Category: Blog

Top 5 Social Skills for Success

There is no doubt that in business, or nearly any area(s) of life, those who wield the best interactive social skills have a huge advantage over those less adept at social interaction.

Some people are born with it; others make the effort to develop these social skills to increase their advantage in the world as we know it. It really all comes down to economy of effort, meaning that the most successful people are able to accomplish so much more in much less time.

Top 5 Social Skills for Success opportunity assessment brand integrity persuasion blend in emotional connectionThe best equipment you could have at your disposal would include these top five specialized social skills tucked away in your tool belt:

  1. Opportunity Assessment
  2. Brand Integrity
  3. Be Persuasive
  4. Blend In
  5. Emotional Communication

Opportunity Assessment

This ability would be considered self-serving by most of the general populace, but being able to quickly identify people to interact with that can best benefit you is a key skill that should be mastered by the successful businessperson or entrepreneur.

Think of it as having two minutes to make the determination whether the individual will be beneficial to you, your professional concerns, or may have skills that will help you to further your purpose.

You must always be polite, never rude, as you quickly express your purpose and try to learn as much as you can about the other person, limiting yourself to your 30 second elevator speech, then ask questions to determine whether there exists a potential opportunity.

Brand Integrity

Take care when interacting with others in the boardroom, in public, from the stage, during interview and face-to-face to stay congruent to, promote and protect your brand. Be cautious.

For some people, it is the person that is their brand; their name, their appearance, their convictions and public persona. Whenever possible in all the things you say and do, be consistent to the image that you want to be remembered as.

For others their brand may be a product or service. Do not expose behind-the-scenes information or data that might reflect poorly on your brand. This means that some topics may need to be avoided in order to protect your brand.

Be Persuasive

One of my mentors insisted that, “salesmanship,” and/or persuasion was the single most important skill to possess if you intend to enjoy any level of intentional success.

Obviously, having the ability to promote and sell your perspective, product or service on-demand can have huge impact on your overall success.

If you’re not born with a persuasive personality, this could be (and often is) the most challenging skill to adequately wield, as it can be the double-edged sword that improperly used could actually backfire and cost you a sale, potential client or cause people to question your motivation. This is a delicate balance that takes both balance and practice. You don’t want someone to remember you as the pushy salesperson or jerk.

Nevertheless, you must be able to encourage others to see from your perspective, whether they are friends, potential fans (who will promote you and/or what you do), customers or clients.

Blend In

This is the ability to relate to anyone on their terms. That means, regardless of whether you are speaking to a group of people or in a one-on-one conversation, you have the ability to see from their perspective, being thoughtful enough to use a similar style of speech (as long as it does not interfere with your brand).

Not just for those with political aspirations, being able to blend in is skill of adapting to any unique social setting and maximizing one’s exposure without standing out too much and being mindful of brand protection.

Emotional Communication

Interact with people in such a way that demonstrates that you are compassionate and passionate with a full array of emotions, communicating with feeling. When active in communication use voice inflection that enables your audience to perceive that you are enthusiastic, confident and competent.

People love emotions and they listen for your emotion in your vocal interactions with them. Speak from your heart to theirs, making an intimate connection.

If you feel as though you do not possess this skill, you can practice, practice, practice with a simple audio recorder. Practice reading and talking using a variety of vocal styles. If you have young children, reading children’s books and stories and vocally representing the voice of different characters is perfect practice (plus your kids will never forget your story-telling abilities).

How to Build Your Social Skills for Success

The best way to start building these skills is to start hanging out with other folks who already possess the skills you desire. Keenly observe them and model their behavior. Go to seminars, events and watch videos of live presentations. Study how others perform their social magic, take notes and practice doing what they do.

How Do You Feel About Yourself?

The better you feel about yourself, the more you will have and be able to give to a troubled world.

How do you feel about yourself when you look in the mirrorIf you are not feeling good about who you are as a person, you are more likely to be tired, depressed, feeling as if you are all alone in this world, anxious or unhappy.

How you feel about the person you see when you look in the mirror affects the entire world that surrounds you; your relationships, your career, satisfaction, and overall quality of life.

Here are a dozen questions to ask that can put you on the path of becoming your highest and best enabling you to have more of yourself to share with a world that needs your positive impact.

How do you feel about yourself What does my inner voice say about me

 

1. What does my inner voice say about me?

Sometimes our own inner voice is our worst enemy; old recordings that play on in continuous loops touting self-criticism or unworthiness.

You can interrupt the pattern with a strike-that-reverse-it strategy. There are many methods to approach this kind of negative self-talk but I have found that the most immediate and abrupt interruptions and reversal methods work best.

Snap It Out

For instance, wearing a rubber band on your wrist and snapping it immediately when you sense the negative thought. This creates a stopping point.

Next, you want to say (out loud, if you can) the opposite, positive reinforcement or reframe of the negative thought three times (this can be silently to yourself if you’re in a public environment where this might be inappropriate).

You might also consider a simple tapping exercise that I encourage my clients to use that goes like this:

Tap It Out

Let’s say your negative thought was, “I’m stupid.” Immediately cock your middle finger with your thumb and flick your ear (just like you might do to your little brother, or maybe you grandmother did that to you to interrupt your pattern of behavior, while remembering that this is not punishment, only a strong signal to stop the thought in its tracks).

You don’t have to flick your ear but I do suggest that you flick yourself somewhere around the vicinity of your head because this recognizes and identifies the location where the transgression originated. With a little practice you can develop a flicking method that couldn’t even be discerned by the unsuspecting public around you.

