Love Comes When You Least Expect It

Even when the love manifestors are out there coaching us on how to flip the switch to make love appear in our lives (I know, I’m one of them), why is it that people still claim that love comes when you least expect it?

There’s one dominant reason that people declare love comes when you least expect it, because in most cases that’s the way it goes, even when you’re fervently working toward manifesting your perfect mate.

Getting matched-up with the person who truly is the perfect match for you is not something you want to rush.

Likely, if you’re in the process of finding the right person, especially if the reason is that you’ve selected the wrong person in the past or even a long succession of wrong people in the past, it’s because you’ve been doing it wrong.

It’s not that, “Your picker’s broken.” It’s more that you’re just not doing it right.

There are many reasons why we do it wrong which can be traced all the way back to your birth (and even before).

When you are deliberately and intentionally going about attracting or seeking your ultimate mate, now (hopefully) you’re going about it in a different way. Firstly, you have a better understanding of what you have to bring to a potential relationship.

The best love relationships come as the result of filling yourself with so much love and letting it spill over into the lives of those around you. True love starts with you.

You’ve realized that the way you went about it in the past did not serve you well, so you’re a little (or a lot) more particular about what’s going on inside your potential love interest.

There’s a good chance that in the past, you sort of jumped the gun and found yourself in a full-blown relationship due to premature infatuation. Your body and brain chemistry get triggered and the attraction faction takes over your ability to rationalize what’s happening.

This is a temporary condition. When the chemical reaction begins to subside, you wake up one morning, look over at the person sleeping next to you and ask yourself, “How’d I get myself into this mess?”

At that point, you either try to make the best of it or cut and run.

But when you’re cognizant, purposely and lovingly waiting, holding your own loving and sacred space for “the one,” it’s a whole different deal. You have your hormones in check. You’re aware of your tendency to make bad choices, and you’re more aware of what’s going on around you.

This state of increased awareness and alertness can actually be counterproductive in terms of the laws of attraction.

If you are exerting a great deal of effort and energy in trying to make your true love happen, it may actually produce an energy field which will prevent your beloved to be drawn to you.

It’s as if you are struggling against the current, or swimming upstream in an effort to find your true love, when true love is found in the releasing of energy. You cannot fight your way to true love (even though there are reports of people who have done so. I suspect this is a different kind of love. Even though it does appear to be sustainable over a period of time).

That’s why it appears that love comes when you least expect it.

Because you’re in the process of doing a lot of inner work while you are in the process of attracting your true love, there’s going to be a delay. You’re not going to exchange phone numbers with the first person that you’re attracted to this go-round. You realize this is not in your best interest.

So, it’s going to take longer than the hookups which you’re probably more accustomed to.

Once you’re aware of who you are and who would be best suited for you, there is a sense of urgency, seeking, and filtering process which you engage in, which is upstream activity. Not the best energy for attracting true love, though it can happen.

When you’re nearly ready to collapse from exhaustion (from all the upstream activity), you’re considering the withdrawal from all the “putting yourself out there,” you might want to hold off on deleting your profile.

It’s when you’ve released and let go of the angst and expectation, when you’ve given up, that the holy spirit is allowed to bring true love to you.

That’s why it looks like love comes when you least expect it.

You’ve walked away from the work of seeking love or trying to make love happen with all your best thinking and activity of the flesh.

True love is not an act of the flesh. True love is born of the heart in peaceful and overflowing abundance without any effort, as if floating downstream in love’s flow.

That’s when love comes; when you least expect it.

Nakedness in Relationships

Relationships can be scary, especially the more intimate the relationship the greater the exposures. There are various degrees of nakedness in relationships. In less intimate relationships there is less nakedness, while the most intimate relationships include full nudity.

Of course, I am not referring to the nakedness of being unclothed, but of being fully exposed, allowing yourself to be seen intimately without any social or emotional covering or façade.

We all desire to connect with other people, to know one another to varying degrees. We find comfort in having people in our lives with whom we can relax, and just be ourselves.

