Author: davidmastersadmin

How to Not Take It Personally

When you see that person who is calm, in a state of zen, and nothing seems to bother them, you think, “What the hell is wrong with that person?”

What you might find, is that they have mastered the idea that nothing is personal. They don’t seem to get uptight (much) and stuff just seems to roll off their back, as they don’t get overanxious or take things personally. They embrace the idea that things are as they are and that’s okay.

You, too, could begin living a life free from the angst of others, because, after all, people will disagree with you, even scheme to trip you up, or try to make you look as if you’re overreacting in front of peers or coworkers, just to prove they can.

Rather than react, you could opt to stop taking things personally and take away their superpower in an instant.

First of all, make a list of the things that piss you off (you know the people that piss you off have this list, shouldn’t you?). Next, review the list. What do yo find? Look for the key components that bother you (this can be an exciting journey in self-discovery, as you find the things that irk you the most often are related to key life moments in your past – or early childhood – torturing you in the present).

Try to look at the issue from other perspectives and think about how a particular thing or topic that carries with it a powerful negative charge and ask, “Does it really matter?” In the scope of the life and times of the human race, many a mountain has been made of molehills, just to cause division between peoples, when in reality, very little is truly meaningful. And when you think of it, nothing has meaning, except for the meaning that you give it.

 

Take a look at celebrities, politicians and other public figures that take massive stands, expecting others to conform to their point of view. How is that working for them?

I discovered long ago, you are more likely to get someone to see from your perspective if you love and accept them just they way they are without expectation, rather than entering into a heated debate or brow-beating them.

If community or global issues get you riled up, realize whatever it is, is not happening to your, personally. Position yourself as a supporter instead of a protester. Protesters (those who expend a great deal of energy in opposition to something) actually add more energy to the thing they are standing against, strengthening the very thing they don’t want. On the other hand, supporters put their energies toward what they do want (the solution) thereby increasing its effectiveness.

Remember that life is what it is. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go ’round, and start making room in your psyches to allow others to be as they are. Take the position of the observer rather than the enforcer. It’s not your job to control others, so try to find opportunities to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

As you are growing into a more tolerant lifestyle, embracing who you are without having to have anyone conform to your personal standards, you may begin to see others doing the same thing. Finding opportunities to spend time in their proximity will make your allowance grow even more.

Does that mean life will be rosy? No, not really. You can wear all the rose-colored glasses you want, and still, people you trusted will fall short of the mark, those you love will hurt your feelings, and you will do likewise (either intentionally, or not). This is a fact of life. Do your best to realize that it is what it is, any tr not to judge others (or yourself) too harshly when it becomes apparent.

How can you disarm those who would like to attack you, or put you down?

Easy, don’t give them any ammunition. When you practice tolerance, there is no opposition. When you can wrap your head around that everything and everyone is perfectly fine just the way they are and no one is right or wrong, allowing for differing opinions, what is there to fight against? Nothing.

And what about your idea of truth? Do you find yourself being defensive, fighting for what you believe? Well, just sit back and think about it… Where did you get this idea of truth? Did someone plant the idea, or did it originate from within your own mind, with your own reasoning and rationale? Then review all the things you strongly believed in… Has your belief changed over time? In most cases, truth and what we believe does change over time, as new information becomes available. It’s inevitable. Things change. So cut yourself some slack and admit to yourself, “This is what I believe to be true at this moment in time.” Based on the information at hand. Who knows what you might believe tomorrow.

Have good intentions and hold yourself to the standard of the Hippocratic Oath, “to do no harm.”

Stop adding energy to the bad things that are brought to your attention. If you see something bad in the media, switch it off, change the channel, refuse to engage in it. Just the welling up of negative emotion within you makes those things that you dislike more powerful. Avoid all negativity.

When people are acting poorly, it is not up to you to try to change them, punish them, or make them feel bad. Do not talk about them behind their back or try to ridicule them for their actions, confront them or offer them advice.

If you find yourself in close proximity and a confrontation is unavoidable, try to speak your peace with lighthearted humor, remembering that it’s not about you. When someone is in opposition of you and you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, keep in mind that this person is acting out because of their own inner demons. It has nothing to do with you. In fact, it can be somewhat of a blessing that you were chosen to participate, because the more tolerant, new you, is less likely to fight and more likely to understand and have empathy for the person who is acting out. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

If you don’t like haters, don’t be one. How hard is that? Only share positive support and do not put others down, not for anything. After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

If yo have an opinion or want to share some factual data, please do so, but share your information humbly, without the expectation that anyone should believe you or conform to your thought patterns. Think of it more like planting seeds. Share your information and allow it to take root and grow on its own, or not.

