Reduce Conflict at Home

Isn’t it time to reduce conflict at home? Sometimes people just can’t seem to get along and this leads to a lot of conflict at home, work, school, among friends, and even while driving. When you get upset at something that someone else does, says, or communicates in some other way, you are likely to experience some degree of stress.

The greatest stressors will be initiated by those whom you know the best, the people within your family. While the family unit is no stranger to stress, if there are little witnesses to these active familial stressors, they will be affected the most. This is how children learn to interact with others, and this follows them into adulthood, even if they cannot consciously recall these events.

Even if the conflict does not engage the children directly, they are still being affected by these stressful situations. If you don’t believe me, just think back to familial conflicts which you witnessed when you were a child. How does that affect the way you handle stress and conflict today?

If you have children around watching your interactions with your family, you might consider taking a break or a timeout, the next time you feel tensions building. Maybe you can reason with the person you’re experiencing the conflict with and pick up the discussion at a different place and time. You might be surprised that delaying the discussion will allow you both to revisit the topic when emotions are not running as high.

This works for adults, adults interacting children, and among children as well.

This can have a tremendous effect on reducing the familial stress in relationships, also, it gives whoever might be inclined to do some deep inner work time to reflect on his or her own past to see if there are any hidden anchors from the past triggering the feelings which are being experienced in the moment.

If you are in a relationship with someone and are not able to manage taking a break or timeout, then you might consider seeking a relationship coach, counselor, consultant, or a member of the clergy, whatever appeals to you and seek assistance from a qualified third party, someone you can trust.

There are many techniques which can be applied to any type of relationship which will reduce both conflict and stress, and it’s up to you to check it out and take the appropriate steps to change your life. No one else is going to do it for you.

This is your life, and those whom you care about deserve not to be impaired by your lack of control, and left to itself unhindered by someone’s drawing explicit boundaries, not seeing eye to eye, or having different points of view, could turn into an abusive situation.

If ever, any relationship is visited by abuse, you have the right and the responsibility to stop the abuse. You are never required to fight back if there is abuse. Just take the steps necessary to isolate yourself from any further abuse.

This takes a great deal of courage and determination, but you can do it.

You have zero tolerance for abuse.

How to Get Over Betrayal by Family

Who would have thought you would be betrayed by your own family? These are the people you trusted, you grew up with, they’re supposed to have your back, not stab you in the back. Regardless, welcome to the real world with one hell of a wakeup call, so now you need to know how to get over betrayal by family members.

You must come to grips with the fact that betrayal by family members is quite common and has been going on for years. This is a key component of some of the greatest stories and melodramas of all time. There’s something terribly unsettling with not being able to trust your own family.

Who is better qualified to break you down and expose you for every weakness you have, or any misstep you’ve ever made but the people who know you best and have been the closest to you. Even the bible warns of it, “your worst enemies will be the members of your own family” (Matthew 10:36) and if that wasn’t enough, try this on for size, “Even those closest to you–your parents, brothers, relatives, and friends–will betray you. They will even kill some of you” (Luke 21:16).

While you might expect to be the victim of betrayal of friends or most anyone, it never occurs to you that your family might be the ones who turn out to be the most toxic individuals, or your enemies, until it happens to you and you’re left having to deal with betrayal.

You can rack your brain and tear up your heart by trying to figure out why, so to put your mind at ease, so you can get on to the business of dealing with the betrayal by your family, one of the most common reasons you might be betrayed by family is jealousy.

If you’re in apposition to enjoy life more fully and completely than your family member who feels he or she is more deserving, they might be tempted to throw a wrench into the machine to cause your potential success to fail. (You might remember this if you have siblings, as there is a constant struggle for familial support.)

A family member might want to knock you down a peg or two in an effort to even the playing field or even usurp their authority over you, as if to prove you couldn’t possibly make it without them (and they will destroy you, if they have to, to prove it).

Your parent, sibling, or other member of your family might just be a control freak and seek to control you and many areas of your life. Just try exerting your own independence and watch them rear their ugly heads to take notice and knock you down. Then kick you while you’re down there just to teach you a lesson.

Then there are the haters, those negative people who can’t help themselves, their first thought is to attack anyone, for no apparent reason, just to spread the hate. They are hardwired to be hatemongers and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Regardless of why you have been betrayed by your family, nothing hurts worse than being betrayed by those who are closest to you leaving heartfelt wounds and scars, and you must take steps to protect yourself from this kind of abuse.

