We all want to be loved, and there’s nothing better than being in the throes of love and passion.
With many years consulting in love and relationships, it’s generally accepted that when two people get together there are going to be problems. All this relationship drama contributes to the bottom line of so many industries in America, it’s not just the relationship coaches, keeping their caseloads maxed out, with the constant struggle of helping couples with their constant struggle.
In the office, there are issues that show up regularly, and every once in awhile, you are truly surprised or shocked by something new. But the struggle remains. My book, 7 Phases of Love, depicts a general path of growth amidst the romantic love spectrum and offers assistance to those on such a journey, as well as tips, tools, and techniques for the people who work with them, assisting couples to navigate the treacherous waters of romantic love.
Oh, yeah, I am David M Masters, Lead Coach, Trainer, and Transfiguration Specialist at St. Paul’s Free University, and you can find out more about me at davidmmasters.com. The word on the street is that St. Paul’s Free University is looking for teachers, trainers, and instructors. If you think you might be interested in joining us to help make the world a better place. Feel free to contact me or talk to any of our presenters here, today.
The 7 phases of love follow the path from hormonal, horn honking, drooling, lust-driven love, all the way to the harmonic love frequency fully honoring each other in positive partnership.
No matter where you are on your love journey, there are bound to be some challenges along the way, and at any time, either you, your partner or both of you can call it quits and walk away.
Call it quits?
That’s worldly love, and you know what I’m talking about. The kind of love that’s like a disease that eats away at your heart until there’s nothing left. No love. Love is a heart-eating disease.
Love is like a poisonous virus that spreads the highly contagious disease of love’s toxins that promote possessiveness, jealousy, envy, suspicion, bitterness, dishonesty, controlling, abuse, and the judgment of others and yourself.
You’ve loved, stood there in faith, totally open and naked to your partner, and where did that get you? Far more misery than pleasure, that’s for sure. It’s no wonder you want to bail out of the love boat. Who wouldn’t?
Especially in our present-day society, where relationships are disposable, and in worldly love, “the world” profits when relationships thrive, and even more when they fail.
It is easier to walk away (and far more profitable for the powers that be) than it is to do the work necessary to create a sustainable relationship. So, at the first sight of something you don’t like in a relationship, you start looking for the EXIT sign.
Anyone want to know what the Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail are?
Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail
- basic compatibility
- communication styles
- lack of trust
- unmet expectations
- unfulfilled obligations
- money issues
Of course, this is an over-simplification of what is really going on behind the scenes because you have a lifetime of accumulated pain, wounds, and emotional triggers, that cause you to recoil at the first hint of trouble (even if there is no actual trouble at hand).
Your friends will counsel you to, “Run, David, run!” because they don’t want to see you suffer needlessly (or again), plus, they miss your uninterrupted attention. There’s a good chance that your best friends see their relationship with you as far more meaningful than that of your mate, and in those times when things are not looking good, they can taunt you with, “See, I told you so.”
You might be surprised that your friends are really not looking out for your best interests in your partnership relationship as much as they are their relationship with you, and there may have been some building animosity since you’ve been distracted by your love relationship.
So, things are not going as well as you might like them to, and that’s when you find yourself in my office, or the office of any of my contemporaries, asking, “Is there hope for us?”
Relationship counselors make bank on your struggle in relationships. The more dysfunction, the more money the therapists make. When you come in as a couple, we get a hundred bucks. When you drift further apart and come in separately, we make twice as much.
We do our best to coach you through the 7 phases of love, and the further you progress, the easier it gets.
And we expend our greatest efforts to help you negotiate as we mediate and try to help you discuss and argue about your relationship endlessly, making agreements, and promises to each other in our presence, knowing that as soon as you leave the office, all bets are off.
It’s just deteriorated too much for far too long. You’ve tried to fake it till you make it, and you just can’t take it anymore.
But totally bailing out is hard, and frightening. I mean, take a look around at all the other relationships you can see self-destructing before your very eyes, and you’ve heard the horror stories. The heartbreak, the battles over this and that.
It’s no wonder you feel helpless, hopeless, like a victim, or a prisoner in your own life.
Can you make it work?
Yes, with enough hard work, if both partners cooperate, and pay a relationship coach to help level the playing field, you can find a way to make your relationship work.
Let’s face it, you’re two different people, and you’re supposed to aspire to becoming “one?”
Is that possible?
Yes, you can each remain to be fully yourselves, and combined, the two of you culminate in another entity, as a couple, your relationship is expressed as another being, not unlike a corporation, and incorporation of two souls into one entity.
But rarely does this happen naturally, usually, it is due to patience, sacrifice, and lots of hard, sometimes painful work. And amidst all the hard work and pain of trying to work it out, it’s easier, to say,
And if you bail out, the system profits wildly from your decision.
