Blog | David M Masters

Is Lack of Love Keeping You from True Love?

Love is fading and you are feeling less and less of the little love you once felt.

It happens, and understanding what’s happening behind the scenes can help you get back on your feet and recover your lack of love and possibly end up with a greater love, maybe your best love, yet.

True love awaits you, and you can find your way to it.

The love experience from your past, particularly the less than satisfying moments of love from your past, can strip the luster from any hope of feeling that amazing kind of love you once thought was possible.

Do a little soul searching and see what negative association you may have connected to previous love experiences that didn’t turn out the way you might have liked.

Some of the sources of love drain from the could include,

Bad Kid Love

As a youngster, you may have had accumulated traumatic love wounds, like lack of love as a baby, or having no love at home growing up. How could you have any love, if you didn’t have any as a kid? It’s hard to even imagine loving yourself because you have no frame of reference.

You Feel Like Crap

Let’s face it, you aren’t feeling good about yourself, and may be entertaining the negative voices inside your head, and might find yourself suffering from lack of self-confidence and may be headed toward depression due to lack of love. You can hardly expect anyone to love you in this condition.

You’re Pissed Off

You could be holding a lot of pain and anger inside you which just drains any hop of love any more. Even if your anger is justified because you’ve been hurt or victimized, you’ve got to find a way to get around it and put all this behind you, because from this state of mind, even if someone were to offer you some genuine love, you couldn’t even see or imagine it as a possibility.

True Love Doesn’t Exist

You’ve resigned yourself to believe the idea that there is no such thing as love. If you believe that love doesn’t exist, not just for you, but anyone. You think that everyone is only faking it and going through the motions because they don’t want to be alone, or any of the other 40 ways (or more) people don’t believe in love, you will never be able to have it, because in this state of mind, love does not exist.

Don’t Need Anyone

You think you’re happier alone, as lonely and unfulfilling as it might be, you feel you’re better off in solitude. At least if you’re fiercely independent, you’re less likely to be let down, hurt, or have your heart broken.

Where Does Love Come From?

Love is the highest known human emotion. It comes from a place outside of ourselves, a higher source, call it god, energy, the universe or whatever. It’s out there and we summon it to us and channel it through our heart and let it permeate our lives.

When you’re feeling love in all its glory, you are sharing the highest state of being imaginable and in that moment, you are one with the creator and creation which is vibrating at the frequency of love.

How to Live a Life of Love

If you are game, living a life of love is as high as you can reach in this life. If you think you might like to go there, your new life of love might look something, like this:

Let Go of All Things Negative

We’re surrounded by negative things in life which abound all around us, but you have to start the only place you absolutely have control of, and that’s within you, your heart, your soul, your thoughts, and in your actions. If you want to live a life of love, you have to draw a line in the sand and not allow negativity to have anything to do with you. It’s a process but with practice you can embrace positivity and ignore and ultimately let go of negativity.

Take Responsibility for Your Feelings

How you feel about things all initiates from within yourself. You are the only thing on this planet which can make you feel anything. So, it’s up to you to take responsibility and learn to manage and control how you feel about anything. If you’re unfamiliar with the idea, it will take a minute to try and wrap your head around that one, but how you feel? It’s all on you.

Embrace Tolerance

Here’s the master level work of love. When you can get to the place where you allow other people to be who they are without taking it personally, now you’re on the right track. You don’t judge other people or insist that they think or act like you. You realize we’re all in this together and were all doing the best with what we have. You don’t need to see anyone change, you only focus on yourself and allow everyone else to find their own way, whatever that might be. Loving others, everyone else, regardless… makes for the best tasting love soup ever.

Get Used to Narcissism

I know, this one always gets a rise out of any audience. We spend so much time focusing on identifying narcissists based on all the negative attributes of narcissism, but you fail to see the positive aspects of narcissism and you best try to get a handle of these thing, if you really might like to have the best things this life has to offer. Yes, there’s a delicate balance between healthy emotional self-maintenance and unhealthy and be okay with other people trying to find and maintain this delicate balance also (which could easily be misdiagnosed as narcissism at any particular point in time, depending on circumstance and your place in time and space.

