Fear of Abandonment in Love

In many relationships, fear of abandonment can find ways to thwart your attempts to find love, no matter how you try. Dealing with one who has fear of abandonment issues, whether this applies to you, or someone you’re in love with.

In most, if not all, cases, fear of abandonment can be traced back to one’s childhood. It is often linked with a mother or primary caregiver who was not there to provide the proper nurturing, caring and attentive support to the child. Regardless of the reason for the lack of nurturing, whether the primary had to work, or had personal issues or unavoidable circumstances to properly love and connect with this little baby, this young child grew up insecure.

This insecurity could express itself as either avoidance or anxiety.

Avoidance

In the person who expresses his or her fear of abandonment as avoidance, he (avoidance if far more common among men) or she will likely retreat when his or her partner is crying out for love and connection. When witnessing his or her partner expressing his or her need, the avoider will make a bee-line to a safe place.

Commonly, he or she will retreat to the office, or some other location deemed as a “safety zone,” and so it is not uncommon for avoiders to become workaholics.

As a child, the avoider found self-sufficiency and finding comfort in solitude his or her coping mechanism in dealing with a primary caregiver who did not give them the love, attention, and support they so desperately needed in those young and formative early years.

Anxiety

If the person who was raised with abandonment issues found reward from crying out or clamoring for attention, then this will likely carry over into adulthood. The anxious person carrying fear of abandonment issues will likely be stirring the pot in an attempt to get the attention they seek, even though this obviously is an ineffective method of getting them what they want.

What do they want?

In either case, whether they are operating from a place of avoidance or anxiety, both of these individuals are desperately in search of the love, safety and security they were denied at a very tender, young age.

Since we are often drawn and attracted to someone like our parents, you will have someone in your life that triggers the abandonment threshold which throws you into a state of panic or fight or flight response.

This emotional state of emergency disconnects the part of the brain which is reserved for rational thought as they follow their knee-jerk instincts which seek to protect them from further abandonment. So the avoider retreats and the anxious person who fears abandonment pitches a fit because the avoider feel safe in seclusion and the anxious person gets attention (even though it is negative) when they act up.

This reactivity does not foster a healthy environment for creating a congruent connection between two people. In fact, it does just the opposite, it keeps these two people from having a positive, loving and supportive relationship, which is just the opposite of what they so long to have. But for them, it has not become about connection, it has been reduced to its simplest form of survival, so they react and prevent connection from happening.

And there’s a good chance that you are either one of these, either suffering from avoidance or anxiety paradigms, and you are also in a relationship with one, and there’s an even greater chance that if you are in a relationship with someone also suffering from fear of abandonment, that your partnered with someone who is the other type.

In most fear of abandonment couples, one is the avoider and the other is anxious.

What can I do, if I’m in a relationship with someone who has fear of abandonment issues?

Good question. Thankfully, there is a cure for what ails the person who is dealing with fear of abandonment issues.

Avoidance

The person who is suffering from abandonment and has embraced avoidance as his or her coping mechanism wants love and connection but has no idea about how to get it. He or she retreats and expects you to leave.

The key, here, is to do exactly the opposite of what he or she expects. Don’t disconnect yourself, instead, be totally supportive, reach out and touch the heart of the avoider in such a way that he or she longed for in childhood.

That’s right. Treat him or her like a baby, hold him or her in your arms, look him or her in the eyes and say, “I am here for you. I know you feel like running away, right now, and that’s okay, but I will be right here for you. I love you. I really, really love you. I am here for you and I will never leave nor forsake you. You can depend on me.”

The results may not be immediate, but as you gain the trust of the avoider and he or she begins to realize that you are there for comfort, support, safety, security and benevolently offering your loving kindness, and he or she sees strength, consistency, and dependability in your love, he or she will open up.

This might be the first time he or she has ever felt safe.

Anxiety

The anxious person suffering from fear of abandonment needs the same thing. Needs to know he or she will not be judged or ridiculed, desires to be loved, accepted and embraced in love.

When he or she is acting out, this can look like a rant or a fit of rage, but in reality, it is only this person’s inner child crying out for love and connection.

Likewise, instead of berating or getting defensive, make eye contact in a loving and non-threatening manner, just as you would a little baby, reach out and hold him or her, let him or her know that they are loved unconditionally. And if it was something that you did to trigger this response assure him or her, “Hey, I can see that you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I never meant to do anything to hurt you. I would never intentionally do that. I am here for you. I love you. I am here for you.”

Again, if you are honest and true, your love will shine through in your actions, and this person might be able to feel safe and secure in your love.

The more secure he or she feels over time, the more infrequent the reactions will be.

And there is a third type of person who suffers from fear and abandonment. This one is the,

Trauma

Having suffered trauma as a child, this person acts out more expressively, probably jumping to conclusions and making irrational accusations, over-reacting to circumstances and scenarios that might seem mundane to anyone else.

The traumatics are often their own worst enemy driving away those whom they desperately want to be loved by.

Again, just like everyone else, they are desperately in search of love and connection.

If you are brave and steadfast enough, your love can break through the protective walls they have built around themselves.

Love can be a dirty business, but there is no greater love than being the reason that someone has sincerely felt safe, secure and loved for the very first time.

The Most Powerful Weapon is Love

Your heart is an incredibly powerful generator, emitting a powerful force field that is 60 times stronger than the power generated by the brain that can be measured from up to 10 feet away from the body. This little 10 ounce power source has its own neurological network, not only feels but processes information seconds before the brain.

When any two humans interact with each other, the two heart-fields connect prior to any word(s) spoken and set the tone for communication, and if physical contact is made, energy from one heart can be transferred to the other body via the physical connection. This is the secret ingredient to healing modalities, such as the laying on of hands healing.

