7 Steps to Recovery from the Affair Infidelity

It happened. You found out, by whatever means that your partner was unfaithful. Here are 7 steps to recovery from the affair. Infidelity has broken your trust and the relationship, but there might still be a chance you can recover from the affair and resume life with the cheater, if you can include these 7 steps in your process of healing and growth together.

Upon discovery, how the couple moves from this point forward will give you a good idea about how you might be able to predict if there is hope for your relationship after infidelity.

People make mistakes, and none of us is flawless. We all experience moments or weakness or indiscretion, but this need not be the death blow to your relationship, though it may feel like that when you first become aware that your partner has cheated on you.

7 Steps to Recovery from the Affair Infidelity

There is a successful formula that can be followed to achieve the best results possible when discovering an affair, dealing with the cheater and the betrayal, and reconciling. Note that even in the best of circumstances, only one of four sincere attempts as at recovery achieve a satisfactory degree of success.

If your attempt to reconcile includes the following 7 ingredients, these elements greatly enhance your chances of success.

1. Initial Separation

When one first hears about or otherwise discovers that there has been a betrayal of trust in the relationship, the initial emotional reactions of either or both parties may be counterproductive to recovering from the affair. It is suggested that a period of separation be imposed by the betrayed to establish a period of time (a minimum of 72 hours or more as designated by the victim) for the victim to have time to process the information and achieve grounding before digging into the details of the tryst. It also gives the unfaithful partner time to consider the gravity of his or her actions. If, during the separation, he or she who conducted the affair contacts the extra-relational partner (especially if sexual conduct is involved) or acts as if he or she is “single,” this will indicate the relationship is unsalvageable, even if the betrayed partner has no awareness of it.

2. Full Disclosure

When the betrayer is forthcoming in disclosing the details openly and honesty, there is a great deal of hope for recovering from the infidelity. The unfaithful partner must be remorseful, and humble. This can be extremely difficult for both parties. The victim of the affair must take caution in asking about details of the affair and have the strength to deal with the answers received in the best way possible. This is very sensitive territory and it will be hard for the partner who had the affair to be forthcoming because he or she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. That’s why they would rather lie about it, because in most circumstances, he or she still loves you. To prove it, he or she will be…

3. Stepping Down

The cheater must be willing to step down and let the suffering partner take chief position in the effort of trying to repair the damage caused by the infidelity. The betrayer has usurped his or her authority by stepping outside the healthy bounds of the relationship. For recovery to be possible, they must be willing to hand the torch to the victim of the betrayal, who will now direct how the process of recovery will go. While steeping down, adopting remorseful humility and establish non-defensive approach to reconciling, will empower effort to reconcile for a more positive and sustainable outcome.

4. Focus on Rebuilding Trust

The trust has been broken and without trust there is no authentic relationship. The victim takes the role of the conductor, guiding the couple through any steps that might be necessary to rebuild the trust. Patience, humility, and loving-kindness in the attitude and responses offered by he or she who conducted the affair will help move things in a positive manner, but be forewarned that this may be a lengthy process as wounds from infidelity often run deep and are the most difficult to heal. This healing will take hard work, dedication, and time.

5. No Contact

The partner who has conducted the affair must be willing to sever all ties to the person who was involved in the act(s) of infidelity. According to the offended partner, the offender may have to conduct a message of “ending it once and for all” with the person with whom he or she conducted the affair with. The wounded partner may want to participate in the statement of final statement of closure in person, or listening in on the statement. Such a message of closure must also include a statement of love, commitment, and dedication to recovery to the betrayed partner. This individual must be avoided at all cost and may have to include a change of job or social interactive circumstances.

6. No Secrets

The unfaithful partner must be willing to live their future with full confidence in the betrayed partner, willing to commit to a full disclosure vibration, keeping no secrets from the partner. If there are any secrets kept, they should be kept with the wounded partner, no one else, in the recovery process. This may include full disclosure or passwords and other keys, surrendering of burner phones and inclusion of historical records, including banking or other secluded information. 100% openness and transparency indicates increased hope of successful reconciliation.

7. Focused Healing

Both parties must be focused on the healing that is necessary to recover from the betrayal of trust in the relationship. Wounded victims may suffer not only emotionally but physiological suffering may have a negative expression in the biological sphere of the betrayed. This may expressed as a deterioration of immunity, loss of energy and added propensity to chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, and/or increased risk of sickness or disease. If both participants are focused on the healing and reparation of the relationship, there is a greatly enhanced hope for recovery.

With these  7 steps to recovery from the affair, infidelity recovery can be possible if two people are committed to arriving at a possible outcome and if they are a part of the recovery process can greatly increase your probability of success.

If you can survive this as a couple, you may be able to continue to grow and increase your intimate connection having survived such a challenge and emerge as one of the power couples that the rest of us mere mortal admire so much.

May you be such an example of overcoming and rising to new height of love and life that we all aspire to.

If not, know that a faithful, loving, and monogamous partner is waiting for you, but he or she will not be able to appear until you have released this one, and signed off on the final chapter of this part of your journey.

 

No Drama Please in Love Relationships

If you have been in a past relationship that had a lot of drama in it, you may have come to a place of unwillingness to accommodate any drama from anyone who may present themselves to you as a potential mate. No one is saying this is a good thing or a bad thing, it just is what it is. This is a form of protection for the sake of self-preservation.

