Forgive First, Seek Reparation Later, if you must

You were violated, betrayed, or someone has committed some transgression against you, your family member, neighbor, community, the law, or government, and they must seek forgiveness, then you or someone else will determine what price they must pay for their betrayal or transgression.

Forgiveness is a complex subject to address due to the wide variety of complications spread throughout the landscape that make up forgiveness. There are two levels of forgiveness. There is forgiveness from the creator or God and forgiveness among us earthly inhabitants.

When we examine forgiveness from a spiritual perspective, one cannot help but see how the whole concept gets muddied up by religious perspectives, and there are many. Since my history stems from a basic foundation of Christianity, I have a particular vein that I follow. However, as a coach and counselor, I consider all perspectives universally valid.

Even so, religions, especially Christian-founded religions, could find better ways to manage forgiveness among their followers. I find myself in the process of trying to mitigate the damages caused to followers by religious individuals and their organizations, who have been deeply wounded and suffer accordingly. Imbued with this perspective, a more enlightened person could approach this idea of forgiveness differently.

Unfortunately, religion, in general, is all about separation. You see this all the time; for example, we religious folks are good at saying, “We are better than them,” and, “They are not like us,” therefore, “They are bad and should not be associated with,” or deserve some worse fate.

Regarding forgiveness, the religiously-inclined like to control the methods of forgiveness. The Christians inherited this from their forefathers, those of the Jewish persuasion who were very big on maintaining separation, accusing others outside of the fold of being unworthy, and managing who would be entitled to forgiveness and what prescription would be required for redemption.

Interestingly, I don’t see any of this exemplified in the love of Jesus mindset. In the mindset of the love of Jesus, forgiveness is central. Jesus exemplified forgiveness through his teachings and actions, emphasizing mercy, compassion, and grace. Offering it freely without having to be asked for it or to do anything in return for it. If we could embrace forgiveness following the model outlined in Jesus’ example, it would look more like,

FORGIVENESS

Given Freely and Unconditionally

Jesus forgave without conditions, showing that forgiveness should be extended even when it’s not deserved.

Given Selflessly

Jesus forgave despite personal pain or injustice, teaching us to prioritize reconciliation and love over resentment.

Offered Repetitiously, Without Penance for Failure

Jesus taught the importance of forgiving others not just once but repeatedly without requiring penalty for missing the mark, illustrating the endurance and depth of forgiveness.

Freely Given Regardless of Transgression

As an example of a radically extreme type of love, Jesus’ forgiveness went beyond societal norms, challenging us to love and forgive even those who harm us.

A Gateway to Transformation

Jesus believed in the power of forgiveness to bring about change and healing, both for the forgiven and the forgiver.

Overall, Jesus’ model of forgiveness encourages us to embody compassion, extend grace, and seek reconciliation in our relationships, reflecting the boundless love of God.

Today, Forgiveness Has a Different Face

Present-day forgiveness is rooted in justice and fairness, where forgiveness is a response to foster repentance or restitution. It’s often transactional, requiring the offender to take responsibility and make amends before forgiveness is extended. This mode of forgiveness is a strict part of traditional religion and is also represented in steps 8 and 9 of the 12-step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous.

Jesus’ Contrasting Forgiveness

The forgiveness of Jesus contrasts modern approaches to forgiveness and is grounded in unconditional love and grace. This is to say that forgiveness flows from a place of compassion and mercy in the love of Jesus mindset. It’s not contingent on the actions or attitudes of the offender but is freely given out of a desire for reconciliation and restoration.

Could Our Churches Learn from the Love of Jesus Mindset?

What if our churches could learn to grasp the concept of the love of Jesus mindset and forgiveness? How do you think the world would respond to a church that conducted itself like Jesus did, rather than the religious establishment of His day that He desired to distinguish His ministry apart from? Unconditional love and forgiveness would have a differential impact on unbelievers, with an inclusive approach rather than an exclusive one.

