Awkward Desire to Help

You see someone struggling and you feel compassionate toward them and you’re vacillating in that awkward zone… You want to offer your heartfelt compassion, support, input, or assistance but you’re obviously feeling uncomfortable and discombobulated. You find yourself struggling with an awkward desire to help in some way. What can you do when you want to help someone who hasn’t asked for help?

You must first recognize that you are under no obligation to help anyone who is struggling. In fact, your offering assistance to someone who is struggling through a difficult challenge or process can hinder their propensity to learn an invaluable skill or far greater lesson leading to greater opportunity and change in his or her life.

Keep this in mind before you reach out to someone in an attempt to help them but always find a way to communicate that you love and/or care for them. You can gently nudge them or make suggestions of things they might try but be careful not to offer to do it (whatever it is) for him or her.

Remember that no one is broken or wrong. Everyone is on their own divine path. You can probably think back to times in your life that were very difficult. You might have even thought you could not possibly live through such a difficult experience, yet you did. Not only did you live through it but going through the experience opened the door to new possibilities and a better life for you. You wouldn’t want to rob someone else from a similar experiential expansion.

If your heart is pure and filled with compassion (not judgment) you can offer a little something-something to help him or her through this awkward moment in time.

I have learned (the hard way) that you cannot help the people you love and care about by taking them under your wing and supporting them by doing more for themselves than they are willing to do with themselves. This also applies to the coach/client relationship. You can show them the way, but you are doing both yourself and your client a disservice by trying to do it for them.

You can help someone with all the best intentions and might be surprised to find out the person you’re trying to help doesn’t value or want your help at all. Try not to let your feeling get hurt if someone doesn’t appreciate your offer to help. Remember that it’s not about you. It’s about the person you’re feeling compassionate about. Don’t make it about you. Bless them, and let them find their own way, and don’t take it personally.

Everyone is entitled to their own perspective. You can’t possibly know what is going on inside someone else’s head, and in their world, they may be working their ass off, exerting all the effort and abilities they have dealing with their own issues and battling their own demons. Maybe what they need is the space to deal with their own issues.

Also, consider that everyone is different. This person might be in their own Nirvana, which might look like hell to you, and you might be feeling sorry for them because you would feel awful if you were in that situation. Allow them to enjoy the place there are in if that’s what they want. To expect them to see their life from your perspective would be abusive.

Sometimes a person can find comfort in their painful situation. Being in this difficult place in their life might be a powerful part of their identity and personality. They might feel safe and secure (as odd as that might appear to you) when they are in this situation. They may not want to change or see any need to change the life they have become so accustomed to.

In some cases, someone who could really use a hand might not accept it from a person who cannot identify with their current status. If they are going through something and they know you have no idea about what they are going through, they might be unlikely to accept any assistance from you, even reject you. Again. Don’t take it personally. Bless them and allow the right person to be attracted to them who might be able to understand better where they are and what they’re going through.

It’s not your job to save the world.

You cannot, and you are never expected to, save everyone.

We can have incredible resources, skills and special abilities to help other people, but we must focus on those to whom we are vibrationally a match to. Even so, don’t be too enthusiastic about helping someone more than they are willing to help themselves.

Feel free to help, as you are inspired to do, but match their efforts to help themselves side-by-side, step for step, nothing more, love and bless them, no matter what.

Top 20 Complaints

Going over the details of the most popular complaints of one-on-one clients last year, one can’t help but wonder if to following Top 20 complaints are congruent with the complaints dealt with by other coaches, counselors, and consultants.

Here are the

Top 20 Complaints

1. I Am Depressed

There was a dominance in the number of people dealing with issues related to depression from a wide variety of root issues. Out emphasis on treating those struggling with depression included non-medical/pharmaceutical approaches to dealing with their issues.

2. Stressed Out

It appears that these days, people are more and more stressed out all the time. Our team of specialists deliver high-end quality results quickly without resorting to pharmaceutical medicines or interventions which relieve stress but result in depression.

3. Loneliness

You wonder how anyone could feel lonely on a planet with seven-and-a-half billion people on it. Nonetheless, due to the lack of authentic connection people are feeling more alone on a consistently increasing basis. With the movement from real-life interactions to digital interactions, it’s no wonder people are feeling disconnected and alone.

4. Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is a constant complaint among those who seek us out for assistance along their life’s journey. Their fears range the gamut, everything from fear of attempting to fix something (for fear of making the issue even worse) to trying something new.

5. Money Matters

This last year was a struggle for many with unexpected changes in the world and money matters of all kinds. There is a great deal of anxiety in areas surrounding finances and struggling with money issues.

