friends | David M Masters

I Am an Awful Friend

I am so sorry that I feel as though I am an awful friend right now. Sometimes you get so embroiled in a project that it consumes all your resources, every waking moment. I started this project that I’ve put off for over ten years, and those of you who know me well, know it’s about time.

And then, not long after I decided to go forward with this project, the world gets shut down by the COVID-19 pandemic. Hugely unfortunate for the whole world.

This has affected us all in different ways. Many of us are finding ourselves celled-in and this is causing huge problems around our nation. Problems that may be far worse than the effects of the coronavirus itself, as we’re all trying to find ways to survive, and no one would blame you for going a little stir crazy.

Thanks to technology, we have access to others, so we’re not totally cut off.

While this pandemic has offered my friends a little free time, for me, it actually resulted in eating up some of my former hours that I would usually sleep to keep the project moving forward during the shut-down.

There are so many things that need to be done, some I am unable to do during these times, which have made the things that I can do far more complicated and time-consuming… Not a problem. For those that know me well, you know that when I get my teeth into something good, I do whatever it takes to get ‘er done. So, I’m pushing forward. Much more in force than power at the moment.

That is to say, I’m feeling like I am pushing forward in my flesh, when I’d rather relax and let things unfold naturally. But I’ve reasoned that if I want to be ready to rock when the fog of this pandemic lifts, I need to man-up now, even if it’s more difficult.

I am still making room in my schedule for my clients, whose needs have also grown exponentially, as you might imagine, which as you know has always been a priority for me, as well.

Here am I, eating my own cooking again. I preach “when the going gets tough,” and, “how are you gonna get where you wanna be, if you’re not moving?”

I feel like I cannot let this coronavirus-thing take me out.

At the same time, all my friends are reaching out to me. I get that. But I’m so overwhelmed right now, trying to stay on track, I really don’t have time to commiserate or cavort with friends right now, and I know you guys need me right now.

This breaks my heart, that I feel like I cannot be with all of you right now. You know I love you, and I miss you as much as you’re missing me (maybe more).

On this surface, this might appear to be rude or insensitive, and I want you to know, more than anything that this is not the case. I am just so overwhelmed with all the pressure of this, right now, that I do not have the bandwidth to actively connect with you, whom I care deeply about.

I want you to know that I love you now more than ever, and just knowing that you are there, cheering me on, at a time when we should be able to spend more time together, helps me get through the day.

I know it might seem like I am an awful friend, right now, but believe me, I don’t care about you any less, and I love our love and friendship, and cherish it more now than ever, and I apologize for not “being there” for you during this crisis.

Please forgive me if I appear to be an awful friend, right now, I am doing the best I can with what I have, and bless you for your understanding and encouragement. We will celebrate when this cloud is lifted.

Sending my love to you.

-David M Masters

Masters Miracle Workers

I am so blessed to be working every day with some of the most amazing miracle workers on the planet. They come from all walks of life and are engaged in a wide variety of disciplines. Each one answering their own call and carving out their unique paths, living a better life, their best lives, and making the world a better place.

If you really are, as Jim Rohn says, “the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” then, well, I am speechless. I have the unique ability and privilege to hang out with some of the most gifted and amazing people on the planet.

When I am spending time with people, the people I am spending it with are by far some of the most amazing people in the world. They are awakening, evolving, and expanding in ways that are hardly imaginable to anyone without the special ability to recognize these advanced beings.

If you stumble onto me with a group of my friends, I can pretty much guarantee that I am not the smartest guy in the room because I surround myself with people who are extremely smart, talented, and gifted. These are literally the crème de la crème and they span a wide variety of industries.

There are scientists, engineers, doctors, lawyers, researchers, physicists, artists, healers, psychics, philosophers, therapists, … it just never ceases to impress me, how blessed I am to not only work with these people, but to call them my friends.

They are the smartest, most powerful people I know, they are masters and miracle workers in their own right and more are joining my circle all the time.

