Getting to Know You

When you’re getting to know someone, you are also letting them get to know you better. The best way to do this is to be open, honest, find common ground and communicate with each other as you build a relationship without judgment. Especially in the beginning, it’s best to avoid conversations which can lead to disagreement or conflict.

Not being quick to assume, accuse or judge someone can go a long way in building rapport, so just don’t go there. If you have some pressing thought, idea or question that might be offensive, wait until you have built rapport and get to know each other better. This will also help you to have a better idea about how to approach the idea or question in a way that is respectful of his or her personality and communication style.

If I am getting to know you as a person, you are no threat to me. I am investing my efforts to get to know you better, without you having to prove yourself worthy of my attention or friendship. As I get to know you better, I learn whether I can trust you. If I can, trust develops, and you move closer to my inner circle of relationships.

Invite those you are getting to know to ask questions if anything is unclear about what you are talking about, especially if it is in regard to you or the kind of person that you are. It is common for someone who is harboring an unspoken question to file it away as if it was asked but left unanswered. This figures into their continuum of understanding or judging who you are as a person.

There is no blame associated with this process, it is just how the human brain works. By being open and inviting invitations to query you, the unspoken questions may be addressed and clarified.

When I’m getting to know someone, I like to add value to the conversation by giving them something to think about, challenge them (without overwhelming them) or make them feel a little better than before we exchanged ideas. If it’s appropriate, I might suggest a little homework assignment and invite them to get back to me on how it turned out.

You never know which acquaintances might grow and develop into lifelong friends, so leave the door open for them to reconnect with you again. It might be a good idea to set a date and time for reconnecting at the end of this conversational exchange.

If it sounds like they are uncertain about their schedule or may not feel as though this might be more than what they bargained for, not to worry. Make sure you arm them with a manner by which you can be contacted in the future, if they are feeling like they might like to reconnect or get to know you better later, at a time when it is more convenient for them.

If you’ve been able to garner some valuable insight or nugget of truth from your interaction with this person, by all means, tell him or her. Every interaction between two people has the potential for enlightenment, acknowledging such opens the door for even more. Everyone feels good about lending value to another’s life, even if only in small, otherwise insignificant ways.

So, be on the lookout for something positive in each interaction and chances are you will find something beneficial, helpful, or a thought or idea which raises your enthusiasm or joy.

Take advantage of the digital tools you possess. Exchange email addresses or offer to hook up on social media. This helps to maintain contact or allow this person to reach out to you when the timing is better for him or her.

Not all the people you meet will be a good match for developing a deeper relationship with. In fact, some can even be disadvantageous or harmful. If the new person you’ve met becomes a drain on your resources, then know when to move along.

Some people can be like a black hole of negative energy, draining your and others whenever they are around. There is no judgment here because it’s just the way they are. You cannot change an energy vampire or prevent them from draining your energy but you must find ways to isolate yourself enough so as to not let them drain you and move on.

If you are sensitive and aware enough to identify this person as a potential energy drain at the get-go, there is no need to offer an opportunity to reconnect at a later date. Be polite, trust your instincts and proceed appropriately.

Be gentle with those you choose to move on and away from. Honor them and protect yourself. Be mindful of who they are as a person and have empathy for their plight without exposing yourself too much or offending them.

Many an offended person with low self-esteem has taken to the Internet with false accusations, negative reviews, and public forum bad-mouthing in an attempt to seek revenge for having their feelings hurt.

This is bound to happen occasionally but being mindful and cautious can help you in taking the high road to living a better life, while honoring others who are only doing the best they can with what they have, just like us.

Getting Together in Love with Technology

When a couple decides to move forward and get together in love the relationship takes on a different look and feel. The relationship moves from dating to exclusive, from frivolous to more committed, from curious to loving, as the couple begins to get to know each other better.

In the digital age, contact can be more constant throughout the day which can increase the bonding between the couple, it also causes insecurities to arise because you cannot know what’s going on inside someone else’s head, and what goes on inside your own head can cause one to question the validity of your love. What about your partners?

Then there are your experiences… How will these affect your outlook on the possibilities for the success of this relationship? At every turn, you find yourself asking the internet for information and advice via Alexa, Siri, Echo, Cortana, or Google Assistant.

You want this to be a good experience, and you don’t want this to turn out like your previous relationships, the failed marriages, any dysfunctional relationships of your neighbors and friends, and you would do almost anything not to have the kind of relationship your parents had.

You are going to take the extra time to make sure that this is the right person for you before you move into marriage. You do not want to be another divorce statistic, so the coupling process is longer in the digital age and will likely include a trial run to test the waters prior to making a more solid commitment.

What starts out as sleepovers, turns into spending more time at each other’s abodes, and may lead to one of you abandoning yours, as frightening as that might sound, as you move in together.

Living Together

7 Phases of Love

In the digital age, most relationships test the relationship by getting to know each other better by cohabitating. You get to know each other better when you’re seeing your partner’s lifestyle around the clock.

What is he or she like when the evening tarries on and his or her energy systems begin to slow down? When he or she wakes, is enthusiasm abundant, is he or she bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or is he or she barely alive and quietly nursing a cup of coffee for 57 minutes before uttering a word?

Since opposites attract, taking the time to see how someone lives, can help you wrap your head around the idea whether the sacrifices you might have to make to accommodate this person will be worth it, and while people can change, you know hoping for change, to accommodate your preferences may not be likely. Can you live with that?

Conflict

Whether you’re living together, or not, it is in this coupling phase that you will get to know each other better. You will start to see each other at your best, as well as your worst, and you will have your first disagreement.

Depending on how much the flow of love’s hormones are in play will dictate the severity of this first challenge of real life, but there’s a good chance that you will make it through with the ability to arrive at an acceptable compromise or agreeing to disagree.

Be aware that conflict is part of the game, and without it, there can be no growth, not individually nor as a couple.

So, get used to the idea that there are going to be times when things get a little dicey, and look at these difficult times as opportunities to learn and grow together in love.