Your Emotional Electric Fence

Ever wonder why you take everything so personally?

Why does something someone else says or does seem to get you agitated, upset, angry, sad, hurt your feelings or have a tendency to make you feel bad?

Do you ever find yourself wondering,

“What is wrong with these people?”

The more sensitive your personality type, the more severe the negative impact on your state of mind and the greater your propensity to feel bad, maybe even to the point of becoming physically sick.

All these are indications that you might be taking things too personally, leaving you wondering,

“Is there is a better way, a higher vibration that could help to mitigate the damages of how I feel about what other people do or say?”

emotional electric fence taking things too personally keep off defense
Your emotional electric fence can have you taking things too personally. Keep off defense.

First off, you must be able to wrap your mind around the idea that you are the master of your own life, and you get to choose how you feel. I know this may sound like a stretch at the moment, but bear with me and follow along…

You have the power, complete control, about what you feel about what others say and do. When you allow someone else to make you experience negative feelings about someone else, you give your power away to that person, submissively taking on the role of the victim.

What can you do when what someone says or does makes you feel like you’ve been (mentally or physically) assaulted?

Do what any reasonable warrior would do when attacked, as quickly as possible, assess your attacker (Who is this person? Is this someone whom you have a long-term relationship with?), and the potential threat (Do you fear consequences for disagreeing, challenging or not going along with him/her/them?).

Have you made compromises in the past to appease them, and then felt as though you suffered by not being true to yourself or your integrity?

Are you experiencing more inner turmoil or drama for appeasing, giving in, or going along with whatever they want just in an effort to keep the peace?

Is the value this person brings to your life great enough to outweigh any respect for yourself that you may be sacrificing in an effort to keep this person in your world?

If you are reacting to something someone has said or done negatively, you are clearly looking at it from your own perspective, as if this person attacked you and you are faced with the same emotional impact had this person slapped you across the face, or hit you with a stick. You post up, ready for a fight, and immediately defend yourself or counter attack to make things worse.

You’ve made a snap judgment based on your sense of right or wrong, or metaphorically surrounded yourself with an electric fence that sets off an alarm when someone approaches certain locations. And maintaining this emotional fence is far more important than anything the other person might be going through, because you’ve totally rejected there being any other point of view. You haven’t given a thought to what the other person might be thinking, seeing, responding or reacting to.

You’re expending a great deal of emotional effort to maintain your emotional electric fence, you could be in a constant state of defensive awareness, watching all your monitors in your control booth waiting for any breach that might trigger your fence. What if it’s not about you?

What’s it like to be in his or her skin? Where is this coming from? What is the meaning or purpose behind the manner in which they are expressing themselves? Do they express themselves in this matter to other people, too, or just you?

Maybe this person does not have communication skills as good as yours. Maybe this person has lived a life where he or she thinks that this specific method of delivery is the only way for their voice to be heard. Is it possible that they are overcompensating for low self esteem, or have problems with interpreting or setting boundaries?

It’s hard, if not impossible, to imagine or know what has happened in this person’s life that makes him/her react or try to communicate in this fashion.

Your propensity to fire off a warning shot when someone approaches your emotional electric fence is an indication that your vantage point is too close to the fence. You need a little more room between you and your fence to give you that brief second to evaluate the situation at hand without having to react first.

You have certain sections of your fence which are more sensitive than others; be aware of them, and put a little more space for reaction time between those areas.

In the place of time and space which you’ve created between you and your emotional electric fence, take that time to assess the situation and circumstances before you react. This can have a huge effect on your initial reaction and can lead to a more positive outcome.

Resisting your initial reaction to be defensive or launch a counter-attack, as gently as possible, assert your need to understand what the other person is trying to say. Give them the space to state their case. As you listen to them, try to imagine what it must like to be in their shoes, maybe look at what might be underneath or behind the words they are saying, to try to better understand not only what they are trying to communicate, but who they are.

If you have felt as though they were being mean, disrespectful or vicious, feel free to let them know, and encourage them to try a different approach the next time. They may have no idea of your sensitivities toward certain methods of delivery. It is possible that this is the only way they know how to express themselves. In this way, you might be able to help them look at and evaluate their own tactics and maybe make some necessary adjustments.

In the event that you are unable to establish a mutually beneficial communication style, it may be time to limit exposure to this person or separate yourself from him or her altogether.

This is your life, and you never have to subject yourself to potential abuse; and only you can determine what this means to you.

You are the master of your own life, and you get to choose how you feel.

How Do You Feel About Things?

How you feel about things in life greatly influences your general state of mind. For the most part, how you feel about things dictates what kind of life you will live, how healthy you will be and how long you will live. Mental and physiological health is keenly attuned to how you feel. The people who have control of how they feel about things, maintaining a more positive outlook, experience a more stable emotional vibration allowing them to have more happiness, good health, love and longevity.