I am honored and blessed to be in their presence, and to be on the inside track. That is to say that I could very well be in the room when a breakthrough of immense magnitude takes place, and to be there, sometimes to be an active participant in the process, it just overwhelms my heart with gratitude.

I also work with people who are on the track to greatness, and I get to see them grow and blossom. You, too, might like to begin such a transformative process, but be aware that it is not a path for the faint of heart. It takes a great deal of commitment to your own self-discovery, tapping into and expanding your own intuitive nature.

We all have these innate special gifts and abilities, and your imagination and intuition are the keys to unlock the untold treasures that may be lying dormant within.

You could tap into the same resources of mind and spirit that these most powerful people on the planet have access to. Some say that these abilities teeter on the edge of clairvoyance or psychic abilities. Whatever you call it, it is an inner knowingness that something else is out there combined with the ability to access the energy of life which connects and permeates all things.

Each of us has had that intuitive “hit” when we feel something in our gut, or have a feeling that something’s up, and if someone were to ask you, you might respond with something like, “I can’t put my finger on it, but I just have a ‘feeling’,” or a knowing.

For others, there is this thing called clairaudience, where they actually hear what’s happening in between the lines, within the cracks of what is observable by the rest of us. Certain sounds can also trigger an intuitive response, quickening, or awareness.

As we try to unravel the mysteries of all these things in laboratories all over the world, one thing remains; there is definitely something going on here, which boggles one’s ability to understand these things.

And we call them, “miracles.”

Astrologers claim that those who are born under the signs of Scorpio or Pisces have a propensity to demonstrate these gifts and abilities, but as the human race continues to evolve, these extra sensory perceptions are being expressed in everyone, more and more, all the time.

So, why even consider that you might have these special abilities? Well, because it increases your connection. Your connection to others you care about, those who you’re barely aware of, anyone, and everything, really, increasing your understanding of everyone and everything.

You have greater access to expanded creativity, passion, and deeper, more meaningful love. It almost makes you embrace your more compassionate side, because of your greater understanding that everyone’s just doing the best they can with what they have, some better than others, and that’s okay.

Plus, this process helps to align yourself with your own inner power, passion, and mission in life, as you nullify and eliminate all those things you’ve accumulated over your lifetime that have been holding you back.

How did these masters and miracle workers do it?

Well, everyone has to make their own way from here to there (not that you really ever get “there”). For some, they used,

Meditation

Meditation is an excellent way to disconnect and to be open to everything else that “is” which is beyond our rationality. Plus, it’s just the most pleasant, peaceful state of mind.

Hypnosis

That’s a pretty good way to break through the layers of cognition and programming that are holding you back.

Positive Thinking

The power of positive thinking is a great place to start. I know this was an impactful step on my journey, and its action you can take while having your brain fully engaged.

Letting Go

Letting go is a little riskier and advanced, technologically, because we get so attached to thoughts, emotions, and stuff which makes a normal person go nuts, over stuff that seems so darn important, but really isn’t.

Giving Up Expectation

This one is huge! But essentially, if you can get a hold of the idea, if you have no expectation, if you’re not expecting anyone or anything to happen. If you’re not connected to a particular outcome, then you can simply allow whatever it is in life to unfurl before your eyes, and revel in the magnificence of it, no matter how it comes into being.

Trust Your Instincts

This is your intuition, that uneasy feeling you get that is hard to explain. The more you trust it, the better you get at it, and you will find it easier to interpret when it shows up.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Not just a song by Bobby McFerrin, but a life mantra that will allow you to be in resonance with everything your heart desires.

You, too, could have it all, just like the masters and miracle workers that I hang out with.

Maybe you and I should be hanging out.

Happy Easter

Today, I wished a dear friend, “Happy Easter,” and was met by a highly negative response, verbalized as, “I don’t celebrate Easter,” turning his back to me and walking away.

I get it. Everyone has a right to their own opinion, and I honor that in other people.

