Expectations in Relationships

Being on the outside looking in at your relationship, you’re likely to see all the superficial things that appear to be contrary to the acceptable view of what a good relationship might look like. When you look at your relationship with your head instead of your heart, you can appear like two people contractually bound to each other, not unlike a prison confinement.

No one wants to be obligated to someone else by contractual agreement. If you’re with someone, and he or she is expecting you to perform or cater to their needs, wants, and desires, you would rather do it because you want to, not out of obligation or fear.

It’s natural to want to impose your expectations onto someone else. If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone with whom you would completely faithful, it’s natural to project your expectation of faithfulness on your partner. Seeing your partner through this filter of expectation can leave you feeling shocked by any indication that he or she may not be as faithful as you had expected.

People are vastly variant, and it is very rare that people will actually be on the same page at the same time, if ever. But you can establish common ground by open communication, sharing and caring, and having a clear understanding of each other and full knowledge about where each of you is.

Deliver the death-blow to any budding relationship by imposing expectations garnered from previous relationships onto your current one. For instance, if your previous partner massaged your feet before going to bed, don’t expect this to come naturally to your new partner. On the other side of the coin, if your previous partner betrayed you, it doesn’t mean your current partner will follow in kind. Everyone is different, and if you have negative expectations, your energetic attention to these details and their red flags may become a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Disappointment and hurt feelings are the rewards for imposed expectations. When you are feeling as though your partner has betrayed you (not met your expectations) it may be time for a heart-to-heart conversation. Note that while people are vastly different, they also change over time, and something that your partner may have done for you in the past, he or she may have outgrown. This type of open communication and renegotiation is something that must be conducted over time, any time you think your partner may have acted in some way that you didn’t expect.

Just because you thought someone was going to act/think/believe/be a certain way, doesn’t mean they are the way you perceived them to be. Even if you’ve agreed and pledged to treat each other in certain ways, this does not consider the potential for growth, change, or evolution.

Growth necessitates change, and if anything is constant in life, change is. The best way you can position yourself in an ever-changing world is to embrace change and to find a way to accept change when the time for it has come.

Your expectation to know certain things about your partner may both say something about your underlying need to know or have proof of something, and if your partner is feeling the need to not disclose something may say something significant about him or her. All this points toward a need to have a potentially difficult conversation to maintain a healthy couple connection.

Who knows?

If you are able to manage having a realistic relationship, accepting the potential for growth and change, without unreasonable expectations, you may find yourself entering new territory. The territory which leads to awakening to true love, unconditional love, if you dare.

How to Deal with Selfishness

You might think you’re dealing with a narcissist, but you might just be dealing with someone who is selfish. Ask yourself is this a narcissist or selfish person?

Selfish people are self-centered, putting their needs, wants, and desires before others, and they’re less likely to concern themselves with the needs of others. So, before you jump to the conclusion that you’re dealing with a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath, consider you might just be face to face with someone who is selfish.

And being selfish is not all bad. Some of the healthiest people are selfish. It takes a degree of selfishness to make sure you’re looking after your own needs, because if you don’t look after you, then who will?

Being selfish enough to look after your own needs is something you might need to so, especially if you’re in the habit of caring for others or putting the needs of others before your own needs. This can lead to unhealthy martyrdom, which is unnecessary self-punishment and does not serve you well.

There is a delicate balance between selflessness and selfishness which a healthy person needs to maintain, just as there is a thin line between selfishness and narcissism, as well as narcissism and sociopathy.

Just because selfishness is a component of those on the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum, doesn’t mean they are suffering from ASPD, they might just be selfish. It’s hard to believe that anyone is not selfish these days because our society trains us to be selfish.

How to deal with selfishness

First, try to understand that we’re all in this together. We are born selfish. It is a survival instinct. We are taught how to share and care for others as young people in training, though some of us were raised devoid of this training.

None of us is better than anyone else, and if someone is being selfish, it may be part of their survival instinct. If someone has not always been selfish, then suddenly acts out as being extremely selfish, if you dig deeper, you will find the causality of the selfishness.

Selfishness can be situational or a temporary response to being in fear, or an act of self-preservation. You see the selfishness response in those who have been victimized, in physical or emotional pain, or facing challenges with safety, well-being, survival, or mortality.

Left to itself, selfishness could overtake someone completely, or after time, they could find balance, once they have provided for themselves a sense of safety and security. Being selfish does not make you a bad person.

