Wouldn’t it be great if the two of you were the only ones your breakup affected?
Reconciliation can be a bit more problematic due to the effect that the breakup had on others.
Not only are the two of you seeking counseling, being brutally honest and open, while trying to embrace forgiveness and building trust and a strong intimate, loving relationship, but you have to manage the impact the breakup had on those around you, mitigating the damages that occurred between the breakup and the reconciliation.
It is likely that you reached out to friends and family for support, while dealing with the emotional trauma associated with being dumped by the love of your life.
It is not uncommon for some of the friend-therapy episodes to include a heaping helping of ex-bashing. No malice was intended, but no one likes seeing their friend suffer from the emotional pain of being kicked to the curb by someone whom they’d otherwise liked, supported and whose friend have given her heart to. “That dog!”
What starts out as well-intended, therapeutic banter and meaningless falderal ignites violent rage (which is better than self-loathing depression) as emotions run high and statements are made that would never had been made if there was the slightest glimpse of hope for reconciliation.
How do you explain to your friends and family that the person who did you so wrong (whom you’ve depicted as a monster), is now back with a smile and handful of flowers?
You would expect nothing less than a tongue-lashing for jumping back into the fire… and while you may be more accepting and working toward building trust again, your friends and family do not want to see you hurt again and are less likely to welcome him (or her) back with open arms.
Some of your friends might even perceive that your reunion with your ex- is an insult to the integrity of your relationship with your friend. In this case, your friend(s) might think you’re better off with other friends, as they start to distance themselves from you as you might be seen as a toxic relationship.
After all, helping a friend recover from a traumatic (or abusive) relationship can exert a great deal of energy, leaving the friend/helper exhausted, depleting their own natural resources – which is acceptable if it helps to save the life of a friend – the sacrifice seemingly disregarded, if the offender returns for more and you let them.
Were promises made by the fleeing ex- to friends and/or family that were broken upon abandonment?
What about the children? Were delicate young lives affected by the break-up? What affect did the broken relationship have on them?
That’s only the half of it.
Of course there are his friends and family. God only knows what he told them about you while the two of you weren’t together.
Romantic relationships are hard enough; add to that the affect they have on many of the people within our social circles, especially those within our inner circle, and the relationship reverberates and ripples throughout our other relationships.
The rebuilding of the relationship with each other will also mean both of you will be rebuilding relationships with the other’s others in an attempt to regain trust and faith among family and friends (even if you did nothing wrong).
Is it worth it?
At some point you have to ask yourself, “Is all this effort really worth it?”
It’s better to ask yourself this question BEFORE you attempt reconciliation, because the last thing you want to do is to exasperate the situation by dragging yourself and everyone else through this nightmare (or possibly a worse one) again.
Be certain that you’re not settling for the sake of convenience.
And maybe you need more friends, like me, who will support you – no matter what you decide – we will be there for you.
If it really is true love
Love will prevail
All the love you desire is waiting for you
It’s up to you to figure out if it’s with the person who betrayed you?
Or is this a distraction that will keep you from the love you deserve?
If the two of you share an uncompromising love for each other and are willing to endure what it takes to successfully heal your relationship, this could lead to your most amazing love story.
I applaud all those who believe in and cast their vote for love everlasting.