Life Expectancy Continues to Drop Due to Pharmaceuticals

Another year, another drop in life expectancy in the United States. In the country that spends the most number of dollars on drug research, it appears the results of that research, the drugs, are killing most of us, as well as enabling us to use them to end our own lives by pharma-assisted suicides.

In a day and age when many of us are seeking out ways to extend our lives, it appears the pharmaceutical companies are using doctors and the medical industry to decrease our life expectancy.

According to a recent report by the Center for Disease Control (CDC), mortality is on the rise again, this time the increase is due to drug overdose. The CDC reports post-mortem toxicology reports identify the culprits as heroin and synthetic opioids (not including methadone) such as the fentanyl family (like carfentanil, furanylfentanyl, and acetylfentanyl), tramadol, hydrocodone, oxycodone, and benzodiazepine among others.

Fentanyl is 50 to 100 times stronger than heroin and 10,000 times more powerful than morphine and the epidemic is a “public health emergency,” according to President Trump, to say the least.

Let’s face it, for many Americans, the outlook on life is grim, and many are reaching out for new ways to numb the pain of everyday life or a painless way to exit the game altogether.

Every wonder why people commit suicide, or have suicidal thoughts? Did you know about the growing number of Veteran suicides, and the general increased rate of suicide around Christmas time?

I don’t want to say why people are more prone to take their own lives today.

Have you ever thought of taking your own life?

Why?

I’ve heard many different perspectives from those who are considering suicide as a way to escape. And from what they say, if it’s true, sometimes it’s hard to argue with them, if I were in their shoes, I might consider likewise.

All I can say to you is that this is not the time to check out prematurely. We are on the leading edge of an evolutionary expansion of life on this planet, and you can be a part of it, but to do you, you must remain on this side.

There are other people who are feeling just like you and they are hanging on, even if by a thread.

If you dare, you could join me in sending love to the world in order to help others, just like you. Or if your fortunate enough to be one of those who are blessed enough to be feeling on top of the world, maybe you could join us in giving the gift of free love to others who desperately need a little love to get through this holiday season.

You have great things in store for you, just waiting for the opportunity to sprout, grow and flourish. The greater community is waiting for your contribution. There, not far off, awaits a better life, your best life, but you must hang on through this difficult time in order to breakthrough, embrace your innate love and power, and emerge as the best version of yourself.

You can live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

I believe in you. There is much love here for you.

Send Love to the World

(Click link above for my guided meditation)

You got this.

Gratitude for Your Partner

This is the time of year to look back and review how things have gone for you this year. It’s easy to see the things that have not worked out the way you might have wanted to, but make sure to also review those things that you are also grateful for. By all means, don’t forget to look at the one that is closest to you. Think about all the things your partner brings to your life for which you are grateful, and be sure to express gratitude for your partner.

Showing appreciation for your partner is a powerful method of shoring up the bond between the two of you as a couple. Small gestures of you expressing gratitude for your partner can go a long way. You often feel gratitude, and you assume your partner “just knows” how grateful you are, but unexpressed gratitude is rarely, if ever, properly acknowledged by the person who means so much to you.

Certainly, there are particular times of the year which offer reminders and opportunities to show your partner how thankful you are for them walking along with you on your path of life. There is your anniversary (which some people insist on celebrating monthly), Valentine’s Day, his or her birthday, and of course, around the holiday season.

What about the rest of the year?

The most successful couples are celebrating each other, show appreciation for one another every day. This expression of gratitude for your partner pays off in increased bonding, emotional connection, and deepening of intimacy.

Seems like showing a little gratitude for your partner is not much to ask. If you’re shy, or find the idea of speaking out your gratefulness, there are other ways you can show your partner how thankful you are to have him or her in your life.

You could write a little note with a cute saying on it. Make it meaningful and about him or her, something you appreciate, specifically, and leave it somewhere they will find it.

Little touches, just a finger along the arm, gently brushing a leg, a little hug, or kiss on the forehead. Little connections, not associated with any sexual intention, say, “I appreciate you,” and lets the other person know you care.