Remember that when a selfish person is protecting themselves, it’s about them, not you. It’s easy to think that they are directing their selfishness at you by imposing their wants, needs, and desire over yours, or not having any concern for you whatsoever, but in reality, they may just be weak and hurting people, taking care of themselves in the only way they know how.

Being in close proximity of someone who is damaged but protecting his or her self by becoming severely self-centered, assuring they are invulnerable as they heal, can make you feel like a victim, but he or she is just doing the best he or she can to keep safe, while they grow in their personal strength and heal from the wounds from his or her past.

What if someone thinks you’re being too selfish? Often, we ourselves exert enough selfishness, for whatever reason, which can make someone in your circle of friends think you’re being too selfish. If someone speaks up, this is an opportunity for you to query about yourself. Ask him or her, “What makes you think I’m being selfish?” and, “How could I have done it better?”

You may come across as being selfish, when your motives are pure, you are exercising diligence, persistence, and even commitment to servitude. In other circumstances, you might be protecting yourself from potential perceptions of threat or danger, whether real or perceived.

We all need to be selfish sometimes to get the important things in life done.

Even putting the needs of others before other people in our life, which looks like selfless servitude, can actually be a selfish act.

Just try to remember, there is healthy selfishness, and you are never victimized by another person’s selfishness unless you’re suffering at the hands of a predatory sociopath or psychopath.

See also: 10 Signs You Might Be Too Selfish

 

Vibrational Sabotage

You’re on a path which includes increasing your vibrational frequency, you might be surprised at the vibrational sabotage you are participating in which prevents you from raising your vibration. If the higher vibration is that of love, not being in the love-vibration is keeping you where you are.

If you ever want to know what level of vibration you are at, just look around you. The world as it appears to you, all around you, what you notice, and how you feel is the perfect representation at what level you are vibrating at.

vibrational sabotage

Making decisions in your life based on fear, rather than love, you are cementing yourself at the lower vibrational levels of fear instead of the power of love, where you want to be.

Thought patterns which vibrate in fear go something, like this, “I need something that I don’t have, and I can’t find it anywhere within my reach.” Now you can readjust that powerfully fearful statement of lack by replacing “something” with anything which eludes you, like any physical or material thing, monetary status, social standing, emotional state, state of health or wellness, specifically.

When you think thoughts from an emotional state of lack or fear, you are locking yourself into that lower vibration. A short list of other states of mind which are in the vibration of fear includes anger, suspicion, distrust, anxiety, worry, envy, and comparing yourself and your situations and circumstances with others.

Anything which is not fueled by your pure unconditional love for yourself and others and has an underlying emotional state of not having enough, being unworthy, or feeling as though what you want or what you need is just beyond your reach, you anchor yourself in fear resigning yourself to the struggle for survival.

You are surrounded by, and bombarded with, a constant flow of negativity. Even if you are in a love-or-powerful-vibration, it doesn’t take much negativity to break your state and send you straight into a lower vibration.

For instance, assume you’re watching a positively impactful television program which has your vibration soaring, then during the commercial break, you are exposed to shocking video of starving children or abused animals. This kind of thing happens all day long, at home, during your commute, at work, around the water cooler, from the time you get up ‘til you finally get to sleep. And then, even during sleep, your dreams are invaded by negativity.

Subjecting yourself to negative programming on TV or other streaming media is sure to keep you in those lower vibration, especially if it is violent in nature is vibrational sabotage. When you start paying attention to the vibration of your television programming, you might be shocked by how negative the programming can be in comedies and romantic films and shows, all which will sabotage your vibrational frequency.

Toxic or closed-minded people and their negative topics of conversation, talking behind other people’s backs, discussing what’s wrong with the world, judging others, promoting separation, even talking about how miserable someone’s life is, all can be sabotaging your vibration.

Personal compromise can cause your vibration to sink, rather than staying true to your core values. You know you’re better than this, yet here you are engaging in an activity which does not resonate with you. You can’t help but feel as though you are either being forced to do this or have to fake as though you might agree with this thought or act which you know is beneath you. Find ways to let go of feeling like you need to be sneaky, lie, cheat, steal, withhold information, or cover your ass.

Mind-numbing activities, such as losing yourself in the maze of the Internet, meaningless video games, social media, or streaming media, which just waste away your potentially precious moments of life, all sabotage your vibration.

