Your Shadow Self

There is a deep dark you hidden deep within yourself which is devout in the protection of your self and will stop at nothing to prevent you from living your best life because to do so would put you at risk. Your shadow self protects from exposing yourself to potential failure, pain, sadness, longsuffering and grief, and in doing so actually blocks you from experiencing true love, health, wellness, and ultimate happiness.

Hidden from you by your shadow self are all the negative life moments you have experienced, so as not to hinder you’re being able to face tomorrow. Associated with all these dark moments are litanous associated programs which run silently in your unconscious to prevent you from being at risk of future negative physical or emotional impact.

While these systems have been accumulating for years unchecked for validity, they continue to perceive threat and trigger your fight or flight sensations, even if there is no apparent threat in the current reality or real world in the moment, or possibly ever.

Debbie Ford

Which reminds me of Debbie Ford’s shadow work, for which she is renowned, and she insists that within each trauma hidden by your shadow self, there is a sacred truth which if dealt with through her shadow process will contain an enlightening treasure which will empower you to realize exponential positivity and personal power.

Profound wisdom is hidden within your shadow self and these treasures are the keys which unlock all the best things this life has to offer.

Let’s say you want something deeply which seems to elude you, like massive success or long-lasting romantic love (or anything else your heart desires). While you may desire these things with all your heart, your shadow self is there to protect you from the potential pain associated with exposure to the risks which would be necessary to achieve the results you desire.

On the surface, in a therapist’s office or as noticeable by you or your friends this might look like self-sabotage, but it is your shadow self, hard at work, preventing you from being exposed to potential pain or loss.

Debbie Ford insists that within the darkness of your shadow self, you will find the key to unlock your strength, your happiness, and your ability to live out your dreams.

In order to enjoy all the best things of life with all its possibilities, you must be vulnerable, and vulnerability is the enemy of your shadow self.

Carl Jung

Carl Jung, who introduces us to our shadows, suggested that our maximum potential could be realized by making peace and standing in the middle between, “his shadow and his light simultaneously.” In effect seeing yourself from both sides.

Yet, due to the excellent abilities of your shadow self to keep you from seeing that you, as well as the rest of us suffering from the human condition, are a mixed bag of contradictions.

For instance, it is highly likely that the things you dislike the most are actually a part of who you are, though you are unable to see it, as these details about yourself are so effectively hidden from your conscious mind by your shadow self.

Delving into the secrets hidden within your shadow self is part and parcel of the deep inner work which you may choose to encounter if you are to truly have the ability to achieve your highest and best in this life.

Change Your Life Right Now

Would you like your life to be different than it is, right now? Did you know that you can start living a different life, right now? You can change your life right now.

Life can be a constant succession of the same ol’ same ol’, day after day, until one day the days finally stop coming and you can rest (in a hole in the ground). Is that what you want out of this life, or are you ready for change in your life?

If you can think of your life as consecutive opportunities to enjoy the now, instead of one long continuous life, you can change your life moment to moment by making a new decision to do something different now.

Stick your finger in your ear, then remove it. Make yourself burp, or make the sound of flatulence with your mouth. (You thought I said that in jest?) Do it. Do it now.

By taking the action to do something different in the now (which is now in the past) you have started a chain reaction which will ripple across the timeline of your life and throughout your home, your community, and the world.

By doing something different you changed your life and the world, in a few heartbeats.

This is referred to as the butterfly effect which presumes that the seemingly innocuous flapping of the wings of a single butterfly can result in creating a massive tornado. One single flap of a butterfly’s wing in Brazil can create a succession of events resulting in a tornado in Texas weeks later.

In the same way, any seemingly insignificant change you make in your day, your routine, the things that you regularly do every day, changes not only in the moment of the now, when you do something different, but creates a ripple effect throughout your life and the world.

The changes don’t have to be big, they just have to be different. Let’s say you normally would visit the supermarket looking for people’s eyes, and when they meet yours, you smile and say, “Hi.” The next time you walk through the store, do something different, like look at the shoes of all the people in the store and imagine what story those shoes might tell, if they could talk? If you see a particularly nice pair, compliment the person wearing them, or do something else different.

