They Are Not Far Off

You’ve lost a loved one, someone who has slipped beyond this life and into the next. They are not far off. Of course, you are going to grieve and feel awful because there is no greater pain than losing someone you care about deeply, especially if it was someone you shared a deep connection with.

You can have a genuine, deep connection to anyone, even someone you’ve never met in person. This is the nature of human connection. It surpasses one’s ability to rationalize with the mind, nonetheless, the connection is deep and meaningful. If someone you don’t know personally passes and you had a deep connection with this person, the pain of separation can be just as great as if you knew this person intimately.

If this applies to you, it is best to do the greater part of your grieving in private, as grieving for someone you didn’t know personally is not socially acceptable, and your circle of influence among the living may begin to question your psychological wellness. It is sad but true. Don’t let them get to you.

This is referred to as disenfranchised grief, when you’re suffering the loss of someone who society has deemed you have no socially-legitimate claim to, such as a celebrity or an “Ex,” like an ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-spouse, or former step-relatives. Society may also frown on grieving for those who have died due to “questionable” condition, such as capital punishment or AIDS.

Other forms of grief which are shunned by society include professional relationship (even among caregivers and patients), and even your connection to a pet cannot be understood by someone who has never experienced the deep connection one can share with an animal.

In any case, you are entitled to the grieving process, and there is no limit to the amount of time that it takes for you to grieve. It takes as long as it takes, and no one can dictate how long it will take. Just know that in those most difficult times, it does get better.

You might find it comforting to know that when a loved one passes from this reality to the next, they are not far off.

“The other side” is not some faraway place in the heavens. It is all around us, as if in different dimensions of reality. While we are stuck here, vibrating in the third dimension, we (most of us) are limited to what we can experience in 3-D.

There are other dimensions where there is a great deal more life going on which we cannot see. In the third dimension, we can experience lower dimensions, like the second and first, but whatever life exists in the first or second cannot experience what is happening in the third dimension.

Likewise, if your loved one slips into a higher dimension, they can experience what is going on in the third dimension, where you reside.

That’s what I mean, when I say they are not far off. Their body and any pain or strife associated with life here is the property of the third dimension but the greater part of them is vibrating, living a full and happy life full of love in another dimension.

With very few exceptions, this happens instantly and seamlessly, even though we are unable to see or understand it fully. Though, you may have some idea of it if you have had a near-death experience (NDE).

If you have lost someone who has passed, with whom you shared a deep connection with (even if you didn’t know them personally, or not well) they are aware of that connection whilst on the other side.

They can see the connection, and be aware of your sadness and grief, even though they completely and utterly happy on the other side, and even so, they love you from there and wish that you were not sad, or in pain, but they can understand, for they know what its like to live in the third dimension, no matter how long they were able to remain there (in 3-D).

Occasionally, they will reach out and try to connect with you from the dimension where they now reside.

They might try to let you know they are not far off by finding ways to interact with you. There have been many stories about moving furniture, leaving cabinet doors open, hiding your keys, and the list goes on and on…

In my opinion, the most personal and intimate way for a loved one to let you know they are there is by touch. The touch from someone from the other side may not feel like a normal third-dimensional touch. It is more likely to feel like a very faint or gentle touch. More light a light brush of the skin that may feel a little ticklish, as if lightly brushed by a feather.

This is how my people from the other side let me know they are there. It happens both in times of sadness to reassure me that they are not far off, and it also happens when I am in a high celebratory state, or they just want to let me know that they are supporting me or sharing some other experience alongside me.

And when you become aware of this type of cross-dimensional communication, there is no doubt of the continuance of your connection. As if there was no separation at all.

One day, you will find yourself with them, interacting with other loved ones who have stayed behind in the third dimension, and you will understand and know this fully.

Invisible Ties that Bind

The invisible ties that bind us together are unseen shackles which keep us tethered together. These energetic cords are like umbilical cords through which the person or people that to whom we are connected draws energy, our very life force, from us.

You become connected to so many people throughout your course of life, and if you continue through life without doing a bit of spiritual and emotional cord-cutting, you remain deeply connected to the people whom you’d be better off freeing yourself from.

The first cords you establish are those that connect you to your parents, good or bad, loving or hateful, these cords connect you to your parents for life, unless you can go through the process of freeing yourself from their energy drain.