Do not waste your energy arguing and fighting with the family who has betrayed you.

If you want to know how to get over betrayal by family members, you have to distance yourself from the abuse. In a sense, you must disavow and relation to the members of your family who have turned against you. I don’t mean to lie to yourself, or anyone else about being related to them, but you must stop treating them like family if they have posted up to treat you as their enemy.

You must treat betraying family members just like anyone else who might abuse of betray you. You need to protect yourself from the abuse and not create opportunities for them to further abuse, trash, or attack you in any way.

When you are attacked by a member of your family, you must treat this person just as you would any other toxic person in your life.

There is life after betrayal. Bless them because they are your family, but walk away, and brush their dirt from your shoes. Don’t look back, and just keep walking.

A genuine family member would support you in all that you do, and bless you as you make your own way. They want to see you become the best person you can be and enjoy the best life you could have, even help you in making it happen.

Real family loves and supports you no matter what you’re going through, in your best moments, and those less glamorous, and they love you just the way you are.

If not, you must protect yourself.

Dysfunctional Family

An honest review of what is now the acceptable standard for family relationships is a far cry from the family dynamic of yesteryear. Are you happy with the way your family is?

It breaks my heart to see how far we’ve fallen, as there’s little respect for the family unit in comparison and chances are, if you’re a member of a family, you’ve found yourself a member of a

Dysfunctional Family

dysfunctional family children and family marriage divorce social services abusive relationship

By definition a dysfunctional family is a group of individuals related by blood, marriage, or living arrangements that experiences conflict on a fairly regular basis. I believe this defines every family, so there’s nothing that unusual about being a member of a dysfunctional family, unless an abusive relationship threatens the family unit requiring intervention.

Even so, even “abusive relationships” can (and often are) exaggerated to effect a certain means to an end, without regard to the family member whose life may be sacrificed for the sake of his or her accuser, further exasperating the dysfunction of the family.

Nowadays, the expectation is that the whims of the individual outweighs the needs of the family, resulting in fractured families and broken homes causing more discord, especially when children and family suffer the consequences.

Unfortunately, the divorce industry and social services support the destruction of the family, and doing so, actually supports our government and the economy… but at what cost?

Children are now used as a weapon, and income is not a barrier in this, as it crosses all income levels and tax brackets, though lower income families are privy to legal prowess that would only be available to the wealthier families due to their low income level thanks to support from the Department of Social Services, Child Protective Services and the family court system.

Certainly, we need a system to protect children and families being abused, but our system is greatly flawed, because a parent can use the existing system as a powerful weapon, destroying the life of another (who may be undeserving) at little or cost to the accuser. All that is required is that the accuser be willing to exaggerate and lie to a counselor and possibly to a courtroom under oath. A small price to pay for someone to use – just the implied threat, or equivalent of – “Don’t mess with me or I will ruin you forever.”

Blended Families

You recognize these, they’re like the Brady Bunch; two single parent families with children from a different parent, come together to create a blended family, melding the families into one (hopefully) cohesive unit. In most cases, blended families actually consist of a single mom trying to find love, with children, partnering with a single dad (non-custodial), strapped by extenuating circumstances, visitation with child support and legal issues of his own. Though, some blended families are able to prevail and create a healthy family environment, regardless of the challenges they face.

The results? Look at the prison system filled with the people who were the children raised in these dysfunctional families. Why? It really is a choice. You can choose to live respectful life or a disrespectful life. I know. I come from as dysfunctional a family as you might be able to imagine. I chose to live a respectable life, regardless of my family life, and I vowed that when I entered marriage with the right person, I would maintain a higher standard of familial love, respect and support than was available to me in my youth.

Family First

My approach to family is simply, “family first.” For me, that means that if I am with you and you are with me, then my family is your family and your family is my family. I have a great deal of love for my family and I extend the same quality of love and affection for your family members as I do my own (reciprocity would be a reasonable expectation).

Such a heavy commitment to family doesn’t garner much respect in today’s society.

I hope to see a bright future for the United States and throughout the world realizing, supporting and sustaining the importance of family fueled by family love, tolerance and strength of family.

In the meantime,

For me and my family

We love and support each other