If this applies to your circumstance, at some time in a potential courtship, you may notice one or more apparent inconsistencies which will sound off alarms in your heart and mind. Many a potentially loving relationship was cut short by an early warning detection system raising red flags, which can be found everywhere you look. (This is a natural neurological condition referred to as the reticular activating system or RAS for short.)

If this bit of neural psychology is correct, if you’ve been hurt by someone, you will have reviewed all the little clues that you missed that would have been apparent and available to you consciously had you been more aware or suspicious. In many cases, you miss these signs due to the surge of the hormone Oxytocin which causes rosy retrospection otherwise known as having donned rose-colored glasses.

This is to say, if you are in love, the red flags that may have alerted you to something being amiss were overlooked and misinterpreted as cute inconsistencies or eccentricities or seen as having little meaning or threat.

Upon review following a failed relationship, all these warning signs become painfully apparent which may lead to a condition called pistanthrophobia that presupposes that the victim will be unable to trust anyone who presents him or herself as a potential suitor or suitress.

You want to survive the next relationship, so you’re constantly reviewing the data you’ve processed and measure against your observations of your next potential mate, ever looking for clues that there is trouble amiss.

This is a necessary method of self-preservation. It’s what helps us survive and is a logical way to avoid another bad relationship. The downside?  Pistanthrophobia will likely sabotage all potential future relationships, because it can color normal abstract human behavior as threatening red flags. And the mind will go to great lengths to take the reigns of the imagination and build up cases against any potential romantic relationship on the flimsiest nuggets of misinformation.

This will have the unfortunate consequence of assuring failure after failure for romance for the seeker of true and lasting love, as unsubstantiated clues are met with Miss Interpretation leading to Red Flag Obsession.

Sufferers of pistanthrophobia will prematurely end a potential relationship with a positively loving individual who may display a moment of weakness or a slight misstep that sounds emergency alarms all over town in the life of the overly cautious and protective seeker of true and enduring love. The result? The extermination and loss of a true love potential.

What is the answer?

A qualified family therapist or relationship coach can help an earnest seeker of love, dig up the roots of love failures of the past, process the lessons learned, and move on securely in faith, trust, and true love, a love that starts with one’s self, then overflows into the hearts of others.

All those negative experiences?

Successfully harnessed can help lead you into the powerful love relationship you are looking for.

Don’t give up. Get help. Heal. Get strong. Open your heart, and let your love flow.

Predict If There Is Hope for Your Relationship After Infidelity

You can often predict if there is hope for your relationship after infidelity by paying attention to how the cheater replies to the awareness that such a betrayal has occurred, and how the information was obtained.

If the cheater comes to you with the details of the affair and appears to express remorse over the event and says that he or she will do whatever is necessary to repair the offense and the relationship, there is a good chance the relationship is not only salvageable but may grow to be better and stronger than before the infidelity.

What if You Find Out About Cheating in Any Other Way?

If you heard about the affair in some other way, such as hearing about the infidelity from a third party or caught your partner either in discrepancies or worse yet, actively engaged in unfaithfulness, then there may still be hope for the reparation of your relationship.

If you have been betrayed by your partner, this should never be taken lightly. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen in a relationship. I don’t know how many times I have been told by couples that infidelity is the one dealbreaker in the relationship, to where there could be no recovery. Yet, I have seen these same couples face such a relationship crime and not only recover but thrive as their relationship grows beyond the possibility of couples who have not faced such a challenge.

How the Cheater Responds Will Help Predict Your Relationship Future

If the person who participated in the infidelity demonstrates any of the following responses, there is little or no hope for your relationship having any successful outcome.

Relationship Death Clues

Denies everything Leaves the relationship without discussion
Devalues and disrespects the betrayed Protects objects of infidelity
Inability to be truthful and honest Does not accept responsibility
Chooses to live a life of secrecy and deception The adulterer thinks their needs are primary
Adopts an air of superiority Blames the betrayed partner
No respect for the relationship Not seeing any worthwhile future

You may hear statements that are commonly used by those who are unable to rebuild trust and take the relationship to a new label. These cheaters will say things, like,

  • It’s my body, I can do what I want
  • Any sexual urge I have must be satisfied
  • If no one knows, it doesn’t matter
  • I must feel good, whatever it takes
  • If I am aroused by someone else, I must be with the wrong person
  • If I am stressed, I need (outside) sexual energy
  • That’s how I one-up my partner (by having someone else)
  • I always give, now I’m taking
  • I’ve been with so many, I could never go back

And even though these attitudes and statements statistically reinforce the idea that there is no hope for the relationship, there is still hope, even though the outlook is bleak.

Look Out

The thing to look out for here; is that someone with sociopathic or predatory psychopath tendencies may feign efforts to reconcile only to further brutalize you far worse by increasing the stakes monumentally.

In this case, the sooner you end the relationship, the better.

You can see this is a delicate balance, and by now, you are starting to see the wisdom in seeking out third-party help in a family counselor or relationship coach to help you navigate these murky waters.

Once a Cheater Always a Cheater

It is commonly said “once a cheater always a cheater” and statistically, there is truth to the statement in general, but it does not take into account the greater number of success stories that abound about cheaters turned faithful spouses.

How Can I Predict If There Is Hope for My Relationship After Infidelity?

There are certain clues to look for that will in a sense predict if your relationship has a higher chance of surviving infidelity.

Surviving Infidelity Successfuly

The number one indicator is that the offender came to you directly, humbly, remorseful, and this is how you found out. In this case, if he or she has intimated to you his or her sorrowfulness for the betrayal and the willingness to do anything to make up for the affair. This is the best hope you have for a stronger relationship in the future.