You are also energetically corded to people you admired, loved, cared for, people who have befriended you, done a favor for you, have had sex with you, or abused you. You can feel the connection when you think about any of these people. That energetic charge is very active because you are still connected to these people, and they are draining your energy, not unlike energy vampires, even though they may not be currently actively participating in your life today.

Whenever you make a promise, vow, or are indebted to someone, an energetic cord is connected. The connection remains, even long after the situation is rectified, expired, or the debt has been paid, unless you go about the work of disconnecting this invisible energetic connection.

You may have gone about the work of severing your relationship with a person from your past, yet, the invisible ties that bind remain keeping you connected to a person whose energy you would be better off without. As long as you are still connected to this person (these people) you will be unable to focus your energies and abilities to achieve your highest and best.

You will still be able to maintain a better life, but while these cords remain and persist in draining your precious energy, you may be prevented from realizing your best life.

Especially in past relationships, when you have pledged your love to someone, even long after that relationship has run its course, the connection and the energy drain persists as you continue to be haunted by the person you promised to love.

Traumatic energy connections also keep you connected to individuals and incidents which you would much rather be free from, holding you back and restraining your full potential in the present moment. These negative energetic cords are a leading contributor to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

While you remain connected, you will continue to attract these people to whom you are connected or other people who share a similar vibration, life, lifestyle, negative energy, or psychological profile.

When this energy remains connected to you, it clouds your vision and will project itself onto those new people, relationships, situations, and circumstances, triggering false cues or suspicions as the energy of the connection is projected onto your viewscreen of the present.

As unfair as it might seem, it remains a matter of fact, that unless these cords are cut, and you are free from these energetic drains from the past, it will hinder your potential to live your best life, free from these shadows and connections, and it may lead to physiological decline in health, wellness, and may promote a sensitivity to disease.

Psychotherapy might suggest a violent attempt to dig down into the recesses of your mind, having to drag you through each detail of the past, which is a traumatic process in itself, and though it may be effective, can take months or years of therapy (which works incredibly well for the therapists bottom-line).

For this reason, I prefer more modern (or ancient) methods of cutting cords from the past which are far less invasive, instantaneous, and have lasting results.

Think about how you know this to be true and ask yourself if you think now is a good time to sever the invisible ties that bind you to the past, so you can live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Hit me up, if you need a referral.

Touch Me

Without touch humans will die. Among the living things on this planet, humans in particular, require being touched and nurtured as part of the survival matrix. A controlled study of infants who were not given proper nurturing (gentle touch, holding, verbal interaction, eye-gazing from another human being), while all other nutritional, health needs, and physiological needs (less the nurturing) were met, experienced a high mortality rate.

We know that hospitals, prisons, adult care facilities, and cemeteries are heavily populated by people who were not given adequate nurturing, human touch, and interaction in their younger years. While they received enough attention to survive, they were denied the ability to thrive for lack of touch.

Human beings need to be touched. The lack of compassionate human touching sends people in a whirlwind of exploration and searching for something to fill the void left by lack of touch. This pleasure-seeking enthusiasm leads to over-compensation by engaging in activities which seem to appease the need, or make you feel better, even though these efforts do not satisfy for long.

These activities include seeking material possessions, hoarding of objects or financial resources, living above one’s means, intense focus on increasing social status, moving into positions of power, risk taking, thrill seeking (engaging in potentially dangerous or questionably legal or moral activities), substance abuse, self-centered enhancements (i.e., cosmetic surgery, bodybuilding, etc.), among other things which can stave off the need for physical connection, including successive sexual encounters.

Sex and human connection with compassionate touching are not even closely related, therefore, the quest for successive sexual encounters, while it will ease the pain until the next dose, will not sustainably fill the void left by not touching and being connected to others.

Years of seeking to fill the void of left by lack of authentic human connection and nurturing touch, leads one to the conclusion that nothing can fill the gap, and without connected physical touch, the immune system declines, clearing the way for disease and one’s deterioration of heath.

If you are among those who did not receive adequate amounts of compassionate nurturing as a child, you probably don’t even know how important it is to you. You do not need to live your life as an A-type personality in a fervor to keep up with the Joneses, spending your life scurrying through the rat race, turn to a life of addiction, or crime, etc. in an attempt to feel better. You can engage in some healthy activities which can fill the void left by lack of connection.