Then with the same finger that you flicked yourself with, tap the inside center of the palm of your opposite hand repeatedly. While you tap continuously say the negative thought (out-loud, if you can) three times with as much negative emotion associated with the words that you can muster. While you are doing this, imagine seeing the thought travel from your brain to inside the palm of your hand while you are saying the words. Then close your hand tightly, as if you are gripping the thought so as not to release it.

Next, turn over your clenched fist and tap repeatedly at a rapid pace, just like you did before, only this time repeat the opposite supportive positive phrase (out-loud if you can) that counteracts the negative thought. In this case if might be something, like, “I am getting so much smarter and brilliant every day. I’m a genius!” After the third recitation seal the deal by an affirmative closing statement, like, “I love the new me!”

Then, open your hand and let the negative thought fall down to the ground like a rock. Brush the insides of your hands in a cleansing motion and go on about your day a little better than you were before.

Amazingly, the next time that negative thought interrupts your daily life (if at all), you will find that you have less emotional attachment to it. This is an effective method that breaks the pattern and also removes the psychological pain associated with these negative invasions.

This works for my clients – and it will work for you – if you give it a chance.

Some other questions you might ask could be:

2. How positive is my personal outlook?

We all have heard about how we are supposed to maintain a positive mental attitude ad infinitum. But it can sometimes be a challenge top think positively when you’re not feeling so good about yourself or life in general.

It’s not enough that we are bombarded by life circumstances that may be less than desirable but we are commonly exposed to negative influences that are quite easily monitored and filtered by simply paying attention and taking action to protect your personal space.

Find ways to focus on the positive. Start looking for the silver lining in everything in your life and avoid or eliminate anything that does not resonate with your happiness.

3. Do I open myself to destructive programming?

The phrase Garbage In Garbage Out (GIGO) originally used amongst computer programmers to refer to erroneous programming code or input producing unrecognizable output. We are not that much different; what we allow as input to our central processing unit (CPU) may produce a perception, belief or feeling based on data that may not be in our best interest.

If you want to take control of how you feel about yourself, it is imperative that you take action to control what information your mind has access to and/or how much attention you will give to certain kinds of data.

I routinely get exposed to data that is extremely interesting to my scientific mind. Then I have to ask myself, “Am I willing to dedicate a great deal of my life’s work and energy to this topic?” One must manage the economy of time, effort and concentration. Learn how to say, “No,” to some projects that would be better served by someone else’s expertise. Learning to tune out unnecessary input can help reduce the white noise in your thoughts.

You might consider monitoring, filtering or eliminating other input representing vibrational incongruencies, like media, TV, news, magazines, tabloids, etc… Intentionally seek out more sources of positive input from cognitively selected books, web sites, recordings, videos that are more in line with what you want.

4. What is the quality of my relationships?

You can immediately affect the quality of your self-worth by hanging out with a higher quality of friends and associates. Simply stated, ditch the nay-sayers, nervous perfectionists and compulsive conspiracy theorists and begin to surround yourself with more supportive and positive people.

Some people have a toxic affect on your life. You can tell by the way that you feel after you’ve spent time with them. Ask yourself, “Do I feel better when I’m around them?” Or do they make you feel drained? If they do not make you feel better, then they are not the kind of people that are in your best interest. If they drain you or are toxic, you need to stop spending time with those people.

Start making more time for the people that make you feel better about yourself. This raises the vibration of your personal power bubble.

5. How much gratitude do I exude?

The more thankful that you are for all the things that bring you joy or that you appreciate in your life also raises your self-esteem. To keep from taking things for granted every day, consider taking a daily 2 Minute Gratitude Break.

It’s a good way to take out a couple of minutes to reflect on the day’s events and activities. In a seated upright position with your feet flat on the floor, arms relaxed on your legs with hands palm up, take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out through your mouth, repeat as you relax… Concentrate on three things that you are grateful about yourself today (they don’t have to be big things).

Consider getting a small notebook to record the three things that you are grateful for each day. Review the list by reading it back to yourself out loud and smile. You may be surprised that as you look for the things that you are thankful for, you will find more good things happening in your life as you look for them.

6. At what level do I maintain strength and honor?

When you do the right thing, keep your word and stay true to what you believe in, you bolster your self-esteem. This makes you even stronger as you feel better about yourself and more confident about whom you are as a human being.

Mean what you say, say what you mean, let your word be your bond. Make your handshake and the words you express be integrous and trustworthy.

If you are in a leadership or influential position, don’t tell others what to do (especially if it sounds like judging others or preaching). Instead, lead by example. Let others see your good works and allow them to emulate your performance.

Become predictably dependable, giving others confidence in your ability to do what you say you will do.

7. Am I a perfectionist?

For the perfectionist, you need to lighten up and learn to let go of your rigid perfectionism.

Consider cutting yourself some slack and you’ll be surprised at how much more you accomplish in your life which will also make you feel better and better.

It is better to get a thing done than to do nothing from fear of not being able to complete it perfectly (or procrastination).

Perfectionists have a tendency to lean towards private self-abuse, condemning themselves for falling short (refer back to #1).

Embrace adequacy when doing a project. For instance, if you need to write a report, give yourself a deadline; a date and a time. When the time is up; you’re done. Move one and let it go. You could write and re-write for days… Sure, you could re-edit it at another time, but if you do; create a new deadline and stick to it.

