Tag: love and relationships

Love and Money

You’re in love and you must deal with the issue of money in your relationship because as we all know, according to attorneys, money issues are the number one reason that relationships fail.

When should you talk about money in a relationship? Well, certainly not on the first date, but as soon as you are pretty sure it looks like love is in the air and you’re going to be moving into a relationship, “let’s talk about money.” The sooner, the better; within, say, the first two or three months.

If you’re already in a relationship, the time to talk about money is now.

What should you talk about?

Over the course of your life, you have developed certain beliefs and ideas about money which are deeply entrenched in you. For instance, you either believe that money I generally in short supply and there is not enough of it to go around, or that money is energy, comes quickly and easily and is in abundant supply.

Beyond those, you might ask, “What kind of money person am I?” unless you already know, and what type of money person is your partner? You needn’t be of the same money type to have a successful relationship. In fact, it is likely that you will have a higher quality long-standing love affair with someone who is unlike you in terms of their money type.

Understanding this, and being respectful of your partner’s belief systems, you are ready to go to the next level of the money talk, which means being open and honest and disclosing your financial affairs.

It’s not uncommon for one or both parties to bring some debt to the table. This should not be a surprise. Full disclosure is important, or else it will be the focal point of conflict in your relationship which could have been avoided.

The largest debt coming into a relationship which can cripple a couple’s potential is student loan debt which can be 50 to 100 thousand dollars or more and can be manageable. So, get it out on the table and discuss it. There are some creative ways to deal with student loan debt, like student loan consolidation (look around, resources are available, such as www.consolidatecollege.com).

Another debt which is usually visited upon a new relationship (or a periodic challenge in an ongoing relationship) is that of credit card debt. It’s easy, depending on your money type, to rack up a sizeable amount of credit card debt. It creeps up on you and can quickly spin out of control becoming unmanageable. Non-profit and for-fee agencies are available to assist in consolidating your credit card debt so that you can get a handle on it.

What’s my credit score?

You should know. When you’re talking about getting serious get to know your credit score, and your partner should know about his or her credit score also. Each party should be responsible for his/her own credit maintenance. You don’t want to wait until you go to buy something to find out your credit score is lacking or has been compromised; then it’s too late. Stay on top of it. There are many online resources, some are free (or say that they are free, then lure you into a subscription, so be careful), some are fee-based. Find one that is suitable for your situation.

Be Proactive

By all means, do not avoid talking about money issues. Find ways to engage talking about money issues. Make watching a regular TV show about money issues, then talk about what caught your attention. Pick a book about money issues and read through it together, talking about it chapter by chapter, honor your love and your relationship by going through this process, even if it’s uncomfortable, but do something… anything! Don’t let this issue of money be the undoing of your relationship.

See: Money Types in Love

Why Do Opposites Attract?

When you met, you thought you had so much in common, as you spend more and more time together you discover you have less and less in common. As a matter of fact, the more you think about it… You and he/she are total opposites. You’re feeling the urge to cut and run, and your friends are, like, “Hell yeah.” You can’t help but wonder, “Why do opposites attract?”

So much attention is focused on trying to find similarities in relationships these days that the idea of celebrating the differences would seem ludicrous at best.

In the most successful relationships (not the most manageable or easiest couplings) partners play off each other and the more different you are, the more potential for growth and expansion together.

After having unsuccessfully finding yourself engaged in a relationship with an opposite, you might think, “Who would sign up for that?” I mean, it’s a full-on cluster… and regardless of how tragic it may have been, you’re likely to say (if not now, then later), “but the good times were really good.”

It’s these good times that are indicators of something far superior in the realm of possibilities in the not too far distant future if you’re willing to do the work.

You might think that being a pair of lovebirds would be far superior to being a hawk and a prairie dog trying to manage a relationship. A pair of lovebirds can only expect to experience a certain degree of excitement or growth due to their similarities while the opposites can celebrate their differences, and have the most exciting opportunities for evolutionary advancement in the perfect push/pull balance.

These differences substantiate the idea that your partner should be a mirror for you to reflect who you really are. This feels like an insult or assault, at first, until you look inside and find that your response is tied to an aspect of you, hidden deep within, which is looking for resolution.

