Relationship Blinders

If you want to have a good relationship with your partner over a long period of time, it can be helpful to have the ability to put on your relationship blinders. Relationship blinders suggest that you have the ability to focus on your relationship uninterrupted by anything that is going on outside the relationship.

In life, there are many things vying for your attention. Life presents us with so many distractions, it’s a wonder you can remember you’re in a relationship at all. But you are. You and your partner are two different people bonded together in relationship.

Among the relationship coaching community there is agreement that within each relationship there are at least three entities in a relationship; there is you, your partner, and the relationship (many relationship experts agree there are many more, but all agree on these three). The relationship, the combination of you and your partner creates a third entity and this entity needs just as much care and attention as each of the participants in the relationship.

The happiest and most successful love relationships treat this third entity (the relationship) as a sacred endeavor worthy of your best efforts and focused attention. The kind of focus and attention that you might exert for something profoundly important.

Let’s look at some examples, if you’re studying for a final exam, you might lock yourself in your room with your textbook to intensely focus on the material in preparation for the test. If your business or organization is going through a significant change or facing challenges in the marketplace, you grab your most important managerial staff or board members, schedule an intensive retreat to brainstorm possible solutions in a sacred vacuum.

Isn’t your relationship worth the same level of intense focus?

As important as your studies, business, or organization might be, your relationship is worthy of even more focus and attention.

Nonetheless, there are two people in the relationship, which could be looked at like an incorporation, or corporation, a third entity. Still, each of the principals (both presidents, as in the best romantic relationships, there is not a president and vice-president) have lives outside of the relationship.

Life outside demands effort and attention which has no regard for your relationship. It’s easy to get distracted having to exert great deals of energy just to get through each day. After a long day of putting out fires, it can be unimaginable to consider that you might have enough strength and ability to focus intently on your relationship.

In this day and age, it is acceptable, if not encouraged to not view your relationship as this sacred union between two people. Besides, there are lots of other people that you could partner with, each bringing to a potential union other gifts and abilities, as the grass always looks so inviting on the other side of the fence. Plus, huge legal, governmental, and social organizations thrive on relationship breakdown. If every relationship were solid, long-lasting, and able to handle whatever challenges might come its way, these structures would disintegrate for there would be no need for them any longer.

But it takes more than just our best intentions; it takes commitment and inspired action to put forth the effort and put blinders on to honor your sacred relationship.

It means creating separation between your life outside the relationship and your union at home. Feel comfortable enough to talk about your day with your partner, but don’t let negative emotional impact of your day overflow into your relationship. It can help to take time for climatizing, allowing you, your mind, your emotions, your body and spirit to acclimate to your relationship environment.

Maybe take some time to listen to your favorite music, take a relaxing bath, read a chapter of an uplifting book, make and take some time to transition from your life outside your relationship to attune your vibration to effectively match this other part of you, the third entity of your relationship.

Your relationship deserves, at the very least, the same level of commitment you offer your life outside the relationship. Just as you wouldn’t let a difficulty at home affect your life and interaction with others outside the relationship, you need to protect your relationship from the affect of other people, circumstances, and potentially negative energy from outside.

Being able to put on relationship blinders enables you to keep anything from distracting you from honoring your most intimate and meaningful relationship. It means when you or your partner have had a hard day, or are not on your best game, the other one is there to hold you in his or her arms in loving embrace and assure you with, “Everything will be okay.”

And when you feel like things might not be going as well as you thought they might at home, your attentions don’t look outside your relationship for a sense of wellbeing, support or intimacy because you have your relationship blinders on, and you know your highest and best relationship is waiting for you at home. You know this is a signal and a sign to look for something new that you can bring home to make things even better.

Blinders are good, and they help maintain focus on your sacred relationship.

 

Be True to Yourself

When you’re getting an idea of who you are, not the you you’ve been programmed to accept but the you that came to this planet with a clear purpose, message, passion, and mission, you are in the process of defining your unique and individual self and you want to be true to yourself, the you that you are becoming.

You are knowing your truth (which may change periodically as you continue to grow and expand in your own personal evolution), have a desire to achieve your highest and best, want to live a better life, your best life, make the world a better place, and have a strong compulsion to be true to yourself.