Focus on the Love and Maintain the Vibration

Living a life of love has a particular feel, it is the energetic vibration or frequency of love. We all have different things that take us there, identify yours. Find the things that take you to this state, find ways to put yourself in this vibration and keep yourself there as often as possible. After a while love will be your base vibration. It doesn’t get any better than that.

This is the nature of true love. If you want true love, it starts with you. It’s been there, waiting for you to find it, embrace it and unleash it on the world and those you love.

True love is calling you.

Will you answer its call?

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

May 2017 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of May, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

Hit the Wall for a Change	How to Keep from Getting So Pissed Off	Problem Solving Attitude
Time and Memorial	Love is the Best Thing	Live a Better Life? Why?
Don’t Let You Down	Counter Selfless Disregard and Burnout	Time to Let Go of Unforgiveness
Priceless Success and Happiness	Communication and Connection	Evolution of Marriage
The Power of Pretending	Define Love	All and Nothing Therapy
Should I Get Married?	Living Your Life In Love	Put Off Procrastination
Jealous Much?	Communication in Difficult Circumstances	How Do You Feel About Things?
Overcoming Addictive Behaviors	Natural Pain Relief	Where is Your Credibility?
Inner Child Tantrum	What is Love to You?	Are You a Curious Cat? Ask Questions
Make an Impact via First Impressions	Part of You is Dying

Hit the Wall for a Change

Invariably when you’re in the process of growing and expanding into the higher version of yourself, your evolutionary process of you, and, “Wham!” You hit the wall.

Just when you least expected, here you are facing someone, something, some situation, circumstance, or even yourself in the mirror, and you ask, “How the hell did I get here?” (of all places).

Get ready for a rude awakening: This is for your highest and best, and this process will lead you to change. Yes you. Even if it looks like it has nothing to do with you, moving past this obstacle will take a change, maybe outside yourself, but you will have to change first before you can change anything outside of you.

If you can wrap your head around that whenever you find yourself up against any obstacle, seek what you can change inside first, then seek to deal with the whatever it is head on, you are so far ahead of the game.

Obstacles which interrupt our flow are indicators that we have something within that needs tending to, even if it’s not specifically associated with this obstacle. It may be to equip you with a skill to prepare you for something else further down the road.

What? Me change?

Your belief system might be resistant to change. Say the words out loud, “It’s okay for me to change.” Check in with your feelings. How does it make you feel about the idea of embracing change?

It’s really no surprise really, it’s a part of your genetic, cellular memory that was firmly set in place generations ago, when change was dangerous. Survival was based on a strong sense of maintaining a small community, with staying in the same location, supported by the same people, doing, thinking and being pretty much the same. Straying and exerting individuality could lead to loss of health and/or one’s life.

Things have changed and your changing leads to your expansion and evolution into the highest and best version of yourself.

Try being open to the idea of change, even embracing it. All it takes is a little allowing. Change doesn’t have to be forcible. I mean, if you aren’t open to change, you will still be susceptible to it, when it is forced upon you. If you think about it, you know it’s true.

Grounding yourself in a solid place where you are open, allowing change, receiving all the good things, including lessons waiting to be revealed to you, is so much better than fighting for your right to resist.

Think about what allowing change might look like. It can look like allowing people or things to leave your life, including ideals, thoughts and feelings about the past and the things associated with them. You can also allow new things to be revealed and come into your life.

You can allow yourself to want things you may have never wanted before. You can allow yourself to try something new, create something, or think differently. Allow the letting go or ideas or things you held onto tightly in the past and allow new thoughts and things pour over you, like a gentle rain.

You’re open to new possibilities, even if superficial, such as a change of shampoo, hair color, career, even relocation.

A deeper sense of change is initiated by the heart. Heart-felt change is powered by love. This is the most meaningful moment of change, a paradigm shift.

So, think about it…

What change is on the horizon for you?