The system profits from two households being supported when there used to be one. Everything from toiletries to insurance rates and taxes go up.
There is hope?
And there is. And it can be summed up in these two words,
Which sounds so wonderfully romantic.
What does it mean?
It means your partner will love and respect you 24/7. Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what we all want?
You want to be with someone who trusts you. Who doesn’t question you? Who allows you to be the person you really are?
You want this unconditional lover not to question your underlying motives, constantly asking about your whereabouts when you’re out of sight.
You want someone who loves you no matter what. No matter what challenges you may face in life. Just to be there, supporting you, in the knowledge that everything will work out okay.
If you need help, he or she will be there for you, supporting you, loving you, without accusation or judgment.
When you boil it down to its simplest form, you want someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone who will hold your hands tenderly yet firmly, look you in the eyes, and say to you from the bottom of their heart,
“I love you no matter what.”
No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I love you.
No matter what happens, what challenges you may face, I will be here for you, loving you, no matter what.
Wow! That’s it!
THAT is unconditional love, and we all want that.
Do you want that?
If you do, say it by declaring a resounding, “Yes!” (Yes.)
In order for you to get what you want, that unconditional love, you need to define what that looks like for you.
Take three minutes and write down at least 10 ways that you know you will feel like you are loved unconditionally by your partner. Ready? Go…
What are the ways you know you can feel totally loved and accepted unconditionally by your partner? Write them down.
Some ideas: Believes me, doesn’t argue, challenge or debate with me. Does not lay down the law. Doesn’t threaten the relationship by threatening to walk out. Loves me just the way I am, warts and all. Cherishes all the little things I do for us. Listens to what I have to say. Negotiates with me, so that we both can have what we want out of life. Wants to support and work with me for the greater good. Never raises his or her voice, threatens, or abuses. Wants to show me love when I need it, when I want it. Loves and respects me, my family, my hobbies, my potential.
Whatever it is for you, write it down.
This list represents how you know you are loved unconditionally.
You say, Oh, yeah, baby, I want a man or a woman, like that.
And if you’re in a relationship with someone, right now, unless you are our hosts today, Mark and Lynetta, you’re thinking I need to find someone, like that because my partner is not capable of being what I want.
And this is the one biggest key in a sustainable loving relationship:
If you really want it, let me hear it from you again, and say, “Yes!” (Yes)
Now, keeping all that in mind, here’s something that you might find as interesting as I do:
When I ask a client if he or she wants unconditional love, they enthusiastically declare how much they really want to be loved unconditionally, no matter what.
But when I ask them if they are willing to
LOVE THEIR PARTNER NO MATTER WHAT
Their response is a resounding,
We want it. We want it more than anything, but we’re unwilling to give it, and therein lies the rub.
And that is why I developed the Awakening to True Love Workshop.
In these workshops, we take the love relationship to a whole new level, far beyond the 7 phases of love, where we work with people in traditional relationship counseling.
In traditional or “worldly love,” unconditional love is not possible because we get in the way of giving it. It’s not that we don’t want it, because we want it desperately, but, for the most part, we do not have the ability to give it within ourselves.
In awakened love, in contrast to worldly love, the couple is encouraged to focus more on truly loving one’s self, more than trying to impress or serve the other person in the relationship.
Once they’ve done the work of cleansing, removing blockages, and healing wounds from the past, they are in a far better place to truly love themselves.
Following this sacred work, the couple is able to fully open up and allow their love to overflow to the other partner.
The competition fades away and the two can truly become one. Both individuals, completely separate but together unlimited possibility and extremely powerful in the world working in perfect harmony.
We have a ceremony at the conclusion of the Awakening to True Love Workshop where we release all those things that stand between us and the authentic true love we desire, and send it off in a burning love lantern, and those things that held us back soars off with the glowing lantern.
And I’ve done this often enough to know, the question that is on your lips, right now:
“What happens, if it doesn’t work?”
It always works, 100 percent of the time.
Your lives can grow apart, and in an awakened love relationship, you can both agree to go your separate ways, no harm, no foul. Without guilt or blame, only love. True love.
This is the nature of true love.
If we are meant to be, then fine. If not, then, fine. God bless you, and God bless me, as we make our own way to our destiny, wherever that might be.
It’s a little like dropping your partner off at the airport.
I love you no matter what.
In awakened love, love is unconditional. I love me so much I can love you no matter what.
I love you no matter what you think.
I love you no matter what you say.
I love you no matter what you do.
And if we’re no longer meant to be? I love you then, too.
I love you enough to let you do whatever you need to do, even if it’s without me.
That is unconditional love.
My name’s David M. Masters, and you can find out more about me at davidmmasters.com
Awaken to true love, if you dare.