“But,” you interrupt, “We’re just too different.”

The fact that you’re in this relationship of opposites is in divine order. This is your opportunity to really move your love and your life to the next level.

If so, you ask,

“How could we possibly get along?”

It’s not easy. It’s a challenge, an opportunity, and a blessing. Your opposite person is the perfect person to help you expand and grow into the highest and best version of yourself. In order to do so, you must be willing to put forth some effort in getting to know your opposite, what makes him or her tick, what sets them off and what makes them connect deeply and be willing to open themselves fully, bearing all of their vulnerabilities, while having faith that you will protect him or her throughout this process. And the same goes for you.

One of you may be loud, the other quiet. One of you seeks the limelight, the other the safety of blending into the audience. One might like to go out, the other more likely to want to stay in. While this couple would be an all-out train wreck in social circles, singles sites, and matchmakers, these two have the makings of the most magnificent marriage.

Why Do Opposites Attract?

We don’t just get to be the way we are overnight. No, we are the result of a lifetime of trial and error. When you were very young, a baby, you either learned that being loud was the way to get the attention you sought, or you discovered that being quiet provided you with your desired response, and so your personality and relationship skills grow from there, making you the kind of person you are today.

You are attracted to the type of person who would complete you, who can assist you in resolving the issues of your past, and find that higher form of love which was in you before you were born, that divinely powerful and unfailing love for yourself and others. The perfect person for you to go on this journey with would be quite unlike you, if not your total opposite. The highest version of you will attract this type of mate because it longs to evolve in truth and love.

Everything is energy, and energy can be expressed and manipulated either by being amplified or constricted, as exemplified in extroverts or introverts.

Even though you are an amazing person, just the way you are, can you say you have achieved your highest and best? Could a better life be waiting for you?

Celebrating your differences and creating sacred relational space for your opposite to thrive (or retreat to) comes from being open, aware, vulnerable and compassionate. Yes, it’s a give-and-take, and make room for a bit of stress or strain, for nothing amazingly magnificent comes from no effort, no commitment, no discomfort, no work.

By aligning yourself with an opposite and moving forward, you begin to realize that what appeared to be problematic obstacles, were really only the catalyst for creative tension leading the way to evolutionary expansion.

Over time, as you both experience metamorphosis throughout the tenure of your relationship, you do find yourselves in a synchronous relationship in harmony, deeper love, connection, and intimacy, if you continue to do the work.

Here you are, on the brink of utter amazing possibilities and you feel like breaking weak and turning tail to run in the opposite direction, which what you really should do is to draw closer, closer, and even more closer because you really do want the best this life has to offer.

Sure, you could settle for easy or doable, but something inside you wants something more than mediocrity in this life.

If your relationship looks like a disaster in the making, think about it and search inside, and ask yourself,

“Is this potentially your best hook up ever?”

So, buckle up buttercup, because you’re in for the ride of your life if you dare to take on embracing your opposite and forging your new path together into a glorious future which lies ahead.

Non-compatibility in Relationships

What are you looking for in an authentic, loving, romantic partner?

You might be surprised to find out what you’re really looking for is the love that you feel like you didn’t receive from your (usually opposite sex) parent, and on a deeper level the love we seek is that akin to the love we felt prior to being born.

On the surface, a quick overview of your search for love and the people you align yourself with might have you thinking you’re always attracting the wrong kind or person, that people change after you get to know them better, and that you often discover that while you thought you had so much in common in the beginning, the two of you are complete opposites.

Your friends might try to console you with, “Not to worry. It’s just that your picker is broken,” reinforcing the idea that you unbeknownst to you are unconsciously selecting bad apples from the barrel.

But,

What if…?

What if everything is in divine order and the type of person you’re attracted is exactly the type of person you need in your life to complete your personal cycle of love, to heal from the love seeking you did as a child, and to evolve into a far greater lover, expanding your horizons and moving to the next level of enlightened love?

What if the people you’re attracting, who appear to be completely incompatible are actually the perfect person you need in your life to bring out the very best in you?

And if this were true, you would be the same for him or her, just as they are for you; the key to unlock your highest and best.