Snuggling with a pet (that is not averse to the idea of snuggling) can help to feel the void, and it doesn’t even require the engagement of another person. This is a good source of connection in the absence of another human being and has proven to be effective for increasing health and longevity in the elderly.

Hugging (while it may sound crazy, at first) is an excellent non-threatening activity. If you are not well-acquainted with the idea of compassionate hugging, just for the sake of hugging without any sexual or manipulative intent, it can take some time to get used to the idea.

A 7-second hug boosts the immune system and releases health-enhancing feel good hormones, like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, while a 20-second hug (which would be awkward with someone with whom you did not know well or were intimate with) increases the effects exponentially.

There are other methods available to subsidize your lack of touch and to neutralize the effects of lack of touch in your childhood. These can be explored with an aware third-party, coach, or counselor.

Loving How to Communicate in Love

Heartfelt communication can make the difference between sweet love and love crisis in love and romance. How you share those most important issues any normal couple faces amidst your love life makes all the difference in love and loving. How to communicate in love with compassion is the doorway leading to the next level in your love’s exponential potential.

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt created a loving technique which helps you understand how to communicate in love and relationships called the Imalgo Dialogue or “safe conversation.” This is a process of moving through communicative exchange between two people which engenders loving how to communicate in love.

Here is a basic structure you can follow to experience what it is like to engage in the loving communication model.

Let’s say your partner has something important to say to you. If you want to use this safe conversation model to have a deeper level of connection and communication with your partner, oversimplified, it would go something, like this:

1. Tell me about it.

Allow your partner to tell his or her story.

2. That’s interesting. What else?

Now, you’re inviting your partner to delve deeper into their story.

3. How does that make you feel?

This is safely inviting your partner to share how they feel, which is often overlooked in conversation, unless it is exposed when negative communication styles erupt emotionally.

4. Is there more?

Let’s face it, we’re all a little protective about how we feel. This is a safely guarded spot in our heart, where we hide our feelings. Being invited by your partner to express any underlying, deeper emotion, is not only increasing your connection, it also enables you to examine and rationalize what might be underneath why you are feeling the way you’re feeling.

5. Let me see if I’ve got that.

This is when you restate your partner’s story, and how they feel about the issue at hand in your own words, trying to see it from his or her point of view, including how he or she feels about it.

6. Is that right?

This invites your partner to make any corrections to your attempt to understand his or her point of view. Let hi or her correct you, then repeat go back to step 5. Repeat as necessary, until your partner indicates that you have a good understanding of his or her perspective and feelings regarding the topic at hand.

7. Is there more?

This introduces a loop back to step 4 which might appear to be redundant but actually, your partner has often uncovered more about the topic of this discussion, discovered new information, and found links to other emotional issues from the past. There may be new information to share.

When all is said and done, you can lovingly let your partner know,

“I see how that make sense. And understanding that, I see that it could make you feel…” fully supporting him or her without interrupting, challenging, or judgment. This is compassion in action.

You can find out more about the Imalgo Dialogue in Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.

Empathic Understanding

Connection via empathetic understanding is the real connection between two people and is the most endearing act of love and honor which one can present to another. This connection is the most meaningful part of any relationship. You know it. You remember when you’ve felt it. When your friend finishes your sentences, when you’ve had a strong bond with a teacher or mentor, you felt connected, understood.

You know this. Yet, surprisingly, I see a lack of empathetic understanding as the underlying indicator of trouble ahead in the most important relationships, between lovers. Maybe you felt a connected and/or understood in the beginning (though that was likely a more powerful driving force than connection) but after a while, you realize that the connection you felt was simply you projecting your desire to be connected and understood onto your partner.

When you’re in the projection mode, you see everything interpreted through your special lens which is rose-colored and sees synchronicity in all things. Following the passing of time, things that used to be “cute” are becoming annoying, and you’re no longer feeling as though you are connected or understood, as you once thought you were.

When you’re projecting your feelings onto your interpretation of another person, you feel as though they are feeling your feelings, even when no such connection exists.

It is this feeling of another’s feelings that Stephen Covey refers to as his, “Habit number 5: Seek first to understand then to be understood” in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is the connection which exemplifies the highest integrity and connection between two people, whether used in business relationships, or more importantly, at home. It is a powerful connection which promotes and deepens respect, trust, and intimacy.