Over the course of my life, there are a few holidays that have special meaning for me and my family. In my life, there is a particular hierarchy of these holidays and in order, they have been,

1. Christmas
2. Fourth of July
3. Easter
4. Thanksgiving

The values of the celebration of these holidays decreased due to extreme trauma suffered by me and my family, but basically, the hierarchy remains in place, and as recovery continues, the overall value of these holidays remain as somewhat sacred tradition.

I must admit, when my friend abruptly shut down my friendly gesture of sharing something important to me, I was initially surprised and offended.

I thought of all the times that I supported my friend in the things that were important to him, that I could care less about. Always supportive, never rejecting him, his ideas, or the battles he chose to fight. Celebrating with him his wins and consoling him when struggling without judgment.

I was shocked at his response my simple, friendly salutation.

I was not imposing any belief, trying to convey any importance to the idea of it being Easter or any religious reference which may have been offensive.

Then I realized this was not about me. There was something within my friend which had been triggered by my, “Happy Easter,” and he responded appropriately based on his own inner wounds and fear. His response was not directed at me, even though I had initiated the phrase that triggered an inner child tantrum.

All things considered, he probably did an exceptional job of subduing the inner child’s outburst, had I taken it personally and decided to defend myself, the inner child’s ranting could have expressed itself as a full-on catastrophe.

So, I send love to my friend as he has the rest of the day to struggle with whatever his concerns are about his idea of Easter, and why he is unable to share in someone else’s joy during this (or any other) day that he may respond to negatively.

I understand that he, just like I am, is doing the best with what he has, and I allow him his own sacred space to work out the details, or not, without judgment.

For me, Easter remains to be one of my Top 4 holidays, and it does have spiritual significance for me.

I’ve never been so glad to find out that someone was not where they were supposed to be.

I cannot speak for anyone else and bless you no matter what you think or believe because I believe in you.

I love you.

Who Are Your Real Friends?

You’re a friendly person. You’ve made some friends. Then one day you wake to discover that there are friends and there are “friends.” So, who are your real friends?

Friends may look and feel similar on the surface, you feel good around them and have fun. When things get lean or rough, or maybe you need a little more support than usual, that’s when you find out who are your real friends.

Real friends have your back no matter what, unlike friends who may not be so genuine who make themselves scarce when times get rough. They are supportive of you, even when you suggest that you might like to try a bit of coloring outside the lines. If you want to explore or experience something new, they may or may not agree, or come along, but they will always support your right to do so and be excited to hear your stories about how it went, without judgment.

Over time friends get increased access to all the different sides of you. As they get to know you and all idiosyncrasies, real friends see these as interesting or “cute” sides of yourself, even that whacky unpredictable side of you that very few people know. They see these as individualities which make you a “cool” person, and they feel a sense of honor for getting to know you more intimately.

Unlike your shallower friends, those who are your real friends accept you just the way you are, however and whenever that might be. You don’t have to get dressed-up or fix yourself up to do a live video chat with your real friends. And they know that it goes both ways. You can meet at a coffee shop in your sweats like it’s “no thing.” It doesn’t matter because you share more than a superficial surface connection.

All your friends want you to make time for them, and you do a pretty good job, but what about when you would like them to come along with you, or meet you to share some quality time? Where are they? Your real friends will make time for you, even if it’s outside their normal schedule because real friends actually care about you, just as much as you care about them.

When you really need someone talk to, to share your heart with, your real friends will be there supporting you even in your toughest of times. If you’re sad, they might feel just as sad as you do but will try to be the strength you need when times get hard. They do not impose their views or advice, nor tell you what to do about whatever it is that’s troubling you. They let you express yourself fully, without judgment, empathetically supporting you along the way, reassuring you that things will be okay.

When all the other friends have faded away, your real friends will still be there. Even after long periods of time of not being in each other’s presence, when you get together again, it’s not like one day has passed and you pick up right where you left off.

