Vulnerable and Honest Director’s Cut

Up ’til now, you’ve seen the theatrical version of your life. Maybe it’s time for another look at this work for the new expanded, vulnerable and honest director’s cut.

If you desire to grow and expand into the best version of you, you need to take a look at what lies beneath the surface. Like a tree, the condition of your soil, the vastness of your root system and vital nutrients (fertilizer) all contribute to what is realized topside. Beneath the surface is the dirty work of self improvement, exposing our vulnerabilities.

Tracing our hidden root system with honesty and transparency can be frightening, looking the ghosts and demons of our past in the eye, studying our less than honorable moments and connections, opening old wounds, administering healing is the deep work.

Let’s face it, no one’s perfect, especially me. But this digging deep, working with the fragile infrastructure of my life, helps me to take out the trash and preserve, honor and cherish the antiquities that I treasure, more precious than diamonds. Left buried and un-treated these hidden wounds fester, leading to disease, deterioration and death. Tending to them openly and honestly, risking the sensitivities or our most vulnerable self allows us to turn them into energetic nutrients encouraging massive new growth, expansion and the juiciest fruit you’ve ever imagined.

This no-holds-barred approach to the deep work helps us find the beauty in what we may have discarded or buried as trash, while maximizing the nutritional elements of each buried experience that otherwise promotes rot and decay. This work allows us to look back at less than favorable moments in our lives with gratitude and joy.

We all are imperfect; yet hold ourselves to unbelievable levels of perfection, often punishing ourselves for missteps and failures. An honest review, looking at our darkest moments, broken dreams, betrayals, denials, punishments (of ourselves or others), denials, sacrifices, suffering and despair can be the most difficult work, but little else is so effective. On the other side of this work is an embracing of life as it is, with all of its jagged pieces, which if held in the light of love, sparkles like diamonds in the sky.

We live in a world with a forced set of parameters that are all imaginary. We are raised and forced to believe we are restricted by limitations imposed by nothing more than invisible self-policed thought processes, effectively imprisoning our experience in this life. These life restraints are challenged and the chains broken as we are set free to explore our untethered possibilities.

When you are able to break open all those tender wounds and face your demons with vulnerability, you can endure the entire process and look back with a sense of frivolity. After all, from an alternate high perspective, someone, somewhere, our higher self or God is looking at all this from a completely different point of view. And from this perspective, we are able to see things as they are and even laugh at ourselves as if watching a slapstick comedy.

Being able to find the humorous moments in the tragedy of our life can be as easy as changing the soundtrack. The background music can change most any scene from dark drama to lighthearted comedy. When you are able to look back on those moments, with respect, honor and a smile (if not a full on laugh), you are finding joy in a life that is. This is the key to true and lasting happiness.

Lightening up and loosening our restrains, allows us to find the joy via our newfound lighthearted approach to life. There is no need to make life so hard.

Aren’t we all in this together? We are all just actors playing parts in each other’s life teleplay.

Though some are born with an innate ability to play out their parts, most actors have trained and honed their skills, to learn how to take a fall without hurting themselves. It takes the same skills of agility and strength to be a death-defying stuntman/stuntwoman or a physical comedian. The soundtrack determines whether we gasp in fear, or laugh our ass off, watching the scene play out.

You’ll be surprised how much valuable story line was left on the cutting room floor. You can re-edit the theatrical version by filling in between the lines, enjoying new camera angles and changing the soundtrack in your Director’s Cut of your life.

Get ready to approach life with a new sense of vigor for all the fun that lies ahead on your enlightened journey.

Love Lies Why Lovers Lie

Why Do Lovers Lie?

When you enter into a committed relationship, an evolution takes place. As time goes on couples experience a metamorphosis as each of the participants grows and changes interdependently. Though they may be “one flesh” in the utmost romantic sense, they are still separate individuals both trying to do the best they can with what they have.

The only thing that truly bonds a couple together is the level of integrity and trust they have one for the other. If we can trust impeccably, be open and honest, we have the main ingredients of a highly successful and long lasting love life together. For if we do not have trust, what do we have?

As each lover evolves, there may be moments in time when they may be out of sync with their counterpart. What then?

Do you say, “This isn’t working for me; see ya,” as you depart with little concern for the former mate left behind?

Or do you lie and say, “I love you. Everything’s okay. You mean the world to me, nothing could come between us.”

Relationships are hard and no matter how we try to establish hard and fast rules for relationships, it is nearly impossible to have textbook answers for every conceivable scenario. We, as human beings, are far too complex for that.

While there are liars who selfishly lie to the extreme (we call them pathological liars) without regard to others (even if it appears to not be necessary to lie at all), alternatively we are talking about compassionate liars cohabitating in the space somewhere within the bounds of love.

While being totally open and honest are vastly important in relationships, being too open and honest can easily render a relationship null and void. Sometimes in a long term romance, the ability to lie is not only warranted, but may be a necessary component of romantic survivability.

Indeed, a long-term successful and loving relationship between two people consists or a delicate balance between truthfulness and deceit. Just ask any individual alone and off-camera who is part of a successful couple that has enjoyed a state of relationship bliss for many years what is the secret to their long-standing love affair? The answer (if conveyed honestly) will reference the delicate balance between truth and lies.

