They Don’t Love You

They might say they love you or have your best interests at heart. If that’s true, then why doesn’t it feel like love? Because they don’t love you. There’s something more sinister going on behind the scenes. What can you do about it?

You have people, family, friends, and coworkers in your life with whom you share an obligatory relationship. No matter how much these people profess to have your back, when you’re in their presence, you don’t feel good. In fact, you feel quite the opposite.

They drain your energy, don’t respect you, your point of view, won’t let you get a word in edgewise, because they are more in need of an audience or support, and your presence is necessary for them to feel good.

It’s really not about you. It’s about them. Needing support is not a bad thing, but it’s so much better when it goes both ways. We all need support and in a reciprocal relationship, there is a sacred give-and-take when it comes to being loving and supportive.

Not all your friends are toxic vampires, but you know there are some that you would probably feel better if they did not have as much access to you during the course of your life.

There are your friends who have always been there, and you have let them have access to you anytime they needed for a long time, possibly since childhood. There are friends who are just around you as you go through life, they are your neighbors, coworkers, and casual acquaintances who are just there, taking advantage of you’re being there.

Then there are the closest of all relationships which you maintain, and it’s up to you to take an active role in the management of these relationships. There are certain types of energetically draining persons whom you would be better off without by limiting their access to you.

Of course, there are the toxic friends and energy vampires, you would be better off without, but there are others also. It’s up to you to decide which ones need to be trimmed-back for your higher good.

There are those who are all about themselves, expect you to support them but offer nothing in return. Those who want to control you and everything you do (and think, if they could). Those who refuse to have an empathetic response when you bear your soul, and often argue and debate with you about your beliefs in an order to save or convert you to their beliefs. The overbearing asserters who make you feel like they’re demanding a “My way or the highway” approach to you and yours.

The continual fearful pessimists, who always look at the negativity and potentiality of failure in all areas of your life, who would dissuade or prevent you from moving forward, growing, expanding, or reaching out to achieve your highest and best. They the perpetual complainers who rarely, if ever, have anything good to say.

You should probably consider discharging the drama kings and queens from your life who tend to let their trauma overflow into yours. Helping someone out in their hour of need, and potentially suffering consequences yourself in the process is admirable, but for those who are continually in dramatic turmoil, that is another issue altogether.

There are those who have little or no self-esteem who masquerade as self-righteous and pompous to overcompensate for their lack of feeling good about themselves. They may be entertaining, cute, or funny, but are prone to jealousy, putting others down, insulting and criticizing everything and everyone else.

The gossipmongers who are always talking behind everyone else’s back (realizing that they are also talking behind your back, too, does not require a Ph.D. in psychology).

There are two types of liars which you might think about dealing with, pathological and fanciful. Pathological liars are often predatory, will misrepresent everything, exaggerating the details, and presenting you with overwhelming amounts of false data, while the fanciful liars will offer up endless non-fact-based stories without ill intent. Pathological liars are harmful and destructive. Fanciful liars mean no harm, but they can be as much a drain on your energetic resources.

If you want to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place, a little social maintenance in your circle of influence can go a long way.

The preservation of your sacred space is up to you, and you are the only one who can control it.

Surround yourself with those who love and support you and hold them dear.

Losing Your Energy Take It Back

You’re growing and changing, making radical progress, but you feel like you’re losing your edge, your momentum is slowing and you feel like you’re losing your grip. You know you’ve got to find the energy to keep going because you know if you let go, all your hard work will have been for not. It’s time to stop losing your energy take it back.

While you’ve tried to keep focused on your position and keep moving upward and onward, you may have found yourself letting others drain your energy, or maybe you have consciously given away your precious energy reserves. In either case, it’s alright. You can reclaim your lost energy, recharge and get going again.

Losing Your Energy

There are many ways to experience energy drain, one is to let others get to you. When you’re feeling uncomfortable, upset, angry, or disgusted about anyone or anything in your circle of influence, it not only distracts you from your mission, but it drains your precious energy reserves. It is important to acknowledge the situation, if you must, let it go, and move on. In a sense, saying, “Oh well… I care but not too much.”

If you let someone be responsible for negatively affecting your state of mind, you have given them control over you. Stop doing it; take full responsibility and control of your own state and preserve your energy.

If you’re needing support or compliments from others to make you feel good, attractive, or feel as though your life is worthwhile, then you become dependent on others for fuel which is fleeting. Your true power and energy comes from within, not from others. The trap, here, which potential can overdraw your energy account, is if you fall into the pleasing of others to make you feel better about yourself, you will not only be distracted, but you will also be watching your energy go down the drain.

Unforgiveness is a black hole that feeds on your energy. If you’re harboring bad feelings about someone or something that has mistreated or robbed you from feeling good about yourself, you must let it go, or else be a slave to that person or circumstance forever. Forgiveness is the only way to repair the damage.

