lie | David M Masters

Are You in a Relationship with a Chronic Liar?

What can you do when you are in a relationship with a chronic liar?

Michelle seeks out her brother for advice because she caught Tom, her fiancé, lying, yet again. Her brother, Andrew, affirms to her, “He would never tell the truth. You could not beat it out of him nor threaten his life, or that of a loved one.” But Michelle is in love with Tom, wants to marry him, and spend the rest of her life with him, she says, “But I believe in him.”

Michelle and Tom have been together for three years, just celebrated their first year of engagement, and she catches his lying about his whereabouts, and private communications with ex-girlfriends again.

This has happened before, and they had an important talk not long after their engagement. Michelle tried to understand that Tom might feel awkward about continuing to communicate with exes and other women, so in his mind, it was easier to lie about it than to tell the truth, even though he had nothing to hide.

They agreed that he would tell the truth because it was important for Michelle to marry a trustworthy, honest, and open man. Her brother Andrew’s advice to her was to leave him, because he is a pathological liar, and will never be truthful or honest, “Men, like that, can never change.”

To be fair, there are many types of chronic lying, and pathological liars have clear intentions to defraud, deceive, or gain in some way from their often wildly exaggerated lies. Compulsive liars, on the other hand, are motivated by fear of what other people might think. They tell fictional stories to avoid making other people feel uncomfortable or awkward or to avoid being uncomfortable or awkward themselves. Lying is one thing, intention is also important.

In the therapeutic environment, the best way to help someone is to fully understand them, to feel what they feel, share in their suffering, have an idea of their life, and how they became the person they are today. That is longtail understanding, a long-haul approach to understanding why someone might have a tendency to lie instead of feeling open and honest enough, to tell the truth consistently.

Your first reaction to being lied to is understandably rooted in anger and likely followed by a sense of betrayal. You feel like you have been victimized by a perpetrator. While this may be true if you have been lied to by a psychopath or pathological liar, this may not actually be the case, even though you feel that way, and have every right to feel as if you have been stabbed in the back.

As soon as you are starting to notice this as being a pattern of behavior, you would be well advised to start keeping notes of all the incidents of inconsistencies, times you felt your intuition telling you that something wasn’t right, or when you caught him or her in a lie. This will be helpful to keep your own sanity intact and will come in handy later if you feel as though confrontation might be necessary.

In most cases, lies are told to spare your feelings. This is an important distinction when evaluating the motivations of the liar because it makes a difference whether someone is lying because they want to exploit or harm you or they are lying because they care about you and are trying to protect you. Right?

Chronic liars may lie more often than not, they cannot help it, but they are not being malicious about it. They are commonly also diagnosed with personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism.

Mediation is used in the process of confrontation, though I am not convinced that intervention is not the best method due to its being shocking, assaultive, and combative, which victimizes the person who is lying. How many victims do we need, here?

If you are feeling like an intervention is your only hope for sanity or wellness, it may be healthier just to end the relationship as soon as you are able to do so with as little drama and trauma as possible. Because holding on to the hope that your liar will start telling the truth out of his or her love for you, is not the most likely outcome.

Perfect liar's response, "I'm not lying. And if I was lying, you would never be able to tell because I am the best liar in the world." — Perfect liar’s response, “I’m not lying. And if I was lying, you would never be able to tell because I am the best liar in the world.”

If you are feeling victimized by your partner’s lying, it is far more likely that your feelings will be hurt even more, and the relationship will end. Your feelings will be hurt, your heart will be broken, you will feel incredibly betrayed, angry, sad, and depressed.

It is extremely rare that a liar is willing and able to do the deep work of resolving all the life issues, drama, trauma, and learned responses that have resulted in his or her compulsion to not tell the truth, but it is possible.

If you decide to take the chance of working with your partner on their compulsion to lie, it will require a commitment to a lengthy and probably painful process for you and your partner to get to the place of your partner’s epiphany and resulting breakthrough. It will require a great deal of compassion and understanding on your part while you endure the roller coaster ride through recovery.

You must decide if you are ready for this kind of torrential commitment, and ask yourself, will your sacrifice be worth it? Whether it works or not?