For years, scientists relegated love emotions to the brain process. It is now known that the heart is the seat of soulful love-based emotions also. No longer simply disregarded as a metaphorical reference in the playgrounds of artists and philosophers, hard science is documenting data leading to the conclusion that the heart is the center of the central nervous system and is many times more powerful than the brain.

When you have a intuitive feeling there is a good chance this originates in the heart, though the brain does mimic the same feeling the analytical brain is more likely to base feeling on fear-based emotions. This gives us insight into the struggle between the heart and the brain and is the cause of a great deal of confusion because sometimes it’s so difficult to know the origin of an intuitive hit.

Your heart can sense energetic fields within proximity, processes, decodes and translates the information and sends the results to the brain, while also sensing and responding to other external data which may result in more of a precognitive result. Like a radio wave scanner, the heart is scanning the spectrum of frequencies available including positive, neutral and negative frequencies.

The conflict of thoughts and emotions exchanged between the heart and the brain is cause for not only unclear thinking but also releases stress hormones which are detrimental to an otherwise healthy state.

What about love?

Precisely, what about love? What impact can you, just one person, have on the world around you by engaging in connecting with your heart source?

Now that you know the heart is also a thinking machine, if you were to increase your awareness and connection with your heart, you could actually start to think with your heart as an alternative to thinking with your head. It’s impressive to understand there truly is a heart consciousness and it can be tapped into and affect our lives and the world around us.

The longer you can maintain a state of love, the more you can influence and affect your world because the energetic field that is transmitted via the love frequency emitted by the heart affects all living things within proximity to the loving heart. The electromatic love energy from a healthy heart can communicate with a failing heart and transmit signals to promote healthy heart hormones returning it to a more healthy state, in effect jump-starting the heart of another. This influential heart energy is increased exponentially when combined with a physical connection.

A healthy love-centered state of consciousness promotes harmony within the body and all of its various components, while also positively enhancing the healthy energies of hearts nearby.

More awareness of heart’s power to influence and manipulate and the world reveals that the heart’s energetic field not only affects – but changes – the molecular, atomic structure and DNA of the world around us thanks to emerging research in physics. Alternatively, the brain does not possess the power to accomplish this miraculous feat.

While the brain is a powerful storage facility and processor, the heart is a transmitter, can be laser focused and may be able to be transmitted beyond its 10 ft. energetic radius. You may conclude that your brain processes and manages your response to external data, while your heart literally has the ability to change the world.

So, how can we affect our world for real change?

Your heart’s electromagnetic field is powerful enough to change the world around you and it does. Here’s where the most important caveat comes in: With great power comes great responsibility.

What do you think?

What you think sets the frequency your heart transmits to the world around you. Your heart’s ability to influence the world can be used for good or for evil. This is to say that whatever state your thoughts maintain, effectively tuning your heart’s frequency for a period of time, actually changes the world (molecular, atomic, DNA) around you. If it remains in a negative state, its affects are negative.

Since you don’t want to be a negative generator, powering that which is negative, it’s of prime importance to focus our heart’s energies on positive love-based frequencies. This is the problem with standing or fighting against what you don’t want, because you’re actually rearranging the world to create more of what you don’t want.
Instead maintaining a positive love state, by endorsing and supporting the things that you do want, changes the world around you accordingly.

Your heart is a powerful weapon, if combined in concert with likeminded individuals emitting similar frequencies could be the most powerful weapon conceivable.

Think about it. Consider having a heart-talk with that other side of you.

Connection

There exists a connection that exists between people that transcends circumstance, time and space. Two (or more) people could be separated, yet still connected heart-to-heart by a thread that is not limited to the restrictions of geography, circumstance, time or space.

Such connections exist between mothers and their children, even children that have not been seen since birth still this bond remains. This tether is ever predominantly present between twins, but also (though at lesser intensity) between separated siblings (even if separated at birth or a very early age and raised in different families with no cognitive knowledge of each other) as well as the psychic cords connecting siblings, friends and even people who have never met.

Individuals who share this type of spiritual connection will often find that they have much in common when they do finally meet each other. They commonly like the same things like foods, fashion, hobbies or enjoyable activities and may share a higher level of communication, like thinking the same thoughts at the same time, knowing what is going to be said before the words are spoken, and could be considered a type of telepathic communication.

Spiritual connection between people known and unknown

It’s as if this bond existed prior to birth and persists throughout this life’s journey.

As we traverse our journey, we cross paths with individuals that we have been connected to. I find this of particular interest when someone is attracted to my life – to whom I have no biological connection with and have never known or met previously – who, when I meet them, there is a feeling of kinship, familiarity and knowingness of our being connected without rational explanation.

It’s like meeting up with a dear old friend after a period of separation, yet there was no previous relationship to base these feeling upon.

I have attracted individuals whom I have never met, whose lives have been so similar to my own (which anyone would think impossible to duplicate) that when we become acquainted, we immediately feel as though we’ve known each other before and shared our lives both concurrently and individually. Our recognition of our selves feels more like a reunion than a primal introduction.

Ever since I can remember, I have been seeking and waiting for my romantic soul mate, my one true love, but the evolutionary process of my life has made me keenly aware that we have many soul mates. They are not all romantic in nature and they include a number of people to whom we share this special connection.

I am so grateful to have met these individuals with whom I share a heart connection superceding logic throughout my life; starting with grade school and continuing throughout my life’s journey.

In fact, there is a possibility that as you read these words, you and I may be reconnecting, as you recognize our tethered hearts, even in this moment.

If so, I am so glad that we are getting acquainted (or more correctly “reacquainted”) even though it boggles the mind.

I’m already feeling like a celebration is in order.

How about you?

What do you think about this type of connection?

How would you explain it?