Make a T Chart

A great method for determining what is in your best interest, using a T chart is an easy way to logically evaluate the weighing of pros and cons in any situation when making a decision and taking any particular resulting action may have far reaching results and/or consequences.

I use this method with my clients as well as in my personal life. It’s a good way to keep your linear wits about you when your heart and/or feelings may not be reporting proper resonance in the particular moment in time (which is one of my personal weaknesses).

Using a T chart is easy and can make all the difference both in the short run and the long run.

The only tools you need to use a T chart is a piece of paper and a writing instrument for weighing out the pros and cons of any situation, challenge or obstacle that you face.

On your piece of paper, simply draw one line across the top and a vertical line down the middle forming a T. On one side of the page list all the positives and on the other side the negatives. This can be immensely valuable when considering any upcoming action or decision that you might be facing.

Let’s say you’re offered a good job with benefits in another city and state requiring relocation. You proceed by drawing your T and writing “My New Job” at the top. On the left list the positives, on the right the negatives (or switch up left and right, whatever feels best to you). By reviewing your resulting lists, side-by-side, you are able to see which way you should lean in your decision-making process.

You could apply this method to anything such as

  • What would be the best kind of pet for me?
  • Where should I plan my next vacation?
  • Who should I spend my time with?
  • Where should I live?
  • What occupation is best for me?
  • How should I invest my money?
  • What should I do when facing a challenge?
  • How should I handle distractions?

The T chart is not the end-all-be-all in decision-making, it is only a tool used to evaluate and weigh the pros and cons in any given circumstance. It can also be used in other ways.

I used this method to create my Soul Mate List, where I utilized a T chart to review previous relationships.

The first list was a T chart consisting of all the things I didn’t like about my past romantic relationships, which I listed on the left-hand column. Then on the other side, opposite the negative items, I re-framed the negative into a positive attribute. For instance, if in the left-hand column it said, “Can’t be trusted,” opposite the negative statement, I would notate the positive virtue on the other side, like, “Can always be trusted.”

Using a T chart in this way helped me to re-frame and focus on the attributes I sincerely desired, not the negative ones which would only bring me more of the same.

Write the Greatest Love Story Ever

When you think about the greatest love stories of all time, certain love icons come to mind such as Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere, Mark Anthony and Cleopatra and Tristan and Isolde. While stories, like these, mesmerize the minds of many a lover over time to seek out relationship potentials similar to what are known as the greatest love stories, a closer look at these stories reveals they may not have been all they were cracked up to be and certainly are not really good examples of relationships to model in real life.

In case you haven’t noticed, the ends of these stories are more often than not terrifyingly tragic. Who wants to sign on for that? Don’t most of us lean more toward the idea of a happily ever after as a consequence of our greatest love of all time?

I think most of us could agree, if we were to write our own love story it would come to a glorious conclusion full of trustworthiness, faithfulness, shared vision, true love and happiness with a bit of adventure thrown in for flavor, leading to a happily ever after type of ending. This sounds much more appealing to me than those aforementioned heralded greatest love stories which did feature passionate love affairs (a necessary component to any tale of true love) but the story rapidly devolves into dysfunction and death not only of the love affair but the death of one or both of the lovers.

It is all so dramatic, as if the most sought-after love is so impossible that the only price to pay is to sacrifice one’s own life for hope of experiencing a brief passionate love. Really?

While we might reside ourselves to believe that God the Almighty writes the story which we all must follow or our fates are written in the stars, the truth of the matter is this:

You are the author of your own love story

So, you best start writing the love story that you want to experience. Your story can take a dramatic twist with the lover you are now engaged in a relationship with, or you can begin to attract the love you desire in any way you see fit as you are the author of your own love story.

First off, forget those famous love stories with all that drama leading to loss of life. This is your chance to write the perfect love story using characters already at your disposal or with an entirely new cast. The choice is yours.

You can write in all the passion and romance you’ve ever desired without all the drama. You can share a co-creative life experiencing all the best things this life has to offer and you can write the happiest of endings as you walk hand-in-hand into the sunset together in loving celebration of a life well lived.

To do justice to your new story, remember to retain the learning from your previous experiences without carrying the negative energy associated with your past. Though you may have gone through negative experiences keep in mind that these events were only put in your life to help you focus intently – not on what you don’t want (because that will only bring you more of the same) – on what you truly desire as you highest and best.

Start writing about your perfect lover; How will you meet? What will he or she look like? What will their life be like? What are the key characteristics to look for? So that when he or she appears in your life, you will know that he or she is the one based on the character study of your true love.