Practice the Golden Rule (Jesus’ sermon on the mount, Matthew 7:12) by treating others as you would like to be treated.

Congratulations, you are on your way to the tolerant new you, who doesn’t take things personally, because it’s not. Everything and everyone just is as it is, and that’s okay.

 

How Can I Allow Evolution?

Someone asked me, “Evolution? What do you mean? How do I allow evolution to happen for me?”

The answer is a little tricky because it’s different for everyone, but there are similarities that are shared among many who are allowing the evolution to take place in the life you are living in real time.

1. Evolution Is Calling

The first thing is to wrap our head around the idea that you – every part of you, from your mind to your body, right down to the DNA – is yearning to evolve, right now. There is an advanced being longing to experience all the best things this life has to offer, and beyond. And you don’t have to do much, except for to allow the evolution to take place, by preventing you from getting in the way of the impending expansion.

2. Avoid and/or Limit Impeding Distractions

There is an underlying conspiracy in our society that does not want you to evolve. There is a great deal of non-stop activity and programming that is designed to keep you distracted and resistant to the idea that this evolution is longing to release and allowing the new you to emerge. No need to try to explain or rationalize why this is happening, you can do this on your own. All you need to know, really, is that distractions abound to prevent your evolution and expansion. If you are aware of this, you can side-step the distractions and allow your evolution to take place.

What are the distractions to be on the lookout for?

Your life experience is hindered by many things designed to keep the frequency level of your life low enough that evolution and expansion is hardly possible what with the barrage of drudgery involved with everyday life, with our countless routines, and pressure from looming bills, our efforts to try to get ahead, our jobs, maintaining our abodes, dealing with the many levels of relationships that we manage on a daily basis, raising the kids, taking care of our pets, trying to fit in time for others, and on top of all this a constant overflowing of information via media and the Internet designed to keep you hovering at a low vibration. It’s no wonder so few of us are able to break-free enough to allow any expansion to take place. But if it is your time, you will be able to let this pressure subside as you make room to embrace your evolutionary process.

3. Be Prepared to See Things Differently

Expect to start seeing things differently. As your evolution starts to take place, you begin seeing things in a different light. You may start to realize that everything you’ve been told, everything that you feel is true and have sincerely believed in, may not be as you previously thought. When this juxtaposition begins to take place, over-analyzing the contrast between what you previously thought was one way and understanding that what you previously believed was true, you could find yourself bailing out of the evolutionary process. Why? For some, the idea of seeing things as differently is too much to imagine, and if so, that’s okay. It might not be your time to evolve at this time.

4. Find Your Own Way

What do I do next? This is entirely up to you. Your evolution will take place using any number of methods, just be open to what seem right and true in the moment that you are willing to let go of the distractions (of course, you may not be able to unplug completely, but just to give less importance to the pressure and more importance to your evolution is enough).

So, what will it look like? Whatever resonates with your willingness to be open and available to what is reaching out to you. Just have an open mind and allow your inner self to find the path that is perfect for you at this time. Some will lean toward prayer, religion or spirituality, while others may find submerging themselves in nature or meditative states or disciplines. You might be drawn to losing yourself in the arts or artistic expression, or find yourself in deep analytical study or contemplation. Whatever it is that you are drawn to, you will know that it is right at this time because it feels good. This is where your evolution begins to take place. Just be open for the method to change and shift over time as you evolve.

5. Allow Expansion

Allow expansion. As your evolution begins, you may find a comfortable place within a particular method of expanded presence. It is acceptable to enjoy this new vibrational state of awareness for a period of time, for the remainder of your life, if you so choose. This is your evolutionary journey, just know that for every plateau of awareness to which you arrive and enjoy, there is another one waiting to be discovered. If you allow it, the next level will begin to appear on the horizon. The choice to investigate or explore the even greater expansion is entirely up to you. Just know there is so much more out there waiting for you, and excited about your arrival.

6. Individual Tolerance

Don’t worry about anyone else’s journey. Just as your evolutionary journey is your own, anyone else’s is their own journey. It’s natural to get excited about your evolution, as it takes place, and want to share your expansion with others. Be aware that your path is not for everyone, in fact it is only for one: You. Allow anyone and everyone to find their own way. You might find some following the same path, or crossing your path along the way, allow the interaction to take place, and know that people will come and go as the new you continues to emerge along the way. Do not judge anyone, love everyone and wish them the best this life has in store for them.

