Here comes the day; you have trusted someone and come to the awareness that things are not always as they appear. You are contemplating the chasm between trust and betrayal and considering a confrontation or intervention. You ask yourself, “Can people change?” because you want to believe there is hope for the continuation of a relationship with this person whom you believed the best about.
Even if it is not a blatant trust betrayal, you feel that aching in the pit of your stomach and you can’t help but feel like you’ve been stabbed in the back by someone you felt secure with. Now? You just do not know.
Do you risk it and go forward with the relationship? Or do you cut your losses and say, “Vaya con Dios.”?
A cautionary pessimist might conclude, “They will never change.”
If you are like me, you do believe that people can change. Why do I believe that people can change? Because I am in the life-change business, have been most of my life, and I have seen people change drastically and magnificently in the face of the most seemingly impossible circumstances.
Granted, I have also had the experience of working with individuals who were not able to muster the wherewithal to change, who remain in their default state… and even for them, I feel there is still hope that they may change.
It is like the old Scorpion and the Frog story, some people, even with the best intentions, can not go against their base personality setting, and for those, they will always revert to what they know.
Still, there are the clients who come to me and say, “I want to change but I don’t know how,” and this is a good starting place, but it doesn’t mean they have what it takes to actually make the change and have it stick for any length of time. Although, some of these individuals to experience deep and meaningful, longstanding transformations.
If you truly and deeply care about someone, you might be willing to sacrifice anything to help them make the change you so desire to see in them, but it’s important to note that you can’t want for someone more than they want for themselves. As much as you might like this person to be the way you imagine them to be, even if you can clearly see their potential in your mind’s eye, he or she can only do what he or she is capable of. They may not possess the capacity for such a change.
And why would you want to change anyone to your perception of the image which you have carved out for them anyway? Doesn’t everyone have the right to be who they are? What about you? Don’t you have the right to be the person that you are? Don’t you expect others to respect you and allow you to be the person you want to be? Why would you not extend the same courtesy to this other person to be who they are?
You have the right to pursue your own individual path of personal growth and change. Only you can determine what is the best method and turn to take at any given time.