This simple method of joining the worlds of two people into a united vision felt by two is the secret of the most successful relationships. Sometimes it just happens organically, and the two people don’t even know they are doing it. For the rest of us, we need to first understand the concept before we can even think about attempting such a thing. And it’s on you to proactively take the first step.

Understanding is not giving advice, being over-protective, or fixing things for another person. Empathetic understanding is simply the process of actively listening, inviting them to dig deeper, and even more deeply, until they have gotten it all out, while you are using your imagination to feel what it might be like to be in that other person’s shoes, empathizing with him or her.

Empathetic Understanding

If you’re unaccustomed to this higher level of listening, it may take some practice. Creating a safe and sacred atmosphere can be an important component when someone is sharing something close to their heart, so eliminating distractors, such as the TV, music playing in the background, or retreating to a place where more privacy can be established are excellent ways to honor your partner’s sharing.

Nodding your head and looking them in the eye indicates you’re listening, while you are resisting your inclination to interrupt or interject when they are sharing. Let them speak their piece and listen carefully. When they pause, simply try to restate what they just said in your own words, starting with, “Let me see if I get what you’re saying…”

Then ask them if there’s anything more they’d like to say about that? And let them continue. Repeat this as many times as necessary, until they’ve announced that’s all they have to say.

Rather than give in to the urge to counsel or help him or her fix something your partner is concerned about, after first imagining what he or she might be feeling, feeling it as though you were feeling them yourself, offer up validation of your partner’s feelings. Something like, “Wow, you must have felt devastated.” And allow them to either agree with you or reclarify what they are feeling about what they were sharing. If they reclarify, imagine what it would feel like from that perspective.

If you have different opinions about something like your partner was terrified by a ride at the amusement park and you found it exhilarating, you can validate your partner’s feelings while agreeing to allow each other the right to their own experience. For instance, you might say, “I can feel how terrified you must have been on that ride,” (empathy, and continue) “but I was having the time of my life.” It’s okay to have different points of view, but very important to deeply understand where your partner is coming from and honor them by allowing them to have their experience any way they want to.

If they’ve intimated their story to you devoid of feelings, it might be helpful to lightly probe and encourage them to share their feelings by simply asking, “How did that make you feel?”

I think you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level.

Fear of Abandonment in Love

In many relationships, fear of abandonment can find ways to thwart your attempts to find love, no matter how you try. Dealing with one who has fear of abandonment issues, whether this applies to you, or someone you’re in love with.

In most, if not all, cases, fear of abandonment can be traced back to one’s childhood. It is often linked with a mother or primary caregiver who was not there to provide the proper nurturing, caring and attentive support to the child. Regardless of the reason for the lack of nurturing, whether the primary had to work, or had personal issues or unavoidable circumstances to properly love and connect with this little baby, this young child grew up insecure.

This insecurity could express itself as either avoidance or anxiety.

Avoidance

In the person who expresses his or her fear of abandonment as avoidance, he (avoidance if far more common among men) or she will likely retreat when his or her partner is crying out for love and connection. When witnessing his or her partner expressing his or her need, the avoider will make a bee-line to a safe place.

Commonly, he or she will retreat to the office, or some other location deemed as a “safety zone,” and so it is not uncommon for avoiders to become workaholics.

As a child, the avoider found self-sufficiency and finding comfort in solitude his or her coping mechanism in dealing with a primary caregiver who did not give them the love, attention, and support they so desperately needed in those young and formative early years.

Anxiety

If the person who was raised with abandonment issues found reward from crying out or clamoring for attention, then this will likely carry over into adulthood. The anxious person carrying fear of abandonment issues will likely be stirring the pot in an attempt to get the attention they seek, even though this obviously is an ineffective method of getting them what they want.

What do they want?

In either case, whether they are operating from a place of avoidance or anxiety, both of these individuals are desperately in search of the love, safety and security they were denied at a very tender, young age.

Since we are often drawn and attracted to someone like our parents, you will have someone in your life that triggers the abandonment threshold which throws you into a state of panic or fight or flight response.

This emotional state of emergency disconnects the part of the brain which is reserved for rational thought as they follow their knee-jerk instincts which seek to protect them from further abandonment. So the avoider retreats and the anxious person who fears abandonment pitches a fit because the avoider feel safe in seclusion and the anxious person gets attention (even though it is negative) when they act up.