Congratulations, for embracing the change.

It’s Just Not Fair Haters Gonna Hate

Someone, somewhere at some time planted the idea that life should be fair, and when we recognize that something is not fair, we utter the words, “But that’s not fair.” As if fairness was a default setting, and due to some breach of security an unfairness has slipped through the cracks.

When you feel as though you’ve been treated unfairly, something wells up inside you that makes you resistant to the idea. You do not like being treated unfairly. In fact, the whole idea of any unfairness just gnaws away at everything you believe about what is right and what is wrong, acceptable and unacceptable. When you’re treated unfairly, it goes against everything you believe in and you get angry.

The rejection of any idea of unfairness usually can be traced back to unfairness you experienced as a child. This is where the idea of the injustice of being treated unfairly is rooted, and the angst felt by a child is much more fierce than one might expect from an adult. Depending on where your feelings about being treated unfairly originate, the younger you were when you came across the idea, the more negative feeling you will have about it in the present day.

When you are criticized, you experience a sort of flashback, triggering those early emotions and you feel escalated negative emotion. After all, you’ve worked hard to accomplish this – or that – and how dare some disrespectful ingrate insult all your efforts to bring this thing to this point. And you get pissed because of this injustice hurled by an unrestricted hater. “It’s not right. I worked so hard…”

Although, it is right; it is the nature of the world we live in. When a hater releases an outburst of hate, it’s actually a good sign indicating you are doing extremely well. Haters are what they are, and they will spew their hatred at any opportunity, and if a particular target might seem to over-react, or get their feelings hurt, all the better for the hater. That’s what they want. In order for them to feel good, they must make someone else suffer and feel bad.

When you are experiencing a level above average in anything you do, the haters start taking notice. This is the cue haters are looking for, always on the lookout for someone’s success, indicating to them that it is their job to knock them down a few pegs. If you are having a great deal of success or happiness, the haters start swarming. It’s nothing new, just a fact of life on planet earth.

There are reasons to expect opposition, such as

  • Seeing things from a different point of view
  • Differing ideas about values or morality
  • Everyone struggles with their own inner demons
  • Someone may act out on a stereotypical basis
  • They might be jealous of your success
  • They could be responding to a miscommunication
  • They might be misinterpreting or spinning your story
  • Maybe they just hate everything at every opportunity

Haters are not hard to find, they proliferate the Internet and social media lurking and looking for opportunities to spread their hatred far and wide, while they cower safely behind their technology. You can bet, if you’re doing something good, the haters are taking notice as you show up as a new blip on their radar.

Don’t look at it as being treated unfairly; instead try to think of it as a compliment.

Haters gonna hate. It’s a fact of life.

Everyone is entitled t their own point of view, and just as you have freedom of expression, so do the haters. There is no right or wrong in opposing points of view. It just is what it is.

Some people are going to love you and the things that you do, others… Well, not so much.

When you make a stand for something you believe in and you are disrespected or attacked by haters, it’s okay. Understand that their hatred has nothing to do with you. It is only the haters doing the only thing they know how to do, that makes them feel a little better. This is the pay off for them. They are in a constant state of pain and misery. Hurting someone else’s feelings is the only way they know how to get some relief because making someone feel bad makes them feel better. That’s all they know. Can you blame them?

Stomping Baby Turtles

Put yourself in their shoes. If you were in a constant state of pain, and the only way you could find relief from the pain was to stomp on a baby turtle, if the pain was great enough, you might be compelled to do it. And if you did and it made the pain subside, you might be more inclined to do it again. After a while, you may discover that if you stomped on many of them, not only would the pain subside, but you might even feel exhilarated and happy.

Likewise, when a hater strikes out against you, it really has nothing to do with you, it’s all about them, looking for ways to make themselves feel a little better. It’s the only thing they know of that gives them a sense of relief.

And what if you, too, are a hater?

If you are trying to get people to see a thing from your point of view, even insisting on it, aren’t you doing the same thing? If you don’t like someone the way they are, do you try to get them to change? If so, you might be a clandestine hater (though more subtle in your delivery).

Just because you see something from a different point of view does not make you right or someone else wrong. Be confident enough to share from your perspective, but allow them to see it from theirs. Don’t try to change their mind. Only they can do that. Simply humbly plant a seed and let it go. It just is what it is.