It’s not enough to think, to affect change, you must take action or do something.

Likewise, if your shopping excursion is rather blasé, then spice it up by looking for the eyes of other shoppers, smiling and saying, “Hi.”

If you normally stop to get a cup of coffee at the same ol’ place on your way to work, try a different one, get a tea, or a sparkling water. Leave ten minutes early. Take an alternate route, whatever. Just do something different.

By changing any detail of your life’s routine, you change your life. And the more you do it, the more your life (and the world) changes.

Now, you have already changed your life. You’ve read these words and now you know your life is changing as you read each word.

Want to live a better life? Do something better.

Want to live your best life? Take time to exercise your special abilities (we all have them. If you don’t know what yours are, then figure it out and start using your unique skills and abilities, in even the smallest ways), and doing so will usher in, not only a better life, but vastly moving you closer and closer to living your best life, ever.

Want to make the world a better place? You just did, just now. Want to have a bigger impact on the planet, do something different, something intentionally good, and it will ripple throughout your life, blessing you and others.

Your good deed (even if it seems insignificant in the now) changes the energetic vibration throughout your family, your community, and the community at large, changing the world, making it a better place, just from one small act of kindness.

What impact could you have on the world if you took the opportunity to change your life right now? You just did.

What about the next opportunity to change your life right now?

The time has come for you to

Change Your Life Right Now

Power of Intention

You have to start somewhere and that somewhere is found in your intention. If you have an idea, concept, calling, mission or something you want to achieve or accomplish in your life you can set your intention to see it through, combined with the attention to detail(s) and taking actions necessary to see it through creates a divine recipe for the coming to pass of anything you can visualize.

When you align your sacred intention with the desires of your heart the ability to follow through is inspired and supremely effective. You are able to see your efforts expand exponentially as you align your intention with passionate determination.

This affects all areas of life such as healthy wellbeing, attaining material things, healthy relationships, business building, spiritual awakening, the care and feeding of others, or romantic love.

Your intention is like a seed with the potential to grow into the fullness of that which you desire to see manifest. Just as any normal seed, it is not enough to possess the seed. The seed must be planted nurtured and cared for, and the more attention you give it, the more grandiose the outcome.

The seat of intention is in the heart, not the brain which separates it from mere determination. Intention is powered by the source of all life which originates in the heart. This allows you to be deeply connected to the object of your intention and allows the support of the energy of life to uphold your vision.

In this way, you are creating sacred space for your project to come to fruition, surrounded by the energetic field of empowered love in harmony with the integrity of your entire being while being connected to the source of all life.

Your intention is divinely attenuated to you, your life, your mission, and purpose in life, which gives you the ability to be a deliberate creator as you live in an inspired vibration of expansive love which attracts to you everything you need to manifest that which you desire.

By sparing the mechanics of the brain and letting the power of love provide the creative and energetic support, there is a peace that comes from not creating from sheer force of will but allowing the universe to provide as you see your dream unfurl before your very eyes.

Seeing through the eyes of love will allow you to see the energies at work as they vector in all the components necessary to see the object of your intention come to pass. For this is the natural way of manifestation by deliberate intentional creation.

Once you begin to apply deliberate intentional creation to your life, your life expands as all things become possible.

This is the difference between two successful individuals, when compared one to the other, they may have achieved similar degrees of success. One is surrounded by drama and chaos, the other peace and harmony. What separates them is how they go about conducting their daily business.

One utilizes their own strength and determination, the other sacred intention and allowing deliberate creation to manifest.

Which one would you rather be?

There is no wrong way, there is no right way, everyone gets to choose to live their life any way they want. Some prefer the drama and struggle, some not so much. There is no judgment here.

The world is changing, and its inhabitants are starting to see that life need not be a struggle.

If your intentions are inspired and empowered by love, you can have your heart’s desire without compromise or sacrifice.

How Do You Handle Confrontation?

When someone confronts you with a highly negative tone, how do you handle confrontation?

Of course, the initial reaction of most people is to respond defensively or to bark back with negativity. How is that working for you? This is an excellent response for the person who loves drama or likes to play the part of the victim.