“To thine own self be true”
~ Wm Shakespeare

While being true to yourself seems simple enough on the surface, beneath and deep within yourself this sense of congruence can look like so many things depending on where you are on your personal journey.

You know you’re being true to yourself when you’re feeling good about who you are. You really like the you that you are becoming and are starting to love yourself for who you are.

That voice inside your head which badgered you with different forms of negative self-talk is fading away into the dark void as your self-confidence rises to match the acceptance of your divine mission.

Understanding that communication is the key to delivering your own unique message, you are finding new and better ways to express yourself and speak your truth without offending the people you are trying to effectively communicate with.

You’re not having to maintain different personalities for different work, social, friend and family situations. You can represent your self as yourself without having to compromise, impress anyone, or care about what anyone else thinks, and you’re feeling good about it.

You are living a more centered and congruent life and are able to manage life’s situations, circumstances, and unforeseen obstacles which may arise, without the panic or sense of helplessness that you may have once felt in the past.

There is a simple ease for finding places of peace and joy in all things, decision-making comes without confusion or conflict, and you are more able to exercise your daily feats with accuracy, a high level of precision and performance.

All this is true for you when you are being true to yourself.

To be true to yourself you can give up the activities which no longer serve your new, more expanded self.

You no longer feel the need to kowtow to others, so you don’t need to play games anymore. You don’t need to manipulate, fear someone might be trying to manipulate you, or even feel like having to laugh falsely regarding an off-color joke or remark which conflicts with your alignment.

Remember when you felt a sense of guilt or compulsory obligation to agree with someone, or compliment someone who really didn’t deserve it out of fear of not being liked, loved, or regarded as a nice person? You don’t do that anymore.

Misrepresenting or compromising your authentic self is no longer an option, and now, the idea of it seems not only incongruent, but feels like hypocrisy, or lying. In fact, you’re realizing, you can be totally honest, never needing to lie again, not even to spare someone’s feelings, because now you are finding ways to agree to disagree without lying or compromising, without dishonoring someone else’s right to maintain their own opinion, even if it contrasts your own.

Your openness and honesty empower you to be who you are, in all your strength and in your weakness, without having to make apologies if you’re experiencing a moment when you’re not on your game 100 percent. You’re allowed to have a bad day, or a less than peak moment, without having to apologize to yourself or anyone else.

Militaristically forcing yourself to do the things that you need to do to get to where you want to be in a devil-may-care, take no prisoners-type attitude no longer serves you. You are finding new, more positive, ways to find the motivation to do the things that serve you on the way to achieving your highest and best.

You don’t have to compromise your integrity anymore, not when you can be true to yourself.

Your Highest and Best

I’ve been in the business of helping people achieve their highest and best since following high school. But what is your highest and best anyway? What does it mean to achieve your highest and best?

Your highest and best represents the state of being where you are in touch with and congruent with your authentic self. Knowing one’s self helps to make the impossible possible, which is the other basis of achieving your highest and best. While the first part, knowing yourself, facing and dealing with who you are, prepares you for the second part which is the achieving of potentials that may have seemed beyond your grasp previously.

The better equipped you are by getting in touch with your unique talents, skills, and special abilities, the more empowered you will be in attempting to take on challenges that will enable you to fulfill your life’s purpose, message, passion, and mission. Doing so is achieving your highest and best, enabling you to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

The work of helping someone achieve their highest and best is fascinating for me because quite often I have the privilege of being in the presence of people when they experience epiphanies. There is no greater satisfaction in my work.

So, what is the work that is done in helping someone achieve their highest and best? Well, it is unique to every person. It is not a one-size-fits-all fill-in-the-blanks-type approach to personal growth. It involves finding that harmonious sweet spot integrating the best (and worst) from your past, exorcising your demons and exercising your unique strengths and special abilities, resulting in an empowered, more evolved, expanded version of your self.

It’s a process of dealing with, rectifying and eliminating regrets from the past while carving out sacred space to fully engage in the now. In this sacred space, you are able to do the work of finding clarity. The more precise your clarity in the things of life, your purpose, message, passion, and mission, the more succinctly you can achieve your most incredible potentials.