Regardless of how you became aware of the infidelity, the initial response of the offender is a leading indicator of a healthy and positive outcome from this otherwise relationship-destroying crisis.

The cheater

  1. Takes full responsibility, does not blame the faithful partner
  2. Is remorseful, sincerely apologetic, and feels guilty for the betrayal
  3. Seeks forgiveness, and is willing to do whatever is necessary for as long as it takes to heal the relationship
  4. Is completely honest and forthcoming about any and all details regarding the infidelity
  5. Makes a complete break with the object(s) of the infidelity, i.e., no contact
  6. Surrenders all devices and communication methods if requested (burner phones, bills, bank records, email accounts/passwords, etc.)
  7. Allows the betrayed partner to dictate the path the relationship-healing will take

When a cheater is willing to come forth and cooperate in such a manner, the person who was betrayed by the unfaithful partner is more than likely able to do the work necessary to establish trust in the relationship once again.

If your unfaithful partner is willing to come to you with this level of openness and honesty, there is a high probability that a supremely successful relationship with this person who has failed the relationship is likely. (Unless he or she is a predatory individual on the Anti-Social Personality Disorder spectrum.)

These are the two extremes.

No Chance of Recovery

Signs of little chance of success, so that you can feel better about cutting your losses and finding ways to shore up your own self-love and wellbeing and severing ties with a cheater who is likely to make matters even worse if given half-the-chance.

Being forewarned is being forearmed. Unless you decide to try to rebuild the relationship even from this bleak position. Let it be known that there are no absolutes in statistics regarding infidelity because after all, the participants are human beings, not statistics. I have seen relationships recover in the harshest circumstances but be fully aware that this is very rare indeed.

Best Chance of Full Recovery

The other extreme depicts the humbly brokenhearted contrite spirit of a man or woman who admits his moment of weakness, acknowledging his or her mistakes, and willingness to do whatever it takes to reestablish trust, wholeness, and oneness.

Restoration is Possible

Even in the best of circumstances, successful relationship restoration may not or may be possible. The best chance of full recovery is only the starting point. In no way am I saying that if the cheater represents himself or herself as honest and repentant as can be, does not mean that the betrayed partner should forgive and reembrace the betrayer based on face value.

Infidelity is a psychological and/or physiological activity that indicates that there is deep work to be done which either or both parties may have no idea may be simmering deep beneath the surface of either one or both participants in this relationship.

Only the Beginning

Regardless of how you decide to go forward in this relationship, this is only the beginning of a long journey, that could end up being your worst nightmare, or the most glorious awe-inspiring example of love’s power to overcome even the worst of circumstances.

This is why you should seek out a family counselor or relationship coach to help you deal with this growth process who has experience in such things.

Only the going forward or not and time will tell.

 

Unequal Energetic Break up with a Cheater

Many problems can occur within the bounds of relationships, especially when there is an unequal energetic break up with a cheater at hand. Relationships can bring out the best or the worst among the participants and one partner may be shocked at how everything shifts immediately when they have been unequally yoked with a cheater.

In the throes of a love relationship, everything appears to be equal, as this can be an intimate time of sharing and caring. You might even entertain the of growing in a relationship together, even to become “one flesh,” as they say, or there may be an undercurrent of relationship imbalance that you are unaware of.

Sometimes, even the best of couples can find themselves at odds as they realize their paths are no longer headed in the same direction, and parting, as difficult as it can be, appears to be the only logical thing to do.

There is an unequivocal shift of balance at the end of the relationship when one discovers that he or she has been embroiled with a cheater.

They say that, “He who loves the least rules the relationship.” That is to say one of the partners is a little more demanding of subservience, a sort of, “It’s my way or the highway,” attitude. If one of these lovers is a cheater, the one who is cheating is a little more demanding (for he or she loves the least) insisting that, “If you make one wrong move, I am out of here.” And may add, “and you will never hear from or see me again as long as you live,” or something to that effect.

So, it can come as quite a shock to the lover who has caught his or her partner cheating. The offended partner may have undertaken the rigorous painstaking procedures to launch a personal investigation in the hopes of being able to confront the cheater and have a conversation about the offender’s desire to seek intimate attention outside of the relationship.

Often, this is a good way to go about it, because as many jilted partners have found out, to accuse a partner without any evidence can easily be dismissed as blind jealousy or mental instability.

You are ready. You have exerted much meticulous effort to have the documentation necessary to approach your cheating partner, only to find that at the very first mention of infidelity, your partner responds with something, like, “I told you that if you,” (insert any number of conditions) “that I would be gone, forever.”

Then he or she promptly packs his or her bags and leaves to start his or her new life. The groundwork for which has already been laid. The cheater already has new romantic interests in the wings, may have casual sex partners (nowadays, both physical and virtual) , has a strong network of people set up to party and celebrate with, and can easily defame the partner he or she cheated on, proclaiming that the victim was a jealous psycho who accused him or her (the cheater) of horrendous, unbelievable things (though many of them would be, in fact, truths, if not all of them).

All of this was premeditated and put in place, ready to launch in an instant. All you had to do was to question the cheater. The cheater is under no obligation to respond to any of your accusations or proof. Why? Because it is over.

Only you may still be in love. You may be emotionally and physically suffering from the impact of the reality of this situation, and maybe your intention was to try to work through this crisis to see of your relationship would be one of the great relationships which could survive infidelity. And believe me, many do.

