Do Others Control You?

When you get upset at someone else, about what they have done, or some injustice you’ve suffered due to people, events or circumstances beyond your control, you actually bequeath to another (whomever you feel the offender is, whether it be another person, organization, government, system or even God) complete control over you.

While it feels as though someone or something outside of yourself has insinuated circumstances which has in effect victimized you in some way, as might be the case in terms of the loss of a job or a loved one, or the diagnosis of a severe illness, it is up to you whether you allow yourself to become a victim, or not.

If you feel bad, allow your feelings to be hurt by someone or something outside yourself, for every moment you allow your thought processes to be distracted by someone or something else due to your emotional state, you are forfeiting control.

Who You Blame is In Control

The object of your mind’s focus (whoever or whatever they are) is indeed in control of you and your emotional state. If you are blaming a circumstance, person, place or thing for things going badly or some injustice which you have suffered, then you are a willing victim to the object of your attention.

Is that what you want?

If someone has wronged you, do you really want that person to continue to further victimize and have control over your life?

In terms of psychopaths, narcissists and those along the Anti-Social Personality Disorder spectrum, they revel in the idea that they are honored by being remembered by you and are constantly in your thoughts. They feed off your negative attention and it empowers them to conduct more discontent in the world, as they continue to further enjoy the fruits of their efforts to drag you down and you continue to sink into depths of despair.

Your discomfort, loss, sadness and depression is their continued reward. They arrogantly acknowledge complete control. They assert their win and your loss as they enjoy every minute of it.

do-others-to-control-you-stop-blaming-take-control-responsibility

How to Stop Giving Away Control

The key to taking back control of your life is to stop blaming someone or something from causing your current negative emotional state.

If you want control of your life, you need to assert control and the only way to do that is to accept full responsibility for things being as they are.

Stop Blaming

Take Full Responsibility

You must find a way to stop blaming and start taking full responsibility.

A common method of taking responsibility is to accept the fact that your life is a journey, a path you travel which will have many experiences, some good, some bad, all to experience a full range of emotional states and allowing you to gain knowledge and grow as a result of the myriad of experiences you have along the way.

I, on the other hand, enjoy taking it a step further, imagining myself in a far-off place high above the world where we live out our life’s journey. In this place, I selected my parents, the time and place of my birth, the circumstances surrounding my journey as well as the challenges and obstacles that I would face to maximize my experiences throughout the course of m life.

I imagine myself as if I were off-camera (so to speak) hooked up to advanced equipment, enjoying having all the experiences that I have while hooked up to this equipment.

From this perspective, I am much more likely to not take things personally. It’s as though all my life experiences are part of a film I am watching, though I am able to experience all the sensations of my character in this medium.

If this is too far out of a concept for you to wrap your head around, no problem; you need not go that far out in space.

Just find other ways to stop blaming and accept full responsibility for your life. Find ways to release the emotional pain by any ways or means possible and retain the learning from all life events.

The Past is the Past

One of the most debilitating conditions humans can encounter is that of emotional pain, from loss, abuse or regret. Interestingly, we suffer this pain independently of any physical condition, yet the physiological distress can be as serious as the psychological discomfort.

Indeed our thoughts control our emotions, and our physiological wellbeing. When the past haunts us in our present state of mind, the past is not in the past as it keeps impeding on the present becoming a component of “now,” instead of being safely stored in the past where it belongs.

the past is the past

When one has suffered a psychological trauma (which can be demonstrated physiologically as illness or disease) as a result of something that has happened in the past (like, post traumatic stress disorder, for instance), the standard response from someone who hasn’t walked a mile in your shoes is, “Just get over it. The past is the past.”

Ah, “the past is the past;” the mantra of the psychopath. That’s what a psychopath says when he or she has committed a significant transgression, and expects you to disregard the past because it cannot be changed (here’s where they insert assertions about how much they’ve changed, assuring you that you would never be at-risk again) all in an effort to set you up for the next unexpected blow.

In general, psychopaths are unique in that they have no feelings, no feeling of love, remorse, guilt… they are psychologically bullet-proof (or bankrupt)… they have no need to seek forgiveness, nor do they accept responsibility for their missteps… To those of us who suffer emotionally from being abused, wronged or traumatized, this would be considered a superpower… and in some ways, it is.

Bottling up suppressed emotional trauma related to the past weighs heavily on the normal operating condition of the human body and is not an effective approach to dealing with PTSD.

Thankfully, there are therapeutic models that help people deal with traumatic incidents that have been experienced in the past that continue to thwart our sense of well-being. Enter what I refer to as, “Time Machine Therapy.”

I know that the idea of a time machine seems like a bit too much science fiction for the average person… but time travel has been accomplished using the power of the mind for thousands of years, though some intellectuals insist that it’s only been about 150 years… It doesn’t really matter how long it’s been, what does matter is that it is an effective process that can have valuable healing power today.

With access to this potent therapeutic modality we have challenged that famous catch-all phrase, “the past is the past,” because now, we have a method not only to access the past, but to manipulate or even change the past.

It’s also important to have access to the skills that it takes to let go of the past, to disconnect the physiological connection that leads to discomfort and stress. There are many methods available to help you overcomes traumatic loss or change in your life, and to put you back in the driver’s seat of your life.

Being distracted by the concerns about one’s past makes it difficult to navigate one’s present. That is why it is imperative to deal with the issues of the past for a normal person (does not apply to psychopaths or sociopaths) in order to not have your cognitive resources bogged-down with the burden of yesterday.