It very likely holds the keys to unlock many doors.

You ready?

How to Keep from Getting So Pissed Off

I don’t care who you are, every once a while you find yourself running off the rails and getting pissed off by someone or over something… Aargh!

Can’t help it, in life, shit happens, and sometimes we lose our otherwise sense of cool and let ourselves get pissed off, even to the point of losing it.

Beware when you start to feel like shouting, “I’m pissed off!”

Anger is a negative emotion based on fear, which is the gateway to lower emotional vibrations of sadness, guilt, frustration unhappiness and helplessness.

If what you want is to achieve happiness in this life, you’re going to have to learn to recognize anger when it rears its ugly head and lop it off before it makes you look the fool and starts to drag you down.

Identifying when your emotions or anger start to build within you, catch yourself and ask,

Am I angry at someone else? Or alternatively, Am I angry at myself?

Analyze yourself and determine what it is that makes you feel angry, this will help you to pinpoint what it is that’s getting your goat.

The better you get at controlling your anger, the easier it gets to get along in life without the unnecessary distraction of unbridled anger running amok.

The better you get at getting a grip, the closer the happiness is that you seek.

Try this:

When you feel anger welling up inside you, allow yourself to go limp, as if all the life just drained out of you and from this slumped, deflated position, breathe into and out of your diaphragm allowing your inner soul to reinflate with love. You will find this an effective way of disarming anger before it gets ahold of you.

Imagine yourself stepping outside your body and looking at you and asking you, “Do you think displaying anger in this moment is going to get you what you want?” Will it affect or change anything for the better of give you what you want to be angry? If not, let it go. Public displays of anger are unbecoming and are not likely to serve you in any plausibly positive light or lead to a good outcome.

Anger is a stressor which breaks down your immune system, promotes advances aging and physiological deterioration. Is that what you want? Create a stress-free zone in your mind, a place you can go where you feel perfectly calm, safe and secure. Go to this place which is safely secure in your mind, when you feel like anger is getting the best of you.

If the object of your anger is something someone else is doing, try to imagine yourself, if you were that person doing that thing… Would you be as pissed off if it was you? Might you be able to imagine why that person might feel led to do what they’re doing that’s pissing you off?

When it comes down to it, your anger is all about you, no one else but you. You are the one who decides whether your anger gets the best of you, or not. You choose whether to get pissed or let it go. It’s all on you.

For some people, reciting a positive affirmation in the moment that you are facing anger building up inside you can prevent you from compromising your otherwise healthy state of mind. Affirmations, such as, “I am calm and relaxed.” Or, “Anger is not going to have its way with me,” “Take it easy,” and/or, “Let it go,” are all good examples. Fina a mantra you can initiate at the moment, you need to get a grip.

My grandmother always used to tell me to count to ten before letting anger get the best of me, and I’ll be damned if this didn’t turn out to be an effective deterrent to making a fool of myself by letting rage possess my state of mind. The simple process of focusing on the numbers and seeing them in your mind’s eye as you are counting to ten can allow you to not lose control and see things from a more logical perspective.

Problem Solving Attitude

You’re an enlightened individual on your way to clearing your own path and making your own way from here to where you want to be while making the world a better place on the way from here to there, making progress, kicking ass and taking names when invariably you hit the wall.

What do you do when your momentum is at a standstill due to an unexpected problem or obstacle? What are you gonna do about it?

Why, you’re gonna tackle this thing head on. Right? (Right.) I didn’t hear you. Right? (Right). C’mon, man, that was weak. Gimme all you got. Stand on your feet and let it out, with all you’ve got! Right! RIGHT!

That’s more like it, now hold up your invisible sword and I hereby empower you with the power of the Castle Gray Skull, let me hear you, I have the power! I HAVE THE POWER!

Amen, now sit down and let’s get real.