Emotional wounds from childhood leave you wanting the love you failed to receive in your youth in adulthood. You don’t know why you’re attracting someone similar to your parents but this is exactly what you need to make it right, heal those old wounds, to receive the love that you desire and deserve.

In this present age, we focus so much on compatibility, which is terribly convenient in exercising a relationship where the value of growth and change seems difficult or like too much work to bother with. The more alike you are, easier it is to get along, live together and appreciate each other.

It sounds like a dream come true compared to your past experiences where you’ve thought that you were with the wrong person and just could not find a way to make it work out for you or your partner, and if you could, the cost would just be too great.

True love, the love that comes from above, dwells within us but it is hidden beneath a cloud of bad feelings, let downs, and life experiences through which we could barely know it is there, if at all.

You try so hard to love in an authentic way, the way you long to be loved, but you feel unworthy, are confident that you will fall short, so you sabotage your relationship, allow it to fail, in an effort to keep yourself safe from exposing too much of yourself, as an act of self-preservation. This disengagement is a source of great anxiety within you.

Love’s connection with another person is a part of who we are. This connection one-to-another in an authentic intimate relationship is what we seek as we try to recapture the pure love we felt prior to birth. To be suddenly aware of the separation and unable to make it work, could leave one feeling as though true love is not possible.

If it is your destiny to find this evasive love, and if it is the only reason you have come here to live your life on this planet, then you might even think that life itself may not be worth living at all.

In this way, life and love are deeply embedded in us as humans. It is difficult to separate one from the other (though many of us choose to maintain this separation, ignoring the true love component our life’s work).

In human form, there is no way to manifest the original true connected love we experienced prior to birth but we can come very close if we are willing to learn and grow, leaving behind the shadows from our past and move on into the light of love.

Unless you settle for compatibility as your only criteria for selecting your life mate, you will continue to be offered the opportunity to meet the exact type of people who can assist you on this sacred journey of love and life.

Lasting Love Secret Ingredient

While trust is the most important foundational component of a successful love relationship, there is a secret ingredient in the chemistry of love which effectively predicts the long-lasting nature of a growing love relationship between two people.

If you want to have a great love that will last the test of time you must possess tolerance. Tolerance is the acceptance that we are all in a constant state of change. Just as you desire people (more specifically your partner) to love and accept you, wherever you are in your station of life, you must have both the willingness and the ability to love and accept your partner, whatever state or condition he or she is in at any time.

This is not a ploy or a game to manipulate your relationship, authentically loving and acceptance can only initiate in the heart space, and as you may have guessed the love and acceptance must start with you. You are a vibrational being vibrating at a specific frequency, you cannot give what you do not possess for yourself. So to truly be tolerant, you must first fully love and accept yourself, your history, your physiological makeup, everything about you, on the surface and deep within.

You must be in love with and full acceptance of you, your ever-changing emotional (at time unflattering) states, such as sadness, anger, and fear. You must be aware and know your ego and your relationship with it.

From this authentic place of loving and accepting yourself, aligning you as a person with that greater and higher part of you, or spirit, you can bestow love and acceptance to others from the heart with integrity. You are now able to better become one with the world, or the people who inhabit it, both paired and universally.

 

That sets the bar high but you have been called to this level of love and understanding as part of your metamorphosis and evolution, otherwise, you will have continued difficulty in connecting and communicating with your partner(s), especially when things are less than buoyant.

This concept is not so far removed from you that you cannot comprehend it because you yearn for this love and acceptance yourself. You want to be loved just the way you are without being judged or made fun of. Isn’t that right?

Then, embracing yourself, then allowing others to be as they are, while you love and accept them, just as you would like to be, is the next logical step.

While this applies to you, how much more so should this apply to the one other person who you love, and who loves you in return?

When your partner does or says something that makes you feel intolerant, as if he or she did or said something wrong, disrespectful, uncaring or even hurt your feelings. The first place to look, is not at your partner, but within. This is a surefire indicator that you have unresolved issues bubbling up inside of you, from the past, most likely from the distant past, which has been brewing and gaining pressure over time, looking for a place to escape.

