Considering Unconditional Love

Take a man from Mars and a woman from Venus (thank you, John Gray) and shackle them together with a contract and public declarations of “love” in front of family, friends, and other witnesses and what you have is the perfect recipe for disaster. And so it goes, day in, day out, every day.

The only people coming out on top of this contractual agreement intact are those who profit from the marriage’s failure, the attorneys, the legal system, the retailers, therapists, purveyors of booze and drugs (legal and otherwise), domestic violence programs, and legal institutions, among others.

Few people actually enter into the marriage with the intent to end it all in a furious blaze, yet it happens every day, and if you’ve entered into the institution with a prenuptial agreement, this signifies the preamble to divorce, a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

As divorce rates skyrocket leaving couples previously “in love” at each other’s throats battling for their own independence and survival in the shambles of the relationship, with little thought of what might have been missing, the one thing that could have turned the tables. The secret to a wildly successful love relationship can only be considered by the strongest, most advanced humans among us.

If you are a powerful, enlightened being, you might think about entering into the realm of true love. Not the Hollywood-inspired love, but the highest level of love, which we refer to as unconditional love.

Most relationships are based on fear, not love. I marry you to meet my needs, needs that I am unable to meet on my own, or fear that I might not be able to sustain by myself. The fear of, “what ifs,” of the most impressive negatively-charged imagination, prevent any possibility of true love appearing anywhere on the horizon.

Fear is the reason relationships break down, the only hope of positively-inspired true love is in the embracing of unconditional love between two lovers, but it’s not for the weak at heart.

Without true love, there is a competitive battle for control or supremacy, which can only lead to the destruction of the relationship, where it is thought that there can be a winner and a loser, but when a relationship dissolves, no one wins, regardless of who possesses the most marbles.

Men who are not entitled to engage in unconditional love are those who are physically or emotionally abusive. Those who understand that love is much more than a source of physical intimacy, or having a helpmate, have a grasp of the idea that true love is centered on the heart-to-heart connection between two mates.

Women who are suspicious, interrogate, jump to conclusions, and are critical of their mates, are in the vibration of fear which is the polar opposite of true love and unconditional love is not within her reach.
In a relationship of unconditional love, the man (Martian) provides for the woman (Venusian) and environment where she can self-explore, grow, and expand to her highest potential, while the woman responds in kind with true love.

In a loving environment which is open and honest, men and women are free to admit their mistakes, shortcomings, and weaknesses in full disclosure, without judgment or disrespect. They learn not to just listen with their ears but with their hearts trying to fully understand what it might have been like for his/her mate.

Forgiveness, not defensiveness, justification, or false accusations, is the first order of business in unconditional love among both participants.

Cooperative unconditional love is the powerful force which fuels the most amazing relationship which can be shared between two people and trust bridges the gap between the two.

Love when fully embraced by both parties can heal all wounds, is the secret weapon which can overcome and obstacle or challenge they face together and offers them endless opportunities to grow and expand.

Unconditional love is counter-intuitive. It runs in opposition to everything you’ve been taught about love by society. Love is not a method to be used to get what you want. Love cannot be bridled and forced to fit any contrived mold. True love is free and ever-expanding.

There is hope for true love in the world today. You might dare to entertain the idea by attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop, to see if you have what it takes to engage in unconditional love.

I Love You, But

“I love you, but I don’t like” this, or that. Insert whatever tweaks your sensibilities. There is always some thing(s) you are not going to like about your partner. In fact, there are likely 10 of them. !0 things about your partner that just aren’t going to set right with you.

On the other hand, there are 10 things about your partner which you find absolutely fabulous. (If you’ve been with your partner for some time, they may be difficult to recall at the moment, but if you think back you can remember them.)

Because the truth is, every person has 10 amazing attributes and 10 things that are going to piss you off. This is the nature of people, none of us are perfect. It’s easy to see the 10 things you find so incredible about your partner in the beginning.