This reactivity does not foster a healthy environment for creating a congruent connection between two people. In fact, it does just the opposite, it keeps these two people from having a positive, loving and supportive relationship, which is just the opposite of what they so long to have. But for them, it has not become about connection, it has been reduced to its simplest form of survival, so they react and prevent connection from happening.

And there’s a good chance that you are either one of these, either suffering from avoidance or anxiety paradigms, and you are also in a relationship with one, and there’s an even greater chance that if you are in a relationship with someone also suffering from fear of abandonment, that your partnered with someone who is the other type.

In most fear of abandonment couples, one is the avoider and the other is anxious.

What can I do, if I’m in a relationship with someone who has fear of abandonment issues?

Good question. Thankfully, there is a cure for what ails the person who is dealing with fear of abandonment issues.

Avoidance

The person who is suffering from abandonment and has embraced avoidance as his or her coping mechanism wants love and connection but has no idea about how to get it. He or she retreats and expects you to leave.

The key, here, is to do exactly the opposite of what he or she expects. Don’t disconnect yourself, instead, be totally supportive, reach out and touch the heart of the avoider in such a way that he or she longed for in childhood.

That’s right. Treat him or her like a baby, hold him or her in your arms, look him or her in the eyes and say, “I am here for you. I know you feel like running away, right now, and that’s okay, but I will be right here for you. I love you. I really, really love you. I am here for you and I will never leave nor forsake you. You can depend on me.”

The results may not be immediate, but as you gain the trust of the avoider and he or she begins to realize that you are there for comfort, support, safety, security and benevolently offering your loving kindness, and he or she sees strength, consistency, and dependability in your love, he or she will open up.

This might be the first time he or she has ever felt safe.

Anxiety

The anxious person suffering from fear of abandonment needs the same thing. Needs to know he or she will not be judged or ridiculed, desires to be loved, accepted and embraced in love.

When he or she is acting out, this can look like a rant or a fit of rage, but in reality, it is only this person’s inner child crying out for love and connection.

Likewise, instead of berating or getting defensive, make eye contact in a loving and non-threatening manner, just as you would a little baby, reach out and hold him or her, let him or her know that they are loved unconditionally. And if it was something that you did to trigger this response assure him or her, “Hey, I can see that you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I never meant to do anything to hurt you. I would never intentionally do that. I am here for you. I love you. I am here for you.”

Again, if you are honest and true, your love will shine through in your actions, and this person might be able to feel safe and secure in your love.

The more secure he or she feels over time, the more infrequent the reactions will be.

And there is a third type of person who suffers from fear and abandonment. This one is the,

Trauma

Having suffered trauma as a child, this person acts out more expressively, probably jumping to conclusions and making irrational accusations, over-reacting to circumstances and scenarios that might seem mundane to anyone else.

The traumatics are often their own worst enemy driving away those whom they desperately want to be loved by.

Again, just like everyone else, they are desperately in search of love and connection.

If you are brave and steadfast enough, your love can break through the protective walls they have built around themselves.

Love can be a dirty business, but there is no greater love than being the reason that someone has sincerely felt safe, secure and loved for the very first time.

Reach Out and Connect

When you’re reaching out to connect to people, then by all means do it.

In a society where connecting is more and more limited to less and less; that is to say less face to face communication and more electronic interaction, with less content. Today, we maintain such a high pace and level of activity, that we don’t have time for anyone else but that which we focus on.

What are we focusing on that is so important, and what do we have to show for it?

I don’t know; let me check how many people liked my last post?

It looks, to me, like there is some force at work in the background of our society to keep us so busy doing nothing and keeps us separated with an artificial sense of remaining connected. Whether there is any underlying purpose, or not, the fact of the matter is that our culture is changing, and it you want to connect with someone in a relationship, a business affiliation, or as part of a movement, you’re going to have to have a different approach.

Technology is definitely a part of how we connect, there’s no denying that, but do something more. Yes, connect with each other on social media, but If you want more out of this relationship than a tick on your social media account create a better connection by offering something of value.

I always try to leave someone better than when I met them, if I can. Encourage them, help them see the good in something they thought was not, give them something that could potentially change the way they previously thought about something, or help them imagine what a better life might look like.