Then there’s you. You are awakening, and now you’re wondering, “What’s going on, here?” That is the right question.

Someone has struck out at you. You can’t see any reason for the sudden outburst, yet, here it is in all its glory as a negative energetic assault.

Rather than reject the assailant immediately, consider this: Maybe he or she is not acting out to you at all. It’s highly more likely that this person is demonstrating to you how someone in their past mistreated and assaulted him or her.

And you are placed in front of this person by divine assignment. Rather than respond with negativity, which would be the reaction he or she is expecting, you have the ability to respond in a way which will interrupt this person’s pattern of abuse, which has been playing in his or her concept of reality for a lifetime.

When you understand that this person is not targeting you to assault you, but crying out to you from the pain of their past, you can be compassionate and ask yourself, “What must it be like for that person to respond like that?” Do not ask them this question, they might not even be able to cognitize the answer.

The key is, here, you recognize the basis for this outburst has a basis in something that has happened long ago that has nothing to do with you. From this perspective, you can see the emotional outburst as his or her crying out in pain and you are set free with the ability to not take the action personally.

This is the perfect set up for you to reach out in love and break the cycle of abuse in this person’s life. Unconsciously, you have direct access to the point of origin of the source of this person’s pain. This enables you to administer deep healing by responding positively to this person’s outburst.

The source could be the way an authority or parental figure disrespected and assaulted him or her early in youth. They don’t even have to know the source, but in that moment you have access to the trigger, and you can break the cycle by responding to him or her, right now, with all the love you can muster.

All you have to do is to respond with a blessing or a compliment, which is all that little child wanted but didn’t get way back then, you begin the healing process.

This far surpasses the Proverb (15), “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” This is precision emotional surgery and you wield the scalpel of love to break the cycle.

Don’t expect immediate results, because it may not register as the person who energetically assaulted you may assume that your response is negative, which is what he or she expects, or wrapped in sarcasm. If so, he or she will launch another attack.

Again, don’t take it personally, and respond with another compliment or blessing.

He or she may question your motives, or wonder what’s wrong with you?

Do not disclose your loving and healing motives. But you may let it be known that you think he or she is not broken, not in need of fixing, and you would never judge him or her because you know, that if you were him or her and lived the life that he or she had lived up to this point, you would have done the same thing. Therefore, there is no judgment.

That person may walk away thinking you’re a freak, but you’ve done your part, and after several of your interactions (and those of others who are also aware) this person may find healing and freedom from this negative anchor he or she has been dragging around for years.

Plus, an added benefit from one of these sudden outbursts may be a hidden message for you.

After the situation has subsided, you can then reflect on the words spoken by this poor soul, and you may find something of value hidden in the matrix of his or her delivery.

Just saying…

Much gratitude to you and yours who are joining the wave of peace and harmony which is washing across the planet.

Why People Say One Thing but Do Another

As integrous as I try to be, even I may say one thing and do another. For the longest time, I thought the one thing I would like to have etched in my gravestone would be the words, “Here lies a man who kept his words and lived by them.” Yet, even I can see that even I fall short, if I am able to see myself objectively. This leaves you wondering, “Why people say one thing and do another?”

The answer is far more complex than you might think. People are not as they appear, ever. You can have a general sense of how someone is, but you will never know everything which comprises any person you think you know, even if you know their entire backstory. You can never know what’s going on in someone else’s head.

All of us are a jumbled mess of incongruencies. Living, breathing contradictions. As hard as you might try to set an example of keeping your word, of being congruent, living a life in harmony with the words you speak, the contracts you make, still you falter, even if you can’t see it at the time (and few of us can see it due to the limitation(s) of our perspective in the moment).

Our lives are filled with living contradictions with our words, our agreements, and our lives.

There are contradictions in the words we say, like, “I’ll be there at four,” and you show up at 3:55 or 4:05. “I will pick up the items on your list from the store,” but you forget to get the milk which was on the list.

Every once and a while, even with the best intentions, we fall short of the words we speak. Unintentionally, life prevents us from being perfectly in alignment with the words we speak.

Contradictions in the contracts we make. You agree to make your payments on time, yet every so often, you are late and incur a late fee, get turned into collections, file bankruptcy, lose your car, or your house.

