming.
How we perceive ourselves and how others perceive who we are can be two different things. There is so much of our life that’s spend inside our heads and our hearts, we just assume that this information kind of bubbles over enough that people get a sense of who you are.
We tend to see ourselves in 3D, while others only see an outline, our shadows, a 2D silhouette at best, when in reality we are far more than could ever be conceived of or explained in 3D.
People do not see who you are as a person, they only have access to a limited amount of data, which they measure with their own prejudices to draw a conclusion about who they think you are.
It’s certainly not enough for people to know what you do for a living. Often we are judged and categorized by our jobs, or job titles, which hardly indicates who you are as a person, but nonetheless, once someone has learned about your career, they automatically associate certain attributes to you, and once they’ve done that they don’t really care to know who you really are because they’ve already made up their mind about who you are.
Concerning what you do for a living, even though others have an idea of your functioning roll in what you do, they have no idea why you do what you do, or for whose benefit. Far more than what you do, you are a complex variety of skills, strengths, expertise, gifts and special abilities, as well as having a unique purpose and message that makes you who you really are.
People who have a high degree of efficiency in delivering their personal array or their true identity are identifiable and unlikely to be lost among the mob, tribe or community where they reside. Other people get a sense that there is something different about them (if they only knew, there’s something different about all of us).
Starting with what you do, or your job title, stop letting others define you by your title. Instead of saying what your title is, or what you do, interject some unique details about you, because I guarantee, as much as you do the same thing that everyone else does in your job, what you do is unique, because you bring something to the color and flavor of what you do that no one else can duplicate.
In order to adequately present who you are to someone else, you need to have a good working knowledge of who you are. You may not give this much thought, because no one knows you better than you do, and you just take yourself for granted. But put it into words and write it on paper, who you are.
What are your skills, strengths, expertise, gifts, special abilities, purpose and message?
Write them down.
Once you have your list ask yourself, which of these things do I want other people to understand about me and who I am?
Now, you’ve got something to work with. There’s a good chance that more than half of the things on this final list of what you’d like others to have an idea about you, they have no clue.
Once you have this list it’s on you to do the work of finding ways to expose these important facets of your life, otherwise people will only know you by what they see on the surface, like “He’s a stock broker, who cracks people up with his jokes.” when you are so much more than a broker with a good sense of humor, but if that’s all they see, then to them, that’s all you are. Additionally, they have likely made judgment calls based on their person prejudices based on you’re being a stock broker as well.
So, it’s up to you to find ways to let the real you shine through, if you want people to see you for more than what you appear to be on the surface.
If you don’t want anyone to know anything about you, and you’re more comfortable keeping yourself a secret, there’s nothing wrong with that. In this case, you need to be true to you and protect yourself in any way you see fit. These recommendations are not for you.
The idea of publicly declaring and defining who you are as an individual is only for those of you who have a desire to present yourself individually to your peers, and to separate yourself from the pack, for whatever reason.
That’s what the deceiver says when being confronted by the truth coming out about something they knew would rather have kept secret. That’s why they did not disclose it in the first place. But the crafty deceiver holds fast to the idea that because they didn’t actually say anything that was untrue, so their superior intellect and “morals” are supported by the idea that they did not lie.
The question that comes up in counseling is, “Is withholding really lying, since they haven’t actually verbalized a lie?” Good question. While there are hundreds of possibilities, it largely depends on the participants and their belief systems. But regardless of what your belief is (even if you think it’s okay for you to do) when it happens to you, all of a sudden it doesn’t seem so right.
From a trained Catholic point of view there are two types of sins; the sin of commission and the sin of omission. In terms of lying, actually telling a lie would be a sin of commission, while withholding would be a sin of omission, both sharing equal consequence. Regarding the sin of omission, Jesus’ brother says, “Whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” (James 4:17) which incorporates so much more than the unspoken words, actually including the right thing(s) one should have done but didn’t do.
But in a relationship, is it really all that bad to purposefully not disclose certain information that really wouldn’t accomplish anything but hurt someone’s feelings? Someone who thinks this way might say,
This is due to the gray area representing activities or indiscretions that could have been worse.
An example might go something, like this…
Let’s say your boyfriend says,
This doesn’t seem unreasonable so your boyfriend heads out to his friends house. He has his cell phone with him, so you can stay in touch.
His last text at 8:40 pm says,
In this day and age, that could happen. You might even remember a time when your phone died, like that.
A couple of weeks later, you run into a girlfriend who saw him at a concert that night, and you assume she must be confused, because you know where he was that night.
