Love Comes When You Least Expect It

Even when the love manifestors are out there coaching us on how to flip the switch to make love appear in our lives (I know, I’m one of them), why is it that people still claim that love comes when you least expect it?

There’s one dominant reason that people declare love comes when you least expect it, because in most cases that’s the way it goes, even when you’re fervently working toward manifesting your perfect mate.

Getting matched-up with the person who truly is the perfect match for you is not something you want to rush.

Likely, if you’re in the process of finding the right person, especially if the reason is that you’ve selected the wrong person in the past or even a long succession of wrong people in the past, it’s because you’ve been doing it wrong.

It’s not that, “Your picker’s broken.” It’s more that you’re just not doing it right.

There are many reasons why we do it wrong which can be traced all the way back to your birth (and even before).

When you are deliberately and intentionally going about attracting or seeking your ultimate mate, now (hopefully) you’re going about it in a different way. Firstly, you have a better understanding of what you have to bring to a potential relationship.

The best love relationships come as the result of filling yourself with so much love and letting it spill over into the lives of those around you. True love starts with you.

You’ve realized that the way you went about it in the past did not serve you well, so you’re a little (or a lot) more particular about what’s going on inside your potential love interest.

There’s a good chance that in the past, you sort of jumped the gun and found yourself in a full-blown relationship due to premature infatuation. Your body and brain chemistry get triggered and the attraction faction takes over your ability to rationalize what’s happening.

This is a temporary condition. When the chemical reaction begins to subside, you wake up one morning, look over at the person sleeping next to you and ask yourself, “How’d I get myself into this mess?”

At that point, you either try to make the best of it or cut and run.

But when you’re cognizant, purposely and lovingly waiting, holding your own loving and sacred space for “the one,” it’s a whole different deal. You have your hormones in check. You’re aware of your tendency to make bad choices, and you’re more aware of what’s going on around you.

This state of increased awareness and alertness can actually be counterproductive in terms of the laws of attraction.

If you are exerting a great deal of effort and energy in trying to make your true love happen, it may actually produce an energy field which will prevent your beloved to be drawn to you.

It’s as if you are struggling against the current, or swimming upstream in an effort to find your true love, when true love is found in the releasing of energy. You cannot fight your way to true love (even though there are reports of people who have done so. I suspect this is a different kind of love. Even though it does appear to be sustainable over a period of time).

That’s why it appears that love comes when you least expect it.

Because you’re in the process of doing a lot of inner work while you are in the process of attracting your true love, there’s going to be a delay. You’re not going to exchange phone numbers with the first person that you’re attracted to this go-round. You realize this is not in your best interest.

So, it’s going to take longer than the hookups which you’re probably more accustomed to.

Once you’re aware of who you are and who would be best suited for you, there is a sense of urgency, seeking, and filtering process which you engage in, which is upstream activity. Not the best energy for attracting true love, though it can happen.

When you’re nearly ready to collapse from exhaustion (from all the upstream activity), you’re considering the withdrawal from all the “putting yourself out there,” you might want to hold off on deleting your profile.

It’s when you’ve released and let go of the angst and expectation, when you’ve given up, that the holy spirit is allowed to bring true love to you.

That’s why it looks like love comes when you least expect it.

You’ve walked away from the work of seeking love or trying to make love happen with all your best thinking and activity of the flesh.

True love is not an act of the flesh. True love is born of the heart in peaceful and overflowing abundance without any effort, as if floating downstream in love’s flow.

That’s when love comes; when you least expect it.

The Perfect Relationship

The perfect relationship looks like what?

If there were such a thing as the perfect relationship it would be the joining of two people who love unconditionally, honor, and respect each other fully for what they have in common, shared goals, individual goals, and passions, celebrating each other’s differences and helping each other do the deep inner work.

While the previous paragraph seems acceptable on the surface, it is a challenge which only the chosen few can even conceive of let alone accept or attempt to embrace.

Imagine what it might be like to love unconditionally. That means, “I love you no matter what.” No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I love you. Marianne Williamson calls it, “Love for no reason.” There is no, “I love you if…” for that is love for a reason. Unconditional love is just that: Unconditional.

When approached with the idea of authentic unconditional love, today’s contemporary independent thinking woman might immediately respond with a resounding, “Hell no.” and who could blame her? If that sounds like your first knee-jerk reaction to loving no matter what, realize that is your head talking. On the other hand, your heart might yearn for such a love. Consider listening to your heart, what does it say?

