All and Nothing Therapy

Having studied and taught a variety of therapeutic modalities and working in the field of therapeutic science for years it is not uncommon for counselors, coaches and consultants to maintain a tool box full of these methodologies. While we may have been trained in a particular method, you might find the resulting techniques practiced by each individual varies in their method of delivering the specific techniques, as each practitioner develops their own unique style, based on their own prowess of all the therapeutic tools.

Lately, in a round table session with many therapists, I was able to query over a dozen practitioners who all admitted they had created their own version of strict methods they studied. Only two of them insisted they felt compelled to follow the exact modality as trained, in order to be authorized to add them by name to their menu of services offered.

In this group setting, I referred to this idea as, “All and Nothing Therapy,” as a contrast to the phrase commonly used as, “All or nothing.” It seemed to be an adequate title, at least for the conversation at hand, to describe the idea that most of us had created our own methods based on our specific training which honored the specific therapeutic model but had evolved in individual practice to only be closely related to the original version. And in most cases, the consensus seemed to be, that the evolved version was a combination of other previously learned therapeutic modalities.

So, if you’re going to see me, or any of my contemporaries, be forewarned, you’re going to have a life-changing experience unlike you will get anywhere else. That said, what are some of the things that we deal with on a regular basis? Well, we all agree that we’re in the paradigm shifting business, which is the broad stroke definition of what we do, while we all specialize. My specialty has evolved through many different focus groups from love, marriage, relationships and spiritual growth to business, with my current client list looking mostly like enlightened businesspeople at the moment.

It’s not that they are enlightened about their businesses so much, as they are entrepreneurs on a spiritual journey of enlightenment, while they are pursuing their businesses as an outlet of their spiritual growth, and supporting their (metaphoric) travel expenses along their journey. And there is a growing trend as I am seeing more and more spiritually inclined entrepreneurs expressing their message, skills and gifts, as an outpouring through their businesses or ministries.

One of the common issues they need to overcome include eliminating empowering others to slow their roll, or to get them worked up and over-reactive to series of words spoken by people who appear to be determined to pull them to lower energetic vibrations.

Think about it, if someone can say words to you that cause you to be offended, hurt your feelings or make you want to either fight or flee, this is not a reflection of the state of the person speaking the words. This is a clear indication that you have been predictably programmed by society to respond to those words in a specific manner and you fall for it every time. The mere fact that you respond to those words negatively, qualifies you to be a predictably manageable member of our society.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

With a little help of my friends, you can listen to someone’s litany of disrespecting or vile words and not be affected negatively. While we all may approach this challenge differently, with a little intervention, and a bit of skill, you can be emotionally bullet proof.

So, if you’re finding yourself being sensitive to what other people think or say about you, get some help. Seek out a counselor, coach or consultant who can take you through a metamorphic process that will have you thinking differently about the things that other people say, because the truth is,

People who judge others, are only expressing their own inner struggle and pain

There is no reason to take it personally, when someone is acting out because they are amidst so much inner turmoil or pain. This might be the only way they know how to relieve some of the pressure of their life. You might even think about how you are blessed to be the method for them to relieve some of this pent up frustration of pressure. Someone else may have really been deeply hurt by this person’s outburst.

You can take charge of this area of your life and/or any other part(s) of your life by embarking on your journey of empowering self improvement by learning how to be successful with personal development, if you’re so inclined.

Seek out a counselor, coach or consultant to be your accountability partner you resonate with and start kicking ass and taking names. Get in touch with who you really are, in tune with your life’s purpose and sharing your unique message, skills and gifts, because a better life is waiting for you.

If your life has been going on… and it seems pretty much the same ol’ same ol’, maybe it’s time to embrace your uniqueness and live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

 

Aren’t All Life Coaches the Same?

It’s not uncommon for people to have misconceptions about the types of coaches and mentors that I work with, especially if they have met one. After meeting someone who introduces them as a “Life Coach” and you get to know a little about them and what they do, you might come to the conclusion that this is what life coaches are like. Like most assumptive generalizations, nothing could be further from the truth.

That would be like saying that all government employees are the same. While they may share some similar characteristics, each coach, counselor or consultant is more like an individual work or art and no two are the same.

Out of nearly a hundred different types of coaches I’ve worked with, the most popular include the general life coach as well as coaches in specialized areas of business, career, communication, financial, leadership, mentoring, performance, relationship, and spiritual to note a few.

Each individual coach, counselor or consultant brings their own mix of varying degrees of innate skills, life experiences and professional training to become the ever-evolving version of themselves which they offer to others as a support system, and every one has his or her own unique style of coaching.