If this process and the person you deeply care for is too toxic for you? You may have to let go and walk away. You have already given and endured more than would be expected from anyone.

You deserve to love and be loved, to experience reciprocal truth, openness, honesty, and happiness.

Any advice?

Stabbed in the Back

You’ve opened your heart, trusted someone you cared about, allowed yourself to be vulnerable, and he or she stabbed you in the back. Now, you look back and can see every red flag that indicated this might be coming, and you ignored them because you saw the only goodness and the sacred potential in this person. Still, you were stabbed in the back.

People disrespect you, friends let you down, even your own family could betray you. No doubt, betrayal leaves wounds and scars that can endure and cause the deterioration of your entire system, body, mind, and spirit.

What should you do when you’ve been stabbed in the back?

Jesus had the nerve to suggest you should forgive those who stab you in the back 7 times 70 times (Matthew 18:22), and I’m certain that it’s not about the math problem so much as it is about if someone stabs you in the back you should just forgive them over and over again.

Forgive them, yes, but do not let them walk all over you.

What can you do when you’ve been stabbed in the back?

You can forgive them for not honoring your ability to ability to only see them in the best light. No need to punish yourself for putting your faith in – and trusting – someone else, which would be the natural response of your ego which stands in judgment of everyone and everything, even you.

At the very least, take sacred action to set boundaries for those who disrespect you, and distance yourself from those you know have a propensity to stab you in the back.

You are responsible for the perseverance of your sacred space. Do not let anyone take your power away or have dominion over you. Remember that even in the worst situations someone may be able to impose their will over your body, but you must allow them to have dominion over your mind. Stop giving your power away. Do not allow them to exert authority over your mind.

Pay more attention. Remember the old adage, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.” Not all people are loving, open, honest, and respectful of others, like you. Every now and then, your bound to run across the occasional psychopath, sociopath or narcissist, who could certainly throw your otherwise peaceful or harmonious life off-balance, or worse, even turn your whole world upside down.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who do not have your best interest at heart. Some people are just toxic, and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you to do.

When you’re just getting started setting boundaries, “back off,” and a firm, “no” are good ways to protect your sacred space. Drawing firm lines in the sand (metaphorically or otherwise) around you is also effective.

When you’re totally comfortable with the idea of protecting yourself from the negative influence or impact of others on your psychological wellbeing or your life at all, then you can consider the idea of loving them unconditionally.

Loving others, and blessing those who hurt you, is a tough row to hoe, but if you wrap your heart and mind around the idea that everyone (including you) is only doing the best with what they have, you might be able to imagine having compassion (not feeling sorry) for that person. Consider, if you were in his or her shoes, having lived the very life that he/she had lived up to that point, you would have responded in exactly the same way.

You might be able to find the wherewithal to forgive the person by whom you were stabbed in the back, or maybe even not judge them for any wrongdoing at all, for they were simply doing the best the could with the tools they had at the time.

Don’t worry if all that love seems inconceivable at present, but at the very least, stop letting yourself be stabbed in the back.

It’s up to you to do it.

For more information, see: Trust Betrayal dot com.

Is Withholding the Truth the Same as Blatantly Lying to You?

The act of withholding the truth is a controversial topic, with debates over whether it should be considered a form of lying or not. Some assert that it is merely a strategic data omission and not an outright lie, while others say that withholding information is a lie of omission.

The Psychology of Withholding the Truth

For the average liar, withholding the truth may serve as a tactical maneuver to avoid the guilt associated with direct lies. By omitting crucial details, individuals may convince themselves that they are not actively engaging in bold-faced deceit. Psychologists often refer to this behavior as a rationalization, a self-protective mechanism that enables individuals to reconcile their actions with their own moral compass.

Pathological liars, in particular, may frequently resort to this tactic, justifying their actions by emphasizing what they did not say rather than what they did say. However, the question remains: Can withholding the truth truly be separated from the concept of lying?

The Moral Implications

The Catholic Church, along with various moral and ethical frameworks, takes a firm stance on the issue of withholding the truth. From a moral perspective, the act of intentionally omitting crucial information is considered deceptive and contrary to principles of honesty and transparency, a venial sin according to Catholicism. Many argue that by withholding information, individuals are manipulating the truth, leading to potential harm or misunderstanding.