Don’t you long for someone to love you unconditionally, no matter what? Of course, you do. But for some reason (probably because you’ve had your heart broken in the past) you can’t imagine allowing yourself to be vulnerable to loving someone, like that, again.

How can you want what you’re unwilling to give? Because of a combination of unhealed emotional wounds from the past and the lack of self-love. I know, you feel like you love yourself well enough, but do you love yourself unconditionally?

Honoring and respecting what you and your partner have in common might be easy enough but truly embracing your partner’s differences, all of them, a lifetime of them, the good, the bad, the ugly… All of it, no matter what?

Remembering that you are, each of you, powerful individuals with your own unique and individual purpose, message, passion, and mission in life. Independently, you can live a better life, and make the world a better place, but together your efficacy can become more than the sum of its parts. Bound together in unconditional love your abilities are multiplied exponentially to live your best life together. Imagine the possibilities.

Supporting each other to do the deep inner work, in a sense mirroring your partner’s most tender sensitivities and challenges, can help to encourage the other to rise above his or her own demons, the deepest, most painful wounds hidden from life’s view.

This is the most difficult and messy work, and the person who is closest to you, the one with whom you share sacred space. The one who will not judge you when you are engulfed by your most vulnerable moments which may be full of a myriad of negative emotions. The one who will love you through this process “no matter what” can hold your hand and take you in loving embrace as you trudge through your deepest inner work.

This is the perfect person to be with, in your perfect relationship. Not a perfect person, by any means, for none of us is perfect, but perfectly matched for you, in all you share in common and everything that makes each of you, opposites. The one you can trust with the most intimate details of your life.

It takes a lifetime to learn all there is to know about yourself, who you really are, how you tick… In the perfect relationship, you could do this work in half the time, leaving you much more time in this life to make the world an even better place, together, hand-in-hand.

You can have your perfect relationship. Whether you transform your current relationship to your perfect relationship, or start from scratch, you can do this, if you dare.

Considering Unconditional Love

Take a man from Mars and a woman from Venus (thank you, John Gray) and shackle them together with a contract and public declarations of “love” in front of family, friends, and other witnesses and what you have is the perfect recipe for disaster. And so it goes, day in, day out, every day.

The only people coming out on top of this contractual agreement intact are those who profit from the marriage’s failure, the attorneys, the legal system, the retailers, therapists, purveyors of booze and drugs (legal and otherwise), domestic violence programs, and legal institutions, among others.

Few people actually enter into the marriage with the intent to end it all in a furious blaze, yet it happens every day, and if you’ve entered into the institution with a prenuptial agreement, this signifies the preamble to divorce, a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

As divorce rates skyrocket leaving couples previously “in love” at each other’s throats battling for their own independence and survival in the shambles of the relationship, with little thought of what might have been missing, the one thing that could have turned the tables. The secret to a wildly successful love relationship can only be considered by the strongest, most advanced humans among us.

If you are a powerful, enlightened being, you might think about entering into the realm of true love. Not the Hollywood-inspired love, but the highest level of love, which we refer to as unconditional love.

Most relationships are based on fear, not love. I marry you to meet my needs, needs that I am unable to meet on my own, or fear that I might not be able to sustain by myself. The fear of, “what ifs,” of the most impressive negatively-charged imagination, prevent any possibility of true love appearing anywhere on the horizon.

Fear is the reason relationships break down, the only hope of positively-inspired true love is in the embracing of unconditional love between two lovers, but it’s not for the weak at heart.

Without true love, there is a competitive battle for control or supremacy, which can only lead to the destruction of the relationship, where it is thought that there can be a winner and a loser, but when a relationship dissolves, no one wins, regardless of who possesses the most marbles.

Men who are not entitled to engage in unconditional love are those who are physically or emotionally abusive. Those who understand that love is much more than a source of physical intimacy, or having a helpmate, have a grasp of the idea that true love is centered on the heart-to-heart connection between two mates.

Women who are suspicious, interrogate, jump to conclusions, and are critical of their mates, are in the vibration of fear which is the polar opposite of true love and unconditional love is not within her reach.
In a relationship of unconditional love, the man (Martian) provides for the woman (Venusian) and environment where she can self-explore, grow, and expand to her highest potential, while the woman responds in kind with true love.