Keep in mind that while perfection may be too much to expect in this incarnation, allow room for characteristics which may be negotiable, while other may remain deal-breakers. Stay focused but have an open mind regarding the many possibilities which are even now approaching your horizon as you write.

Allow room in your story for unexpected changes and challenges as these lead to increasing the possibility of even greater love as you go through these experiences together, strengthening your bond and commitment. The key is to share the experience fully together, ready for any upset and able to do what is necessary to make it to the other side. What waits on the other side of these obstacles and challenges will exceed all your expectations for having the greatest love of all.

Your romance can – and should be – full of sustained enthusiastic joy and happiness. Happiness does not have to be a temporary state of mind, as you may have thought in the past or read about in other stories. You, as the author of your own true love story, have the advantage of holding the writing instrument firmly in your own hand, no one else is forcing you to write anything, write from your heart and continue to write until all your hopes and dreams begin to materialize.

When faced with a challenge, weigh all your options, make a decision based on what resonates with your heart and makes you feel good. What things are good, lovely, inspirational, expressing joy and happiness; use these criteria to base your decisions on.

In those love stories celebrated as the greatest, often includes betrayal as a key component which could affect your story in a negative manner. Your love interest need not be forbidden, in a relationship with someone else (even though there may be a degree of excitement associated with exercising a lurid affair), or promised to another. It may be in your best interest to attract someone who is authentically available and not involved with another. You can write your love interest as one who is pure and truly available to be yours and yours alone, if that is the true nature of your desire. This will assure a solid foundation for the fulfillment of your future love story.

Think on these things as you write your true love story and watch the details appear and play out throughout your life’s journey. Your story has been quite a ride up to this point, now it is time that you craft and experience the greatest love story of all time.

This love story is yours and yours alone and even greater than any love story told.

Save Your Business Ship

So you’ve jumped into the sea of business and you suddenly discover you’re in treacherous water and your abilities to navigate your business ship begin to come into question. It doesn’t take long and you realize you could have been a little more prudent before launching your maiden voyage to have a handle on what lies ahead.

Nonetheless, wherever you are on your business journey, you can start taking steps to track your business, analyze our time and optimize the processes and procedures which yield the greatest return on your investment dollar, thereby maximizing your bottom line.

Let’s face it, the longer you can sustain your foray into business, the more time you will have to tweak your systems and increase your likelihood of success in your venture.

Here are some of the things you may be able to take a look at, which can make subtle differences yet yield positive impact and increasing cash flow while optimizing the operation of your business in real time.

1. Opt out of services that have no positive impact on your business

As burgeoning business people, we enthusiastically tend to join organizations, enroll in programs and manage a number of subscriptions to services with the best of intentions, thinking that this-or-that will help to bring potential clients or increase our value in the community.

You may be paying for a service that you’re not equipped to take advantage of at the moment. No need to pay for it while you wait for the planets to align.

Take this time to review these types of programs which consume your valuable resources but offer no return on your investment.

You can always opt back in when you’re in a better position to take action and reap the rewards, otherwise, cancel.

You may also be able to streamline processes by grouping them into one service which encompasses the features of many services you are presently using. This type of consolidation is in the best interest of your business while reducing administrative costs by reducing the number of accounts being managed and increasing your bottom line.

Though it may make you feel uneasy at first, because you have been led to believe that you need a particular product or service, letting go of the dead weight will yield a demonstrable benefit to your organization that can be measured in additional resources, production and/or cash flow.

Once you start paying attention to the details of your business, you will be on the lookout for new products and services which will help to optimize your operations even more, as more and more service begin to appear on the horizon to replace outdated services which are not as optimized for your particular business.

2. Prepare to bail out or jump ship

Being in a state of alertness and readiness can maximize your business acumen as you are tracking and reviewing your business plan and efforts along the way, keeping you from getting stuck in a rut.

No one wants a leaky ship, so keeping track of costs vs. returns can keep your ship in tip top shape. You can make repairs when appropriate of jump ship altogether. Marketing and promotion costs are problematic and can easily spin out of control if not properly monitored and controlled, as well as other production costs.

Sometimes being immersed in the day to day operations can be overwhelming and may make it difficult to be perfectly objective, so be open to the idea of inviting someone to assist you in reviewing your operations from a different perspective. It may give you insights that you may not have otherwise had access to from your present perspective.

It is fairly simple to create a mathematical formula to evaluate our cost of doing business – or engaging in a specific activity or process – and determining its value to your ongoing business.