Practicing tolerance, not judging people, allowing them to be what they are, honoring their right to believe whatever they want to, and understanding that we’re all doing the best we can with what we have, will keep you on track to a brighter future.

Top 10 Manipulations

People who have suffered manipulation by another person often jump to the conclusion that labeling the manipulator as a Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, or some other diagnosis along the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum is warranted. While manipulation is used by folks who are antisocial, we all use manipulation to get what we want, even with the best of intentions. It really comes down to motive, like, was the manipulation malicious in nature, or not?

We all learn from a very early age how to manipulate parents, caretakers and playmates to get what we want. It doesn’t make a child with keen skills of manipulation a narcissist; it just means that the child has learned, “When I do this, I can get that.” That is what I want, and this is the way I can get what I want. Manipulation is a learned behavior by experimentation.

Then sometimes we manipulate others to change their behavior or get what we want with the best of intentions. Though we don’t think of it as manipulation, any reward or punishment arrangement is clearly manipulative.

Our entire social structure is incredibly manipulative. We are all programmed to act, believe or think in a particular manner via manipulation by parents, teachers, and peers, local, state and federal governmental systems.

Top 10 Manipulations

1. Quid Pro Quo

Quid pro quo is a tool used by manipulators where an agreement is made whereby you agree to something (an action or allowance) in exchange for something in return. In an integrous agreement this kind of give and take is reasonable. The manipulator bargains for something now from you, with a promise to provide their part of the agreement in the future. Manipulators often promise, but rarely keep their word for their part of the bargain, but are quite satisfied that they got what they wanted.

2. Just Do It

Manipulators often exercise their desires without prior approval because they see a potential negotiation as problematic. Their mantra is, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” They are likely to either do something – or not do something – with little regard for others, insisting that “The past is the past,” and it’s, “My bad.” so just get over it and forgive me (or not).

3. Complimenting

Stroking your ego is a method employed by manipulators to get what they want by getting you to let down your guard. Most of us have a degree of low self esteem and we all want to feel good about ourselves and an unsolicited compliment can make us more amenable to manipulation while reeling from the praise (just enough to lower your guard) from the manipulator.

4. Conditional Performance

Conditional performance will find the manipulator rendering something promised, owed or otherwise due to you with conditions. They are using their expected and reasonable action as an opportunity to further manipulate you, with a covert indication that there may be a chance that the manipulator may withhold or not keep their part of the bargain.

5. Spotlight

A manipulator will put you on the spot by asking you for something in front of other people because you are more likely to agree in an effort to avoid any sense of conflict when other people are around.

6. Guilt

Guilt is an effective tool used in manipulation, whereby the manipulator suggests that you owe him/ her, have previously agreed to, or if you do not do what they want you to do might indicate you are noncompliant or lack morality.

7. Building Trust

Building trust to achieve a desired outcome is another manipulation tactic by setting you up for the manipulation well in advance. Through a premeditated succession of demonstrations creating affinity and trust, so that when they ask you for something, you are more likely to concede.

8. Fear

Fear of loss is used to manipulate you by making you believe that if you do not provide or do what they want, you will suffer some kind of loss. They suggest you will fall victim to some peril, punishment, or loss of personal freedom, whether the impending loss is factual or just a fanciful, unrealistic threat.

9. Compromise

Using exaggerated bargaining the manipulator will propose or ask for something over the top knowing that you will disagree to such a thing. Once you’ve adequately expressed your disapproval, the manipulator proposes a more palatable compromise, to which you are more likely to agree to, when the “compromise” is exactly what the manipulator wanted in the first place.

10. Not Asking

By not asking for something the manipulator uses the power of suggestion to get you to do or provide what they want. An extreme example would be the tearfully disturbed wife and mother says to her son, “My life is so awful, if only he were dead.” followed by a long, uncomfortable pause. The mother did not ask her son to kill her husband, but the son understands the underlying meaning and he replies, “I could kill him for you, but I wouldn’t want to run the risk of spending the rest of my life in prison.”

The hope is that early detection combined with a better understanding when you are potentially being manipulated, you can assert and protect yourself.

Even so, if you are a victim of manipulation, do not let it get to you. Try not to take it personally, because it doesn’t have anything to do with you. The manipulator is only doing what comes naturally to them. It has nothing to do with you. You were an innocent bystander selected only due to the fact you were in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place at the wrong time). If it had not been you, it could have been anyone. It had nothing to do with you, personally, even though you may feel the manipulation was targeted at you.

