Leaving the Old Hood And Make New Friends

At some point, you’re going to have to get out, leaving the old hood and make new friends, especially if you’re taking your life in a new direction.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve worked with someone who wanted to start a new life, going in a completely different direction, and ended up falling right back into the old life patterns because they didn’t change the kinds of people they were around.

I know you’ve seen it, too. It’s like you can’t overcome the power of “the hood.” The hood represents your old neighborhood, and old support system, populated by people who do not want you to change. They want you to keep your old life and be the old you.

If you really want to break free from your old life, you’re going to have to reach out and meet new people, and if being gregarious and inviting new people to participate in your life does not come easily to you, you can still do the work of reaching out to people outside the influence of your former neighborhood (which could represent your actual neighborhood, your family, former friends, coworkers, or other social networks).

If it’s not coming easy for you, you can practice meeting new people by placing yourself amidst people you would not otherwise have access to. You can check out the events section of the newspaper, or other media to make yourself aware of events happening in your area. Pick one. Show up and set out to exchange contact information with one new person from a different hood. Then pick another event. This time meet two new people, adding one more person to each successive event. It will be awkward at first but it gets better and easier the more you do it.

Don’t wait for someone else to create the kind of event you’d like to attend. Think about being bold enough to sponsor your own meet and greet. Put together an event that will benefit others who are the kind of people you’d like to meet. These could be people who share the same interests in hobbies, career, personal growth or development, anything, really, that could be the common thread. And you get celebrated for being the conduit that connects these people to each other.

You can connect to like-minded people via social media. If you’ve already been active in social media and have it heavily populated with your old hood, think about creating a new profile, that represents the new you, and start exposing yourself and attracting a new audience.

Sharing your ideas and adding value to your new social network can be priceless. Think about making positive, powerful posts that will appeal to your new audience, and even think of creating live streaming videos that will add value and attract the kinds of people you want to hang with.

You don’t always have to be responsible for what you share or stream live You can ask some of the other people you’re meeting to share via your channel. Many people will be willing to do this in an effort to broaden their reach and you are offering a great benefit to your growing audience.

Online forums can be a good way to offer help and add value to others. It can go both ways, you can offer support and also get access to information happening in real time that could give you insight into new trends and help you to come up with new ideas.

You could access an existing group meeting by checking out what’s available in your local area via Meetup.com. Perusing this site for meetups in your area, either by the computer, or convenient phone app, might just do the trick for exposing yourself to new people. There are meetups happening around us all the time, and if you’re having trouble finding the right fit for you, think about starting your own meetup.

Volunteering to support an organization for an event or fundraiser can be huge in exposing you to new people. Plus, there’s no better way to support others without costing you a dime, if you have the time to offer your support to some worthy cause. If you’re attending an event, try finding out who’s in charge and offer to lend a hand for the next event.

If the event you’re attending features presentations by various “experts” in a particular field, if you feel comfortable with the idea, you could offer to be a speaker at a future event. If you find yourself scheduled for such a gig, try to be prepared. Acquaint yourself with your subject and be prepared to answer questions, and if you don’t know the answer, defer with an, “I don’t know, but I will find out and get back to you on that,” type of response. Remember people respect the idea that you’re stepping out and taking a chance at trying something new, so make that known from the outset, people will listen attentively if you approach them with humility and they are more likely to want to support you.

If you’re attending an event and exposing yourself to a new audience, try to acquaint yourself with the type of folks who might be attending the event, so that you’re not likely to stick out, like a sore thumb. If the group is predominantly men, and you’re a woman, you might want to keep looking for another event, or at least to be forewarned and prepared to be surrounded by the opposite sex. It might be a good idea to make yourself aware of the general age of the group in attendance, the average educational background, political, or religious affiliation, or other demographic information so that you can be prepared to better fit in.

Armed with information about what kind of people you will be meeting at any given event will give you time to prepare. Have some questions in mind to ask of the people in attendance. Asking questions is a great way to get to know someone and most people like to be asked questions because it adds value to what they have to offer. You never know, someone might be willing to take you under their wing to show you the ropes.

You want to be a sponge, absorbing new information, but you also want to contribute more than you receive. Be sure to give others your best stuff, and they will respect your contribution to the greater community. Be humble, open, honest and supportive, making sure that people know how they can contact you if they would like further access to you in the future.

If you are having second thoughts about reaching out to new people, it’s probably just your fear of the unknown, because you haven’t done it before. Trust me, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Just be certain not to act like a big shot or know-it-all. People appreciate someone who is humble, open, honest and somewhat curious (but not too inquisitive).

Once you start getting out there and meeting new people, you will find yourself having access to new information you would have never had access to otherwise, and you will find yourself making new acquaintances and friends who are the kind of people who will support your new life.

Don’t take it too seriously and look for the good in all things.