You are so much more than your public persona. You have a particular view of yourself, of how you want the world to perceive you, so you adopt a fully adorned representation of yourself to present to the world. No one knows this is just an act, except for you.

Yet, you desire to drop all the act and to be fully open, honest, transparent, and fully naked, loved and accepted for who you are with no pretense, agenda, or need for covering the vulnerable you who is hidden underneath the multiple layers of your external representation.

You have many levels of intimacy, where you shed some of the public personas and let others have glimpses of who you really are among friends and family. Still, you yearn for someone with whom you can be fully naked, without the fear of stripped down to the most intimate details of your life and who you really are.

In most cases, the only hope you have is to find a romantic mate with whom you can share the most intimate details of your life without the threat of judgment. This is love. As much as you desire such a level of vulnerable intimacy, it is possible to trust someone not to judge you or disclose your innermost secrets to the world?

To be fully naked, not just in the body, but in the soul, where your partner can see and hopefully some grasp of, level of understanding, or at least an inkling of what private things have hurt you in the past, why you have certain sensitivities, what makes you tick, and what turns you on, not just in the sexual sense, but what makes your heart sing, and why.

Where do you doubt yourself? What are your shortcomings? What are your greatest fears?

What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you want to throw caution to the wind and go for it?

This level of nakedness in relationships is what engenders true intimacy, entrusting your most intimate details in full view of your closest, most intimate partner. The one you can trust with all your transparent nakedness, fully exposed, with nothing left to hide.

This represents your most intimate relationship of all, yet it is elusive, and you fear opening up in such intimacy because you fear that you cannot trust anyone with the intimate details of your life.

It is likely that you trusted someone with some intimate details of your life only to have them disregard and disrespect you, judge you for intimating such details, and/or used your openness and honest against you.

You’ve learned, the hard way, not to trust anyone.

Still, your heart yearns to be joined with someone you can fully reveal yourself, who you can trust as the witness to the completeness of your life, as you are for him or her, the same.

This is the nature of the romantic soul mate, the one with whom you may have the potential of sharing an unconditional love.

You will run across many soul mates along the journey of your life, some who are potentially the best of friends, or the most intimate of lovers.

I hear countless regrets from those who later in life realize they once, or many times, had access to a potential soul mate but did not allow the relationship to explore the possibilities due to fear.

You must be able you overcome your fear to take the risk of experiencing nakedness in relationships in order to allow the soul mate to reveal him or her -self to you.

Your fear causes you to interrupt the idea with, “But…”

You’ve got to move your but to what. “What if…?”

Your what to when, “When should I…”

Your when to now. “Now is a good time to take action.”

Make a move to take the action to see if the possibility is closer than you thought.

If it turns out it’s not, keep looking and taking action to test the water, being mindful of the nakedness, or level of transparent intimacy you share, may not include actual nudity or be sexual in any way.

Don’t let your life be filled with the regret of having let him or her get away.

He or she is out there, waiting for you to reach out.

No Matter What You Say No Matter What You Do

With all this talk about love, growing and expanding in love, raising your love vibration, and unconditional love, you might find it difficult to say (think and feel), “I love you no matter what you say. No matter what you do.”

 

It seems like the idea of no matter what you say no matter what you do is a far stretch from reality. No one would blame you if you thought it was impossible or beyond belief that anyone could say such a thing without lying or being deceptive. Yet, there are times when you, yourself, are likely to have loved to that degree.

If you think about it, you have probably held a newborn baby or a new puppy in your arms, and in that moment as you look into the eyes of that baby or puppy, it’s easy to say, think and/or feel, “I love you no matter what you say. No matter what you do.”

Even though you came into this life as a baby who was unconditionally loveable and unconditionally loving, fascinated by and loving everyone and everything no matter what, you were raised, reared, and reprogrammed to love conditionally.

Then later in life, very possibly right now, you are awakening to or intrigued by, the idea of there being such a thing as unconditional love. You might be wondering why no one seems to be able to love you no matter what you say no matter what you do. And while you can love somebody so much, “no matter what,” seems like just too much to ask due to your social programming or personal beliefs.