Everything you have experienced in this life ‘til now has represented a sacred course of study qualifying you for your fulfilling your life’s purpose by proclaiming your unique message with passion which is part of your mission (over the course of our life, you could be called to a variety of missions).

The goal is to integrate all this into an organized approach to do all this with the least amount of struggle and with the greatest possibility of success.

And who does all this work? You.

Often people come to me and ask me to take on their projects and make their dreams come true because to them, that’s what I do (helping people achieve their highest and best) looks like, offering to pay me handsomely to do it. Nothing could be further from the truth. That is not my ministry.

In my line of work, I am not the hero. All I am doing is to help you achieve your highest and best. You. You do the work. All I am doing is supporting you, and helping you see and avoid potential pitfalls and act as your accountability partner. I am not the magician.

The real transformative magic is all the work of you. Your work determines your ability to achieve your highest and best.

This is your mission, should you decide to accept it, to achieve your highest and best, live a better life, your best life and to make the word a better place. This is you. It’s who you are. It’s what you do.

This is you. This is your life. It all comes down to this.

If you’re ready to make the empowered shift from where you are to where you want to be, this is the time to take charge of your life and make all your dreams come true.

See also: 4 Steps to Specialize on Purpose

Your Highest and Best Relationship

Will you be able to aspire to embrace your highest and best relationship in love?

What does it look like to raise the vibration of your romantic relationship to it’s highest and best vibratory frequency which is the next phase in evolutionary love and expansion of two people in love?

Expanding love relationships look much different than their primitive ancestors, or traditional love models. While you might be used to the idea of a romantic relationship looking like a dance on hot coals, trying to find ways to have fun, entertain ourselves, seeking to find some way to attain mutual benefit for sustenance, all the while trying to avoid conflict and asking, “What’s in it for me?” This idea of our embracing an expansive love relationship seeks a degree of enlightenment which aspires to evolve into the highest and best form possible, unleashing our greatest potential.

Rather than focusing on the temporal or “feel good” sense of togetherness, your highest and best relationship is built on a completely different foundation. In order to imagine embarking on the journey to a higher and greater relationship, you must be able to connect to a higher power, which gives birth to this higher level of love that seeks not just to satisfy one’s desires but to grow, change, and evolve both as individuals and as a couple.

In this type of relationship, the onus is on the couple to focus on their own expansion, awakening, spiritual growth, and conscious evolution, a metamorphosis of the matrix which cradles the love relationship and imbues it with the ability to grow and expand above and beyond the possibility of what would be considered an ordinary romantic relationship.

Here, we take responsibility for upholding and empowering each other’s highest and best. I see in you all your strengths and your ability to be all that you can be, to exemplify all with which you have been endowed, your unique gifts and special abilities, to achieve and serve the greater good and the community at large and you see the same in me.

In order to make the leap from a primitive love relationship to this evolutionary expansive love relationship, a shift in mind and heart-set is necessary.

You must be willing to let go of the traditional ideas associated with love and relationships which you have been programmed to believe in, which are deceptive, manipulative and do not serve you in your highest and best form. You needn’t sacrifice to have love, or depend on someone else to experience love. You must find a place within yourself, where you, just as you are, are enough. You are love and you are worthy to receive love.

You don’t have to represent (or misrepresent) yourself in any way, except your most honest, open, and fully integrous self to be fully loved. No games, nothing to prove. Just to be true to who you are, open and honest about what you think and feel.

You, alone, are worthy of love and are an impeccable source of love and support for your partner (or potential partner). You come to the relationship fully empowered to bring it, in your highest and best form, without compromise. And bring it, you do, grounding yourself in your higher power.

As difficult as it might sound, imagine what it would be like to be operating at your highest and best, and start acting the part. Be an example of the kind of person you want to be, and the kind of person you would like your partner to be.

Will it be perfect? Yes, and no. No relationship is perfect and even in the best relationships, there exists nine irreconcilable differences (according to psychologist, Dr. John Gottman). More importantly you are a loving and compassionate mirror to your partner.