In a loving environment which is open and honest, men and women are free to admit their mistakes, shortcomings, and weaknesses in full disclosure, without judgment or disrespect. They learn not to just listen with their ears but with their hearts trying to fully understand what it might have been like for his/her mate.

Forgiveness, not defensiveness, justification, or false accusations, is the first order of business in unconditional love among both participants.

Cooperative unconditional love is the powerful force which fuels the most amazing relationship which can be shared between two people and trust bridges the gap between the two.

Love when fully embraced by both parties can heal all wounds, is the secret weapon which can overcome and obstacle or challenge they face together and offers them endless opportunities to grow and expand.

Unconditional love is counter-intuitive. It runs in opposition to everything you’ve been taught about love by society. Love is not a method to be used to get what you want. Love cannot be bridled and forced to fit any contrived mold. True love is free and ever-expanding.

There is hope for true love in the world today. You might dare to entertain the idea by attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop, to see if you have what it takes to engage in unconditional love.

Saying I’m Sorry

Saying, “I’m sorry,” is a way to smooth over any tricky situation between two people. Only, it’s become so commonplace it really has little meaning anymore. I am remembered when a young Sascha would hurt her younger brother, Aaron, while he was crying, she would say, “Sorry,” then giggle because she’d one-upped him, yet again.

I think it’s about time we returned the integrity befitting the genuine apology to bridge the gap which can appear between two people, who through no fault of their own, found themselves on opposite sides of a fence.

In contemporary society, when someone apologizes, it’s not uncommon for it to be followed by “but” which pretty much nullifies the apology.

Saying I'm sorry

Whether you forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or had a torrid affair, knowing how to authentically say, “I’m sorry,” with a degree of decorum and authentic open and honest remorse with a bit of repentance thrown in for flavor will likely earn you’re another chance and potential forgiveness.

If you’re expecting your partner to lend an ear to you, it’s best to start off with honoring and validating his or her perspective, even if it is not in harmony with yours. Understanding where he or she is coming from is an important part of creating the connection necessary to rebuild and repair the relationship, whether or not any actual crime was committed.

Empathy goes a long way in expressing that you know what it must feel like for your partner, what he or she must be feeling. Let him or her know how you might feel if the roles were reversed and you believed your partner had done the same thing you’ve done or are being accused of.

It’s not just enough to say I’m sorry, your apology must be associated with some demonstrative action, if you’re ever to have any hope of forgiveness. So, man-up (or woman-up) and pledge to make the future different by committing to do something on your partner’s behalf which will help to rectify or repair the damage. It doesn’t have to be a monumental promise, but something that moves you closer together, not further apart, and signifies your commitment and ability to change.

If you’re looking for forgiveness, practicing a little humility and asking for forgiveness will go a long way toward getting you from where you are to where you’d rather be. Clearly, it was not your intention to hurt or let down your partner, nonetheless, here we are, and your partner is feeling slighted or betrayed by you. A little validation, expression of your intention, and asking forgiveness could be as easy as, “I’m sorry. I understand how you feel. I never meant to hurt you. Could you forgive me?”

If you’re apologizing and asking for forgiveness, you will be looking for one of two positive responses, “Yes, thank you, and I forgive you.” Or, “Thank you for sharing, and I will need time to think about all of this. I will get back to you on that.”

Either of those responses will have you on the road to repair and rebuilding the relationship and recovery from your faux pas.

Keep this in mind if your partner comes to you, saying, “I’m sorry,” and asking for your forgiveness. When you forgive, do not badger your partner over past transgressions. Forgiveness requires your letting go of your partner’s transgression. If you do, you only increase the possibility of being disappointed or hurt again.

We all make mistakes. You have a far better chance of your relationship healing, growing and thriving by forgiving your partner and moving forward in love.

Every relationship is built between only two people. If one of the partners refuses to participate in the relationship, there is no relationship.

Expectations in Relationships

Being on the outside looking in at your relationship, you’re likely to see all the superficial things that appear to be contrary to the acceptable view of what a good relationship might look like. When you look at your relationship with your head instead of your heart, you can appear like two people contractually bound to each other, not unlike a prison confinement.

No one wants to be obligated to someone else by contractual agreement. If you’re with someone, and he or she is expecting you to perform or cater to their needs, wants, and desires, you would rather do it because you want to, not out of obligation or fear.