Always be aware and reviewing the many aspects of your business and always ask yourself, “Is there a better way?” Look for better ways to conduct your business and you will be surprised at how new ideas will present themselves to help streamline your operations. You will find that in most cases you can do more with less by cutting out the fat.

An effective business person is always looking for ways to improve their operations and increase the bottom line.

3. Continuing education for higher efficiency

Unless your business is so unique that it cannot be possibly related to any other business venture in existence (which would be extremely rare) you can find ways to learn how other businesses are increasing their efficiency and increasing their bottom line.

You might be surprised to find a great deal of information readily available by making a few queries on Google, finding there are other businesspeople just like you who find themselves struggling with the same (or similar) challenges.

You may even find groups, forums, blogs and membership sites where like-minded businesspeople congregate and share their stories. Often, if you are active with these folks and build a relationship with them, you can find them an extremely valuable source of information and resources.

Continuing education is your most effective weapon in battling for your battling for the survival of your business. Not being plugged in and being aware of trends and improvements will anchor your business in stagnant water, leading to its eventual demise.

There are so many resources available to keep you on the top of your game, it would be folly not to consider embracing them.

So, take advantage of subscribing to magazines, joining trade organizations attending trainings and conferences about our area of business and/or areas within your business that can greatly affect your bottom line.

This is not a one-size-fits-all answer, and even if you were the most knowledgeable person on the planet regarding your particular business when you opened the doors, all marketplaces are constantly in a process of ebb and flow. It is your responsibility to be in the know and position yourself in such a way so as to be able to make adjustments quickly to ensure your endeavor’s longevity and continued success.

Always be on the lookout for ways you can leverage your resources and cash flow for maximum returns.

Time to Do Your Own Thing?

Ever feel like just another meaningless face in the maze, just like everyone else in the rat race? Just scurrying around among all the other vermin for whatever reason, with only a brief memory of the inspiring ideal of there being cheese?

Some mazes are better than others, and if you’re lucky to be in a good one, you’ll go to college to earn a ticket you can use to ride the good job bus so you can rack up some retirement and if you’re lucky enough to be one of the five percent in this maze, at some point you can take a break, relax and enjoy the good

The vast majority of those on the college educated, hard working class – yes, ninety-five percent of them – struggle when forced to retire, dependent on social security, family and government subsidies to have any hope of surviving advanced age.

If you’re not one of the 180 million people who win the lottery, you might consider subsidizing your income with a life of crime and enjoy having a place to live out your years with cable TV, surrounded by plenty of friends and not having to worry about paying bills or wondering where your next meal is coming from.

Is it time to do your own thing?
Is it time to do your own thing?

This starts getting real as you age. When you are still young it doesn’t matter much, you believe all the hype about being a productive piece of the machine and have faith there will be something there for you in the future.

There is a small percentage of the population that figures this out early in life and look for ways to take responsibility for their own survival seeking to create something on their own, without having to depend on an employer. About seven percent of us seek some form of self-employment (about seven percent) and of those about half of them are employers who put other employees to work.

The other half are considered mom and pop enterprises, who are just trying to eek out a living the best way they can.

Between the ages of 45 and 64, Americans increasingly seek out ways to subsidize their income, most of them starting a business of their own. As the age of 65 hits, fourteen percent of women and twenty-two percent of men are self employed.

If you’re not one of the 5 out of 100 educated hard-working employees lucky enough to be working with a good company or organization with good retirement packages, then chances are you are starting to look around wondering what you are going to do.

Your fear is the only thing holding you back as you question your own worthiness and talking yourself out of taking full responsibility for your financial future with negative self-talk, such as,

“I’m not educated enough.”

Lots of people, just like you, have launched successful careers and businesses with little or no education and you might be surprised how many of the most wealthy individuals barely have a high school education, no college or dropped out of college.

“I don’t have time.”

Everyone has time to do the things that are important to them. You can see in our youth we have no time for seriously considering any form of entrepreneurship, but as retirement age closes in more and more of us are making the time to get serious about staring something new.

“I don’t have the startup capital.”

Fortunately, nowadays, you can start something with very little overhead or initial cash outlay thanks to the Internet and modern communications technology. You can use these to your advantage and start your business with very little money and no need to have the expense of a brick and mortar enterprise.

“I don’t have a marketable product, skill or service.”

Everyone who comes to this planet has their own inherit skills and abilities. There is something (probably many things) that you are able to do that many other people cannot. This is way our natural system was designed. We all are designed to help each other. You can start doing your part today.

“Someone is already doing it and I can’t compete.”