For instance, here are just some attributes of coaching styles that you might find in a potential coach:

  • Accountability partner
  • Acts as a guide and confidant
  • Assist individuals in breaking out of their comfort zone and expand their thinking
  • Assist others in seeing the superpowers shrouded by infirmity or disability
  • Assists in trying new things or a new ways of doing something
  • Challenge the person’s assumptions
  • Cognitive shift enabling clients to achieve their goals
  • Competition coaching in any field from sports to professional
  • Focus on experimentation, creativity and innovation
  • Goals setting and achievement
  • Help others turn bad experiences into treasure leading to a bright future
  • Helping people live in the now
  • Helps make a considerable break from the past
  • Helps remove blocks that may be the result of a hidden fear or limiting beliefs
  • Identifies with how the client is feeling
  • Identify personal or professional symptoms, find out the source of those symptoms, and help them find solutions
  • Increasing performance, personal and/or professional
  • Motivation and inspirational
  • Reflective consideration, overcoming the past to effectively move forward
  • Uncovering expansion of truth and belief systems
  • Work with a person resistant to growth
  • Work on personal standards and boundaries
  • Work with people on who they are, what they want and how to achieve their desires

There are so many different kinds of coaches with so many styles and specialties that it is nothing short of impossible a task to try to lump them all into a particular set of characteristics, even if based on their particular field of expertise.

So, if you’re looking for a coach, keep in mind that one size does not fit all. Find the right coach for you, one whose style resonates with you.

And if you’re interested in becoming a coach or mentor (or already are one) celebrate your individuality and be yourself. Embrace a style of coaching that suits you well and helps your clients achieve their highest and best.

Expectation Imposition

You can try to impose your expectations on another person, but is this really advisable?

I know, I’ve been there, too

I have been in the flow of helping others in counseling, coaching and consulting since high school. In the beginning my work was focused primarily on Christian counseling and I recognized that if it wasn’t impossible to legislate Christian conduct, it would certainly be immoral to attempt to do so. It resonated as true within my sense of being that a person could only conduct their lives in such a way as was congruent with any sense of rationality they could muster based on the individual lives they had lived up to this point in time, or simply put

Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have

counselor coach consultant training counselors coaches consultants

Yet early in my ministry, I kept running into walls and posturing against leadership promoting the idea that certain ideas and expectations should be enforced in order to allow participation in our program. After attempting to find ways to work-around these organized spiritual obstacles unsuccessfully, I determined more secular spiritual endeavors would better suit my ministry.

I mean, really? It appears to me that Jesus had an entirely more radical approach, like, “Love God, mind your own business and don’t screw anybody over” (admittedly, a Masters’ paraphrase, but you get the idea).

As I continued assisting others and later transitioned into training counselors, coaches and consultants, I continued to promulgate the idea that while trying to assist someone along their life’s journey, we should not impose our expectations on the client.

It’s not your life

You can, yeah but, me ‘til you’re blue in the face. I will never concede that you will ever know what’s best for another person. You may have your ideas, and by all means, it is your charge and responsibility to share your ideas, as well as others, to help your client see there are options they might have not considered.

Allow them to make their own way

You must allow them the space to make their own decisions and take their own actions and live out their own lives in their own way.

I have standards

Great; no problem with establishing a target market around the type of individuals you achieve the best results with. You only have a certain number of hours available to help others, it is prudent for you to establish your niche so you can better serve your clients with the resources you have available.

You cannot – and should not – try to be everything to everyone. This will lead to disappointment, discouragement and burnout (the fate of most non-specializing counselors).

If I can see that a client is not a good match for my coaching style, I do not demand they comply with my standards. Instead, I refer them to someone else who is better suited to help them with where they are on their life’s journey. Maybe, at a later date, we will be more compatible.

The easiest sign to identify a novice counselor, coach or consultant, is when he or she says, “I told them what to do and they wouldn’t do it,” with a certain degree of angst. While a more-seasoned professional might say, “I made some suggestions. In my opinion, they did not select the option I might have selected but c’est la vie.”

When someone doesn’t take advice from you and you’ve encouraged him or her to look at all the possible outcomes from various points of view, you might consider applauding them for blazing their own trail, then just sit back and see how their decision works out for them. You might be surprised (as I have been on many occasions) how well things do work out for them, even though you might not have fared as well.

And if things don’t work out for them as well as they’d hoped, for god’s sake do not tell them, “I told you so.” Instead, put yourself in their shoes; how would you feel if you were him or her? A little humility goes a long way. It is not your job to judge, but to empathetically support the client; not to validate your ego-dominated superiority.

Lighten up – Let it be

The Right Coach for You

I work with many coaches and therapists and actively engage in training and certification of coaches and consultants. In my work with many coaches and consultants, what I’ve found is that no two practitioners are the same.