The love of Jesus mindset creates a unique approach to forgiveness, challenging the notion that forgiveness must be earned or requested, inviting us to emulate his example by extending grace even when it’s undeserved. This approach emphasizes the transformative power of love and forgiveness to heal relationships and cultivate a spirit of healing and reconciliation.

 

Forgiveness and Judgment

To forgive or not to forgive, should not be the question. If Jesus or God is who They say They are, then They are the only ones with the right to truly exercise frue forgiveness and judgment. But we are taught to forgive others for their wrongs against us. In this case, forgiveness is for the forgiver to feel better about the wrongness they feel about the one they feel has wronged them.

What if the person who acted wrongly, offended, betrayed, or otherwise made you feel victimized didn’t actually do anything malicious to you? What then?

Forgiveness and Judgment Cougar on the <Loose

For instance, I live in the Pacific Northwest where we enjoy a certain amount of natural wildlife with which we share the environment. I heard a story that a cougar had been spotted lurking around a predominant neighborhood in an upscale community nearby. Radio and media alerted the city that a cougar had been spotted and to take special precautions.

Around this time, a mother playing with her young son in the fenced yard went inside to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer. When she returned, the boy was gone. There was blood on the grass, and it appeared that the cat had followed its natural instincts.

The community gunned up, hunted down the cougar, and ascertained that the cougar was the culprit. A truly tragic story.

But who was wrong? Obviously not the child who was an innocent victim. The mother? The cougar?

Certainly, the mother and the neighbors assumed the cougar was wrong. But the cougar is a cougar. Yes, no doubt it was a tragedy, but that’s what cougars do. No, they don’t usually go around attacking children, but they do prey on living food, the easier the food is to get, the quicker they satisfy their hunger.

Not unlike your pet cat. If your pet cat sees a mouse, it is fair game, it can be fun or food or both fun and food. A wounded bird is even better.

In the case of the cougar and the child? It is easy to jump to the conclusion that the cougar is the offender, and the neighbors were the judge and jury, as they took matters into their own hands. Justice, as it were, was served. The cougar paid the price for its sins with its life.

The mother may someday wonder if she should forgive the cougar, or pray to Jesus or God that the sinning cougar is forgiven. But did the cougar sin?

No. The cougar just did what cougars do, what they were born to do. Did the cougar extend its practices beyond reasonable boundaries? Yes. Doing so may have put the cougar at additional risk, for which the cougar did pay the price.

But the cougar was just a cougar.

So it is, when someone commits a crime, possibly any crime. If the perpetrator is a cougar, could they have done anything else besides commit said crime? Maybe not. May he or she be just a cougar? It’s all they instinctively know to do. They have a hunger or a yearning to do something, and they do whatever they need to do to satisfy it. Just like the cougar.

If I have been offended by someone, another person, and I feel victimized, did that offender purposely intend to hurt me, or was he or she just doing the only thing they knew how to tend to themselves?

Are these offenders just doing the best they can with what they have?

I know I’m not perfect. I’ve hurt people’s feelings while in the act of doing the best I could with what I had. I didn’t even know that I was hurting anyone. Yet here it is. I can clearly see now in retrospect, that I did inadvertently offend someone in a manner that had never occurred to me while I was about the business of doing the best I could with what I had.

Should I Ask for Forgiveness?

If I am aware of my transgression, yes. I feel an obligation to appeal to that person and ask him or her for forgiveness, even if I was unaware of my transgression when it occurred because I never intended to do that. And I am ashamed of myself for not being more aware that someone else might have been hurt in my doing the best I could with what I had.

Should I Expect Someone Else to Ask Me for Forgiveness?

There was a time when I felt that would be appropriate when I thought that if someone hurt me in some way that I was owed an apology, or begged for my forgiveness for their sin. Later, I realized that forgiveness was a God issue, and not a “me” issue. So, I let go of that expectation.

I might still like an apology, but I wouldn’t expect it. Especially if the offender was a cougar.

Anyone Could be a Cougar

What if the person who offended or victimized me was a cougar? A cougar could take almost any shape or human form. A drug dealer, addict, drunk driver, lawyer, judge, doctor, neighbor, friend, spouse, sibling, or priest.

