Expectations in Relationships

Being on the outside looking in at your relationship, you’re likely to see all the superficial things that appear to be contrary to the acceptable view of what a good relationship might look like. When you look at your relationship with your head instead of your heart, you can appear like two people contractually bound to each other, not unlike a prison confinement.

No one wants to be obligated to someone else by contractual agreement. If you’re with someone, and he or she is expecting you to perform or cater to their needs, wants, and desires, you would rather do it because you want to, not out of obligation or fear.

It’s natural to want to impose your expectations onto someone else. If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone with whom you would completely faithful, it’s natural to project your expectation of faithfulness on your partner. Seeing your partner through this filter of expectation can leave you feeling shocked by any indication that he or she may not be as faithful as you had expected.

People are vastly variant, and it is very rare that people will actually be on the same page at the same time, if ever. But you can establish common ground by open communication, sharing and caring, and having a clear understanding of each other and full knowledge about where each of you is.

Deliver the death-blow to any budding relationship by imposing expectations garnered from previous relationships onto your current one. For instance, if your previous partner massaged your feet before going to bed, don’t expect this to come naturally to your new partner. On the other side of the coin, if your previous partner betrayed you, it doesn’t mean your current partner will follow in kind. Everyone is different, and if you have negative expectations, your energetic attention to these details and their red flags may become a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Disappointment and hurt feelings are the rewards for imposed expectations. When you are feeling as though your partner has betrayed you (not met your expectations) it may be time for a heart-to-heart conversation. Note that while people are vastly different, they also change over time, and something that your partner may have done for you in the past, he or she may have outgrown. This type of open communication and renegotiation is something that must be conducted over time, any time you think your partner may have acted in some way that you didn’t expect.

Just because you thought someone was going to act/think/believe/be a certain way, doesn’t mean they are the way you perceived them to be. Even if you’ve agreed and pledged to treat each other in certain ways, this does not consider the potential for growth, change, or evolution.

Growth necessitates change, and if anything is constant in life, change is. The best way you can position yourself in an ever-changing world is to embrace change and to find a way to accept change when the time for it has come.

Your expectation to know certain things about your partner may both say something about your underlying need to know or have proof of something, and if your partner is feeling the need to not disclose something may say something significant about him or her. All this points toward a need to have a potentially difficult conversation to maintain a healthy couple connection.

Who knows?

If you are able to manage having a realistic relationship, accepting the potential for growth and change, without unreasonable expectations, you may find yourself entering new territory. The territory which leads to awakening to true love, unconditional love, if you dare.

Hit the Wall for a Change

Invariably when you’re in the process of growing and expanding into the higher version of yourself, your evolutionary process of you, and, “Wham!” You hit the wall.

Just when you least expected, here you are facing someone, something, some situation, circumstance, or even yourself in the mirror, and you ask, “How the hell did I get here?” (of all places).

Get ready for a rude awakening: This is for your highest and best, and this process will lead you to change. Yes you. Even if it looks like it has nothing to do with you, moving past this obstacle will take a change, maybe outside yourself, but you will have to change first before you can change anything outside of you.

If you can wrap your head around that whenever you find yourself up against any obstacle, seek what you can change inside first, then seek to deal with the whatever it is head on, you are so far ahead of the game.

Obstacles which interrupt our flow are indicators that we have something within that needs tending to, even if it’s not specifically associated with this obstacle. It may be to equip you with a skill to prepare you for something else further down the road.

What? Me change?

Your belief system might be resistant to change. Say the words out loud, “It’s okay for me to change.” Check in with your feelings. How does it make you feel about the idea of embracing change?

It’s really no surprise really, it’s a part of your genetic, cellular memory that was firmly set in place generations ago, when change was dangerous. Survival was based on a strong sense of maintaining a small community, with staying in the same location, supported by the same people, doing, thinking and being pretty much the same. Straying and exerting individuality could lead to loss of health and/or one’s life.

Things have changed and your changing leads to your expansion and evolution into the highest and best version of yourself.