Why lie in a loving relationship?

For the sake of the big picture, in a selfless effort to preserve all that is sacred in a relationship, the occasion may (and often will) arise when the importance and reverence for the relationship exceeds the need to assert an opinion, fact or truth which might cause harm to the sacredness of the couple’s bond. Thereby justifying a bit of tale-telling to ease past what might have been a difficult situation that may have compromised the relationship or led to its dissolution altogether.

Let’s assume for a moment that the emotional spectrum of a relationship spans from love and acceptance on one end and anger and judgment on the other. Lovers often balance delicate of critical issues by where the consequence will end up on this spectrum. The unbridled truth may end up putting the relationship at risk by hurling it all the way into anger and judgment, while a love lie might not put the relationship at risk at all.

We learned this method of mitigating emotional-charged relationships in our youth. Where the truth may have sent our parents into a fury-filled emotional outburst with negative results, a little lie would sidestep the darkness and pain of disappointment and or impending punishment, and all was well.

I’m not saying it’s wrong or right. No two relationships can possibly be compared and everyone needs to find their own way. These types of “love lies” for the most part will go by completely unnoticed, except in the instances where the deception is interrupted by the otherwise naïve other lover. If we are honest, we would all admit that we do this to some degree without intent of malice.

In fact, we may tell a love lie because we love, honor and respect our mate so much, that we might do or say anything in support of the other and increase our love one for the other, even though our heart may not be totally vested at that particular moment in time. In most cases the love lie goes unnoticed and a greater love prevails.

When the one of the lovers discovers a love lie unawares, the couple needs to address the issue of the existence of this kind of deceit within the relationship. Each couple will have their own unique strategy for dealing with these types of inconsistencies.

The hardest road of all for a couple to attempt to maintain is that of complete and utter honesty regardless of the feelings of the other lover. In some cases this can work, but it takes a unique chemistry between two individuals who can manage such a relationship for long.

This is the emotional high road that if navigated correctly, with love and tolerance, without anger or judgment , we simply accept things as they are and allow each other to be without taking the unbridled truth personally or as an assault to be defended against.

For the rest of us, we try to set and manage boundaries for truth and honesty and believe that our love will survive the test of time, if we truly honor and value each other and the relationship as a whole.

Truth and Consequences

Once you get to a point in your journey when you are attaining a level of personal integrity, you also begin to gain a desire to be open and honest – which is a good thing – but it doesn’t take long ‘til you find that telling the truth and being totally honest can come at a very high price.

Being totally honest is an authentic urge as you continue to grow as being true to yourself makes you want to be truthful to others also. One would think that since being brutally honest with yourself would indicate that being brutally honest with others would be just as effective. Yeah, not so much.

truth honesty consequences imagination sincerity

The more radically open and honest you are the fewer people will be attracted to you. Unless your goal is to completely isolate yourself from society, then you might consider tempering your honesty with a snippet from the Hippocratic Oath, “To do no harm.”

Otherwise, an unbridled purveyor of truth might be considered as arrogant, self-centered, antagonistic, whacked (crazy) and possibly deserving of being safely locked away in an asylum. To counter public opinion about the truth you desire to share, simply being considerate of others can be a highly effective approach when applied to communication that might otherwise be difficult or hurt someone’s feelings.

This is a skill wielded by the savvy therapist, to be able to challenge the patient with contrarian ideas in order to break a particular pattern, without approaching the idea from a full frontal attack. Some empathy in this situation will go a long way. Consider the person you’re involved in the conversation with, use a bit of imagination and try to put yourself in his or her shoes. How does it feel to be that person, in this moment, with respect to the life he/she has lived up to this point?

Keep in mind, you want to tell the truth without overawe and do no harm in the process.

Simply taking a moment to observe your breathing, connect with your heart, thoughtfully and purposefully setting the intention to effectively and sincerely communicate heart-to-heart prior to sharing will help to set the tone for a potentially abrasive interaction.

To avoid the pitfalls or consequences of being blunt, a more ‘round the bush approach may be a more affective tactic, especially if you would like to avoid alienation, desiring a more positive outcome.

As you become more open, honest and intimate your thoughts in a sincerely truthful manner, you find increasing feelings of satisfaction, joy and fulfillment from this advanced perspective. Your whole outlook begins to improve, as does your lifestyle, you live a healthier and enjoy a longer lifespan.

If you can learn how to honestly tell the truth with respect and honor for the life and perspective of the recipient, you will be respected as an authentic person who speaks with authority and integrity, while being kind and sensitive.

The more you do it, the less intimidated you are about sharing and the more courageous you become about intimating important details to others.

When your kindness predicates your sharing honestly, you come from a place of love and compassion and people with whom you are interacting feel as though you care about them, when the very same information would have been rejected and you shunned, without first setting your authentic intention.

Still, there will be times when even with the best intentions and efforts, your honesty will be rejected, but that says more about the state of the receiver than you. Some people cannot handle the truth and build protective walls around themselves to disallow any ideas that may seem incongruent to them.

Allow them to be where they are. After all, we’re all doing the best we can with what we have.

Maybe sometime in the future, they will be more receptive, depending on their life’s journey.

In the meantime, tell the truth, understand there will be consequences and minimize the negative ones.

In all honesty and love.