Other mind-numbing activities which include drinking alcohol, partaking of mind-numbing prescription medications, or getting stoned, all prevent you from being in powerful vibrational states of love and above.

These mind-numbing activities may or may not lead to addiction, which certainly is a concern if you’re interested in not sabotaging your vibration. Other addictive behaviors which may be forms of vibrational sabotage include addiction to drugs, sex, gambling, food, shopping, cell phone interaction, social media, complaining, television viewing or streaming media.

These are just some of the ways you subject yourself to vibrational sabotage which is toxic, thwarting your attempts to attain and maintain higher vibratory states.

You can avoid vibrational sabotage by letting your love filled heart guide you, trusting that all things which you subject yourself to are divine in nature and for your good, even if it doesn’t look like it at the time.

A life lived in the higher vibrational state(s) of love and above, is a life of peace, harmony, ease, and abundance. Raise your vibration and enjoy all the best things this life has in store for you.

You and Your Puppets

There is you. Then, there is the “you” which you present to others. No one knows the real you, except for you, and you create a disguise which you operate, like a puppet, to present to the world. After one realizes the efficacy of puppeteering, you create an army of puppets to represent yourself in any situation and circumstance.

You expend a great deal of effort adorning your puppet(s) to present to particular audiences. You clothe and accessorize and present each puppet in such a way to have a particular impact on others, or to get what you want or need from others to make you feel good about yourself.

Masquerading is an effective way to interact with the world, but it doesn’t work that well with you, because you know the real you who dresses up your puppet(s), surrounds him/her with supporting evidence. You adorn your puppet’s environment to validate his/her personality by decorating his/her home, earning certificates and take taking photos to hang on the wall, driving a particular kind of vehicle, and a myriad of other supporting evidence to in essence prove to the world that your puppet is the real deal.

You’re constantly looking for new ways to support the identity of your puppet. Every time you think this is the one thing that will finally cement your puppet’s identity, it satisfies for a moment, then you discover it just didn’t quite accomplish you intended purpose, like you thought it would. So, you seek out another piece of supporting evidence.

You surround your persona with collections of supporting evidence which could be anything from material items to acts of service to others, or even vices or debilitating disease. All in an effort to convince the world to accept the identity you’ve designed for yourself. But no matter how hard you try, you know this is all an act. Regardless of how much time, effort, and finances you’ve dedicated for supporting your persona, as pretty or magnificent it is, you know it is all a worthless façade.

Then there is the most valuable and precious activity of life, and that is the real and authentic personal work performed by and on the behalf of the puppeteer. Unlike the things you do to support the identity of your puppet(s), the effort you put forth to support your true self which stays hidden from the external world, it is the best and most intimate thing you can do for yourself. This is your deep inner work.

There is great contrast between your deep inner work which cannot be seen by others, and the external representation of yourself which can be acknowledged and revered by others. The support and admiration you received from others creates an addiction to the maintenance of your façade, which clouds your judgment, preventing you from seeing the value in expending efforts to conduct your intimately private deep inner work.

Once you start to look deeply inside yourself, if you dare, you can start adorning your inner self, the real you, with mindfulness, self-care, support, therapy, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Just as you adorn your public persona(s), you beautify your inner self, connecting to that greater part of you which is a higher energetic vibration than could ever be represented by any material possession.

Nothing gives you such lasting satisfaction as doing your deep inner work. And as you conduct this deeply personal and intimate work on yourself, you can influence your persona(s) in ways that can offer glimpses of the changes taking place inside the puppeteer.

These subtle nuances cannot be hidden, as they can be seen by the trained eye, every time you pull a string, redecorate the surroundings, or operate your puppet.

Empowered by the energy emitted from your heart of hearts, your deep inner work begins to affect the world around you in even the smallest of ways like a pebble creating a ripple effect which radiates throughout the otherwise still pond of life.

You are love. Embracing your love life, loving yourself, all the deeply intimate and harrowing parts of yourself as all being in divine order, is the greatest love-work of all.

You are doing it. As you do, you create hope and inspire others to shift the focus of their lives from keeping up appearances to focusing within, and life by life, heart by heart, the world evolves and becomes a better place.

God bless you for all that you do.