Try being open to the idea of change, even embracing it. All it takes is a little allowing. Change doesn’t have to be forcible. I mean, if you aren’t open to change, you will still be susceptible to it, when it is forced upon you. If you think about it, you know it’s true.

Grounding yourself in a solid place where you are open, allowing change, receiving all the good things, including lessons waiting to be revealed to you, is so much better than fighting for your right to resist.

Think about what allowing change might look like. It can look like allowing people or things to leave your life, including ideals, thoughts and feelings about the past and the things associated with them. You can also allow new things to be revealed and come into your life.

You can allow yourself to want things you may have never wanted before. You can allow yourself to try something new, create something, or think differently. Allow the letting go or ideas or things you held onto tightly in the past and allow new thoughts and things pour over you, like a gentle rain.

You’re open to new possibilities, even if superficial, such as a change of shampoo, hair color, career, even relocation.

A deeper sense of change is initiated by the heart. Heart-felt change is powered by love. This is the most meaningful moment of change, a paradigm shift.

So, think about it…

What change is on the horizon for you?

It very likely holds the keys to unlock many doors.

You ready?

Ch ch ch Changes

I tend to get excited when I see people changing, reaching out and experiencing new life.

In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed trends in the changes expansion explorers are making in their lives who are making the world a better place. If you’re on a similar journey, you may find yourself:

You are okay with who you are and don’t have anything to prove to anyone else. You can be honest and open about who you are, where you have been and where you are going. You have a sense peace of your own personage and have no need to misrepresent yourself on social media or among friends or relatives. In comparison others with low self esteem feel compelled to create false identities, boast, consider themselves better than those less fortunate, or put other people down. These folks can actually begin to lose touch with reality. On the other hand, you are content with yourself and find your place within the world without having to participate in false witness of self.

You are finding more ways to feel and express gratitude as you are more appreciative of the simple things, and thankful each new day, for the people who are in our life, the opportunities that reveal themselves to you, and where you live. You experience an increasing sense of joy about the things in your life and the life that you live.

You are concerned less with the dark unknown of a foreboding future, while others are more apt to spend a great deal of time worrying about what may happen. You are finding more ways to live in the present, in the moment we call, “now.” You are not afraid of what the future holds. You don’t take the idea to the extreme, by doing nothing. Instead you make plans for a better future and take action to build a momentum leading to a better tomorrow and an increasingly better world.

You don’t feel a need or concern about what is outside of your control and accept responsibility for controlling what you can and the rest go.

After all, life is what it is, stuff happens, and we’re all doing the best we can with what we have,

Instead of dreading what may be luring in the wings, you find yourself anticipating good things, and as you do you find more joyous surprises and opportunities appearing in your life.

You’re more likely to take a risk to do something good, help make your local community a better place or even the world. If your initial efforts are not successful, you are not dissuaded and ready yourself for another attempt to make the world a better place.

You are more gentle and kind than you may have been before. You are more empathetic and able to see things from the perspective of others, are able to imagine what it might be like to be wearing someone else’s shoes, or even to have lived their life. And you are more inclined to offer to lend a helping hand to others in need.

You are more inclusive in your approach to life and are more often inclined to say, “Yes,” to new ideas and new opportunities. If you do not have the inclination to get out more, or huddle up on the sofa or plugged into the Internet, you might try spreading your wings and getting out to attend a meeting just to change up your exposure in your environment, you are finding new ways to integrate or participate by exploring new activities in unfamiliar locations. You may be surprised at how fun this can be, plus you’ll make new connections which can be extremely beneficial.

Interconnection with other people takes on new meaning as you are moving away from the need to defend yourself and exit the struggle for survival in favor of allowing yourself to flow. This enables you to have more meaningful relationships with others as love continues to grow and flow. This new perspective makes you feel more alive and able to love and accept others, and things, the way they are.

You are in less need of the approval of others as you realize that you are not living your life for their approval. You are less attracted to people who are not open, honest, empathetic or genuine, as the drama queens drift away.

You find you are far less judgmental than before as you are embracing tolerance, loving others, allowing them to be, and make their own way. You find yourself less apt to judge someone based on their appearance, the car they drive, the shoes they wear, or their facebook photo as the ability to see each individual’s innate beauty becomes more apparent.