6. Unworthiness

It seems with the lack of self-esteem and emotional baggage carried forward from childhood, more people are standing between themselves and all the good things in life that are waiting for them. It takes concerted effort, but our clients are now more confident and living better lives.

7. Fear of Death and Dying

A lot of people have passed away of late from natural causes and from the results of unhealthy lifestyles. Grief is ever-consuming and for those who are left behind, they are reviewing their own lives and fearing their own demise, which is a good thing because there’s still time left for them to make a difference.

8. Life is Not Fair

There are a lot of people who are feeling like they’re unrealistically “under the gun” feeling like they’re being treated unfairly at work, at home, in social circles and even within their own families. We all know that life is not fair, and the good news is that tools and techniques are available to empower you to take charge of your life and turn the unfairness around.

9. Lack of Love

Love is the most powerful energy in the universe and feeling as though you have no love can have you feeling as if you just can’t do it alone. There is so much love for you here. If you’re not feeling loved, we can help you find so much love that is waiting for you and basking in this love will attract even more love to you like a love magnet.

10. Lack of Opportunity

There are those who are looking for the next big thing, maybe they’ve once had a piece of some good action in the past, or maybe they’ve never know riding that amazing winning horse called, “Opportunity.” There is so much opportunity, you don’t even know, and there is an unlimited supply for those who seek it.

11. Lack of Abundance

We all want a better life, but it can be hard to make the ends meet, let alone grasp a handful of abundance here and there along the way. For those who are in the know everything you’ve ever wanted is waiting for you not far off. We can help you get from where you are to where you want to be.

12. Is There a Higher Purpose in Living Life?

There is a higher purpose in life waiting for you. In fact, you were born with your life’s purpose in tact but by the time you were six or seven years old, your family and society had you forgetting it for fitting-in, playing your part in the play of life, and being an effective part of the machine. One of the most important things you can do in life is to awaken to your higher purpose and empower your life full by embroiling yourself in the accomplishment of your divine mission.

13. Lack of Positive Enthusiasm

Positive enthusiasm is also referred to as motivation. No one can motivate you, at least not for very long. We help you find ways to find your motivation and positive enthusiasm from within, placing you back in the driver’s seat of your enthusiastic life (maybe for the first time).

14. Declining Health and Wellness

The world is a crazy place and people are becoming more and more aware that doctors, while they may be necessary to save your life in an emergency, long-term care is not their strongest skill set. Awakening people are seeking out natural alternative resources for increasing health and wellness for a happier and healthier long life.

15. Illusive Happiness

Unhappiness is running rampant in our society. People are so disappointed to be living a good life but never being able to taste real happiness. There is so much potential for true happiness all around you, it’s just that you’re distracted by life and any hope of being happy is just lost in the fog of everyday life. You enjoy otherwise illusive happiness in a heartbeat, increasing your quality of life.

16. Can’t Seem to Get Ahead

Stagnancy is making people feel unsatisfied about their lives as they feel like they’re helpless to change their life for the better. They are commonly stuck in the frequency of the “same ol’ same ol’” drudgery of life in their job, family, personal pursuits, and love life, leading to accepting complacency in life. We help people start living the lives they’ve always wanted and start living a better life every day.

17. Little Sense of Personal Value

Some of us have a sense of skills and talents which we have and contribute to our jobs, the community, and/or our families but rarely, if ever, get recognized for the value we bring to the table. Get ready to realize your life fully charged with all your super powers and special abilities intact.

18. Exhaustion (mental and physical)

You can only take a beating in this life for so long before you start feeling as though you just can’t go on. There are natural supplements and lifestyle changes and tweaks which can put you back in the empowered energy flow of life.

19. Lack of Trust (myself or others)

We’ve all trusted someone and then realized we were foolish to do so. It is disappointing and painful to learn that some people cannot be trusted, and it’s easy to assume that there is no one who can be trusted. Trust betrayal can be an enormous challenge for you. Maybe it’s time to learn how to deal with breaches of trust, healing from the betrayal(s), and learn to trust again.

20. Distressed by Negative News and Media

The negative news and reporting in the news and media can keep you moderating at lower level vibrational frequencies and helps to keep us as people separated and polarized against each other. There is a better way. You can start by not burying your head in the sand, but by taking control of the news and media which you are exposed to.

How Can I Help You?

For those of us in the help industry often lead with the question, “How can I help you?” If it is not just your job but your calling to help others, you will find yourself helping everyone, all the time, which if you let it get the best of you, will find yourself in burnout.