May 2018 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of May, here’s a quick screenshot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

Social Prison of the Mind The Difference Between Support and Advice Unintentionally Hurt Someone
Do You Have a Closed Mind or an Open Mind? Surviving Abuse in Grace Grief and Grieving
Domination Oxytocin Awakening Love Invisible Ties that Bind
The Man Who Didn’t Believe in Love I Am Evil and Hatred I need your help. What should I do?
You Never Do Love Wrong My Partner’s Ex Keeps Coming Up Infectious Toxicity in Relationships
Make Someone Love You Red Flag Obsession Accepting Responsibility and Change
Who Are You Under Pressure? You can’t expect someone else’s love to make you feel loved Who Do You Look Up To?
The Scorpion and the Frog Grandparenting It’s Your Fault Mom and Dad
Dare to Be You Should You Be in Prison? A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
Thank You for Loving Outside the Box

 

 

Social Prison of the Mind

If you know someone who is comfortable inside the box dictated by our socially engineered lives, after you have spent some time in exploration outside the box, sharing your ideas, feelings, and data obtained outside with someone inside, this conversation can be difficult at best.

Society imprisons us by structural cages of thought which are more effective high levels of containment than any bars of any cell in any prison. When you put a prisoner behind bars, he or she longs for the life which exists on the other side of the bars.

How more effective would it be if you could make the prisoner believe that life on the other side of the bars would cause him or her to burst into flames and experience painful longsuffering death. If you could do this, then managing prisoners could be very easy. If effectively administered, with this level of fear, you would not even need bars at all.

You could paint a line on the floor and condition a prisoner to believe that crossing the line will cause him to burst into painful flame. Just in case the prison thinks there is the potential of a greater life on the other side of the line, all you have to do is to show him a dancing flame with a soundbite of agonized screaming, and the fear is reignited. The prisoner rejects the thought of life on the other side of the line.

After a while, you can even eliminate the line as a boundary, because the prisoner knows anything “over there” is flaming pain and death.

While this may sound ridiculous on the surface, this is the life that peoples of the world live in the prisons of their minds every minute of every day.

Social engineering constructs the invisible cells of our minds which are the highest level of containment, reinforced by fear. To keep you from thinking outside the cell or box, the boundaries of the perimeters are shown a dancing and screaming flame on the television, or via some other media, to keep us afraid of thinking outside the box.

There are so many sequential layers of the fear. Fear of not being accepted or loved. Fear of not being clothed, fed, or a roof over your head. Fear of pain or being punished. Fear of being prevented from having the experiences you desire.

Speaking of desire, even what you want can be dictated by the social engineers. How impressive is that?

There are socially-engineered acceptable methods of getting what you want. Any method of attaining those things which you desire outside the commonly held view of what is acceptable is confusing or rejected by those who safely reside inside the social prison.

Some methods will be punished by law, and others are disregarded as freak accidents, such as being hit by lightning or winning the lottery.

Acceptable methods would include, going to school, followed by secondary education, working very hard in a professional trade for which you have paid to be trained, and keeping one’s self focused on the things you desire, in a high level of debt, while maintaining a reasonable credit score.

This is the society of consumers which has been socially engineered.

Managing a consumer’s indebtedness can be a difficult balancing act, so there has been a mechanism initiated by the engineers whereby if a consumer has gotten out of control, every once and a while, an indebted consumer can start the cycle over again by filing bankruptcy, because having a hoard of active consumers is far more critical to the operation of the social machine than actually paying one’s debts.

Yet, every now and then, someone gets a glimpse of life outside the box.

Even though it is frightening, more and more of us, are questioning the socially-engineered prisons of our minds and daring to explore life outside the box.

The Difference Between Support and Advice

When you’re feeling challenged in life, it’s good to talk to someone to get support and advice but keep your wits about you. While Proverbs asserts there is wisdom and success the counsel of many it’s important to know the difference between support and advice.

It’s not good for you, or anyone, to keep your thoughts and emotions bottled up inside where emotional wounds can fester, get infected and spread their destructive poison.

When you’re talking to friends, especially those who are good at being supportive and/or empathetic, you might mistake the good support of a friend for advice. Try to remember there may be a dramatic difference between support and advice.

Support validates your feelings, friends who empathize with you understand and can even feel your feelings about the subject at hand. They support how you feel and agree with your point of view. If this is confused as advice, it can cement your position. This can lock you into a single perspective on a particular issue, and while you may feel better in the interim, this is probably not serving your highest and best.