Inquire about time spent apart. Like, “How was your day, today?” You might be surprised to find a lot more going on outside your view than you thought. And showing a little compassion by actively listening and caring about what has gone on in your absence helps your partner think that life is not going on without you when you’re away. After a while, he or she is looking forward to sharing details about your day, and throughout the day, they feel as though you are there, supporting them, and feel a sense of security in knowing that you will be interested in this, or that, and be somewhat excited to share when you ask.

Make special time to spend with your partner more often. Sure, date night is a great idea, but a little cuddling (without cell phones or other devices) at night in front of the glow of the television (the fireplace of the current day) can go a long way.

Take the time, and exert the effort to truly listen to what he or she has to say. Be quiet and look at him or her when he or she is talking. Listen intently, making eye contact, and repeat important ideas to him or her in your own words, in support and with the intention of understanding what it is he or she is trying to say.

Do something special, without having to be asked. If you are not the one who normally does the dishes, jump in and give ‘em a wash. Detail his or her car. Make dinner. Do a little something-something that is an unexpected gift from your heart to his or hers.

Add supportive power to your relationship when your partner is having a difficult time, hold his or her hand, look you partner in the eye and offer him or her your assurance, “I love you,” and remind him or her that, “It’s you and me against the world.” And, “I’m here for you, no matter what.” If you really want to ramp up your appreciation and love, dare to add, “You’re the most important person in my life, I am blessed to have you here. I would do anything for you.” (Of course, use your own words, if this doesn’t sound like what you might say.)

Express gratitude for your partner in private, but also be bold enough to show great appreciation for your partner in public, in front of family, friends, and co-workers. This will cement the bond between the two of you, and increase intimacy (you’ll see that later, in private).

Only a Fool Would Say That

Even though we like the welcoming, warm feeling that comes from being surrounded by like-minded people, there is no impetus to try to convert others from one point of view to yours. Certainly, there are people you like or admire whom you would like to have join you on your journey, and maybe they can be great traveling companions, but to try to convert them from where they are to where you are, is unwise, if not possible.

It’s not to say that they couldn’t come around or eventually find their way to a more resonant vibration if that is part of their journey in this life. It is not incumbent upon you to save anyone from anything or to make someone think the way you do.

I like having many different kinds of people joining me on my journey while trying to be mindful and not judge people for being who they are. At first blush, this might look like a politically correct “celebrating diversity,” but it’s much more than that. It’s not looking at the diversity (diversity is a form of judgment), it’s allowing anyone, everyone, to simply be. To be who they are, where they are, to come and go as they please.

Just because someone else might share a particular resonance with you today, does not imply they we resonate with you tomorrow. We are all on our own journeys, our paths cross from time to time, to stay in one place too long leads to complacency and stagnation. You must keep moving if you want to continue to grow, change, and evolve into the best version of yourself, and allow others to do the same.

If you disagree with someone’s point of view, to criticize them for their belief is an act of violence. To impose your belief on someone else suggests you are supporting yourself with a sense of superiority, in essence looking down on someone else for not being as enlightened as you. You might even insinuate or call them a fool, as you sit on your self-endowed high throne of superiority.

Only a fool would say,
Only a fool would say that.

On your own road of enlightenment, you may be able to recall concepts which you held close to your heart, things that you believed so much and held so dearly, that you would defend them with everything you’ve got, even possibly give your life in defense of it, only to find out later, that belief no longer serves you. How could you not bless someone else for being on a similar journey on their own path to enlightenment?

No two journeys are the same. Even amongst the like-minded people you share experiences with, none of them followed the same path you followed to get to this point in time. Some may have had similar journeys but no two are the same, even if you’ve traveled hand-in-hand along the way.

To judge someone else for their beliefs is to disrespect their journey, and doing so explicitly demonstrates your lack of tolerance. For as much as you feel more awake or enlightened than someone else, to devalue another for where they are on their path is preventing your expansion, tethering you to your barbarian roots.

Pick Your Perspective

Fear or Love

Judgment or Tolerance

Tolerance is the polar opposite of judgment. Judgment is rooted in fear, tolerance is powered by love.

When you meet someone who believes something differently than you do, bless them, try to see their belief from their perspective, love and accept them for who they are, where they are, and celebrate their life, without the imposition of your beliefs.

This is not to say that you cannot share your perspective, certainly, you may, but do so with love and compassion, only to leave clues for someone to ponder along their journey.