Really? As a consumer, you know that’s not true. We all like to have choices. We’re not too crazy about the idea of only having one restaurant, gas station, cell phone provider or brand of laundry detergent to choose from. Think of it more as encouraging freedom of choice instead of competition.

“I tried and failed. I just can’t do it.”

If you’ve tried doing something on your own unsuccessfully: Bravo!

Don’t quit. You are 95 percent more qualified to start up a successful business after having at least one failure under your belt, as rarely does anyone start a successful business the first go round.

What’s holding you back?

Love Balloon Therapy

If you’re having a heavy negative emotional response to any person, memory, situation or circumstance – one that causes psychological or physiological pain or discomfort – you might consider initiating the Love Balloon Method for relief.

Used in my practice, the Love Balloon Method, is a simple guided meditation technique that relieves the stress and trauma of a challenging life event while retaining the lessons learned. The Love Balloon Method can be an effective therapeutic process in your life and/or practice.

Equipment Required

  • A Penny
  • A Balloon
  • A Pin (optional)

The only props needed for this process is a penny (or any other small object to be used as a focal point, such as a crystal or stone, etc) and an unused balloon. I use a penny due to its conductive properties and they are readily available, but you could use anything of a similar modest size. The balloon is used for its insulation quality and also as an active part of the emotional release process and the pin (or any sharp object) to pop the balloon when appropriate.

The Love Balloon Process

Relax

Relax in a comfortable position and focus on the person, memory, situation or circumstance causing your discomfort. You may find the emotional impact from this event or thing disrupting your life or day at unexpected times causing you to feel uneasy, anything from mildly uncomfortable – to – sick to your stomach or other pain in your body.

Close Your Eyes

For this moment in time, you are simply finding a peaceful place in your mind to relax prior to starting the process as you hold the penny in your left hand, palm up, between your thumb and middle finger. When you have achieved a reasonable state of calm and peace you are ready to move onto recalling the event.

Recall

Using your imagination – with your eyes closed – recall every detail about the object of your discomfort. Ramp up all the emotional impact that you can so that if on a scale of 1 – to – 10, your emotions would be as close to a ten as possible, as if you were as hurt, angry or uncomfortable as if it were happening, right now.

Watch TV

In your mind’s eye, shrink the scene down so that you see the event in its entirety as if it were on a television screen. Now step outside of the television screen, so you can clearly see all the events taking place from outside the TV. Outside the television you remain safe from the event(s) taking place. You can view the entire scene and while it may be uncomfortable to watch it play out before you, you are separated from the scene as it plays out before you.

From this vantage point, you have the remote control, and see how you can pause the scene, fast forward, rewind, , zoom in, zoom out, play in slow motion and adjust the sound of the scene. In fact, you will be surprised and/or amused at how much control you have other the entire scene. Try it now.

White Light, Love and Joy

Imagine a beam of white light beaming down from above, right down through the top of your head, passing through your head to your heart, filling your heart with the light of love and joy. Let this light flow full force and spread its glow throughout your whole body and overflow out through your feet and into the earth below.

Let the television turn and spin as it is engulfed by the heavy flow of love and joy to shrink and follow the flow to the area of your heart, where it spins in the heart’s vortex of light, love and joy.

Hand on Heart

Place your right hand on your heart, creating an overflow of light, love and joy recycled as it overflows from the heart, traveling through your right shoulder, through your arm, out your palm and in the area of your heart where the TV spins even more.

Charge the Penny

When you are ready, right hand still on your heart, send the TV and this incredible love, light, joy and energy down your left arm and see it flow into the penny. See the penny glow in white light while the TV is locked safely inside.

Open Your Eyes

Penny to Balloon

Take the balloon now with your right hand and stuff the penny with your event trapped inside into the balloon. The balloon is made of rubber which acts as an insulator. Safely tucked inside, you can feel the penny but cannot feel any of the emotion. Inside the balloon, it is just a penny.

Blow Up the Balloon

In the knowledge that the flow of light, love and joy, still flowing through the top of your head to your heart and overflowing out through your feet, breathe in and see your breath filling the area of your heart glowing with the light of love and joy. Use this love and joy infused breath to blow up the balloon.

Repeat inhaling into your heart and blowing as your exiting breath filled with light, love and joy continues to fill the love balloon.

Filled Love Balloon

Once the balloon is filled with all that light, love and joy, you can either pinch it or tie it off and sake the balloon. You can hear and feel your penny bouncing and rattling around inside. Imagine how silly and amusing your problems seem bouncing around inside the love balloon. Smile and increase your joy as it bounces around, even allow yourself to laugh at how funny this all is.