Forgive yourself, receive the learning hidden within the manipulation, and live a better life.

February 2017 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of February, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

Meet Your Inner Child Emotional Wounds Don’t Take It Personal Intentional Allowance
Up Your Enlightened Expansion Where’s the Integrity? Spiritual Warfare
Where is Your Power? You Can’t Do That

The Most Powerful Weapon is Love
Awakening to True Love Workshop at Your Location Sacred No Secret Yes Your Mind’s Whiteboard
Where Are You On the Bus? The Top 40 Reasons Love Does Not Exist What to Do When the Unexpected Happens

Want Vs. Need

 Remember When?

Meet Your Inner Child

Ever notice someone’s irrational outbursts? Does it trigger recollections similar to a child throwing a tantrum, only in the bigness of adulthood? It’s likely that the person who is acting out in such a manner needs to reconcile their adult life with their inner child.

While it may sound like faux-psych new age folderol, all of us started out as children, and as such that young child within takes up residency deep within our being. For the most part it remains hidden because it has no physical form, but its existence and struggle for survival is undeniable. Your inner child for the most part resides safely protected in your unconscious mind, while your adult mind dominates the conscious mind. When your adult and inner child are in conflict with each other, behavioral and emotional inconsistencies become apparent, often leading to difficulties in relationships and managing adult life in general.

When your inner child asserts itself over your cognitive abilities, you will notice a variety of behaviors that are inconsistent with what would be considered normal thought patterns. Some indications of inner child outbursts range from self-sabotage to criminal behavior. The playground of the unbridled inner child often includes over-reacting, hostility, violent aggression, destructive behavior and other narcissistic tendencies.

Not to worry, we’re all in the same boat. We – all of us – are harboring our inner child. This is not a psychological condition, it is a very real part of who we are and how we evolve as adults. Becoming aware of the existence of your inner child is the first step.

Now that you are becoming aware of your inner child, the next step would be to reconcile, and learn to live with him or her. It is likely that for far too long your inner child has been neglected, abandoned or rejected. You can instead begin to acknowledge, honor, love and accept your inner child, allowing two-way communication and reasoning back and forth.

Your inner child’s identity is the result of the programming that has taken place thoughout our young life. Many of these are considered positive qualities like uninhibited creativity and joy, though negative attributes also become apparent, based on childhood experiences that foster hurt feelings, anger, fear, and other traumas.

The majority of our fellow earth dwellers will not embrace this idea, and God bless them as they continue to suffer from their inner irreconcilable differences. Why? Because we’re programmed by society, to consider our childlike nature be suppressed as we grow into adults and find our place within the societal structure. We are trained to starve the innocence, relentless inquisitive nature, playfulness and ability to fantasize wildly, until there is nothing left but leaving your inner child locked away in a prison, quietly ignored, until he/she asserts their existence.

Now that you are aware of your inner child, take the time to communicate and honor your inner child. He or she ha been neglected for too long. Now is the time to reconcile.

Getting to know your inner child can be one of the most exhilarating experiences, and will help you to overcome the inconsistencies in your life. It’s time to love and accept your inner child as a part of who you are. Invite him or her to play a part in the conscious part of your life and see how life becomes more brilliant.

A severely wounded inner child may be problematic due to unhealed wounds, but with loving, nurturing care and conscious effort, these wounds can be healed allowing you to flourish and a whole being.

Congratulations on creating an incredible partnership with your inner child, get ready to enjoy all the sweet life that awaits, and have some fun.

Emotional Wounds

An emotional wound is a metaphor representing the result of traumatic events that have taken place at various times throughout your life. Just like a physical wound, if it is fresh, when you touch it, your pain centers will fire up and you will react to the pain. Left to themselves, emotional wounds may get infected with emotional poison, fester, spread.

 

Diagnosis

How can you tell if you’re infected with the disease? It’s easy. Has there ever been a time when someone said something to you and you over-reacted, experienced an emotional outburst, or acted irrationally? Have you ever thought about something that happened in your past that made you feel sad, hurt, depressed or angry? If you answered “Yes” to either or both of those questions: You have the emotional disease, and you are contagious.