From your vantage point you can help your partner see what his or her shortcomings are, better than he or she could see him or herself. With love, affection, and careful consideration you can reveal those things which could not be seen from your partner’s point of view (like having spinach in his or her teeth).

You also maintain your individual voice. If you disagree with something, you love yourself enough to courageously express your thoughts, and you have the strength to draw upon from your higher power to keep you true to yourself, open and honest.

Your relationship is the safest, most sacred space you know of, where you feel safe and secure about representing yourself authentically.

Yes, you are strong and independent, but you also know that God has given you people you can lean on, depend on, and who were placed in your life for love and support. And only the strongest, most integrous individuals will be inclined to turn to these people, and ask for help or support, and you are open to receive whatever it is that they have for you. This is the way of your synergistic life.

The love and support you receive from your partner is a powerful sacred gift to help you achieve even greater heights in living and giving.

In your highest and best relationship, you move between autonomy and interdependence with ease.

And this degree of relationship need not be confined to merely romantic, as it is a powerful foundation for all relationships as you awaken, grow and expand in enlightenment.

10 Ways to Increase Your Performance

1. Why

Ask yourself why you want to increase your performance, whether it’s at home at the office, in your relationships, in your bank account, wherever you want to increase your performance, ask yourself why? Why do you want to have marked improvement in the area at hand (there may be many areas where you might desire to experience a marked improvement but focus on which area feels the most pressing, right now). Once you define your why (which may change along the way) you have the base of your motivation to change.

2. Visualize

You need to create an image of you achieving your highest and best in this area of your life. What does the endgame look like if you could have anything the way you want it to be, all you dreams realized, the absolute best result or outcome; what would that look like? In your mind create the absolute best result in full color, what would it look like, feel like, smell like. Notice key markers, find visual representations of these key markers and find images that represent them. Images you can cut out of magazines, or print out, and tape it somewhere you can see it. Put it on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your workstation, etc… Nobody else needs to know that that image represents, it’s just for you to act as a reminder that you know what “better than this” would look like in your wildest dreams.

3. Play Hide and Seek

Start looking for opportunities that will move you closer to where you want to be (and alternatively further away from what you don’t want). An amazing thing happens, once you are aware of your “Why” (#1) and you’ve seen in your mind’s eye how much better it could be, if you start looking for opportunities to advance or change, suddenly you start to see them appear. It doesn’t take long, and you will notice these opportunities were always there, only you couldn’t see them because they were hidden from view. Not so much hidden, as your beliefs or a lack of self worthiness obscured them from your awareness. Something has been calling you to a higher state, a better life, a more fulfilling way of living with increased satisfaction and love, but because of your reticence, you were unable to see it or didn’t believe you were worthy of having it better. Keep seeking and you will find ways to close the gap from where you are and where you want to be.

4. Make a Plan

A plan is like a map that can get you from here to there. You need to know where you are and where you’re going. Just as a map has markers between here and there, like you know if you’re travelling from one city to another, there are going to be towns you will have to pass between here and there. Knowing you’ve passed on of those key checkpoints ensures you are making progress (you might even stop to have a coffee or piece of pie – like little rewards or celebrations – along the way, but don’t tarry, keep moving). Thinks of ways you can start to assure you’re moving and making measureable progress. Make a schedule, prioritize activities and constantly check in with your internal GPS to evaluate your progress. Above all, stay on course and keep moving in the direction of where you want to be.

5. Avoid Distraction

Invariably, when you start to make significant advancements in your life, you will face opposition, both from external sources, like other people (including people you love becoming more needy, requiring more or your attention) and circumstances that will appear as to be thwarting your efforts to push through to the nest level, as well as internal sources, like your lack of belief in yourself, or negative self talk, all designed to distract you and throw you off course. And if that wasn’t enough to distract you, you will notice the media, and your personal devices will increasingly be finding was to keep you from achieving your highest and best. Learn to say, “No,” to distractions and resume you’re looking for opportunities to move closer to what you want.

