Tag: growth and change

Why Do Opposites Attract?

When you met, you thought you had so much in common, as you spend more and more time together you discover you have less and less in common. As a matter of fact, the more you think about it… You and he/she are total opposites. You’re feeling the urge to cut and run, and your friends are, like, “Hell yeah.” You can’t help but wonder, “Why do opposites attract?”

So much attention is focused on trying to find similarities in relationships these days that the idea of celebrating the differences would seem ludicrous at best.

In the most successful relationships (not the most manageable or easiest couplings) partners play off each other and the more different you are, the more potential for growth and expansion together.

After having unsuccessfully finding yourself engaged in a relationship with an opposite, you might think, “Who would sign up for that?” I mean, it’s a full-on cluster… and regardless of how tragic it may have been, you’re likely to say (if not now, then later), “but the good times were really good.”

It’s these good times that are indicators of something far superior in the realm of possibilities in the not too far distant future if you’re willing to do the work.

You might think that being a pair of lovebirds would be far superior to being a hawk and a prairie dog trying to manage a relationship. A pair of lovebirds can only expect to experience a certain degree of excitement or growth due to their similarities while the opposites can celebrate their differences, and have the most exciting opportunities for evolutionary advancement in the perfect push/pull balance.

These differences substantiate the idea that your partner should be a mirror for you to reflect who you really are. This feels like an insult or assault, at first, until you look inside and find that your response is tied to an aspect of you, hidden deep within, which is looking for resolution.

“But,” you interrupt, “We’re just too different.”

The fact that you’re in this relationship of opposites is in divine order. This is your opportunity to really move your love and your life to the next level.

If so, you ask,

“How could we possibly get along?”

It’s not easy. It’s a challenge, an opportunity, and a blessing. Your opposite person is the perfect person to help you expand and grow into the highest and best version of yourself. In order to do so, you must be willing to put forth some effort in getting to know your opposite, what makes him or her tick, what sets them off and what makes them connect deeply and be willing to open themselves fully, bearing all of their vulnerabilities, while having faith that you will protect him or her throughout this process. And the same goes for you.

One of you may be loud, the other quiet. One of you seeks the limelight, the other the safety of blending into the audience. One might like to go out, the other more likely to want to stay in. While this couple would be an all-out train wreck in social circles, singles sites, and matchmakers, these two have the makings of the most magnificent marriage.

Why Do Opposites Attract?

We don’t just get to be the way we are overnight. No, we are the result of a lifetime of trial and error. When you were very young, a baby, you either learned that being loud was the way to get the attention you sought, or you discovered that being quiet provided you with your desired response, and so your personality and relationship skills grow from there, making you the kind of person you are today.

You are attracted to the type of person who would complete you, who can assist you in resolving the issues of your past, and find that higher form of love which was in you before you were born, that divinely powerful and unfailing love for yourself and others. The perfect person for you to go on this journey with would be quite unlike you, if not your total opposite. The highest version of you will attract this type of mate because it longs to evolve in truth and love.

Everything is energy, and energy can be expressed and manipulated either by being amplified or constricted, as exemplified in extroverts or introverts.

Even though you are an amazing person, just the way you are, can you say you have achieved your highest and best? Could a better life be waiting for you?

Celebrating your differences and creating sacred relational space for your opposite to thrive (or retreat to) comes from being open, aware, vulnerable and compassionate. Yes, it’s a give-and-take, and make room for a bit of stress or strain, for nothing amazingly magnificent comes from no effort, no commitment, no discomfort, no work.

By aligning yourself with an opposite and moving forward, you begin to realize that what appeared to be problematic obstacles, were really only the catalyst for creative tension leading the way to evolutionary expansion.

Over time, as you both experience metamorphosis throughout the tenure of your relationship, you do find yourselves in a synchronous relationship in harmony, deeper love, connection, and intimacy, if you continue to do the work.

Here you are, on the brink of utter amazing possibilities and you feel like breaking weak and turning tail to run in the opposite direction, which what you really should do is to draw closer, closer, and even more closer because you really do want the best this life has to offer.

Sure, you could settle for easy or doable, but something inside you wants something more than mediocrity in this life.

If your relationship looks like a disaster in the making, think about it and search inside, and ask yourself,

“Is this potentially your best hook up ever?”

So, buckle up buttercup, because you’re in for the ride of your life if you dare to take on embracing your opposite and forging your new path together into a glorious future which lies ahead.