In the eyes of morality, the intent behind withholding the truth matters significantly. If the intention is to mislead or deceive, regardless of the means employed, it can be viewed as a breach of trust and a departure from ethical conduct.

Legal Perspectives

The legal system also weighs in on the question of whether withholding the truth is tantamount to lying. In various jurisdictions, the act of withholding information can have legal consequences, particularly when it comes to contracts, agreements, and legal obligations. Courts often recognize the importance of full disclosure to ensure fairness and justice.

One notable legal concept is the duty to disclose, which is a legal obligation requiring parties to reveal all material facts relevant to a transaction. Failure to fulfill this duty can result in legal repercussions, emphasizing the significance of transparency in legal matters.

Examples

To illustrate the blurred lines between withholding the truth and lying, consider the scenario of a job interview. An applicant might withhold information about a past employment termination, arguing that they were not explicitly asked about it. While they might not have told a direct lie, the omission of such a crucial detail could be deemed deceptive by the employer.

In a legal context, a seller withholding information about defects in a property during a real estate transaction could lead to legal consequences. The buyer may argue that the seller’s failure to disclose materially affected their decision, thus constituting a form of deception.

Withholding in the Name of Love

There are situations where withholding information can be motivated by compassion or an act of love. In certain contexts, the decision to withhold details may be guided by the desire to protect someone emotionally or physically, maintain their well-being, or uphold a greater good. Here are a few scenarios where compassionate withholding of the truth might be considered justifiable:

Protecting from Harm:

Example: A doctor may choose not to disclose the full severity of a patient’s condition if revealing it could cause extreme distress without offering any actionable steps for improvement. This is often seen in cases of terminal illnesses, where the focus is on preserving the patient’s emotional state.
Preserving Emotional Well-being:

Example: Parents might decide not to share certain family struggles or financial difficulties with their children to shield them from unnecessary stress. This compassionate act is driven by the intention to maintain a positive and stable environment for the well-being of the family.
Surprise or Gift Planning:

Example: Planning a surprise party or gift involves withholding information temporarily. This is done to enhance the joy and excitement of the recipient, demonstrating that withholding can be an act of love aimed at creating positive and memorable experiences.
Personal Relationships:

Example: In certain situations, individuals may choose not to disclose past mistakes or regrets to their partners if doing so would cause undue pain and not contribute constructively to the relationship. The intention is to protect the emotional connection rather than deceive maliciously.
Children and Sensitive Information:

Example: Parents may withhold certain details about difficult family situations or personal hardships from their young children until they are old enough to understand and cope with the information. This is often done to shield them from unnecessary emotional burdens.
It’s important to note that the justification for withholding information in these cases lies in the intention to prioritize the well-being and emotional health of the individuals involved. Compassionate withholding is not synonymous with deceit, as the underlying motivation is rooted in care and consideration for the feelings and mental state of others.

However, it’s crucial to strike a balance and recognize that openness and honesty are generally valued in relationships. In some cases, the decision to withhold information may need to be reassessed over time, and communication should be encouraged when the timing is right.

So, is Withholding the Truth Lying?

In conclusion, the question of whether withholding the truth is a lie involves a complex interplay of moral, psychological, and legal considerations. While some may attempt to rationalize this behavior as a strategy to avoid outright lies, both moral and legal frameworks emphasize the importance of transparency and full disclosure. The implications of withholding information, intentional or not, should not be underestimated, as they can have far-reaching consequences in personal relationships, professional settings, and legal proceedings.

What Are You Hiding?

I have had the privilege of having people confide in me, telling me their deepest, darkest secrets. I know what the “official story” is about a great many things, and I have heard the truth behind the headlines directly from the sources. I have also been massively deceived by a sociopath, the greatest keeper of secrets, only to find out the truth at great expense.