It’s time to put on your thinking hats, this ain’t no time to be talkin’ shit, this is it. This is where the rubber hits the road, it all comes down to this. This moment right here. You are staring it right in the eye, you best get your shit together and center yourself right now, because the most important thing fro you to do, right now, in this moment is to

Keep Control

You gotta stay behind the wheel. Ain’t no one throwin’ you out the driver’s seat. No, you get a death-grip on the wheel if you have to. You must maintain control of this situation to the best of your ability. And don’t you let them see you wince or sweat. Stay calm, cool and collected. Let them know you are an unshakeable force and you are not letting this thing get to you. Ain’t happenin’. Not then, not now, not ever. You got this.

You don’t worry about any potential thing that might happen. Why? Because you know that worrying about anything that hasn’t happened is not only a waste of time, you know you can deplete all your energy reserves fretting about potential negative outcomes that will leave you wrapped up in a shriveling fetal position with the only hope of escape might be to hopefully breathe your last breath, but that would be too kind.

No magic wizard or fairy godmother is gonna show up to save your ass, not your mom, not your best friend, No, this is all on you. No worrying, you got that down. You’re not going there. You’ve seen others let worry get to them. Truth be told you’ve been there in the past, but that was the old you. This is the new you. No, worry or what it leads to: Depression is not on your calendar today.

As unexpected as this was and as insurmountable as this moment may seem, you know… you’ve been here before. Sure, not exactly like this, but you’ve faced insurmountable odds before and you rose victorious. You know this is just the same, only different. Only this challenge… Think about it. Inside this situation, in the overcoming of it, are the keys to unlock any door that will stand between you and what you want.

So, what you gonna do about it?

Okay, you got your thinking cap on, you got this. You got the wisdom of the ages and you’re letting go of the why or how things got to be where they are right now, in this moment. Those are only distractions. It’s time to focus.

Focus on what you’ve got to deal with, and review what resources you have access to in this moment. Focus your attention on only what the options are for achieving an effective solution. You don’t care about the problem or how it got there, all you know is that you want to arrive at a positive resolution as soon as possible so you can resume your journey.

Remember today is a new day. In fact, it is the only day. No day that ever went before exists. This is the only day that stands between you and tomorrow. And this situation is not there. Not in your tomorrow,

You can see your tomorrow clearly on the other side of this monolith some, “come on.” You say. “Let’s do this thing.”

“Hit me with your best shot.”

You so got this.

Read about it in tomorrow’s news. I’m out’a here.

Time and Memorial

Time goes on, and you love and you experience loss. It’s all a part of the grand design of this life’s experience. We attach ourselves to people who we admire or love. People who have greatly impacted our lives in ways they could never know or imagine.

These are the distant heroes of our lives. They are religious icons, celebrities, musicians, performance artists, artists, actors, business and wealth leaders, and a host of people who may be beyond arm’s length, yet they inspire us to do better, achieve more or build a fire inside us to offer something more to the world that has blessed us with this gift of life.

Then, when you least expect it, the person who has been such an inspiration to you, ends their physical journey on the very earth you may have shared with them. And you experience a sense of loss.

You may experience a great sense of loss and be affected in the most incredible way, as if you experienced the grief of the loss of a close friend or loved one, even though you may have never met this person face to face, or did not have a two-way long-term relationship. Still, you feel the pain of separation and realize that any hope of sharing an experience or creating something in the future with that person could never be.

Then, as you get older, you see your relatives and friends start to leave this physical plane, and you grieve their loss.

Then, on days, like today, we honor those who have lost their lives in military service. As honorable as this is, to volunteer for military service so that the rest of us can stay at home and enjoy the fruits of our American freedoms, is commendable, to say the least.

A few years ago, I had a son who volunteered for such a command in military service. I watched him take his vow of service, and I was as proud as a father could be. Even though he pledged to give his life in service if necessary, both he and I were certain that the odds were in his favor.

How could we have known that on the first 4th of July following his enlistment, he would be fatally wounded in a Taliban attack in Afghanistan?

We, his mother and I, talked to him on the phone the evening of July 3rd, and he was so alive… He called many friends and relatives that evening. Only a few hours later, there was the ominous knock on our door by a pair of full-dressed military officials delivering the news.