It is imperative to begin to live in the present, and you can get you from there to here and powerfully empowered to be the best that you can be.

You might ask, “When accessing or altering the past, do we still retain the lessons learned?”

That’s a good question; and the answer depends on the client. In most cases, we can retain the memories, disconnecting the feelings connected to them. In rare cases, entire memories need to be altered or erased in order to preserve a healthy perspective of the client.

A common response to that is, “That sounds like brainwashing!”

You may associate a lot of negative associations to the idea of tampering with one’s memories, but this is done at the request – and with the full cooperation and consciousness – of the client; and in times of emotional crises time machine therapy is a healthy alternative to a condition that might otherwise be unmanageable.

In the event that wiping the slate clean is necessary, the client is always equipped with the combination to the mental safe that keeps those memories locked safely away, if it becomes important to access them once again.

Once you are in charge of your life again, you will find yourself making positive progress, changing your future and the world for a better life, your best life and make the world a better place. You may feel regret from opportunities that were lost as a result of your previous struggles with issues from your past – as though you have lost a piece of your past that may have been better spent – and may have thought that you lost your chance for this or that… Not true. Once you are back in the present you can be and do more than you may have ever imagined because you are more empowered and aware than ever before.

You will no longer be limited by false inhibitions or past burdens. Everyone deals with the issues of their past in different ways, and there are a quantity of tools and techniques that ensure that you can have a positive outlook for you and those whom you care about.

 

Crime Victim Recovery

Realizing that you have been victimized in some way by crime can have a devastating effect on one’s life. One can become a victim of crime in many different ways. Some examples of the types of crime victims that can be overcome include:

Adolescent Victims of Abuse

This could be a young, underage person who has been physically or emotionally victimized either by another adolescent or adult and may include molestation, or physical abuse resulting in injuries, like, bruising, broken bones or other maladies. This could be an immediate issue, or one that has continued to cause suffering through adulthood.

you meant to victimize me crime victim recovery

Adult Physical or Emotional Assault or Abuse

Again the spectrum covers the widest range of forms of assault or abuse. Assault or abuse can include everything from psychological manipulation or mind-control techniques to physical threat of violence or the use (real or implied) of a deadly weapon.

Gang Violence

The obvious negative effect of gangs on or society is the victimizations of others who may or may not be actively involved in the gang environment; and may include all forms of crime, violence and/or victimization.

Random Act of Violence

Occasionally victims of violence are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time when a violent act occurs. This is the most difficult type of violence to rationalize, due to its randomness. Acts of terrorism may result in violence that may be experienced as random.

Sexual Assault/Abuse

Obviously these crimes are sexual in nature but also cover a wide breadth of possible assaultive or inappropriate methods that can have an emotional impact on the victim. This category includes sexual harassment, inappropriate touching, rape, incest, exhibition or pornography without consent.

DUI or DWI Victim

These victims have special needs because there may be no logical rationalization for the victimization except for maybe being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Unlike a random act of violence, there is a definitive underlying cause of either driving under the influence or driving while intoxicated while piloting a 3,000 pound weapon. Victim may also include the driver operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol or drugs, presenting a completely different set of emotional issues.

Human Trafficking

You might be surprised to know that human trafficking is alive and well in the USA. Often we associate human trafficking as something that only happens elsewhere.

Property Loss, Robbery, Theft, White-collar Crime

This is the most annoying type of crime for our judicial system… After all, “How would you feel if someone took something from you?” Of course the perpetrator wouldn’t like, it… but their answer is simply to re-steal it from someone else. Many thieves are psychopaths or sociopaths who have no conscious or regard for others; no social boundaries.

Usually these crimes are less violent and involve deception and manipulation to facilitate loss or injury but may have a violent influence by integrating a threat of violence (or presence of deadly weapon) in the con. May include identity theft, embezzlement or fraud whereby the perpetrator gains unfairly at the expense of the victim or arson.

Stalking

Stalking includes any unwanted contact between two persons and can occur at home, at work, or now even online. Thankfully, our judicial system has supported an effort to curtail stalking and has initiated laws to protect you from stalking and cyber-stalking.

Vulnerable Adults

Some adults, who are advanced in age or may have a physical or mental dysfunction or disability, may be more susceptible to becoming a victim of any crime. Realizing this, our government has passed new laws that offer protection and more severe penalties for defending the rights of vulnerable adults.

Elder abuse and fraud falls under this category also.

Homicide Survivors

Friends, relatives and loved-ones of murder victims often suffer emotionally and the grief from underlying unresolved issues can be debilitating.

This brief list is not by any means complete, but gives you the idea of the types of crime victims that can be overcome to stop the victimization, cessation of continued pain and discomfort and moving on victoriously in a positive manner.

Victims of crime can suffer from a variety of physical and emotional pain. Examples of issues of victims commonly addressed I have encountered with clients include:

  • financial exploitation of the elderly fraud theft crime victimsLoss of sense of security and/or fearfulness
  • Ruminating or the re-playing of the event or circumstances ad nauseam
  •  Haunted by dreams, nightmares or sleep depravation
  • Social withdrawal or detachment
  • Internalization, guilt or self-blame
  • Memory of concentration dysfunction
  • Poor self-image, helplessness
  • Bleak future outlook
  • Lack of trust

Know that you are not alone. There are specialists experienced in dealing with victims who struggle with these symptoms of crime victimization, and are well-equipped to help you deal with these and many other issues that you might be struggling with.

Review your recovery options and put you back in control of your life.