The human psyches can only contain such pain so you must find a way to release the emotional pain. An effective way to relieve the pain of an infected emotional wound is to drain the emotional wound. Spewing the emotional poison to another person releases the pressure of the poison-filled emotional wound. Doing so, makes us feel a sense of relief because you’ve released the poison. But now that the poison has been transferred to someone else, it is infecting the recipient’s emotional wounds.

This unenlightened method of releasing emotional poison is to allow the emotional poison (negative energy and emotions) to build to such a degree as you have an emotional outburst, commonly irrationally striking out at someone nearby (often people who you trust the most). You feel better as the other person begins to feel worse. The other person has their own emotional wounds. The poison you’ve released to them infects the latent emotional poison within them, and it’s not too long (may be immediate) that they strike back at you, or strike out at someone else.

This is the dysfunctional state of the negative energetic cycle which we are surrounded by every day. It’s no wonder the world is in the condition it is at the moment.

A more enlightened approach is to understand this idea of emotional wounds and their emotional poison. Once you realize what is taking place, you can find more effective ways to treat your own emotional wounds, release the emotional poison and heal them. With a bit of understanding and intentional effort, your emotional wounds could be healed once and for all.

You will find folks on a path to expanded consciousness becoming aware of this idea of emotional wounds, and what sets them apart from the mainstream population is that they are intensely combing through the tangles of their lives, finding their wounds and taking personal responsibility for their healing.

At present, there is a worldwide epidemic of viral emotional poison triggering an unfathomable amount of emotional wounds that exist throughout the world.

You can be free of the emotional disease, no longer a carrier and immune.
Then, there is you. You are on this path of self-awareness and you are seeking to uncover, treat and heal your emotional wounds. If you remain on this path and do the healing work on yourself, you could be completely free of the emotional disease altogether, and you will no longer be a carrier of the disease and develop immunity to it.

And you’re not alone. There is a growing number of individuals who are actively engaged in this personal work, and a growing number of those among the therapeutic and spiritual communities who are also supporting an expanding effort to treat emotional wounds, disinfect and heal them for good.

This concerted effort to individually and collectively spread the emotional healing will take time, but it’s getting better every day and the healing effects of it are already being felt across our nation and around the world.

Don’t Take It Personal Intentional Allowance


Don’t Take It Personally

Okay, here I am on my journey, doing my thing and expecting other people to be doing their thing as I see it. Wait-a-minute… As I see it?

That’s the thing. You can’t interpret someone else’s doingness from your perspective. Truly not possible. You have no idea what’s going on in someone else’s life, just like no one has any idea about what’s going on inside your life inside your head, or have a clue of what it takes for you to accomplish any of the things that are noticeable by others.

Unrealistic Expectations

For me, it’s all about my unrealistic expectations, the impossible standard to which I hold myself accountable, which I am seriously reviewing at present. Because I hold myself to such (ridiculously) high standards, my expectation of others is to perform likewise without any consideration for what may be happening in anyone’s life or circumstance. This attitude permeates both my personal and professional life, as I maintain unreasonable expectations for those within my inner circle as well as clients and employees.

In the real world, when you have such a degree of expectation of any specific result, you are setting the stage for catastrophe, because rarely does anything happen or come into being, without some degree of chaos. This is a fact of life. Yes, things still happen, ideas materialize and projects come to fruition, but rarely without a hitch or challenge along the way.

When you have a specific expectation based on specific criteria and the verbal (or contractual) agreements of someone else you are setting the stage for failure. Even though everything might go according to plan, in many cases it will not. Now, you can militantly demand your expectation to be manifested – or else. You can unfriend, disenfranchise, excommunicate, or fire anyone who doesn’t comply one hundred percent, but you run the risk of being considered a narcissist with psychopathic tendencies.

Intentional Allowance

It’s a much more palatable process to embrace the idea of “intentional allowance.” That is to say, instead of having a specific detailed black and white expectation, think of reframing your expectation and transforming your expectation into an intention.
Instead of saying, “Okay, the four or you are selected for this project. I expect a delineated solution to the problem proposed presented in the conference room at 2:00 p.m.” period, offer up an intentional allowance alternative, such as, “I’d like you four to (it’s my intention that the four of you) examine this specific problem, and present me with your ideas for solution at 2:00 tomorrow in the conference room.” In the first scenario, you expect the outcome and if your expectations are not met, you can simply fire the participants (or any other unreasonable punishment for noncompliance). In the second scenario, you have stated your intention to arrive at solution and allowed them to do the best they can with what they have, and the result is what it is.