No parent should have to bury their own son or daughter, ever. In that moment, Aaron’s mother and I joined the families that lost a family while in military service as well as parents who would have to lay one of their children to rest.

It is the worst possible pain, yet even in the sacrifice of young PFC Aaron Fairbairn, he leaves behind a legacy that immortalizes his life, sacrifice and service among the many heroes who had fallen before him and those who will fall henceforth.

In our memories of all who are remembered for their deeds on earth, we honor them, celebrate their life and preserve their memory, extending the impact on our lives and the lives of others when we remember them. In this way we invite them to live in us and through us even though their days were numbered.

Sometimes, people you have loved so dearly, more dearly than you could ever dare to admit, suddenly leave, and any sense of loss that you might have may not be deemed socially acceptable. This is referred to as disenfranchised grief, and you are certainly entitled to your grief, though it may be a process of solitude, making your own way, in private, without the emotional support of family and friends.

But that’s okay. We all do the best we can with what we have.

Love, live and honor those who are no longer with us.

Celebrate their lives and add love, value, and longevity to their lives by extending in in your own.

Love is the Best Thing

I’ve been loving with my whole heart long as I can remember. But just because you love someone doesn’t mean they are receiving it. That wherein lies the rub.

Loving is about as private and intimate emotion you can have, and as much as you love someone, the target of your affection may not have a clue how much you loved him or her.

If you think about that most pure moment of love when you’re holding and looking into the eyes of your newborn baby. There is no more pure moment of love’s welling up inside you at that moment. But though your baby senses your love, this little guy or gal has no clue.

Get used to this idea because you’re going to see it throughout your whole life. In most cases, it starts with your parents. If they had ANY IDEA how much you loved and adored them so much… Well, they don’t have any idea.

Then there’s your first best friend… I mean, really. Of course, you restrained yourself from using the word, “love,” as an expression of how you felt, but you know, deep inside, it was love, and he or she never knew how much he/she meant to you. Never.

And we’re just getting started.

There are your teachers; not all of them, mind you, but those few that have no idea how much they meant to you, impacted or changed your life in the most meaningful ways.

Followed by more friends, mentors, leaders, co-workers, and fringe people (I mean if could include anyone in the fringe areas of your life, like a service worker, store clerk, celebrities, or other folks) who would never know how much you love them. Even pets or other fauna or flora may never know your great love for them.

Not to mention romantic partners. At least in the romantic sense, it is considered acceptable to exchange your love openly with each other. And no matter how you try, even this person, whom you give all your love and devotion to with a reasonable expectation of a little somethin-somethin’ in return, still has no clue.

Even when empowered to share your deepest feelings of love with another, it’s nearly impossible to even come close to hint to the depth of your love, for it’s all next to impossible for anyone but you to know the expansiveness if your love.

Then there are your kids.

You love them so much. Everything they do is a miracle that brings a tear to your eye (maybe streams of sobbing love and prideful admiration) from that first step and the big potty to the Mother’s Day tea and the school play to prom and graduation and everything in between. It’s a non-stop tearful love fest, and it never stops.

There is no more amazing moment than seeing your son or daughter (or someone else that you love so much, could be the next generation of grandchildren or your friend’s accolades, or their sons and daughters doing well).

They just keep doing more things that couldn’t amaze you more, or make you more proud… They get higher education, find the love of their lives, their passion and purpose in life… and then…

They experience that resonance when they look into their own (or someone else’s) newborn’s eyes and that little guy or gal looks into their eyes with such amazement as those little fingers grasp your index finger, in that moment, the whole world stops.

And they know…

There is this incredible capacity that they have in their heart. It’s always been there, but maybe they’ve been too busy to notice it. Yet, at this one point in time and space, there is a love so unsurpassed, it could not have been imagined, until now.

And it’s only just beginning…

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Live a Better Life? Why?

Okay, people are getting to know me as the, “Live a better life” guy, and periodically I get the occasional wise guy or gal who comes up to me and says something, like, “What? Why would I want a better life?”