And when you step on the wayside, lose your balance and falter, if they are not there to catch you when you fall, they will be there to help you pick up the pieces. Even if you’ve done something that has inadvertently caused harm to your friends, your real friends will not hold a grudge and they will forgive you because they are compassionate and know that they make mistakes, too, sometimes.

Above all your real friends value your confidence. They trust you and you trust them. You can tell your most intimate secrets to a real friend, and they will not tell your tales behind your back. Real friends protect you and respect you’re entrusting them with these sensitive details.

Who are your real friends? They’re the ones who’ve got you, no matter what.

A real friend has the potential to become your best friend.

The other friends, who might not be so genuine, will show their true colors soon enough. Hopefully, you don’t have to learn about them through friend betrayal.

Try not to judge them, for they are only doing the best they can with what they have. Maybe they will learn how to be better friends later in life. Who knows?

Toxic Friend Much?

What about when a friend is verbally or emotionally abusive to you? It’s easy for a friend to laugh it off as a joke or accuse you of being too sensitive. There is a sort of locker-room camaraderie which is a good cover for bullying using such methods as put-downs, name-calling, or teasing.

Even if it is all in good fun, piercing jabs can still cut like a knife, even if you try to convince yourself that you might be misinterpreting their snide remarks. They couldn’t possibly have mean to cut you to the quick, like that.

Nonetheless, you deserve the respect to which you are entitled. Your life is not a joke to be laughed at or made fun of. No one has the right to take you or your life for granted. You never need to heed anyone’s disrespect or other toxic abuse.

Toxic friend much?

If you’re disrespected by someone in your inner circle of friends, you might have to do a bit of emotional housecleaning. Disrespect has many faces, like not valuing your goals or intentions. They take cheap jabs at your appearance, clothing choices, job, what kind of car you drive, or home you live in. They may not value your time, skills, or special abilities, and may ask you to help them but never have an inclination to honor the value of such or offer to pay for your services.

They make fun of you, making you the but of their jokes, condescend in public, in an effort to make themselves look better at your expense. If they don’t stick up for you, support you, express an interest in your life, recognize your value, or understand who you are or how important living the way you do is to you, it might be time to cut them loose.

If you find yourself unable to share intimate details about your because they’ll be disregarded or made fun of, or worse yet, tell wild stories about your shared personal data behind your back, this person is not a friend. If a friend cannot take you seriously, or see from your point of view, at least trying to understand what it might be like to be in your shoes, he or she might not be as good a friend as you may have thought.

If your friend discounts what you have to say doesn’t want to listen to you or feels as though anything you might have to say doesn’t matter. They might even ask you for your opinion about something but disregard your input as invaluable, they may see themselves as superior to you and your input as worthless.

You can trust a true friend with your most intimate details. A friend that cannot be trusted isn’t much of a friend. If he or she makes a promise, and you cannot depend on it, or take them at their word, there is not much of a friendship foundation of trust on which to build.

What if you know that your friend is untrustworthy or has a dark side? You know he or she tells half-truths, withholds information, or right-out lies. It’s only a matter of time, ‘til you find yourself on the wrong side of this person, as he or she talks behind your back, tells lies about you, betrays you, or sets you up to take the fall for something you didn’t have anything to do with.

Friends who are constantly using you, draining you or valuable resources, they are counted among the energy vampires and have little or no respect for you and your needs.

Toxic friendships can be hard to let go of because you are attached to this person, you care about and may even love him or her, but this person is not good for you. The toxicity may ebb and flow, sometimes being tolerable or fine, but at other times, tragic. This kind of back and forth, up and down, kind of relationship is crazymaking.

You have every right to be you, and it’s up to you to protect the sacred space which surrounds you.

Your sacred space is your holy of holies and it’s up to you to keep it sacred. Surround yourself with people you can trust to value you, your love, support you, lift you up, inspire you, and to keep an honorable give-and-take relationship.

Who is Your Best Friend?