The caveat regarding confusing support with advice is an important distinction because doing so can lead to dire results and is often the basis of enabling someone instead of healthfully or positively advising someone you care about.

Advice is best when the advisor challenges your point of view or position, encouraging you to take a look at your situation from different perspectives. Instead of blanketly agreeing with your, feeling sorry for you, making fun of your situation, or devaluing the other participants, situations, or circumstances, they challenge you.

Good advice comes from those who ask you to consider what it might like to be the other players in your situation or circumstance?

Or how might you have done it better?

Most of the time, when you’re feeling upset, all you need to do is to talk to someone, in an effort to get it off your chest, blow off steam, or let out some frustration. A good friend can help you to laugh at or find humor in even the most tragic circumstances. You’re not looking for advice. In fact, if all you’re doing is to look for someone to listen to you, attempt to understand, or support you, and if they hit you with a barrage of advice, this can be offensive.

It may be abrasive, may even feel like an assault, feeling as though someone is trying to tell you what to do, or control you, when they give advice, when all you were looking for was someone to talk to. Someone who could listen to what you have to say without judgment or advice.

Keep this in mind when someone wants to talk to you. Unless they specifically ask you for advice, they might just be coming for you to talk. And in these moments, the best thing you can do is to actively listen to what he or she is saying, to be supportive, and attempt to understand or feel what it might be walking in his or her shoes.

This is especially hard for me. Since most of the time, when people come to me, they are seeking advice, I just assume that’s why people talk to me, so I start to advise, even when I was never asked for advice. This presumptive position is erroneous on my part, and I need to work on trying to understand and know the difference between establishing if someone wants advice or just wants to talk it out.

Especially when someone is in crisis, its best to start with active listening and supporting only offering five words of your own, then following up later with more objective approaches.

The basic rule of thumb is, if someone is just sharing their story or feelings with you, and they have not asked for your advice, they just want someone to listen and be supportive. It seems like an over-simplification, but it’s true. And it might be harder than it sounds.

Especially if a friend is sharing a story which makes you feel sorry for, upset, or you are empathetically feeling your friend’s feelings and you want to help. You want to offer advice in an effort to alleviate your friend’s pain or angst. Resist doing so if they have not asked you for your help. Your help is best offered in the form of listening and supporting, not trying to advise.

When you are ready to seek advice, it’s good to collect input and data from a variety of sources representing different ideas and perspectives before deciding on a course of action, this is where there is wisdom and success for those who consult with a multitude of advisors.

No one can tell you what to do, all they can do is to share their ideas or feelings based on their experience(s) from their own perspective. Seeing any challenge or situations from many vantage points is beneficial for you, and there is indeed wisdom in doing so.

Unintentionally Hurt Someone

Sometimes things are said, decisions are made, actions are initiated that help you to create the sacred space you need to progress forward on your life’s mission. Life goes on, and periodically, we unintentionally hurt someone by our decisions or actions, and this is no fault of yours.

You’ve been true to yourself and said or done the things which were necessary for your survival or growth, and you never have to apologize for doing what is right for you in any moment because your responsibility is to care for yourself. If you do not look after yourself, who will?

And if you think about it, you’ve probably been hurt by someone else unintentionally.

When you become aware of how your decisions, words, or deeds have affected someone negatively your inner self can start to put you down or make you feel guilty. Guilt does not serve you, but if you can switch the mode from guilt (which is destructive) to remorse all you must do is to learn from this experience, forgive yourself, and move on.

To do so, realize that you are not broken, are not in need of fixing, and accept that sometimes shit happens. Don’t listen to or accept abuse from your inner voice, you are perfect in every way, even if you do make mistakes, or if someone is hurt unintentionally by anything you said or did.

You didn’t do anything wrong and you are not a bad person. There was no malice in your action because you are a being of love and wouldn’t do anything intentionally to hurt anyone. Even if someone else sees something that you’ve said, thought, or done as “bad” you are not bad, and that was clearly not your intention. Things happen, and it is what it is. That is all.

Seek to speak to someone empathetic to your plight. Their understanding and support can help to reduce the negative energetic impact of this particularly confusing state of mind. You might attract someone who can lend you a different perspective on the issue enabling you to see the situation from a different point of view. All valuable data to take away from this episode adding to your knowledge base and increased awareness. Something to keep in mind if you face a similar situation in the future.

