Tag: holiday suicides

Alone and Suicidal on Christmas

There I was alone in my bed in the fetal position in my bed. I had suffered so much loss, buried my stepson, watched my family break apart, suffered financial loss, attacked by people I loved and adored, non-physical entities, as well as predatory psychopaths, which left me feeling hopeless and helpless in this, my darkest hour. I had never felt so alone and suicidal on Christmas as I had in that moment.

I had planned the steps necessary to take my own life in a clean and quiet manner, in such a way as to not make a spectacle or leave behind a mess for anyone to clean up, knowing that it would be a while before anyone found my body.

I’d spent a lifetime helping others with their mental health issues as they’d sought me out for support along their path to achieving their highest and best. I’d been a student of the therapeutic sciences. Up until this time, I had only a background in Pastoral Counseling, Christian Therapeutic Sciences, and mastered Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Hypnotherapy, as I dabbled in other modalities. I thought the more tools I had, the better assistance I could offer my clients. I had huge success in working with others using prayer and meditation.

I had a good life, full of treasures and traumas, and had experienced the entire spectrum of experiences this life had to offer. I felt that I had lived more life than the average person up until this point, so it wouldn’t be like I’d be missing anything. I had made a positive impact on the lives of people I’d counseled and trained, which meant that whatever energy I’d passed onto them would survive and continue to serve the world in my absence.

I felt as though I’d done the best I could, and could not see any way to recover from my current state of affairs. I was hurt, desolate, exhausted, and felt as if I had nothing left to give. I knew the holiday season was a time for increased suicide, and now, I knew why. Even though I knew I would just be counted as another normal statistic (I’ve always been resistant to being considered “normal”), I was determined to see this through.

I would leave behind children I loved more than anything, who would not understand why their parent would do such a thing. So, in a last-ditch effort to give them some spiritual support, especially now during the holiday season, I decided to send them love.

While I loved them, I really had no love resources left within me to give. I was empty. The only thing I could do would be to send them God’s love from some infinite source from without and beyond myself and send it to them.

I used self-guided prayer meditation to send this infinite unconditional love to each child and to their children as well. This was late on Christmas Eve, and I thought my coup was inspired because any lift of their spirits which they may have felt from this spiritual effort, would have been attributed to the holiday season.

Using this meditative process, one by one, I filtered this infinite love through every cell of each child’s body, their mind, and the deepest parts of their psyches and souls. After I’d completed the process and blessed each child, I felt like I could do more. (Not realizing this was a huge improvement, already from when I started this process.) So, I continued the process for extended family members as well.

I thought about my friends and neighbors, how they could use a boost, which might help when they’d heard of my taking my own life, so I sent love to them using this meditation.

It was at this point that I decided to include the people who had disrespected and attacked me on the behalf of predatory individuals, and the predators as well. For even with all things considered, weren’t they only doing the best they could with what they had? Many of them did not know what was really going on, nor any recognition of how their actions would affect me. I sent unconditional love to every one of them.

Then, I felt compelled to continue the process to include my local community, the state where I resided, the country, other countries, and the world.

Then, I thought, remembering this is the time of the season that others would be taking their lives, along with me, so I sent love to them, that they might grasp enough of this love, that they might be able to make it one more day, because in most cases one more day could make all the difference.

I had imagined their lives as not being as full and complete as my own, and thought if given the chance, they could have plenty of life ahead of them to experience a better life, possibly their best lives, and maybe even help to make the world a better place, if they could just make it through this tough time. So, I sent love to them.

I thought, even if only one person was able to feel the love to make it past this moment without taking his or her own life, my life would have been worth it.

I felt as if my efforts had made a difference.

After my last act of benevolence had been completed, I noticed that I felt better. The sun had come up. It was a fresh Christmas morning. I looked outside to see no snow, but it was cool and brisk, and I was alive. Feeling more alive. As if I had made a contribution, and my dream… My dream of being able to reach just one person had come true.