To debate, to try to convince or convert someone is barbarism. Aren’t you ready to cut the cord that binds you to those archaic thought forms and leave them behind?

What if you’re on the receiving end?

How do you feel when someone tries to convince you that you are wrong and that you must change your mind or life to align with his or hers? No doubt, you can feel the barbarianism behind that approach when you are on the receiving end.

Your first response to being attacked by someone is

Fight or Flight

You could turn and run, or post up, defend your position and prepare to engage in a battle of wits, or you could choose to

Love

When you choose to love someone who is assaulting you, you try to see things from their point of view. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings, expressing explicitly their point of view, and blessing them for where they are on their journey with compassion, not condemnation.

If you are safe and secure in what you believe, you have no need to defend it. You are impenetrable. If you harbor doubt and fear about what you believe, you are more apt to take a defensive stance, because there’s a part of you (that higher part of you) that is incongruent with your belief, so the ego takes over and prepares to battle in an effort to impose congruency by brute force.

Seeing different people as different, through the eyes of fear, building walls and separating them leads to chaos. You know that. Take a look around… You see it every day.

Seeing people as harmonious, through the eyes of love, allows you to see the perfection in everyone and everything. From this vantage point, you can see everything is connected and perfect.

Love or Crack Cocaine Addiction

When you meet someone, who stimulates your brain chemistry and sends your biology into a euphoric celebration, there is little difference in what happens inside your body between this “falling in love” and getting high on crack cocaine.

This has been well-documented overtime, ever since humans have had the ability to document the intense power of love-longing in poetry, the arts, and philosophical thought. If you have a reverence for such art, including love songs on the radio, you understand that this reverence for the longing for love can be very powerful indeed.

People who are addicted to crack cocaine seek the high state of euphoria associated with using it to set their internal brain chemistry ablaze with a rush of an overwhelming feeling of pleasure, not unlike falling in love.

It is against the law to use crack cocaine, so there it takes a willingness to engage in illegal activity to have the experience at all. A definite deterrent if you have a fear of imprisonment. Also, it is well known that using crack cocaine over time can have serious ill effects on one’s mental health, physiological health, leads to seriously bad decision-making skills, and can ultimately lead to death. The statistics are well-known, prisons, hospitals, and cemeteries are full crack addicts.

Falling in love, on the other hand, is legal, and there are far more people in prisons, hospitals, and cemeteries due to love.

If you question the similarity, try this on for size:

Dr. Helen Fisher, who has had the pleasure of studying the neurological effects of love on the brain and the body discovered the identical brain chemistry overload of dopamine and norepinephrine of subjects deeply in love as those experiencing a high from using cocaine. (Lust, Attraction, Attachment: Biology and Evolution of the Three Primary Emotion Systems for Mating, Reproduction, and Parenting).

Just the same, only different.

Effecting your motivation and decision-making skills is clearly apparent. Whether you’re addicted to crack, or deeply in love, you will do the darndest things which would not make any sense to you if you weren’t under the influence.

When you’re high (on either love or crack) you have an incredible feeling of elation, everything appears to have increased clarity and your self-confidence surges as you feel almost invincible. You’d do almost anything to sustain this feeling.

On the other hand, if the effects of the drug in question (cocaine or love) starts to diminish, the addict looks for new ways to achieve the high they originally felt when first exposed to the original source (which may have varying degrees of success, but it is well known that the height of the original high will never be reached by increasing the dose, method, or frequency).

Still, we have a tendency to look elsewhere, as our resistance builds to the original drug.

There is nothing more devastating to the addict (whether addicted to love or crack) than suddenly not having access to the supply of their high. The withdrawal symptoms of losing one’s supply, having it cut off for any reason, has been routinely associated with the effects of withdrawal from heroin. Which can send the addict into an unimaginable tailspin leading to intense pain and suffering.

Just the Same Only Different

Different people do things for different reasons. Sometimes they do the same things for very different reasons, so we (especially those in the help professions) have to be careful about stating anything affirmatively as being true 100% of the time because the truth of the matter is that nothing is true 100% of the time (or at least, very little).

One person might do something or display a certain characteristic, while another might do exactly the same thing only for very different reasons. Just the same, only different.