As it turns out, the truth was that he did go over to his friend’s house to sit with his mother while he took care of his legal issues, but what he neglected to tell you was that he went to the concert with friends.
Regardless of what else may have happened, you were not made aware of his other friend’s extra concert ticket, and he neglected to tell you that, because he thought you might get mad, if you’d have known. Since nothing bad happened (like copulation), there was really no harm in sparing your feelings needlessly.
He may justify or think, he was only looking out for your best interest in the omission.
Whether his concern was innocent, or not, the fact remains there was purposeful deception. In this scenario, the boyfriend indirectly lied as he omitted critical and important details, to deceive. With the intention of allowing you to believe all is well, and there was no opportunity for transgression.
Another example might be the urge to use a vague response to a question like, “What did you do last night?” A vague answer might be, “Oh, nothing, really.”
The key here is to remember that it’s just not sociopaths who use these slick methods of deception. People just like you and me do it also because we know that it’s wrong to lie, so we don’t want to do that. Because we have a conscious, it somehow feels better to tell some of the truth and to leave out the pertinent details that might otherwise cause needless confusion or conflict.
No one can really say if it’s right or wrong, but the truth is, if you feel sighted, hurt, betrayed, or indirectly lied to, then it’s definitely not a good thing. This is not a healthy state of mind to be in for very long.
We all deceive using different motives, such as making ourselves appear to have it more together than we actually do, to hide sensitive details or information (which may have negative consequences), and to hurt someone (maliciously, or in self-defense).
So what can you do when someone has hurt your feelings by withholding information?
Try to avoid labeling him or her as a liar. Allow him or her the opportunity to disclose the non-disclosed portion of the story on their own. Try to keep your emotions in check and instead try to think about why he or she would feel the need to withhold. Maybe some counseling might be in order, if they have unresolved issues, addictions, or trauma from the past.
Communicate where your boundary is on undisclosed information, make sure he or she understands, and hope this doesn’t happen in the future, while keeping in mind that you cannot change someone or expect them to change on command. The best you can do is to communicate your expectations and hope for the best. And if you find you cannot live with this type of behavior, then you must do what is right for you.
No one expects anyone to be 100% honestly disclosing everything 24/7, that would be unreasonable and abusive.
Have you ever found yourself laboring to explain to your special someone how they hurt your feelings or disrespected you?
As two people come together and get to know each other, it is reasonable to expect things will come up as an indication that the two of you don’t see eye to eye on a particular subject. In some cases, you may feel bad, disrespected, disregarded or betrayed, and depending on how a sensitive a person you are, you could be hurt badly.
But you’re getting to know this person, are developing feelings of attachment, and/or falling in love with this person. You fancy the idea of having him or her in your life enough to reach out to them in an effort to help them understand how you feel, which is a normal course of action in any relationship.
On your first attempt to explain yourself to someone, you expect to be heard and felt. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes, as you know you, too, probably have disrespected some one else, not on purpose but in a moment when you were busy, focused, distracted, or had lost track of time, etc… and hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally.
Or maybe we’re talking about crossing boundaries. When you’re in a relationship, you can expect to cover all the rules and boundaries that exist in your head and your heart in the beginning, and you just sort of assume that you’re both completely compatible based on how you feel about this person.
If you and your partner have healthy boundaries, of course, the best way to communicate your boundaries is to merely talk about them and establish a mutual respect about each other’s boundaries. The next best way to bring up your boundaries is when either one of you find yourself crossing the other’s boundaries.
This is a good time to communicate, establish and negotiate the honoring of the boundary in your relationship or to make amendments or accommodations for the boundary in question. Some boundaries protect us from physical or emotional pain, but may change over time, the less we need them and as we continue to grow emotionally, while some may remain non-negotiable.
Okay, so someone’s crossed the line, and your feelings were hurt. You were considerate enough to explain the situation to your partner, and he or she heard you, respected you, apologized and agreed to take your feeling into consideration, should the same set of circumstances appear once again. And in a perfect world, in an adult relationship between two people who care about each other, this is the highest and best approach and outcome.
But what if it happens again?
Even though you felt like the two of you were perfectly clear and in agreement, now, you’re second-guessing, wondering if your initial expression was misunderstood, maybe you didn’t make yourself clear enough and it may be reasonable to talk about this particular situation again.