If you are actively taking responsibility for living a better life, you are looking at your mind/body/spirit dynamics and taking care to optimize your life and lifestyle. You’re more conscious about what your relationship with your body is like and you’re more attentive of the food you eat, maybe you’re exercising more, spending more time with Mother Nature, you are taking a more proactive approach to how you conduct your life, but are you making the effort to control how you feel?

A healthy holistic lifestyle includes influencing, taking more personal responsibility and being conscious about your intellectual and social health, physical health and the health of your emotional state. How you feel about things, your emotional state, greatly influences the health of all the other areas of your life.

Life brings you a great deal of opportunities to negatively influence how you feel about things. There are our familial and social relationships and interactions with other people with whom we do not maintain a relationship as life goes on all around us. Other opportunities to affect how you feel include your vocation, finances, your health status, concern about your community, and the world at large.

If you are to get a grip on how you feel about things that are presenting themselves to your awareness, you are more proactive about taking responsibility for what you are exposed to, if you are able.

The amount of stress you are exposed to can have a huge impact on how you feel, so managing stress is a key component in feeling better about life in general. Stress reduction should be of primary concern for establishing a better emotional state and by exposing yourself to fewer stressful situations, you will feel so much better about what life presents to you.

Many techniques are readily available to reduce, manage, or eliminate stress which is felt physiologically including meditation, breathing exercises, positive affirmations and visualization. Only you can determine what best suits your personal taste and resonates with you.

Eliminate media exposure to things that make you feel bad about life, the government or your safety. Most media comes packaged with an infectious negative vibration which affects how you feel about things. Consider turning off the TV, avoiding negative news and Internet feeds, by taking a media hiatus.

Guarding your thoughts to prevent you from focusing on things that are negative will go a long way in feeling better about life. Avoid negative self-talk, which leads to poor self esteem and diminishes confidence, making you feel helpless, if not hopeless, about your life.

Start reprogramming your mind positively. Get into a routine of reciting positive affirmations, and honoring yourself by speaking words of kindness and love about you, who you are, how blessed you are, and how your life may be a blessing to others. As you retrain your mind to think more positively, you will feel better and your physiological health will also get much better. It is a fact of life.

Learning how to let go of negative emotions, like uncertainty, sadness or anger, is hugely beneficial because if you hold these feelings inside they deplete your immune system and you become more susceptible to failing health and disease.

Finding a confidant who you can trust and talk to, as well as writing out in a journal how you feel about things negatively in the past as well as in the present, or even things that may be looming in the future, can be an effective key to releasing pent up negative emotions.

These practices in self-care will make you feel better about living a better life:

  • Engage in stress reduction techniques
  • Eat food that nourishes your body and exercise
  • Wind down and calm yourself for a good night’s sleep every night
  • Limit or eliminate exposure to negative news and media
  • Don’t put off dealing with issues you face in life
  • Practice positive and loving self-talk
  • Do something fun, that you like, every day

And forgive yourself for everything, for after all, you are doing the best you can with what you have.

Love Balloon Therapy

If you’re having a heavy negative emotional response to any person, memory, situation or circumstance – one that causes psychological or physiological pain or discomfort – you might consider initiating the Love Balloon Method for relief.

Used in my practice, the Love Balloon Method, is a simple guided meditation technique that relieves the stress and trauma of a challenging life event while retaining the lessons learned. The Love Balloon Method can be an effective therapeutic process in your life and/or practice.

Equipment Required

  • A Penny
  • A Balloon
  • A Pin (optional)

The only props needed for this process is a penny (or any other small object to be used as a focal point, such as a crystal or stone, etc) and an unused balloon. I use a penny due to its conductive properties and they are readily available, but you could use anything of a similar modest size. The balloon is used for its insulation quality and also as an active part of the emotional release process and the pin (or any sharp object) to pop the balloon when appropriate.

The Love Balloon Process

Relax

Relax in a comfortable position and focus on the person, memory, situation or circumstance causing your discomfort. You may find the emotional impact from this event or thing disrupting your life or day at unexpected times causing you to feel uneasy, anything from mildly uncomfortable – to – sick to your stomach or other pain in your body.

Close Your Eyes

For this moment in time, you are simply finding a peaceful place in your mind to relax prior to starting the process as you hold the penny in your left hand, palm up, between your thumb and middle finger. When you have achieved a reasonable state of calm and peace you are ready to move onto recalling the event.

Recall

Using your imagination – with your eyes closed – recall every detail about the object of your discomfort. Ramp up all the emotional impact that you can so that if on a scale of 1 – to – 10, your emotions would be as close to a ten as possible, as if you were as hurt, angry or uncomfortable as if it were happening, right now.