It stands to reason, that the idea of living a better life does not apply to everyone. As a matter of fact, it only appeals to a very small percentage of people. So, if the ideas that I and others are suggesting sound unreasonable to you, guess what? It’s not intended for you. Although, just because the idea doesn’t sound good to you today, doesn’t mean it won’t be more appealing at some other time, because we know that people change. Not all of them, and not necessarily en masse, but there’s a tendency for people to change and/or evolve.

And for the changers and evolvers, these changes and evolution is very appealing. Those of us who realize it and are welcoming change and evolution are quite a bit ahead of the curve, but as each one of us awakens, a spark is ignited in someone else and they start to seek a better life. And sometime soon, the whole planet will be ablaze with evolutionary change.

Of course, there are those who would like to keep things from changing. Many people like things just the way they are; so much, in fact that they might be willing (and able) to do anything in their power to prevent the idea of an evolutionary change from taking place. These people see no benefit of an evolutionary change, because they see their station in life as being very good, maybe even perfect for them. But if other people did change and/or evolve, it would affect their lives in a negative way. This could be for a wide variety of reasons, which I will not offer speculation on at this time. You might ask yourself why someone might not want the world to change… and see what you come up with.

Keep in mind, while I am encouraging people to live a better life, I am not telling them how to do it. I think that if someone is leading a specific method of change, it might be more cult than evolution. For a real evolution to take place each person who evolves must allow, negotiate and manage his or her own evolution. The evolving person no longer desires to be herded, like human cattle. This is the emergence of a higher version of individuality.

As we are a part of this evolution, we are open to ideas and stories that challenge our (many) years of programming that has effectively prevented our inclination or ability to desire anything more than what we believed to be within our reach. But we are survivors; not unlike pests who can be controlled by dangerous toxins. After a while, the pest evolves and develops immunity to the toxin that once might have had deadly consequences.

Our evolution is rendering toxic ideals useless as we (some of us, and more of us, every day) are developing an immunity to the systems that prevented us from wanting a better life for ourselves, others, and future generations.

So, why might you be considering the idea of living a better life?

Joy

You may have had the occasional joyous experience, though it has often been just a fleeting moment. You start to wonder, could it be possible to maintain a state of joy for a longer period of time? (You may have even tried to create states of joy for you that might have thought were sustainable, only to find that no matter how you tried, they left you unfulfilled.)

People who are on the evolutionary journey are experiencing greater states of joy and happiness that are sustainable for long periods of time and are not dependent on outside circumstances, situations, or material things.

For the people who are living a better life, they are finding joy in the most amazing places, their work, their activities, even their innermost thoughts. They are living a better life and are enjoying all this life has to offer.

Feel Good

These evolutionary folks are in the habit of finding ways to feel good, also without dependence on what the world might like to impose upon us. They are finding the love within themselves, for themselves, others and the world. They are more likely to be positive and see the good in all things. Even though they are increasingly more independent, they are also developing a sense of the idea that we, the human race, all of us, are not only in this together, but are one, as a whole. And while they are celebrating their individuality, they do not compare themselves to others, or expect conformity, celebrating everyone’s right to find their own self, and respect their right to celebrate it.

Deeper Connection

The people who desire a better life seek a deeper connection, to themselves and others, as well as inviting a deeper connection to their higher source (referred to by many labels and names). These people are less likely to be attracted to surface conversation, or what’s in the news. They are more likely attracted to connecting with people who are in tune with who they are, how they think and how they feel, in search of deeper meaning in life.

Tolerance

If you are in the process of evolving to live a better life, you are more tolerant, loving and respecting of yourself and others. You don’t hold yourself to impossible standards. Neither do you expect compliance from anyone else. You are less likely to judge yourself harshly, and increasingly finding yourself less likely to judge others. You realize that we are all only doing the best with what we have.