None of this is tangible or costs you anything but a few moments of your time, yet can be extremely valuable. Value does not depend on your cash outlay, or a retail price, but more value is placed on things that touch our hearts, or make us feel something.

If you can leave them with something to touch that they can keep with them, even better. Even with business cards fading into the dark ages, I still think of them as a physical item that can be put in someone’s hand. It may have little or no value, but to remind them of you and your conversation (hopefully it was a good one). It doesn’t have to be a business card, it could be anything, a lucky penny or stone, a napkin with your name and email scrawled on it or something that might cause them to remember this meeting sometime after departure.

They may not reach out to you, but BRAVO, you’ve made a connection, one that has a potential of being more meaningful than a new Facebook “friend” or Twitter follower.

If I want to hear from someone again, I like to give them a reason to contact me; so I’m likely to ask them to do something that they can get back to me on. Most of the time, they don’t (not soon, anyway) but it’s given them something to think about, and it gives them an excuse to reach out to me and create an even more meaningful connection.

I hope the future of relationships is not on the brink of vanishing from the planet altogether. The good news is that people still desire connection, and they’re supporting it with their dollars. They are willing to pay to feel like they are a part of something, and “connection” is the only thing that businesses are effectively using to compete with the big corporations.

This is a very good sign that there is hope for connectedness in the future.

If you don’t believe me, just ask your hairdresser.

Reach out, connect face-to-face, give them a talisman, an invitation to follow up, and bless them.

Relationship Skills for a Better Life

Since you do not live in a vacuum, you are surrounded by a wide variety of people who add color and depth to your human experience, how you manage these people (or how they manage you) are based on your relationship skills.

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes from spousal, cohabitation, familial, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Sometimes, family (our closest relationships) are the most difficult to manage.

Probably, the most important skill you can have in managing your relationships is communication. How adept or inept you are at demonstrating your communication skills can have a huge impact on the relationships you manage.

It’s pretty apparent if you possess pathetic communication skills. For instance, people constantly misunderstand what you’re trying to say, you are prone to get into heated debates (even though you may feel like you’re winning), and your emotions run high when you are talking to someone about something that is important to you (and more likely, not positive emotions). Is it any wonder people are less likely to want to be in your presence?

By building your relationship skills, you can develop deeper, more meaningful relationships, which promotes more success, abundance, and happiness in your life.

Some things you might consider in building your relationship skills might be,

When a conversation is heading into difficult territory, avoid bringing up the past. By staying current, you and the other participants are less likely to be defensive of fill like they’re being attacked.

Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What might it look like from their point of view, having lived the life they’ve lived? Sticking to your guns, and not allowing someone to see, think of feel differently, only causes separation, while allowing people to be who they are creates more affinity.

Pay attention to what they’re saying. Use active listening skills by repeating what they’ve said in your own words to acknowledge them and let them know you’re understanding what they’re saying.

When somebody says something that is contrary to what you might believe, or you’re feeling criticized or challenged, don’t ready yourself for a battle. Try not to be so defensive, and respond with an affirmative, “Oh, that’s interesting.” And if they try to pick a fight, don’t let them drag you into destructive banter. Stay your ground and remain positive.

Give up the idea of winning and seek ways you can arrive at compromise. Finding a way to compromise means “everyone wins.” Avoid win/lose conversations or situations, and don’t settle for win/lose compromise where one party is making all the concessions. Make sure both parties give-in and both parties get some of the important things they wanted.

If the conversation is getting heated and emotions are rising, take a break. Agree to do something else for a pre-determined amount of time and return to the subject at hand, after taking a break, when you are refreshed and can revisit the topic with clear heads and hearts.

Blaming someone never accomplishes anything but causing more division. Find ways to take responsibility for whatever you can. This helps to relieve the pressure, plus it gives you more control, the more responsibility you take. Why? Because you’re the only one who can control you.

If you think things are getting away from you, then seek a coach, counselor or consultant who can advise and act as a mediator to break through any barriers you may be facing.

Make time to cultivate your relationships. Don’t let texting or social media be your only connection method. There’s nothing that compares to authentic face-to-face time. Create opportunities for more in-person conversation, leading to a deeper, more meaningful connection.