I’m not saying to settle for mediocrity or to compromise your integrity, just to cut yourself some slack… for you. You are amazing and you deserve it. And you might be surprised at how much people appreciate your new level of increased performance.

Perfectionists also tend to expect more from their peers, which tends to be a constant cause of frustration. Learn to be more tolerant and let others do the best they can with the tools that they have (not everyone can be as wonderful as you, and that’s okay). Learn to let others be.

I know, it seems impossible… but it gets easier.

8. What if I Blow it?

You have to stop the self-deprecation. You are no longer allowed to put yourself down for shortcomings.

From now on, you must learn to forgive yourself and learn to let things go (see #1). Some people ride themselves so hard that they get physically sick.

If you blow it, remember that you are a good person and you’re getting better every day.

Then take a look at the facts; what made you do what you did? This is an important step because we all make mistakes, but if we examine the evidence and identify where we broke weak, we are more likely to prevent stumbling again. (At least in this way, because let’s face it, we all misstep sometimes. Nobody’s perfect.)

Congratulate yourself for figuring it out and make yourself a promise to look out more for yourself in the future. You have just completed another course in what not to do next time.

Always look for the silver lining, use positive reinforcement, forgive yourself, give yourself a big hug and tell your inner self, “I love you. You are awesome.” Because you are.

9. How Do I Treat Others?

Helping others makes you feel better about yourself. Be kind and generous. Commit to random acts of kindness. Volunteer your talent or time to an honorable cause. It feels good to help others who are less fortunate than you.

There’s nothing better than The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” (Jesus’ sermon on the mount, Matthew 7:12). No matter what you station in life (even if you feel like you’re at the bottom), there’s always somebody worse off than you.

I know that I help people every day, and some days… when I feel like I have nothing to give (yes, even I have my down days), but when I force myself to go through the motions on the behalf of someone else; it helps me to resonate with my strength and I get re-charged when my life affects someone else’s in a positive manner.

Just a simple compliment can make someone’s day, makes you feel better, and others feel better about you, too.

10. When’s the last time I tried something new?

Doing something you’ve never done before (especially something you may have avoided because the thought of it made you uncomfortable) builds self-esteem.

It can be something that you’ve always wanted to do, or maybe something that may not have even occurred to you.

As you look for opportunities to experience something new, they will appear before you… and engaging in these activities – even it if turns out that you don’t like them – gives you self-confidence and assurance in yourself.

It is better to say, “No thanks. I tried it and didn’t like it,” than to shy away, just because you’ve never done it before. (Note: this does not apply to illegal activities, which would be contrary to your strength and honor. See #6.)

11. Do I Compare Myself to Others?

Most of the clients I attract are upwardly mobile, focused and committed to high levels of personal excellence and they do tend to struggle with comparing themselves to others. Simply stated, comparing yourself to others drains your personal power.

So what, if someone’s better at something than you are? Guess what? You’re better at something than someone else. Instead of trying to beat out that person’s performance in that area, congratulate them on their strength in that area and move on.

Appreciate others for their unique abilities and you embrace your uniqueness.

Use healthy modeling. When you see in someone else an attribute that you would like to adopt as your own – go ahead – set a goal to attain it for yourself. Try it on; if it doesn’t feel comfortable, no problem. You can still have access to that attribute in your life by outsourcing it.

Make a friend or hire a professional that has that attribute as their innate skill.

If you compare yourself to anyone, compare who you are today to whom you were yesterday and continue to grow, measure your growth regularly and applaud your progress.

12. Who could I be?

Whoever you want to be: Be that!

Your path of personal growth is constant and never ending. You are continually growing, changing, reinventing, recreating and expanding into the new, improved you.

As an author, I am discouraged sometimes about the trail of documentation that I leave behind me that is a constant reminder of who I was yesterday. Does that slow me down? No way; onward and upward I go!

Don’t get stuck in the past and resist letting it drag you back from whence you came.

Model your mentors and heroes, act as if. I hear you saying, “You mean to fake it?” Yes, fake it ‘til you make it. It’s what everyone learns to do; royalty learns to act like royalty by “acting the part,” just like an actor plays a part. As his or her highness is adequately groomed and coached, they appear to be the person they are supposed to be.

When they feel that sense of 100% congruency with whom they are supposed to be; who knows? (Truth be known, they may never feel worthy of the role that they play.)

Dress nicer, groom yourself better and smile. Celebrate the you who is everything that you could be and remember that no matter how far you’ve come it can be even better.

Invite a glowing self-image by pretending that you have the highest self-esteem ever, and this feeling will find a home to live within you.

There is no higher calling than to accept the call to be your highest and best. I applaud you for the new you that you are becoming.

You are the lighthouse shining light beaming out of the darkness to help show others the way. You might be experiencing a metamorphosis, becoming a mentor to help others lost in the darkest night.

Let it be.

See also: How to Build Self-Esteem

Free Things to Do

When someone has let their finances get out of control and is trying to get a handle on their cash flow one of the first concerns is reductions in quality of life. The novice budgeter is likely to assume that maintaining a strict budget will mean having no fun.

While your new budget may only have a minimal amount set aside for entertainment, it only means that your former more expensive entertainment will be curtailed. You can have so much fun without having to spend too much, and you might be surprised to discover hours of enjoyment from activities that are even free.

While this list is far from complete, it is only offered as an idea springboard to get you thinking about entertainment in different ways, realizing that just because you’re on a budget doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. As a matter of fact, it is important to have as much cheap or free fun as possible while you’re reeling-in your expenditures.