Understand there is no wrong way or right way to love. We all love the best we can and if you do not have much love for yourself, you will not have a well of love to draw from within to share with others. Loving the best you can is the best you can do and you are blessed to have any love at all, no matter how small.

The unlimited unconditional love of God is infinite and all around you. This infinite unconditional love permeates every cell of your body. Do not panic if the idea of all life and you being made of and animated by unconditional love. Just keep your mind open enough to consider if there was no love in you, your body would fall to the floor, lifeless.

You are unconditional love, though you have been conditioned by family, friends, and society to believe that love is an elusive energy which exists outside of yourself, if it exists at all. This sets the scenario where true love, if you haven’t given up on it altogether, can only be found in some other person. Disney and Hollywood have helped shore up this idea.

In your search for love, you doubtlessly have discovered that love (the love you have been taught to seek) is not what it’s cracked up to be and your experience has led you to believe love is misleading, dishonest, painful, and not worth it, at least not for long. Your experiences in love can reinforce a negative perspective in relation to this idea of love, and you may come to the conclusion, “There is no such thing as love.”

If you would like to be loved no matter what you say no matter what you do, then you must ignite the flame of unconditional love which is within you, and turn it to and focus it upon yourself.

Up until now, you have probably been your own worst enemy, second-guessing and berating yourself, seeing yourself as a victim of life. Not if you love yourself unconditionally.

If you want to love or be loved unconditionally, you must love yourself no matter what you say no matter what you do first.

When you love yourself no matter what you say no matter what you do, you can then share your love as it overflows from you and to those who you love and the world all around you, unconditionally.

I know it’s a stretch because you’ve been trained to believe that no one can be trusted, but in the vibration of unconditional love, trust doesn’t matter.

In your conditional state of love, you think, “But what if…?”

In unconditional love there is no what if; there is only I love you no matter what you say no matter what you do.

If you are not ready to conceive of the idea of unconditional love, there is no judgment, you are not doing it wrong. Just find a way to love the best way you can, for love is really the only pure energy which permeates all of life. Find it. Get it and give it any way you can.

Here, you are loved no matter what you say no matter what you do.

Looking for Love

Love is the power of life. If you are clever you can harness the power of love and have all the best things this life has to offer. Everything you want in life can be found in love. Love keeps you safe and secure. Love is the only thing that really lasts, gives meaning to life, and is the bond that holds us all together. Love is not a contract, a prison cell, or restrictive; no, love is supportive, knows no bounds, and sets you free.

Love is integrous, it honors you, what you want and what is important to you. Love wants you to be happy and desires to give you everything you want and so much more. Love gives you a glimpse of what’s on the other side, what is in store for you if you dare enough to love for it, and what is waiting for you when your life has run its course.

Love is the power that makes all this possible, everything you can taste, smell, see, hear, feel or experience is brought to you by the power of love.

Do not disrespect love. Don’t use the word to bring about a certain response from someone or outcome in a desperate situation. Instead, make sure everything you do in love is connected to your heart, your highest self, and God.

“I love you,” are the three sacred, most powerful words in this human experience. “I love you,” is the combination that disarms all locks and opens all doors for your highest and best, and is the most powerful force in the universe, when connected to your heart, your higher self, and God.

When you tell someone you love them, you are wielding the most powerful weapon in the universe. What are you gonna do about it? Are you gonna honor the love that is in you, or break weak and allow you, or how you feel, to dishonor love? If you utter the words, “I love you,” you better be willing and able to back it up with everything you’ve got, unconditionally, or keep your mouth shut.

And you say, “I’ve loved before, and it nearly killed me!” Oh, yeah, what you thought was love will hurt you, it will mess with your head and your heart, and it will take you to places where you thought you’d never go, breaking your heart wide open, and leaving you for dead.

When used for evil, love can be the most destructive force in the world. Yes, there are people who use the power of love for evil. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. And when someone does, don’t judge them. Sure, you can be hurt, devastated… Someone just hit you with more power than the most powerful weapon known to man.