It’s not just enough to be in the presence of someone, like at a movie, or a conference. Make time for a little face-to-face interaction before, after, or during breaks to communicate and interconnect directly.

If you’re not in the habit of it, be bold enough to freak out your friends and family by calling them via voice phone (no texting allowed, here) for no other reason, just to say, “Hi,” without any agenda, other than to let them know you were thinking about him or her.

If someone is important to you, let them know, even if only in some small way. Send them a note, or some small token of your affection, thanking them for being a positive influence in your life. These people help give your life meaning.

If your relationship is built on a foundation of love, don’t be afraid to let them know, if not by words, then by touching them appropriately while communicating with them, or greet them with a light hug or some other appropriate gesture.

Weave Your Own Web Around the World

We’re all here, players in each other’s life dramas. In some ways we’re all one and in others, there’s really no one but you. And it’s all true. How confusing is that? The best you can do is to play along at the best of your ability.

So, play along, reach out and be a connector. Find ways to connect with other people and find ways to connect others to each other. Be a web weaver of the world.

It all stats with you, so get out there and start networking (and overused word, but adequate). This is a great excuse for you to get out and start connecting. As you connect, try to get to know about something significant about that person, what is their gift, calling, or at the very least, “what do they do?” Care enough to get a way to contact them, even if you aren’t able to see a need of their services for you.

Because as you weave your web around the world you are able to connect people with one another, stretching your web of connectivity throughout the world. Being a connector is invaluable. Some of my favorite people are massive connectors. Be a connector.

Reaching out to people face-to-face is by far the best way to meet people because it helps you get past the superficiality of a person’s cover story. Certainly, there is a wave of acceptance that comes from social media interaction, but still this is only superficial. An authentic connection can only be made hand to hand, eye to eye. Even video chat can’t compete with that.

Think about it… Are you more likely to feel as though you know someone if you’ve met them face to face, or viewed their facebook or linkedin profile and exchanged a few messages or emails?

You want to make yourself available to the people you meet. Doing so without expecting anything in return. For instance, if you meet someone who needs a publicity agent and you introduce them to someone you’ve just met who is one of the best in their field, and you connect them. They go on to do great things in the world, and they don’t forget what you did for them.

This endears them to you, and they will feel a sense of wanting to return the favor someday. It’s just the nature of being a connector, if you’re not using your connectivity as a method to manipulate others, because this energy will be felt by heart-centered individuals, and this will actually repel them from feeling a sensitivity towards you and your cause(s).

When you’re fortunate to get to meet someone face-to-face, get to know them at a deeper level. When I am blessed enough to meet someone, I try to find out more about them than is represented on their business card, web site or facebook profile. You don’t get this chance every day, find out where their heart beats.

Connect like-minded people. As you get to know people better, you’re more able to interconnect them powerfully, heart-to-heart. People who are connected, working together, who share a similar vibrational resonance will far outperform non-like-minded individuals trying to work on a project.

Reach out to other connectors who are also building their own webs of connectivity. This can expand your connectiveness exponentially. Social media is an excellent method to find other connectors, but remember, if you really want to connect, seek a way to get face to face, and offer them your best, expecting nothing in return.

Connections fade away if they are not nurtured, so stay in touch and create opportunities to connect even more with your people. You cannot survive in a vacuum. Check in with them without being salesy or spammy. If you’ve connected with them authentically, your people will want to stay in touch.

As your network builds, calling on the phone becomes less efficient, and I think your people understand this, so it’s okay to reach out in less effective methods, like via email, or private message. They will understand, but still want to keep in touch.

If you’ve connected people, and things don’t work out, offer to lend a hand in making things right. This will turnaround a potentially tragic scenario into a massive, “save,” and you emerge the hero.

Be dependable, reliable, authentic and integrous in all your interconnectedness while web weaving all around the world.

Want to meet people? Be the creator of opportunities for face to face interconnections by creating your own social and networking events. Get out there and create your own events. Yes, you can spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to put on a posh event, but you can charge or fundraise to support the overhead. Just make sure you over-deliver.

And once you start – don’t stop. Everyone is watching you, to see if you’re inauthentic, or just out to promote yourself or make a fast buck. No, give, give, and give… and keep giving. It takes a while to build trust among your people, especially those in the fringe, who are considering moving through the crowd to get to you.

Stay on the task and keep weaving your own web around the world.