Anyone could be a cougar. Just doing the best they can with what they have. Nonetheless, a cougar. Even me. And like the cougar, if I offend the wrong person at the wrong place and time, I too may have to pay the price for doing so.

Superiority of Judgment

Yet, we feel so superior that we would expect to have the right to be asked for forgiveness and feel as though we have the right and power to offer such forgiveness. So, we judge them, until they have paid the price for offending us.

Then I am reminded of a Jesus story about a woman who had been accused of adultery. The self-righteous Pharisees were standing around her with a fistful of rocks ready to execute their brand of justice when Jesus interrupted them.

Let He Who Is Without Sin Cast the First Stone

Were the Pharisees authorized to execute this action in John 8? Were they following Jewish law? Pretty much (though there were some concerns that possibly they may not have had all their ducks in a row at the time the punishment was to be delivered by the law. Certainly, all the players did not appear to be present as the law may have suggested).

Did the Pharisees have hidden sins? Apparently. When Jesus challenged them, they drops their rocks and walked away.

Were the Pharisees cougars?

Jesus did not condemn her and simply told her to go and sin no more. Maybe she was a cougar. She was the only person that Jesus told to change her life, and I think that was because she was in so much trouble with the overseers that they intended to kill her for her misdeeds, and maybe He might not be there on her behalf, the next time. Like the advice I might give to a repeat offender, especially in my state where we have a three-strikes rule.

In Matthew 7, Jesus says not to judge lest we be judged, and if we judge someone harshly, we will be judged likewise. Then he asks how can you help a brother with a splinter in his eye when your own eye is blocked by lumber?

Good point. Right?

I like Jesus’ examples because He loved many people and had a heart for those who were less fortunate, most likely unworthy, and of questionable character, and His influence on their lives was undeniable.

The price of sin is death (ultimately) but Jesus by His death and resurrection was the sacrifice by which we all have forgiveness for our transgressions, and claim the right to life more meaningful and long-lasting (eternal) than any of us might have been entitled to otherwise.

When we judge and are so self-righteous to think we are authorized to do so, are we not nullifying the words of Jesus or the perfection of His work on the cross?

These days, I would not run to usurp His authority.

Is it polite to forgive? Yes. Would it be nice if someone apologized or asked for forgiveness? Yes.

Should we expect or demand it?

From a cougar?

In this respect, forgiveness may be required by people who may not understand the divinity of all things, though being willing to let go and let God work out the details, especially if someone is a cougar, may lead to the higher road to travel through this life.

After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

Something to think about…

 

 

Forgiveness is the Key

You are the result of a lifetime of abuse and victimization from the sound of your first cry for life until today, you have survived and endured judgment, false accusations, injustice, betrayal, abuse, and trauma. It’s a wonder you’ve made it this far at all.

You are a bundle of emotional wounds and garbage you’ve collected over the course of your life, which explains a lot about who you are and how you respond to the world around you. After all, nobody knows better than you, that you’re the only person you can count on to look after you. This is your primary objective.

You surround yourself with emotional tripwires and landmines to protect yourself and you try to keep all those emotional wounds hidden and suppressed, which is the highest level of self-abuse. All that unresolved trauma compromises your immune system, promotes premature aging, makes you more prone to sickness and disease. If that weren’t enough, is also keeping you separated from all the best things in life.

The fortress you’ve built to protect yourself is nearly impenetrable. You might applaud yourself for doing such a good job of protecting yourself. From inside your fortress you feel safe but if you could see from a higher perspective, you could see you have sentenced yourself to a life in prison of your own making.

Forgiveness is the Key

Forgiveness is the key to unlock every level of containment you’ve subjected yourself to.

There’s no denying the multitude of transgressions you’ve endured. The wounds run so very deep. Your pain, fear, and the repressed anger from the grudges you maintain are weapons of those who hurt you in the first place. They continue to hurt and abuse you every moment that you harbor unforgiveness.

The first thought which you might consider would be to ask the question, “Why would I forgive someone for doing that to me?” and you might rather see them punished for what they did, but contemplating retribution is another way the victimizer continues to have power over his or her victim.