Do not let them win by killing you, the love within you, or lure you to the dark side of life. No. You find the love within you. That small ember of love is there, focusing on it causes it to energize and flame on. And with that flame of love, and everything you have in love, you give that love to your aggressor. You don’t have to say the words (God bless you, if you can) but you can send your love to the person who has failed love and used it for evil.

You may have given up on it, and find yourself saying, “I’m not worthy,” No one could ever love me. I am too selfish, too wounded, too fat, too tall, too young, too old, too… too… too… You are never too anything!

The most painful and arduous quest in life is the search for true love if you do not have a grasp of what it really is. Love is not the elusive, weak-kneed, find-your-soulmate, “if I can find someone to love me, my life will have meaning” kind of love you read about in books or long to see in the movies. It’s even a step beyond the “I love you no matter what” kind of love.

No. If you look for love outside of yourself, you will never find it. Oh, you might see someone displaying love’s attributes, and if you’re like me, when you do, it gets you right here, in my heart, and I’m likely to shed a tear, because there is nothing more meaningful to me than seeing someone honoring love and with integrity, honesty, openness, humility, and transparency: Loving.

The love you seek is not some elusive thing, hidden out there for you to constantly be looking for. If you’re out there looking for it, you will never find it.

True love was placed inside of you in that magical moment of creation and it has been there ever since.

You may not know it, but if the love in you left your body, your body would fall to the floor, lifeless. Without love you are nothing. So, if your heart still beats and there’s at least one more breath in you, love is there.

You ask, “But what if I die?”

You and your love may leave your body, but your love never ends; it goes on and on and on… to infinity.

Are you ready for love?

Check out the: Awakening to True Love Workshop

Why Is Love So Hard?

You’ve been there. You’ve fallen in love with someone, given your heart, mind, body and soul to someone and expected the same in return. More often than not, loving someone and expecting them to love you in return invites a world of trouble and what appear to be insurmountable obstacles. It can leave you asking, “Why is love so hard?”

First of all, keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There are three different thoughts about how relationships are formed, based on

Opposites Attract
People are attracted to Carbon Copies
Attraction is Chaos

When opposites attract, of course, trying to work it all out will be problematic. In fact, this is the entire concept of attracting your Twin Flame. The idea of the twin flame insists your partner is the polar opposite of you, the other half of you, destined to create a higher version of yourself when the two of you are united if you can survive the hell and high water to achieve exponential personal growth.

When people are attracted to carbon copies, they are (often unconsciously) looking for someone who is familiar, either like someone who was a powerful influence (positive or negative) in their earlier life, or someone who is like themselves in compatibility (or “chemistry”).

Then there is the thought that attraction is chaos and random. In this scenario, there is a degree of animal magnetism, followed by the assumption that no one is every truly satisfied in romantic relationships. These relationships are destined for trouble but if the couple is willing to work hard at it, they can maintain a long term relationship.
Some of the things that can make trying to maintain a relationship so hard include

What Is Love?

In my work with couples, it is common for individuals in a relationship not to have the same definition of what love is. How can a couple be “in love” when they don’t share the same idea of love’s definition?

Our society has warped the sense of love’s definition by offering romantic ideals based on fairy tale knights in shining armor and Disney Cinderellas to films depicting love at first sight and other magic of falling in love concepts.

Of course, there are more substantial concepts of love which include love as being based on integrity and commitment which means you stay with your partner whether you like it or not because you made a promise or signed a contract. On the other end of the spectrum are people who approach the idea of love as being an opportunity for personal and/or spiritual growth.

Understanding each other’s definition of love, coming to a shared definition and understanding how each person feels as though they are being loved are two of the best tools to have an idea of early on in the relationship or when looking for ways to offer help in a troubled relationship.