One person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation defensively because they are fearful that they might say something in their defense which might hurt the other person’s feelings, make matters worse, or utter something they think they might regret later. Another person might hang up the phone in the middle of a heated conversation as an act of aggression, purposefully with the intent of making the other person enraged. Just the same, only different.

In Star Wars Episode 8, Luke Skywalker and Ben Solo tell the same story very differently. Each one from their own perspective, each one being truthful based on their own experience and understanding. Just the same, only different.

For instance, I spend a little of my time helping victims of psychopaths because I know what they’re going through. Even though this type of work does not resonate well with the rest of my work, I do a little of it out of reverence for my own experience and my empathy for others having to deal with this kind of tragedy.

So, I have put out a book, put up a website, and created a video in an attempt to help these people as much as I can. One of the ways I try to help victims of psychopaths and potential victims is by trying to help them to detect a potential psychopath early on, so I list six characteristics that can help someone identify a potential psychopath quickly and easily in a brief 10-minute video in an attempt to help as many people as I can as quickly as possible, without making it so complicated.

Of course, this is in no way an official diagnosis which would take a professional a great deal of time and study reviewing over 100 characteristics and behavioral expressions. It is what it is, a simple tool that is quick and easy to use.

As you know, if you put yourself out there to do anything good, haters will come out in droves to try to knock you down. Based on that 10-minute video, I have been attacked and ridiculed, but I don’t take it personal, nor do I take it too seriously. I am also more resilient and am for the most part unmoved by their attempts to hurt my feelings, so I am grateful to be their target, which might defer their inclination to attack someone else who might be devastated by such a virtual assault.

Thankfully, I get praised both by victims and potential victims for having the intention to help and put the information out there for them to find, far more frequently than I get put down by people who are just doing the best they can with what they have, as am I.

If I say (as I do in this brief video) that psychopaths are charismatic, it does not imply that anyone who is charismatic is a psychopath, nor does it imply that all psychopaths are charismatic, to assume so would be at the very least unwise.

No matter what human characteristic or action you are reviewing from your perspective, you cannot know what is, or was, actually going on at the time because you can never truly know what is going on inside another person’s head. It is just not possible. Even if the person in question desperately wants you to know what it was like to be him or her in that moment in time, no matter how they try to convey the totality of this information to you, you cannot really know.

Each one of us is very different, and there are personality traits that in general seem to accumulate around certain types of people but these are only generalizations, and they are not 100% accurate in all people at all times. These are only general observations over time, tracked and cataloged by people who are doing the best they can to help others.

People who help other people as part of their work, ministry, or in the answering of their calling, use these categorization techniques to try to ascertain how best to help someone in an analytical approach to whatever is challenging them at the particular time, without having to invest hours trying to uncover the complex backstory of a potential client or patient.

“I killed a man.”

This is a powerful statement, which at first blush evokes an emotional response and might have you thinking about the death penalty, an eye for an eye, or some other such notion. Nonetheless, many people might find themselves in a particular situation where such an act might be prudent, part of your job description, or even financed by a municipal, federal or other government agency.

Depending on not only the facts and circumstances surrounding the killing, but what was going on in the mind of the person who committed the act at the time, and ever since, can be very different than you might be able to conceive of from your perspective.

Of course, actions which we make, based on decisions that we make, in every step that we take of our life’s journey need not be tragic or life-changing and can range from littering or parking in a handicapped parking spot to cheating on a test or speeding on the interstate, all for reasons you and I could not possibly know unless you or I are the transgressor.

Still, if you witness such an act from your own perspective, it’s easy to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, or judge someone for doing something that you might feel would be against your own personal knowledge, convictions, or morals.

Like on Facebook, one person might want to post on their relationship status, “In a relationship,” because they’re engaged to be married, while the other partner has nothing on their relationship status because… well, who knows. And what difference does it make?

There’s no need to get yourself all worked up over someone else’s life. They (just like you and I) are just trying to do the best they can with what they have. It doesn’t make them a psychopath, sociopath, obsessive-compulsive megalomaniac with narcissistic tendencies or any other conclusion that you might jump to, it just doesn’t really matter, unless you are being attacked personally, then… maybe… some other steps might need to be taken.

But, if it’s just in the fantasy world of social media, try to take it for what it is. What you see there does not define you, nor anyone else. Just have fun with it and try not to let yourself get out of sorts over it.

