Heartfelt communication can make the difference between sweet love and love crisis in love and romance. How you share those most important issues any normal couple faces amidst your love life makes all the difference in love and loving. How to communicate in love with compassion is the doorway leading to the next level in your love’s exponential potential.
Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt created a loving technique which helps you understand how to communicate in love and relationships called the Imalgo Dialogue or “safe conversation.” This is a process of moving through communicative exchange between two people which engenders loving how to communicate in love.
Here is a basic structure you can follow to experience what it is like to engage in the loving communication model.
Let’s say your partner has something important to say to you. If you want to use this safe conversation model to have a deeper level of connection and communication with your partner, oversimplified, it would go something, like this:
1. Tell me about it.
Allow your partner to tell his or her story.
2. That’s interesting. What else?
Now, you’re inviting your partner to delve deeper into their story.
3. How does that make you feel?
This is safely inviting your partner to share how they feel, which is often overlooked in conversation, unless it is exposed when negative communication styles erupt emotionally.
4. Is there more?
Let’s face it, we’re all a little protective about how we feel. This is a safely guarded spot in our heart, where we hide our feelings. Being invited by your partner to express any underlying, deeper emotion, is not only increasing your connection, it also enables you to examine and rationalize what might be underneath why you are feeling the way you’re feeling.
5. Let me see if I’ve got that.
This is when you restate your partner’s story, and how they feel about the issue at hand in your own words, trying to see it from his or her point of view, including how he or she feels about it.
6. Is that right?
This invites your partner to make any corrections to your attempt to understand his or her point of view. Let hi or her correct you, then repeat go back to step 5. Repeat as necessary, until your partner indicates that you have a good understanding of his or her perspective and feelings regarding the topic at hand.
7. Is there more?
This introduces a loop back to step 4 which might appear to be redundant but actually, your partner has often uncovered more about the topic of this discussion, discovered new information, and found links to other emotional issues from the past. There may be new information to share.
When all is said and done, you can lovingly let your partner know,
“I see how that make sense. And understanding that, I see that it could make you feel…” fully supporting him or her without interrupting, challenging, or judgment. This is compassion in action.
You can find out more about the Imalgo Dialogue in Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.