I have seen so many couples recover from infidelity, even from the worst-case scenarios and recover in the most miraculous ways, but it takes faith, dedication, commitment, and a willingness to do the deep (most likely the hardest) work to break through to true love. It happens.

Far more often, though, these relationships end abruptly (though many may go through many break-ups on the way to the final one) with one partner joyously celebrating their new life and freedom, while the other one suffers. This is a clear and present unequal energetic breakup with a cheater, which is extremely difficult for the partner cheated upon to recover from.

If the cheater is narcissistic, sociopathic, or has psychopathic tendencies, he or she may be very pleased with him- or her-self the more devastating his or her departure is to the victim of the breakup. The more wounded you are, the more powerful they feel. So, they will often flaunt their new celebratory life in your face as they discredit you all the way, just to add insult to any preexisting injury.

Has this ever happened to you?

If it has, please understand that you did nothing wrong. You may feel bad due to being suddenly shocked by the infidelity, the lies, the cheating, and no one would blame you. You are still in love and your ex- not so much. He or she is gone and trashing you all the way as they embark on their new life, while your heart is broken and bleeding.

Try not to give them the satisfaction of seeing you suffer. Healing will take time. Surround yourself with anyone who will not discredit you or call you a liar. Hopefully, you can find someone who will tell you something nice about you for a change. When you find these people keep them close and find your strength from within to feel good about yourself… without the need to strike out at your ex.

Most people will seek some revenge and want to expose the cheater with the truth of the proof they have gathered. Believe me, this will only prolong your healing process, and make your life even more drama prone. Resist seeking revenge.

The best revenge is to live a vastly successful and amazing life, regardless of what challenges you may have faced. Focus on doing that, as you ignore your naysayers.

You may find yourself participating in poor self-talk, ruminating about the past, thinking about the time and energy you wasted truly loving this person, beating yourself up for not seeing this sooner, or any other type of negative thought patterns. Please find ways to resist doing so, and thank God, that you found out now, and not later. (This could have been far worse if it had been alowed to continue even longer.)

You are better off without this person’s deceit and lies in your life.

Though it may not seem like it right now, know this: There is someone out there who is so well suited for you that every moment you spend with him or her will seem like a miracle in comparision to this experience.

 

 

 

What You Do Today Determines Who You Will Be

You are the most powerful person in your world today. What you do today determines who you will be. Your choices today have a huge impact on your future. You are creating the path of your life based on your thoughts, the words you speak, and what you do.

What You Do Today Determines Who You Will Be

Gandhi
Gandhi

You already know the best predictor of future events is what happened in the past. What happened today has the greatest, most relevant, impact on what lies ahead, because it could shift the entire future. As Gandhi has said, “The future depends on what you do today.”

What You Think, Say, and Do

Your thoughts are so powerful, they are what you spend most of your waking hours doing, and their effect on your life is immeasurable. Largely, the world influences what you spend your waking hours thinking about.

Change Your Thinking

Consider this; if you could change what you think about, you can change your life for the better.

This is the most impactful action you can take is to start at the biological root of your life’s energy systems. The more attention you pay to your thoughts, you can take action to immediately (or as soon as possible) choose a new thought, replacing a negative thought with something very positive.

Change Your Words

Your words are an expression of your thoughts that run so deep. Your thoughts are based on impulses you are exposed to every moment of every day and hugely influenced by every moment you have lived to now.

The words you speak are very powerful, and your voice box is the doorway to your heart. A negative thought influences your biology and your life greatly but speaking of the negativity opens the pathway to your heart, where it can affect your entire being and the life that surrounds you.

Making a conscious effort to guard your words, consciously deciding what words you will speak, will change your life accordingly. Talk about the good things you want in life and do not dwell (think too much) about the negative things in life, those things over which you have no control.

Change What You Do

When you take any action on something you think about or based on some influential ideology, whatever you do takes time. Time is a good measurement of all things. If you are doing anything that is not in alignment with the future that you desire for yourself, you will be miles ahead in having the life you want by finding ways to spend less time doing the things that do not serve the future you would like to see for yourself (possibly eliminating them altogether if you can) and doing more of the things (ideally only the things) that will direct your path to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Today, what you think, what you say, what you do, determines who you are tomorrow. The good news is, today is a new day.

How You Do It

T. Harve Eker

It’s not only about what you do, but also about how you do a thing. T. Harv Eker has coined the phrase, “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

As you become aware of the things you think, say, and do, you might find yourself learning how you do things. Certainly, there are things that you do in your life that you could do better. If you work for a company or any organization, management is not only looking at what you are doing but how you are doing it. Skilled managers are looking at how the staff handles various tasks are and always looking for ways that they could increase their performance.

You might want to think about applying this strategy to your life as well. Look at the way you are doing the things in your life.

Review

Before you turn in at night, or throughout the day, try to evaluate the things you do from an external perspective and ask yourself, “Could I have done that better?” Then ask yourself, “How could I do that better the next time?” Allowing for the possibility of not doing a thing.

If some action is not serving your higher purpose in life, yet it must be done, think about delegating the task to someone else to whom it is better suited, delegate it, outsource it, or eliminate it if possible, replacing it with a task that will draw you closer to your desired life, thereby maximizing your potential.

Your Choices = Your Future

Those things that you choose to think, say, and do today

Dr. Tim Madding says,

Tim Madding

It’s known as the principle of the path. The path you take today will lead you to a destination later. You should never be surprised where you end up since it is based on a series of decisions made.