You Are a Blessing to Me

This life has been so magnificent and I have met so many people along the way. Most all of them have brought something valuable to the table and many of them have taught me the most invaluable lessons.

you-are-a-blessingto-me-all-the-people-in-my-life-i-love-you

I must say, while I adore each and every one of you, my favorites have got to be the friends who have been there and have never left me.

I mean, I have had very deep and meaningful relationships which I anticipated lasting forever, yet it lasted for only a limited amount of time. While those individuals have gone on to pursue other lives and lifestyles, I often think of them, wonder how they are doing and send them light and love.

No one knows better than me, that when you are embroiled in a hectic lifestyle in tune with your mission and purpose, there is less time to entertain the people whom I have had the benefit of crossing paths with along the way.

We meet where our paths intersect, exchange niceties, interact, offer each other love or abrasion, kindness or dissension, or the invaluable passing of knowledge and/or enlightenment. Oh, what a life…

It’s weird. I never really stop caring for friends whom I’ve bonded with in the past. Maybe because I have issues deep within – possibly abandonment issues – that spill over into other areas of my life.

For whatever reason, I form these longstanding attachments, even if the other people have moved on.

As I continue to grow, I understand the necessity of others to clear the way and not to be distracted by others, especially those who are on a different path… and my path feels so unique, that I am thoroughly excited and pleased to encounter another human being with similar resonance along the way. Though it is not long when our paths begin to veer off into different directions. And this is how it should be.

There are no accidents in this life. Every person I meet comes into my life with an explicit purpose, and it is up to me to uncover what the purpose each person will play in the overall ongoing performance of my life, which (if I could tell you all the stories, you would agree) has been the most intense experience.

The finely tuned and orchestrated symphony of people moving in and out of our lives along the way helps us to grow, mature and appreciate each and every one of the precious moments, each bearing its own unique gifts.

i-am-so-grateful-to-have-met-so-many-people-here-with-whom-i-resonate-you-have-truly-blessed-me-i-love-youYou might ask, “What if a relationship ends badly?”

It may take a great deal of courage and forgiveness to be able to do the work of seeing the value and love in an otherwise negative experience, but it is so worth it.

I have been guilty of holding a grudge in the past, only later to be able to see the blessings that I was unable to see in the moment, possibly distracted or overcome with a sense of betrayal or loss.

 

I am so grateful to have met so many people here with whom I resonate. You have truly blessed me. I love you.

Find Friends

Let’s face it, without friends to share the good moments in life with, it reduces one’s quality of life. And if you’ve taken the position of, “I don’t need no stinking friends,” then it is certain that you will not. If you ever find yourself in need of a friend (which happens from time to time) you will not have anyone to turn to when it would be beneficial to have someone you could lean on.

I’m not saying you have to have a hundred friends, although someone I work with has hundreds of friends – probably the most connected person I’ve ever met – and while he maintains genuine friendships with them, when he needs a friend for anything (personally or professionally) a simple text, email or phone call is all it takes for them jump at the opportunity to help him. A few friends, like four or five, who live in within a hundred miles or so would serve you well.

These should be special friends. That means they are compatible, share some of the same interests and passion as you, integrous, trustworthy and you will have each other’s back. It’s not likely this will happen overnight but to remain open and willing to invite a few special people into your life would help to attract the right kind of people but don’t expect your new friends to materialize in front of you.

find friends frienships relationships

You have to put yourself in the right places to find friends who are the kind of people that would make good friends. You might even have to create opportunities to find friends. Consider joining an organization, creating your own club, networking event, regular themed meet up or meeting that will attract participants who are likely to share similar interests.

As you’re attracting a core group of friends who will “have your back” and you theirs, keep in mind that you are not desperate, and do not try to force a friendship. If you’re in the right place at the right time, a potential friendship will blossom naturally. Though you may need to make the first move (invite someone to coffee, etc.) be thoughtful enough not to seem aggressive while finding friends. Maintaining a genuine friendship is not hard work; they simply grow and mature without much effort.

Once you’ve met someone in public, you will need to move to a more private arena to build a relationship. True friendships are built off-line, not just during breaks at events. If you think you are too shy, you might want to practice putting yourself out there enough to create bonds with people you might like or learn to love if given the chance.

If you find a friend, or two, at a particular event or venue, it may be time to reach out to another group of people or to hang out with their other friends at other get-togethers to give you new opportunities to find potential friends that can grow into authentic relationships.

It is important to maintain a sense of community. You may find your regular circle of friends and family are not as supportive of your goals, dreams and desires – and may not even recognize a win for you as such, so – expecting them to celebrate with you would be confusing to them. But a group of like-minded individuals will “get you” and celebrate enthusiastically, helping to cement your new plateau, and encourage you to reach even farther on your quest to your highest and best.