Don’t let it get to you.

If someone says something crazy about you on the Internet, don’t pay it any attention. It’s not for real. If there is no foundation for it, do not dignify someone’s rant or attack with a response, even if it’s brought up to you in a real-life situation by an uninterested third-party.

Keep this in mind: If you don’t want to be judged, refrain from judging others.

It’s okay. There is much love here for you.

 

Relationship Blinders

If you want to have a good relationship with your partner over a long period of time, it can be helpful to have the ability to put on your relationship blinders. Relationship blinders suggest that you have the ability to focus on your relationship uninterrupted by anything that is going on outside the relationship.

In life, there are many things vying for your attention. Life presents us with so many distractions, it’s a wonder you can remember you’re in a relationship at all. But you are. You and your partner are two different people bonded together in relationship.

Among the relationship coaching community there is agreement that within each relationship there are at least three entities in a relationship; there is you, your partner, and the relationship (many relationship experts agree there are many more, but all agree on these three). The relationship, the combination of you and your partner creates a third entity and this entity needs just as much care and attention as each of the participants in the relationship.

The happiest and most successful love relationships treat this third entity (the relationship) as a sacred endeavor worthy of your best efforts and focused attention. The kind of focus and attention that you might exert for something profoundly important.

Let’s look at some examples, if you’re studying for a final exam, you might lock yourself in your room with your textbook to intensely focus on the material in preparation for the test. If your business or organization is going through a significant change or facing challenges in the marketplace, you grab your most important managerial staff or board members, schedule an intensive retreat to brainstorm possible solutions in a sacred vacuum.

Isn’t your relationship worth the same level of intense focus?

As important as your studies, business, or organization might be, your relationship is worthy of even more focus and attention.

Nonetheless, there are two people in the relationship, which could be looked at like an incorporation, or corporation, a third entity. Still, each of the principals (both presidents, as in the best romantic relationships, there is not a president and vice-president) have lives outside of the relationship.

Life outside demands effort and attention which has no regard for your relationship. It’s easy to get distracted having to exert great deals of energy just to get through each day. After a long day of putting out fires, it can be unimaginable to consider that you might have enough strength and ability to focus intently on your relationship.

In this day and age, it is acceptable, if not encouraged to not view your relationship as this sacred union between two people. Besides, there are lots of other people that you could partner with, each bringing to a potential union other gifts and abilities, as the grass always looks so inviting on the other side of the fence. Plus, huge legal, governmental, and social organizations thrive on relationship breakdown. If every relationship were solid, long-lasting, and able to handle whatever challenges might come its way, these structures would disintegrate for there would be no need for them any longer.

But it takes more than just our best intentions; it takes commitment and inspired action to put forth the effort and put blinders on to honor your sacred relationship.

It means creating separation between your life outside the relationship and your union at home. Feel comfortable enough to talk about your day with your partner, but don’t let negative emotional impact of your day overflow into your relationship. It can help to take time for climatizing, allowing you, your mind, your emotions, your body and spirit to acclimate to your relationship environment.

Maybe take some time to listen to your favorite music, take a relaxing bath, read a chapter of an uplifting book, make and take some time to transition from your life outside your relationship to attune your vibration to effectively match this other part of you, the third entity of your relationship.

Your relationship deserves, at the very least, the same level of commitment you offer your life outside the relationship. Just as you wouldn’t let a difficulty at home affect your life and interaction with others outside the relationship, you need to protect your relationship from the affect of other people, circumstances, and potentially negative energy from outside.

Being able to put on relationship blinders enables you to keep anything from distracting you from honoring your most intimate and meaningful relationship. It means when you or your partner have had a hard day, or are not on your best game, the other one is there to hold you in his or her arms in loving embrace and assure you with, “Everything will be okay.”

And when you feel like things might not be going as well as you thought they might at home, your attentions don’t look outside your relationship for a sense of wellbeing, support or intimacy because you have your relationship blinders on, and you know your highest and best relationship is waiting for you at home. You know this is a signal and a sign to look for something new that you can bring home to make things even better.

Blinders are good, and they help maintain focus on your sacred relationship.