You Are Afraid

Fear is the reason for failure not only in relationships, but other areas of life as well. Fear is the most destructive force in our world and it hides deep inside you, and it serves only two purposes: To Protect You from Pain or Death – or – To Destroy Any Hope of Having a Good Life. In relationships participants are afraid of committing to another person, afraid that if they leave themselves open they will experience pain and/or loss of self. There is the fear that your mate may not be “the one” (what if someone better comes along?). There is the fear that love will fade, the initial attraction dissolves or each of the partners fall into stereotypical roles in the relationship. What if your partner devolves into an abuser or suffers health challenges that would scare anyone who might be left the eternal caretaker?

Atop the heap of fear of the endless unknown or expected possible negative outcomes is the fear promoted by witnessing the failed relationships all around you. Trust is the hardest thing to establish in a world where you are surrounded by unrequited love, infidelity, dishonesty, lies, physical or mental abuse, secret-keeping, addictions, embezzlement, con games, and a degree of evil lurking in the shadows seeking to break or destroy you. You have seen many relationships fail as most of them do, or witnessed the sacrificial martyrdom of one of the participants in a relationship to “make it work” and you don’t want that to happen to you. It’s no wonder you’re frightened about falling in love.

There Is No Such Thing as Love

Then there is the idea that there is no such thing as love, where people believe that love is nothing more than an ideal, thought process of tool used to get what you want in life. Let’s face it; society has trained us to believe love is a superficial means to an end. In this materialistic scenario there is no real connection between two people, instead one or both parties are shallow participants only focused on what they can get out of the relationship. When they fail to get what they want, or feel like they see a better deal on the horizon, they’re gone.

Don’t Want to Deal With It

No one wants a great deal of drama in their life, and if you’re in a close relationship with someone else (even if it’s not a romantic relationship) it can become problematic.
For the people who will avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, it’s easier just to bail out altogether. There is no sense of fighting for love, what is right or the greater good. Instead of thinking, “I’d rather fight than quit,” these folks are more likely to think it’s time to, “Cut my losses,” and walk away because it’s easier than dealing with the drama or facing their own inner issues (especially, if they think there is a potentially better relationship waiting in the wings).

The Broken Hearted

It is harder for one who has loved and lost due to having their heart severely broken or crushed than one who has not endured this type of pain. The broken hearted people have a great deal to work through before they can be truly ready to re-enter a love relationship, but they often seek to quickly replace the love that was lost by seeking out a new relationship, like a love band aid, to treat the wound, but this is only superficial treatment and will likely lead to the failure of the subsequent relationship. Others, out of fear, will avoid putting themselves at risk, ever again. So, the broken-hearted must heal their broken heart to have any hope of an effective love relationship.

The Uncompromising List

After a few go-rounds in the relationship department, you tend to accumulate a list of what you don’t want to see in future relationships based on your negative love observations and experiences. Unfortunately, if you focus on the negatives of past relationships, you are likely to attract more negatives in future relationships; it’s how the law of attraction works.

No matter how complete and comprehensive you list is, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to find anyone who can measure up to your standards.

Not that this is completely a bad idea. Instead of focusing on negatives, focus on the positives and make a list of only these qualities, like my soul mate list. You will be surprised at what may appear on love’s horizon.

Don’t See Eye to Eye

In this day and age, there is a preponderance of posturing for separation. Society promotes the polarization among people and also in relationships, which makes us all somewhat narcissistic as we care less and less about others and more and more about ourselves.

Even though you are separate people, you need to look for opportunities to find the common ground, which you can share together in the long run, while allowing each of you to maintain your independence, a sort of interdependence instead of codependency.

In a relationship between two people, there is so much to manage, prioritize and compromise to affect a successful and long lasting romantic relationship. It takes work, investment of resources (time, emotion and financial) and a commitment to work it out rather than bailing out.

Is Love Worth It?

This is a question you have to ask and answer for yourself.

I will always be ever the romantic, believing that love is the most powerful force in the universe and can conquer anything. Love is the highest and best vibration in the world.

Is love easy? No. Is life easy? No. If it was, where would be the excitement in that?

It’s better to work on your relationship in love, rather than not to have a love relationship to work on at all. It will take work, I believe it’s worth it.

If you believe, and are looking for a way to break through to the other side of your most amazing love adventure ever, call me.