“Everything is fair in love and divorce.”
Many comparisons can be made between divorce and war. At the very least most would agree that both divorce and war are emotionally charged and many casualties are suffered in the fighting amidst them.
In many cases, the currency of marital dissolutions is the money associated with not only the divorce itself but the system which promotes and manages the process.
Already emotionally-charged, participants of a divorce are compelled to fight for “what is rightfully mine” in an effort to seek some sort of remuneration for the efforts expended during the marriage, and often, to strike out at the other partner in a final act of revenge.
Financial revenge is an empty purse executed in an effort to regain one’s lost sense of power which does not work.
As I have worked with individuals engaged in the divorce process, at some point (hopefully early on), someone needs to ask the question, “Is the money worth it?” Although, that is not to say that one shouldn’t expect to receive what might be rightfully theirs.
If it is all about the Benjamins, then how does it feel to know that the lawyers and the court system are likely to get more than their fair share of the cash and assets? Quite often, when all is said and done, there is far less to distribute or split, after the resources have been absorbed by the system and the process.
What about the damage which is suffered by the couple engaged in the process of ending the marriage? And you must consider the fall-out of the nuclear family explosion as friends and family are infected with the emotional radioactive poisoning which results from exposure to the blast.
The effects of the ensuing battle for the dollar is far-reaching, and in many cases, after all, is said and done, there is little or no satisfaction from walking away from a well and thoroughly fought divorce with the lion’s share of the cash. Those who have chosen to fight the fight, fought it masterfully and won, report not feeling as good as they thought they would, and some report actually feeling bad or worse.
Divorce can be a negative cyclone of energy, and once you get caught up in this energy’s whirlwind, it can be all-consuming.
The best position to take when ending a marriage is to the best of your ability be mindful about being fair and seeking a win-win resolution throughout the emotionally charged life challenge.
If you and your partner are able to keep your wits about you, you may be miles ahead, if you are able to go through the process via mediation, rather than fighting the war in the battlefield of divorce court. Another upside to mediation is that the lawyers and courts are profiting far less from the affair, than a frontal assault with legal teams fully-loaded. Also, the emotional impact is held to a more respectable level throughout the mediation process.
The most mindful participants in a divorce would be well-advised to assemble their own support team to hold them in a safe and sacred space throughout the process, Team members might include a doctor, financial advisor, mental health professional, health and diet consultant, and a life or relationship coach, among others, to help successfully support you so that you are more able to survive the process with as little loss to your emotional, physical and/or spiritual health.
It’s okay to admit this is a tough time, and you’re somewhat lost in the overwhelm of it all, but you can get through it.
And be forewarned to expect to have to engage a grieving process following the wake of divorce.
Divorce, like war, is nasty business but you can make it through with as few casualties as possible if you are mindful.