You are no longer looking for a fight, to defend what you believe or force someone to prove their position on anything they feel is important, without disconnecting. You see the value in everyone’s need to believe. realize that all journeys are different, and honor their right to believe whatever it is in whatever way they need to.

Even when you get caught up in the rat race, which is easy to do, you become more and more able to step back, look at things from a new perspective and trade anxiety for a sense of peace.

You find yourself living a better life without regret or having to compare your life to anyone else’s. You are living a life of love and in this livingness you realize that you have found your genuine freedom and you are free indeed.

Just as you are less judgmental of others, you are finding that you are less likely to judge yourself too harshly. We all fall short, make mistakes and it’s okay, all part of the journey. Often what we learn from our missteps is far more valuable than we can see amidst our loss of balance… and we can keep moving forward, not allowing it to throw us out of the dance. We make it part of the routine.

You Spend resources (finances and time) more on experiences and less on material items. You are not dependent on adorning yourself with flashy, high fashion garments or baubles, nor are you easily impressed by compliments from competitive or jealous peers, rather you have a higher level of self esteem and would rather spend your resources on priceless experiences that create memories which could never be bought, sold or traded and are invaluable in comparison to materialistic pursuits.

Your dreams are taking on a new flavor as you realize that they need not be held afar off, out of reach, as you begin to reel them in for a closer look. You can now refine your dreams and choose to allow them to appear in this world, if you so desire. It may (or may not) be easy, but you are ready to take the action necessary to see our dreams come true.

You realize life is not a race and you allow yourself wiggle room along the way, giving yourself permission to take a sabbatical and reconnect whenever prudent, necessary, just to take a break or for the fun of it.

You are less likely to take things personally. You are no longer controlled, victimized or haunted by your past. You are now able to see your life ’til now, more as if you were reading an exciting novel, with all the good times, the bad and the unexpected plot twists, which make it all the more exciting.

 

 

Life Choices, Challenges and Changes

It is common throughout one’s life journey to encounter forks in the road requiring having to make a choice of which path would best suit one’s best interests, unexpected obstacles that present you with challenges or unforeseen changes in life circumstance.

You inner guidance system is there for you to assist you in examining all the possibilities when faced with life’s choices, challenges and changes.

life choices life challenges life changes opportunity

Choices

We are faced with making conscious choices that we must make as we navigate throughout our life’s journey, everything from the casual choices, like, what clothes should I wear; what food should I eat? How should I fix my hair; or which shoes should I put on my feet? To more consequential choices, like, should I tell my partner how I really feel; or consider a new vocation? Should I continue to conceal, reveal or consider relocation?

When facing more critical choices in life, we must consider all the ramifications of our decisions, enabling us to make responsible decisions; especially when our choices affect the lives of others who we share our journey with. An honorable person considers others outside of our experience in reverence of the greater good. To not do so is to be selfish, self-centered, or possibly narcissistic in the extreme.

Then there are the consequences of our choices that need to be reviewed before making choices, especially decisions that carry gravity in our social arenas, or may even affect the world that we live in.

It is prudent to seek out an unbiased third party to help sort out the best details. Unlike a professional, friends, family and acquaintances do not always have your best interests at heart when consulting them for advice because they have their own vested interests and agendas, when evaluating the details of your quandary.

Your inner guidance system is there to help you with your choices when you can find the proper attenuation or vibration to sense its knowingness, so that you have the highest and best probability of success.

Challenges

As we travel through this life, it is not uncommon to encounter challenges that we face. In some cases we may feel as though the obstacles in our way are insurmountable. It is your goal to reframe your life’s circumstances and develop a plan to mitigate the damages as you are empowered to face these challenges head on, with the best possible outcome.

These challenges can be at home, at work or in the most innermost part of our being when struggling with identity, (who we really are) or destiny (our life’s purpose) in an effort to enhance and enrich our lives as we move on to the next level of our higher self.

Changes

Unlike choices or challenges, which we have much more control over, there are times when we find ourselves in situations that have come about that are completely outside of our control.