Who is your best friend? That person who is always there for you, listens to what you have to say without judgment, laughs with you when you fall short of the mark, eager to see things from your point of view, encourages, supports and cares for you unconditionally is your best friend.

Your best friend builds you up, doesn’t tear you down, and when your world is crumbling all around you, is the only one who risks all to stand beside you when everyone else is running to save themselves from the falling debris.

A best friend will soften the blow of harsh truths and also can face you with the most piercing truths without tiptoeing around the most sensitive details. In a sense, helping you see the things in yourself that even you might find hard to face.

Your best friend maintains a delicate give-and-take balance. I help you, you help me, and we celebrate each other’s wins and failures, with a supportive smile. Even in our darkest hour.

Your friend accepts you for all your strengths, weaknesses, catastrophes, and doesn’t talk behind your back. Your friend sees and believes in your greatest potential while inspiring you to achieve your highest and best.

You can trust your best friend with the most intimate details of your life, your dreams, your fears, your innermost thoughts, and personal struggles.

A best friend brings out the best in you.

Without friends, joy would not be as sweet, and grief might be utterly intolerable.

Your friend is the witness to your life and the part you played in this life. If anything were to happen to you, your friend is the one person who might be able to tell your story, if you weren’t there to tell it.

You don’t have to pretend to be anything. In the presence of your friend, you are safe to be who you are, honest, open, vulnerable, without fear of being betrayed. You can trust that your friend will maintain confidentiality, no matter what.

Friends will come and go, but your best friend, will always be there. Even if you are separated by time and space, your relationship survives perfectly intact. When you are reunited, you pick up right where you left off without missing a beat.

A true friend survives the test of time.

Lovers may come and go but the love of a true friend endures. While the temporal waves of this life crest and trough, your friend is the buoy willfully tethered to you for better or worse.

In a perfect world, our family would be our best of friends. In the world where we live, our friends become our best family, bound by more than flesh and blood.

There is tremendous gratitude for the friends who have stood by me, in the good times, and the bad. Friends who did not judge, berate, and helped me to look at the bright side, even when things looked bleak, and hope was all but lost.

There is great love here for my family of friends.

My wish for you, is that you can find such friends in your life.

A true friend can make all the difference, adding sacred spice to your life.

The following is a poem written by Aaron (Ben-Neth) Fairbairn written in 2002:

My Friends

I think that I may tend to overlook
What I read in an assigned textbook
But one thought fills my heart with cheer
It’s the thought of my friends I’ve made this year

School, to some, may appear too tough
Too hard, too simple, not fashionable enough
Still I go, I attend with school pride
Because I have my friends by my side

Everyday wondering what I should wear
What clothes, what shoes, how to fix my hair
I don’t know why I fret, or even care
As long as I know that my friends will be there

School can be a hassle, getting up early everyday
But it all seems worth it in some strange kind of way
As another school year comes to close and ends
I know those I’ll miss the most are my friends

Leaving the Old Hood And Make New Friends

At some point, you’re going to have to get out, leaving the old hood and make new friends, especially if you’re taking your life in a new direction.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with someone who wanted to start a new life, going in a completely different direction, and ended up falling right back into the old life patterns because they didn’t change the kinds of people they were around.

I know you’ve seen it, too. It’s like you can’t overcome the power of “the hood.” The hood represents your old neighborhood, and old support system, populated by people who do not want you to change. They want you to keep your old life and be the old you.

If you really want to break free from your old life, you’re going to have to reach out and meet new people, and if being gregarious and inviting new people to participate in your life does not come easily to you, you can still do the work of reaching out to people outside the influence of your former neighborhood (which could represent your actual neighborhood, your family, former friends, coworkers, or other social networks).

If it’s not coming easy for you, you can practice meeting new people by placing yourself amidst people you would not otherwise have access to. You can check out the events section of the newspaper, or other media to make yourself aware of events happening in your area. Pick one. Show up and set out to exchange contact information with one new person from a different hood. Then pick another event. This time meet two new people, adding one more person to each successive event. It will be awkward at first but it gets better and easier the more you do it.