Value

As you expand and evolve, the things you value begin to change. You start seeing the important and meaningful things in life have greater value to you than the things that you might have once coveted, if you were previously a victim of vain commercialism. While you might still find joy in the finer things in life, the true value of the people with whom you share a deep connection, love and care about take precedence over the value of material things. Real relationships take on a new sheen as the people in your life, your family, partners, and friends become your life’s priceless treasures (not as belongings or possessions, but they are the reason you love to love and value them so highly).

I don’t know about you, but these things are very appealing to me and I am allowing this evolution to take place in me.

Don’t Let You Down

You’ve done your best. You really have. You’ve guarded your heart and mind, filling them with positive thoughts, recited positive affirmations, found ways to maintain a positive vibration, only said good words, even about questionable people and circumstances, yet here you are; you’ve been hurt, betrayed, sad and/or lonely. You’re feeling like your ship has set sail without you. This is certainly not what you had planned.

No matter how much you try to plan, prepare, have the right mindset and heart-set, are kind, benevolent, righteous and/or deserving, stuff happens when you least expect it. And anyone – even me – would be knocked off their otherwise content horse of courage and possibly falling into the muck of disappointment.

What are you going to do about it?

That’s the question. You’ve suffered a setback, no doubt, and you’re feeling discouraged, rightfully so, but what you do about it makes all the difference in your world. If you focus on your misfortune and wallow in it, feeling dejected and blue, you could let it wrap you up in a cocoon of despair and you might find yourself sinking into a deep depression. Rather, keep your wits about you and try another approach to this predicament.

You feel bad, justifiably enough, so let that emotion pour over you. Allow yourself a predetermined amount of time (set a timer, if helpful) and feel all the anger, frustration, hurt and shame you can muster… then, when the time is up, pull yourself together. Get back on your horse, albeit a little less enthusiastic than prior to this unfortunate event, and stay the course, realizing that sometimes in life, bad things do happen to good people.

This is when you can start looking for the hidden treasure.

More often than not (if not always), unruly incidents that catch us off guard are blessings, though you may not be able to see it in the moment of being shocked by the unexpectedness of it, you find yourself in a much better position. It might not make sense now, but at some time in the future, you will find yourself grateful, having gone through the experience which prepared you for something far more significant.

Think about it. Isn’t that they way it’s always been?

When you’ve suffered an undesirable circumstance, hasn’t it always either led or prepared you for something better? And if you cannot see that, it might be time to take a closer look at those otherwise negative experiences from your past. If you can look at it (hopefully not overcome with emotion. Try using your imagination as if you were watching the event on a TV screen without sound), give it an honest review and see where it led you to or prepared you for: Voilà! You can see it. There is something more magnificent at work than meets the eye.

Life can have hidden cosmic Ninja training included for you that will imbue you with the experience and skills to allow you to deal with greater challenges in an effective manner further down the road, beyond your field of view.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotion, just realize that this is a part of your life experience. There’s no need to avoid or deny it. Just allow these feeling to envelope you, then put them aside when you are able and move on.

Sometimes friends or family can hold you to an impossible standard, likewise, you may hold yourself to unrealistic standards. Remember that no one is perfect, and we all will make missteps. Be forgiving of yourself and others. After all, we’re – each of us – are only doing the best we can with what we have.

Remember, in the face of adversity; try to look at it as if it were a test, challenge or gateway to something far better.

When things don’t turn out, like you expected, look deep into the situation or circumstance for clues of deeper meaning or a lesson to be learned, then release your emotional attachment to it.

Don’t let disappointments get you down, be the victorious warrior who seeks your highest and best in all things. Know there is a silver lining and keep going.
If you’ve reached what appears to be the end of a journey, begin looking for an opening. A door a window, a path will appear.

If you’re feeling overcome with overwhelm, seek the aid of a professional, a counselor or coach who can help you work through this event. Invite the process.

No one ever said life would be an unfurled bed or roses, and if they did, well… you know better. Life is full of ups and downs; learn to find enjoyment in the ride, like the exhilaration of a roller coaster.