Some people go so far as to pledge their love and allegiance to another in marriage and end up getting a divorce.

Contradictions in the life we lead, like you see someone who lives their life with integrity, vowing never to engage in self-harm, yet he or she stuffs their mouths with unhealthy food and is overweight.

Or there are heavy people who do not exercise, yet wear sports apparel which contradicts their lifestyle.

Someone could live their lives in complete and utter chaos, but their home is immaculate.

The list goes on and on, as our lives demonstrate that we are not what we say or think we are.

Someone might be saying that they would never do or say a thing, while they are doing the very thing they say they would never do.

Some people go so far as to accuse you of doing something they are actively doing in the moment. If that isn’t confusing, I don’t know what is.

Having the knowledge of these life incongruencies can help you find the triggers which create the contradictions in your life.

You see yourself as a kind and loving person, yet you judge and criticize others, or could care less about people who are not intimately associated with you.

Now that you know that this is a contradiction in your life, you can take the steps necessary to either make the changes or redefine your perception of yourself to include the variations.

This is the decision made by those who desire to live a life of alignment or coherence.

These are the people who self-evaluate and make the necessary adjustments in their lives to be less of a human contradiction in an effort to live a harmonious lifestyle.

Do you know people say one thing and do another? Are you one of them?

I think if you are honest, you will find that you are. We all are to some degree or another.

What’s a good example of people say one thing and do another?

I am a strong, independent woman. I don’t need a man

Congratulations, you turned into everything you hate in a man, only you’re not one. I hope that makes you feel good, though I know it doesn’t because it is unsustainable and doesn’t look as good on you as you might think.

I am a strong independent woman I don’t need a man

While there is nothing wrong with these words when used as affirmations to gain strength and courage when in recovery from an abusive relationship, the truth is, you probably do desire someone with whom has the emotional ability to mirror your own.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with not needing a man, or being independent, but if there is angst fueling your words, then it best to avoid any men that you might attract because they are likely to be the same kind of men you’re trying to avoid.

That’s how the law of attraction works. And for God’s sake, don’t follow up with any version of, “I want a man who can take care of me,” for fear of appearing to be psychotic. It’s completely natural though because we all want someone to be there for us, to understand us, to love us with as much love as we could offer. That’s the way God intended it.

Don’t worry, I know what you meant when you said, “I am a strong, independent woman. I don’t need a man.”

What you’re saying is that, “I don’t want to walk in the footsteps of women in the generations that went before. I don’t want to be a slave or subject myself to being treated abusively, like my ancestors.” (Maybe there is some connection to abuse which you may have suffered in the past at the hands of a Neanderthal.)

But when you say, “I am a strong, independent woman. I don’t need a man,” you have made the same aggressive, exclusive, overbearing statement, which possesses all the toxicity that the kind of man your trying to avoid would have.

You’ve exerted your authority over the masculine and you’ll show him, you’d rather be alone than entertain the likes of any man. Well, except for one who would honor and cherish me, not treat me like a piece of meat, or a subservient housewife. Someone who wouldn’t victimize nor abuse me.

What you want is a relationship that is honorable, respectful, and full of love.

So, where do you start?

If you want real love, you have to start finding the love you seek from inside yourself, which means letting go of the negative feelings, and replacing them with compassionate, caring, non-judgmental feelings of love for yourself and others.

The work of finding inner love is not as easy as it might sound. You might think, “Well, of course, I love myself,” but really being in that place is quite different than you might think of at first blush.

You’ll know when you’re making progress, because you’ll be able to think about men (even those who sent before) without the negative feelings that were associated with those thoughts previously.

That’s when you’re ready to reach out and touch someone, not just anyone, and not the kind of men that you were attracted to in the past, you already know what to expect there. You will be looking for a man of substance with whom you can connect heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul.

If you’re serious about inviting true love into your life, there are many ways to get from here to there. You might consider participating in an Awakening to True Love Workshop coming to a city near you.

Whatever you do, say goodbye to ever being a victim and finding all the love you can from within and someone who can share your love and theirs in kind.

All the love you’ve ever wanted is waiting for you.