“Why am I in so much debt?”

Because you purchased stuff you have chosen that you could not afford.

“Why is my marriage so horrible?”

Because you chose to marry someone you didn’t know and chose not to develop relationship goals to overcome differences.

“Why am I getting divorced?”

Because you chose to flirt with that woman at the office, then go out of your way to see her, then started hanging out and then started sleeping together.

Today what you think, what you say, and what you do determines who you are tomorrow, and you can change your future based on how you do this day.

What are you thinking?

What words are you using?

What are you doing?

 

How to Exert Mind Control Over the Masses

Daniel and I were talking the other day and were discussing subliminal mind control, and we both referenced seeing the same video on YouTube wherein Darren Brown uses subliminal advertising to influence the creative output of a pair of advertising executives. Here is the video:

 

This was part of a discussion we were having about the significant power of sway that the news, media, and advertising over the minds of the people. There is no doubt that we are evolving in thought, changing, and adapting our outlook on life, our opinions, and how we feel about certain topics as we gather new information from these sources.

Some of the media persuasion is bold and overt, while others are subdued, reduced to slipping past the conscious gatekeeper of the mind in an attempt to communicate an idea or thought subconsciously without being recognized by your rational filters.

Television shows, movies, videos, magazines, and tabloids are in charge of presenting ideas to the masses, to persuade them to accept what is cool, desirable, stupid, rude, or utterly offensive. A general rule of thumb to determine who is behind the core message of the media is to ferret out who is funding the project, or as they say, to follow the money.  (Though keep in mind, the actual funding source may be hidden behind many layers of shell corporation. It may take a concerted effort.)

 

How to Exert Mind Control Over the Masses

1 – Disrupt Normal Thought Process

To sway public opinion, you must present the people with a tragic scenario, left with a tough decision to make.

2 – Present the Desired Response

This would be a hard decision for anyone to make but must be presented as the only reasonable option with the best outcome.

3 – Reinforce the Proposed Solution

Reinforce the scenario by delaying any immediate action. Keep supporting “if this” = “then that” is the best action to take.

4 – Storytelling

Storytelling in different ways helps to reinforce the desired result.

5 – Use Games and Training Exercises

Game playing and running through training exercises also help to establish the ability to make instant decisions and taking actions that would normally be hard to do in real-life scenarios.

We see this in everything from schools and religious orders to military and paramilitary organizations.

6 – Create a Manipulative Event

Governments and political groups have used falsified scenarios that have played out in the media to sway the opinion of the masses. A terrifying case is set up and portrayed in the media to sway public opinion, if it is terrifying enough, the goal is achieved, and support garnered, even if the mind of the people were previously against any sort of thought process. This process is referred to as a “false flag” scenario.

People will change entire belief systems in favor of safety and security.

You may even see such a scenario played out among competing businesses. If one business can create the illusion that the other business is in some way responsible for some horrifying event, the consumer consciousness can be converted to support the competition.

The key is to play out the scenario so effectively that the actual source could never be detected.

7 – Fear

High emotion and fear are the most persuasive tones that breakthrough the rational mind’s defenses. If the negative emotions of the people can be aroused, their minds can be changed and they might even be persuaded to protest or even take action based on the information provided.

Fake News

This has turned into a hobby for social media persuaders. Using social media platforms, anyone can present any idea that arouses the negative emotions of others and present it as newsworthy truth. If enough people fall for it, their post goes viral. This is their reward. Today it is a common pastime of many a social media user.

Yes, there are “fact-checkers” that can be accessed by social media users, but as you may have guessed, these, too, can be manipulated by those who seek to exert control over the masses.

Misinformation

Thanks to the Internet and instant access to any information available to anyone at any time, the veil between those truly in the know and those who were controlled by media has fallen. This has given way and necessitated those who would like to control the masses by propaganda to flood the Internet with even more misinformation. The idea here is to create instability in the platform (Internet), enough so that it would cause reason to doubt whatever might be found via your favorite search engine, assuming the results were unfiltered.

Censorship

This brings us to the next method of public mind manipulation, censorship. We are seeing the biggest providers of information obtained by the Internet, mainly Google and Facebook, censoring information to “protect their users.”

You know where that’s leading, right?

What do I think?

I don’t like censorship and I believe that there should be unfiltered access to the Internet. I think that people should be able to filter their own information to suit themselves and take full responsibility for doing so. It appears to me that controlling information to manipulate the thoughts of individuals, all but eliminates individualism.

I make this statement for myself and no one else.

As I caution anyone, even as I share my ideas with you, do not believe me. Get out there. Do your own research and come to your own conclusions.

This is your sacred right. Exercise it

Delayed Gratification The Marshmallow Effect

In the early seventies, a group of 4-year-old kids participated in a Stanford experiment where they were put in a room and given the structure of this scenario; a marshmallow was placed on a table for each child. The researcher explained that any child could eat their marshmallow at any time after the researcher left. But for those who waited until the researcher returned in 15 minutes, they would receive a bonus marshmallow.

You can imagine the tension in the room when the researcher left.

  1. Some of the kids immediately jumped up and snarfed down their marshmallow,
  2. others wriggled in their chairs struggling with the decision whether to pounce on the tasty morsel or wait and at various times they did break down and partake,
  3. while a few waited out the 15 minutes to score both marshmallows.