I have learned that when I’m blindsided, I start to get excited because something really good is coming. So, get up, brush yourself off, put a smile on your face and be looking… Because no matter whenever things don’t work out like you had planned, something so much better is coming your way.

Don’t give up: Think.

Counter Selfless Disregard and Burnout

You’re a giver. You know that more often than not, you will put the needs of others ahead of your needs. You see yourself as a helper, someone who helps others to have a better quality of life. You’ve been maintaining a frantic pace and you are doing your part to make the world a better place. If anyone needs, anything, they know who to call on in their time of need: You. You answer the call and save the day once again, and there is a degree of satisfaction from helping others, but what about you?

You’d like to think you have an endless reserve of energy to call upon at any time to meet the needs of others. You keep pushing forward, you’re helping everyone you can, and they don’t even know difficult it is for you to follow through and “be there” for everyone else.

You might not even giving much thought to changes happening inside your body because your energy has been running low and your body begins to cannibalize itself to provide you with the energy you need to continue to help the people who have come to depend upon you.

You may (or may not) have noticed certain changes, such as difficulties associated with your digestive system, you might be experiencing headaches more often than in the past, you might be grinding your teeth or seeing a rise in blood pressure.

It’s as if your life force is draining from your body, you’re noticing that you’re feeling a lack of energy and feeling overwhelmed with fatigue. You’re not feeling well about yourself, feeling hopeless, powerless and/or resentful.

The satisfaction you once felt in helping others no longer satisfies and you’re starting to feel as though you are merely existing as you continue to help others even though you’re wondering if you’re just going through the motions. You’re not getting out as much as you used to, you’re beginning to withdraw from others, and life, in general. This whole life which used to be so meaningful for you, feels more like a prison these days.

As you continue to run out of fuel, you are becoming more susceptible to heart problems, heart attack and stroke.

Your inner force needs tending to, if ignored long enough, your energy dwindles and there may not be enough juice left to sustain your basic function. Your flame, you, your body, mind and spirit are literally burning out. I suppose that’s why we refer to this state as, “burnout.”

Stress is a key contributor to burnout. When all our systems (body, mind, soul) are operating at peak performance, we are invincible. Stress has little effect on us as we cast it aside. But if you’re constantly giving more than you receive, or do not take care to re-charge your systems, you develop a deficit. And if neglected long enough, you will suffer the results of burnout.

Stress left to itself can take its toll on you, though there are some of us who can withstand a great deal of stress over time and not be affected much. But these very same heroic individuals are susceptible to burnout, and if or when they do, they are ill-equipped to recoil or respond appropriately. They fall victim to emotional fatigue, which promotes negativity, and they begin to spiral down in the shadow of burnout’s decay.

As your system deteriorates, you will notice areas of your life that were easily and naturally manageable becoming more and more problematic, affecting your professional life as well as affecting areas of your personal life as well, including interpersonal relationships. You might start feeling as though you don’t have anything in common with anyone and begin to withdraw from social interactions and intimate relationships as well.

If you are potentially amidst this sinking whirlpool dragging you down, you’re probably not as mindful about what you eat, nutrition, or exercise. And it’s likely, you’re not getting enough rest.

So what can you do?

Do what you can. Definitely, if you see signs of burnout in yourself (or someone else) take a quick inventory and fix what can easily be addressed. Seek to eat better and integrate more healthy foods in your diet. Start finding ways to incorporate physical fitness, walk, jog, go to the gym, do something. And start going to bed earlier and get some good sleep. This will start to rebuild your energy reserves.

Take it upon yourself to start finding ways to relax and deal with anxieties and situational stress.

Let’s face it, without the basic elemental fuel, your body will wear down and so will the rest of you. You have to take the responsibility for ensuring you, your body, spirit, and soul are tended to. Don’t let your physiological, intellectual, social and spiritual parts of you wither and die.

This is a good time for a checkup with your doctor for a complete physical battery.

It might also be apropos to consider taking a time out for a brief sabbatical to ready yourself for your triumphant return and resuming your powerful heroic performance.