Release with Love

After you have amused yourself sufficiently and realize you are ready to finally let go of the emotional impact of the event. Honor the event by allowing your mind to be able to find the goodness, the lesson and learning from having lived through this event as you release all the emotional control this person, memory, situation or circumstance had over you in love.

If you are pinching the balloon, release it with the grand, flatulent sound of sudden deflating and laugh or even cheer as it is gone. Alternative, if you have tied the balloon, pop it and your problem explodes along with the balloon.

Celebrate Freedom

Celebrate by uttering a vocal, “Wa-hoo!” or some similar phrase that makes you feel good. Do a jig and dance around the room. You are now free from the emotional impact or abuse from this person, memory, situation or circumstance.

Wa-hoo!

I love the love balloon.

Personality Disorders and Diagnosis

No two people are alike and for those of us in the people business, we try to quickly ascertain particular personality traits to give us a better understanding of how best to relate to a particular individual. I am not particularly fond of labels, but have always been fascinated by the four basic personality types and use my, “What kind of cat are you?” framework as a lighthearted tool.

Personality traits such as how a person sees and interacts with their life and others seem to fall into basic categories and most people are a combination of one or more of these temperaments.

Beyond particular personality traits, there are personality disorders which are considered undesirable and could cause problems in the life of someone struggling with a dysfunctional personality trait or negatively affect the life (or lives) of others.

Diagnosing personality disorders is really a very complex method which should be left to the licensed professionals specializing in this type of work. It is an ever-evolving science of psychotherapy which changes moment to moment and year to year as we accumulate data and as we as human beings amidst societal environments continue to evolve. It is a continual moving target.

Currently, the trend suggests there are ten basic prototypes used in the diagnosis of personality disorders. Even so, even with a correct diagnosis it is common for any two people with the same diagnosis to express their particular personality disorder completely differently. Again, this is because even though we all share some of the same basic temperament traits, we are all so uniquely separated by individual life experiences and influences which give us our astounding uniqueness.

That being said, the process of diagnosis is more likened to art than science due to the complexities and variances of each subject. At the moment there exists no scientific testing equipment that can be used to adequately diagnose a particular person (and I think that is a good thing) but the scientific community would like to embrace a scanning technology which could adequately report which people are likely to not have compassion or feelings, are likely to break the law, be manipulative and predatory, overly frightened or highly dependent on the system or others.

Not being an exacting science regulated to a series of yes or no criteria, we’re all just doing the best we can with what we have, and just as each subject is completely individual, so is each evaluator, which skews the process of diagnosis even further as data is scrutinized and perceived to arrive at an adequate conclusion.

As we continue to diagnose and categorize personality disorders, it causes concern about how these diagnoses will be handled in the future, because history depicts society as having a propensity to punish or banish people who express particular brands of individuality. I am not convinced this is a good thing.

In my work, I have found myself working with people and their issues among the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum, particularly those who have a propensity for being predatory or involved in criminal activity. In the past, these individuals were labeled as “psychopaths” which is the term that I use to categorize them, when working with their victims.

While these methods of categorization helps me communicate, deal with and integrate with this particular group of individuals, I struggle with the idea of reducing human beings to their simplest form(s) and see potential pitfalls in such activity.

Even you could be easily diagnosed with a particular personality disorder, which could be problematic.

For instance, you could be diagnosed as being a Paranoid, Schizoid or possess a Schizotypal Personality Disorder if you’re a loner, suspicious, assert that you have certain “rights,” ruminate over injustices; believe in magic, UFOs and government conspiracies.

You could receive a diagnosis of Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic or Narcissistic Personality Disorder if you lack empathy or compassion, are self-confident, aggressive, manipulative or feel as though you are above the law. This spectrum also includes those who might be attractive, sexual, suicidal, emotionally unstable and/or selfish in nature.

Then there are the Avoidant, Dependent, and Anankastic Personality Disorders which include individuals who are self-conscious, shy, subservient, are apt to display anxiety, fear of abandonment and may (or may not) have been a victim of sexual abuse. This group also harbors obsessive statisticians and workaholics who may lack a sense of humor and are likely to see things as black-or-white or good-or-bad.

What do you think?

Personal Adventurers

Do you see things in your life that ended up being less than what you had hoped for?

Are you okay with the idea that things are fine the way they are and might lead to something even better than you’d expected from your previous ideas?

Are you okay with others doing the best they can with what they have and it is not up to you to try to manage or change their life, in a sense allowing them to find their own way?