 

New Years Resolution

New Years’ resolutions, they’re coming up. It’s that time of year where you look back, review the progress you’ve made the last year, possibly recall your intentions at the beginning of the year, and compare where you are today to where you were only a year ago. How will this affect this year’s resolutions?

If you’re like most people, you started last year with the best intentions and at best within three months you’d slipped back into your comfort zone, forgetting about all those well-laid plans of having new and improved tomorrow.

Are you participating in a little self-sabotage by setting your goals too unrealistically? Sometimes, if you set your New Years goals too high, you’re bound to miss the mark.

If you take a look at the other folks who knocked their resolutions out of the park, last year, you probably noticed they took a little different approach.

You could take a more practical approach to achieving a goal by chunking it into bite-sized pieces. For instance, instead of resolving to

Lose 50 Pounds

I have a client who desired to do so, but accomplished it by avoiding such a lofty statement, and instead resolved to lose one pound a week. Almost a year later, she’s down almost 60 pounds.

The 50-pound resolution just seemed too overwhelming at it could lend itself to feelings of discouragement very early on, and this leads to the high failure rate of New Year’s resolutions. After a while (within the first three or four months) it just seems highly unlikely that you will be able to get there, so it’s easier just to fall back into the same ol’ same ol’.

It’s easy to spout off an incongruent claim or hope to have a better year, in the throes of a New Years Eve celebration, but to really have a vested interest in seeing your resolution take root and come to fruition throughout the coming year, that is a horse of a different color.

It’s going to take more than just empty words. It will require a plan, and a bit of stick-to-itiveness to get ‘er done. You will have to consider what obstacles that might get in your way. How will you stay motivated to keep going, even if you don’t feel like it, or when no one’s looking?

Will you have to make changes in your lifestyle to accommodate your new resolution? Is there the likelihood that you can make your resolution come through on your own, or will you need some assistance?

Sharing your resolution with others can help up the ante on your intention(s) at hand.
Teaming up with someone who has a similar goal can be good if he or she is as motivated as you are to see this through. Then, you can lean on each other in times of weakness and help to see each other through the tough times. But if your teammate bails, you better have a backup plan.

Family and friends can be very supportive (then, on the other hand, sometimes not so much. It depends on the family and friends). You might consider enlisting the aid of a coach or accountability partner to help keep you on track along the way.

Are you going to militantly force yourself to do whatever it takes, or make gradual progress over time to slowly get from where you are now to where you want to be?
It appears the most successful resolvers set up a series of small goals in a progression over particular time intervals, anywhere from “per day” to “per month.”

What if you miss the mark or fall off your horse?

No problem, dust yourself off and get back on as soon as possible. Don’t let a misstep or stumbling block prevent you from getting what you want, even if it means starting from scratch all over again. You can do this.

Here are some of the New Years resolutions that are probably crossing your mind, and you have the ability to achieve them, if you put your mind to it. Such as,

I’m going to lose X pounds

I am going to commit to performing a random act of kindness every (day/week/month).

I’m going to trade some of my extraneous activity time (video game play, Internet surfing, social media, or any other time-suck) for healthy physical activity (X amount of time per day/week/month).

I’m going to spend X amount of quality time with my family, loved one, mate/spouse.

I’m going to take up (insert name of new hobby or interest).

I am going to take a class in (whatever you want to learn).

I am going to do something (be as specific as possible) to make the world a better place.

I am going to volunteer (don’t let this be non-specific. Give it some thought and think about when and where you might like to lend your services).

I am going to save $xx.xx per (day/week/month) to put toward (school, vacation, travel, etc.).

I’m going to quit (insert addiction of choice and have a plan for either elimination or gradual measurable decline over time).

Just some ideas to set you on the road to a new and improved next year.

How to Talk About Love and Money

The key to the successful love relationship is to be able to get ahold of yourself, open the line of communication and how to talk about love and money.

In the romantic relationship, the issue of money matters is the number one reason for the relational breakdown and the decline of the love relationship, leading to a breakup, broken hearts, wounded people, dejection, and divorce.

Opposing points of view do not necessarily indicate an impasse.

When something presents itself to the relationship which is connected to the money issue, seek to be empathetic, to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, to understand, feel, or imagine what it might look like from his or her perspective, while compassionately expressing your point of view.