Don’t wait for someone else to create the kind of event you’d like to attend. Think about being bold enough to sponsor your own meet and greet. Put together an event that will benefit others who are the kind of people you’d like to meet. These could be people who share the same interests in hobbies, career, personal growth or development, anything, really, that could be the common thread. And you get celebrated for being the conduit that connects these people to each other.

You can connect to like-minded people via social media. If you’ve already been active in social media and have it heavily populated with your old hood, think about creating a new profile, that represents the new you, and start exposing yourself and attracting a new audience.

Sharing your ideas and adding value to your new social network can be priceless. Think about making positive, powerful posts that will appeal to your new audience, and even think of creating live streaming videos that will add value and attract the kinds of people you want to hang with.

You don’t always have to be responsible for what you share or stream live You can ask some of the other people you’re meeting to share via your channel. Many people will be willing to do this in an effort to broaden their reach and you are offering a great benefit to your growing audience.

Online forums can be a good way to offer help and add value to others. It can go both ways, you can offer support and also get access to information happening in real time that could give you insight into new trends and help you to come up with new ideas.

You could access an existing group meeting by checking out what’s available in your local area via Meetup.com. Perusing this site for meetups in your area, either by the computer, or convenient phone app, might just do the trick for exposing yourself to new people. There are meetups happening around us all the time, and if you’re having trouble finding the right fit for you, think about starting your own meetup.

Volunteering to support an organization for an event or fundraiser can be huge in exposing you to new people. Plus, there’s no better way to support others without costing you a dime, if you have the time to offer your support to some worthy cause. If you’re attending an event, try finding out who’s in charge and offer to lend a hand for the next event.

If the event you’re attending features presentations by various “experts” in a particular field, if you feel comfortable with the idea, you could offer to be a speaker at a future event. If you find yourself scheduled for such a gig, try to be prepared. Acquaint yourself with your subject and be prepared to answer questions, and if you don’t know the answer, defer with an, “I don’t know, but I will find out and get back to you on that,” type of response. Remember people respect the idea that you’re stepping out and taking a chance at trying something new, so make that known from the outset, people will listen attentively if you approach them with humility and they are more likely to want to support you.

If you’re attending an event and exposing yourself to a new audience, try to acquaint yourself with the type of folks who might be attending the event, so that you’re not likely to stick out, like a sore thumb. If the group is predominantly men, and you’re a woman, you might want to keep looking for another event, or at least to be forewarned and prepared to be surrounded by the opposite sex. It might be a good idea to make yourself aware of the general age of the group in attendance, the average educational background, political, or religious affiliation, or other demographic information so that you can be prepared to better fit in.

Armed with information about what kind of people you will be meeting at any given event will give you time to prepare. Have some questions in mind to ask of the people in attendance. Asking questions is a great way to get to know someone and most people like to be asked questions because it adds value to what they have to offer. You never know, someone might be willing to take you under their wing to show you the ropes.

You want to be a sponge, absorbing new information, but you also want to contribute more than you receive. Be sure to give others your best stuff, and they will respect your contribution to the greater community. Be humble, open, honest and supportive, making sure that people know how they can contact you if they would like further access to you in the future.

If you are having second thoughts about reaching out to new people, it’s probably just your fear of the unknown, because you haven’t done it before. Trust me, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Just be certain not to act like a big shot or know-it-all. People appreciate someone who is humble, open, honest and somewhat curious (but not too inquisitive).

Once you start getting out there and meeting new people, you will find yourself having access to new information you would have never had access to otherwise, and you will find yourself making new acquaintances and friends who are the kind of people who will support your new life.

Don’t take it too seriously and look for the good in all things.

You Are a Blessing to Me

This life has been so magnificent and I have met so many people along the way. Most all of them have brought something valuable to the table and many of them have taught me the most invaluable lessons.