If you’ve been around kids, had some kids, or been one yourself, you probably expected these results, and you might think that this experiment was a waste of resources but here’s the brilliance behind collecting this data: The experiment did not end there. They tracked these very kids over the course of their life for the next 40 years, and here’s what they found:

The kids who waited patiently were extremely successful in life.

They were happy in life and successfully achieved and realized their individual desires.

This 40-year experiment proved that the person who is willing to delay gratification for a better result later is the key to living a highly successful and happy life.

But wait, there’s more.

Delayed Gratification The Marshmallow Effect v2

The University of Rochester conducted another study based on the original marshmallow experiment with some modifications. Prior to the marshmallow experiment, they split the kids into two groups.

  1. In one group, they provided them with a set of circumstances where they were promised something they never received, while
  2. the other group did receive what they were promised. Like, they were given a small box of crayons and were promised a bigger box.

Half the group received the upgrade, the other half did not.

You don’t have to be a social scientist to have a pretty good idea about how this might impact the marshmallow experiment.

As you might have guessed,

  1. the kids who had experience with not getting what they expected jumped up and ate the marshmallow,
  2. while the other group, the kids with experience with waiting to receive something better and getting it, they had no problem patiently waiting for the second marshmallow.

Even the kids in the second group that did give in and chomp down the marshmallow, they waited four times longer to do so than the kids in the other group prior to succumbing to the premature desire.

What they learned, was that

(1) It was worth it, and

(2) I could do it.

This little brain training increased their ability to delay gratification when it came time to exercise their ability to do so.

While the Stanford experiment was random, the Rochester version demonstrated that the concept of delayed gratification for a better result was something that could be learned. The brain could be trained to either trust the idea or not based on experience.

You and the Marshmallow Effect

What this means is that anyone could do this. If someone is unsuccessful in life, they could learn and practice delayed gratification to achieve a desired result. This is a large portion of the work that I do with my clients. Some are able to fully embrace the idea, while others not so much. No judgment, no right or wrong. We’re all different, doing the best we can with what we have.

There is no doubt, my clients who fully embrace the concept of delayed gratification, they do achieve their results faster and greater than would otherwise be possible, but it takes measures of diligence, sacrifice, and patience to do it.

You are bombarded with distractions every day that interrupt your otherwise intentional focus on achieving more in life. For those who give in and entertain the distraction, life is harder for them, and the good things in life that are coming their way start to fade away.

You are successful in life because you are willing to sacrifice immediate gratification, you resist succumbing to distraction, and diligently maintain a consistent vibration as you move forward to your goal, even if it means sitting in a chair patiently and meditating on your bonus marshmallow for 15 minutes.

This is who you are, and it is why you are one of the few who live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Is Addiction Blocking You?

The people I work with are highly motivated to achieve particular goals and to do good work in the world. People often refer to me as a motivator, but to tell the truth, I am not. The people who come to me already have all the motivation they need to accomplish what they desire.

What I do see them struggle with, in their search for accomplishment, are certain blockages that keep them from making forward progress. One such block I see preventing them from achieving the success they seek is addiction.

Addiction is a curious blocker of all the good things this life is trying to bring to us. I have some experience with treating addiction. I started my ministry back in the day with a Christian addiction treatment program, and what I learned is that God Source Energy is a powerful treatment for addiction.

Spirituality to Overcome Addiction

There are many methods to approach integrating God into a treatment program, but in my experience, those who overcame their addictions for life did so by incorporating the name of “Jesus” into their regular spiritual routines. A noticeable 30% increase in success with only a 3% recidivism rate.

I am not suggesting that any treatment for addiction is better than any other, but that freedom from addiction is necessary for any sustainable high level of success.

Addiction Barrier

Why? Because addiction creates a barrier between you, solely in your flesh, and higher energies which you would have access to for assistance in your project which is hugely beneficial if you are trying to make the leap from where you are to where you want to be.

I am not talking about anything religious. Access to these higher energies is available to anyone who wants them. All that is required is that you desire access to them. You need to be open and not actively blocking access to them.

Addictions have an energetic vibration that creates something like a force field that actually inhibits access to these higher energies. This energetic field can be pierced for access even when one is actively participating within the energetic field of addiction.

Is addiction blocking you?

If you are having trouble making it to the next level in your journey, you could be facing blockages that are preventing you from energetic assistance from beyond your physical 3D experience. Yes. You could do great things in your flesh, but your efforts would be multiplied exponentially if you could access and energize your project(s) with energy from above. Addiction is a common blocker of these powerful celestial support systems.

These are methods that we used in Christian rehab and outreach. We discovered that prayer, intense concentration, and meditative desire to connect to your higher source could pierce the energetic barrier, and again, reciting the name of Jesus in one’s attempt to break through the barrier did achieve 30% quicker access and more sustained connection to higher source energy. No particular belief in Jesus was necessary or required.

When we think about addictions, alcohol and illegal drugs come to mind, but other addictions also come with this energetic vibration that blocks access to your higher power, including addictions to prescription drugs, gambling, eating disorders, sex, and other obsessive behaviors.

Three Most Powerful Tools for Beating Addiction

1. Prayer
2. Visualization
3. Modeling

The most powerful tools that we used in breaking through the deluge of addiction are the power of prayer and fervent visualization of being on the other side, free of the addiction. Visualizing and modeling. Modeling is the taking on the personality and life of the person you imagine yourself to be free from the addiction. Like putting on a suit of clothes and pretending to be that person.