One particular psychopath with whom I’d become acquainted with who was referred to by prosecutors as inherently evil and claimed himself to be a pathological liar could wield lies like his identifying superpower. With a keen ability to defraud, counterfeit, and masquerade, he enjoyed false careers as everything from an airline pilot, attorney, mental health counselor, therapist, investment banker, real estate, precious metals, and Wall Street broker, just to name a few.

The psychopath was the embodiment of the phrase, “If his lips are moving, he’s lying,” (according to one Chief Investigator) as he committed a wide variety of crimes while bilking unsuspecting widows, and vulnerable adults, among a long list of other types of victims, left wounded, alone, and penniless. Lying, he claimed, was his form of exercising his First Amendment right to free speech, which he was entitled to by constitutional law.

Being proficient at lying is not relegated to narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, pathological liars, or evil people.

As much as we’d like to say, “I could never lie, like that,” the truth is all of us, including you and me, lie all day long, every day of our lives, albeit without any malicious intent.

What are you hiding?

You are deceptive, hide the truth, and lie every day; we all do. It’s a standard human basic survival skill.

You’ve learned from a very early age, generally two years old, that telling the truth does not serve your best interests. It usually starts with you being sent to your room or otherwise punished by a parent (or parental figure) for honestly fessing up to something that your parent(s) disapproved of. So, you learned to lie and have perfected the craft over time.

You learned to lie (just like we all did) to avoid punishment, disapproval, or pain, and to make life easier to manage, to make friends, to advance in careers or society, and to be attractive to others, especially romantic partners. Leaving you wondering why lovers lie?

Other reasons for lying include getting what you want, to be recognized, establish and maintain an image, to garner attention or sympathy, and to find out if someone else is lying or trustworthy.

No matter how much you know someone, how close you are to anyone, you can’t tell what’s going on inside someone else’s head, it’s just not possible. Just like no one can tell what’s going on inside your head, and you do the best you can to present yourself as the person you believe yourself to be, even if it means lying.

Those of us who might be on the autism spectrum are probably the worst liars (by that, I mean, not very believable when lying and lie the least), but the rest of us are fairly competent at lying.

The fact is, the whole world, the three-dimensional world that we all inhabit, is entirely an illusion of belief systems which are hardly based on truth, but on lies, we’re programmed to believe as truths, and we believe them so much, that we would defend them with our lives.

If we live, we live a lie to the best of our abilities, where we are surrounded by lies, but most of us do it with the best intentions.

How to Tell When Someone is Lying

In all areas of life, it is likely that you will run into an individual who is less than honest. There are so many ways for people to deceive, cheat, lie and steal, and if you’re not diligently paying attention, you might be swindled or betrayed by someone you’d considered as trustworthy.

This is not permission to go over the edge and be paranoid or adopting the extreme thought pattern that, “everyone’s out to get me,” only to be aware enough of your surroundings to be looking for clues that someone might be trying to put one over on you.

For a proficient or pathological liar, their ability to confidently state an all-out lie is unparalleled, so these tells may not be effective in getting to the truth from a cleverly deceptive liar. But other, “normal,” people will express some behaviors because they are not comfortable when lying.

Uncovering Deceit Expose the Liars

Being aware means getting to know someone well enough to establish their baseline behavior in a normal non-threatening conversation. If you don’t know how a person acts like when their engaged in conversation about something they interested in, when they would have no interest in being deceitful, you do not have enough information to notice a change in their behavior, which is your first clue that something might be awry.

Body language will likely change when someone is being deceptive. If in a normal conversation, he or she looks you in the eye and his or her body faces you straight on, and in the present conversation, they are not making eye contact, or their body is now at a 45 degree angle, that could be an indication that something’s up.

Someone’s facial expression, or eye movement which is different from their normal pattern of communication could also indicate someone is being less than honest and open, or intentionally hiding something.

Yes means yes, and no means no. If you’ve asked a simple yes or no question and the person you’ve asked answers with a long drawn out story, and can’t seem to settle on a yes or no conclusion, this is a clear indication of deceit or coverup. If you want the truth, you might want to ask this person, “Is that a yes, or a no?”