Free things to do

Free Community Events

Check the local newspaper or online magazine for free events happening in your local area. Local organizations often sponsor free activities for residents. Find out what’s happening near you.

Visit the Library

Remember libraries? Though they are fading away, they are still around. You can easily spend hours perusing the treasures at your local library. Plus, this is an excellent free location to meet others at as an alternative to a restaurant and they may have a separate meeting area for you to use… for free.

free things to do with friends for fun and a better life

Explore Your Local Outback

Find natural areas to explore not far from where you live. Take a hike, go geocaching, walk around the lake, frolic at the park, feed the birds, party at the beach or have a picnic.

Party at Home

You can start your own at-home event, invite friends and host a murder mystery game, karaoke night, poker night, open mic night (sing, play an instrument, read poetry, standup comedy, etc.). Make it a potluck and an evening of it.

Create a Book with Friends

Join with friends to create a recipe book, or collection of stories, Chicken Soup for the Soul-style, or otherwise. Publish it in Amazon’s Kindle format and donate the proceeds to a good cause.

Book Club

Get a group of folks together who agree to read a particular book in tandem, one chapter per week. Meet somewhere in person, virtually, online or via a free conference call to discuss insights from the chapter.

Book Exchange

Host a book exchange, where you and avid book readers each bring a box of books and an hors d’oeuvre appetizer to exchange with other readers. Exchange meeting could be held at home or an off-site location.

Host a White Elephant Exchange

Everyone gift wraps and brings an unwanted gift they have received from someone else (within a specified price-range) at some point in time and exchange them (in a variety of ways). It’s fun and everyone leaves with something.

Get Dirty

If you have access to some dirt at home or nearby, cultivate a garden or weed community landscapes. Many people enjoy the feel of the earth in their hands while nurturing the planet.

Go Dumpster Diving

If you’re like me, this will probably never be on your radar, but I have come across so many people who absolutely love dumpster diving (don’t worry, I won’t mention your names) and you’d be surprised to hear some of the treasures they’ve uncovered doing so.

Start a Collection

Start a collection of something without cost, like drink coasters, rocks, shells, glass, feathers, bugs, themed photo collections, etc…

Barter for Entertainment

If you have a particular skill set (which we all do) you may offer to trade your services with any purveyor of recreational activity you like, in exchange for partaking in their offering. Good for anything from fancy restaurants and concert tickets to high end lodging and cruises.

Walk the Dog

Obvious for someone who has a dog, but if you don’t have a dog, you could sign up via the SPCA to walk someone else’s dog.

Start a Blog

Have a passion or opinion that you would like to share with the community at large. Start a blog. It’s free. You can post as often as you like and get the word out about what’s important to you.

Learn Something New

You can teach yourself just about anything these days, just by pouring over data from Google searches or viewing hours upon hours of free how-to videos on YouTube.

Volunteer

Give some of your time or talent to bless others via your local community organizations, or offer to mow the lawn for a neighborhood widow, you get out, plus you’re helping to make the world a better place.

Express Gratitude

Make a list of all the people who have been a blessing to you at some point in their life, and send them a note, email, private message thanking them for inspiring you. Include anyone from grade school teachers and friends to celebrities and family members. (Maybe write a memoir delineating their positive influence.)

Do you have any ideas to share regarding free things to do?

 

What Type of Money Person Are You?

Money is one of those hot topics that make many people feel uncomfortable about discussing it. Money breaks up relationships between people more than just about anything else. If you can get a handle on your relationship with money, your other relationships are less likely to be impacted negatively by your financial affairs.

Do you see money as an obstacle or a tool?

If you see money as what stands between you and what you need or desire, you will rarely, if ever, feel as though you have enough to feel adequately safe and secure.

what type of money person are you spender miser slacker hater money personality

Seeing money as a tool to get the things you need or want, is a healthier perspective as it doesn’t take much more than adopting a more positive attitude about money to begin using it more effectively.

What type of money person are you?

Money Spender

You gotta love the money spenders, especially if you’re in a retail business. They love to have things, lots of things, nice, new shiny things. They use money as a therapeutic instrument, if they’re feeling a bit out of sorts, buying something new will make them feel better.

The downside is they are less likely to pay attention to their finances, over-finance, have excessive debt, and file periodic bankruptcies. They’re more likely to overspend and buy things they do not need or will not use. They have the spending part down, not so much the responsibility piece.

Money Spender Tips

    1. Effective budgeting is essential for those inclined to spend freely.
    2. While not every indulgence needs a “no,” it’s crucial to establish limits.
    3. Consider creating a dedicated savings account for new ideas, providing a financial cushion for the next burst of inspiration.

Money Miser

There is no other more frugal person than the money miser, who counts every penny, tucks away money in savings and retirement, is likely rarely buy, but when they do, they’ve clipped coupons in advance or only buy items on sale, seconds or at thrift shops.

The downside is their relationship with money is based on fear and lack. Afraid that at any moment the sky will fall, and they would be devastated. They will often have barely enough to get by, and satisfy their need to hide some money in savings and investments in the hopes that one day, they can retire.

Money Miser Tips

    1. For meticulous money misers, infuse flexibility into your strategies.
    2. While thoroughness is commendable, allow room for adaptability if outcomes deviate from expectations.
    3. Embrace a mindset that acknowledges a “good enough” result, avoiding the pursuit of perfection at the expense of practicality.

Money Slacker

The money slacker avoids anything that has to do with money at any cost. Doesn’t mind spending it, but rarely knows if they can afford whatever it is they’re spending it on. They avoid balancing their checkbook, opening or paying bills, saving or investing money is not on their radar and retirement is, “whatever.”