It’s natural to want to impose your expectations onto someone else. If you’re in a romantic relationship with someone with whom you would completely faithful, it’s natural to project your expectation of faithfulness on your partner. Seeing your partner through this filter of expectation can leave you feeling shocked by any indication that he or she may not be as faithful as you had expected.

People are vastly variant, and it is very rare that people will actually be on the same page at the same time, if ever. But you can establish common ground by open communication, sharing and caring, and having a clear understanding of each other and full knowledge about where each of you is.

Deliver the death-blow to any budding relationship by imposing expectations garnered from previous relationships onto your current one. For instance, if your previous partner massaged your feet before going to bed, don’t expect this to come naturally to your new partner. On the other side of the coin, if your previous partner betrayed you, it doesn’t mean your current partner will follow in kind. Everyone is different, and if you have negative expectations, your energetic attention to these details and their red flags may become a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Disappointment and hurt feelings are the rewards for imposed expectations. When you are feeling as though your partner has betrayed you (not met your expectations) it may be time for a heart-to-heart conversation. Note that while people are vastly different, they also change over time, and something that your partner may have done for you in the past, he or she may have outgrown. This type of open communication and renegotiation is something that must be conducted over time, any time you think your partner may have acted in some way that you didn’t expect.

Just because you thought someone was going to act/think/believe/be a certain way, doesn’t mean they are the way you perceived them to be. Even if you’ve agreed and pledged to treat each other in certain ways, this does not consider the potential for growth, change, or evolution.

Growth necessitates change, and if anything is constant in life, change is. The best way you can position yourself in an ever-changing world is to embrace change and to find a way to accept change when the time for it has come.

Your expectation to know certain things about your partner may both say something about your underlying need to know or have proof of something, and if your partner is feeling the need to not disclose something may say something significant about him or her. All this points toward a need to have a potentially difficult conversation to maintain a healthy couple connection.

Who knows?

If you are able to manage having a realistic relationship, accepting the potential for growth and change, without unreasonable expectations, you may find yourself entering new territory. The territory which leads to awakening to true love, unconditional love, if you dare.

You Never Do Love Wrong

When you’re in love, everything is connected and perfect. Nothing bad happens. You never do anything wrong, and everything happens at the right time, even if it doesn’t look or feel like it at the time.

Your love life, as challenging as it might be, is perfect in every way. You might not be able to see it from your current vantage point if you are young, or do not have a long succession of love experiences to evaluate, but there is nothing wrong with you or your love life.

It’s easy to look at the past, or your current love cycle, and feel like your love life is a complete failure, or feel like giving up on love at all, because of some enormous loss or crisis. It’s no surprise that many of us suffer from different forms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from falling in love.

Even when you feel everything goes wrong and is not working out the way you had planned, you let the current state of affairs overwhelm you, when in reality something far more divine is at work. God is readjusting your life for a far better life which is waiting for you.

When you are on a path which is far from where you need to be to have access to all the best things in life, then it takes a massive change to put you in the proximity of all that awaits your arrival. God, your angels, even your higher-self knows this, but it’s so hard to see from your vantage point fighting your battle for survival on the front lines of everyday life.

Even when your plans are not going the way you want, I am reminded of a wife who wanted desperately to leave her husband but was unable to break free. She spent many years planning to leave but (for whatever reasons) was unable to execute her plan. She spent two years feeling as if she’d let herself down, subjecting herself to self-inflicted abuse.

Then, she was hit by personal tragedy, which after taking care of details, the crisis was dealt with, the relationship dissolved itself, and she obtained the independence she sought, in even greater detail and abundance than she could have imagined two years earlier. Now, she enjoys the life she longed for.

There was a higher agenda, a better plan. Had she only been able to see it, she could have relaxed, even enjoyed the ride, until everything fell into place in the most divine manner. Could you agree, that even if she could have not been able to see it, she might have been far better off, relaxing and allowing the desires of her heart to unfurl naturally, the way God intended?

Often, when you resist God’s ability to navigate for you, your resistance not only delays arriving at what you want, you may find yourself headed in the opposite direction, initiating a full difficult set of life circumstances, which could include dire results, followed by a period of recalibration to get your life back on track.

Regardless of whatever apparent complexity in romance is presenting itself to you, know that nothing happens by accident or coincidence and every frustration, challenge, or upset is training you for a future opportunity or redirecting your path for a far better outcome.