After pretending for a while, you begin to feel more comfortable and confident with the new you, free from addiction, and with access to your higher energies, you can sustain this new you for the rest of your life.

These are still the powerful tools that I use today in my practice. Keeping in mind that the name of Jesus will yield a 30% increase in efficacy and energetic infusion throughout the process, if the client is so inclined.

Without the addiction barrier, you can achieve a healthy balance in life, as addiction is the enemy of balance.

Freedom from addiction is a powerful way to maximize your efforts to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

 

What is Your Body Trying to Tell You?

Maybe it’s time to listen to what your body is trying to tell you. If your life is not going the way that you thought it should go, your body, all its parts, right down beneath the cellular level, even your DNA naturally knows what is best for you, and is communicating with you, trying to help you along the way, but you are not listening.

Your Body’s Built-in Warning System

There are people who are aware of this technology and are harmoniously tuned in to every beat of their heart, every breath they take, every feeling they feel, and use them as clues to what is happening around them.

Based on information communicated by your body, you can have a much better approach to life, situations, and circumstances, and can quickly make decisions based on what your body is telling you.

When your body speaks, the range can go from silently subtle to hugely obvious, yet most of us still do not listen to what the body is trying to say to us, even when it is painfully obvious that this communication is taking place.

Here are a dozen of the ways your body is trying to get your attention.

Top 12 Body Speaks

1. Knee-jerk Rejection

Like your first instinctual response to blurt out “No,” or, “No, thank you,” Is the best response for you. Especially when it just sort of blurts out, almost like you didn’t even have a chance to think it through first. More often than not, this thinking-through process causes more pain and suffering than you might have otherwise desired.

Rather than inviting others to test their skills of persuasion or negotiation on you, trusting your instinctive first reaction will allow you to build your skillset for setting boundaries. When it comes to the response of others in your circle of influence, if you haven’t been in the setting boundaries business in the past, when you start to do so, you may find that they get angry when you set boundaries.

2. Something Not Right

Your body will give you signs that something or someone is not going to be good for you. Like when you first meet someone and think to yourself, “There’s something not right about this person,” but you can’t quite put your finger on it or rationalize why you might feel this way.

Most of us will ignore this instinctive clue, and allow this person to convince us how wonderful they are, and let them talk us out of our initial reaction to meeting them, and the more we do so, the easier it is to not listen to the body the next time, until you end up not hearing what your body has to say, no matter how hard it tries to communicate to us.

3. Dreadful Feeling

If you are in the presence of another person and you feel a sudden feeling of utter dread in your gut (for men) or in your heart (for women), as if you felt as though something horrible was going to happen, like this person was going to be in a traumatic fatal accident, or you might feel death looking over your shoulder.

You rationalize yourself out of this feeling because there is nothing to base this (otherwise random) feeling on. But your body is trying to warn you that letting your guard down or allowing this person to access your precious inner circle may have dire consequences.

If you think back to every time, you ever felt this way, you will likely remember letting this person have access to you and yours, and now when you look back, the relationship has since ended. More likely than not, it ended badly. And it is also likely that you have numbed yourself to this reaction, and you are not alone, most of us have done this as well.

In a court of law, “I just had a weird feeling when I met this guy,” is not going to be respected or valued as reliable testimony because it can easily be instantly discarded with a wave of the hand and uttering some disrespectful phrase, such as, “It might just have been something you ate.”

4. Twitching/Cramps

Involuntary twitching of the eye or hand, pumping of the leg, or muscle cramps from small muscles of the toes to larger muscles like the toes, can be your body trying to get your attention.

This is a good time to start looking around for clues. What was taking place at the time of the involuntary interruption? Collect data, and if you are in a position to record your findings, you will be amazed how things you may not have noticed otherwise, make perfect sense later.

5. Energy Drain

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who you feel like all your life force was drained from your body when you were exposed to them?

This is a hint that you should probably limit their exposure to you. We refer to them as energy vampires and at the very least, this individual is toxic as they have a negative impact on the quality of your life. If this is a family member, you may not be able to cut them completely out of your life, but you could avoid them when you can.

6. Anxiety or Panic

If you life is normally on an even keel and you suddenly have an anxious feeling or panic that appears to be unfounded on the surface, again, this is an excellent time to start looking around for clues in real-time. Pay attention to what is happening around you and document it.

7. Bloody Nose

Some people experience an unexpected bleeding nose for no apparent reason. I mean, you were just minding your own business, and then all of a sudden, your nose begins to bleed. You were not in a bar fight, nothing even touched your nose, but here you are bleeding from the nose for who knows why.

Your body can respond to a potentially negative situation or circumstance by a drastic increase of blood pressure which could cause your nose to bleed unexpectedly.

8. Pain

Ever get a sudden pain in your (insert any location on or within your body) that shouldn’t have any pain there? You didn’t suffer an injury in that location, you don’t have any disease associated with that spot, it’s just painful without a logical reason why.

That is communication in progress. Now, it might be communication about a physical ailment that should be attended to, but that aside, it is your body telling you something is wrong.

9. Skin Disorders

Does your hand start itching when you shake that person’s hand? Do you break out in a rash after hanging out with that person? Do you get blisters on your feet (or anyone else) following exposure to that person?

You may experience any kind of skin-related reaction to circumstances that do not serve you, such as when you do an overtime, or have to take on a task that is not congruent with your life goals.

You can mask these warning body expressions by many methods and continue to desensitize this method of communication, and they may subside after a while, but when you look back, you will wish you paid better attention to your body.