So, this time, you’re explaining to your partner in greater detail, including much more stories, demonstrations, possibly including audio/visual tools, drawing charts, graphs, maps and using bullet lists (yes, this can go into outrageous extremes, depending on the one doing the communicating) to make sure there is no misunderstanding in the future.
If you feel like you’ve been heard and your partner has endured your presentation, thanked you for clearly expressing yourself, understanding the two of you are basically using a common language and level of understanding in respect and honor of your clearly expressed ideas, and he or she agrees to honor your perspective if faced with similar circumstances in the future.
That should do it.
If it doesn’t, and the same grievance comes up again, you can be relatively certain that something else is going on, here. You know you’re being heard. You’ve made every effort to establish rapport and understanding, yet here you are again.
This could feel like abuse, and anyone who knows you intimately, like your friends and family, might jump to that conclusion immediately, especially if you (or they) have had experience with a similar situation which did not fare well in the past.
The truth is, by this point, you can ascertain that this person is not going to change his or her thoughts or actions on this deal to accommodate you. You have to realize that this person is hard-wired this way and is never going to change for you.
Going back to the drawing board once again to try to explain yourself is fruitless. Nothing good could come from it, and your partner will only be going through the motions, agree to do or say anything you want to hear, but not really. They just want your grueling expression to stop, so they can get back to living their life.
Plus, you might be imposing abuse on your partner by badgering him or her endlessly about this particular subject. Just stop it. This could go on forever, and nothing good could come from that.
It’s not on you to expect to change your partner, just as you would not expect your partner to want you to change for him or her, although, some compromise along the way is reasonable, as long as it’s not too extreme.
Oh, you might think that if you love him or her enough, that they will realize one day that you were right all along, he or she instantly changes, as if being touched by a magic fairy’s wand, and the two of you will walk off into the sunset hand in hand in perfect harmony, with sparkles and butterflies all around.
The chances of that are pretty slim. So, at this point, you have to ask yourself, “Can I live with this?” It’s on you at this point, not the other person. Someday this person might change due to their own personal growth and evolvement, but you have to know, this is the way it’s going to be, probably forever. Can you live with that?
If loosening up on a boundary here and there is acceptable to you, then think about changing the way you think about this particular situation, consider making a compromise. Keep in mind if you are making the majority of the compromises, this will likely not be in your best interest in the long run, and you’re likely going to resent or regret this later.
On the other hand, in the rarest of circumstances, both parties begin to grow and change in synergistic harmony, evolving together in a symphony of continued awareness and enlightenment. If each of their individual paths is harmonious with the other’s, this can be the bliss which we all seek in a long-term relationship.
You have a fire burning inside you; a desire to tell the world something of grave importance, an idea to present that will make the world a better place, you have no choice, and you either have to let it out or put it out.
Even as that fire burns, the less attention you pay to stoking the fire to keep it ablaze, the more it diminishes, and left to itself, it the flame will eventually burn out.
You might think that you’re not good enough, smart enough, educated enough, old enough, young enough, brave enough or worthy to take on such a project, for if you dared to utter that which burns inside you, and you were met with resistance, you would be crushed. Life has probably taught you that on already.
You’ve found a good enough place in life where you have a job, a place to live, some family and friends… Sure, things could be better, but on the other hand things could be so much worse and you think, “I’m not that bad.” And that’s what you settle for.
The media does a good job of giving yourself much worse circumstances to compare your plight to. When comparing to those who are much worse off, you feel somewhat better about eeking out your basic life which leads to nowhere.
Still, every once and a while, the urge to do something to make a great contribution to the world wells up inside you, and the more that it happens, the easier it gets to push it away, hide in under a bushel, ignore it, and it will go away.
Just disregard it as childish daydreaming. You were warned of that as a child, now you’re an adult, you have no time for such foolish ideals.
Yet, inside you remains a huge storage facility full of gifts, tools, talents and special abilities, which may pop up occasionally and shine for a brief moment while at work, in a crisis, or a special occasion. But this vast cache of treasure is otherwise underutilized or disregarded altogether; more childish foolishness.
You are okay with your job, but not satisfied. There is little pride in being basically just an assembly line worker or cog in the machine, or a sheep in the field. In fact, that drudgery is not only at work, but you find un-fulfillment all around you, at work, at home, in your community. It’s just the same ol’ same ol’, on and on, every day, ad infinitum.
Why not consider this?
The next time you have a free moment, create something, talk to someone about what deeply moves you, find a way to release some of that passion in your life.
If you look at your life, even if you have a full time job, you have excess hours that are spent idly. Why not turn this time into opportunities to express yourself and exercise your special gifts, talents and abilities?
