Love is a choice, unlike like a hole you fall into, though sometimes it’s that easy to fall in love. The problem with falling in love so easily is falling out of love can be just as effortless, even if it appears you’d rather not fall out of love. The love vaporizes before your very eyes, as you embark on a new quest to recapture the feeling of love again with someone else.
Being in love feels good, no doubt about it. You might feel as though the fairy godmother of love has tapped you on the head with her magic love-wand and amidst all the glimmering fanfare you find yourself helplessly enveloped in love’s magical aura. Everything is right with the world and you enjoy all the bliss love has to offer.
As the effects of this hallucinogenic love dispel, you begin to see life and your love through more realistic eyes. How can something so ominously magnificent be so terrifyingly tragic? Last night you slept with a prince (or princess), this morning you woke up with a toad.
It seems like it was just yesterday when love filled the air and you could feel it coursing through your veins with every heartbeat. All you could do is think of your beloved. You wanted to spend every moment together, and when you were apart all you wanted to do was to be together, settling for texts and phone calls until you could see each other again at the next opportunity.
Now, you’re left thinking, “How’d I get myself into this?” or, “What was I thinking?”
It may not have been a magic spell you were under, but today you know, the feeling of being “In love” has flown, and you are left with this. What do you do now?
When all is said and done,
Love is a Choice
You choose to love, and mature love is accompanied by commitment.
You intentionally (consciously or unconsciously) let down your guard and allowed your instincts to succumb to the overflowing flood of Mother Nature’s secret love potion. A powerful hormonal cocktail of testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, with a jolt of oxytocin and vasopressin to seal the deal.
It’s no wonder you’re not thinking straight,
you were stoned out of your mind!
Now, in this moment, on the other side of the intoxicating love-bender, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to walk away, to relaunch your search for true love? Or will you man-up (or woman-up) and move into a committed relationship, the stuff real love is comprised of? The choice is yours.
If you have made the decision to stay and work it out, the emphasis is on the “work.” It takes work to figure out how to manage a life together with two individuals who can be quite different, and if you are separated by gender, you are very different, indeed, for according to John Gray, men and women are from different planets entirely (men are from Mars and women from Venus). It’s no surprise that they speak different languages, and have different rights and customs which need to be managed and accommodated in an effort to have any hope of relationship longevity.
You may choose, if you are man enough (or woman enough) to see the bright side of your partner, his or her life, lifestyle, and outlook on life, as brilliant and charming as you did when you were overcome by love’s magic. Or, you can focus on all his or her shortcomings and flaws, thinking you in all your power and wisdom will be able to change, rescue, or be able to uncover some redeeming value in this (Frankenstein’s monster-style) animated piece of meat.
You can clearly see choosing to love and accept your partner just the way he or she is, is on one end of love’s spectrum, and that trying to change your partner to more your liking, is clearly on the other.
Both take work, though holding onto the hope of being able to change someone to your satisfaction may not be impossible (as in the Pygmalion effect), being totally satisfied with your creation, to recapture your initial love, and to expect reciprocation for all your efforts, is likely just too much to ask for. Even so, this requires enormous effort and more often than not, the anticipated reward is not achieved.
The relationship high road, is to commit to working things out as they arise, which requires an agreement by both parties to allow for a safe, tender, and caring environment where either can share his or her feelings openly and honestly, without threat of ridicule, thereby paving the way for the work necessary to be done. A delicate balance between give-and-take/nature-and-nurture, to achieve a respectable outcome of mature love between two people.
To love is a choice.
Will you choose love? Or look to find your elusive love elsewhere?
There is no right or wrong answer.
What is your choice?