Sometimes your personal network will give you the support you desire, and it never hurts to engage the efforts of a third-party counselor, consultant, or coach for a sound aerial perspective and objective view.

If your inner critical voice is running amok, you might want to have a talk with yourself and consider more confident self-talk.

Remaining open-minded rather than closed-minded will allow you to look for clues to uncover the hidden treasure(s) in this seemingly unfortunate episode of your life, for within each conflict there is a valuable lesson to be learned if you are open.

If your seeking within to find rhyme or reason in an effort to make sense of all this comes up blank, think of you from your higher perspective watching the whole scenario from a higher vantage point. Then ask yourself for advice. What advice might you give yourself, or someone you cared deeply about, who might have found himself or herself in the very same situation?

If you still think you don’t know, how would you answer if you did know?

You must find the wherewithal to forgive yourself for unintentional casualties of your decisions. Unforgiveness and allowing yourself to suffer in guilt is self-abuse, destructive, and will cause your immune system to deteriorate rapidly.

Forgiving yourself allows you to go forward in love, more aware, achieving your highest and best, continuing on your path to a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

God bless you. You are forgiven.

Do You Have a Closed Mind or an Open Mind?

We all probably feel as though we are generally open-minded. Generally. Do you have a closed mind or an open mind?

Success in life generally finds itself in the company of the open-minded individuals while it is more elusive for those with closed minds. Knowing your propensity for having either a closed mind or open mind might give you insight into your level of struggle for survival or tendency to have life evolve more naturally.

For instance, if you are more likely to seek to be understood rather than the need to understand others, you’re probably less open-minded than you might think you are.

When encountering a person with a difference of opinion, are you more likely to try to understand why they feel the way they do? Or do you try to convince him or her that you’re more knowledgeable and have a greater sense of expertise about the subject at hand?

An open-minded person is more interested in hearing, understanding, and may be interested in trying to understand how it might feel for someone else to have a different perspective. While a closed-minded person will assert his or her beliefs.

“I already know that.”

When someone tries to tell a closed-minded person something they already possess some knowledge about, they are likely to cut them off mid-share with, “I already know that.” In contrast, if the open-minded person knows a lot about a subject, they are willing to ask questions and listen to information, even if it represents knowledge they already possess, with the chance that they may uncover a previously undiscovered nugget or idea to consider.

A closed-minded person will state facts and statistics, rather than ask exploratory questions, like an open-minded person.

Opinions and thinking are the inalienable rights of the closed-minded person, while open-minded people are more concerned about learning more about the opinions of others and how they feel about things.

An open-minded person is always interested in raising their knowledge or awareness, with a hint of the potential knowingness of the possibility of believing something that might be expanded upon or even be wrong. Truth evolves over time. That’s why they’re more apt to be so inquisitive, as opposed to being stuck in their ways.

Open-minded people can contemplate two opposing ideas for a period of time, filtering, balancing, and comparing them to each over for a while, instead of quickly adhering to a single thought, belief, or perspective without being open to new ideas or information.

A closed-minded person is more apt to interrupt or talk-over those who are attempting to communicate their thoughts on any given subject. They are content with hearing their own voice and exerting their expertise. What others think is of little interest to them, which could create a potentially toxic energy in relationships.

Wrong-But Maneuver

If you’re a closed-minded person who wants to come off as an open-minded person, you may use the “wrong-but maneuver.” That is, to exert a bit of superiority while coming off as being understanding, like saying,

“I might be wrong, but…”

then exerting your opinion, belief, or highly regarded statistical data.

Close-minded people exert their superiority and do not engage in discussion or battles that might challenge their beliefs.

Open-minded people are more likely to exert their humility rather than their superiority.

People who are more likely to be open-minded often have a past which includes failures from which they have learned valuable lessons, while the closed-minded individual is hardly able to admit to having made mistakes in the past.

Closed-minded people are more likely to claim they have been victimized or blame others for what might have been considered a failure.

If you’re seeing some of the signs of being closed-minded in yourself, don’t be too concerned about it because you can become more open-minded, but not if you don’t know.

Most closed-minded people have no idea that they are. In most cases, they think they are completely open-minded. Seeing the inconsistency within yourself can be the key to overcoming closed-mindedness.

And if you’re open-minded, there is no judgment for those who are closed-minded, they are only doing the best they can with what they have. Maybe one day, they can change. If they don’t, it’s okay.

