Have you ever fallen in love with someone only to find out he or she was not everything you thought they were? Who hasn’t? Most of the time if you’ve discovered that someone is not appearing to be congruent with what you thought he or she was it’s on you. You gave his or her the benefit of the doubt and wanted to believe the best about him or her, so you turned a blind eye to inconsistencies in the beginning. Other times, something more sinister is at hand and you may find yourself a victim of false love. Is there a way to avoid false love?
When a relationship which has one or both partners engaged in false love, the relationship is unsustainable, and it will not end well. The false lover asserts, “everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn’t end.”
What attracted butterflies and roses, in the beginning, has turned to trash attracting flies and decay. This happens to most, if not all, of us, as we learn that some things are only for a season and if you’re able to keep your wits about you, you can extract the learning, let go as quickly as possible and continue on your journey more knowledgeable and powerful than you were before finding yourself in false love.
The false love can be on either side. It could be that your partner is the one feigning love to achieve his or her intended purpose. He or she may have led you along, only to accomplish what he or she needed to do. Then, when you outlived your usefulness, he or she moved on, leaving you holding the bag of confusion, wondering, “What’s happening,” “Where’d you go?” or, “What did I do wrong?”
What did you do wrong?
You didn’t do anything wrong, except for to love someone who you thought was authentically loving, just like you were. How were you to know you were just being played?
On the other hand, you may have been the one who engaged the false love in the relationship. If so, you probably know that you had entered the relationship with little or no intention of following through. You have to do what is best for you and if you are unable to have an authentic loving relationship, good luck to you, and I hope for you that you find the love within you to experience greater love for yourself and others, and have more love to share with the world. If this applies to you, the least you could do is to be more honest and open about what the limitations are which should be expected in this relationship early on. To suddenly disappear in a dramatic display of accusations of your partner’s unfounded transgressions out-of-the-blue, is rude and does not reflect on you well. If you think about it, you could do better.
How do you know you were in a false love relationship?
When one or both of you are having false love in your relationship, things go well but the good times are unsustainable because one or both of you lack the depth of real love. Real love empowers he or she who possess it the ability to work through issues (even if they are difficult issues) that may arise in the relationship, while the false lover can easily disregard circumstances and situations which may not be in the best interest of the relationship. Why? Because he or she who is in false love can always leave if things are not going his or her way.
If you are in a relationship with a false lover, you will probably notice your identity begin to fade into a long list of compromises in an attempt to support the relationship. This is because you are in real love. God bless you for your real love, though, as you may know by now, your real love is wasted on the false lover.
A false love relationship is like an emotional roller coaster, and you might find yourself on pins and needles, in a constant state of alert, so that you can avoid any pending drama which may show up and disrupt your life, like an atom bomb, at any moment in time.
When you really need a bit of help and support from a false lover, you will rarely find it, even if you’ve given and supported your partner immensely, you find out that you cannot expect the same in return. This massive inequality is probably the biggest reason you must avoid false love.
When you’re in a false love relationship, you may have intimacy, and the intimacy may be incredible, but it leaves you thinking that something’s missing. Well, you’re right. What’s missing is the key ingredient: Love. Without it, there is no real connection which is required for real intimacy.
Real, authentic, love is not false; it is true love. You know this because you’ve either had it, given it away or had a glimpse of it sometime in your life. In all of the ways love can be given, received, or communicated, the highest and best form of love is unconditional.
Unconditional love is selfless, honors others, does not disregard them, and makes you want the best for, and to please, someone else.
Whatever you do for someone else, if it is not rooted in true love, there is little or no love behind it, only a false love, whether you use the word(s) or not.
True love awaits anyone with the wherewithal to seek it, though the learning curve may be steep, the process is worth it.
True love is waiting for you.
Avoid false love.