This can be the result of loss; the loss of a job, failure of a business, a romantic relationship that has not turned out the way we had planned. The loss of a significant person in our life, either by proximity, participation, or even a loss of life altogether makes one’s journey more difficult to navigate in the light of such significant changes at times.

These situations need not seem utterly unbearable as it may seem. Oftentimes, effective communication with your inner guidance system can get you from the place where you are, often feeling helpless, to where you want to be, empowered, fulfilled and onto the high quality of life that you deserve.

Many tools, techniques and strategies, like the T Chart, are available that have been honed over a time that have helped others, just like you, who have struggled with life’s choices, challenges and changes.

It is time that you begin living your best life, achieving your highest and best.

Take back the reigns of your life and put you back in the driver’s seat, in control of your life circumstances.

 

Make Space for Something New

If you’re ready for something new, then you’re ready to create the space for something new.

Something old might need to be cleaned up or discarded to make space for something new.

The act of making space creates the energy necessary to increase the attraction of new things into your space. Create a vacuum and the universe will fill it.

make space for something new

Good things are coming to you… they are looking for space. Honor those good things by making the space for them.

Create space in your time. Are you always on-the-run? Schedule unscheduled time; make the space for something… anything and something will fill the space for you.

Frustrated about your wardrobe? Clean out your closet and see what apparel becomes more appealing, finding its way into those empty spaces.

Create space for a better life. Set aside an hour a day for your personal growth. Fill it with whatever comes, from meditation to hardcore personal research and development. This is your time.

Do an inventory of all the old things cluttering your life and bogging you down in old vibrations. A little housecleaning, garage sale, donation to charity or trip to the dump will ready you now only for a higher vibration, but might change your whole world as the things you’ve longed for have clear landing fields.

Where you are, right now, is a result of your vibration and the lack of space for something new. To expand yourself, you need a little elbow room, enough to make the space for new growth and expansion.

If you keep nesting in your old life, surrounding yourself with your old stuff because there’s a comfort in nostalgia which fuels the fear of the unknown, this may imbue you with a false sense of security. If this is so, you are likely to remain stuck in the life you’ve always known with some degree of compromise, comfortably numb. If you really are ready to begin your new life, make space for it.

It’s up to you to take the action, for if something did appear where would it go? If you have no time in your schedule, space in your home, office, closet, shelf space… It’s not welcoming the good things that long to bless you.

You might feel guilty about making space in your life. Many people find themselves compelled to put others before themselves, second guessing their potential for personal growth or change because it feels selfish in some way, or one might feel undeserving of anything good at all.

If you desire to move to the next level, you need to start saying goodbye you your old life of morbid mediocrity and making a concerted and conscious effort to move into the space where your personal best awaits.

Carving out an hour a day, a foot of closet space, cleaning out a section of the garage, making room on your bookshelf, spending less time with someone who drains your emotional reserves, whatever it is… this is the least selfish thing you can do.

Though your inner voice might condemn you about the pressing needs of your boss, clients, partner, children and friends who desperately need to consume every waking moment adding stress and strain to your already hectic pace, but the truth is

You cannot best serve or help anyone if your cup is empty.

Making space for something new is important self-care. You need to fill your cup to have more to offer those whom you love and care about.

Be bold enough to make it a priority to acknowledge your need and worthiness, while suspending disbelief long enough to dream a new dream and make space for your abundant metamorphosis.

If you do nothing, the weeds will overtake your garden, choking out any hope of new life. While you look at a distance, the patch of weeds looks green and lush enough to be pleasant. A closer look will lead way to disappointment as you consider the loss of potential fruit that could have occupied that very space, especially if you have desire or hunger for something besides the weeds.

A little weeding out the things that are restricting your new growth goes a long way, whether they are in your literal or metaphorical garden, which could be your schedule, home, office or may even include people in your circle of influence.

People in your life who are demanding your attention may be counter-productive to you accomplishing your goals or having the space for someone more supportive or beneficial to come into your life.

Now is the time to allow the opportunity for new growth, make space for it and all the good things that are waiting for you will fill the space you have created.