Even though how you feel about money is a closely guarded emotionally charged core value, do not be afraid to get to know what it is, in detail, and be willing to communicate and express the intimate details about how you feel about money to your partner in a safe environment. And don’t wait for a money crisis to do so. It may be too late at that point to have avoided a potential irreconcilable difference.

When reviewing your own money style, ask yourself if this way of thinking really serves you? Does it serve the relationship? Does it usher in the opportunity for abundance or a better life? Is your style of dealing with money restrictive or expansive?

Only you can determine what is the perfect way to feel about or deal with issues surrounding money. It will take some effort, work, digging deep within yourself, while learning about your partner’s money issues, too, and you can do this.

Once you have a handle on the issue, seek a way that you both can emerge from this as winners. For instance, if one of the partners wants to go on a vacation and the other wants to save money, keep talking. Even though it appears that these are on opposite ends of the spectrum, you can look for ways that you can take a vacation and save money at the same time: Win/win.

Don’t think of win/win as a compromise because it is not. It’s learning and growing through a potential challenge and emerging in a more elevated conclusion advancing your union further, while coming closer together.

Realizing and understanding that both parties bring to the relationship money values to which they are deeply connected. These are deep emotional connections which have developed over a lifetime, and truth be known, is more connected to familial influence or survival instincts, and may be rooted in a sense of lack.

The loving relationship can assist in the emergence of a truly independent and more advanced evolutionary approach to dealing with money issues which is a higher and more integrous concept of money and how to deal with it. Thanks to the relationship, if you can push through money issues and not walk (or run) away, you can develop your own independent money values, free from the past, while retaining the good stuff.

If you think about it, you can probably see the connection between how you feel about money and how your parents dealt with money issues, and depending on the age of your parents, when you were growing up and establishing your own money type, this probably had a huge influence on whether you became primarily a saver, or a spender.

It’s often a healthy idea for a couple to have three bank accounts, one for each partner, and a joint account representing the majority (say, 90%) of the joint income. This allows for each partner to maintain a degree of financial independence and freedom to exercise their own needs and desires without having to explain themselves every time they make an expenditure.

Remember, that when dealing with financial issues in a relationship, there really is no right or wrong way to approach money, just different ways, and they’re all okay. Don’t be too quick to judge your partner’s money type just because it varies from yours. It can often be helpful and advantageous for two different money types to be in a relationship together, bringing balance and harmony to the overall financial outlook of the couple.

Every couple is different, and their money solutions will vary. You have to figure out what works best for you and your relationship while expanding love and not letting it deteriorate.

It’s really all about trust. Trusting each other and yourselves.

Did You Make Your Bed Today?

I’m not much of a bed-maker if no one’s looking. I figure, “What’s the point if no one’s there to appreciate the fruits of my labor?” Especially, if you’re like me, in between relationships, you might think that few minutes might be better spent doing something else in your preparation for the day ahead.

Sure, if there’s someone you’re sharing the bed with, or if you are having company and don’t want to be embarrassed by having an unmade bed, which might be perceived as an indication that you might not be as diligent as you’d like to be thought of, you might be more inclined to make the bed.

But when no one’s around and there isn’t anybody to see if you’ve made the bed, or not, what do you do?

Inspired by Arielle Ford (author of the wildly acclaimed, The Soulmate Secret), I began making my bed in the absence of a witness as an affirmation to the universe, that I was ready and willing to welcome the woman whom I would live out the rest of my dreams and days with.

I haven’t had anyone to keep track of my bed-making skills for years, still, I make my bed every day. I’ve since expanded my morning ritual to include my intention to do this thing with integrity as a bold statement of my intentions for the remainder of the day ahead, and my willingness to do the right thing no matter what the day may bring.

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”

When you make your bed in the morning you send a powerful message to the universe expressing your explicit intention,

“I am starting this day with the intention to live a better life, to be open to all the good things that life has in store for me. I avail myself to in even in the smallest of ways to make the world a better place, and it starts right here. Right now, with my declaration in the action of making my bed, I affirm I am ready to do my part to change the world.”

A simple ritual, a prayer of intention, dignified by the inspired action of making your bed.

It is not uncommon for me to ask a perspective or new client about their daily bed-making routine. Why? Because it is a potential indicator of a person’s willingness to do the work necessary to influence their desired outcomes in life.