If you notice some inconsistencies in someone’s delivery, it could be connected to some other life experience which would trigger a signal which could be interpreted as a sign of someone’s deceit. If you really want to get down to what’s going on (and risk getting too personal) you might want to ask more questions and drill down to make a better determination whether this person is lying to you, or if he or she connected your question to a life experience in their past, which caused him or her to react differently.

When you’ve completed your conversation, gathered whatever information they’ve had to tell you, and you’ve confirmed that he or she has nothing more to say, then watch their reaction when you ask them if everything they’ve told you is true.
This is another simple yes or no answer. An honest person may admit to some inconsistency or add information that was purposefully left out at this point, which after allowing them to speak their piece would indicate the need to ask again if that was everything, and if they are telling the truth, leaving you waiting again for a simple yes or no answer.

A deceptive person will dance all around “Yes,” or, “No,” citing all kinds of irrelevant information and/or confusing details, and once you’ve received your simple yes or no answer, you might be brazen enough to follow up with the infamous, “Why should I believe you?”

Again, if their reply is over the top, emotionally charged, or they offer up a liturgy of character references, appalled that you might challenge them in such a manner, it could be an indication that they are being deceptive or withholding important information or details.

While brief and incomplete, hopefully these key signals indicating that someone’s not being honest and open with you will help you in determining if you’re dealing with a deceptive person, or an otherwise honest person who is not being completely forthcoming.

Good luck.

Don’t get paranoid, but be aware.

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

In life, you may encounter people who are not as they represent themselves, and when they are stealthy in their approach to control or manipulate others, we refer to such a person as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Jesus coined the phrase about false prophets, “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves” (Matthew 7:15), and Aesop tells a fable about a wolf who dons the pelt of a sheep who disguised as one of the fold walks freely among the herd and finds they are easy prey. That is until he is discovered by the shepherd and the wolf pays for his deception with his life, inferring that the wolf, no matter how clever he may be, will always be found out, sooner or later.

Modern-day wolves in sheep’s clothing blend in well with social circles, this is their primary skill. They have no qualms about lying, misrepresenting themselves and telling people in the circle what they want to hear in an effort to deceive and manipulate them for his or her profit, entertainment or pleasure.

If you’re anything like Aesop’s shepherd you will have a sense that something’s not right among the people in your social circle (the sheep) and you will do a security scan using your five senses (and maybe a sixth sense) to identify the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

While you are scanning your group of individuals, you may be able to discover the signs which might help you uncover your wolf in sheep’s clothing, for instance,

Something Doesn’t Sound Right

When they’re in their story-telling mode, they are very adept at concocting an authentic-sounding tale based on information they’ve garnered from other people or the Internet. Their story (or stories) sounds authentic enough, but there’s something that just doesn’t sound right about it.

If you’re around them for any period of time, it is likely that a wolf in sheep’s clothing will flub up and mix up the details, or utter contradictory information about their original story. Why? Because the original story was utter fiction, and they have other things to think about (the prey) besides tracking all the data which they spew to deceive others.

Not to worry, in the event that they get caught or confronted about an inconsistency, they’re usually quite adept at covering their tracks with a convincing fictional rationalization.

They Don’t Stand Still Too Long

Far from being sedentary, the wolf in sheep’s clothing will keep it moving at a steady and quick pace, so as not to be detected by relaxing or lollygagging. They’re on a mission, and they can’t be caught resting on their laurels.

They will find ways to develop bonds quickly with the right kinds of folks who will further their agenda or shore up their “trustworthiness.” They can be quite the silver-tongued persuaders, quickly finding their way into the hearts of those who are eager to see the best in someone or put their faith and trust in others.

Emotional Roller Coaster

The wolf in sheep’s clothing is likely to use your emotions to their fullest extent. At the outset, everything will be about you, making certain to keep your emotions ramped up and keep you in a state of exhilaration which releases bonding hormones which indenture you to the wolf.

The wolf will cozy up to you emotionally, spiritually, and even physically (which may include romantic implications). They will use any tools which are available to them to obtain their desired result.

Once they feel they have you firmly in their grasp, the attention will shift sharply from you to making it all about them, and you may fall victim to this ploy out of a sense of obligation. Be aware of this tactic.