I must say, while I adore each and every one of you, my favorites have got to be the friends who have been there and have never left me.

I mean, I have had very deep and meaningful relationships which I anticipated lasting forever, yet it lasted for only a limited amount of time. While those individuals have gone on to pursue other lives and lifestyles, I often think of them, wonder how they are doing and send them light and love.

No one knows better than me, that when you are embroiled in a hectic lifestyle in tune with your mission and purpose, there is less time to entertain the people whom I have had the benefit of crossing paths with along the way.

We meet where our paths intersect, exchange niceties, interact, offer each other love or abrasion, kindness or dissension, or the invaluable passing of knowledge and/or enlightenment. Oh, what a life…

It’s weird. I never really stop caring for friends whom I’ve bonded with in the past. Maybe because I have issues deep within – possibly abandonment issues – that spill over into other areas of my life.

For whatever reason, I form these longstanding attachments, even if the other people have moved on.

As I continue to grow, I understand the necessity of others to clear the way and not to be distracted by others, especially those who are on a different path… and my path feels so unique, that I am thoroughly excited and pleased to encounter another human being with similar resonance along the way. Though it is not long when our paths begin to veer off into different directions. And this is how it should be.

There are no accidents in this life. Every person I meet comes into my life with an explicit purpose, and it is up to me to uncover what the purpose each person will play in the overall ongoing performance of my life, which (if I could tell you all the stories, you would agree) has been the most intense experience.

The finely tuned and orchestrated symphony of people moving in and out of our lives along the way helps us to grow, mature and appreciate each and every one of the precious moments, each bearing its own unique gifts.

You might ask, “What if a relationship ends badly?”

It may take a great deal of courage and forgiveness to be able to do the work of seeing the value and love in an otherwise negative experience, but it is so worth it.

I have been guilty of holding a grudge in the past, only later to be able to see the blessings that I was unable to see in the moment, possibly distracted or overcome with a sense of betrayal or loss.

I am so grateful to have met so many people here with whom I resonate. You have truly blessed me. I love you.

Find Friends

Let’s face it, without friends to share the good moments in life with, it reduces one’s quality of life. And if you’ve taken the position of, “I don’t need no stinking friends,” then it is certain that you will not. If you ever find yourself in need of a friend (which happens from time to time) you will not have anyone to turn to when it would be beneficial to have someone you could lean on.

I’m not saying you have to have a hundred friends, although someone I work with has hundreds of friends – probably the most connected person I’ve ever met – and while he maintains genuine friendships with them, when he needs a friend for anything (personally or professionally) a simple text, email or phone call is all it takes for them jump at the opportunity to help him. A few friends, like four or five, who live in within a hundred miles or so would serve you well.

These should be special friends. That means they are compatible, share some of the same interests and passion as you, integrous, trustworthy and you will have each other’s back. It’s not likely this will happen overnight but to remain open and willing to invite a few special people into your life would help to attract the right kind of people but don’t expect your new friends to materialize in front of you.

You have to put yourself in the right places to find friends who are the kind of people that would make good friends. You might even have to create opportunities to find friends. Consider joining an organization, creating your own club, networking event, regular themed meet up or meeting that will attract participants who are likely to share similar interests.

As you’re attracting a core group of friends who will “have your back” and you theirs, keep in mind that you are not desperate, and do not try to force a friendship. If you’re in the right place at the right time, a potential friendship will blossom naturally. Though you may need to make the first move (invite someone to coffee, etc.) be thoughtful enough not to seem aggressive while finding friends. Maintaining a genuine friendship is not hard work; they simply grow and mature without much effort.

Once you’ve met someone in public, you will need to move to a more private arena to build a relationship. True friendships are built off-line, not just during breaks at events. If you think you are too shy, you might want to practice putting yourself out there enough to create bonds with people you might like or learn to love if given the chance.

