How to Deal With the Emotional Outbursts of Others

Are there people in your life who are a constant source of frustration? People who rub you the wrong way, make you a little crazy, find that single raw nerve, tweaking your otherwise sound sense of calm, then wreck your whole outlook on life, with a single word or gesture?

Consider, if you are willing, to seek out what is hiding beneath the surface.

People will interrupt your state of being for a wide variety of reasons including personality quirks, lack of self-esteem, current or past trauma, inability to handle stressors of life, jealousy, awkward expression or communication styles, mental or physical health concerns, or narcissism are among the most common.

Not possessing the necessary awareness, emotional/communication tools, they may only be able to strike out in an abrasive manner which may be disrespectful, putting others down, making false accusations, demonstrating abrupt, unrestrained angst, anger, or other destructive behavior, including stonewalling (the silent treatment).

When they strike out at you, it’s perfectly understandable and normal for you to think it’s about you because that’s representative of the words they are using when they are pointing their finger at you and addressing “you,” accusing you of being the cause of their emotional outburst.

Even though they are blaming you for their state of mind, this negative energy is sourced and expressed from something deeply disconcerting from deep within themselves. They need to release some of the pressure from these deep, dark secrets and/or unresolved inner conflicts, or else they might explode.

Not understanding how much pain this out-of-control person is, could let you take their emotional display personally. It can actually transfer some of their pain to you, and you get upset or defensive, launching your own emotional overwhelm or outburst.

Losing sight of what’s really happening behind the scenes can cause you to forfeit your power and cause your otherwise high vibrational state of mind to sink to their level, as you do battle in those primal vibratory states of mind.

Following the seduction of your compromised vibration, you might play the event over and over again in your mind, possibly further prolonging your angst about the event, and you might even be distracted by trying to figure out how you could fix things, do or say just the right thing to potentially change the person you shared this experience with.

You may forget that you cannot change anyone, and neither should you even try.

The only thing you can change is you.

How to Deal With the Emotional Outbursts of Others

The next time someone strikes out at you reclaim your power by trying to understand what is happening deep inside the heart and soul of the person who is acting up. Realize, no matter how hard they try to blame or insist that you are the cause for their upset, you are not.

Also, consider that even though you know you are not the cause of their present emotional state, keep in mind that there may be a hidden treasure or truth inside their out of control expression that is a sacred message meant especially for you.

You might uncover something about yourself, where you could grow or change if you can filter out all the upset of the delivery method and find something deep within yourself which could be an opportunity for you to look deep inside from a different perspective.

There will be people whose negative outbursts are just their way of releasing pressure and have little or no prolonged consequence. Try to humbly accept the therapeutic position, possibly even feeling blessed to be the vehicle this person has selected to release this emotional pressure. Some of us are better shock absorbers than others.

It is unnecessary to defend yourself or fight with someone in such a destructive behavioral pattern. Find that safe place within and allow them to release without allowing their upset to compromise your vibration.

You are never expected to remain in an abusive situation. Do not let someone else threaten or terrorize you. Remove yourself from any potentially dangerous circumstances. Don’t let them get to you, retain your power and walk away in love.

You are all-powerful and have full authority to protect your sacred emotional space while allowing life to go on all around you.

You can choose to be unaffected by the dysfunction of others while looking after your own safety and security in peace and harmony.

I’m Pissed Off!

You’ve been abused, neglected, or disrespected, you’ve had about all you could take. If asked how you feel, you might grit your teeth and express, “I’m pissed off!” if you were able to practice some restraint. You might like to express yourself with other superlatives, but nonetheless, you’re mad, and rightfully so.

Someone has hurt you. Maybe they did not slash you with a machete or shoot you with a gun, but the pain is just as real, possibly worse, because a physical wound could be treated at the hospital and you could return to normal physical operation with nothing more than a scar to remind you of the initial wound, while emotional wounds of those who have hurt you remain and can persist for much longer.

How you respond to being pissed off for being hurt or suffering some injustice has a huge impact on the quality of life you experience along your life’s journey. If you harbor bitterness and resentment, you will experience premature aging, advanced illness, and a shorter lifespan. There is also evidence which suggests if you entertain thoughts of being victimized by someone or something, you will attract more victimization, thereby increasing the damage done by just thinking about former transgressions.

If you are in the frame of mind of feeling or saying,

“I’m pissed off!”

At someone or about something, you’re inviting more reasons to be pissed off.

Do you like the feeling of being pissed off? (Most people do not) and there’s good reason, because if you’re pissed, or have bitterness or resentment in your heart, your body is actually suffering deterioration. Your otherwise healthy state of being, both physically and emotionally, is breaking down. Your immune system declines making your more subject to illness and disease and your state of mind becomes fragile, leading to anger, outrage, sadness, or depression.

What Can You Do When You’re Pissed Off?

So, what can you do when you’re apt to shout out, “I’m pissed off!”

You basically have two options in general. You can be part of the problem and fight back, or you can be part of the solution, practicing tolerance and let it go. Revenge and tolerance are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Fight Back

The emotional stance of fighting back can be performed either by launching a counter-attack of any kind in the real world, in your mind, or by adding to the energetic momentum by focusing on the cause of your angst, or the negative results of it. Whether you’re fighting back in the real world, or just in your mind, the psychological and physiological deterioration is the price you pay for entertaining the idea or engaging in a battle over the even that pissed you off.