Growing It Alone

It can get lonely when you’re growing it alone.

You are courageously in the process of doing some advanced inner work few others could fully understand. This is deep inner work that would frighten anyone else if they could even allow themselves to conceive of taking on such a task.

You need to be able to carve out a little safe space in your social matrix as well as in your mind and your heart where you can be honest and open with how you’re feeling about this process and the road that you’re on. There might not be anyone else, no other person in your social circle, who could understand what you’re going through or how you’re feeling, but you are there.

You can, and need to be, honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. You had felt so connected to the thoughts and ideals which gave you a false sense of security, but still, you felt safe, surrounded by other people who felt the same way. Now that you’re in a state of metamorphosis, evolving, and shedding your socialized skin, it’s completely normal to feel like you’re all alone or frightened of the unknown from time to time. You might even feel like abandoning your decision to allow yourself to evolve and continue growing into a higher version of yourself altogether, and go back the familiar, the way things were.

It’s okay to have these feelings. We, all of us do, anytime we embark on a journey leading to something new. When we find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, we long for home. It’s a normal, natural part of growth. Honor the past with a sense of nostalgia, there were good times. Times when you felt safe and secure, and things weren’t quite as scary; remember them. It is good to let yourself reflect back on the good things in life.

Your mind is a very active machine, left to its own devices, it’s bound to come up with all kinds of ways to distract you from anything your growing heart consciousness might have in mind. You might think that people you once felt close too are rejecting you and your decision to choose this growth and advancement, but more likely they are secretly admiring your courage to attempt such a thing that they themselves would not have the courage or the wherewithal to do. So, they sit back in the shadows, secretly hoping that you will continue this journey, breaking out and breaking through. If you don’t make it and come back to your former life, they will be there to welcome you back and console you, but there will be a part of them that secretly hoped you would have made it. Because if you had, it would mean there is still hope for them.

Even in your relationship…

If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone, don’t make assumptions about what he or she might be thinking about your growth process. Create a safe place where the two of you can connect and you can talk openly about your adventures in growth. Even if he or she doesn’t fully understand, they should have an appreciation for the work you’re doing. Let your partner know that your growth and expansion is not threatening the relationship. It would be a normal concern that your lives may be leading in totally different directions, but it doesn’t mean the end of your relationship. In fact, it can make your relationship far better than either of you could imagine, because as you change, your relationship changes, too, without any extended effort on your part. It is a natural law.

As your relationship changes, staying connected, open and honest with your partner is paramount, if your relationship is to survive. Your expansion may call for changes to the patterns you previously contacted to sustain. These may be unhealthy or incongruent with your new life. So, without judgment or ridicule, simply being honest and open and renegotiating the parameters of your old relationship style will lead to growth and expansion of your relationship.

In this safe, heart-to-heart place, feel free to share your feelings, and encourage your partner to do likewise. And when your partner speaks, listen attentively. Let your partner ask questions, and answer them as best you can. Don’t compare you in your growth process to your partner’s. This is not a competition and no one has superiority over the other in this space. You are always equal, each doing the best you can with what you have, and you can remain as “one” throughout your journeys.

If you’re having trouble communicating, it’s okay (if not advised) to seek out third-party assistance to avoid losing the connection with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask your partner to join with you to speak to clergy, a counselor, therapist or coach in an effort to find ways to work it out.

And in the event that you do end up growing apart, continue to love and bless each other as you both continue your separate journeys. Plus, you never know, sometimes people who have taken separate routes end up at the same location. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. You might be surprised one day to look over and find your partner standing right next to you. It happens.

No one knows, better than you, even if you’re feeling lonely, you are never alone.

Celebrate Growth in Fashion

Okay, you’ve been growing, changing, sacrificing, saying “goodbye” to your old destructive pattern and, “hello” to the new, and improved, a more expanded consciousness of your new self. You’re loving yourself more, and now it’s time to show yourself a little love by shopping and celebrating your growth in fashion.

The new you desires to be exposed, not hidden away, like the shadows of your past. When people look at you, they see something different. It’s time to let your difference shine. You are looking better, feeling better, your body and its immune system are getting better. You’re healthier and embracing life, so go ahead. Treat yourself to some new threads to affirm the new you.

Uh oh, here come the haters… “No,” they say, “You can’t do that,” as if to say you’re better than that. You know, you’ve seen ‘em, those holier-than-thou spiritual types who should be reported directly to the fashion police. To them, they feel that a well-kept and fashionable appearance (and frequent bathing) is not appropriate for the more spiritually advanced.

That’s a different topic, entirely. Don’t let them dissuade you from celebrating your new life because you’re living a better life, your best life and making the world a better place. You’re no longer a rat in the race, you’re establishing a whole new pace, and it’s time to celebrate.

It’s possible that the old fearful you was often sacrificed for the benefit of others, but this new you… It is courageous and longs to be recognized and celebrated by you. It wants to be adorned making your inner him or her shine through, and it’s perfectly okay if others notice.

Now, I’m not saying to go overboard and max out all your credit cards in celebration of your new perspective on life. What I am saying is that it’s okay (if not necessary) to demonstrate a little self-love to your inner girl or boy by letting him or her play dress up every once and a while.

And if your negative self-talk starts to rear its head and begin mind-chatter about your unworthiness, squash it. You are worthy and you deserve this little treat. As a matter of fact, it may have been a long time coming, and the time has come.

This is not about frivolous excess, it’s about rewarding yourself for a job well done. You’ve done the work, the deep inner work, that would be so frightening to someone else that they would not ever dare to conceive of taking on such a challenge. But you have.

It’s time to express yourself authentically, in honoring and nurturing the wonderfully amazing person that you are evolving into. So, go pick out something beautiful, something that genuinely represents who you are, or even something fun, to celebrate your authenticity and individuality.

Let others see you for who you are. You are more self-confident, generous, use words that exude kindness and compassion. You’re honoring the temple of your body, are mindful of what you put in it and how you treat it. You respect who you are and present yourself as a clean, deserving and well-kept student, today.

This radical celebration of self-love raises your vibration and you will see good things coming your way as they are being attracted to the new you and your exuberant presence.

You are both blessed and a blessing to others.

You are worthy. You have done the work and are continuing to do so.

This is your day.

Enjoy.

5 Steps Toward a Better LIfe

“I can’t seem to get in the groove for a better life.”

You know you want a better life, but you just can’t seem to gain enough momentum to make any significant progress, creating separation from your old life.

We all know, that you can’t expect change to come if you’re stuck in a rut and continue to do the same ol’ same ol’. So, here are some changes you can make to start rocking your new life.

1. Unplug

If you’re plugged into media streams via television, radio, or any other of the available media streams or devices, turn them off, or unplug them all together. Nothing will suck the potential new life from you and drag you back down to lower vibrations than feeding through the media IV.

And it’s not just the Constant Negative News (CNN), this includes sitcoms, late night TV, Netflix, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat… all of it. Not only do these distract you from achieving your highest and best, they create an incredible loss of time. Time which could be better spent doing anything else. Time which can never be recovered.

“But,” you interject, “Facebook,” or any other interactive media stream, “is a part of my,” (insert somewhat valid excuse) business promotional campaign, ministry, or how I stay connected to my family, etc. Okay, if you must stay connected, then do the responsible thing, monitor and meter your access. Limit yourself to 30 minutes a day.

Use all that extra time to work toward expanding the new you, creating your better life, or make the world a better place, in the real world.

2. Talk to You

When you’re on the path to a better life, chances are your negative self-talk will rear its ugly head in an attempt to dissuade you from changing your life.

You need to not let yourself get distracted by those critical inner voices from your dark past trying to drag you down with claims of your unworthiness, or taunting you, making fun of you, saying you’re not good enough, or are destined to fail, so why even try.

These inner victims have done a good job keep you stuck where you are in life. If you’re going to break free, all you need to do is correct the voice when it pops up. If it says, “You’re not educated enough,” then stop, correct it (do it out loud, if it’s not too embarrassing) by stating a positive reframing of it, like, “Lots of rich, famous, and influential people who have changed the world were not educated,” or some other positive statement and repeat it three times.

If you keep it up, you will find your inner voice begin to not only silence but start to encourage you to move forward. This is when you know you’re making positive progress.

3. People Up

What kind of people are you hanging out with?

There’s a strong connection between the folks you hang out with and where you are in your station in life.

In fact, it’s the number one reason why some people will never be able to exit a life of crime and will always be in trouble with the law because it’s a lifestyle, their family and friends are all in the same “line of work.”

If a criminal really wants to no longer live a life of crime, they need to get away from the hood and make new friends.

From an income point of view, it is said your income level and life view will be roughly equivalent to the five people you spend the most time commiserating with. So, who are they? What kind of life are they leading or promoting?

Do you have energy vampires, who suck the life (and possibly the resources) out of you, leaving nothing for you to focus on making a better life for yourself? Think about give them a less influential station in your social circle, or give them the boot altogether.

Surround yourself with positive, supportive people, who are the kind of people you want to be like. If they’re vibrating at a higher level, your vibration will raise when you’re around them.

Whether conscious or not, these people are shaping your life. If you want to change the shape of your life, changing these five people is a good way to get ‘er done.

4. Do Something

The doers are the people who actually change the world. Rarely does a dreamer make a significant change in society, the world, or their own life by just imagining it, or by repeating positive affirmations. The people who make significant changes in their lives and the world take action. They do something.

You need to do something that is outside of your current routine, that will build up reserves in your new personal escrow account, which will contribute to your new life.

Do something every day. It doesn’t have to be huge, and it will have an accumulative effect on your new life.

5. Heart On

Get to know who you are at your core, as a person, as an extension of all there is in life. Your heart is the central point of your nervous system and has powers you can only imagine.

For men, getting in touch with your gut – your gut feelings – is all about knowing who you are and staying congruent with your true identity, the person you were always meant to be. That person is waiting to come to life, and it’s up to you to let it loose.

For women, it’s your heart, which speaks for itself. You know when something is right or wrong by the feeling in your chest. This is your heart, looking after you, guiding you, even though you may not pay attention to it much, now is the time to start living by your heart.

No matter where it’s felt, in the gut or in the chest, it’s all about the heart baby, and love is the conduit that powers it and ties us all – all things – together.

Get your heart on, start living a life of love for a better life, a better world and a better tomorrow.

7 Points of Evolving Expansion

One of the components of evolutionary expansion is the ability to allow base beliefs to expand beyond the primitive definitions which you have been groomed to hold onto with every fiber of your being. Even so, with all that familial and social programming, something inside you is gently tapping on your shoulder, quietly whispering the question, “Is there something more?” Indeed, there is. Here are 7 points of evolving expansion that you may notice as contrasting as you continue to open, grow and change into the higher version of yourself.

1. Be a Good Person

We’re all told to be a good person, to not try to buck the system or be a rebel. There is a basic tenant which harkens to us to not be a bad person, to treat our fellow beings as we might like to have them treat us and to feel sorry for others who are struggling (maybe even lend them a hand in one way or another). Avoid criminal activity, obey the laws of the land, understand and reinforce the ideals of what is right and what is wrong, and influence others to comply.

Expanded Version

Evolving to the grander version of yourself includes allowing the good person that you’ve been raised to be to expand into an even better person, only this next level of goodness is not defined by others. The good person you’re becoming can only be defined by you, as the result of your expanding self, establishing a greater, more sensitive heart connection with the energies of life. This expanded good person is likely to see things quite differently than their other well-programmed and compliant neighbors. Still, the inclination to be a good person remains, though it takes on a new vitality and flavor than what others might definitively expect.

2. Gather and Believe

In the United States and other countries, this is usually an expectation to have an inclination to some kind of belief system. While some are more popular than others, there is a wide range of belief systems available for anyone to adhere to, everything from Catholicism to Atheism and then some.

Expanded Version

The expanded being begins to break free from the confines of any box which adheres to a specific and limited belief system. As you evolve you see that things are not as they appear to be and certainly not as you were led to believe. This opens the heart and the mind to new possibilities. While you may have a desire to continue with your present belief system, if you were to clearly voice your new revelations, or question the inappropriateness or inadequacies with their prescribed belief system, this could cause problems for you. You are developing your own belief system, which cannot be fit into someone else’s restrictive box of thought.

3. You and Your Self

You’ve been raised to believe that you must fight to preserve your sense of self. You know what you feel, want, believe and you are compelled to fight, or risk all to defend it. This is an egocentric point of view which keeps all of us separated from becoming one. Even in the sacred bond of marriage, or among blood relatives, this “fight for your right” mentality is pervasive, keeps and tears us apart. We form organizations, factions, religions, governments, laws and military forces to defend our separateness.

Expanded Version

As you evolve into the higher version of your self, your “self” decreases as you become more tolerant and tune into the vibration of love and independently connect more to the source of everything. As you bid your ego, Adieu, you can understand what Jesus meant when he said, “He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:25) It doesn’t refer to your literal loss of life, but to your moving forward for the greater good, leaving your ego behind; not an easy thing to do. Your ego has been in the driver’s seat far too long to be willing to leave without a fight. Nonetheless, letting go of this part of your self is and welcomed and important part of your evolution.

4. When Bad Things Happen

The old you was programmed to get up and fight or sulk in sadness when things don’t go the way you want, always having to choose between accepting victimization or becoming the warrior willing to fight (compromise morals or commit crimes) for what you want, when things don’t go the way you expected. Ultimately, the powers that be are too powerful to do battle with, so most of us, sulk, fall into depression, or try to ease the pain by leaning on a wide variety of addictions which avail themselves to help us mitigate the damages and pain associated with having to accept our lowly lot in life.

Expanded Version

Your expanded-self looks at challenges, difficulties, inadequacies and incongruent ideas from an entirely new perspective. From this viewpoint above and outside yourself, without your ego in tow, you are more able to see things as they really are, not as you’ve been programmed to see them. You are understanding more that when Jesus said, “And we know that in all things God works for the good…” (Romans 8:28) that they truly do. “All things,” even the worst of things you could possibly imagine, all pave the way for something so far better, but we are more likely than not unable to see what good lays beyond the struggle we may be engaged in at the time. With this understanding, you are less prone to worry, and unable to be victimized, because you know there is something better not far off, eliminating what we previously considered, “bad things.” Now you’re realizing that these are only necessary changes of direction or attention.

5. Mistakes and Coincidences

You have been trained to believe that mistakes are bad, and you’ve learned to beat yourself up for your missteps and accept ridicule from others when you’ve stumbled. And coincidences, are just that; some unassociated or random thing that has transpired for no apparent reason, which could be a fortunate unexpected good thing (or a bad thing). In any case, these things, your unfortunate missteps and any coincidental manifestations are just that; random and disconnected. Sometimes stuff just happens; that is all.

Expanded Version

As you continue to evolve you begin to understand that there are no such things as mistakes or coincidence because you are becoming more aware of the divine connectedness in all things. You know that all mistakes carry with them a sacred treasure of a hidden message or learning that you may not have been able to receive having not gone through this process leading to your growth and attainment of more wisdom. This gives you a unique perspective and knowledge that is priceless to anyone who might be struggling with a similar set of circumstances. Then there are the coincidences, of course, you realize that these are divine gifts and blessings (or corrections) that all serve as blessed rewards or ways to put you back on the path to your highest and best.

6. Negative News

We are programmed to keep one ear and one eye (if not both of them) leaning on the newsfeed spoon-fed to us by the media, books, films, “reality shows” news coverage, and “live feeds” via the Internet. This exposure to mass media is the main source of disseminating your programming, in addition to and following your public or private schooling, to assure that you become a good citizen, amiable to the control of the powers-that-be which are charged with your control. Their favorite tool for delivering messages and thought patterns that run deep is to strongly associate them and deliver them in a state of fear or danger. Then we become unpaid foot soldiers, spreading the message and monitoring our neighbors by doing the responsible thing with the innocuous, “Did you hear in the news…?”

Expanded Version

As you grow and learn more about how things are not as they are, or how they were presented to you, you develop a sort of Spidey-sense when you’re being exposed to the propaganda and lie(s) promoted by the powers that be, in an effort to distract you from your growth and expansion. The most effective tool used to manipulate you and the masses is fear, and they will use it, exploit and spin anything and everything they can to keep you in a fear-based vibration, because you and everyone else is so much easier to control when you’re in a state of fear and are more likely to believe that you need someone else to keep you safe from the things that you are unable to witness first-hand. The more evolved you become, the less interested you are in propaganda and lies.

7. Love Is…

When you think of love, you’ve been programmed to have certain ideologies associated with love; and this is perfect for the masses. It goes something, like this, the different kinds of love include love for your family and friends, love for fauna and flora, love for your pet, love of one’s country, love for persons, places, and things, and romantic love between two people “in love.” Love initiates within you, your heart, for someone or something outside of yourself.

Expanded Verson

Love is the carrier wave of all energy, it is in everything, throughout all that is or ever was, holds all things together and provides appropriate separation, exists in the absence of anything amidst any void, has no beginning and no end. Even in negative energy, love is there. As you expand you learn to tap into this limitless energy from outside yourself, allow it to envelop all that you are, letting it consume you and flow out to others. You now know that love is not limited to individuals, and your love for individuals changes, as you move away from selfish love to the unconditional forms of love and its expression. Additionally, as you learn how to harness its power, you can learn how to use it to share, heal and be the light to an otherwise dark and thirsty world that longs for the release of this powerful energetic influence.

These are just some of the areas you will notice major shifts of consciousness when you expand and continue to evolve into the highest and best version of yourself.

Disrespect and Hurt Feelings in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself laboring to explain to your special someone how they hurt your feelings or disrespected you?

As two people come together and get to know each other, it is reasonable to expect things will come up as an indication that the two of you don’t see eye to eye on a particular subject. In some cases, you may feel bad, disrespected, disregarded or betrayed, and depending on how a sensitive a person you are, you could be hurt badly.

But you’re getting to know this person, are developing feelings of attachment, and/or falling in love with this person. You fancy the idea of having him or her in your life enough to reach out to them in an effort to help them understand how you feel, which is a normal course of action in any relationship.

On your first attempt to explain yourself to someone, you expect to be heard and felt. Everyone is entitled to make mistakes, as you know you, too, probably have disrespected some one else, not on purpose but in a moment when you were busy, focused, distracted, or had lost track of time, etc… and hurt someone’s feelings unintentionally.

Or maybe we’re talking about crossing boundaries. When you’re in a relationship, you can expect to cover all the rules and boundaries that exist in your head and your heart in the beginning, and you just sort of assume that you’re both completely compatible based on how you feel about this person.

If you and your partner have healthy boundaries, of course, the best way to communicate your boundaries is to merely talk about them and establish a mutual respect about each other’s boundaries. The next best way to bring up your boundaries is when either one of you find yourself crossing the other’s boundaries.

This is a good time to communicate, establish and negotiate the honoring of the boundary in your relationship or to make amendments or accommodations for the boundary in question. Some boundaries protect us from physical or emotional pain, but may change over time, the less we need them and as we continue to grow emotionally, while some may remain non-negotiable.

Okay, so someone’s crossed the line, and your feelings were hurt. You were considerate enough to explain the situation to your partner, and he or she heard you, respected you, apologized and agreed to take your feeling into consideration, should the same set of circumstances appear once again. And in a perfect world, in an adult relationship between two people who care about each other, this is the highest and best approach and outcome.

But what if it happens again?

Even though you felt like the two of you were perfectly clear and in agreement, now, you’re second-guessing, wondering if your initial expression was misunderstood, maybe you didn’t make yourself clear enough and it may be reasonable to talk about this particular situation again.

So, this time, you’re explaining to your partner in greater detail, including much more stories, demonstrations, possibly including audio/visual tools, drawing charts, graphs, maps and using bullet lists (yes, this can go into outrageous extremes, depending on the one doing the communicating) to make sure there is no misunderstanding in the future.

If you feel like you’ve been heard and your partner has endured your presentation, thanked you for clearly expressing yourself, understanding the two of you are basically using a common language and level of understanding in respect and honor of your clearly expressed ideas, and he or she agrees to honor your perspective if faced with similar circumstances in the future.

Well done.

That should do it.

If it doesn’t, and the same grievance comes up again, you can be relatively certain that something else is going on, here. You know you’re being heard. You’ve made every effort to establish rapport and understanding, yet here you are again.

This could feel like abuse, and anyone who knows you intimately, like your friends and family, might jump to that conclusion immediately, especially if you (or they) have had experience with a similar situation which did not fare well in the past.

The truth is, by this point, you can ascertain that this person is not going to change his or her thoughts or actions on this deal to accommodate you. You have to realize that this person is hard-wired this way and is never going to change for you.

Going back to the drawing board once again to try to explain yourself is fruitless. Nothing good could come from it, and your partner will only be going through the motions, agree to do or say anything you want to hear, but not really. They just want your grueling expression to stop, so they can get back to living their life.

Plus, you might be imposing abuse on your partner by badgering him or her endlessly about this particular subject. Just stop it. This could go on forever, and nothing good could come from that.

It’s not on you to expect to change your partner, just as you would not expect your partner to want you to change for him or her, although, some compromise along the way is reasonable, as long as it’s not too extreme.

Oh, you might think that if you love him or her enough, that they will realize one day that you were right all along, he or she instantly changes, as if being touched by a magic fairy’s wand, and the two of you will walk off into the sunset hand in hand in perfect harmony, with sparkles and butterflies all around.

The chances of that are pretty slim. So, at this point, you have to ask yourself, “Can I live with this?” It’s on you at this point, not the other person. Someday this person might change due to their own personal growth and evolvement, but you have to know, this is the way it’s going to be, probably forever. Can you live with that?

If loosening up on a boundary here and there is acceptable to you, then think about changing the way you think about this particular situation, consider making a compromise. Keep in mind if you are making the majority of the compromises, this will likely not be in your best interest in the long run, and you’re likely going to resent or regret this later.

On the other hand, in the rarest of circumstances, both parties begin to grow and change in synergistic harmony, evolving together in a symphony of continued awareness and enlightenment. If each of their individual paths is harmonious with the other’s, this can be the bliss which we all seek in a long-term relationship.

Hit the Wall for a Change

Invariably when you’re in the process of growing and expanding into the higher version of yourself, your evolutionary process of you, and, “Wham!” You hit the wall.

Just when you least expected, here you are facing someone, something, some situation, circumstance, or even yourself in the mirror, and you ask, “How the hell did I get here?” (of all places).

Get ready for a rude awakening: This is for your highest and best, and this process will lead you to change. Yes you. Even if it looks like it has nothing to do with you, moving past this obstacle will take a change, maybe outside yourself, but you will have to change first before you can change anything outside of you.

If you can wrap your head around that whenever you find yourself up against any obstacle, seek what you can change inside first, then seek to deal with the whatever it is head on, you are so far ahead of the game.

Obstacles which interrupt our flow are indicators that we have something within that needs tending to, even if it’s not specifically associated with this obstacle. It may be to equip you with a skill to prepare you for something else further down the road.

What? Me change?

Your belief system might be resistant to change. Say the words out loud, “It’s okay for me to change.” Check in with your feelings. How does it make you feel about the idea of embracing change?

It’s really no surprise really, it’s a part of your genetic, cellular memory that was firmly set in place generations ago, when change was dangerous. Survival was based on a strong sense of maintaining a small community, with staying in the same location, supported by the same people, doing, thinking and being pretty much the same. Straying and exerting individuality could lead to loss of health and/or one’s life.

Things have changed and your changing leads to your expansion and evolution into the highest and best version of yourself.

Try being open to the idea of change, even embracing it. All it takes is a little allowing. Change doesn’t have to be forcible. I mean, if you aren’t open to change, you will still be susceptible to it, when it is forced upon you. If you think about it, you know it’s true.

Grounding yourself in a solid place where you are open, allowing change, receiving all the good things, including lessons waiting to be revealed to you, is so much better than fighting for your right to resist.

Think about what allowing change might look like. It can look like allowing people or things to leave your life, including ideals, thoughts and feelings about the past and the things associated with them. You can also allow new things to be revealed and come into your life.

You can allow yourself to want things you may have never wanted before. You can allow yourself to try something new, create something, or think differently. Allow the letting go or ideas or things you held onto tightly in the past and allow new thoughts and things pour over you, like a gentle rain.

You’re open to new possibilities, even if superficial, such as a change of shampoo, hair color, career, even relocation.

A deeper sense of change is initiated by the heart. Heart-felt change is powered by love. This is the most meaningful moment of change, a paradigm shift.

So, think about it…

What change is on the horizon for you?

It very likely holds the keys to unlock many doors.

You ready?

Ch ch ch Changes

I tend to get excited when I see people changing, reaching out and experiencing new life.

In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed trends in the changes expansion explorers are making in their lives who are making the world a better place. If you’re on a similar journey, you may find yourself:

You are okay with who you are and don’t have anything to prove to anyone else. You can be honest and open about who you are, where you have been and where you are going. You have a sense peace of your own personage and have no need to misrepresent yourself on social media or among friends or relatives. In comparison others with low self esteem feel compelled to create false identities, boast, consider themselves better than those less fortunate, or put other people down. These folks can actually begin to lose touch with reality. On the other hand, you are content with yourself and find your place within the world without having to participate in false witness of self.