The right kind of life coach counselor therapist consultant for you

This is the beauty of the landscape filled with those assisting others with a myriad of issues and circumstances in life and business. In a perfect world, you would be able to find the perfect match for a coach, counselor or consultant with the tools necessary to maximize the time spent with your specialist.

Successful practitioners are constantly honing their skills and expanding their areas of expertise in an effort to better serve their target clientele. I have close to 40 certifications under my belt and instruct 18 therapeutic science modalities.

When someone comes in to work with me, it is of primary importance that together we discern whether this is a good match before we pursue our work together. Depending on your needs and what we both bring to the table, I might refer you to another coach whom is better equipped or specializes in a particular area.

We all have different areas of expertise, and our practices tend to morph and change over time. For instance, areas of specialization that were predominant in my practice years ago are now better handled by others whose practices focus on those target areas.

You might be thinking, what about all those previous areas of specialization? (Especially, if you worked with me previously in an area that is no longer on the menu of services covered in my current practice.) Of course, I am grateful that you sought me out, am happy to see you again and proud of your progress and accomplishments, but I must be true to my current calling and focus and to you and yours. So in your best interest, I will refer you to another associate.

All this to say, if you’re seeking a professional to team up with in your local geographic area, chances are there is someone keenly suited for your needs, requirements and/or circumstance. Which implies that it’ll behoove you to seek out someone who is just right for you.

Just as you come into the office with a certain set of skills, you want to make sure that your needs are commensurate to the skills that your coach, counselor or consultant has command of or access to.

It might be a good idea to know what type of coach you are looking for, nonetheless, a good coach will be able to help you determine and locate an appropriate type of coach. Coaches can specialize in areas of life, life skills, spiritual, family, parenting, relationships, dating, health, wellness, fitness, personal performance, professional development, career, business, leadership and executive (secret weapon) coaching just to name a few (of over a hundred).

Coaches may also have practices that include alternative therapeutic modals, like NLP, EFT, hypnotherapy, etc…

In your initial intake consultation, you should be able to ascertain whether this is a good match for you. If not, there is a good chance that your practitioner can refer you to someone better suited for you.

Coaching Truth

You may know me by my work at Olympia Life Coach, or you might have taken any of my many classes or been trained and certified as a Life Coach by me, and if you have, you’ve heard me refer to the “truth matrix” at one time or another.

Having a grasp of the truth matrix can be extremely valuable in the way you interact with your life coaching clientele. In this business, you never know who is going to walk in your door and what condition they might be in.

Remembering that you’re in the business of helping someone do the best they can with what they have is of primary importance. You are not here to educate, train, or convince anyone of anything. Other experts in various modalities are called to ministries which persuade people to do or think in certain ways, but the life coach is there to support the client, period.

Clients may be predisposed to any concept of life or belief system. It is not the coach’s job to change what anyone believes, only to accept clients for who they are, believing whatever it is they might believe, without judgment or ridicule.

We do present clients with challenges, and a plethora of “what ifs” in an attempt to encourage clients to look at things from different perspectives, but their reality is solely their own, and we encourage them to make their own decisions supporting them all the way (unless it comes to a point where it becomes a conflict of interest, then you can refer them to another coach).

This is where the idea of the truth matrix comes in handy, as the truth matrix assumes that whatever the client thinks, or says is somewhere inside the truth matrix, even if it sounds contradictory to anything you might believe as being true.

The truth matrix honors the right of any client to believe anything they want, and enables you to support them 100% in whatever they long to accomplish in their life without judgment or criticism.

Of course, all life coaches are not created equal, and no two are the same. You are encouraged to specialize in particular areas of expertise. For instance, there was a time when I specialized in drug and alcohol addictions. Since those early days, I have moved on to other areas of expertise.

When someone approaches me, who desires coaching regarding alcohol or drug addictions today, I refer them to another Olympia Life Coach who specializes in that particular area.

I stay focused on the vibration of the areas of coaching which resonate with me at the time.

Certainly, if I am working with a client who encounters a bridge which must be crossed to better approach the goals and ideals which he or she is working on, I can reach into my cache of previous specializations if we can keep moving ahead without any loss of momentum. If it requires a more long-term commitment, again, I am likely to refer my client to another coach specializing in that area.

My client is welcome to either maintain the work with both coaches, each working in their area(s) of expertise, or alternatively to return following the other work which may cause conflict with their primary focus.

This is the beauty of working with many other coaches, counselors, and consultants in my practice at Olympia Life Coach.

If you’re interested in joining the team at OLC, contact me and I will see what we can do.