While I had flowed all that eternal love through me to others, it filtered through the cells of my own body as well.

I had come out on the other side, strong, and at peace with all that was.

That Christmas morning, I vowed to expand my studies to include energetic work, in an effort to better understand what miracle had just occurred.

My practice of Sending Love to the World became an annual event for me, personally, and others have joined me in sending love to the world at this time of year.

If you feel so inclined, you could join us in sending love to the world this year, and every year.

We start sending love to the world on November 11th, and continue through the 1st of January, in the hopes that we might help to make the world a better place and by all means save some.

 

Holiday Family Blessing or Curse?

Then, there’s your family.

The holiday ideal starts off with the reverent honoring of those who have given a portion of their lives (all gave some, some gave all) on Veterans Day which falls on November 11th in the USA. Then either the most anticipated or dreaded family get-together comes along as the Thanksgiving celebration. It is generally at this time of year that families which have been separated throughout the year, get together.

This “celebration” could be either amazing or horribly grueling depending on the nature and dynamics of your family’s cohesion, strength, and honor.

Let’s face it, all families are dysfunctional, so just let that expectation go. It’s a fantasy if you expect anything else, and to do so sets you up for discouragement every time. So, if your family’s a little whacko. So what? Let it go and learn to enjoy, even love, your family’s diversity.

But some families are so terribly broken, that there is very little thread of familial connection, and family members have suffered greatly in what should have been the tender, caring hands or the family, but suffered tragic drama and trauma instead.

What about those who have no family? Maybe, everyone they know in their family has passed away, and they are here, all alone at this moment which represents the coming together of family. No one would blame that person for feeling a bit down, lonely, or depressed, while everyone else is celebrating.

Or maybe their family is alive but separated by too many miles, or even worse miles of bad roads traveled in life. Family members can suffer so incredibly these days, and the effects of a traumatic childhood can be life-long, and even end the lives of the suffering children prematurely through expression as physical illness, disease, or suicide.

If you haven’t suffered tragically under the watch of your parents or were left to fend for yourself in any way possible as a young child, you have no idea of how bad it could be.

How bad is it? Well, consider this: The fastest-growing age group of suicides committed every day is that of 10- to 14-year-old children. So, you tell me, “How is this affecting our kids?”

And if Thanksgiving wasn’t bad enough, what about the looming mother of all familial holidays?

Of course, I’m referring to Christmas, that joyous time of year when families get together and bond. What about that? What if you’re a single parent, or even a couple, struggling financially to raise kids. You’re working so hard just to make the ends meet, now they wanna throw some God-forsaken shopping-spree holiday on top of that?

What could possibly be worse?

I don’t know. Maybe if you lived through all those holidays, you might make it the new year, celebrating with your family with some hope of maybe having a better life next year?

What? No hope?

It’s no wonder these are the most popular holidays to commit suicide. Let’s take a look at them:

Too much drama and trauma will kill you, and if it doesn’t kill you, some people are determined to do it themselves.

But don’t you let them get away with it.

You’re not going to check out. You’re not going to give them the satisfaction.

You can be betrayed by your family so many times it makes you want to puke just to think about it. You’ve been stabbed in the back so often or abused in any number of other ways, it’s a miracle that you can even stand, but here you are.

You are here.

And you know you came here to do some serious work, and that work starts today.

When I was at my lowest and I thought I couldn’t take one more step, one more breath, I decided to do something radical to make a difference in the world, and in doing so, I made a huge difference in myself.

I discovered that one person could make a difference, and that’s exactly what I did.

That year, instead of committing suicide over the holidays I decided to send love to others who might be going through the same thing. And as I engaged in this meditative prayer exercise, every cell of my body began to awaken.

Enthusiastically, I increased the range of my endeavor and started sending love to the world. And since then, I’ve had thousands of people join me in sending love to the world, which if even in some small way does make the world a better place.