Your Emotional Electric Fence

Ever wonder why you take everything so personally?

Why does something someone else says or does seem to get you agitated, upset, angry, sad, hurt your feelings or have a tendency to make you feel bad?

Do you ever find yourself wondering,

“What is wrong with these people?”

The more sensitive your personality type, the more severe the negative impact on your state of mind and the greater your propensity to feel bad, maybe even to the point of becoming physically sick.

All these are indications that you might be taking things too personally, leaving you wondering,

“Is there is a better way, a higher vibration that could help to mitigate the damages of how I feel about what other people do or say?”

emotional electric fence taking things too personally keep off defense
Your emotional electric fence can have you taking things too personally. Keep off defense.

First off, you must be able to wrap your mind around the idea that you are the master of your own life, and you get to choose how you feel. I know this may sound like a stretch at the moment, but bear with me and follow along…

You have the power, complete control, about what you feel about what others say and do. When you allow someone else to make you experience negative feelings about someone else, you give your power away to that person, submissively taking on the role of the victim.

What can you do when what someone says or does makes you feel like you’ve been (mentally or physically) assaulted?

Do what any reasonable warrior would do when attacked, as quickly as possible, assess your attacker (Who is this person? Is this someone whom you have a long-term relationship with?), and the potential threat (Do you fear consequences for disagreeing, challenging or not going along with him/her/them?).

Have you made compromises in the past to appease them, and then felt as though you suffered by not being true to yourself or your integrity?

Are you experiencing more inner turmoil or drama for appeasing, giving in, or going along with whatever they want just in an effort to keep the peace?

Is the value this person brings to your life great enough to outweigh any respect for yourself that you may be sacrificing in an effort to keep this person in your world?

If you are reacting to something someone has said or done negatively, you are clearly looking at it from your own perspective, as if this person attacked you and you are faced with the same emotional impact had this person slapped you across the face, or hit you with a stick. You post up, ready for a fight, and immediately defend yourself or counter attack to make things worse.

You’ve made a snap judgment based on your sense of right or wrong, or metaphorically surrounded yourself with an electric fence that sets off an alarm when someone approaches certain locations. And maintaining this emotional fence is far more important than anything the other person might be going through, because you’ve totally rejected there being any other point of view. You haven’t given a thought to what the other person might be thinking, seeing, responding or reacting to.

You’re expending a great deal of emotional effort to maintain your emotional electric fence, you could be in a constant state of defensive awareness, watching all your monitors in your control booth waiting for any breach that might trigger your fence. What if it’s not about you?

What’s it like to be in his or her skin? Where is this coming from? What is the meaning or purpose behind the manner in which they are expressing themselves? Do they express themselves in this matter to other people, too, or just you?

Maybe this person does not have communication skills as good as yours. Maybe this person has lived a life where he or she thinks that this specific method of delivery is the only way for their voice to be heard. Is it possible that they are overcompensating for low self esteem, or have problems with interpreting or setting boundaries?

It’s hard, if not impossible, to imagine or know what has happened in this person’s life that makes him/her react or try to communicate in this fashion.

Your propensity to fire off a warning shot when someone approaches your emotional electric fence is an indication that your vantage point is too close to the fence. You need a little more room between you and your fence to give you that brief second to evaluate the situation at hand without having to react first.

You have certain sections of your fence which are more sensitive than others; be aware of them, and put a little more space for reaction time between those areas.

In the place of time and space which you’ve created between you and your emotional electric fence, take that time to assess the situation and circumstances before you react. This can have a huge effect on your initial reaction and can lead to a more positive outcome.

Resisting your initial reaction to be defensive or launch a counter-attack, as gently as possible, assert your need to understand what the other person is trying to say. Give them the space to state their case. As you listen to them, try to imagine what it must like to be in their shoes, maybe look at what might be underneath or behind the words they are saying, to try to better understand not only what they are trying to communicate, but who they are.

If you have felt as though they were being mean, disrespectful or vicious, feel free to let them know, and encourage them to try a different approach the next time. They may have no idea of your sensitivities toward certain methods of delivery. It is possible that this is the only way they know how to express themselves. In this way, you might be able to help them look at and evaluate their own tactics and maybe make some necessary adjustments.

In the event that you are unable to establish a mutually beneficial communication style, it may be time to limit exposure to this person or separate yourself from him or her altogether.

This is your life, and you never have to subject yourself to potential abuse; and only you can determine what this means to you.

You are the master of your own life, and you get to choose how you feel.