Do you love the person you are without having to seek approval or validation from others?

When your life is disrupted by an unexpected life circumstance are you apt to quickly adapt and look for the better thing that is coming to you?

If these questions resonate with you as ideas that you are embracing as you are moving through life, then like me, you are on a path of the personal adventurer. Personal adventurers are able to find value, the lesson, even reverent levity or happiness in even the worst of circumstances. When other people might self-destruct become defensive, strike out in fear, anger, or sink into a deep depression, you are looking to experience the situation from an alternative perspective, you find yourself looking for the treasure in every tragedy or challenge.

Let’s say you lost your job, found yourself in hard times and unable regain your balance. This might be a condition that would throw someone into the depths of depression, but you feel something good is headed your way. Then while taking a stroll down the street in the early evening someone approached you on the street with a stocking cap covering his face and a gun pointed at you asking you for your purse or wallet. There is any number of ways to respond to such a challenge, but you’re likely to smile and with uncomfortable levity, you might respond with, “Really? Did you pick the wrong person tonight, I should be holding you up,” and end up striking up a conversation with the would-be thief.

What would have been a life-threatening event in someone else’s life was an opportunity for you to reach out to another human being without losing the grip on your own life and/or emotions even in a personally difficult situation.

When faced with the most challenging of life circumstances, you are looking for ways to uncover goodness, mercy, understanding and value in the experience which empowers you to move into the futures with knowledge and power which would ether elude others, or may have been obtained via master level training. You benefit from every experience and continue to move ahead with your new found training locked in as a new tool in your tool belt for whatever lies ahead.

It is here that you find a sense of inner peace in all things.

No one can tell you how to think about or process the data presented to you on your life’s journey. Sure, you can be open to insight from others, but only you can apply the learning or appreciate the beauty and elegance of the uncovered treasure no matter how great or how small.

Philosophers and religious leaders present us with their view of a particular concept or ideal and there may be instances where you feel a common resonance with someone else who is on their own individual path and for a while (possibly for a long while) you may find yourself walking in lock step along similar paths at the same time. These times are precious as they foster a sense of belonging and camaraderie which is comforting, though for most of us, that tug from our heart to move forward begins to lead us into a different direction.

If this is you, you have an adventurous soul which seeks to find its own way and experience things that may not be available to others who travel in groups for long periods of time, and that’s okay. Not only is it okay, but really it’s the only way you will find peace, fulfillment and happiness; by making your own way. And who knows? You might be clearing a path for others as you grab your compass and machete and forge your own path. Certainly, you will have access to data that may not be available to others following the well-worn path.

Even though most of us like to feel a part of the greater whole, only the individual is able to see that his or her adventurous propensity is actually a part of the hugely greater whole that others may not be able to see or even consider from their vantage point on their path. We have a sense of taking the high road, one that may be more challenging, but the rewards are so worth it. We long for enormous views of aerial vistas that can only be imagined from below.

Society and the media try to designate who we should be, how we should act and think. This promotes a herd mentality which causes us to divide and to devise brother against brother, to judge other people for conducting themselves in a manner which you have been programmed to accept, “is not acceptable.”

But you have an inner sense of knowingness that you cannot change, control or take responsibility for another person’s actions, you are keenly aware that you are only responsible for you, your thoughts, ideas, behaviors and manifestations.

You are becoming more accepting or tolerant of people and things being what they are. While others are more apt to focus on the tragedies and injustices, you find yourself focusing on the beauty and elegance of all the good things that are taking place simultaneously. To maintain a positive perspective, even in the worst of times, is a blessing and the lever which releases real joy and happiness.

After a while, don’t be surprised if you find humor – even possibly giving way to laughter – in even the most tragic circumstances. While others might think your response is disrespectful and contemplate calling someone to have you sent to a loony bin, don’t take it personal. They have been programmed to have this sense of belief system, and that’s okay. They’re only doing the best they can with what they have. Maybe they will find their own way in the future, maybe not. Don’t take it personal, just give it a shrug and say, “Oh well,” and keep it moving. There is no need to defend your position, just allow everyone to have their own opinion and perspective and bless them as you walk by.

You live in a world where you are surrounded by others who do not have your best interests at heart, and only you can determine what is best for you, so don’t allow these individuals to threaten you or beat you into submission, unless of course, you have come to the conclusion that submitting (or feigning submission) may actually allow you the freedom to move on.