Set boundaries to limit how people can have access to your feelings and your life. If someone is constantly dragging you down, holding you back, or leading you astray, establishing firm boundaries and enforcing them can protect you from letting these kinds of people drain your energy. You have the responsibility for creating and monitoring your own boundaries concerning other people and their access to your physical, mental and spiritual states.

Take It Back

While significant energy loss can be exhausting, constantly being aware of who you are and why you are here, will help you preserve your energy and keep you focused. Knowing and honoring your purpose, message, passion, and mission (PMPM) will help you discern when it’s time to limit someone’s access who may be draining your precious energies.

Even though you feel like you’re losing your grip, or losing ground, not to worry (worry is another energy drain) just survey your surroundings. Be objective as you evaluate your situation, while monitoring what is going on all around you, then make the changes you need to make to keep the energy you need to keep going on. Keep in mind increasing your passion can build up the additional energy necessary to move you further, faster, more productively and with even greater results.

See also: Reclaim Your Power.

This is your journey. It’s up to you to see that you stay faithful and true.

Counter Selfless Disregard and Burnout

You’re a giver. You know that more often than not, you will put the needs of others ahead of your needs. You see yourself as a helper, someone who helps others to have a better quality of life. You’ve been maintaining a frantic pace and you are doing your part to make the world a better place. If anyone needs, anything, they know who to call on in their time of need: You. You answer the call and save the day once again, and there is a degree of satisfaction from helping others, but what about you?

You’d like to think you have an endless reserve of energy to call upon at any time to meet the needs of others. You keep pushing forward, you’re helping everyone you can, and they don’t even know difficult it is for you to follow through and “be there” for everyone else.

You might not even giving much thought to changes happening inside your body because your energy has been running low and your body begins to cannibalize itself to provide you with the energy you need to continue to help the people who have come to depend upon you.

You may (or may not) have noticed certain changes, such as difficulties associated with your digestive system, you might be experiencing headaches more often than in the past, you might be grinding your teeth or seeing a rise in blood pressure.

It’s as if your life force is draining from your body, you’re noticing that you’re feeling a lack of energy and feeling overwhelmed with fatigue. You’re not feeling well about yourself, feeling hopeless, powerless and/or resentful.

The satisfaction you once felt in helping others no longer satisfies and you’re starting to feel as though you are merely existing as you continue to help others even though you’re wondering if you’re just going through the motions. You’re not getting out as much as you used to, you’re beginning to withdraw from others, and life, in general. This whole life which used to be so meaningful for you, feels more like a prison these days.

As you continue to run out of fuel, you are becoming more susceptible to heart problems, heart attack and stroke.

Your inner force needs tending to, if ignored long enough, your energy dwindles and there may not be enough juice left to sustain your basic function. Your flame, you, your body, mind and spirit are literally burning out. I suppose that’s why we refer to this state as, “burnout.”

Stress is a key contributor to burnout. When all our systems (body, mind, soul) are operating at peak performance, we are invincible. Stress has little effect on us as we cast it aside. But if you’re constantly giving more than you receive, or do not take care to re-charge your systems, you develop a deficit. And if neglected long enough, you will suffer the results of burnout.

Stress left to itself can take its toll on you, though there are some of us who can withstand a great deal of stress over time and not be affected much. But these very same heroic individuals are susceptible to burnout, and if or when they do, they are ill-equipped to recoil or respond appropriately. They fall victim to emotional fatigue, which promotes negativity, and they begin to spiral down in the shadow of burnout’s decay.

As your system deteriorates, you will notice areas of your life that were easily and naturally manageable becoming more and more problematic, affecting your professional life as well as affecting areas of your personal life as well, including interpersonal relationships. You might start feeling as though you don’t have anything in common with anyone and begin to withdraw from social interactions and intimate relationships as well.

If you are potentially amidst this sinking whirlpool dragging you down, you’re probably not as mindful about what you eat, nutrition, or exercise. And it’s likely, you’re not getting enough rest.

So what can you do?

Do what you can. Definitely, if you see signs of burnout in yourself (or someone else) take a quick inventory and fix what can easily be addressed. Seek to eat better and integrate more healthy foods in your diet. Start finding ways to incorporate physical fitness, walk, jog, go to the gym, do something. And start going to bed earlier and get some good sleep. This will start to rebuild your energy reserves.

Take it upon yourself to start finding ways to relax and deal with anxieties and situational stress.

Let’s face it, without the basic elemental fuel, your body will wear down and so will the rest of you. You have to take the responsibility for ensuring you, your body, spirit, and soul are tended to. Don’t let your physiological, intellectual, social and spiritual parts of you wither and die.

This is a good time for a checkup with your doctor for a complete physical battery.

It might also be apropos to consider taking a time out for a brief sabbatical to ready yourself for your triumphant return and resuming your powerful heroic performance.