Is Your Partner Being Unfaithful?

What if your spouse or partner is sneaking around behind your back and not being forthcoming with details? Is your partner being unfaithful? Does it mean he or she is having an affair?

When you notice that your beloved’s behavior does not seem to be congruent with the intensity of the relationship that you think the two of you share, definitely something is going on. Is your partner cheating on you?

It’s not a good idea to jump to conclusions at the first sight of inconsistencies in your relationship. But when you notice things are not as they appear, or you’re feeling like something’s wrong, it is time to start paying more attention to what is going on.

And keep in mind that all affairs are not equal. Keep in mind that infidelity is not just sexual, as there are many types of infidelity, and your partner may be having an emotional affair, not necessarily a sexual affair.

So, what are some of the signs that might cause blips on your radar of suspicion?

Secrecy

Anything that looks or feels like secrecy, specifically things that go on in your partner’s life that you are intentionally made unaware of. What is he or she hiding? And why?

It makes any normal person wonder, what’s up?

Does there seem to be some secrecy surrounding the phone? Is there a regular practice of deleting texts, caller ID numbers, or emails?

Is there regular and lengthy telephonic, electronic, or face-to-face communication with “a friend” taking place in your absence?

This is almost always an indication that something’s going on behind the scenes, especially when you feel like this activity is going on behind your back. At the very least, this is indicative of an emotional affair.

At the very least, you can be certain that trust is eroding rapidly, or may no longer exist.

If your partner is reluctant to put a stop to the extracurricular conversation and relationship, this is a good indicator that your relationship is in trouble. You already know that if he or she seems to accommodate your wishes to no longer contact but then takes it to another deeper level of secrecy, you’re in real trouble.

If your partner refuses to cutoff an outside relationship that may be causing conflict in your relationship, you know that this person has more value to your partner than you do.

Do Not Accuse

Your first response to becoming suspicious or aware of inconsistencies in your relationship is not to accuse or respond negatively to your partner. Don’t start stalking or going through their personal belongings looking for clues of an affair. Just don’t do it. If you get caught trying to catch your mate sneaking around – and nothing’s going on – and you get caught doing so, it will not reflect well on you. Nothing good could come from that.

Do Share

Your relationship is about sharing your lives one with the other, it is totally appropriate to share your feelings, being certain to begin your statements, not with, “You,” but rather with, “I feel…”

Admit that your feelings are causing you to draw conclusions which may be wrong, and invite him or her to explain.

You are allowed to have feelings. Also be aware that your feelings may mislead you or cause you to come to conclusions that are less than rational. This usually heavily influenced by your past and may have little or nothing to do with this relationship. Nonetheless, you are still entitled to have feelings.

If you are accusatory and your accusations are unfound, then you can do some inner work to see what is there under your skin that might be making you feel suspicious about your partner.

Note your partner’s response. If he or she responds in a respectful, caring and concerned response, there is hope and your fears may have been unfounded. On the other hand, if your partner laughs at you, makes fun about how ridiculous your feelings are, and especially, if your partner counters with accusing you of having an affair (which means he or she probably is)…  There is not much for you to work with. You could do far better, regardless if there’s an affair going on or not.

If your partner admits that he or she was pursuing someone else’s attention, this kind of open transparency, honesty, is the best possible outcome, and can open the relationship to another level of intimacy.

Cheaters Have Nothing to do with You

It’s easy to internalize your frustrations if you’ve been with a partner who has been unfaithful. Cheaters have nothing to do with you. If you’re monogamous and committed to someone who is a cheater, when he or she has left, you might start questioning yourself. “What did I do?” or alternatively, “What’s wrong with me?” amongst other self-deprecating questions. When the truth is it’s about the cheater, not you.

Cheaters are gonna cheat. That’s just the way it is. You can change a cheater, it’s just the way they are hard-wired. Can a cheater change into a loving, caring, monogamous, and faithful partner? Yes. But you cannot change them. Only the cheater can change his or her life that drastically. Nothing you can do can change them.

Your first instinct is to blame yourself because you lack the full lovingness for yourself, so you question your worthiness, as all your insecurities rise to the surface, making you feel worse and worse about yourself, while the happy-go-lucky cheater is off on his or her next conquest.

Nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect in every way, only you do not realize it or know that all the love you seek resides within you waiting to be set loose in all its power and glory.

Lacking this true love from within, you will submit yourself to the endless abuse of not feeling as though you are not enough, questioning your authentic beauty, or over criticizing your income, weight, choice of apparel, hairstyle, mannerisms, possessions, family, beliefs, or any other endless possibilities that might make you feel less than worthy.

The choices other people make, the things they do, have nothing to do with you. You are for more inconsequential in the lives of people who have little or no regard for you than you might think. People just say or do stuff because their lives have led them to say or do this or that. That is all.

If it wouldn’t have been you, it would have been someone else.

You are not responsible for the life your ex- has lived up to this point and you can never know what is going on inside someone else’s head or heart.

In most (if not all) cases of infidelity or the inability for someone to make a long-term commitment comes from a lifetime of insecurity, fear, and/or abuse, every detail of which could never be fully known by any other person.

It’s up to you to look after your own feelings and sense of worthiness. You need to not let anyone have control over how you feel. In this way, you can reclaim your power from anyone who has threatened your otherwise sense of wellbeing.

If you let others to be responsible for how you feel, you would be just like your ex- who is constantly needing someone else to make him or her feel good. And when you make someone else responsible for how you feel, it works, but not for long.

If someone doesn’t like you the way you want them to, don’t feel bad. Be grateful that you found out when you did, because it could have been much worse had your relationship been allowed to continue in its dysfunction.

Your value is not determined by anyone or anything outside of yourself. Your preciousness comes from the love within yourself. Allowed to grow within yourself your love can expand and overflow to others and the world around you.

Without this unlimited source of love enveloping you, the best you can do is to mitigate your emotional state, with all its contradictions and inconsistencies, the best you can by applying emotional bandages (other people and what they think of you).

You are perfect, with all your imperfections, just the way you are.

You were born in love, full of love, and worthy of love, for you (in your truest essence) are love personified. Even if no one else recognizes your sacred divinity, it still remains true; you are pure love.

You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, ever.

You love yourself enough to walk away from any relationship which is not in alignment with your highest and best.

You and your love is all the love you need, and when the right person shows up with a vibrational frequency with is alignment with your highest and best, nothing can stand in your way.

Great love is on its way to you.