When involved in any kind of relationship with another person, whether in a friendship, romantic, familial, work or business relationship, you may find yourself wondering if it’s time for
Letting go of someone you love
You may find yourself unequally yoked with someone who is not a positive influence on your life. Their lives may be filled with drama and they may be somewhat self-destructive. Because you love and care for this person, you may find yourself expending a great deal of your personal resources redirected to this person more often than not.
Once you realize that someone is draining you, as you have a decreasing volume of inner strength and/or other resources (or even nothing left, if it’s already gone on far too long) for yourself, you begin to wonder if it’s time to walk away from this person, enough for you to garner some strength of your own without accusation, judgment or ridicule – because you know everyone is doing the best they can with what they have – in an effort to just let it go.
Care Too Much
The more emotionally tethered you are to this individual; the harder it may be to sever the cords that bind you so rigidly. Why? Because you care. It’s why you’re in this situation, now, and while it’s good to care, it may be self-destructive of you to care too much. What is caring too much? When
You care about the other person more than they care about themselves
We All Do Stupid Things
Understanding we all are emotional beings, we all realize that we all occasionally find ourselves saying something stupid (inappropriate or at the wrong time and/or place) or doing stupid things when we’re not fully our most conscious. This allows us to engage our empathy when we see someone else struggling and feel sorry for them or want to help them get back on their feet. At what cost?
You can help someone, but you cannot help someone who does not respect your assistance, and will not pick up the ball, accept responsibility for their own life, and live their life in a better way on their own. You cannot be expected to be someone else’s everything. You must love them enough to let them find their own way, even if it means letting them stumble, fall, self-destruct and hit rock bottom, if that’s what it takes.
Know when to walk away
Take a personal power inventory. Rate yourself from 1-to-10 on your personal balance of these:
Happiness, Joy, Contentment, Personal satisfaction, Exercising good judgment, Enjoying activities and/or hobbies, Spending time with others whose company makes you feel good or better, Feeling good about yourself and Enjoying good health.
If your relationship with this person is responsible for depleting your personal accounts in these areas, you know it’s time to walk away.
It’s time to distance yourself from this person if you have more emotional pain resulting from
Depression, fear, despair, rage, guilt, worrying, bitterness, lack of energy, helplessness, unhappiness and frustrations with feeling responsibility for covering up for this person’s actions and life choices.
Other signs you might be better off without this particular person would include their propensity to engage in dishonesty, lack of integrity, making promises they never keep, never compromising, self-sabotage, not following through on commitments, inconsiderate of others (especially you), attract drama and continue to deplete your resources (emotional and/or financial).
It’s time to take the time to let it go and focus on your own emotional well-being.
It’s not that you love them any less. In fact, it takes a much greater love to allow someone to find their own way, even if it means walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It’s not easy to watch someone you care about experience the trauma and repercussions of their own decision-making and having to suffer the consequences without being compelled to help relieve some of their discomfort.
Tough love means I love you enough to care, even share in your emotional pain, and enough to let you go through this on your own. I love you. I believe in you and that you have everything you need to have everything you want, to make all your dreams come true, if you choose to embrace your dreams and to whatever is necessary for you to get to where you want to be.
And they call it tough love because it not easy to do. It may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But it’s the best thing you could ever do for you and that person for whom you care so dearly. And the people whom you’ve empowered to take responsibility for their own lives, they won’t like it either. They have become dependent on you, but now it’s their time to shine and make their own way. It will be difficult but it will be worth it.
God bless you in all that you do
See also: Toxic Relationships