Communication and Connection

We are, all of us, ingredients of the human soup. There’s no formal step-by-step recipe, we’re just all lumped together into the boiling pot of life. How do you like that?

All of us are ingredients in different soups, all simmering throughout our lives, and some of us have many soups simmering throughout our days. There’s the home soup, the partner soup, the work soup, the travel soup, the school soup, the news soup, the friend soup, the shopping soup, the spiritual soup,  the community soup, the world soup… it goes on and on. You’re managing more soups that Campbell’s.

If we’re all going to be in this soup together, don’t you think we should find ways to interact with each other while we’re in the soup together?

No matter what kind of soup you’re in, your ability to effectively communicate with the other ingredients in the soup can lead to the creation of the best tasting and satisfying soup experience.

To better communicate with people, try not being rude. If you’re in the habit of interrupting or finishing sentences for someone, try letting them finish their own sentences. When you cut them off, they may be reluctant to re-engage and you may lose creating a connection with this person. Let your conversation be inviting and encouraging the other person to expound on their thoughts and reach even deeper in their relation to you. Not cutting off someone mid-sentence or thought, invites them to be more open, creating an environment for greater connection.

While you’re not interrupting, you might consider really making the effort to listen intently to what they’re saying and indicating you are listening by not only acknowledging you are listening, to verify by feeding what they are saying back to them. When you’re actively listening in this manner, you are less inclined to be thinking more about what you will say next. When you’re not actively listening, you may only be picking up key words and phrases and planning your response. Not listening intently could have you missing something of importance.

Don’t let your thoughts drift off or otherwise disconnect from the conversation. Even if you disagree with what the other person is saying, let them say their piece. Don’t take a defensive position and let them know you have respect for their point of view.

Try to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground by resisting the temptation of exaggerating opinions, circumstances of facts in an attempt to gain control or superiority when engaged in a difficult conversation. Don’t use exclusive hyperbole such as, “You never,” or, “You always.” Rarely, if ever, are these exaggerated claims ever true.

Seeking to affix blame onto someone else, only distracts from the ability to resolve or come to a logical conclusion in any circumstance, while setting the base tone of that conversation in a negative vibration from that point forward. You can only change or affect anything that you take responsibility for.

When you are conversing and potentially creating a connection with someone resist the temptation to reach into the past bringing up and breathing life into otherwise dead issues. Try to keep your conversation current, in the present tense. Anchoring people in the past is far from the integrous intention of focusing on the now. Often the past casts a haze on the clarity of what is transpiring today.

No one’s position has ever been converted by debate. So avoid this type of adversarial conversation at all costs. All debating does is to bolster and further solidify the other person’s position while promoting separation. Keeping the conversation open, honest and permeable fosters an environment where people are willing to let down their guards, and allow the conversation to reach a deeper level of connection. In this state, people are more vulnerable and may be more open to new ideas, or even question dogma.

Surrender any inclination you might have to win in any conversation. Always be open to the idea that your desire is to arrive at a mutually beneficial resolution without causing emotional distress. Honor what the other person has to say. Let your conversation be fueled by love and mutual respect, not the need to dominate the verbal exchange or to be the winner (which implies that the person you’re talking to is the loser).

In the event that things are getting emotionally charged, tense or heated, take a break. A brief time out can be appropriate and allow each of you to re-center yourselves. You don’t necessarily have to break exposure to each other completely (like leaving the room or taking a walk) as this might look like abandonment. Instead, think about offering to change the subject completely to something you both can enjoy taking about while agreeing to resume the difficult conversation following the brief recess. Approaching a difficult conversation after a break can help to let parties think more freely and openly when their emotions aren’t overriding their ability to effectively communicate or connect.

If you have differing points of view, honor the other person’s point of view. Think about it; don’t you want the other person to honor and respect your point of view? Of course, you do. So, doesn’t it just make so much sense to treat the person with whom you are trying to conversate or connect with the same respect? It’s up to you to set the proper environment of respect and potential connection. Certainly, you need to be able to express your opinion or offer you unique perspective or share your concerns, but do so motivated by love, not aggression.

I am regularly remembering the advice of Steven Covey, to “Always seek win-win,” (habit #4 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) in any conversation. By applying these methods of effectively communicating and connecting via earnest conversation, everyone wins, no matter what soup you’re in.