While lashing out at your partner is an effective way to release the pressure, not only is it unglamorous, but you are better than that. You deserve better reducing your relationships to varying states of love and fear. You deserve relief and release of those things within that hold you back and drive a wedge between you and someone you love.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t have a safe, sacred space to fully express your thoughts and emotions, even if they are negative)

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

 

 

It’s Time for Me to Leave My Partner

Yes, no doubt, you’re feeling like you can’t take one more minute and that, “It’s time for me to leave my partner.” It may be well to call it quits if your relationship is completely dysfunctional and filled with abuse, then, by all means, you have to do what you have to do. But you might be jumping the gun if you feel like your connection is waning, you’re feeling like you have less and less in common every day, you’re feeling like you and your partner are growing apart on different paths, and if you’re just not feeling the love anymore, then you might be thinking, “It’s time for me to leave my partner.”

When nothing could be further from the truth.

In most cases, when two people are feeling like they are growing apart and feeling like calling it quits, this could be the worst thing you could do, if you are on an expansive path of personal growth and/or a progressive spiritual journey.

On the surface, that sounds whacked, but you must know that this feeling between two people is a marker, a huge blinking neon sign that begs you to, “Dare to Love More!” This feeling is the gateway through which you must pass to make it to the next level in your love vibration.

It is very likely that you and your partner are not as far apart as you might think, only that you are expressing yourselves in different ways, which should be celebrated, not eradicated.

Sure, your growth and expansion may look different, but you are both growing, changing, and expanding together, even though you might be using different distinctions, words, and phrases in an effort to communicate your expansion one to the other.

Let’s say the woman loves to practice meditation and yoga, while the man would rather play a team sport and also engage in watching team sports on television. You might think this to be an incredible mismatch.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Even though the symptoms look quite different, and the words and phrases sound very different, both members of this relationship can actually be growing in spirit and truth even though it looks quite different.

You might be surprised to know that team sports are very spiritual, and when athletes are engaged in team sports, they often get themselves into a spiritual state commonly referred to as “The Zone.” In this state, the brains of the teammates can co-create, communicate and access source energy, not unlike one might in meditation, prayer or in a group spiritual practice. This state of spiritual elevation is the same, though it looks very different, and it was accessed in very different ways.

When you are feeling as though things are getting difficult, or not feeling right, this is a clear indication not to look at your mate, to blame your partner, or look at your relationship as deteriorating. No, this is your sacred challenge to look inside yourself and realize this is a divine invitation to dare to love more and expand yourself.

If you feel as though your partner is annoying you, or up to no good, ask yourself why you feel that way?

The highest form of love is unconditional love, which usurps, “I love you no matter what.” Could you dare to entertain the idea of loving your partner unconditionally? This is your true calling. This is what this life is all about.

But it doesn’t start with your partner. In fact, it has nothing to do with your partner at all, except for your partner is provided to you as a tool, a mirror, reflecting back those areas where you have unresolved issues with you. Again,

Why do I feel that way?

Why does this or that drive you crazy?

If you’re doing meditation and yoga, it’s because this is necessary for you to grow and expand. It is clear that your partner doesn’t need to do those things. Your partner is managing his or her growth and expansion in a completely different way, and that’s okay.

It’s likely your partner has been trying to tell you this over a period of time but you’ve been able to understand him or her due to the variance in vocabulary. It’s as if you’re saying the same thing but in different languages, it’s no wonder it was difficult for you to understand, though the misunderstanding is understandable.

Maybe it’s time to listen with your heart and not be so quick to pass judgment. In fact, to do so would be hypocrisy. No one path is more right or wrong than another, and to suggest that your partner must grow, expand and express him or herself in the same manner as you is nothing less than spiritual arrogance.

There are many ways to achieve connection, you must allow everyone to find their own way and not condemn them for doing it in the manner which suits them best at any particular time and place.

Your divine mission of love is to love yourself first, then to the degree that you are able to love yourself, you can love others. You must love yourself for who you are, all your weakness, idiosyncrasies, all your missteps, and failure, as well as all your gifts, talents, and strengths.