The downside of money slackers is that it’s hard to even have a conversation about money with them, and dealing with money issues is so far removed from them, that they’d rather do just about anything to avoid opening an envelope to expose a depressing bill. To the money slacker, discussing a budget is considered a brutal attack.

Money Slacker Tips

    1. Seeking support can be transformative for money slackers.
    2. Openly discuss concerns with a friend, fellow business owner, or even a financial therapist if accessible.
    3. Engaging in conversations helps alleviate the paralyzing effects of fears, providing a fresh perspective.

Money Haters

Money haters think there is something inherently evil about money. Those who have it are money-grubbing mongrels, punishing, stealing and living off the blood of the less fortunate and poor. They are not likely to spend money on nice things and see nice things as trappings of the greedy and oppressive wealthy, or the wannabe. They’re more likely to give their money away to good causes or to someone more deserving than themselves.

The downside for the money haters, is that there is nothing for them to fall back on and they’re likely to self-perpetuate their poverty, which to them, is likened to a badge of honor indicating selflessness and martyrdom.

Money Hater Tips

Dealing with individuals who harbor negative views about wealth requires a nuanced approach. Here are some strategies to navigate interactions with such individuals:

    1. Engage in Open Dialogue: Foster open and respectful conversations to understand their perspective better. Ask questions to explore the root of their beliefs about money and wealth.
    2. Highlight Positive Impact: Emphasize the positive contributions that wealth can make to society, such as philanthropy, job creation, and supporting charitable causes. Share examples of successful individuals who use their wealth for the betterment of others.
    3. Educate About Wealth Creation: Provide information about the ways in which wealth can be generated ethically and responsibly. Share stories of entrepreneurs who have built successful businesses while maintaining ethical practices.
    4. Demonstrate Responsible Spending: Showcase responsible and conscientious spending habits that prioritize ethical products, sustainable practices, and support for local businesses. Align your lifestyle choices with values that demonstrate a positive impact.
    5. Engage in Social Initiatives: Actively participate in social initiatives and charitable causes to demonstrate a commitment to making a positive difference. Encourage collaboration and involvement in community-based projects.
    6. Challenge Stereotypes: Challenge negative stereotypes about wealthy individuals by showcasing a diverse range of people who use their resources for positive change. Promote narratives that counteract stereotypes and highlight the multifaceted nature of wealth holders.
    7. Encourage Personal Growth: Inspire personal development and growth, emphasizing the importance of financial literacy and responsible wealth management. Share resources and opportunities for self-improvement.
    8. Respect Differences: Acknowledge and respect differing opinions about wealth without imposing your views. Find common ground on shared values, fostering understanding even if perspectives differ.

Remember, changing deep-seated beliefs takes time and patience. The goal is to create an environment for open dialogue and understanding, fostering a more positive perspective on wealth.

People find they are commonly a combination of two or more money personalities but normally will have one dominant money person type.

 

What type of money person are you?

What Do You Think?

What you think, say and believe about yourself defines who you are. Thoughts and words are so very powerful, that if you could truly grasp the power they wield, you would not use them so haphazardly. Certainly they can be powerful weapons when discharged against others, more powerful than a loaded gun, but what about when you turn those loaded weapons and aim them at yourself?

what do you think positive thinking negative thoughts

Think about these powerful weapons rolling around in your head; what do you allow to occupy this sacred space. There is no more private or intimate space besides your mind – which, by the way, is hardwired to your heart – where your deepest thoughts, dreams, desires, fears and joy resides. You, yes you, have control over what proliferates the confines of your mind and heart. You.

You cannot blame life, life circumstance, any belief system, person, place, parent or thing for what thoughts you allow to persist in your thoughts.

Why must you take control of your thoughts? Because they are so powerful, they manifest in you and attract more of what you think about, causing a great tidal wave of whatever it is you’re thinking about to head your way.

What you’re thinking about yourself is who you become

If you have self image thoughts or self-talk that may not be in your best interest, such as being disappointed in yourself in some way, then you are certainly destined to become the very thoughts that haunt you. Alternatively, the more positive thoughts you engage in about yourself, the more positive the person you are. It’s really that simple.

If you think, “I’m not good enough,” then you are not (or you might be good enough at first blush, but if you continue to entertain the thought that you are not good enough, then it will not be long before you are unworthy of much at all).

Your other negative thoughts about yourself follow suit:

I can’t do it
I have the worst luck
I’m such a loser
I’m not worthy
No one loves me, or alternatively, nobody cares
I hate “my” (or “it, when I”) _______ (fill in the blank)

It is in your best interest to me mindful of how and what you think about because those negative thoughts will steal any hope of having good thoughts, especially about yourself.

If a negative thought is a weapon that steals, then a positive thought is the cure that heals.

Trade Negative for Positive

If you’re having negative thoughts about yourself, all you have to do is to catch yourself thinking the thought – stop – and rephrase the thought as positive self-talk in its opposite. So, I can’t do it becomes, I can do it. I have the worst luck becomes, I have the best luck, etc…

Want to supercharge your transformation, just ramp it up with an immensely positive reframe, like, “I can do it amazingly, better than most people!” Or, “I have the most amazing luck, I always win!”

Why? Because what you think comes to pass. Use these powerful tools not to tear yourself down but to build yourself up, because you are so amazing!