It takes all kinds to make the world go ’round. We all have different parts we play in the symphony of life.

Surviving Abuse in Grace

For the exceptional survivors of abuse, they are surviving abuse in grace, achieving their highest and best, living their best life, and making the world a better place. You could join their ranks if you so desire.

One day you wake up and realize you cannot go on another day, trying to convince yourself that you are living a normal life, when the truth is, you’re willingly subjecting yourself to emotional and/or physical abuse. Looking at your life from some vantage point outside of your self-made prison walls, you can see your previous denial and captivity, and you ask yourself what can I do about it?

In this lucid moment, you can shrink yourself back down into your previous state of denial and allow yourself to suffer even more because it is what you know. The abusive relationship feels like home, even if it is incredibly painful and destructive.

Somehow you feel like this is the life you deserve in some way because you feel unworthy of a happy and healthy life. So, you resign yourself to accept this as your lot in life and continue to pretend as if this is your destiny and continue to submit to your own self-victimization. Even so, there is a part of you following your momentary lucidity, which acknowledges that all you would have to do to live a better life would be to remove yourself from the abuse.

The abuse you subject yourself to could be at the hands of another but there is a far more pervasive abuser to whom you could submit yourself to. It is much more difficult to separate or protect yourself from the abuser who does not come from without but within. Nobody can abuse you worse than you can abuse yourself.

When the abuse from without meets the abuser from within face to face, sometimes it can be too much for a person to handle. If embracing the possibility of an epiphany is not an eminent option, the pain can be so overwhelmingly great, that notwithstanding another day can feel like the only way to stop it would be to stop another day from coming, leading to suicidal thoughts.

If you can find hope within yourself, you can begin to see where you are is not where you wanted to be. If you can reclaim a vision of the life you wanted, the one you intended to have and can see how you are living a life in conflict to your calling, you can take the time to revisit your initial idea of what a good life might be for you.

In this moment, the you that has submitted yourself to abuse dies, you no longer have to be a shock absorber, and you are reborn as the child of God you were originally born to be.

You have lived a great deal of life not respecting the divine life which is your calling. While you have been reborn, there is some work that needs to be done to figure out how to rectify the life you’ve lived up to this point in time. Not doing the work will suppress the emotions which could be detrimental you living a healthy life,

Thankfully, if you have access to the Internet, there are many resources available for you to get a grip on your new life and how to overcome the victimization you’ve subjected yourself to in the past enabling you to heal and grow.

The key which unlocks the treasure chest of your divine life is the realization and acceptance that while it appears that you have deviated from your life path by subjecting yourself to abuse, in fact, the abuse has indelibly provided you with the exact education, skills, abilities, and experience you need to go forth, fully empowered to live not only a better life, but your best life, and make the world a better place.

Nothing happens by coincidence or accident. Look for ways to uncover the treasures hidden in the experiences you’ve endured to reach this pivot point in your life. If you allow yourself to step back from the perspective of victimhood, and to see it from a more divine perspective, you can see how you can come out of this life of training to be fully equipped to live your best life and now are more qualified to impact others in a positive way. No one is more fully qualified than you because no one has endured what you have, and if they have, you are the only living person who can offer them hope of a better life.

As you heal and grow you can see more clearly how you were so blessed to endure the life you’ve led up to this point and how you could not have such a bright future awaiting you without having been so exquisitely educated by your unique experience(s).

As you move on from your previous life it is a good idea to mark the segmentation of your new life from the old with a period of grieving. It may include taking a time of sabbatical to grieve, heal, and let go of the past. Forgiving yourself and preparing yourself for moving on takes as long as it takes, and there is no right way or wrong way to do this. It is unique to you. Take as long as you need for this transformative process. It doesn’t matter what other people think, or if they judge you in the process.

When you are ready, you can allow the new you to fully emerge.

Will it be easy? Probably not. You will face new opportunities and challenges along the way, but you find satisfaction and peace that you are more prepared than ever to face whatever you encounter on the road ahead.

Your new life will have new friends, new players, as you go forth in a new direction. It is easy to feel like the lone wolf, but life will bring to you new faces and personalities. Some will need you, some will support you, and others will challenge you along the way, but all are there for increasing your highest and best potential.

Celebrate the new you, honor your past and retain all the blessings, lessons, and wisdom which has been bestowed upon you.

You are so amazing.