6. Educate and Correct

Read books, blogs, and when you are able, get an accountability partner or coach. When you start making the move from a comfortable (or tolerable) way of living to a completely new plateau, it’s good to have ideas on how to make the journey. You can get these ideas by reading about who others have made the transition. An accountability partner or coach is like having a co-pilot or being able to check in with the weather service and tower (as if you were flying a plane and wanted to know how the weather might affect your flight and making certain the flight path was clear). Having another set of eyes vested in seeing your dream come true can help immensely, when your vision is limited to the view from your cockpit, allowing you to make important corrections along the way.

7. Question and Listen

Being in a constant state of openness can be highly beneficial. Don’t excommunicate others who might have a valuable tidbit that might be helpful for your journey. Don’t eliminate the possibility of learning from someone else (what to do, or not to do) by immediately discarding someone else’s point of view. Ask questions along the way, and wait for the answers, always being open to hear the input of someone else. Realize that whoever is giving you advice may not have the best answer. Even though they are adamant and passionate, don’t judge them, if their advice does not resonate with you. Realize they are only doing the best they can with what they have. (That person, who may sound like a kook today, may be highly valuable to your journey in the future.)

8. Honor and Gratitude

Honor those who have supported and helped you along the way, with the highest respect and gratitude. For if it were not for them (whether their influence was good, or bad), you would not be on the path that you are on today, and you would not be making the progress you are making to achieve your highest and best. Be gracious, seeing the good in all things (even if they look bad at the time) because they are moving you closer and preparing you for what lies ahead. Give thanks in all things, because this is the journey that gives your life meaning and a reason to live a life better lived.

9. Maintain Your Resources

Keep an adequate awareness about your personal resources which you have for your journey, don’t lost them. You’re going to need them. This includes your own personal health and wellness. Take time out to enjoy the journey, to relax and refuel along the way, because the last thing you want to do is to run out of gas along the way. Do not neglect your body, the vehicle without which you would not have the ability to make the journey at all. Think about keeping it in tip top condition – at least the best condition possible – for your journey. Good health will make the journey so much more enjoyable and satisfying.

10. Give It All You’ve Got

Pursue your goals with passion and heart-felt admiration and love. The more you put in, the more rewarding the payoff, as well as all the milestones between here and there. The less you hold-back, the greater the gain. Be willing to push through when the getting gets rough (as you are likely to meet resistance along the way) and have an exciting story of perseverance when you have made it through.

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to traverse this path, follow it through to its logical conclusion and to be a light to others in search of taking on the task of daring to live a better life.

Saying Yes to your highest and best

I say yes to my highest and best inclusive law of attraction exclusive decision making
When one is on the path to achieving their highest and best, often the progress that is made is commensurate to the method used in reference to your yes and no responses.

Basically, there are two kinds of yes, in terms to how you respond to opportunities that present themselves at any given time. Likewise there are two ways to use the word no. Any time you say yes to something the decision is inclusive, that is to say that what you said yes to will be added or included in your life, while no is exclusive of excludes certain things from being present in your life.

I know some of you are saying, “You left out ‘maybe’.” Maybe is a decision to delay decision-making until later (which can be a smooth sleight-of-hand gesture, effectively allowing you to initiate a clearly negative response until a more convenient time). Nonetheless, “maybe,” is not a decision, it is a delay tactic, and may be warranted in the event more information is needed to make a more educated decision.

This expresses the importance of holding in your mind a clear idea of what exactly is your highest and best. What does it look like? What does it feel like? Where are you and where do you want to be? The law of attraction is the energy that closes the gap between what you want and where you are, it can also move you further away. Effectively managing your affirmative and negative responses can move you toward making your dreams come true expediently.

Any time you face a choice (we face hundreds, if not thousands, of choices every day) having a clear picture of what you want and where you want to be can be of the most importance, especially in decision-making. This is why we spend time clearly defining what you want, possibly utilizing T charts, early on in a coaching relationship.

Saying Yes to My Highest and Best

Given your options, you can make decisions based on your vision. It’s as easy as saying, “Yes,” to those things that move you closer to your ultimate goal or dream. This sounds easy, but often we find ourselves…

Saying No to what is my highest and best

What? Why would you do that? Because there exists within us subversive programming that resides in our unconscious that might lead us to believe that we are not derserving, not worthy, not educated enough, don’t have enough money… and the list of negative thoughts keep us from saying the proper response, which is, “Yes,” to those things that move us closer to what we want. Saying no to the things that would move you closer, creates more distance between where you are and where you’d like to be.