Short Attention Span

The wolf in sheep’s clothing has an agenda, so veering too far off the road from where they want to go is intolerable, which may cause them to be anxious to reset the course mid-stream. Also, wolves are bored easily. They are constantly looking for ways to switch things up or try something new because the threat of boredom to a wolf is torture.

The wolf often juggles many tasks and items at once to keep his quick-paced lifestyle and may not follow through on much of anything to completion. Why? Because in most cases while a particular activity may be enjoyable or preventing him or her from being bored, they are not really enjoying it much, because it’s all a part of their act.

They move quickly from one thing to another to avoid being bored. (And don’t even think about them signing up to ensure a long check-out line, or stand for being held up in traffic.)

Their Mind Breaks Character

Even though their upfront game is tight, you can see their mind givethem away sometimes, if you’re attentive enough.It is not uncommon for the wolf’s mind to

It is not uncommon for the wolf’s mind to wander when others are intently focused. In a classroom environment, group meeting, intense roundtable discussion, boardroom meeting or brainstorming session, their thoughts will clearly take them somewhere else.

If you are attentive, you will witness the disconnect via eye movement, facial expression, and a shift of body position. It may not last for long, but the wolf has traveled deep within to plan his next move, taking a moment to review an entirely different manipulation, or to fantasize about a potentially beneficial outcome.

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Deception by Withholding

“I didn’t lie to you.”

That’s what the deceiver says when being confronted by the truth coming out about something they knew would rather have kept secret. That’s why they did not disclose it in the first place. But the crafty deceiver holds fast to the idea that because they didn’t actually say anything that was untrue, so their superior intellect and “morals” are supported by the idea that they did not lie.

The question that comes up in counseling is, “Is withholding really lying, since they haven’t actually verbalized a lie?” Good question. While there are hundreds of possibilities, it largely depends on the participants and their belief systems. But regardless of what your belief is (even if you think it’s okay for you to do) when it happens to you, all of a sudden it doesn’t seem so right.

From a trained Catholic point of view there are two types of sins; the sin of commission and the sin of omission. In terms of lying, actually telling a lie would be a sin of commission, while withholding would be a sin of omission, both sharing equal consequence. Regarding the sin of omission, Jesus’ brother says, “Whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” (James 4:17) which incorporates so much more than the unspoken words, actually including the right thing(s) one should have done but didn’t do.

But in a relationship, is it really all that bad to purposefully not disclose certain information that really wouldn’t accomplish anything but hurt someone’s feelings? Someone who thinks this way might say,

“I’m not lying, and I don’t see the need to hurt someone’s feelings when I didn’t really do anything wrong.”

This is due to the gray area representing activities or indiscretions that could have been worse.

An example might go something, like this…

Let’s say your boyfriend says,

“My friend’s mom is sick and he has to go to meet with his attorney and go to night court and he wants me to be there with her, while he’s gone.”

This doesn’t seem unreasonable so your boyfriend heads out to his friends house. He has his cell phone with him, so you can stay in touch.

His last text at 8:40 pm says,

“I forgot my charger, battery’s dying. I will text you when I get home.”

In this day and age, that could happen. You might even remember a time when your phone died, like that.

A couple of weeks later, you run into a girlfriend who saw him at a concert that night, and you assume she must be confused, because you know where he was that night.

As it turns out, the truth was that he did go over to his friend’s house to sit with his mother while he took care of his legal issues, but what he neglected to tell you was that he went to the concert with friends.

Regardless of what else may have happened, you were not made aware of his other friend’s extra concert ticket, and he neglected to tell you that, because he thought you might get mad, if you’d have known. Since nothing bad happened (like copulation), there was really no harm in sparing your feelings needlessly.

He may justify or think, he was only looking out for your best interest in the deception by omission.

Whether his concern was innocent, or not, the fact remains there was purposeful deception. In this scenario, the boyfriend indirectly lied as he omitted critical and important details, to deceive. With the intention of allowing you to believe all is well, and there was no opportunity for transgression.

Another example might be the urge to use a vague response to a question like, “What did you do last night?” A vague answer might be, “Oh, nothing, really.”