I totally get the ROI (return on investment) idea of running a militaristic operation being more cost effective when results are measured on simply results based on expenditure of time and/or financial outlay. On the other hand if you embrace the idea of intentional allowance, you allow someone to comfortably shine and express their ideas, options and input utilizing their unique inner strengths and abilities by offering them a safe space to exercise and deliver their creative best, in contrast to barking a do-this-or-else command (with its associated unrealistic expectation). Plus, when you’re empowering people to shine, the results can far exceed your expectations. It may take more time/investment but the return can be far greater if you intentionally allow things to come to life.

Don’t Take It Personally

I know, if someone doesn’t keep their word, you react as if they just poured battery acid all over your new car’s paint job, smashed out all the windows in your house and boiled your daughter’s bunny, “Aargh!” And all this angst over something that just simply is.

If someone does not do what they said they will do (in the manner you expected) it’s not the end of the world. Your stuff is about you, and someone else’s stuff is about them. Honor both sides of the human experience, as if we’re all doing the best we can with what we have, because we are.

Even though you are the most important person in the world (and indeed, you are, from your perspective) you must understand that to everyone else likewise, they are the most important person in the world (from their perspective). You can either demand they respect you more than they do themselves (sacrificing all) and beat them into submission or give them the opportunity to find the best results using all their resources in the way that works best for them.

All you really have to do is to relax your expectation by applying intentional allowance and turning your expected outcome into an intention and allow the people, situations, circumstances and challenges to emerge, unfold and naturally come to fruition in as peaceful atmosphere as possible.

So, it takes a bit of effort to try to teach the old-dog part of you a new trick. The effort of altering your ideas and concepts regarding your expectations and the need to penalize any misstep (applicable not only to others, but including yourself) and intentionally allowing a general result can take some practice and time.

Stop Self Deprecating

No more beating yourself up for holding yourself to our own unrealistic expectations. Allow for your own growth in the most natural way by letting yourself expand exponentially with better results.

I’m not saying to throw it all into the wind, rather turn your goals into intentions also. Stop self deprecating (or beating yourself up) for failure. Instead, review the data and look for a better way, readjust, re-position if necessary, and keep on keeping on.

Just like anything else, think about creating your new intentional allowance as an intention. Don’t expect you to adopt this new reframe instantly without faltering. Generally intend to “get there” by practicing over time and allow yourself to do the best you can with what you have.

Up Your Enlightened Expansion

You’re on the path… You’re beginning to see that things are not as they appear… You are on a path of enlightenment… and you’re looking around for clues…

This is where you’re potentially get thrown off-track.

Once you see that things are not the way you’ve been taught and programmed to think and believe, it is impossible to go backward. Oh, sure, you could (and it feels more safe to) return to the same old life routine that you’ve lived your whole life prior to this realization, but there will always be the notion that it’s all just rote motion.

If you’re brave enough, you continue to consider inviting other thought patterns and in your search for further enlightenment.

You could potentially be waylaid by looming information, a persuasive guru, or someone else’s journey.

And what you could miss is the most important piece: You. Your journey is not about anyone else’s journey. To fully experience your own enlightenment, you must find your own way. No two persons’ enlightenment will be the same. So, if you find yourself following someone else’s journey, you’re not doing it right.

Certainly, when you’re venturing into uncharted territory, allowing the flow of new information could be invaluable in your search for truth or expansion, but by all means, make your own way.

There are so many aspects of your expansion that could distract you from your expansion if you get stuck in a particular system or methodology. Any of these things (in themselves) is not it at all, only a particular rung on the ladder. Don’t get stuck there.

Sure, when you’ve gotten there (Law of Attraction, Quantum Mechanics, etc…), wherever you might be or have been, it is only a step. There is another step beyond, waiting for your arrival, and no one can tell you what that is. It awaits you uniquely.

You can spend as much time as necessary on a particular step, but know there is another one waiting. You are breaking free from the herd, while it is exciting to hand with like-minded folks, don’t allow yourself to become a member of another (smaller) herd.

I see my path as being a spiritual journey because that is a common vibration as far back as I can remember, though thought and form has continued to expand daily, some days more than others. As forwardly mobile as I am, I, too, can get in a rut but once I’ve acclimated, I am looking for my next step.

Some people get hung up on the term “spiritual.” Well, get over it. What it means, is that you start considering concepts that are so beyond anything you’ve been programmed to think, that it boggles the mind of modern man and when you realize that there is so much more going on, even when you think nothing else could be happening… You are only scratching the surface. It’s so far out there, we only refer to it using the term “spiritual” because there really is no other word for it.