These precious moments are your chance to stoke the fire in you about the things you are passionate about. Even if it feels awkward, at first, start with just a few minutes every day. And keep building on those minutes, until you get to an hour, a few hours, as many as 8 hours or more are just waiting for you to capture them, to achieve your highest and best, and make the world a better place.
You came to this planet with a message and a purpose. They will always be itching at your attention to be engaged in and released. Sure, you can bury them, like you have in the past, or you can bring them to life. What have you got to lose?
Okay, so you’re afraid of being embarrassed, ever been embarrassed before?
How bad was it? Did you live through it?
Compare that to answering this question: What if you’re successful?
What if you actually find fulfillment in your life, a sense of satisfaction, and how good it feels to do something good for the world that will help others in their lives, and possibly have an impact on the world looking for something better than the troubles, tragedies, fear, or sense of worthlessness they’re struggling with on a regular basis?
You have some fear. We all do.
Try this little personal exploration project. Make three lists. One list of all the things you are good at. The second list jot down all the things you like to do, activities and things that bring you joy. On the third list, delineate all the things that make you feel like you’ve accomplished something, give you a sense of meaning, value or purpose.
The things that appear on all three lists? These are the major clues to your calling, especially if they resonate with your hidden treasure chest of skills and abilities that your kept locked away.
Okay, so what.
You’re only starting by dedicating five minutes a day, then when you feel comfortable with that, try 10 minutes, and keep going until you’re on your way to empowering yourself as a force for good in a world that need you, to hear your message, to feel your presence.
This is your time.
The time is now.
“The zone” is a vibratory state of mind, where your body, mind and soul are in sync with each other so synergistically that everything becomes easy, some people report this heightened sense of awareness makes it appear as though the world is moving in slow motion, giving he or she who is in the zone a fraction of a second (or more) advantage.
Athletes and Olympians refer to this state of being as being “in the zone.” In that moment it’s as though all the planets, synapses in your brain, the cells of your body and your DNA are all aligned and you are operating at your peak performance capacity.
This state of being is not just for athletes, you will find people in the zone in the office, boardroom, at the news desk, on the highway, in the air, or on the battlefield. When you’re in the zone, you are able to react quickly with accuracy, you have an increased focus, as everything outside the task at hand fades away, and attention to detail and precision is increased.
Being in the zone is akin to being in the state of mind known as “Fight or Flight.” This instinctual state includes a preemptive knowing that something is not right, the body reacts, feeding adrenaline into the system and readies for battle or retreat, as the conscious mind is trying to sort out the details and assess the situation. All this happens in an instant and is what has led to the survival of our ancestors from predatory animals. It’s all pre-programmed in us, we don’t have to think about it, it is just there, when we need it (or sometimes shows up when we don’t need it, or when it is not in our best interest, but that’s another story).
The difference from being In-the-Flow and Fight-or-Flight is that being in the flow is a calm, comprehensive focus of attention and detail with increased accuracy and performance, while fight or flight is more emergent, and therefore more awkward, panicked and reckless, most of the power for flow is seated in the brain, while fight or flight’s energies are more focused on large muscle groups.
The neural network within the heart is the initial triggering device for both fight or flight and the zone. It is triggered by impending danger or heavy importance, and it readies you to enter a state of being which far surpasses your standard state of mind.
Common to both states, once triggered, a chemical cocktail is administered containing dopamine, cotisol and noradrenaline, pushing the nervouis system into a heightened sense of awareness in preparation for calling forth your superhuman abilities.
Flow, on the other hand, adds serotonin and anandamide hormones to the mix, which takes this heightened state to a new level altogether. Serotonin, aptly coined as “the feel good hormone” and anandamide, referred to as “the bliss molecule,” create a state of excited, creative euphoria. Mix that with the heightened rising to the occasion with a sense of importance and/or danger and you have: Flow.
We hear about flow in sports circles all the time, from team sports, when a player or group of players enter the state of flow to accomplish news-making accomplishments during critical points of the game in progress. And in individual sports when there is a potential of danger, or in an attempt to secure an important high score. Either way, in these moments, nothing else exists except the task at hand, and everything else seems to slow down to accommodate your heightened state of awareness.
Creative artists, such as painters, sculptors, writers, and musicians also report countless stories of being “in the zone” in their shining moments of superior inspiration or creative genius.
Once you know about the zone, you can begin to use the zone to increase your effectiveness in achieving your highest and best, living a better life, or making the world a better place.