What you’re thinking about everything else grows and becomes more powerful

Here are those powerful thoughts at work again, this time affecting the world around you. If you’re thinking about tortured souls, people, animals you not only attract more of these things to your awareness, but your thoughts create more of it in the world.

Yes, by focusing on the injustices, crimes, disasters and lack (of anything) you actually help to create more of it.

Please, try to stop thinking about bad things, because it only creates more bad things.

What can you do?

Think about the opposite good things, the solutions… and if you’re as amazing as I think you are, start not only thinking but talking to others about the amazing answers that are unfolding, maybe take action. Write a letter to the editor, make a blog post, support or start a movement for good.

By taking a positive approach – and focusing on positive solutions – you become a powerful healing force, creating and making the world a better place.

Think and be what you want to see

And it is so

Enjoy Life Feeling Good People

Enjoy feeling good about living a better life by being one of the good people

Five easy steps leading to you’re enjoying the best this life has to offer, sharing your goodness with others as we all do a little something-something to make the world a better place.

enjoy life feeling good people 5 step feel better 21 day challenge

Be Good

Smile. Treat others with kindness, respect and tolerance. A little tolerance goes a long way. Do not judge other people, their actions. If you feel the inclination to look down at someone, make fun of them or feel anger or resentment welling up inside you, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagine what it must be like to be living their life. Realize that they, just like you, are doing the best they can with what they have. Empathize and send them love instead.

Focus on Good Things

Look for and see the good in all things. Even in the worst of times, be looking for the beauty, the love, the positivity that abounds in all situations, even when it’s difficult to imagine anything good at the time. Do not research, look at, read, listen to or engage in conversation about injustice, tragedy, natural disaster or any other opportunities to be caught up in a whirlpool of negativity. Listen to music that makes you happy (not sad songs), read Chicken Soup for the (fill in the blank) Soul books or any other book that is implicitly positive. Look at images that fill your heart with joy, post them around your house, on Facebook (don’t share anything negative) and at work.

Be Around Good People

The people you surround yourself with carry and maintain a particular vibration. If they have a negative vibration, it is difficult – if not impossible – for them to see the good in any situation. This negative vibration permeates the space around these individuals and is infectious to others. Being around people who talk about or focus on negativity or things that are wrong or bad in the world, lower your vibration. Enough exposure will drag your vibration down to match theirs.

Likewise, spending more time around more positive people who maintain higher, more optimistic vibrations will elevate your vibration to match theirs, as you are in their presence more often. Find new friends who have higher vibrations. Being around good people, who are optimistic, use good words and do good things makes positivity easier.

Do Good Things

Start finding ways to do things that are good. Unsolicited acts of kindness, even if very small, help to make the world a better place. Be polite and courteous. Smile and compliment the cashier, let someone who looks like they’re in a hurry merge in traffic, let someone go before you in the checkout line, tip the waitress, hold the door for someone with their hands full. Look for opportunities to assist others who might need a helping hand, or just a word of encouragement. Make a donation to a worthy cause, help promote a worthy cause or start a worthy cause of your own (only make sure that it, like you, focuses on something good, not bad).

Feel Good Activities

The more you engage in activities that make you feel good, the better you feel. The better you feel, the easier it is to pass your goodness to others. Doing things that make you feel good raises you vibration and affects the vibration(s) of those around you.

As you feel increasingly better because you’re being in the places and participating more in activities that make you feel good, this “good feeling” attracts more good opportunities and circumstances in your life.

21 Day Good Life Challenge

Don’t believe me? I dare you to take the 21 Day Good Life Challenge. Take a 21-day negativity hiatus. Determine to be good for three weeks, starting today. Start each day by looking in the mirror and saying, “I love my life!”* Cut out images that make you feel good and stick them around on your mirror. Tolerate more, focus on good things, spend more time around good people, find opportunities to do good things, and make more time to do the things that bring you joy.

Three weeks of living the good life will raise your vibration enough, you will never want to sink back to where you were before as you being to live a better life the life you always wanted to live and enjoy it more fully every day.

See also: How to be Happy

* Thanks, Adam.

 

Fear of Loss

In life, personal and professional, business and in investments, being afraid to take risk will more often than not hinder your rate of return.

fear of loss investing safe investing conscious investing parable of the talents

I’ve participated in businesses partnerships and organizations that adhered to specific cues, circumstances and cues in their investments so as to reduce the risk of potential loss. This I refer to as the

IF, THEN, ELSE subroutine

It goes something, like this:

We agree to participate in this particular venture with minimal investment and effort. IF there are particular signs that a reasonable profit may be earned, THEN we will have a meeting to see if the signs warrant a further investment of attention and/or cash. ELSE we cut continue to monitor looking for other clues.

There can be many checks and balances running in separate IF, THEN, ELSE subroutines, endlessly cascading to prevent potential loss.

Under these conditions acceptable gains may be realized and losses can be minimized. The people who participate in arrangements, like this, are quite satisfied with mediocre returns on their investments and may be comfort to falling back on settling for a few points of return in a bank savings account, while they wait for their next safe investment opportunity.

While I have joined others in IF, THEN, ELSE agreements, “safe investing” is not my preference (off camera, I might refer to this as, “chicken shit investing”).

In my endeavors, I prefer an ALL IN approach, where I love the project with all my heart, am passionate, proactive, have a high degree of responsibility of success or failure and go full-steam ahead to create an excellent result. This is why entrepreneurship suites me well.
This requires a high degree of self-confidence and does not appeal much to the safe investor. The idea of risking everything for a potential unknown outcome is fraught with fear of danger.