You are finding more ways to feel and express gratitude as you are more appreciative of the simple things, and thankful each new day, for the people who are in our life, the opportunities that reveal themselves to you, and where you live. You experience an increasing sense of joy about the things in your life and the life that you live.

You are concerned less with the dark unknown of a foreboding future, while others are more apt to spend a great deal of time worrying about what may happen. You are finding more ways to live in the present, in the moment we call, “now.” You are not afraid of what the future holds. You don’t take the idea to the extreme, by doing nothing. Instead you make plans for a better future and take action to build a momentum leading to a better tomorrow and an increasingly better world.

You don’t feel a need or concern about what is outside of your control and accept responsibility for controlling what you can and the rest go.

After all, life is what it is, stuff happens, and we’re all doing the best we can with what we have,

Instead of dreading what may be luring in the wings, you find yourself anticipating good things, and as you do you find more joyous surprises and opportunities appearing in your life.

You’re more likely to take a risk to do something good, help make your local community a better place or even the world. If your initial efforts are not successful, you are not dissuaded and ready yourself for another attempt to make the world a better place.

You are more gentle and kind than you may have been before. You are more empathetic and able to see things from the perspective of others, are able to imagine what it might be like to be wearing someone else’s shoes, or even to have lived their life. And you are more inclined to offer to lend a helping hand to others in need.

You are more inclusive in your approach to life and are more often inclined to say, “Yes,” to new ideas and new opportunities. If you do not have the inclination to get out more, or huddle up on the sofa or plugged into the Internet, you might try spreading your wings and getting out to attend a meeting just to change up your exposure in your environment, you are finding new ways to integrate or participate by exploring new activities in unfamiliar locations. You may be surprised at how fun this can be, plus you’ll make new connections which can be extremely beneficial.

Interconnection with other people takes on new meaning as you are moving away from the need to defend yourself and exit the struggle for survival in favor of allowing yourself to flow. This enables you to have more meaningful relationships with others as love continues to grow and flow. This new perspective makes you feel more alive and able to love and accept others, and things, the way they are.

You are in less need of the approval of others as you realize that you are not living your life for their approval. You are less attracted to people who are not open, honest, empathetic or genuine, as the drama queens drift away.

You find you are far less judgmental than before as you are embracing tolerance, loving others, allowing them to be, and make their own way. You find yourself less apt to judge someone based on their appearance, the car they drive, the shoes they wear, or their facebook photo as the ability to see each individual’s innate beauty becomes more apparent.

You are no longer looking for a fight, to defend what you believe or force someone to prove their position on anything they feel is important, without disconnecting. You see the value in everyone’s need to believe. realize that all journeys are different, and honor their right to believe whatever it is in whatever way they need to.

Even when you get caught up in the rat race, which is easy to do, you become more and more able to step back, look at things from a new perspective and trade anxiety for a sense of peace.

You find yourself living a better life without regret or having to compare your life to anyone else’s. You are living a life of love and in this livingness you realize that you have found your genuine freedom and you are free indeed.

Just as you are less judgmental of others, you are finding that you are less likely to judge yourself too harshly. We all fall short, make mistakes and it’s okay, all part of the journey. Often what we learn from our missteps is far more valuable than we can see amidst our loss of balance… and we can keep moving forward, not allowing it to throw us out of the dance. We make it part of the routine.

You Spend resources (finances and time) more on experiences and less on material items. You are not dependent on adorning yourself with flashy, high fashion garments or baubles, nor are you easily impressed by compliments from competitive or jealous peers, rather you have a higher level of self esteem and would rather spend your resources on priceless experiences that create memories which could never be bought, sold or traded and are invaluable in comparison to materialistic pursuits.

Your dreams are taking on a new flavor as you realize that they need not be held afar off, out of reach, as you begin to reel them in for a closer look. You can now refine your dreams and choose to allow them to appear in this world, if you so desire. It may (or may not) be easy, but you are ready to take the action necessary to see our dreams come true.

You realize life is not a race and you allow yourself wiggle room along the way, giving yourself permission to take a sabbatical and reconnect whenever prudent, necessary, just to take a break or for the fun of it.

You are less likely to take things personally. You are no longer controlled, victimized or haunted by your past. You are now able to see your life ’til now, more as if you were reading an exciting novel, with all the good times, the bad and the unexpected plot twists, which make it all the more exciting.