It is unlikely that you will be able to see the stuff you’d rather not see until after the honeymoon (Coupling) phase (2). Dr. John Gottmann (10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage) refers to your partner’s undesirable qualities as 10 Irreconcilable Differences.

10 Irreconcilable Differences

According to Gottman the areas you’re likely to have wildly opposing views are,

1. financial matters
2. sexual intimacy
3. child rearing
4. career vs. home
5. politics
6. friendships
7. household chores
8. extended family and in-laws
9. communication style
10. personal habits

When you start to notice these inconsistencies, you’re likely to assume you partner has been hiding them from you. Yet, if you think about it, you will realize this is not true, because people are generally transparent, and had you not been projecting your best ideals onto you partner at the time, you would have seen the clues, if not blatant red flags about these irreconcilable differences.

Back then, all you really cared about was celebrating the 10 qualities youo found so exhilarating about your partner. They were so exciting, and you were so enthusiastic, that those other things just didn’t matter at the time.

Now that you are seeing things more clearly (because you hadn’t taken notice of those 10 things that are now creeping you out), you’re starting to think it might be time to cut run, and you might begin to notice there are other potential partners out there who do not have these 10 things that are gonna rub you the wrong way. Only, guess what? (Brace yourself.)

While that new prospective mate may not have these 10 irreconcilable differences, the fact remains, he or she will bring along his or her own set of 10 things that are going to infuriate you, as well as 10 things you will adore.

What will you do?

It’s up to you to decide what you want to do about it. There’s really no right or wrong way to handle this moment. If it’s not the first time, you can reflect back on how your precious decision served you.

7 Phases of Love

In 90 percent of the time, when people have thought they could do better by ditching the present partner and switching to a new, more exciting partner, more often than not (as expressed to me in confidence) they regretted what they thought was a trade up.

What they realized was while the new partner was indeed exciting, complete with 10 new lovely qualities, he or she also came with 10 qualities which were often worse than the 10 irreconcilable differences that were traded out.

It’s impossible to see or imagine when you’re wrapped up in all the emotion of it, and you can only do what you can do, but when you realize you are where you are, take a minute and try to look at you and your relationship as if you were an uninterested (but compassionate) third-party.

What does it look like from this perspective?

What advice would you give to yourself?

Love and Marriage

Love is something that we all seek in many forms. Even if you thought that you didn’t want love, if you look at any desire you have for a person, place, thing, or ideal, chances are, beneath it all is love, the longing to love or be loved.

Love permeates all things and as elusive as it might appear, it is always there for you in unlimited volume and scope. Love is so pervasive it is hard to comprehend. Yet, we attempt to define it and put it in our cozy little boxes, but it is for more than you could ever conceive of.

Primal attempts to define love were based on feelings. If two people cared for each other more than they did other people, this was the definition of love.

The love between two people led to a pledging of love one for the other before family and friends. This couple was considered to be married.

The concept of marriage was promptly adopted and promoted by the church, and now we have the sacred bond of marriage.

Before science was a highly thought of concept, people were more likely to believe in magic and to them love appeared to be a magical spell that would overcome an otherwise mostly rational person, turning them into someone who might sacrifice all for the love of another. A cherub with a bow and arrow was blamed for the spell, his name was Cupid.

Courtship is the idea that represents a person who becomes enamored of another then exercises a series of socially accepted rituals to profess one’s affection for the other person in the hope of winning his or her heart.

Love is also considered a passionate sexual bond that exists between two people.

Upon this foundation, we have built revised concepts of love, such as the proliferation of the idea of the sacredness of marriage and its move from religious control to the government (which was a highly profitable move, indeed), though there is a waning of the acceptance of the marriage ideal in the current generation.

Prior to governmental control and profiteering of marriage, divorce was rarely an option. Since the introduction of legally sanctioned divorce and annulment, marriage has become an incredible financial resource for the powers that be.

Modern technology has greatly affected the courtship rituals as it has expanded with the use of mobile devices and social networking. Nonetheless, even though it has changed to adapt to the times, the courtship rituals have survived throughout the ages.