Friends and Sex

If you can’t treat and trust your partner like a friend, then maybe you’re not ready to move forward in your relationship in love.

How do you treat your friends?

You are understanding and forgiving of your friends. You have a sort of unconditional love with your friends. They can do crazy things, and you can laugh with them about it. They can make huge mistakes and you can feel sorry for them because you know their intentions were good.

If you and your friend get into a heated debate, you can both walk away with your feelings hurt, then the next time you meet, you’ve put the issue behind, almost as if it didn’t happen and resume your relationship.

You can be supportive and love them no matter what they say, no matter what they do. Your friendship is pliable and never at risk of being lost. These are the conditions of your longest-lasting friendships. The kind where you can go without seeing them due to life circumstances, and no matter how long it’s been, you pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.

These are your real life BFFs.

Then there’s your relationship with your partner. How can you compare the two?

“Well,” you interject, “I’m not having sex with my friends.”

Good point.

It is well known that there is a bio-chemical reaction that takes place when bodies start to intermingle and are penetrated by another, not to mention the effects of the psychological and spiritual exchange that happens when body fluids are exposed to another.

It’s the nature of human beings. It’s what keeps us separate from the other mammals on our planet. Something about how we were designed has a part of us longing to have a long-term committed, loving, supportive, and monogamous relationship.

As much as some of us try to reduce sex to just an ordinary natural act, our body chemistry and tendency to deeply attach, even if against our will, overshadows any analytical representation that there really is a difference between having sex and making love.

Yet, there is an acute distinction between the two.

“Having sex,” refers to the simple act of copulation between two consenting adults. The idea is that these two parties can engage in and enjoy the act of having sex without all the complications and attachments of having a romantic relationship.

While this is an excellent ideal, I can tell you, based on the singles and couples I’ve consulted with, nothing could be further from the truth. These stories of one-night stands or frivolous sexual encounters did not come at a price, and science backs up and predicts the price being paid, whether you admit it at the time, or ever, the fact remains, there is no such thing as casual sex.

“Making love,” on the other hand, is the romanticized version of sexual intimacy which assumes a loving, (preferably monogamous) relationship with the intention to go on in life with each other with love, compassion, understanding and integrity.

Where things go sideways, is when one partner is making love while the other partner is having sex. There’s the rub, and there is danger ahead.

If you’ve had an experience, like this, then you have probably suffered emotional trauma and it would be understandable if you suffered love’s Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, which would potentially include the inability to trust another potentially intimate partner.

Consider the idea of not engaging in a sexual encounter until you’re at least relatively certain that your partner has your best interests at heart. Do not go there until you feel as though he or she can be trusted by the placing of your heart in his or her hands.

Waiting until you feel as though you could love, care, understand, and accept him or her, just as you would any other friend, may be too much to ask. And that’s okay.

But at least, do your best to look after yourself, which is solely your responsibility.

If you feel like you can engage in casual sex, then have the talk, set and accept the ground rules before going there. Then, the onus is on you to manage the repercussions on your own with integrity.

Help to mitigate the effects of having these kinds of relationships is available to you, when you are ready.

If you are going to engage in making love, then by all means, have the love talk before you go there, if love is your intention.

No amount of preparation and caution can protect your heart from experiencing pain in a love relationship, but without love and the vulnerability with accompanies it, life is less than it could be.

Moving On With Your Calling

You’ve gotten in touch with your Purpose, Message, Passion, and Mission (PMPM). You’re comfortable (yet a little freaked out) and ready to start moving on with your calling.

You’ve done the work. You have a pretty good idea about the big picture. You’ve used your power of imagination to see yourself fully engaged and empowered in the fullness of your calling, but what do you do now?

Take a step. Do something right now that moves you closer to your vision, and every day, do something that closes the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Consider making a plan consisting of many mini achievements which would be in alignment between where you are and where you want to go and check them off one-by-one while moving on with your calling.

Every day take a step, and when you can, check off a new achievement.

Every step you take, every move you make, brings you closer to achieving your highest and best.

Notice how the landscape changes as you get closer and closer to your destination.