I agree with Admiral William H. McRaven’s 2014 commencement encouragement,

“If you want to change the world
start off by making your bed.”

 

If you’re making your bed every day, you’re in good company. A 2017 survey of the most successful, powerful, and wealthy people in America today reveals these people share a common trait: They start their days by making their beds.

Plus, after a long day of you putting forth your best efforts, effectively facing anything that may have attempted to slow your roll or interrupt your flow, when all is said and done, a nicely-made bed awaits you.

It is an unexpected joy that you might take for granted after a while, but if you’re like me, there are those days when you are pleasantly delighted after a busy day to be invited to enter the gates of the sweetest of dreams by a nicely made bed, even if you’re the only one who will appreciate it.

You’ve started and ended your day with a positive vibration and the best intentions to make the world a better place.

And the universe responds in kind. All this for making your bed in the morning.

If you want to make a difference, make your bed.

Did you make your bed today?

Feeling Old? Best Time to Get Started

A growing segment in the people that I am working with these days are the folks which many of you would refer to as the elderly, while every year, these people are looking more and more like my peeps, my classmates, and cronies. Many of them are inspiring me to no end and may have no idea they are mentoring me into increased longevity and quality of life.

The trend that I am seeing (I am unaware of the national statistics on this) is that more older adults are tapping into their inner beings, uncovering their gifts, talents, and special abilities as they embrace their purpose, message, passion, and mission (and here’s the most interesting part) they are monetizing it, as they fulfill their life’s work.

Whoa, that’s why I say, “It’s never too late.” Like many other older people who grabbed their brass rings in their golden years, nothing could stand between them and their desire to live a better life. These people don’t just slip away into retirement. They will never retire. They will continue benevolently giving and extracting the best this life has to offer until they’ve breathed their last breath. And if you ask them, many will insist that their work will survive long after they’ve left.

The Internet is providing for these people an incredible ability to grow their ideas exponentially at unimaginable speed, allowing them to quickly disseminate their message, and self-monetize their own ministries or businesses, with little or no start-up cash. This is leveling the playing field, allowing normal people, like you and me, to enter the global marketplace. Never before have the opportunities been so vast, with such a low cost of entry.

Many are excited about being able to create a legacy, to leave something behind for their children, finance college educations, brighter futures for future generations, and make a contribution to the community of the world. Something that seemed unreachable or impossible only a few years ago is now within their grasp.

While other seniors are relaxing, riding around in golf carts, going on group tours, and watching television programs, these older superheroes are saddling up to do the greatest work of their lives. They’re starting businesses, organizations, movements, and supplementing their income, continuing to expand and improve their lives along the way.

Having a life full of wisdom and experience to draw upon, gives these people an edge over privileged youngsters who are the inheritors of prosperity and opportunity, and in many cases, this new trend is closing the gap between youth and the aged, as we are seeing the world begin to change. It’s starting to look a little more like the days of yore when youth respected and revered the wisdom of their elders.

I look up to and admire these senior citizens who aren’t sliding away into retirement and basically waiting for the end to come. No, these folks are playing out their years full on, and guess what? They report having better health, wellness, and happiness, as well as the increased financial support from their efforts. They have a powerful reason to get up every morning, seize the day, and feel good about their contributions.

They have not ceased to learn how to embrace these emerging technologies, they are uncovering their skills and honing them every day. They are the late-blooming Jedi Masters. And they’re doing a great deal of this from the comfort of their homes with very little overhead; it’s absolutely amazing.

I am also impressed at how these advanced parents are able to invite their families to participate in their enterprises. In an age when families are highly dysfunctional and disintegrating rapidly, a family business can help reunite and cement the family relationship, which may have been passé not long ago.

Stronger seniors, stronger families, stronger youth, with greater independence, opportunity, prosperity, and fulfillment.

If you’re younger, it might be time to have a talk with your parents, or grandparents, about what they might like to do with their lives. May you can help empower them to get from where they are to where they’d like to be and see their dreams come true.

If you’re steadily advancing in age, maybe now is the time to take action and start this new, most exciting, chapter of your life.

It’s never too late.

And for those of you who are doing it, and giving it all you’ve got: Thank you.

You are my heroes, my inspiration.

I love you guys.