10. Accidents

Are you more susceptible to accidents than before? Have you lost your otherwise sure footing? Do you lose your balance? If you have eliminated health concerns such as ear infections, changes in vision, multiple sclerosis, and brain tumor, and still are living life as an unskilled stunt person, these incidents can be your body telling you about something being severely out of whack with the manner in which you are living your life.

Your being accident-prone may vanish once you have taken the wheel of your life and got it back on track again.

11. Chronic Illness or Disease

Not listening to what your body has to say will have your body kicking up the intensity of its communication methods which can lead to your body’s allowing you to contract a disease or to suffer chronic complications from illnesses that trouble you more and more over time.

Your body is saying that something is tragically out of balance.

I have found through the years in my practice that chronic illness and disease are clues to something significant being out of balance in a patient’s life. No (or few) doctors will press beyond diagnosing diseases or treating symptoms, but if someone has been suffering for six months or more, or has a life-threatening disease, I help them to start looking more closely at their life.

Amazingly, if you can uncover these inconsistencies and sort them out, when balance is achieved, the suffering stops, the symptoms fade away, and spontaneous healing or a miracle occurs.

12. Deterioration and Death

If you resist listening to your body’s cues for long enough, it can give up. Your immune system can fail, and your body will age more rapidly as you are unable to heal during the recovery-and-repair cycle that normally takes place while you sleep.

This is not to say that all or any of these symptoms are unrelated to other issues, rather, in my practice in many cases, these have been common indicators that pointed to significant changes which needed to be made in a client’s life.

Once the personal issues were determined and resolved by the client, the symptoms vanished.

What is your body trying to tell you?

What Do You Call Someone Who is Not Embracing Their Special Gifts and Abilities?

Depending on who you are, your feelings about these people are different from others. What Do You Call Someone Who is Not Embracing Their Special Gifts and Abilities? There are many labels we put onto people who are not in the process of achieving their full potential or sharing their God-given gifts and abilities.

What Do You Call Someone Who is Not Embracing Their Special Gifts and Abilities

If you are a mover and shaker, you might look at them judgmentally, you might call them “losers.” The list of names is coming up, but more important than what we call them, the biggest question of all is “Why?” Why would anyone let their life just fly by, only to look back at your life with a laundry list of regrets? Regrets for not embracing their special gifts and abilities.

Regrets for not living a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

People who do embrace their special gifts and abilities who are active in passionately pursuing their purpose in life, they are not special people, they are people just like you and me, and they are also just like those who are not doing so. Really, we are all the same. We all share the same potential.

If you are the proactive type of person who is dedicated to achieve your highest and best, you run the affairs of your life differently. You are more likely to take the hard road to get what you want rather than take the easy road to “good enough,” or “OK,” and it is not easy.

Sacrifices are made hard work is performed, with little or no support from your peers or the very people that you are trying to see benefit from your efforts. In many cases, making a commitment and following through on your calling or special purpose is a thankless effort, and you may even need to endure ridicule from friends, relatives, and onlookers, while you are doing the work that is necessary while following your vision.

This creates a proactive dreamer on the path to achieving his or her highest and best, who is diligently committed, pressing through the challenges and overcoming the obstacles that stand between where they are and where they want to be, while others are watch from the outside and make fun of them for even thinking that they could aspire to anything greater than their normal lot in life.

That is, of course, until they are successful in their transformation. All of a sudden, you are the respected expert in your field, and those people who made fun of you, are telling all their friends that they know you, and you are one of their closest and most trusted friends, and might even tell people how they were so supportive of you, helping you to achieve your dream come true.

This is the nature of people, and it’s no surprise that these committed high-achievers might harbor some bitterness toward those naysayers who disrespected them as they persevered to make it from where they were to where they are today.

They are likely to engage in a bit of name-calling. I mean, they have sacrificed all to get to where they are, and when they look around at people they care about who are more likely as for a handout than how they could go through the same metamorphosis for themselves because it seems like it is impossible or too much work. When these people had those same inhibitions and fears, but they remained steadfast in their commitment to themselves no matter what. They didn’t let anything stop them. And the way they think about others who think they can’t do it or refuse to do so, has a bit of resentment associated with it.

If you ask them,

What Do You Call Someone Who is Not Embracing Their Special Gifts and Abilities?

They are likely to respond with labels such as,

1. Loser
2. Burnout
3. Dropout
4. Daydreamer
5. Wage Slave
6. Wasted Talent
7. Uncommitted
8. Coaster
9. Weak-kneed Wannabe
10. Ignorant Sheep

It is easy to see the disrespect in these labels for people who are not embracing their special gifts and abilities.

Then there are the coaches, those of us who team up with individuals who have had a glimpse of the light, those who have decided to step forward and join the ranks of the others who have had the gall to take on the wild adventure of pursuing their passions and a better life.

We see the potential, and as a transfiguration specialist, I can easily see you at your highest and best and can see the map with the best roads to take to get you from here to there, even though there are many possibilities. I can see the quickest and easiest way, and all the other roads that are available.

There are many things that can get in the way along the path, and some people respond better to these challenges and obstacles, so we adjust the path based on your bandwidth, threshold, and ability to persevere through adversity.

Coaches are more likely to not see a loser, only unlimited possibility, and enormous potential. Can you arise and take on the challenge of achieving your highest and best?

There’s only one person who knows the answer to that one: You.

Are you ready?