When you can, invite others to join you, when you meet those chosen few you will meet along your journey. When you are actively moving toward that which you desire, the energy that is created attracts others who are headed in a similar direction. This is how God supports your taking action to serve the greater good.

Remain open, honest, and integrous as you move forward in diligent humility, never looking back but loving, learning, growing, and ever expanding, as you continue to answer the call and continue to take consecutive steps.

Do not be discouraged by the taking of small steps because it may not feel like you’re actually going anywhere. Trust that even if you’ve only moved slightly toward that which you desire, you are still closer than you were the day before and have faith in the cumulative value in every thought and action in anything that you do which honors and draws in your vision of your calling.

If you veer off course, not to worry. Look around. See what hidden treasure can be found in your detour, for there is always something there to find that will help you later on your journey. Respect it. Recalibrate and continue the moving on with your calling.

Find opportunities to serve others as you move forward. The giving to others will not only move you closer to where you want to be, but it pays into the eternal escrow account investments which will benefit you in dividends by allowing you to be blessed to receive what you need, when you need, and then some, at the perfect time along your journey.

It’s not going to be all happiness and joy as you embark upon your personal journey and this is to be expected because it is likely that you will need to acquire new skills and attitude adjustments along the way.

Accept this is all in divine order. It’s God’s way of equipping you with all the skills and abilities you will need to maximize your effectiveness when you arrive at your destination in the perfect time.

Unconditional Love Makes You Angry

You’re not alone if the idea of unconditional love makes you angry.

You’ve been trained to desire unconditional love. You want to be loved for who you are, everything, the good, the bad, your adorable traits and the mistakes you have made and may make from this day forward. To feel as though you could be accepted and loved no matter what is what you long for.

You can look back on decisions and actions you’ve initiated in your past didn’t turn out the way you planned and may have turned out badly, possibly making you look and feel stupid. You know you could have done better if given a second chance. After all, your intentions were pure when you did it or allowed it to happen.

To be loved, regardless of the stupid things you’ve done in the past, not judged for those things you could have done better and understood as if anyone in the same situation might have done the same thing seems reasonable. And this is what you long for.

While this kind of unconditional love is what you desire, to imagine the offering of such a love to another feels like a preposterous proposition. This is when the idea of unconditional love makes you angry.

What? Love someone no matter what? Do you think I’ve learned nothing from all the pain I’ve endured throughout the course of my life? Have you lost your mind?

If I’ve learned anything, I know you can’t trust anyone, particularly someone you care about, and the more you care about them, the more they will hurt you, and the less you can trust them.

You have surrounded yourself with a protective forcefield in an effort to keep yourself safe from disappointment or risk of being hurt.

Congratulations. You’ve built for yourself and voluntarily checked-in to your hospital fortress where you can find the love you seek from within and heal, because life has been hard, and you need this time to focus on you, isolated from potential harm.

No one would blame you for feeling bad, sad, or mad while suffering from your wounds in your love hospital for recovery. While recovering from these wounds, of course, the idea of unconditional love makes you angry, anyone else in the same situation would feel the same way.

You are suffering from a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), not unlike any other form of PTSD.

If it weren’t for the support of others in their own various stages of love wound recovery, you would be totally alone and isolated in your fortress hospital, and with others who have are also suffering from love’s wounds you develop a supportive camaraderie. This kind of support can prolong your healing as you feel more comfortable in treatment than taking the risk of re-engaging in life outside the walls.

Isn’t the idea of checking one’s self into an isolated healing environment to become well enough to leave the facility and start to live your life again? To not do so transforms your hospital into a prison of your own making to serve out our own self-imposed life sentence. You needn’t suffer the extreme self-abuse of exercising your own love death penalty.

You’re better than that.

You can heal. In fact, you may be far more healed than you believe yourself to be. How many completely healthy people are in hospitals or recovery programs far past their healing because it’s safer to be in the hospital than to face your fears outside in the real world?

It’s time to get up and ambulate. Get outside and exercise your ability to love.

You can still exercise love when the idea of unconditional love makes you angry. No need to push through to unconditional love, but to start loving a little at a time would be highly beneficial.

You might find it helpful to see others as just like you.