While holding it in may help you to save face in the real world, far more damage is done to your body, mind, and spirit in the process of burying the emotions inside. Doing so will literally decrease your quality of life and lead you to an early grave, but you will be more respected in the community for your ability to handle whatever life throws at you.

In this respect, it’s healthier to have expressive emotional outbursts or to launch revenge-fueled counter-attacks, but depending on your definition of integrity or dignity, this may not be the best approach to promote a better world, for retaliation only makes whatever your fighting against more powerful.

You don’t want to become a generator of negative energy. If you want to take a stand against something, do not oppose it, instead support and turn your attention toward a positive solution.

It may be wiser to consider a bit of,

Tolerance

From the perspective of tolerance, you see things from a different point of view. You imagine what it must be like to walk a mile, or live a life, in someone else’s shoes. From this compassionate and loving viewpoint, you can understand and see that most injustices are neither malicious or fueled by any intention to harm you or make you feel bad in any way. More the most part, people are just trying to get through life the best they can with what they have.

You could forgive your transgressor, but that establishes you as a victim. A higher resonating vibration is not to need to establish yourself as a victim requiring recompense or forgiveness but to disempower the whole affair by realizing there was never an intent to harm you. You realize that had you been that person, living their life in their shoes, at that moment in time, you would have done the same thing. You know this is true because you witnessed it.

Now you can have compassion for that person (being careful not to self-righteously judge or demean) understanding that we are all just doing the best we can with what we have,

The practice of tolerance is the moral high road, and it does not come easily because we are trained from birth to practice separation and opposition, whereas tolerance promotes unity and harmony. Tolerance takes practice, but the benefits are more of the qualities in life that you desire.

More love, happiness, wellness, peace of mind, longevity…

Then there are the cases of malicious intent to deceive or harm you directly, these are really quite rare and might be associated with someone who is potentially a psychopath or sociopath, but that’s a different story.

What approach are you likely to take the next time you feel like shouting, “I’m pissed off?”

Angry Much?

Every once and a while, you are likely to lose your grip, allow anger to overtake you and lead you into an emotional display that, depending on how you handle it, could have negative or positive ramifications.

While it’s easy to give in to your emotions when they well up inside of you, there are other alternatives that can give you control of anger, or any other emotions if you are proactive and inclined to do the work necessary to make yourself the master of your emotions.

People are always their weakest when they are angry.

Knowing what anger is, and what causes it to rise up inside you, is a good place to start when trying to tame this wildcat.

Anger is a fear-based negative emotion fueled by the stress hormone, “cortisol,” that could be triggered by nearly anything, such as, pressure from school or work, unexpected change, challenging life circumstances, feeling as though you’re being attacked (or lorded over) by other people, as well as underlying fears like feeling threatened, perception of impending pain, jealousy, disappointment, low self-esteem, fear of failure, or loss.

Giving in to the emotion of anger can actually have a detrimental effect on your physical, psychological and spiritual health. When you are enveloped by anger, your heart rate speeds up, blood pressure builds, stress hormones are released en masse which creates a toxic cocktail for your body and its associated systems.

Think early physiological deterioration, aging, and failing organ function, memory loss, acute minor motor skills, reaction time, just to name a few.

Getting a handle on your anger is one of the best ways to look younger, increase your quality of life and longevity.

Keeping a list handy where you can note when you are triggered to feel anger and what caused the emotion to make you start to feel angry would help to get an idea of when you might be most susceptible to a potentially volatile outburst.

When you’re experiencing a calm state of mind, and are willing to set aside a few minutes to do so, make a list of things that you can think of that make you angry.

To give you an idea, here’s a copy of a client’s list (used by permission):

• When I get an automated computer voice and a long list of numbered options when I call a business for assistance
• Dealing with impatient customers at work
• Having to deal with my mother-in-law (she doesn’t like me much)
• Crazy drivers on the highway during my commute
• Checking my stock values and finding they’ve decreased again

Here are some ideas that help keep the wild beast at bay when you’re feeling like your bubble of calm is about to burst

Chill out; literally. Grabbing something cold and refreshing, like a frozen drink (or a drink with a lot of ice), a slushee, shaved ice or ice cream can hit the spot, and the temperature jolt to your system can have a calming effect, reducing your potential angry outburst.

Take an exhilarating break by taking a walk, or a hike (subject to time and available access). This helps take care of your body, while cortisol (the stress hormone) subsides and is overrun by happy and healthy hormones, such as endorphins, endocannabinoids, dopamine, and serotonin.

If you’re in a private place, you can always crank up the tunes, dance to the music, or sing along as best you can to your favorite song(s).

Write a letter. You don’t have to send it, just write out your emotions, how this person, place or thing made you feel angry. If you’re keeping an anger diary, be sure to leave space for something good that happened today, also.

Do things differently. If you’re exposed to an activity regularly during your day which set off your anger response, alter your routine so as to avoid that particular trigger (like taking an alternative route to and from work, etc.).

These are just a few ideas to get you started on taking charge of your anger, placing you in the driver’s seat of your emotional storage facility.

Knowing what sets you off, and having some tools to interrupt your pattern can move you quickly toward a healthy, happier life, shaving years off your appearance and supporting your long and more satisfying life.