Not only are you a victim of your abuser but you subject yourself to continued self-abuse by second-guessing yourself, and feeling guilty, wondering how you could have let someone do that to you? Setting up emotional blockades and numbing your own emotions so that you can’t be hurt like that again.

Playing the part of the victim does offer you emotional support from others who might feel sorry for you, which helps to ease the pain, but it also cements your position in being continually victimized by your abuser.

Forgiveness Can Set You Free

Forgiveness starts with you. You must forgive yourself first. You are not responsible for any of the emotional pain you’ve endured. You never deserved to be disrespected, mistreated, or abused. You were innocent. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe you suffered the abuse because you were strong enough to take it, like a shock absorber, sparing someone else who could not have survived the abuse.

You cannot control what other people do. You are only in control of your own life and forgiving yourself, absolving yourself from any sense of wrongdoing or deservedness is implicit.

Forgive Them

You are not required to face or confront your aggressor(s), all you need to do is to realize that these people were only doing the best they could with what they had at the time. Just as you were only doing the best you could with what you had at that time.

You might even offer up a little empathy, that had you lived that person’s life, you might have committed the same atrocities.

Forgive them. Forgiving them is not about them at all, it’s more about you forgiving them so that you can go on with your life without them continually exerting additional abuse to you over time.

Your forgiveness is complete, when you can look back at the episode without pain, guilt, or anger, and can truly hope that he or she finds his or her own way to claim a better life for themselves in love, without having to strike out at others anymore.

You can learn the lessons from your past without having to carry around all that emotional baggage. No need to seclude yourself deep within your fortress.

You can be free, and forgiveness is the key.

Related: Forgiveness Ain’t Easy, Let Go of Unforgiveness, True Forgiveness, Unforgiveness or Forgiveness

Unintentionally Hurt Someone

Sometimes things are said, decisions are made, actions are initiated that help you to create the sacred space you need to progress forward on your life’s mission. Life goes on, and periodically, we unintentionally hurt someone by our decisions or actions, and this is no fault of yours.

You’ve been true to yourself and said or done the things which were necessary for your survival or growth, and you never have to apologize for doing what is right for you in any moment because your responsibility is to care for yourself. If you do not look after yourself, who will?

And if you think about it, you’ve probably been hurt by someone else unintentionally.

When you become aware of how your decisions, words, or deeds have affected someone negatively your inner self can start to put you down or make you feel guilty. Guilt does not serve you, but if you can switch the mode from guilt (which is destructive) to remorse all you must do is to learn from this experience, forgive yourself, and move on.

To do so, realize that you are not broken, are not in need of fixing, and accept that sometimes shit happens. Don’t listen to or accept abuse from your inner voice, you are perfect in every way, even if you do make mistakes, or if someone is hurt unintentionally by anything you said or did.

You didn’t do anything wrong and you are not a bad person. There was no malice in your action because you are a being of love and wouldn’t do anything intentionally to hurt anyone. Even if someone else sees something that you’ve said, thought, or done as “bad” you are not bad, and that was clearly not your intention. Things happen, and it is what it is. That is all.

Seek to speak to someone empathetic to your plight. Their understanding and support can help to reduce the negative energetic impact of this particularly confusing state of mind. You might attract someone who can lend you a different perspective on the issue enabling you to see the situation from a different point of view. All valuable data to take away from this episode adding to your knowledge base and increased awareness. Something to keep in mind if you face a similar situation in the future.

Sometimes your personal network will give you the support you desire, and it never hurts to engage the efforts of a third-party counselor, consultant, or coach for a sound aerial perspective and objective view.

If your inner critical voice is running amok, you might want to have a talk with yourself and consider more confident self-talk.

Remaining open-minded rather than closed-minded will allow you to look for clues to uncover the hidden treasure(s) in this seemingly unfortunate episode of your life, for within each conflict there is a valuable lesson to be learned if you are open.

If your seeking within to find rhyme or reason in an effort to make sense of all this comes up blank, think of you from your higher perspective watching the whole scenario from a higher vantage point. Then ask yourself for advice. What advice might you give yourself, or someone you cared deeply about, who might have found himself or herself in the very same situation?

If you still think you don’t know, how would you answer if you did know?

You must find the wherewithal to forgive yourself for unintentional casualties of your decisions. Unforgiveness and allowing yourself to suffer in guilt is self-abuse, destructive, and will cause your immune system to deteriorate rapidly.

Forgiving yourself allows you to go forward in love, more aware, achieving your highest and best, continuing on your path to a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

God bless you. You are forgiven.

Forgiveness It Ain’t Easy

Want to know what the best thing you can do is? Forgive someone. When you forgive someone for something, your body heals, your love and your ability to love unconditionally grows. Forgiving makes you a better person, impacts your life, local community, and the community at large. Forgiving supports your living a better life, is part of living your best life and makes the world a better place.

Forgiveness, it ain’t easy – but there’s nothing better

Forgiveness is not for the faint at heart. It’s serious, meaningful business, and it’s not easy. It hangs in a delicate balance between good and bad, right and wrong, happiness and sadness, love and fear.

You spend your whole life trying to do the right thing while protecting yourself from things that make you feel bad. Though never seen by others, you are most sensitive to your emotions. They give your life meaning and are the most intimate part of who you are as a person.

In matters of the heart, you protect yourself with invisible walls of protection, an emotional force field. This protective force field consists of the elements of fear, to protect you from potential pain or danger, and may include self-righteousness, or a sense of superiority as well as disrespect, spite, anger, or hate. All in an effort to avoid the breaking of your heart.

If being emotionally hurt or betrayed is the worst thing that can happen to you, potentially wounding you far worse than any superficial wound on the surface which could be seen and treated on the physical body, the wounds suffered by your bleeding heart can be more painful, private and longstanding.

You can try to ignore these negative feelings, keep them bottled up inside, but all that does is allow them to fester, grow and eat away at you, like cancer. Left to their own devices, will cost you the potential of having a long and happy life. Harboring unforgiveness will be the death of you, and it is the invisible Grim Reaper for more people than could possibly be counted or imagined.

You are not an emotionless being. You were created to have these emotions, they are here not only to teach you, allow you to grow and flourish, but without them, you would never know all the beauty, grace, and happiness this life has in store for you.

The key is in managing and maximizing your emotions by learning to forgive, and the more you forgive, the more benevolent, loving, caring and enjoyment will be gleaned by living out your life in a higher vibration of love and tolerance.

You are more than your body, more than your emotions, more than what you see in the mirror. That higher, sacred part of you is your primary focal point in this life. Being able to take your eyes off your external experience and turn them inward and upward is your sacred gift.

Besides healing wounds held in the Fort Knox of your soul, forgiveness cleanses you from the specters of your past, helps you live freely in the now, and paves the way for your bright future.

Forgiveness is not as much about the other person as you might think. It is about you, your ability to forgive and move on in love, uninhibited by unforgiveness. There is no need to reconnect with the offender, especially if the offense was abusive in nature, no requirement to contact them, or notify him or her that you have forgiven them.

Forgiveness is your gift from and to you, affecting all the energies and people around you in the fields of love and light.

Forgiveness is a powerful force for good, banishing fear and promoting love for a better world.

As you learn to forgive, you will immediately see changes in the world around you. Your relationships will take on more meaning and grow deeper with an increased sense of connection. Your creativity will soar and love will abound.

The more you forgive, the more you can trust, and be empowered to experience greater degrees of freedom, health, and all the good things this life has to offer, wrapped in the warm blanket of love.

Forgiveness; it’s not easy, but it’s the greatest and most beneficial soul-work of all.

Fear not, and be willing to do the deep inner work for a better world.

The Freedom Weapon

There is a force so powerful that it tears down the prison walls that keep us contained, locked down, and isolated from the best thing this life has to offer. So powerful is this weapon that it could easily explode destroying the person who attempted to deploy it, so it must be wielded skillfully, if you want to be free of the chains that bind you.

This weapon is activated not from an external power source, but can only be ignited with the love from your heart to start the reaction that will set you safely free. This is hard work, and you have all the skills and equipment necessary to fire off this powerful weapon, at great risk to you.

It will cost you your ego, the holding tight to something that the primal part of you feels is so important, but this only promotes the virus that grows inside you, overtaking all your cells, resulting in your completion of your death sentence while imprisoned. Finding your way out of this prison is your only hope for escape and possibility of positive life outside these walls, where lays the chance of living a full, free life of love, fulfillment and happiness.

But you have to willing to let go and be willing to use

The Freedom Weapon

The freedom weapon is forgiveness. Forgiveness, fueled by love can take out, decimate and eliminate everything that stands between where you are and where you want to be, if what you want is to live a long, healthy and happy life, free from your emotional prison.

On the other side of the walls of unforgiveness, we are able to see life as it really is. Shocking as it may be, once you are there, you become the designer, architect, builder and decorator of your new life of freedom.

There is little more uncomfortable or painful of letting go of what you’ve let encase you in negative states of victimization, guilt, depression, dissention, resentment and anger.

Dare to Forgive

Finding yourself on the other side of forgiveness, your life as a victim ceases. You let go of your need to control that which is beyond your control, are able to see the world from outside yourself and accept the ingredients offered to you by life. In your imprisoned state, the ingredients may look like a pile of rubbish, but to the freedom chef, the most magnificent four course meal or unlimited buffet can be made from the same ingredients.

This is the difference between unforgiveness and forgiveness.

If you feel like life, someone, or something is out to get you prior to forgiving, afterwards you are empowered to see it more like a game, and when you see someone or something coming at you, you can smile, twist and with the most simple movements and gestures, deflect your attacker, disarming and disempowering them. It’s like emotional kung fu. You allow the energy of others be their own undoing as it has little effect on you.

You can now see these people, situations and circumstances for what they are, and might be surprised that you can have empathy or understanding for their need to act out in such a way, feeling sorry for them, or loving them for the unfortunate life they have chosen to live.

You become lovingly courageous and unafraid in this state of forgiveness. You are able to breathe easier, enjoy greater health and vitality, even surrounded by a world lost to this idea of freedom.

This is part of the deep inner work, but it is worth it.

Your forgiveness opens the doorway to a new world of possibilities filled with love and adventure and brings your wildest dreams within your reach.

Forgiveness releases you from your own prison, where a better life awaits your arrival on the other side of these walls.

Time to Let Go of Unforgiveness

Maintaining unforgiveness in your heart anchors you to the past and prevents you from moving on in your life. Remaining in the state of unforgiveness, or holding a grudge for something in the past, promotes a negative vibration. Chronic unforgiveness can prevent you from ever experiencing true joy, while forfeiting all the good things this life is holding for you.

It takes a great deal of effort to remain focused on something that happened in the past, and if you get accustomed to remaining in this negative vibration, you solidify your victimization holding and embracing fear-based emotions of resentment, retribution, and unhappiness. After a while you can become emotionally numb, incapable of ever experiencing joy.

On the other hand, if you can find the ability to forgive someone or something that has harmed you in the past, you release all these negative connections, breaking the power of these invisible chains from causing you further pain and suffering. This leaves your heart in a permeable and open state ready to experience all the good things in life.

It’s not enough just to speak words of forgiveness, you must do the inner work of letting go to truly forgive, releasing the grip that unforgiveness has on you. This is the only way to prevent yourself from psychological deterioration due to increased levels of stress, frustration and anxiety leading to the inability to feel good about yourself. As you further isolate yourself from otherwise positive states of mind, you will find yourself feeling ashamed, lonely and falling into deeper states of depression.

Your ego insists on harboring unforgiveness and wants to seek revenge, so it will be interrupting your otherwise healthy state of mind, reminding you about this thing that happened to you in the past, and every time your mind is quickened by these thoughts, you revisit the pain associated with this event in your past.

Unforgiveness is self-destructive, reduces your immune system and promotes the erosion of your otherwise healthy physiological state. People who hold grudges are more likely to suffer negative health ramifications of unforgiveness including, but not limited to, the deterioration of brain cells, ulcers, and promotes the growth of cancer.

Unforgiveness is the cause for up to 80% of the strife and disease suffered by the majority of us. So isn’t it about time you thought about forgiving and inviting love to come into your life?

Guard your heart and mind against the negative state of unforgivness by learning to forgive and let go. And remember this: Forgiveness is not for the person who wronged you, it is not approving of their behavior or endorsing them in any way. Forgiveness is for you. You forgive them, so they no longer have control of your thoughts and declining health conditions.

Forgiveness empowers you to get back in the driver’s seat of your life.

How can I forgive the unforgiveable?

It may not be a once-and-for-all type of forgiveness for you; it may take time and a concerted effort on your part to wrap your head and heart around the idea. It is a process. But as you find ways to hone your skills of forgiveness, you will be able to actually feel the results of your letting go.

You’re holding space in your thoughts for the good things in life, the things that bring you joy and your body feels increasingly better with every passing day, because you’re casting off the negativity of unforgiveness and making room for love in your life.

To really forgive someone means you can look back on the person or incident without pain or anger. To accomplish this, you must face your fears head-on. Get to the bottom of these emotions, identifying the transgression in detail. Be brutally honest and don’t try to sugar coat it. It may be helpful to write it out in detail.

Then try to look at it from another perspective, using your imagination, see why the transgression may have made sense from a different perspective.

Seeing the transgression from another point of view, outside of yourself, will have you well positioned to forgive and let it go. As much accustomed to the guilt and pain as you have become up until this point, you realize in order to have any sense of happiness or ability to enjoy life, you must let it go.

Forgive and let it go.

Gather up your self-respect and move away from this event and find new ways to let love into your life.

The Basis of True Forgiveness

Forgiving others is frightening business of your deep work. It’s like it just doesn’t make sense because we are programmed to live in a society where fear and the concept of punishment is prevalent. We are constantly in fear of what someone might do to us that might make us sad, be disrespectful, offensive or painful and feel as though the only thing that could possibly make things right would be punishing the offender or making them suffer for their misdeeds.

This has been a constant method of thinking that has been prevalent since as far back as mankind can remember (or at least document). This pervasive sense of crime and punishment has permeated all facets of social life including governmental at all levels from local community to the world, exclusive groups and religions, and right down to work and familial life. So, it’s no surprise when someone hurts you, all you want is retribution or revenge. They must pay for their sins.

The this crazy thing happened a couple of thousand years ago, when someone manned up in the most peculiar way that started a change in how people thought about how to react when someone treats you poorly, does something really bad, or hurts you Including breaking any of the ten commandments. This was a crazy idea at the time and not well received at the time, until after he sealed the idea by signing a record breaking decree issued from the highest court with his own life’s blood.

This was not just about forgiving others for their transgressions against you and me, this idea of forgiveness is uncompromising and far reaching to not only those who have offended us, but also to you and me, giving us a chance to live a life unbridled by any punishment for any thoughts or deeds that may haunt us from our own lives… even our deepest and darkest secrets hidden within us.

We honor the price paid for this comprehensive idea of forgiveness today. As tragic as the entire affair was at the time, we refer to it as Good Friday, because for us:

How More Blessed Could We Be?

By receiving a royal invitation to start life over, every day, free from self-deprecation or fear of punishment for any bad thoughts, wrongs or misdeeds ever possibly conceived of. Instantly, all wiped away in a complete rebooting, like the ultimate Ctrl-Alt-Delete. For those who accept this free gift can begin every day clean and anew.

So, this 2000-year-old event which was meant for evil/punishment for crimes committed against the status quo, turned out to be one of the most significant events promoting a massive pivot in this sense of a newfound freedom from fear or sin and punishment.

Of course, even after 2,000 years, we still struggle with the idea as we still feel like people who offend us or do not conform to the status quo are punished and we cannot seem to find new way to punish and incarcerate them at a rapid enough rate. Rationally, the pendulum has swung so far that the idea of forgiveness is the furthest thing from our minds or societal structure.

Think about it: If we keep throwing people in jail or prison at the current rate of growth of the prison population, in 35 years

You will either be in prison

or working for a prison.

The whole idea fails. It doesn’t work. In fact, the only way to make it work is to increase the penalty for wrongdoing to the death penalty.

Then, there is this idea of forgiveness lurking in the wings…

Maybe this idea sealed-in-blood 2,000 years ago is worth considering…

Forgiving is hard, contrarian work.

What are your thoughts?

 

Unforgiveness or Forgiveness

What do you have the tendency to hold inside, a state of unforgiveness or forgiveness?

What if someone assaulted you either physically, verbally or emotionally? What if someone you trusted betrayed you? What if someone stole something that belonged to you or otherwise wronged you in some way? What do you do?

Unforgiveness or forgiveness? Which side of the bars are you on?

Forgive them

The idea of forgiving someone for doing something to hurt us, our feelings, or otherwise negatively impact our lives sounds ludicrous. We have been programmed to do anything but forgive. When we have been wronged, we want revenge or justice, and we want it now. Not dissimilar to Alice in Wonderland’s Red Queen asserting, “Off with is head!”

We get all righteous and indignant insisting that our basic moral code reads, “An eye for an eye,” indicating that retaliation is warranted and honorable.

When you have suffered an injustice you have one of two things you can do, either harbor unforgiveness, or to embrace the idea of forgiveness and let it go.

The idea of forgiveness is crazy-making for most of us, because retribution seems much more satisfying. If someone does something to harm someone else, they must be severely punished. It is this positioning that has our prisons filled to maximum capacity.

As we pass more and more laws to penalize more and more Americans the rate of incarceration increases exponentially. In fact, is we keep creating new laws and arresting more and more wrongdoers, in the next three decades you will either be imprisoned or work for the judicial system.

And where does all this incarceration get us? It fills us with negative emotions, keeps us in a virtual state of fear and causes us to harbor hatred. Think about how much you hold onto negative emotions about being victimized by someone else. You can hold a grudge for a lifetime, and feel as though it’s warranted and justified.

What does holding fast to these negative emotions do to you? It causes you to spin a whirlpool of negative emotions, causing premature aging and deterioration of all of you; your mind, body and soul.

What good is it to seek revenge, when you could just let it go and live a better, happier life? You could let someone’s negative words of deeds overpower you and cause you to wither away and ultimately put you in an early grave, or live a better life, you best life and make the world a better place. How? By

Forgiving

Many people would state, “I cannot forgive,” him or her because what he or she, “did was unforgiveable.”

What you fail to understand is every moment you hold tight to your lack of forgiveness, you bolster the very thing that hurt you or caused you harm, and you allow someone else (the person who committed the action against you) to have power over you. Every minute you ruminate about this person or what they did to disrespect or otherwise harm you, you reward them with control over you. How much more power does this individual need to have over you?

We take it personal because we feel someone has done something to us, when in fact the thing that happened to you to hurt you or your feelings actually had little or nothing to do with you. You were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time because if it didn’t happen to you, it would have happened to someone else.

If you think about it, God selected you to be the recipient of the wrongdoing because you could handle it (‘ere the phrase, “God will not give you anything you can’t handle). Which implies, Yes. God thinks you are a superhero because no one else was uniquely qualified to deal with this injustice.

Unforgiveness is your own prison. Your only hope for escape is to enact your prison break with forgiveness.

Remember, forgiveness is not for the wrongdoer. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness does not condone any sin against you, it simply releases you from your prison, allowing karma, God, the local jurisdictions, state or federal agencies to deal with the offender in any what they choose.

If you’ve forgiven, you walk away, retaining the education you received from this incident or circumstance as you keep moving forward. You needn’t forget the incident, but you must find a way to forgive in such a manner as to be able to think or talk about the event without experiencing any emotional distress.

After all, the best revenge is to live a successful life filled with happiness and abundance in spite of any transgression that has visited you.