You understand yourself so well and you would never intentionally do anything to hurt anyone else, unless in that moment, you felt like you had no other choice, as you were in fully engulfed in the fight-or-flight response. You felt like you had no other option(s).

You don’t have to love what someone else does, but you can still love the person.

Isn’t that what you want?

That is not to say that you allow anyone to abuse you. You have the right and obligation to separate yourself from dangerous situations, but let those situations be an authentic potential risk to you, your body, your mind, or your spirit. Don’t let your fear-inspired imagination to override your ability to find potential danger everywhere you look.

Instead, look to understand and realize that the person with whom you are feeling conflict is looking back at you in the mirror. If you were that person, having lived the same life, you would have done the same thing.

You can feel compassion for that person (not feeling “sorry” for them because that insinuates your superiority), trying to understand what it might like to be like to have to feel as though you might feel like you have to live life, like that. It could make you sad, and even react in a less defensive manner.

Even if the idea of unconditional love makes you angry, don’t let it stop you. Find ways to exercise your love. Start with letting friends in a little deeper. Find a child to love. Make occasions for you to engage in activities that you love, and allow your activities to grow to include more people to participate in those things that you love in public.

Get up. Get out of your love hospital, even if only briefly at first, and one day you will find you no longer rely on your self-restraint and self-imposed love prison sentence.

You have complete control of your release date. You get to leave early based on your healing and good behavior if you want to.

Maybe today is the day.

Write down today’s date, mark it on the calendar, and walk out on your own accord.

Set yourself free.

The greatest love is waiting for you.

Offense as Your Defense

Are you commonly offended or feel disrespected by others? In some, if not most cases, the aggression you feel from someone else isn’t so much an offense as your defense. When you feel like you’ve been emotionally assaulted consider looking within. Is there a possibility that the situation is not an offense so much as it is your defense mechanism overreacting?

The basis of this is a hybrid composite of perception and misinterpretation. Your perception is predisposed, locked and loaded, like a shotgun, ready to protect you from any emotional assault because you’ve been hurt in the past.

That which you look for you will find. If you are loaded for fear, you see potential danger everywhere you look and from this perspective, you are most likely to misinterpret just about anything as a potential assault.

As much as you believe you can understand what a person is really thinking, the truth is you can never know what’s going on inside someone’s head, still you look for the potential threat behind the words which is little more than bad mind reading.

Consider that some people just prefer to state the facts and they are quite adept at doing so without anticipating how it might be interpreted by another person to whom the direct response is directed (or overheard by a third-party who doesn’t fully understand the complete framework of the soundbite).

This includes the “Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay”* folks who believe that “yes” and “no” are complete sentences. By not mincing words and just stating the bare statements, assertions, and/or facts, it engenders misinterpretation to fill in the gaps of unspoken words fueled by unintended abruptness.

Then there is also Mr. Or Mrs. Nicely-nice. He or she will do anything to tiptoe around the subject or matter at hand to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings or conflict. These people do not realize that by beating around the bush their attempt to communicate can be interpreted as having something to hide or potentially a hidden agenda, which secretly cancels out their attempts at being perceived as “nice.”

For those who are socially inept, their method(s) of communication can seem rude or abrupt, making you feel as though they are being rude or mean when they are just awkward in their ability to communicate succinctly. They have no idea that their communication is being interpreted negatively, and can’t imagine why someone would not take their words at face value.

If you were to be honest with yourself, you might consider that even you tend to say things in a manner which makes sense to you in all its brevity without considering how it might be received by a listener who does not possess the full understanding of your breadth of knowledge which resides in the knowledge safely locked away inside your mind, yet undisclosed in your statement. You just assume that your audience understands what you’re saying, when nothing could be further from the truth.

When we don’t fully understand what someone is trying to communicate, we tend to fill in the blank spaces with information from our own lives.

If you are in a defensive position, you tend to fill in the blanks with hidden agendas, threats of violence, or other types of potential emotional abuse.

Be open to the idea that people are just people, and for the most part, they are not “out to get you.”

I’m not saying not to be aware, but do not look for demons everywhere, for if you do you can find them anywhere, even if it is not so.

You deserve to live a better life.

* Matthew 5:37