These people could end up being your most trusted long term friends for life.

Friends and Success

It has been said that your level of success will represent the average level of success of the five people that you spend the most time with. These are your friends and associates; they support you, pay attention to you, tolerate you, listen to your troubles and laugh with you when you are happy.

Consider making new friends for a better life

Your friends and associates may be a challenge preventing your personal growth, especially if they view your desire to be successful as folly… It is not! Rise above the negativity by joining with others, just like yourself, who seek to be successful and are taking the steps to move above and beyond the negativity, to embrace a successful lifestyle.

We’re not talking about toxic individuals in your life so much as people who slowly drain your enthusiasm and drive to break-through to your more productive, abundant and blessed full expression of your life.

Does that mean ditching your friends?

This is a decision you need to make on your own. Are your friends holding you back? Maybe it’s time to consider making new friends…

I met a man by the name of Darnell, who was at 26 years old a felon and already served four-and-a-half years in two separate incarcerations of his adult life and had spent countless time in the juvenile system during his youth.

He came to me in a coaching relationship seeking a better life. The first words out of his mouth to me in our first session were, “My life’s a mess and it ain’t gonna change unless I change and I can’t change unless I change my life, where I live and ditch my best friends.”

These are the kinds of clients that I attract. Some people may call me a motivational coach, but it’s just not true because I don’t motivate anyone. People who are motivated to change their lives or uncover their life’s hidden treasures, discover and share their gifts with the world to make it a better place.

The people who work with me bring their own motivation when they seek me out. I love working with people committed to change, personal, emotional, financial and spiritual growth. I truly have the best job and attract the best clients.

Could your friends be the chains that bind you

Darnell knew – without me even hinting to it – that his current environment, life circumstances and friends (some who were lifelong friends) were holding him back. And any time that he might make the least amount of progress, the whirlpool of his life that he had come to know as his, “normal,” would suck him back down the drain.

Darnell needed to create a, New Normal, and he was self-motivated, committed to his goal and I was honored to be invited to watch his story unfold. He started a business and began the creative process of building the business, creating his brand and promoting his business, while working on his own lifestyle readjustments along the way but it didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of work, dedication, cutting ties and building new relationships.

He relocated only half-an-hour away from the place that he felt held him back, giving him enough room to remain independent while still being able to interact with family with the option of being able to easily disconnect and drive home where he was building his new life.

While reinventing himself, he didn’t completely disassociate with his old life, but only visits occasionally, though due to his commitment to change, many of his former friends have lost interest in him. It’s been five years since Darnell sought me out and now he is enjoying his new life, new friends, was recently married and is starting a family.

We all could learn a lesson from Darnell. Maybe our current family, friends and environment… that part of life that seems normal could be the influence that is keeping us from achieving greatness, sharing our message, embracing our gifts or enjoying the fullness of our inspired human potential.

In business and in life, the people that you hang out with can make all the difference. It is one of the basic tenets of success. After all, we are who we spend time with. It may not be necessary to disassociate from others who might be holding you back, if simply making new – more positively supportive and synchronistic – friends and associates would do the trick.

Is it time to re-evaluate and make a change? Is it necessary for you to consider adjusting your social matrix, evaluating potentially unhealthy relationships (possibly using a T chart) to move forward into the better life that is calling you?

Intention Activities Friends

You are a physiological representation of your vibrational energy. The important contributions to maintaining your personal frequency of vibration are:

Intention
Activities
Friends

intention activities friends energy vibration communication

We are energetic composites of what is our own ideas about how we see ourselves or would like others to see us (intention), how we spend our time (the activities in which we engage) and the people with whom we associate with (who you hang with).

When we interface with other people, our energetic interaction will either influence the person with whom we are communicating positively or negatively. When you speak to someone do your words express life or death? When we communicate with others our words are charged with our own vibrational energy the result will either have a healing effect on the recipient or a harmful effect.

Realizing this puts an incredible amount of pressure on those of us who are on a constant and never-ending path of increased performance and personal growth. It means accepting responsibility for how our own energy, words, and method of communication affects those around us.

Intention

Everything begins with intention. I could only assume that your intention is to have a healthy, healing and positive impact on the lives of anyone with whom you are interacting.

Our intention affects the delivery of our message greatly. It influences our body language, voice inflection, choice of words and the general “feeling” that is felt by the recipient. Even if our words are carefully and cognizantly selected, if they are not consistent with our energetic field, the person you’re trying to communicate will not be able to receive your intended message, for they will sense the incongruency and they will be more confused than receptive.

Taking a breath and a moment to set your intention and connecting with your heart before engaging in a conversation (or performance) can help to set the stage for a more effective experience.