Saying Yes to what is not in our best interest

Then there is our tendency to say, “Yes,” to things that are clearly not in our best interest. It might feel better to have some temporary sense of feeling good, without thinking about the consequences or the effects of our affirmative reaction to something that will not move us closer to what we want. In fact, we may move even further away from what we ultimately want. (One extreme would be participating in addictions.)

Saying No to what is not in our best interest

Though it may take some bravery and courage, saying, “No,” to what is not in our best interest will keep us from falling back and moving us further from the life that we desire. Excluding things that are not in our best interest moves us closer to what we want. Saying no to the things that are not in our best interest is almost as effective as saying, “Yes,” to the things that are.

More Good than Bad

One of my clients uses what he calls the “More Good than Bad Rule,” in all of his decision-making. He possesses a brilliant analytical mind, reduces every decision to an equation, and his inclusive final answer is based on this: If a thing is more good than bad, it’s a yes.

On the other hand, if a thing is more bad than good, then it is an immediate no and exclusion.

He’s very effective at taking action of his negative decisions, which I disagree on. I will usually err on the side of inclusion rather than exclusion in business, which sometimes pays off. But I must admit his cut-throat style of eliminating anything more bad than good makes more sense in the long run (though may cause problems in the short-term).

The process that we use to influence our ability to effectively,

let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay

is a fluid process of growth and change.

How can you better wield your decision-making skills today?

You Are Sui Generis

If you are pursuing a path that leads to your highest and best, you are sui generis. That is to say that you are creating a higher version of yourself, which defies limitations that previously, defined who you were as a person.

For the fervently seeking sui generis, every day – if not every passing moment – further compounds your evolution toward higher thoughts, ideals, interaction, living life and expression on this planet.

Sui Generis collective evolution of body mind and spirit individually

You take full responsibility for your own personal growth and are amidst a grand transformation that is an ever-changing metamorphosis.

Though you may biologically be defined as homo sapien, your evolution is expanding both in consciousness and physiologically, that the person that you were yesterday is quite different from the person that you are today; even your DNA is documenting the changes as it also evolves on a regular basis.

You are discovering thought patterns; situations, circumstances and concerns of the masses are decreasingly resonating with your evolving state of being, though your capacity for compassion and thirst for higher resonance increases and the things of earth grow strangely dim.

In fact, some things that apply to the masses are beginning to fade away in regard to yourself; disappointment, depression, anger, judgment… even infirmities, disease, pain and advanced aging are applying to you less and less.

Your life changes and love wells up within, you discover that who you are becoming is not easily definable, the sui generis you is so individual as you attract and possess unique characteristics that defy classification.

As your status aparte begins to grow and mature, your realizing that you are

In the world but not of the world

You have followed no prescribed notions, your sui generis self is evolving at its own pace without regard for others, without measure, nor in competition or comparison to others.

Your spiritual awakening no longer meets characteristic definitions, nor do you fit within standard genre boundaries. No reason or explanation is due to justify your sui generis status as you continue to simply be and allow others the same respect and consideration.

And while you are increasingly not of the world, you are still in the world, so you find ways to contribute in an effort to make the world a better place.

You maintain the highest regard for others who choose to follow their individual paths, whatever they may be, while you strive to maintain a communication style and relationships with others compassionately to, in effect, be all things to all men without compromise.

You are not alone

You are part of a expanding evolution in consciousness that simply is. It defies definition and transcends scientific method. This awakening is occurring throughout this planet without regard to origin or who, what, when, where, why and how. It just is… as you are… and together we will be completely and individually separate and sui generis.

Never question your unique authenticity or doubt who you are. Maintain a stealth presence as you traverse your journey through time and space as you continue to question everything else, continuing to gather information and arrive at your own conclusions; which are never set in stone.

You cannot be easily defined as you are fluidly ever evolving and humbly embracing you’re sui generis.