The key here is to remember that it’s just not sociopaths who use these slick methods of deception. People just like you and me do it also because we know that it’s wrong to lie, so we don’t want to do that. Because we have a conscious, it somehow feels better to tell some of the truth and to leave out the pertinent details that might otherwise cause needless confusion or conflict.

No one can really say if it’s right or wrong, but the truth is, if you feel sighted, hurt, betrayed, or indirectly lied to, then it’s definitely not a good thing. This is not a healthy state of mind to be in for very long.

We all deceive using different motives, such as making ourselves appear to have it more together than we actually do, to hide sensitive details or information (which may have negative consequences), and to hurt someone (maliciously, or in self-defense).

So what can you do when someone has hurt your feelings by withholding information?

Try to avoid labeling him or her as a liar. Allow him or her the opportunity to disclose the non-disclosed portion of the story on their own. Try to keep your emotions in check and instead try to think about why he or she would feel the need to withhold. Maybe some counseling might be in order, if they have unresolved issues, addictions, or trauma from the past.

Communicate where your boundary is on undisclosed information, make sure he or she understands, and hope this doesn’t happen in the future, while keeping in mind that you cannot change someone or expect them to change on command. The best you can do is to communicate your expectations and hope for the best. And if you find you cannot live with this type of behavior, then you must do what is right for you.

No one expects anyone to be 100% honestly disclosing everything 24/7, that would be unreasonable and abusive.

Please Lie to Me

Lies. We hear them all day long, every day of our lives and they make us feel good.

Even if the lies are horrific tales, they make us feel better about ourselves… because, after all, it could be worse. We could have been the unfortunate subjects of the tragic lie.

Our parents lie to us about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Disney – the hallmark of all fanciful lies – spins a yarn so incredible, we can help but believe any web they weave, and the liest don’t stop there… We’re just getting started.

Go to school, read a book, watch the news, do a Google search. We’re surrounded by so many lies you couldn’t possibly discern what is truth, even if it was staring you in the face.

Are we all living one big lie?

Ever look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Who is that?” or “Who am I?” and not have any clue as to what the real answer to questions, like that, might be?

But when you tell me good things about myself – even if they’re not true – doesn’t it make me feel better? And the bigger and more fantastic the lie is about me, the far better it feels. In fact, many of the happiest moments of my life were when I was surrounded and bathed in the most dishonest lies ever told.

Tell me lies: It makes me feel fabulous!

Let’s face it, being lied to makes you happy too.

Why am I happy when I am lied to? Because it feels so good to believe that the best things in life are not only possible, but it makes you feel like you are one of the lucky ones. So lucky, it’s as if you’ve just plucked the winning lottery ticket out of thin air. How much better does it get?

When people lie to me, it makes me happy. Tell me that I am amazing, that I look like a million dollars, that I am handsome or pretty, talented, unique, funny and/or brilliant and I will love it!

Please lie to me, it makes me happy. Don’t we all want a little bit of happiness? Sure, it may not last forever (or very long, for that matter) but in that moment we feel like we’re on top of the world.

Want to make me incredibly blissful? It’s easy; just tell me, “I will do anything to make you happy.” Aargh! You got me! Bull’s-eye! Right to the heart! I am yours!

Lie to me. Tell me that you love me, and make me the happiest person on this planet.

Please lie to me.
When you lie to me it makes me feel like I can do anything.
Please lie to me.
I will believe we can live in a world where we are free.
Please lie to me.
I will believe in true love between two for eternity.
Please lie to me.
I will believe we have a divine destiny.
Please lie to me.
So I can be happy.
Please lie to me.

Be a good liar

This doesn’t mean that you should be massively deceitful, though a high skill level in lying can be hugely effective if wielded masterfully.

What it means is

If you are going to lie, please do so with the best of intentions.

Narcissistic lies are simply destructive. While they may accomplish the desired results in the interim, the long lasting effects can be negative and can lead to the inability to ever be trusted by others.

On the other hand, if you have to lie – at the very least – make sure to make someone happy. There is a better chance of having a more meaningful social impact by telling what are commonly referred to as “white lies,” without malice of intent.

Take a moment to think, before answering,

Tag: lie