10 Seconds to Trustworthiness

When you meet someone for the first time, or are just getting to know someone, they have created an image of you in their mind’s eye about whether you can be trusted or not. Whether it’s a social engagement, casual meeting, job interview, meeting a potential client, sales meeting or a potentially romantic date, you have only 10 seconds to communicate your trustworthiness.

Set the Stage

In setting the stage, you’ve taken into consideration your intention. Ask yourself, “What do I want to achieve?” and set your mind on the intended result that will lead to supporting your highest and best as well as that of any person you meet. To communicate trust you must quickly convey you are authentically open and honest, possess humility and are not selfish or conceited.

Being in tune with your intention sets your vibration and being in touch with your vibration will attract others with a similar vibration, or raise the vibration of the person or people that you meet to match your vibration. This is where true communication (or communion) takes place, but you only have 10 seconds to establish tone. Sow set yours in advance and consider also

Accessories and Attire

I know much is said about high fashion accessories and apparel that communicate confidence, compel followers to be attracted to you and increase sales.

This is a sensitive area. While the fashion industry would like you to believe that your expensive watch, designer clothes, shoes and bag will make you the toast of the town, it may also create a negative emotion in someone you might be trying to connect with in an authentic manner.

The higher your intention for connection, the more conservative your appearance (clothing and accessories) should be, if you want to be trusted. Try to match your overall look with the vibration of your intention, especially if you want to seem humble, approachable and trustworthy.

Too much bling is intimidating and may communicate selfishness or arrogance instead of trustworthiness at first blush.

Body Language

Be aware and conscious about how you communicate with your body. There are some things you can do that communicate openness and humility, like keeping your hands in a palms-up open position, keeping your shoulders down in a relaxed position, looking them in the eye but taking breaks so as not to seem like you’re staring them down and maintaining a mildly confident stance (avoid the hand on hips Superman pose).

If appropriate to greet with a handshake, firmly but gently (without a death grip) shake hands in with a vertical hand position, pump two to three times and disengage. Overdoing the handshake can put someone on the defensive.

Without going into detail about body language (which could consume a lifetime of study) avoid any stance, body motion or hand position which may put someone on the defensive if you want people to trust you. Consider being observant about others who do establish rapport and trust easily. You don’t have to hear what they are saying, just watch what they do. Consider video recording yourself. Watching your communication style from outside of your own experience may be an enlightening experience. We all could do better.

Be Attentive

Whatever it is, make it about the other person. Don’t put yourself on display or make this about you. Putting others first is the best way to establish a non-threatening position when making a first impression.

Quickly find something good to say about the person you are approaching (in the first 10 seconds) a genuine, well-intended and honest compliment can help instill camaraderie.

Be complimentary – but don’t overdo it – you want to seem nice, not manipulative.

Even if you’re in a room full of people at a networking event, for the brief moment(s) you are meeting someone, stay focused on him or her. Don’t be looking around the room for your next target, or checking your phone. Listen actively, don’t interrupt or try to show how smart or important you are. Leave them wanting more, save it for a later date.

Be willing to appear confident but honest and vulnerable.

You don’t have much time (10 seconds) to set the tone. If you are really the kind of person who can be trusted, you would like people to know this about you as soon as possible. A little thought and preparation can go a long way in communicating your trustworthiness and hopefully make an impact during your opportunity to leave behind a good first impression.

What a Man Wants

What a man wants in a woman

If you peruse the latest editions of the contemporary magazines, you will likely discover that the publishers pretty much agree on what it is that men seek in a woman to have a long-term relationship including the possibility of marriage and building a life together.

The general consensus is that men are looking for an optimistic woman who is not over confident or suspicious and a good homemaker.

Armed with that information, women in search of a long-term relationship, willing to exchange wedding vows, will try to key in on these characteristics with the hope of attracting their respective Prince Charming.

While well-intended magazines and tabloids try to help women get the men and relationships they are looking for, they are disappointed when the man bids her adieu, protesting “But I was everything he could possibly want. Why would he leave?”

It could be the things you were told (even if you were to ask the men directly) what a man wants, are not as accurate in real life romance.

What does a man really want in a woman?

What a man really wants is an attractive, independent woman without drama, who he can enjoy life with.

Attractive

There needs to be an initial attraction. While much attention is focused on physical attraction, there is much more to attraction than simply one’s physical appearance. Men find women who know how to dress up for a formal event as well as dress down for a casual play date at the park, or a hike in the woods.

A man likes a woman’s natural beauty, as well as their adeptness at applying makeup. Too much of one or the other may cause him to seek which one that is lacking elsewhere.