Fear Disguised As

Fear is a chameleon, able to blend-in to any thought process it can find in your mind to stealthily thwart any opportunity for growth or change. Fear is the driving force of your soul’s dark side that has the ability to masquerade as other thought processes, keeping you from achieving your highest and best.

fear-disguised-as-other-emotions-prevent-advancement

Fear may disguise itself, like:

Fight or Flight

The fight or flight response is the most recognized form of fear in action. Certainly, flight is a fearful condition, but fear can masquerade itself as preparing you for battle. It can cause you to defend your position using disrespectful tactics, choosing (emotional) weapons of warfare to battle otherwise supportive or inconsequential people in your circle of influence. If necessary, fear can escalate your emotional state to anger or rage, compromising rational thought.

Worry

Often closely associated with fear, worry keeps you distracted with heavy negative thought processes that have little substance for reality. Based solely on fanciful thought-plays fear will have you second-guessing and running endless debilitating “what if” routines until your mind is moved to complacent inactivity, overwhelmed by fear.

Doubt

“I don’t know, doesn’t’ sound right to me,” is fear’s way to keep you from entertaining an otherwise potential opportunity to make a change in your current life’s path. When masqueraded as doubt, fear often looks very similar to the kind of intuitive hit that someone gets from the heart which seeks to preemptively protect you from an otherwise unhealthy or even dangerous situation. This is the fuel that powers skepticism.

Overwhelm

When you’re at a crossroads and are looking at alternatives and paths to research or pursue, fear will seek out and present and flood your mind with so many opportunities, that you mentally abort the entire idea from fatigue, making it possible to come to a rational conclusion or make a decision.

Procrastination

Whether as the result of overwhelm, or not, procrastination is fear’s tool that prevents you from being able to take action. Taking action is the key to moving you in any direction, keeping your life from becoming stagnant. Just thinking about moving in any direction causes fear to awaken and if it can convince you not to take action today – simply put it off ‘til tomorrow – it can keep you complacent as you reside yourself to only passively fantasize about any potential movement or change.

Perfectionism

How many times have you failed to complete a thing due to feeling as though it is not good enough? This is fear disguised as making sure everything is just right, based on your lack of self confidence or fear of not attaining a certain level of perfection. More often than not, your intense attention to detail interrupted by any other of fear’s interventions, will stay off any potential hope of completion.

Responsibility

Creating a lifestyle based on responsibility or a sense of duty is fear militaristically acting out as a subconscious drill sergeant keeping you in-line with your dedication to conformity in a diligent lock-step fashion, disguised as “doing the right thing.” In a sense making you believe that staying the same is the right manner of living and to veer off the existing path would not be practical.

Mockery

Making fun of other people or circumstances with sarcastic overtones is fear preventing you from seeing value in other people’s (society’s or the world’s) progress. Zooming-in and exploiting a mis-step or mishap due to the efforts of someone or something else to change or advance, is fear protecting you from any inclination to move forward, because you would not want to be mocked or made the fool for trying to do so yourself.

Self-righteousness

The idea of thinking that you’re safe and secure in your complacent circumstances is fear-based and thinking that you are far better off rigidly defending your current place in life can make you feel as though you are better off than others who have not dug and settled into their own life-long foxhole. You have a feeling of superiority and look down on others who are not like you. You may also see others as untrustworthy, adversarial and feel compelled to disrespect, bully them or put them down.

Being Victimized

Being victimized is fear’s “safe haven” for otherwise progressive individuals. If fear can convince you that you have suffered a horrible injustice and keep you in a state of feeling victimized by others life circumstances or the establishment, it has built for you a nearly inescapable prison, where you can find safety only within its bars.

Apathy

You’re basically bored or could care less about anything. Fear will keep you without concern for others, society, the world or anything that is, “not my problem.” This nonchalant lack of interest makes you lethargic and creates space within your mind, which will seek out meaningless activities or thoughts to keep you in a state of unconscious consciousness, unable to be affected by anything meaningful.

Unmotivated

Fear drains chemicals (primarily dopamine) from the brain to reduce fleeting surges that may have given us enough motivation to actually make some progress. Fear seeks to maintain the status quo and reducing dopamine levels will keep you unfocused, maybe even lazy and less able to follow-through on life-changing moves (no matter how small).

Exhaustion

Many of fear’s processes can keep you in a state of fatigue which can thwart and hope of possessing the wherewithal to see anything through to its logical conclusion.

Look Behind the Mask

If you look behind the mask and remove the costumes wielded by fear, you can see it for what it is. Once identified and exposed, you can seek measures to counter its effects if you so desire.