Of course, courageous investing without proper due diligence is folly. That is why I prefer a more conscious approach before going ALL IN on any potential project. For instance, I must love the endeavor, be passionate about it and the project at hand must be in-line with the theme of my life’s journey. So these are some of the questions I might ask before going ALL IN:

  • Is there an opportunity to achieve long-term success?
  • Are there associated activities that will bring me a sense of fulfillment and joy?
  • Can I perform necessary tasks while maintaining a vibratory state of love?
  • While engaged, can I help others achieve their highest and best?
  • Can this project help to make the world a better place?

Of course everyone would have their own independent set of questions to review prior to engaging in a potential project, so yours would more adequately represent your specific life-theme and/or goals.

CONSCIOUS INVESTING takes a great many things into account before making the leap but does take self-confidence and the ability to overcome fear.

The powers managing the United States and our world promote a state of fear because fearful people are easy to manage (“protect”).

Unlike, Jesus, I’m not saying conscious investing is better than safe investing. In His parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) the investors who returned with a 100% rate of return were rewarded, while the safe investor was punished. I’m saying, “It is what it is,” and, “everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have,” without any judgment.

There’s no right way or wrong way, just different strokes for different folks.

Q: Can a safe investor become a conscious investor?

A: Yes, but the work starts within, like all meaningful work. Start with the heart, build self-confidence and overcome fear, while learning, remaining mindful and moving steadily toward your goal.

Q: Is it necessary to become a conscious investor, if I’m not?

A: No. You are not broken. Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are, and you are loved.

Plug In Turn On

Whether in personal or professional life, you excel at certain things because the activities you enjoy maintain a certain vibration. The activity’s vibration matches a vibration within you and as sports professionals say, you are “in the zone.”

When you are in the zone you sort of get lost in the activity. The resonance is such a perfect match to your inner core that it appears to create an effortless vortex and time just fades away as you are immersed in the activity.

This kind of focused attention maximizes your performance and while it feels good to get lost in this particular task, you might consider finding methods to channel it into other portions of life to benefit not only yourself but the community at large.

When you plug into this energy vibration you turn on your pleasure centers and expand your mind’s concentration as you engage in this activity, so finding a method to plug in can affect all areas of your life and increase productivity.

plug in turn on brain chemistry increased concentration creativity unplugged plugged in brain scans the zone

Also note when you plug in and turn on your zone vibration it not only lights up your brain’s processing centers but it simultaneously promotes emotional stability by naturally reducing cortisol (the stress hormone) relieving anxiety, depression and the tendency to feel frustrated or irritated.

Plugging in and turning on for a structured 20 minutes per day can optimize you brain’s chemistry and enhance your personal performance. Think about structuring a break in the middle of the day, or when you’re approaching burnout, unplug from the chaos and plug into the zone for twenty minutes.

When you emerge from your trance of focused concentration following your 20 minute charge, the vibration carries over into the task at hand. You now have an increased clarity and ability to more effectively deal with issues and tasks that were difficult prior to plugging into the zone. The zone vibration will fade commensurate with the more challenging the task at hand might be, but your heightened sense of awareness at the outset may be enough for you to more easily push through the process of dealing with a less than desirable task.

Your freshly recharged state improves mental and physical acuity while enhancing your ability to create offensive strategies rather than being on the defensive. You are calmer and experience a heightened capacity for deescalating potentially stressful circumstances.

Spending time in your vibrational zone also promotes creativity, opening up your subconscious flow to make new connections for problem-solving, looking at things from an alternative perspective leading to inspiration and better creative expression.

Look for clues throughout your day, when you feel a shortage of coping skills or are having feelings of frustration, irritation or feeling anger rearing its ugly head. Try to create an opportunity to take a 20 minute break to plug in and turn on in these moments. Also note the time of day you are having these feelings. You may find scheduling a personal zoning session for that time of day hugely beneficial.

By plugging in and turning on to charge your vibrational inner powerhouse, you not only increase your personal performance but you also enjoy reduction in fatigue and a greater sense of being more effectively present in the moment, with an increased ability to tackle difficult tasks and challenges.

Reinvention Masters

When you’re experiencing success in your marketplace, it is wise to be aware of changes in the wind, while being able to make adjustments to counter any unforeseen major changes in direction or overall weather conditions. Being able to maneuver turbulent waters and reinvent when necessary can help your organization or enterprise weather the storm.

Technologies are constantly changing and loyal consumers are fickle. While you may be today’s rising star, tomorrow you could be a forgotten has been.

The last thing you want to do is to follow in the footsteps of Blockbuster, Borders, Kodak, Pan-Am, Polaroid and/or a bazillion other companies who have crashed and burned – or are currently amidst a downward spiral – due to their inability to be more acutely aware of their surroundings, with enough time, talent, technology and opportunity to make adjustments to their course as needed.

Better by far to adopt strategies including total tear-down and rebuilding on-the-fly, like these companies you may recognize, who had the foresight to innovate, reinvent and adapt:

Apple leads the pack in reinvention reinvent yourself for success think different reinvention masters

Apple

Apple started with stylistic user-friendly PCs then morphed into innovative hand-held devices iPod and iPhone followed by the iPad, the Apple Watch, Enterprise and Siri. Apple remains a leader in innovation, adaptation and exploration of new markets while creating demand for their forward-thinking projects powered by a culture of their unique avid supporter network.