Avoiding routine and suggesting a bit of spontaneity is also seen as an attractive trait in a woman.

Independent

Forget trying to be a helpless weakling if you’re looking for a solid long-term relationship today, and forget taking dating advice from your mother or grandmother. Times have changed and so have the men. They don’t need someone to make them feel good about themselves (which was valid through the fifties and early sixties).

A man wants a woman who is more his equal, someone he can share all the elements of his life with. So, if you want a man who has a sense of purpose, is confident and secure in himself then you need to bring the qualities you seek to the table also.

The day of the subservient housewife is diminishing as men are more attracted to a partner in life, a confident woman who has her own sense of purpose, has the necessary space in her life to support and encourage him to embrace his own goals and ideals.

Work together when appropriate or feasible, but carve out plenty of together time also, when aspirations are set aside for focusing on each other in tandem.

No Drama

How do you deal when your relationship is visited by Miss Interpretation?

It’s easy for men and women to have misunderstandings when seeing things from individual perspectives. How you deal with these items when they appear will determine how interested a man will be in committing to a long-term relationship.

A wise woman will state her perception/interpretation while delineating her feelings and not accusing or threatening the man when facing a potential misunderstanding. This also sets the pace for the man as he is more likely to explain his point of view without feeling threatened which could escalate the issue at hand.

We are all entitled to our feelings and communication is encouraged without having to project one’s feelings on your partner. An emotionally sound woman will embrace a clear communication style without unnecessary drama.

Enjoy Life

Everyone has to find their own joy. Try to match yourself with someone who enjoys the same things in life that you do. When you can have playful fun with activities representing common interests, this helps strengthen the attachment bond between two people.

Expressing yourself, your wishes and dreams with a man is a intellectual approach to relationship building but most men are more kinesthetic. That is to say men are more likely to develop a deep sense of attachment by doing things together, rather than talking about them.

Find meaningful and enjoyable things to do together and lay a firm foundation for a long-lasting relationship that can stand the test of time.

7 Simple Steps to Create Your Elevator Pitch

What’s Your Elevator Pitch?

An elevator pitch is a script that quickly summarizes who you are and what you do in 30 seconds or less. If crafted properly, your elevator pitch is an effective tool to briefly communicate what it is you do when asked in passing, such as in an elevator.

7 Simple Steps to Create Your Elevator Pitch

1. What Do You Want to Say?

First figure out what you want to say. When someone expresses an interest in you, what would you like to convey about who you are and what you do? Would your message be focused on your job, your family, church, organization or affiliation? Maybe it would focus on your philanthropic endeavors, recreational or hobby interests?

Decide what your main theme focus will be because remember, you’re limited to only 30 seconds.

2. Opening Statement

You’re opening statement should state what you do or want to convey, though it’s not enough to simply state such a thing bluntly. You need to dress it up a bit.

For instance, you could say, “I’m a dog groomer.” Dressed up, you might say, “I am a pet stylist who captures and highlights the personality of each pet in my salon.”

3. What Makes You Different?

No matter what your message is your 30 second audience may not have the time, nor the inclination, to ask you about why they should even care about what you have to say, so you must assert a unique perspective about your message that could pique their interest.

It should be something that sets you apart from what their initial assumption might be about what you could be saying.

“The pets that I serve don’t just go to the barber shop, when they come to my salon. It’s like a complete day spa experience for my animal clients and there’s a recreation area for my guests who bring them in.”

4. Ask Them a Question

You should always end your elevator pitch with a question that cannot be simply answered with a “yes” or “no” response. You want to give them an opportunity to engage with you, and asking them an open-ended question invites them to actually process what you have intimated to them in this brief presentation.

“Put yourself in your pet’s shoes for just a minute; what would you want your pet grooming experience to be like?”

5. Wrap It Up

Combine all your elevator pitch components and you’re almost ready to go.

“I am a pet stylist who captures and highlights the personality of each pet in my salon.”

“The pets that I serve don’t just go to the barber shop, when they come to my salon. It’s like a complete day spa experience for my animal clients and there’s a recreation area for my guests who bring them in. So everyone has a good time.”

“Put yourself in your pet’s shoes for just a minute; what would you want your pet grooming experience to be like?”

6. Practice Your Elevator Pitch

Memorize it and practice it so it doesn’t sound canned when you deliver your elevator pitch.

7. Give Them Something

If possible, it’s always more beneficial to leave something with someone in the event they might like to contact you, or the organization you’ve represented at some time in the future. Something like a business card, small brochure or leaflet with contact information on it might be appropriate.