Resistance will only hinder your progress and possibly cause you unnecessary delay, pain, or suffering.

No need to worry about how things are going, everything has led to this moment, and after all, love is all there is.

Relax, and go with the flow of love, without regrets, only gratitude, and even more love.

See: Love’s Prayer for You

My Partner’s Ex Keeps Coming Up

My friend comes to me and says, “Here we go again,” he exerts frustratingly, “My girlfriend keeps talking about her ex.” If you’ve been in a serious long-term relationship, and are meeting someone who has also, you might find yourself proclaiming, “My partner’s ex keeps coming up.”

Even though fashion magazines and tabloids proclaim that talking about one’s ex is one of many red flags, more often than not, this is not as bad as it looks on the surface. It could be good therapy. Maybe your partner is just working out the details of that past relationship so that he or she can move on healthfully with you.

Your partner’s talking about his or her ex cannot just be either disregarded or seen as a threat to your new potential relationship. If you are prone to jealousy, then you might jump to the red flag conspiracy theory, otherwise it’s good to keep an open mind to see if you can assist your partner in unloading a little sensitive psychological baggage as you prepare for your potential journey together.

Sometimes all your partner needs to do is to release some of the pent-up psychological pressure from his or her past relationship. If this is the case, you can feel good about your partner trusting you with this sensitive data.

A sociopath, on the other hand, will use the talking-about-your-ex method of keeping you off-kilter and if you’re not joining-in the ex-bashing or ex-edification, then he or she might ask you about your ex to get you to participate. Then, later, when you express your concerns about him or her talking about their ex all the time, they’ll point out that you talk about your ex all the time, too. (In the mind of the sociopath, it doesn’t matter whether they asked you about it, or not. It’s just one of their clever tactics of pre-disarmament.)

Whether or not your partner has good or bad intentions, by all means, speak up and tell him or her how you feel about talking about his or her ex. Your partner is not a mind reader and might be assuming that you are as concerned about his or her resolving any issues from past relationships to have greater potential with you.

You will never know, unless you have this conversation. (Even then, there’s a 10 percent chance that it will be a clever manipulation, and there’s no way to know for certain, until later.)

It’s best to be open, and not made jealous or offended easily. Seek first to understand, then empathetically try to put yourself in his or her shoes. How would you feel?

Healthy relationships are all about being open and honest, give-and-take, and maintaining a healthy balance. If you’re jumping to emotional judgment, or looking for red flags in an effort to defend yourself, maybe it’s time for a little self-examination.

If your partner is pushing your buttons, that is to say, he or she is doing something that makes you upset or rubs you the wrong way, it is highly likely that its not your partner who is at fault. He or she is just awakening a weakness by way of activating a trigger which is activating an emotional wound from your past.

Instead of accusing your partner of something, be open and honest by telling him or her how this makes you feel, then, if you are wise, you look within and ask yourself, “Why?” There’s a good chance you will find something hiding deep inside you protesting too much because of a wound from the past.

In my friend’s case, he had been in a relationship with a woman who left him to return to her ex. This wound was activated when his new girlfriend talked about her ex. He was triggered, and thought, “Here we go again,” because it seemed similar to his past experience, which had not turned out the way he would have liked.

All relationships are different, and just because something is similar, does not mean it’s the same thing.

In the end, it’s up to you. You have to decide whether you can live in a relationship where your partner’s ex keeps coming up, whether it’s comparing you, complaining, or uplifting. Whether you can negotiate a compromise, or resolve the conflict between each other, or within yourself.

Whatever you decide is right for you.

Infectious Toxicity in Relationships

Some people will drain the life out of you, like energy vampires. Others will introduce infectious toxicity in relationships in and about your life. Every so often you need to do a bit of social housecleaning to preserve your personal sacred space.

You never have to subject yourself to the toxicity of others, and their toxicity can take many subtle forms. Sometimes you just have to let them go. It’s all part of your personal growth process.

Keep in mind that some of the toxic people in your life are not maliciously toxic. Often people are not intentionally toxic, it is merely their unconscious state of being, and they are unable to help themselves as they are infected with the poison of toxicity.

This is common among victims of abuse. In an effort to protect themselves from being abused, they more often than not take on the very thing which they fear, and this cannot help but be felt by others who are within their proximity.