Watch TV

In your mind’s eye, shrink the scene down so that you see the event in its entirety as if it were on a television screen. Now step outside of the television screen, so you can clearly see all the events taking place from outside the TV. Outside the television you remain safe from the event(s) taking place. You can view the entire scene and while it may be uncomfortable to watch it play out before you, you are separated from the scene as it plays out before you.

From this vantage point, you have the remote control, and see how you can pause the scene, fast forward, rewind, , zoom in, zoom out, play in slow motion and adjust the sound of the scene. In fact, you will be surprised and/or amused at how much control you have other the entire scene. Try it now.

White Light, Love and Joy

Imagine a beam of white light beaming down from above, right down through the top of your head, passing through your head to your heart, filling your heart with the light of love and joy. Let this light flow full force and spread its glow throughout your whole body and overflow out through your feet and into the earth below.

Let the television turn and spin as it is engulfed by the heavy flow of love and joy to shrink and follow the flow to the area of your heart, where it spins in the heart’s vortex of light, love and joy.

Hand on Heart

Place your right hand on your heart, creating an overflow of light, love and joy recycled as it overflows from the heart, traveling through your right shoulder, through your arm, out your palm and in the area of your heart where the TV spins even more.

Charge the Penny

When you are ready, right hand still on your heart, send the TV and this incredible love, light, joy and energy down your left arm and see it flow into the penny. See the penny glow in white light while the TV is locked safely inside.

Open Your Eyes

Penny to Balloon

Take the balloon now with your right hand and stuff the penny with your event trapped inside into the balloon. The balloon is made of rubber which acts as an insulator. Safely tucked inside, you can feel the penny but cannot feel any of the emotion. Inside the balloon, it is just a penny.

Blow Up the Balloon

In the knowledge that the flow of light, love and joy, still flowing through the top of your head to your heart and overflowing out through your feet, breathe in and see your breath filling the area of your heart glowing with the light of love and joy. Use this love and joy infused breath to blow up the balloon.

Repeat inhaling into your heart and blowing as your exiting breath filled with light, love and joy continues to fill the love balloon.

Filled Love Balloon

Once the balloon is filled with all that light, love and joy, you can either pinch it or tie it off and sake the balloon. You can hear and feel your penny bouncing and rattling around inside. Imagine how silly and amusing your problems seem bouncing around inside the love balloon. Smile and increase your joy as it bounces around, even allow yourself to laugh at how funny this all is.

Release with Love

After you have amused yourself sufficiently and realize you are ready to finally let go of the emotional impact of the event. Honor the event by allowing your mind to be able to find the goodness, the lesson and learning from having lived through this event as you release all the emotional control this person, memory, situation or circumstance had over you in love.

If you are pinching the balloon, release it with the grand, flatulent sound of sudden deflating and laugh or even cheer as it is gone. Alternative, if you have tied the balloon, pop it and your problem explodes along with the balloon.

Celebrate Freedom

Celebrate by uttering a vocal, “Wa-hoo!” or some similar phrase that makes you feel good. Do a jig and dance around the room. You are now free from the emotional impact or abuse from this person, memory, situation or circumstance.

Wa-hoo!

I love the love balloon.

Penny for Your Thoughts

To use this process, you will need some privacy, a copper penny and the ability to reduce your discomfort to a single emotionally-charged statement.

A. The statement

An example might be something like:

Penny for your thoughts“I hate it when (insert name) disrespects me and treats me like garbage. He’s (or she’s) a dirty rotten (insert expletive)!”

Make certain to include his/her name and some inappropriate name-calling (even if you might not do it in front of anyone in real life) and make sure that when you speak the statement you muster up all the bad feelings you possibly can.

Say the statement out-loud just to make sure it is an emotional match to how hurt or mad you are.

B. Place and charge the penny

There are three location of your body that you will hold the penny flat against your body with your non-dominant hand.

The Places

1. Head
Just above and between the eyebrows against your forehead
2. Heart
Over your heart
3. Stomach
Mid-way over your stomach-area.

Starting with the head location, hold the penny flat against your forehead, repeat your emotionally-charged statement (you should feel the negative emotion as much as you possibly can) and charge the penny.

The Charging

As you repeat your statement, tap the penny at a comfortably rapid pace with a finger (or multiple fingers, if that is more comfortable for you) of your dominant hand.

This charges the penny with the electrical components of the emotional charge from your body.

Repeat as many times as necessary, repeating the phrase and charging the penny at the head, heart and stomach locations.

Usually three rounds of head, heart and stomach will yield a major reduction in your level of pain and/or discomfort.

C. Discard the penny

Smile. You feel better. You’re done with that penny and statement. You will find that you can now verbalize that very statement without feeling the emotional pain connected to it. Congratulations!

It’s so effective, you might like to get another penny and try another painful emotion that you’ve kept bottled up inside.