Activities

How you spend your time sets the frequency for your personal energetic vibration. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out, either. You know how to evaluate what frequency you are tuned into by how you feel about a particular activity.
Some of the activities that you engage in do not make you feel good, they send you reeling down the energetic vibration scale. How you feel is a clear indication of where you are on the scale.

How do you feel when you watch the news? How do you feel when you listen to a debate? How do you feel when you play a video game?

How do you feel when you hear (or participate in) gossip? Gossip, or talking behind someone’s back disrespectfully, is an interesting energetic phenomenon. When you engage in gossip you engage in a negative energetic vibration that seeks out the subject of your conversation and sends harmful energy to him or her. Is that really something you want to do? Even if the recipient doesn’t know you, they still feel your negative energy. (This is a scientific fact.)

On the other hand, how do you feel when you volunteer to feed the homeless? How do you feel when you hold a baby in your arms? Snuggle with your cat (or dog, etc…)? How do you feel when singing in the shower, taking a walk along the water, or watching a beautiful sunset?

In terms of your energetic vibration, you are what you do. That is to say, the activities that you participate in sets the tone (vibration) that permeates your life, fueling and determining the energy field surrounding you that affects everything else you do.

Friends

It is said that you will be the average of your best five friends, the five friends that you spend the most of your time with (which may not be your “best” friends, for you might have friends that you are closer to, but spend less time with).

So, who are the friends (or people) that you spend the most time with? What are they like? Are they the type of people that you aspire to be? What is their average energetic vibration?

Their energetic vibration will influence yours, and yours will tend to find a resonant vibration similar to their energetic average. So, if you aspire to maintain a higher vibration, it is advisable to spend more time with folks who maintain vibrations higher than yours. This will help raise your vibration.

The knowledge of all this and your ability to take responsibility for your vibration empowers you to keep on track in terms of achieving your highest and best.

Connecting with Friends

Ever notice how friends seem to come and go throughout your life, yet others… Appear and reappear at various intervals… and when you get together it’s as if no time has passed as you slip right into the loving and caring relationship where you last left off?

That’s the sign of a true friend

People don’t seem to create the same kind of lasting bonds as they used to.

What’s social media got to do with it?

Social media is dual sided

Sure, it can instantly connect us to family, friends, acquaintances, business associates and people from our past. In regards to connecting in this fashion, the medium is priceless. I even use it to be engaged in the lives of my family and kids, somewhat closing the gap of separation by geography.

The electronic medium is instant – and delayed – all at the same time. Someone can post something in real time, and the viewer can view and/or comment at a time that is convenient.

In these respects social media is a huge upgrade to our lives on planet earth.

On the other hand it leads to deterioration in the level of intimacy in social relationships.

Friendships are more superficial, as there is less one-on-one face-to-face intimate communication.

Plus, there is a technological separation – a barrier – which cannot be bridged by social media. It is easier for me to misrepresent, cover-up, be dishonest or lie via social media to my “friends.”

There is less opportunity to open-up, trust and remain unfiltered in true heart-to-heart communication. Which turns out to create a greater need for counseling, coaching and consulting; and even these areas are beginning to move from offices to streaming via electronic mediums.

Making Real Friends

Childhood friends can form meaningful deep friendship for life

My earliest friendships date back to my childhood; from frolicking and playing (Dog-pile!) with my young friends, out in the open, walking the streets, hiking trails, splashing in streams, playing in the woods… Having fun and exploring; bonding, without supervision, without fear (except the fear of getting in trouble for not honoring the rule of heading for home when the street lights turned on).

Other friendships were forged in between classes from grade school through college. While in-person training is still the accepted model in public schools, there is a growing trend amongst greater education (starting to infiltrate high school) to telecommute or attend via Internet. Not having downtime in between classes, does not allow potential for developing a deep level friendship.

Take a Look Around

The next time you go out to a night club, restaurant – or even a college cafeteria – and take a look around… Even in these public social environments, more and more people are on their phones and tablets, connecting with others, even each other. Yes, I witnessed (and you may, too):

Two men sitting at the bar communicating with each other via text and over social media.

I realize I’m sounding like an “old person” right about now, because the times they are a changing.

The changes have me concerned about the future.

From this perspective, I see the world moving to a place where meaningful relationships are much less meaningful and are superseded by a new model of social connection that – while very connected – is completely disconnected.

How will this affect the future?

Will our children’s children be less likely to have meaningful connections (true friends) with other individuals?
Will there be a growing trend for us to further imprison ourselves, crawling deeper into our homes and only connect electronically with the outside world?

I may only have a handful of true friends – the ones who I have forged impenetrable relationships with, standing the test of time – but they are by far among the most treasured the most meaningful components of a life that would otherwise be solitary, even though I am surrounded by thousands of people. I salute each and every one of you with an enthusiastic

I love you, man!

Now, I’m going to go check to see how liked I am by counting my Facebook friends… 🙂