They will unintentionally subtly victimize others unbeknownst to their conscious mind as a twisted form of self-preservation.

If they’ve trusted and been betrayed, and have been infected, they will be unable to trust you. They will harden their heart, and you will find yourself having to jump through hoops to prove your trustworthiness. If the infection by their abuser was severe, they may not be able to be trusted themselves as the poison courses through their veins.

Forget about helping someone in this condition, you will never be able to love them through this phase of life. Without trust, there is no love. It will take a profound epiphany and awakening for this person to break free from the disease and it is a mission that only he or she can take on en solo. All you can do is to walk away and let them find their own way, or not. Their mission is not yours.

You cannot love anyone enough to make someone love you. Love without trust leads to toxic false accusations and abuse. They cannot love in this condition, only maintain high levels of suspicion and manipulation. Their distrust can be so pervasive you can even start to question your own trustworthiness. You are never obligated to compromise your own psychological well-being for the benefit of someone else’s dysfunction.

As much as they pressure and attack you, know this, is not about you at all. It’s about them, and the trauma they’ve endured in their past. Their fear will project that which they fear onto you as they continue to morph into that which they despise.

You may honestly and truly love this person, but they will only drag you down as you are infected with their disease, until you are just as broken and vile as he or she is, if you tarry for very long.

Their fear will filter and twist your words and deeds to use them as weapons against you. No matter how hard you try to help them, show them compassion, or accommodate them, their needs, wants, and desires, you will never be good enough for them.

They will control any attempt to conduct a conversation, over-talking and not letting you get a word in edgewise. It’s all about them, and you are merely a distraction, except for any supply you can provide to this borderline narcissist.

Your attempts to reason with them will only run round-and-round in circles with you wondering what the hell is happening. The more you talk, the more words he or she will have to use against you.

They will assert how good a person they are, while they continue to put others down, and they’re likely not to hold up to their part of the bargain when you agree upon a reasonable compromise. When they insult you or put you down, it makes them feel better about themselves and creates an air of superiority.

Even if they are a genuine empathetic human being, while they are jacked-up on distrust and suspicion while infected with this disease, they cannot muster empathy when upset and they will only see despicable flaws and danger in you. And if you dare misstep or make a mistake, do not expect to be forgiven, even if he or she utters the words, as your faux pas will just be more fuel for their vile dysfunction.

If you act trustworthy, you deserve to be treated in a trustworthy manner. If not, it is on you to change your circumstance. If they cannot have faith in you, find a way to preserve your sacred space and free yourself from their toxicity less you be infected by the disease yourself.

Do not despise, allow yourself to feel angry, become defensive, or hate this person for being infected with this disease, they cannot help it. If you cannot contain yourself and look upon their condition with compassion, then you may have already been infected with the disease.

Finding a safe place to be, free from the influence of this person is the best thing you can do for yourself, and for the victim of the infection. Only in solitude will this person be able to see their poison and find the wherewithal to heal themselves from what ails them.

You are love. You need to preserve and nurture your love yourself. You deserve to have your love reflected back to you from others who are able to do so.

Continue to love and bless others and allow them to find their own way, or not.

Make Someone Love You

As much as you love someone, you can never love them enough to make them love you. Someone will either love you or they won’t. You will be able to trust them, or you won’t. They will either stay, or they will leave and no matter how much you love them, you cannot make someone love you back.

Since people have been exchanging love one to another, unrequited love has been an issue. It’s nothing new, and it’s not likely to change any day soon.

The False Accusation Breakup

There is a growing trend of demonization that is becoming more commonplace in the breakup process. When someone is secretly planning a breakup, they start collecting words and phrases uttered by you dating back to the origination of your relationship.

Data will likely include decisions you made or actions you’ve taken, which all can be spun into wild false accusations which would make others, possibly even yourself, question your capacity for love or sanity, which could be considered as abusive.

The false accusation breakup model is designed to hurt you and make you feel better about this person’s departure.

Until recently, this was a psychological tool utilized by psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. Today, this is more common in our contemporary culture. When something invades popular culture, like this, there is little you can do about it, so until this method runs its course, try not to take it personally (though nothing could be more personal than a personal attack focused on you and your integrity).