Amazon

Amazon all but decimated the local bookstore by selling books online then expanded into other retail markets as Jeff Bezos desired to sell “everything” via his online portal. Reinvention included entering the manufacturing arena with technology-related products, streaming licensed – and broadcasting original – content, as well as redefining delivery methods of products in America and around the world.

Google

Remember when Google was a search engine? (Of course you do, they still are. In fact, it’s probably how you found this article.) Now, they are so much more as they continue to evolve and reinvent themselves along the way entering technology development, manufacturing of smart phones, hardware and innumerous gadgets for nerds.

Netflix

The innovative efforts of Netflix took a noticeable chunk out to the video rental business by offering DVD rental by mail. By keeping a mindful eye on the emerging video landscape, they were able to jump at the opportunity to join the video-streaming technology in 2007. In 2013 further reinvented Netflix as it began to take on the networks by releasing its own original content for subscribers.

Starbucks

Howard Schultz introduced us to a new and exciting way to experience coffee. Even so, after a while his coffee experience was under attack by major chains and independent entrepreneurs, all who wanted a piece of the Starbucks’ action. Shultz hit the road and discovered that advancements that had been made in recent years allowed clientele and his market to deteriorate. Once he discovered this, he reinvented Starbucks without the advancements, returning it to its original charm and put his company back on the map.

Target

Taking a beating in the big-box market place, Target was losing market share when it decided to reinvent itself by setting Target apart from the other mass retailers, like Walmart and Kmart. By teaming up with fashion designers they were able to introduce value-priced clothing and cosmetics to reposition themselves as being America’s purveyor of affordable chic. Now, faithful consumers refer to the store as Targét.

Toyota

Japanese car company’s Toyopets were not well received by the American audience and when expensive import tariffs were levied against their off-shore vehicles, they set up manufacturing in the USA. By focusing on refining production and engineering capabilities they were able to produce an affordable low mileage and maintenance automobile with a longer lifespan that other vehicles. So as not to lose market share, they expanded their lines to include Lexus’s luxury cars and the Prius.

YouTube

One Valentine’s Day, former PayPal employees decided to launch a video dating site with huge investments. The dating site was an enormous flop, but the video backbone of the system was inherently sound, so rather than tuck their tail between their legs and walk away from their angel investors, they decided to reinvent themselves as a video sharing site that was later acquired by Google to the tune of $1.65 billion.

Just a few examples to keen you up to the idea, it would behoove you not to become complacent in either your personal or professional strategies. You don’t have to take on the responsibility on your own, as you can defer much of it to your team, but you must be plugged in to the heartbeat of your clients, potential clients, and the changing landscape, so as not to be blindsided.

Expectation Imposition

You can try to impose your expectations on another person, but is this really advisable?

I know, I’ve been there, too

I have been in the flow of helping others in counseling, coaching and consulting since high school. In the beginning my work was focused primarily on Christian counseling and I recognized that if it wasn’t impossible to legislate Christian conduct, it would certainly be immoral to attempt to do so. It resonated as true within my sense of being that a person could only conduct their lives in such a way as was congruent with any sense of rationality they could muster based on the individual lives they had lived up to this point in time, or simply put

Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have

counselor coach consultant training counselors coaches consultants

Yet early in my ministry, I kept running into walls and posturing against leadership promoting the idea that certain ideas and expectations should be enforced in order to allow participation in our program. After attempting to find ways to work-around these organized spiritual obstacles unsuccessfully, I determined more secular spiritual endeavors would better suit my ministry.

I mean, really? It appears to me that Jesus had an entirely more radical approach, like, “Love God, mind your own business and don’t screw anybody over” (admittedly, a Masters’ paraphrase, but you get the idea).

As I continued assisting others and later transitioned into training counselors, coaches and consultants, I continued to promulgate the idea that while trying to assist someone along their life’s journey, we should not impose our expectations on the client.

It’s not your life

You can, yeah but, me ‘til you’re blue in the face. I will never concede that you will ever know what’s best for another person. You may have your ideas, and by all means, it is your charge and responsibility to share your ideas, as well as others, to help your client see there are options they might have not considered.

Allow them to make their own way

You must allow them the space to make their own decisions and take their own actions and live out their own lives in their own way.

I have standards

Great; no problem with establishing a target market around the type of individuals you achieve the best results with. You only have a certain number of hours available to help others, it is prudent for you to establish your niche so you can better serve your clients with the resources you have available.

You cannot – and should not – try to be everything to everyone. This will lead to disappointment, discouragement and burnout (the fate of most non-specializing counselors).

If I can see that a client is not a good match for my coaching style, I do not demand they comply with my standards. Instead, I refer them to someone else who is better suited to help them with where they are on their life’s journey. Maybe, at a later date, we will be more compatible.

The easiest sign to identify a novice counselor, coach or consultant, is when he or she says, “I told them what to do and they wouldn’t do it,” with a certain degree of angst. While a more-seasoned professional might say, “I made some suggestions. In my opinion, they did not select the option I might have selected but c’est la vie.”

When someone doesn’t take advice from you and you’ve encouraged him or her to look at all the possible outcomes from various points of view, you might consider applauding them for blazing their own trail, then just sit back and see how their decision works out for them. You might be surprised (as I have been on many occasions) how well things do work out for them, even though you might not have fared as well.

And if things don’t work out for them as well as they’d hoped, for god’s sake do not tell them, “I told you so.” Instead, put yourself in their shoes; how would you feel if you were him or her? A little humility goes a long way. It is not your job to judge, but to empathetically support the client; not to validate your ego-dominated superiority.

Lighten up – Let it be