Back in the day when a large part of my ministry was focused on religious couples counseling, often Mary and I would be called on to deal with a couple’s most intimate details of their life. We even conducted training seminars on the subject for groups of counselors, nationally.
Even today, the most advanced religiously-based couples still run into these issues, mostly due to rumor and the bent expressions of other religious people who surround them. While I am not specializing in the area of sex in relationships, these days, invariably, the topic comes up for couples (especially Christian couples) facing challenges in their relationship.
It appears that people have forgotten that God’s first charge for mankind was to have sex. Later (for whatever reasons, according to biblical texts), God restricted sanctioned sex to that which was confined to the marriage relationship.
The best news for a sexually active married couple, is that God blesses anything you might like to try, explore, celebrate and enjoy in the marriage bed, for this sacred space is considered “undefilable” for the couple bonded in marriage, according to St. Paul (Hebrews 13:4). This is your sexual playground, to be enjoyed to its fullest.
There are some things that, according to the Bible, should be avoided in the married sexual relationship, which are reasonable things to be avoided in a relationship. I know you’re anxious to find out what they are, so buckle up for what God doesn’t want you to do sexually when you’re married…
Sex Outside of Marriage
God is very clear about having sex with anyone outside the boundaries of marriage. Regardless of examples of infidelity in the Bible by some of the most respected characters and biblical heroes, this is not an indication of God’s blessing. And, pretty much, if all the details were known, adding additional sex partners to the marriage relationship, has led to less than desirable results. And even though the Bible is a 2,000-year-old document, it still contains valuable secrets of successful relationships and mental health, so consider having an open mind.
Many (including scientists and mental health professionals) people have proven over time that having sex with your family members is detrimental to having a positive impact on one’s life. So, again, the Bible hits the bullseye on this caveat to not engage in any sex acts with any family members. Just don’t do it. (Plus, there are laws against it, which vary state to state.)
Okay, this is where people get all tied up (stay tuned, it’s okay to tie up your Christian wife or husband if she or he consents). Weird sex, according to the Bible, is sex that takes place outside the marriage relationship which is unconventional. This refers to sex acts with animals, which is prohibited, and prostitution. Including deviant sex acts with someone (or something) outside of the sacred marriage bed.
The Sexual Good News
Everything else is okay!
Think about the opportunities which are open to a marriage relationship and sanctioned by God: Everything.
Yes, everything; as long as the husband and wife consent.
What this looks like to a husband and wife will look very different from one couple to another. There is nothing that is more intimately unique and private than that which takes place in the marriage bed.
By all means, establish “safe words” and experiment with each other to find out what works for the two of you.
Let go of all those old-fashioned restraints, which were not put on you by God, but by others with their own sexual hang-ups. Feel free to express your unrestrained liberty with each other as you explore all the magnificence, exciting, elegant, beautiful and consider being creative in your pursuit of this most intimate exploration.
Keep in mind that love is courteous and kind, so find ways to take your partner’s considerations under advisement. You would not want to do anything that is harmful, destructive, or traumatic for your partner. Be compassionate, gentle, and kind as you explore and if something is determined to be undesirable, avoid that particular sexual activity, but keep exploring.
Sexual exploration is part of the expansion and evolution of the contemporary human experience. This is not only available to you, it is God’s calling you to a deeper, more meaningful, and expressive relationship between a husband and wife.