Your attacker (the person breaking it off with you) has had plenty of time to prepare, and there is no way for you to compete or respond appropriately to each and every accusation, which will be voluminous.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of such an attack, your best move is just to listen, try not to let yourself be offended by all the accusations, and just let him or her air all their issues. Try to listen and interject with the, “Oh, I’m sorry,” or, “I didn’t realize that.”

The key is not to become offended or defensive about these exaggerated charges against you. This whole process is far less about you than it is meant to appear.

Your accuser has already left and has likely already made plans that do not include you. He or she has already left, and this particular act of demonizing you is his or her way of justifying their recent actions and final disconnection.

Any attempt to reason with someone who is unjustly rapid-firing a long list of false accusations will only delay the false accusation breakup performance and its ultimate outcome. So, just let them do what they have to do, and let them go.

Will it be painful? Yes, it will because you’ve been blindsided. You didn’t see this coming and it’s shocking when it happens. And because this break-up method is becoming more and more popular, you’re likely to encounter it more than once.

Remember that when someone is done with you, they are done. When they’ve initiated your crucifixion on their own, acting as accuser, judge, and jury. There is nothing you can do about it but delay the inevitable.

You cannot make someone love you, who has already left and disconnected from you. He or she may return later after they have put you through this and accomplished whatever it was that motivated them to do this to you.

If he or she returns, you have to seriously ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to align yourself with. There is the likelihood that you will have to suffer this again in the future, and it will be worse the next time.

No one can make this decision for you. This is something you have to work out for yourself and whatever you decide will be right for you, because all things work out for good, even if it looks unlikely at the time.

So, see it for what it is, and let him or her say whatever is necessary to justify him-or-her-self. Let them go and remember,

You cannot make someone love you.

A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson

Sometimes you run across a book which is so timelessly written that it is inspirational at all times. Every time you revisit it, new revelations appear via changes in your own evolution. Such a book is A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.

While the basis of Williamson’s work is based on a Course in Miracles, don’t let that inhibit your potential to gain access to her intuitive interpretations of the course’s material.

The Jewish author who is well-educated and incredibly intelligent details her breakthrough to love via the course’s materials. A Return to Love awakens and inspires all its readers of the possibilities which avail themselves to us, if we only believe, see, and refuse to deceive, ourselves and others.

If you know what it’s like to run into a relationship only to find that heartbreak and discontent are the rewards for your daring to take a chance for love, Williamson’s book will offer inspiration and hope, while challenging your base beliefs which fail to serve you in any authentic manner.

Williamson is transparent about her own experiences and relationships as she bears all to the reader in a smart and honest manner, delineating her own failed attempts at looking for love in all the wrong places.

If you are willing to embrace the material, you can separate yourself from your ego and bask in the presence of your empowered personal freedom. Loving and caring for yourself and allowing this love to expand and envelop not just potential suitors, but anyone that comes within a stone’s throw of you.

If you choose, you could let go of your critical view of others and insecurities which set you and your partner up for a tragic failure. At one moment you can be flying high “in love,” only to leave behind a smoldering crash site.

I applaud Williamson’s daring to challenge readers to consider the idea of entertaining the idea of unconditional love, a primarily unpopular point of view these days in a world overpopulated by wounded victims of Hollywood-inspired love.

Yet, if you dare to choose to love unconditionally, you are rewarded by an unrestrained peace, harmony, and love which spreads across the expanse of your life.

Relationships provide us with opportunities to see those pieces of us which lay hidden within our psyches, tucked away, and preventing us from becoming our highest selves. Understanding this creates a new perspective on all relationships, even – and more importantly – romantic relationships.

Romantic relationships allow us to be naked, not physically so much as emotionally. As you stand before your mate emotionally exposed, those hidden parts of you rise to the surface, and you can become aware of what stands between you and your greatest love.

From this perspective, if you are triggered by your loved one, it is not an assault; it is an invocation to look deep inside and an opportunity to grow and change. This is the miracle of true love.

Approaching love with a divine combination of humility, love of yourself, and passionate love, without judging others or usurping power or ideals over your mate, ushers in the basis of unconditional love, “I love you no matter what,” in contrast to, “I love you if…”

Marianne Williamson’s prayer for impending love goes something, like this:

“Dear God, You know and I know, I have more potential for neurosis in this area than in any other.

Please take my attraction, my thoughts and feelings about this person and use them for your purposes.

Let this relationship unfold according to Your will.

Amen.” ~ Marianne Williamson

For more information see: A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson