Defending Your Self

Ever find yourself feeling as if you’re fully engulfed in the inherited heavy emotion of fight-or-flight and defend yourself either verbally and/or physically, just as if you were actually being attacked by a wild animal? (Which is where this feeling originated with our ancestors.)

There is that part of us that seeks to protect our idea of “self” from attacks from other human beings. This part of us is highly sensitive, easily offended, feels entitled, superior, and jealous, among other motivations for defending your self at any opportunity, either real or imagined.

Nobody wants to experience pain, either physical or emotional, so we find ourselves on-guard to defend ourselves, especially if we’ve been hurt in the past. In this case, anything that looks frighteningly familiar to anything associated with any pain we’ve experienced in the past, we go into an emergent emotional response, which heightens our senses and readies us for battle. Or if the opponent appears to foreboding, we are looking for the closest exit and start preparing for a rapid departure.

This is a natural response to particular circumstances, such as

Dealing with conflict

In an attempt to protect yourself from the pain of any conflict, to defend, prevent or disable a conflict which could escalate into a more difficult situation, that might lead to injury or even loss of life.

If you’re unable to admit that you overreact in certain circumstances (which we are all prone to do), you can easily identify this self-defense mechanism being engaged in by others.

A common response in self-defense of potential conflicts is to play the blame card, blame the other person or someone else to remove the focus from you. Certainly, you could be falsely accused, or you could be in a heightened state of defensiveness due to unresolved issues from your past. And who knows what lies in the dark recesses of our heart and mind? There can be a wide variety of pent-up emotion, fear, guilt or shame fueling your defensiveness.

It’s interesting to sit back and watch two people defending their selves. It is not unlike hand-to-hand combat only using accusatory words instead of fisticuffs.

Protection from pain

Nobody wants to be hurt (or hurt again) so we’re on the lookout for potential painful situations. circumstances or interactions with other people. The downside to this is that surely if you are looking for demons you will find them, whether they are real or imagined.

And it’s not all in your head, as you experience psychological and physiological real pain from just the idea of there being a threat of a pending painful experience. These feelings can also create actual illnesses and diseases as well as the deterioration of the physical body, possibly ushering you to an early grave.

Even if you cannot imagine yourself as an angry person, when you are accosted by an angry person, it is a natural reaction to respond in kind, which escalates the anger into a potential battle of Armageddonistic proportions.

If you are too defensive, onlookers will be compelled to believe you are possibly guilty or hiding some demons of your own.

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”
Hamlet (William Shakespeare)

It is not uncommon to use an alternative feeling as a bandage to cover the wounded feeling. For instance, if someone leaves us, we just find it easier to re-frame the whole affair be demonizing the departing partner, or convincing ourselves (and our peers) that he/she was actually undesirable and below your standards, wishing him or her, “good riddance.” This does sometimes offer an adequate degree of decreased pain.

Comfortably numb

Our defensiveness does not have a healing effect on those who surround us, in fact, it has just the opposite effect. It prevents us from cultivating potentially amazing relationships with others and if you are prone to overreaction, others are likely to keep their distance out of their own self-preservation, and often we are unable to see this in our own reflection.

If left unattended, we can fall into a nearly comatose state of emotional numbness with regard to relationships. We lose all sense of love, compassion, empathy not to mention a lack of happiness or joy around other people. You could become a lifeless zombie just going through the motions of living a life.

Leonard Nimoy’s Spock

You find these zombies liberated from their feelings lurking in the Internet or social media via any device available. This is the only place where they can find solace, or ability to strike out at other imposing threats while hiding behind their firewall.

Others retreat into simply being completely logical, denying all sense of emotion as nonsensical illusion, like a Vulcanic Mr. Spock from Star Trek.

Loss of self

Eventually, you are left lonely and alone. If you’ve prepared yourself for this, you won’t care and feel as though you are better off because everyone else is evil or stupid and you’re better off without having relationships with other people at all.

In this state, there is little chance of discovering your true self, as you can only do this by viewing your reflection in the eyes of others. Before you have little chance of finding and empowering the real you to emerge and celebrate all the good things this life has in store for you, you might like to explore the possibilities.

You are a very special person with so much life calling you to all the love and joy you could possibly imagine, but it may require taking a look at doing some inner deep work.

You have the right to live your life any way you want, to any degree of success or privacy you want without any judgment whatsoever.

After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

 

 

Join the Witness Protection Program

We all have a vague awareness of the Federal Witness Protection Program (WPP) or Witness Security Program (WITSEC) which has provided safe harbor federal witnesses in exchange for the full disclosure of their open unbridled testimonials.

Participants in the Witness Protection Program are given new names, birth dates and identities. Often they maintain their original first names, or names that retain their original initials. They are lightly coached and assisted in creating an effective back story and some false credentials to back up their story and sent to (edited) an undisclosed location in the United States to assume their new life.

Who wouldn’t want a piece of that action, right?

I mean, imagine… What if you could get a free pass to participate in Master’s WPP camp?

You asked for it, so hold onto your hat. Here we go… Imagine…

Your boss is being investigated by the Feds for some unscrupulous activity. You are approached by a handler who informs you that you have the option of participating in the WPP, creating a new identity, and starting a new life in a new location. You must not let on that you are participating in the program and must keep playing the part, and going on about conducting your normal life without a word to anyone.

In the Master’s WPP, you get to pick your back story, profession and credentials. You will receive a limited amount of coaching/encouragement and you will be transported via a black Escalade with blackened windows to your new location with a stipend to pay for six months’ expenses. In this six months, you are expected to network, find gainful employment or start your own business (which you must self-fund) and assume your new identity in your new community.

Get a writing instrument and a piece of paper, open up a document or notepad and get ready to start writing or typing…

What will your new identity be?

(You are not limited by your answers to these questions. This is your shopping list for your handlers to take care of the details for you… And it all must not be able to be linked to your current identity and be completely fictitious, so make ‘em good.)

What’s your new name?

How old are you?

What’s your back story?

Include details, like: Where were you born/raised? What was your family life like? What were your parents like? What kind of schools did you go to growing up? What were your youthful accomplishments?

What is your area of expertise?

What would you like your credentials to look like?

What graduate schools or college(s) did you attend and what did you study?

What does your work history look like until today?

What was the status of your immediate household until today, and what will it look like from this day henceforth?

What will your transition stories look like?

For your old life exit: What is your story to support your sudden departure? For your new life entry: What is taking place in your life at this moment that makes you want to move to this new location? These are two completely different stories.

What kind of job are you looking for or business you would like to start?

Be as imaginative and descriptive as you can.

Don’t worry about the details. Your handler will take care of massaging and refining the story to help you achieve the best possible outcome in launching your new life.

Five, four, three, two, one… Go!

Now, are you ready to say, “Goodbye,” to your old life and, “Hello,” to the new you?

I am so blessed. This is the kind of work that I do with my clients every day (okay, not every day, but often). No, I don’t have a witness protection program, and I don’t encourage people to make fraudulent credentials. But, I most certainly go through this exercise, then help people step into their new identities and start their new lives. And this work has been very satisfying for me.

You can do this today. You don’t need my help, or anybody’s for that matter.

If you participated in this exercise, the resulting answers indicate who you really are. Potentially, this is the real you that lies dormant within you, subdued and imprisoned by your history (which I promise is based on lies, but you might not be able to see that right now, and that’s okay) and yearning to be released.

Will you do it?
We’ll see.

The Trajectory of Personal Growth and Change

If you’re on your own path of personal growth and expansion, your journey will be highly individualized and unique. Certainly, there will be times when your place in time and space and your coordinates align with someone else, leading to a bit of education and excitement along the way, then you will find yourself being led in yet, another direction.

Why can’t you just join hands and enjoy the entire journey with a particular group of friends? You absolutely can do that, but your expansion will be limited by maintaining the familiar frequency vibration of your friends. To be true to your evolutionary potential, there will be times when you go it alone, and in many cases, once you have traversed this rugged trail alone, you find yourself in very different territory and on a completely different trajectory.

If you’re travelling from Seattle to New York, the slightest change in trajectory can land you in Miami Beach. Likewise, your trajectory greatly affects the direction your path will lead. The truth is, while you share similarities with other people that you meet along the way (and it can be fun to hang out with others there for a while), you must realize they are not you. Even if you share camaraderie with them because you have certain things in common, you gotta move.

You can tarry and stay there if you want, and many people decide to do so because it’s familiar or comfortable. Even so, you know something inside you is beckoning you to new vantage points and unexplored territory. You are so very unique and you’re coordinates in time and space are so highly individualized that no one could possibly be on the same journey as you.

No one really knows you. They haven’t lived the life you have lived. They do not know the thoughts that race around inside our head, they do not share the exact same chemistry as you (no, not even identical twins). The YOU of who you are is not like anyone else. This is God’s gift to you. You can decide to accept it and get moving, or deny it and remain the same.

Your evolution is calling to you. You are the change. Your new life is waiting for you to arrive.

But you will not get there if you don’t go.

How do you do it?

Only you can decide. Others who have forged new paths who have given us clues of how to successfully charter new territory start by establishing their starting point, longitude and latitude, inventorying supplies and resources prior to departure. It’s best to establish where you are (to the best of your ability) before your launch.

It’s good to have a plan. Columbus had a plan, to discover an alternate route to Asia. Similarly, you should have your individualized plan based on your dreams, desires and the result of your deep inner work. Like Columbus, even with the best intentions and planning, you could end up somewhere you never intended to be. Even so, when you arrive you will know this was your higher calling and, who knows? Your journey may be celebrated and an inspiration for other “Expansion Explorers.”

Which brings up an entirely oft overlooked detail of documenting ones journey. I’ve never been one to be one for journaling, but many of my clients and friends swear by it, although I have left a trail of writings that painfully document my particular thought process at various times along my personal journey (that are embarrassing to look back on from this vantage point). I can attest to the validity of documentation. In any logical and/or legal (or medical) sense, “if you didn’t document it, it didn’t happen.” ‘Ere, journaling, whether privately or publicly (as in social media), is highly recommended.

This is your time. This is your life. This is your journey.

Establish where you are, have an intention and plan in mind, and move.

Want you ramp up your effectiveness and influence? Chart your progress via documentation.

If you are called to do so, allow your courageous journey to be an inspiration to others, who may be too frightened to do so.

Feel free to check in with me along the way.

Is Materialism Blocking Your Efficacy?

What are people on the move doing to live a better life?

The people I find myself working with are the shakers and movers in society, yet while they are being highly successful at having an impact in the world we share with them, they are also taking the time to focus on the intimate details of their life. In doing so, I believe (and so do they) they gain far more meaning and enjoyment from all life has to offer.

What are some of the things these influential people doing to increase their efficacy and quality of life?

I find them spending time looking inside, digging up their pasts, exorcising their personal demons, finding new ways to increase love exponentially in their lives and decreasing (or eliminating) the negative influences that may loom in the areas surrounding their lives.

While that is somewhat vague, I find many of them seeing materialism from a different perspective and taking action to prevent materialism from blocking their efficacy, and you might like to give it a go, too.

They find themselves re-thinking their connection with material things. It’s as if, at some point, something clicks inside them and they see the high value of the things most valued by the world as less meaningful, and these material things lose their sheen when they no longer offer any degree of satisfaction. In some cases, a loathing emerges as they see these high fashion items as an immense con game. It doesn’t mean they stop playing the game altogether, but they are able to remove the false emotional connection to their former materialism.

If you want to see where someone’s heart is, take a look at where their money goes.

These influential people who are looking for deeper meaning in life are using their resources, including their financial resources for doing or promoting the greater good in the world. Of course, they all have their particular flavor, and no two philanthropists hearts are the same, therefore these individuals are able to impact the world independently in an invisible collectivity that really does make huge differences in the world we share with them.

You, too, could take an active part

In fact in many ways I am endeared to that percentage of the 99% who are sacrificing to contribute to a better world, who you think wouldn’t be able to afford it. One statistic that comes to mind is the comparison between the giving of the WalMart owners, versus the giving of the employees of WalMart who are often barely getting by. The low-remunerated employees out-give their employer 100%.

You can see these people have heart and they’re putting their money where their heart is and they are making a difference. Even though their contribution may individually be small, say ten to a hundred dollars a month, collectively they have a profound impact, while it appears the owners could care less.

Unfortunately, you do seem to find the most wealthy one percent of the world’s population not giving a rat’s care about the rest of the world which is stuffing money in their pockets 24 hours a day, seven days a week. For many of these people nothing matters more than the money they can glean from the masses, and you find them frolicking in lavish lifestyles that some of us (maybe even you) desire to mimic, because don’t we all want a better life?

But is this the definition of a better life?

The people who I find myself working with see their monetary health as a key component in their enjoyment of life and feel like it is the energy which fuels their ability to have a greater impact on the world. You can tell by what they do with it, and they are not enslaved by materialism, which would only take the energy and put it back in the pockets of the one percent.

What are you doing with your resources?

You can use your resources to make the world a better place.

If your knee-jerk reaction is to insist that you do not have the money, take another look at people with so much less than you, who are taking action, giving a portion of their resources, including money and time to help make the world a better place.

Are you ready to make a difference?

Signs of a Bad Relationship

If you’ve found this searching the Internet looking for signs of a bad relationship because you might be with the wrong person, there’s a good chance that you may be courting the wrong person. What do you do when you find yourself loving the wrong person? You start expending some effort to see if you can cut off a potential disaster before tying the knot. The last thing you want to do is to wake up one day discovering you’ve married the wrong person.

If you’re already married, you may be saying, “I married the wrong person. What do i do now?” First of all, we all can hope that you’re over-reacting. Often after you’ve committed and made vows to love someone else no matter what, no matter what is waiting in the wings to make a laughing stock out of you. Love can sometimes be a cruel joke. Nonetheless you don’t want to think, “I married the wrong person.” Or find yourself asking, “Did i marry the wrong person?” Chances are things are not as bad as you think, you’re just having second thoughts (like buyer’s remorse), but if you have married the wrong person, here are some signs of a bad relationship.

Obvious Bad Signs

Some of the easiest signs determining you’re not in a healthy relationship are the ones that are painfully obvious, such as sharing more negative energy when you’re together than positive, engaging in harmful habits such as drinking, smoking, laziness, gambling, addictive behavior, lying, angry outbursts with a veiled (or overt) threat of violence, or clear signs of a lack of self control i.e. over-reacting, overeating, overspending or unexpected credit charges.

Lack of Integrity

In a healthy relationship, you can depend on your partner. You know if they’ve told you he or she was going to do something, you can rest assured that it will be done. If you’re not in a healthy relationship, promises are made but rarely kept and important integrous signs will be lacking, such as trustworthiness and dependability. If someone is not integrous, they may be disingenuous, selfish, and also lack empathy, warmth or have the ability to maintain any meaningful connectedness.

How Do You Feel About You?

When you first met, you had a relatively fair amount of self esteem and found yourself enjoying life. But since your hookup with your partner you’re finding how you feel about yourself and the things that you find joy participating in, thinking or daydreaming about on a rapid decline. In healthy relationships, as you spend time with your partner, you feel better about yourself and find ways to enjoy life together, even if the things you do together are markedly different from the things that you used to do before you met.

You Are Not Encouraged or Supported

You can take an honest look at your life and review your personal growth since you’ve been together. Does he or she have a positive influence on you, encouraging you to life a better life full of more fulfillment and happiness? This is what you should expect from a great partner, who is a supportive team player. It’s a huge red flag, if your partner puts you down, doesn’t support and offer to help you with projects that are meaningful to you, or worse yet, puts you down or laughs at these things.

If your growth is hindered and is not supported, there is no team. And relationships are the ultimate team, where lives are delicately balanced. If you can’t think of ways you’ve supported and encouraged each other to grow, or haven’t grown together, this is not a good sign.

When You Are Not Around

What does he or she do (or not do) when you’re not around? If he or she lives one life when you are around and a completely different life when you’re not around, chances are you are living separate lives. This is a clear indication that your lives are not compatible. If effective relationships, partners share each other’s interests and give and take. If their lives are compatible, they can find consistency in the lives they live, even if they are separated, the tone remains constant and stable. And if he or she is not mindful of you when he or she is away, there is no intention of maintaining a connection (even if only a text or emoticon). Not a good sign.

The Blame Game

If you, or your partner, is blaming the other for not being able to live a better life, this is not a good sign. It’s one thing to blame your partner to his or her face, but if you do blame or complain about them behind their back, to your family and friends, the damage is more dreadful and the effects more far-reaching. If either of you cannot keep a handle on your potential to blame the other person, you will never feel like this could possibly be a healthy relationship.

The Silent Treatment

If you find your partner cutting you off, stonewalling, or giving you the silent treatment when they are not getting their way, or for any reason, they may be blocking you from participating in his or her life in any significant way. If you cannot find ways to communicate and reach out to each other, even in difficult times, no good could come from this.

Lack of Connection

If there is a strong emotional attraction, it’s easy to overlook how deep your intellectual connection is. After a while, though, you start to see your conversations have no deeper meaning, it all seems so superficial and lacking substance. They seem friendly and talkative enough, but there is just surface talk, mostly centered on them and/or their past experiences. Wonder why they aren’t more interested in the meaningful details of your life? The answer is simple; they’re not that interested in you. If you stop to think about it, and realize that you know more about our partner than your partner knows about you, there’s a good chance you’re paired up with someone who is far more concerned with themselves than you, and possibly a narcissist.

Criminal Background

A criminal background could be a huge red flag, but before you throw the baby out with the bathwater, consider that while many people feel that people cannot change, I have been in the change business for X Years a long time. People can change, but it doesn’t come easy. If your partner is honest and upfront about their less than integrous past and they sound like they are taking full responsibility for where they’ve come from and how they’re changing their life (they are not blaming anyone or anything for their circumstance or behavior), and you can see and feel the difference, you may be witnessing a metamorphosis. Even so, you should proceed with caution, because just as likely that you may be witnessing a real transformation, you could be set up to be the next victim of a psychopath. You must decide what you can live with, just be careful.

Your Loved Ones Are Cautioning You

Your relationship should never be controlled by others, because often our friends and family truly do not have your best interests at heart. Sadly, it is true more often than not, that our friends and relatives are far more selfish about us and our connections to others than they could ever see or admit. They just know they are hurt or jealous because someone else is getting the best of you. But, if you’re seeing a pattern among the people who love you the most and you are finding they are sincerely concerned about your relationship with your partner, consider they might be able to see something from their vantage point you might not be able to see from your own. So, if the people you care about the most, and you know they care about you likewise, and they’re urging you get out, you might want to tale a look around to see if their concerns have merit.

Something’s Just Not Right

If you find yourself in a relationship that looks good on the surface, you know you have no reason that you can put your finger on indicating that something may be amiss, yet you feel something in your stomach or heart that just doesn’t seem right about it, this may be your inner voice or intuition telling you that things are not as they seem. Start to recognize your inner guidance systems attempt to warn and protect you from potential unwarranted exposure or harm. If you are certain these feelings are not from some other medical condition or in response to questionable restaurant shrimp, start looking for clues as to whether or not this relationship is in your best interest.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

If you’re thinking about taking a deeper look at your relationship and possibly calling it quits, take the precaution of looking at the statistics, just to prove to yourself that your concerns are not just based on mood or wavering emotions. To do this, simply create a basic T Chart and on one side list all the positive things about your relationship. On the other side, list all the negative things. Reviewing the list may help bring you back into a sense of calm as you realize the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages. On the other hand, if the relationship clearly has more negatives than positives, it might be a good idea to start taking a closer look at your partner, and asking yourself if it’s not time to think about putting an end to it.

My intention is not to dissuade you from being in the relationship that you are currently engaged in, but there is no doubt that you deserve an awesomely healthy relationship so that you can enjoy all this life has to offer. Hopefully, you are not in a toxic relationship and fortunate enough to consider these things prior to marriage, if not, you are in a far more precarious position.

Sometimes bailing out is not the answer, if there is hope for change and finding a new path that you and your partner can travel together. But if it looks like there is more pain than gain along the way, and you’re seeing signs of relationship ending, just realizing you are on different paths and honoring this fact by allowing your partner to go on without you, may be the best option as you walk away and let it go. Feel free to seek advice and opinions from others but keep in mind that these people are not you. Only you can and must make your own decisions and ultimately it is you that reaps the rewards or consequences of your decisions. Be cognoscente and smart and follow your heart.

10 Ways to Increase Your Performance

1. Why

Ask yourself why you want to increase your performance, whether it’s at home at the office, in your relationships, in your bank account, wherever you want to increase your performance, ask yourself why? Why do you want to have marked improvement in the area at hand (there may be many areas where you might desire to experience a marked improvement but focus on which area feels the most pressing, right now). Once you define your why (which may change along the way) you have the base of your motivation to change.

2. Visualize

You need to create an image of you achieving your highest and best in this area of your life. What does the endgame look like if you could have anything the way you want it to be, all you dreams realized, the absolute best result or outcome; what would that look like? In your mind create the absolute best result in full color, what would it look like, feel like, smell like. Notice key markers, find visual representations of these key markers and find images that represent them. Images you can cut out of magazines, or print out, and tape it somewhere you can see it. Put it on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your workstation, etc… Nobody else needs to know that that image represents, it’s just for you to act as a reminder that you know what “better than this” would look like in your wildest dreams.

3. Play Hide and Seek

Start looking for opportunities that will move you closer to where you want to be (and alternatively further away from what you don’t want). An amazing thing happens, once you are aware of your “Why” (#1) and you’ve seen in your mind’s eye how much better it could be, if you start looking for opportunities to advance or change, suddenly you start to see them appear. It doesn’t take long, and you will notice these opportunities were always there, only you couldn’t see them because they were hidden from view. Not so much hidden, as your beliefs or a lack of self worthiness obscured them from your awareness. Something has been calling you to a higher state, a better life, a more fulfilling way of living with increased satisfaction and love, but because of your reticence, you were unable to see it or didn’t believe you were worthy of having it better. Keep seeking and you will find ways to close the gap from where you are and where you want to be.

4. Make a Plan

A plan is like a map that can get you from here to there. You need to know where you are and where you’re going. Just as a map has markers between here and there, like you know if you’re travelling from one city to another, there are going to be towns you will have to pass between here and there. Knowing you’ve passed on of those key checkpoints ensures you are making progress (you might even stop to have a coffee or piece of pie – like little rewards or celebrations – along the way, but don’t tarry, keep moving). Thinks of ways you can start to assure you’re moving and making measureable progress. Make a schedule, prioritize activities and constantly check in with your internal GPS to evaluate your progress. Above all, stay on course and keep moving in the direction of where you want to be.

5. Avoid Distraction

Invariably, when you start to make significant advancements in your life, you will face opposition, both from external sources, like other people (including people you love becoming more needy, requiring more or your attention) and circumstances that will appear as to be thwarting your efforts to push through to the nest level, as well as internal sources, like your lack of belief in yourself, or negative self talk, all designed to distract you and throw you off course. And if that wasn’t enough to distract you, you will notice the media, and your personal devices will increasingly be finding was to keep you from achieving your highest and best. Learn to say, “No,” to distractions and resume you’re looking for opportunities to move closer to what you want.

6. Educate and Correct

Read books, blogs, and when you are able, get an accountability partner or coach. When you start making the move from a comfortable (or tolerable) way of living to a completely new plateau, it’s good to have ideas on how to make the journey. You can get these ideas by reading about who others have made the transition. An accountability partner or coach is like having a co-pilot or being able to check in with the weather service and tower (as if you were flying a plane and wanted to know how the weather might affect your flight and making certain the flight path was clear). Having another set of eyes vested in seeing your dream come true can help immensely, when your vision is limited to the view from your cockpit, allowing you to make important corrections along the way.

7. Question and Listen

Being in a constant state of openness can be highly beneficial. Don’t excommunicate others who might have a valuable tidbit that might be helpful for your journey. Don’t eliminate the possibility of learning from someone else (what to do, or not to do) by immediately discarding someone else’s point of view. Ask questions along the way, and wait for the answers, always being open to hear the input of someone else. Realize that whoever is giving you advice may not have the best answer. Even though they are adamant and passionate, don’t judge them, if their advice does not resonate with you. Realize they are only doing the best they can with what they have. (That person, who may sound like a kook today, may be highly valuable to your journey in the future.)

8. Honor and Gratitude

Honor those who have supported and helped you along the way, with the highest respect and gratitude. For if it were not for them (whether their influence was good, or bad), you would not be on the path that you are on today, and you would not be making the progress you are making to achieve your highest and best. Be gracious, seeing the good in all things (even if they look bad at the time) because they are moving you closer and preparing you for what lies ahead. Give thanks in all things, because this is the journey that gives your life meaning and a reason to live a life better lived.

9. Maintain Your Resources

Keep an adequate awareness about your personal resources which you have for your journey, don’t lost them. You’re going to need them. This includes your own personal health and wellness. Take time out to enjoy the journey, to relax and refuel along the way, because the last thing you want to do is to run out of gas along the way. Do not neglect your body, the vehicle without which you would not have the ability to make the journey at all. Think about keeping it in tip top condition – at least the best condition possible – for your journey. Good health will make the journey so much more enjoyable and satisfying.

10. Give It All You’ve Got

Pursue your goals with passion and heart-felt admiration and love. The more you put in, the more rewarding the payoff, as well as all the milestones between here and there. The less you hold-back, the greater the gain. Be willing to push through when the getting gets rough (as you are likely to meet resistance along the way) and have an exciting story of perseverance when you have made it through.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to traverse this path, follow it through to its logical conclusion and to be a light to others in search of taking on the task of daring to live a better life.

How to Work a Room

Q: Where do you find individuals to model?

A: Working the room at networking and/or social events; and so should you.

Successfully working a room is a complex method that either comes naturally to you, or will take a lot of concentration and work to develop the skills necessary.

Your assignment (should you choose to accept it) is to go forth, find a venue and work the room yourself. If it’s outside of your comfort zone, then you are a true hero; not just the hero in your own story but a beacon of hope for others – who, like you – are struggling taking this critical step, too.

If you know people in this venue, do not hang out with them. Make it a priority to meet people that you don’t know, ask them who you should introduce yourself to and set your feet in motion. Consider sitting next to someone you don’t know.

Here are 10 things to help you prepare for the next phase in your journey as you develop your networking skills.

If you can, meet with the most high-ranking person that you already know at the event (a special guest, event promoter, or other friend) visit with them briefly and ask them who you should talk to next (who could most benefit from your service or help promote your service).

How to Work a Room in 10 Steps
1. Introduce yourself
2. 30 second elevator speech
3. Ask about them
4. Listen
5. Care
6. Can they help you?
7. Can you help him/her?
8. Exchange cards
9. Invite them to call you
10. Next

Avoid the person who appears to be purposely avoiding interaction with others. But acknowledge them with a friendly nod as you work the room, letting them gain their own courage (if that is what they lack) from witnessing yours.

If you must proceed blindly simply walk up to someone who possesses a commanding presence and isn’t actively engaged in a conversation. Feel confident enough to break character for a moment and honestly say, “I expected to see someone I knew, here, but to tell you the truth, I don’t see anyone in this room that I know. What’s your name?”

Once they’ve recognized your plight, he or she will likely be enthusiastic about introducing you to some other folks in the room to help you get started. If not, try the same approach with another person who appears to be a confident extrovert. Really, all you have to do to get the ball rolling is to

1 Introduce Yourself

Be polite, friendly, smile and say, “Hi, my name is _________ … and you are?” It really is that easy.

They may or may not ask about you, nonetheless, early on, comment on the event, their appearance, then:

2 Give your 30 second elevator speech

You have rehearsed this and can recite your 30 seconds worth without it sounding as if it was simply recited or memorized.

Never be shy discussing your business with anyone. They may not need your services, but may someone who does.

3 Ask about them

After you’ve established who you are and what you do, begin learning about the person you’re meeting. Ask exploratory questions. You’ve indulged yourself, now it is time to connect and discover more.

Have they travelled or done this before? Ask them why they are here.

Don’t ask questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. Invite them to expound by asking who, what, when, where and how questions. When they’re answering questions, they’re doing the heavy lifting.

4 Listen

Yes, your intention is to promote yourself but you do so by listening to the person you are meeting.

Listen for clues for ways you can help them on their journey or can help you on yours.

Practice active listening. Look them in the eye (this may be uncomfortable for some, at first but it is an important component of effective communication). Make the effort to paraphrase and repeat portions of what is being expressed by the person you are meeting.

5 Care

Don’t just acknowledge the other person, but show them that you care. You can express caring about a stranger in a brief conversation by nodding or making appropriate facial expressions to mirror the emotions that they might be feeling at a deeper level as they speak.

6 Can they help?

As they are expressing themselves, be listening for ways they might be able to further your purpose.

7 Can you help?

Suggest a way that you might be able to help them, if appropriate, based on this brief exchange.

Emphasize how you can help them rather than how intellectual you are. People are interested in what you can do to help them.

People appreciate generosity and authentic offers of assistance and your help may simply take on the form of an empathetic ear and compassionate understanding of their plight.

8 Exchange cards

Do not force a card on everyone that you speak to. Offer your card only if it would be beneficial for this person to contact you later.

Remember, this is not a sales call, but if this person might see a need for your service, product or skill(s) – or if they have asked for your card – then absolutely you should give them one.

Likewise, if they have skills that you might need, either now or in the future, you should request their card.

If you get someone else’s card, write notes on it, so that you can remember who they were. Getting other people’s cards is actually more important than giving out yours… and this only works if you follow-up and invite them to participate with you.

9 Invite them to call you.

If you’ve given them a card and there is potential that you may be able to serve them in some way, make sure to invite them to call you so that you can discuss more details of the possibilities that may be uncovered in this brief interaction. Remember, this is not a sales call, nor is it a time to close. Keep it brief, because you must move on…

10 Next

Move on to the next person. If you don’t know who you should speak to next, ask the person you are wrapping up with. In most cases, you will find them eager to suggest someone that you should talk to and may even escort you to the person and introduce you.

Exiting the event

Don’t just leave. Thank the presenter, guests; re-connect with the people you’ve connected with before you make your exit.

Following the event

Follow-up. If you do not contact them again, then there will likely not be potential gain. Give them the opportunity to move through your social circles.

It’s all about building lifelong clients and friends via relationship.

Excerpt from Success Attributes © 2008 David M Masters used by permission.

March 2017 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of March, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

Dream Catcher vs. Dream Smasher Preparedness for Confronting Evil Life is a Battlefield
Effective Marketing Dollars What to Expect as You Awaken Ready to Meet Aliens from Outer Space?
Vulnerable and Honest Director’s Cut Be A Game Changer

True Conspiracies

Every Thought Is Real Unforgiveness or Forgiveness Let’s Get Married
Stockholm Syndrome I Know That You Already Know What Are Type A Personalities Hiding?

Pain Is A Gift

Raise Your Money Vibration Deep Inner Work
 There Is Hope  

Heal Yourself

 

How to Not Take It Personally

How Can I Allow Evolution?

 It’s Just Not Fair Haters Gonna Hate

 

Top 10 Manipulations

 

 

Dream Catcher vs. Dream Smasher

You have found an amazing treasure… the most incredible, life-changing discovery (or one of the most significant treasures, if you’re in the habit of uncovering them often). You are so excited. You can’t wait to share it with the person whom you care about the most.

Have you ever brought something of powerful personal significance home to share with your partner (or to some other Very Important Person, someone whom you give significant importance to in your life) whose first response was one of disregard, or worse to make fun of you for considering any value in the thought, idea or focal point of your inner most emotional connection to your discovery?

How does that make you feel?

How do you feel about your newly discovered treasure now?

How are you feeling about your partner or VIP?

Depending on who you are and who your partner/VIP, you’re likely to either to toss your discovery in the trash and walk away from it, or put it on the back burner, feign respect for your partner/VIP but feel a disconnect from that person. If you’re disconnecting, your respect and affection for your partner/VIP is waning and you find yourself drifting away, especially if this has happened before, or you expect it to happen more often.

This is the conundrum you can find yourself in if you’re in a relationship where the roles played are,

Dream Catcher vs. Dream Smasher

Dream Catcher

Obviously, you are the dream catcher. A dream catcher is so much more than just an optimistic person. The dream catcher is constantly not simply aware of or actively seeking to see the good in things (like the optimist) but is foraging for meaningful, hidden treasure in life (and beyond). These precious treasures, when uncovered attach themselves deeply within the treasure hunter, often including a direct connection to the heart.

Invariably, every dream catcher has a dream smasher lurking in the wings, not far off from where the treasure has been discovered. Sometimes the dream smasher is very close, maybe a friend, roommate or someone you share your most intimate moments, whom you care about, respect and/or love.

Dream Smasher

The dream smasher is more than just a pessimist or a cynic. The dream smasher is compelled to disregard, ridicule, or totally squash your newfound treasure. They are compelled not to just do so once. Try to share another breakthrough of epiphany and they will laugh it off, or otherwise smash your dream again. Why? Because the dream smasher is hard-wired for this dream smashing response.

The dream smasher hard-wiring can be due to a life-long chemical balance in the brain, like that of a psychopath, or it could be learned behavior. Why would someone learn behaving like a dream smasher? The answer is: Fear.

People will smash your dreams out of fear.

Fear that you will follow the dream, and leave them behind.

Fear that you will move forward in some way, which would make them feel bad about their lack of desire to move (in thought, lifestyle, or time and space).

This fear can either be imagined, or based on a life experience when they experienced loss due to someone else who abandoned them for something better. This person will smash anything that threatens any potential loss or disconnect.

Interestingly, the learned behavior dream smasher will smash your dream in an effort to preserve and save your relationship with (and /or dependence on) them, when in reality, it has the opposite effect; refusing to embrace and support another’s precious treasure(s) only causes disconnect and a falling away.

While there is no hope for the psychopath who feels a sense of power and superiority from smashing the dreams of others, there is hope for the dream smasher who is smashing your dreams out of fear.

If you cannot break through the dream smasher’s issues, you will continue to drift apart. If you can break-through, heal and create a more intimate connection, the relationship will continue and may thrive.

You may be able to share your treasures, learn to catch and explore dreams together.

Preparedness for Confronting Evil

Let’s face it, the world is a crazy place, and it can get to you, if you let it.

Turn on the television, expose your mind to any news feed via any form of media and chances are you will find yourself in a stream of negativity that would make any normal person wonder what the hell is going on? And ask, “Is this really what the world has come to?”

It seems like all you hear about is a growing criminal element, homelessness and starvation, human trafficking, sexual perversion and abuse, war and torture among a myriad of other potential news indicative of a declining outlook on life in the world as it is. It’s enough to make anyone shake in their boots.

And this may well be the intent of the powers that try to manipulate how you feel about the condition that the world is in.

How you feel about these issues determine where you are at in the grip of society. Society would prefer you to be in a perpetual state of fear and believe that law enforcement and the government will help to keep you safe and secure from all the ideations of injustices and threats we are bombarded with regularly.

If you are finding your own way, growing and maturing, you may be looking at these negative influences from a different perspective. You might not have faith in law enforcement and the government to take care of these issues and take issues into your own hands.

This is not necessarily a bad thing. I think if you are passionate about a particular injustice and feel like taking an active part in its resolution, this could be a very good thing, or it could have negative implications as you are potentially lost in the negative vibrational whirlpool of the very issue you’re trying to help or resolve. You need more than motivation for a successful outcome.

To most effectively do battle in this battlefield, you must do so from a position of impervious personal power and peace to have an effective impact in the area which has touched your heart or garnered your undivided attention, you desire to make a difference and are compelled to take action.

If you are wise, you are finding a solid foundation and inner peace to launch your campaign from. Being grounded in love and light is an enormous advantage when battling darkness. This is the advantage of walking an individual path and doing your own deep inner work.

Another result from finding your own way and doing this work is that you may benefit from a higher personal vibration or frequency, allowing you to see from a different (higher) perspective and feel much differently about the issue at hand.

In the event that you are still compelled to engage in the battle for this issue, this is a more advantageous perspective to offer assistance. Instead of being overwhelmed by the battle on the ground, you are able to offer air-support, a far more effective support for the conflict at hand.

When you are engaged in battle on the ground (metaphorical hand to hand combat) if you are operating from a position of anger (which is a mask for fear) you are not likely to achieve a positive outcome. If you really want to make a difference and have a positive impact, you must do so from a powerful stance of love and respect, which can only come from within. Your heart-connection will determine your effectiveness.

Left to your own skills, when the going gets tough, your inner shadows and demons will rear their ugly heads and thwart your attempts to have a positive impact, even though this is clearly your intense desire prior to launching your campaign.

If you have done the work (or more accurately, doing the work, because it is a continual process) you are more capable of operating in the love and respect space. In this space, you choose the weapons of your warfare and you are able to control the emotions and response to challenges as they arise.

Now, you have an increased ability to take on combatants who may appear to be many times more powerful or menacing than you, but there is no power on earth or in heaven greater than the power of love.

When you have a firm, peaceful foundation and love on your side, you are unshakably the mightiest of all defenders and warriors against any beast.

May you be blessed on your journey as a champion for good.