Plus, what do you care?

You should be focused on your individual journey, and allow others to find their own way (we call that tolerance), realizing they’re going to end up somewhere else. And that’s true enlightened expansion.

I am tempted, sometimes, to use the phrase, “Believe me,” because I know a certain thing to be true. But, really? Any truth I speak is only true for me, in the moment the words escape my lips. If you (or anyone else) finds anything of value in the words I’ve uttered, great. If not, excellent.

How often does my truth change? I’ve recited a heartfelt monologue of truth, only to stop (sometimes before completing the sentence), squint my eyes, tilt my head, and interrupt myself with, “Wait a minute… That might not be true…”

It matters not. Don’t believe me, or anyone else. You have to figure this out and allow it to unfold uniquely for you… and if you dare, be bold enough not to believe yourself. That is to say, be open to the idea that what you believe – right now – may not be true. At least be willing to consider there is more… and more will appear…

Where’s the Integrity?

Wait-a-minute, if I have integrity and I give someone my word (like I will do something at some point in the future), well, that’s then and this is now. If I’ve told someone I was going to do something in the past, that was so then and it doesn’t matter now. So, if I make a promise to you, it doesn’t matter? What about someone else’s promise to me? Where’s the integrity in that?

Want the truth? Nothing really matters.

You just have to realize that life on planet earth is a lot of some-will-some-won’t-next. If you can wrap your head around this, you will be okay, but it’s hard, because we’re not programmed to allow what is to be.

I am a product of my programming and I have a huge Integrity component. I feel like, if I tell someone something, it must be true and it’s up to me to make it true no matter what the cost because I want to be remembered as an intengrous person, one who has always kept his word. For the longest time, I thought, if my tombstone had anything on it, it should read, “Here lies an honest man. If nothing else, he was good to his word.” Which sounds good on the surface, but if you look at it, there it is: Lies and Honest in the same reference, as if it was to be something good.

And what does it mean to be good to your word?

Is it really any good to suffer through pain, turmoil, tragedy, confusion and angst, just because you uttered certain words in the heat of the moment? How good is that? Wouldn’t it be more good to say, “Sorry, something came up. I just can’t make it.”?

I can hear all the Eckhart Tolle fans starting to murmur in the background about my finally starting to get a clue.

I mean, what kind of a prison have I committed myself to?

Actually, I do maintain a high level of integrity, although I must admit, I am less happy than the folks who are actively more apt to be less integrous and live in the now.

Take a look at someone you know who has no idea about what it means to keep their word – no concept of it – because they’re so blissfully living in the now. What do you see? Happiness. They truly have found a way to be content and joyful, by disregarding anything that isn’t and only seeing what is.

As I move away from selfishness and more toward allowing what is to be, I find myself less judgmental against someone whom I might have considered a liar in the past. Why? Because this is the unrealistic expectation I had of myself. This was my standard. I militantly adhered to the ridiculous concept that if I were to utter a certain sequence of words at any time, and if they were not manifest as I had uttered them, then I would be a liar and deserving of severe punishment (at least personal berating). So, it was not unreasonable for me to hold others to the same standard.

Say something. If it does not manifest as you said, you were a liar. (Oh, silly Masters.)

I have to credit business principles for introducing me to concepts, like, some-will-some-won’t-next. It is a reference commonly used to put salespeople at ease in their dealing with rejection. When you pitch your spiel, then there are only two possible outcomes, followed by your best course of action: Next; keep it moving.

That’s all well and good in business but to apply it to life was well beyond my ability to comprehend. What about integrity?

Really? What about it?

Where is the integrity in life?

“Life is the least integrous system ever conceived.”

If anything, life (as we know it) is the least integrous system ever conceived. It is full of chaos, dysfunction, unexpected twists and turns and for god’s sake, even such random acts as to be referred to as acts of god!

And through all this confusion, if you’re listening, you start to hear the gentle flow of isness in the background; that soothing vibration of allowing things to be as they are. It doesn’t mean you don’t get your feelings hurt, suffer pain or loss along the way. By all means, do. Cry, scream, rant, rave – whatever your fancy – then be done with it.

Next. Keep it moving…

In life,
some things will work out the way you wanted
Some won’t.
Next.

Thank god for the many nexts we are afforded in this life.

Amen.