Helping others is a spiritual calling, one of the spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12:28) which unless you have the servant’s heart, your offer to help will only be regarded as a job. If you have the gift of helps your drive to help and your efficacy in helping far surpasses your contemporaries, and it’s easy to get lost in the exercising of your gift of helps.

Any endeavor you are incredibly passionate about can get the best of you. You want to do your best, but in order to do so you need to give from the best of you. This is far different from giving all you’ve got until there’s nothing of you left.

In my mission, “Helping others achieve their highest and best,” the word, “helping” is right at the beginning of the darn thing. Believe me, I’ve let this helping consume me so much, that there was nothing left, and it is terribly apparent, if you allow your calling to overwhelm you, you will find yourself at the most desolate place in life.

You want to offer your assistance to others with the best intentions when you ask, “How can I help you?” When people or organizations accept your offer of help and have benefitted from your assistance, they can become obsessed with your ability to serve them. This is where you, as the helper, need to be responsible enough to manage their need in respect of your desire to help (not your ability to help).

When, “How can I help you,” turns into someone’s assertion, “I need you to help me,” makes you feel good as if you are accomplishing your mission and being true to your calling, unless or until your helping has fallen out of balance.

For me to help someone achieve their highest and best, I could give and give and give even more, without regard to my self-maintenance (and I have found myself in this situation, periodically). At some point, you awake from the momentum of enthusiastic helping with a moment of clarity in the realization that you’re in need of a little (or a lot of) self-attention.

What you do at this moment of clarity makes all the difference. You can say, “I made a commitment, and I must follow-through because I gave my word,” and let your integrity take you to an early grave, or you could learn how to apply your sacred, “no.”

All things in life are subject to change, so taking action as early as possible to renegotiate the terms of your agreement to help, is of primal importance for the continued performance of your gift of helping others in perpetuity.

Even if your client, organization, or friend protests and in tears and proclaims, “But I need you,” reinforcing with, “I can’t do this without you!” you are about to allow a miracle to take place.

Your ego might step forward and assert that there is no other way for this work to continue without you, as if you were not to continue to perform your function, all your work will crumble to the ground and fail. Recognize this and keep your ego in check.

Understanding that telling someone, “no,” is a sacred act on your part which offers the person you’re politely adjusting to experience a secret, “yes.” They are not aware of the secret yes at the outset, because they may experience a feeling of rejection. Yet, the secret is that there is an amazing opportunity waiting to emerge on the other side of every no.

In this way, your sacred no ushers in growth and expansion which desires to be brought forth. Every sacred no is a secret yes.

The whole universe desires to see all the goodness be born through the work you have begun and momentum you have helped to build. When you start to withdraw from a project, it allows others to step into their gifts and special abilities.

In this moment, they are able to overcome their inner fear and obstacles because their inner hero is being called forth. Thank God, you were able to allow this to be birthed. In this way, you have encouraged someone else to embrace their gifts and special abilities to rise to achieve their highest and best.

Your sacred no helps you to maintain your high level of performance and has helped to make the world a better place.

Try it and see what happens.

Never stop inviting others with your, “How can I help you?” Just be aware that you need to serve by being true to yourself and to share from your overwhelming love and care of yourself.

Thank you for all you do to help others and make the world a better place.

You Are a Mentor

More often than not, when I am working with a client who is an excellent match to me and my work, they end up being attracted to and thriving as a mentor helping others. You might be surprised to find that you are a mentor as well.

My clients and friends have gone through challenging circumstances and once they learn how to deal with their issues, extracting and embracing the hidden treasures in their life experiences and overcoming obstacles that may have otherwise thrown them off track, they discover are heroes.

They embrace the idea of being the hero of their own story. Once they are empowered to take control of the writing instrument, they are able to write and rewrite their story as necessary to ensure a magnificent story is unfolding. They understand what a blessing it is to be playing the leading role in the story of their life.

They may (most certainly do) write a book, create a support group, start a consulting or brick and mortar business and/or offer their expertise in the areas that others are facing as tragic challenges in their lives. These stories of successfully maneuvering life’s greatest challenges and thriving on the other side of despair give others great hope and inspiration to those struggling with similar issues and circumstances.

In this manner those most tragic and desperate moments are transformed from the darkest night to the most precious treasure, maybe even the brightest beacon of light emanating from your heart. You become the lighthouse, lighting the way for others to successfully navigate life’s most treacherous waters.

