The times they are a changing, and the entire dating landscape is morphing into something unfamiliar, especially for those who find themselves looking for a prospective mate while dating after 40 years of age.
Single women over 40 are wondering how to find a good man in this new sea of seemingly unpredictable possibilities. Many of these women are stronger, they’ve been groomed to be more self-confident, expecting more from their mate, see themselves as equals, and often carry wounds that may subconsciously blocking good men over 40.
What Is A Real Man?
If you’re in search of a “real man,” first you must define what that means to you. Consider making a soulmate list of the characteristics that you’re looking for.
Even so, as you are searching online and in the real world intent on finding a good man, you might ask
Where did all the good guys go?
Be aware that there is an abundance of good men all around you, but your mindset may be blocking access to them. Statements, like, “I’m looking for a real man,” “I need a strong man,” or, “Why can’t he just man up,” or, “be a man about it,” will have the good men that you are looking for swerving to avoid you. And if a good man hears you speak words, like that, it’s likely that his attention will be diverted elsewhere.
Men Are Changing Too
They are becoming more sensitive, intuitive. They don’t even have to hear the words you are saying, they can feel your vibration and may avoid you solely based on unjustified feeling. Men are increasingly seeking more meaningful relationships and getting in touch with the things in life that bring them the greatest joy and fulfillment (a huge departure from the work all day to support the family model of the 1950’s).
While they might have been willing to exchange putting up with drama in exchange for good sex, in their youth, men over 40 and above are more likely to avoid drama, just like women over 40. Tolerance and teamwork are more preferred traits in modern romance. Laying down the law, like, “My way or the highway,” will more than likely send love a-packing, as ultimatums are undesirable and may be intolerable.
Be Mindful of What You Say
If you believe in the law of attraction, or not, the overwhelming statistics would indicate that what you speak is what you attract. Therefore, if you tend to voice the idea that, “all the good ones are married,” “there are no good men left,” or “all the hot men are gay,” (I find it interesting that women think all the hot men are gay, just as much as men think all the hot women are lesbians and gay men think all the hot men are straight.) the words you use will create your experience.
Single women over 40 need to take a look at what’s going on inside because in most cases not only do you attract what you say, possibly more importantly, you attract what you are. Ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I attract?” Then review the attributes of the men over 40 that you’ve been attracting. Are you able to objectively see any similarities between the men that you attract and any possible inner work that might be lingering deep inside? This might be worth taking a look at.
It Is What It Is
Realize that dating over 40 is different than any type of dating prior to the age of 40. Men and women are likely bruised, damaged or somewhat numb to the idea of entering a long term relationship or making a lifelong commitment due to past experiences.
If they’re anything like me, I am less likely to pair up with someone who I do not believe will be the best thing that could happen in my life. This does not mean she will be perfect, but she will be perfect (with all her imperfections) for me and likewise I will be for her.
In the meantime, if you meet someone who is extremely particular, happy with his (or her) life and is not jumping at the chance to fawn (or fondle) over you, just because you’ve expressed an interest
Don’t Be Offended
Don’t take it personal if your volunteering for love and romance is not embraced by a prospective suitor, be grateful that he (or the powers that be) have diverted a potential relationship that may not have been your highest and best. There are plenty of good men out there, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for any one of them. You have the time and space to be the love that you seek, and he will find you.
Take it slow. Realize that the process of becoming the love that you desire and attracting the perfect person for you may take some time. If you’re over 40, there may be many extenuating circumstances that are delaying his (or her) appearance, like a marriage, deteriorating health of a current mate, or any other number of details indicating that this may not be the right time for the both of you to be together.
If you are ready, and patient, the love you seek will appear at the right time.
In the meantime, fill your life with love and things that you enjoy. This will increases your quality of life and help keep you in a receptive state of mind that works like a love magnet.