If you find a friend, or two, at a particular event or venue, it may be time to reach out to another group of people or to hang out with their other friends at other get-togethers to give you new opportunities to find potential friends that can grow into authentic relationships.

It is important to maintain a sense of community. You may find your regular circle of friends and family are not as supportive of your goals, dreams and desires – and may not even recognize a win for you as such, so – expecting them to celebrate with you would be confusing to them. But a group of like-minded individuals will “get you” and celebrate enthusiastically, helping to cement your new plateau, and encourage you to reach even farther on your quest to your highest and best.

These people could end up being your most trusted long term friends for life.

Friends and Success

It has been said that your level of success will represent the average level of success of the five people that you spend the most time with. These are your friends and associates; they support you, pay attention to you, tolerate you, listen to your troubles and laugh with you when you are happy.

Your friends and associates may be a challenge preventing your personal growth, especially if they view your desire to be successful as folly… It is not! Rise above the negativity by joining with others, just like yourself, who seek to be successful and are taking the steps to move above and beyond the negativity, to embrace a successful lifestyle.

We’re not talking about toxic individuals in your life so much as people who slowly drain your enthusiasm and drive to break-through to your more productive, abundant and blessed full expression of your life.

Does that mean ditching your friends?

This is a decision you need to make on your own. Are your friends holding you back? Maybe it’s time to consider making new friends…

I met a man by the name of Darnell, who was at 26 years old a felon and already served four-and-a-half years in two separate incarcerations of his adult life and had spent countless time in the juvenile system during his youth.

He came to me in a coaching relationship seeking a better life. The first words out of his mouth to me in our first session were, “My life’s a mess and it ain’t gonna change unless I change and I can’t change unless I change my life, where I live and ditch my best friends.”

These are the kinds of clients that I attract. Some people may call me a motivational coach, but it’s just not true because I don’t motivate anyone. People who are motivated to change their lives or uncover their life’s hidden treasures, discover and share their gifts with the world to make it a better place.

The people who work with me bring their own motivation when they seek me out. I love working with people committed to change, personal, emotional, financial and spiritual growth. I truly have the best job and attract the best clients.

Darnell knew – without me even hinting to it – that his current environment, life circumstances and friends (some who were lifelong friends) were holding him back. And any time that he might make the least amount of progress, the whirlpool of his life that he had come to know as his, “normal,” would suck him back down the drain.

Darnell needed to create a, New Normal, and he was self-motivated, committed to his goal and I was honored to be invited to watch his story unfold. He started a business and began the creative process of building the business, creating his brand and promoting his business, while working on his own lifestyle readjustments along the way but it didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work, dedication, cutting ties and building new relationships.

He relocated only half-an-hour away from the place that he felt held him back, giving him enough room to remain independent while still being able to interact with family with the option of being able to easily disconnect and drive home where he was building his new life.

While reinventing himself, he didn’t completely disassociate with his old life, but only visits occasionally, though due to his commitment to change, many of his former friends have lost interest in him. It’s been five years since Darnell sought me out and now he is enjoying his new life, new friends, was recently married and is starting a family.

We all could learn a lesson from Darnell. Maybe our current family, friends and environment… that part of life that seems normal could be the influence that is keeping us from achieving greatness, sharing our message, embracing our gifts or enjoying the fullness of our inspired human potential.

In business and in life, the people that you hang out with can make all the difference. It is one of the basic tenets of success. After all, we are who we spend time with. It may not be necessary to disassociate from others who might be holding you back, if simply making new – more positively supportive and synchronistic – friends and associates would do the trick.

Is it time to re-evaluate and make a change? Is it necessary for you to consider adjusting your social matrix, evaluating potentially unhealthy relationships (possibly using a T chart) to move forward into the better life that is calling you?

1. Christmas 2. Fourth of July 3. Easter 4. Thanksgiving

Toxic friend much?

My Friends

1. Christmas
2. Fourth of July
3. Easter
4. Thanksgiving