Relationship Truth and the Soulmate List

Okay, you asked for it, so here it is: The truth about romantic relationships is that most of them (the successful ones) take work. Sure you have to have all the components…

Broken heart

First you have to start without a broken heart. If you’re looking for mister or miss right, you have to be ready to have a relationship. That means, if you’ve been in one prior, you’d best get a handle on recovery from your previous romantic episode before you go running headlong into the next one, otherwise, you’re just not ready. That’s the truth.


“But I’m lonely and don’t want to be alone.”

Okay, I get that. But how long do you expect someone to stick around if they are unable to stand the whirlwind you bring to the table. If he/she reminds you of your ex- either you’re still hung up on your ex- (and not ready to be seeing anyone. See Broken Heart, above) or you’re attracting the same type of person (and how did that work the last time?).

Get Busy

Get busy doing the things that make you feel good, the things that you love. If you’re feeling good all the time, you don’t have the time (or energy) to feel depressed or lonely. I try to stay busy, focused on my clients and spending quality time with my friends (who, unfortunately all are paired up, but fun nonetheless). I can always relax and take time off for her, after I’ve found her.


When you start to realize these things, you can either forge forward with little regard to them or start to wake up to the music. The title of the song you want to hear from within is, “Do Something Different,” or learn to find happiness in the same old types of relationships that you’ve had in the past.

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I have this formula that I use; maybe you will find it helpful for you (maybe not). I call it my

Soulmate List

I have a list of fifty-or-so attributes that I am looking for. In an extra-large font, it takes up three pages.

I came up with the idea, while working with a coach and mentor in Florida, who had used some of these techniques to find her life-long soulmate (that’s what I’m looking for, too) and I’ve added my own tweaks to form a new system. Briefly, it goes, like this:

1a. To first make a list of all the things that you didn’t like in the men in your past relationship.

1b. Then go over the list and translate those into a list of positive attributes (the opposites) that you would look for in Mr. Right. (Ditch the negative list.)

2. Next, make a list of all the things that you liked (or thought you liked) in the men in your previous relationships.

3. Combine the two lists of positive attributes, and you’re almost there…

4. Then, being as specific as you can, think of all the attributes that you would like that aren’t already on the list. (The Floridian coach cautioned me not to leave anything off, because she had neglected to put down, “Physically healthy,” on her list, and wished she had, later.)

Then she says read the list every day, out-loud, once in the morning and once in the evening, and you will get what you confess.

I told the story to my grief counselor, he thinks it’s a great idea and is going to start using that model in his practice.

If you decide to give-it-a-go, I’d like to see your list. (It’s also a great way to turn around some of the pain of past relationships and turn them into positive attributes. It keeps you from focusing on the garbage, leading to real healing.)

The Real Truth

Finally, the real truth is this: My intention was to write and create a book based on this system called, “The Soul Mate List,” with the intention of telling my world’s greatest love story of all time and describe how I found the love of my life quickly and easily using my system.

I find that this system has been highly effective in preventing me from being sidetracked by potential romances that were not my highest and best (nor I theirs). = WIN

On the other hand, seven years… No soul mate… LOL

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