It is common for my clients and friends to feel a tug on their hearts to reach out in support of others who are struggling with the same issues they once faced and thought were insurmountable. In their darkest moments, many of these people contemplated (and some attempted) taking their own lives. Why suicide? Because in that moment they felt like the permanent sleep might be the only way to end the pain they were experiencing at the time. Thank God, they held on long enough to push through.

Just as you know in your heart of hearts there are others out there struggling in the same way and no one knows better than you do that there is hope and an incredibly satisfying life waiting just on the other side. How could you not reach out and help others, after overcoming and enjoying the light of new life with a renewed vigor, enthusiastic joy and happiness?

There is a sense that mentoring others is a calling, and answering the call makes sense of all the madness and suffering by helping those less fortunate. You know whereof you speak when you utter the words, “I know what it’s like.”

Either we come to this earth with an innate set of skills, abilities and message to share (song to sing) or life prepares us for what will be our greatest work. Either way, the wisdom and ability to share and serve the greater community along with all the necessary tools and other help that you may need to fully embrace this work will come to you in the right time as you take the steps necessary to achieve your highest and best.

Self-doubt immediately will rear its ugly head and try to dissuade you from embracing your calling but you’re not falling for it – not this time. And, as you do reach out to help others, you receive additional benefits of growth and healing by answering the higher calling.

As a mentor, the structure of the mentor/protégé relationship is less strict and more personal than a formal tutor or school-based classroom educational learning environment. This is a highly customized intimate learning process where both the mentor and the protégé (mentee) learn from each other as they continue to grow in their field(s) of study.

Interested in becoming a mentor?

Stay tuned for more information, or drop me a line.

Volunteer Helping Others

If you want to live a better life, there is no better way to accomplish this than helping someone else live a better life. Besides performing random acts of kindness, you can offer your time and assistance to a worthy cause. By helping someone less fortunate you can indeed make the world a better place.

Certainly, you can donate money to a worthy cause and this might make you feel better, but the true reward comes from actually physically interacting and assisting in the process. Plus, it is a far better method of service – to act, rather than just donate money – for it is a far greater value.

When you offer financial support to a cause, movement, organization or supportive service, you are helping. There is no doubt that without financial support, their good deeds would be minimized or possibly even non-existent. So, if you are in a position to support someone making a difference financially, by all means do so.

The real power of your ability to reach out and help others is in you as you volunteer your time, more so than your money.

volunteer-helping-others

Volunteer Helping Others

The act of volunteering maximizes your impact on the world. As you think about volunteering, you may feel as though you have little to offer and that your participation may not yield much, but every person who reaches out to actively help, is part and portion of the greater whole supporting the growth and expansion of the peaceful consciousness yielding a better world for our planet and all its peoples and creatures.

As you awaken, there is a draw to make a difference to be a part of the change.

Though, most of the people that I work with feel a great deal of anxiety at the outset when contemplating volunteering their time to assist an organization or less fortunate.

Please believe me, the reward comes from taking the action of helping others. You can do this. You must do this. It’s as easy as picking up the phone, or checking in with the web site, initiating contact with an organization or movement that touches your heart.

The nest time you see a news story, advert or public service announcement that tugs on your heart: Reach out. That tug is calling you to service. Answer the call and you will receive greater blessings as you move forward blessing others.

You will receive innumerable rewards for your sincere act of service.

Volunteer Helping You

If you ever felt sorry, sad or blue about your situation or station in life, helping others less fortunate is an excellent way to remind you about how blessed your life is, instilling heartfelt gratitude about where you are in the now.

This places your feet firmly on the ground, which is the best way to launch into your future with a firm platform from which to launch.

As you give of your time to help others, you gain perspective. You get a broader sense of where you are in the world. This also helps to define a more clear path for your future.

Science indicates that volunteers experience measurable stress reduction, are less likely to suffer from depression, have higher functional ability and happiness, live longer and enjoy a better quality of life than those who do not volunteer.

Even more is in store for you as you give of your time for the benefit of others: Love wells up inside you. Love, the highest vibration, begins to grow and affect the frequency that emanates from within and permeates all that surrounds you. The more you give, the more your surroundings will adapt to your higher vibration of love.

Enjoy enhanced health, vitality, self-confidence and a greater sense of purpose as you volunteer to help others.

In these ways (and likely so many more) you receive so much more than you could possibly give.

Please continue to support with your wallet, but more importantly, consider lending a hand as you help to make the world a better place.

Encourage Others to Volunteer

By sharing examples about how you have benefited from the benevolent sharing of your time to help others, your story may encourage someone else to take the first step in volunteering.

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