Your challenge is to grow in love, to love yourself unconditionally, then, and only then, will you be able to love your partner, and others unconditionally.

You love, and allow them to be free, free to be whoever they may be, freely expressing themselves in the world which is perfect and different for each and every human being on this planet.

If you dare.

Private Investigations Behind the Scenes

I have a client who is a private investigator. He has seen and heard it all. Even though he’s seen, heard, documented and recorded things which are normally unheard or unseen, in many cases, he has no idea what part the data he’s collected plays in the overall scope of the situation at hand, or what’s going on inside the heads of the players.

Private investigations is a fascinating line of work, but it takes a special type of person to stay in this line of work for very long. My client does a very good job of not taking anything personally, or engaging in any hypotheses about what the data he’s collected means. His function is only to collect data and report it.

While his work is not as glamorous as what might be depicted in books, movies, and teleplays, he does have quite an array of gadgetry to assist his surveillance efforts. He has told me about some of them, and they sound quite effective. This is the kind of information that anyone who is even slightly paranoid does not want to hear. Even my mind followed the train of thought which considered if this person has tools like that, what must the government have?

His business is focused on three main target markets, insurance, family, and business. It is not uncommon for his data collection to radically change the lives of those who have either retained his services and/or those who have been the subjects of his work. Even so, he is able to keep his mind from wandering or extrapolating any information he might gather, to him it is only data.

I have always been fascinated by people’s different perspectives and points of view. What might mean one thing to one person might have a completely different meaning for someone else, and things we witness first-hand are rarely as they seem at first blush.

Though we are in different fields of work, we both find ourselves working with families in the area of relationships. As you can imagine, our perspectives on relationships vary widely, even though our work may focus on the deepest, darkest parts of a relationship in trouble, our methods are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

Regardless of the method, the key to a longstanding relationship is founded in trust; for if there is no trust, then there is no foundation on which to build a relationship that might expect any form of longevity. Most relationships today are based more on convenience, where one or both parties ask themselves, “What am I getting from this?” While they are getting what they want from the relationship, it is tolerable. If they cease to get what they want, the relationship is disposable.

My relationship work focuses on couples in love, seeking greater connection, love, and personal growth. Relationships, like this, must be founded on trust and mutual respect, not based on one partner (or both) asking “what’s in it for me?” The parties involved in the most successful relationships are asking, “What can I do for us?” Or, even better,

“How can I be the best I can be for me, and offer everything that I have for you and your best interests so that we can grow together and love each other even more?”

Wow. That’s an approach to a relationship that is empowering, uplifting, and brings a solemn tear to my eye when I am able to witness a couple engaged at that level of love.

While trust is so important in a relationship, it can wane over time. Not to worry, there is hope that trust and the love associated with it can be regained, and grow even more. With respect to my PI client, I would not suggest hiring a private investigator if there is to be any hope of rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Everyone is entitled to some form of privacy, and while I don’t know about how all investigators conduct their work, but if you’re under the type of surveillance conducted by my PI client, you have no privacy.

Every relationship needs to establish boundaries and what works for one couple may not work for the next. As much as we’d like to believe that we all could subscribe to a set of rules which apply to every relationship, it just is not practical, unless you don’t mind being socially herded like sheep.

True love honors and respects that everyone is unique and keenly individual, and in a relationship which supports the highest form of love, it is not about what you can do and what you can’t do. No, it’s about,

“What can I do for you?”

Want to know more about true love? Consider attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop near you.

We Need to Talk

“We need to talk” are the most threatening four words in love and relationships. When you speak these four words to your partner his or her mind races wondering what he or she might have done wrong, when maybe all you wanted to do was to connect with your partner.

We need to talk
We need to talk

Important Conversations

Then there are the more important conversations about you not getting your needs met. More likely you’re apt to say, “We need to talk,” when something is amiss.

Sometimes your need to talk becomes so great because you’ve bottled something up inside for so long that’s it’s reached critical mass, and you explode at your partner as you release all that pent-up pressure. To prevent this from happening, you need a solid plan for uncomfortable communication.

Let’s face it, you love your partner and don’t want to do anything to hurt him or her. You don’t want to confront your partner about anything that he or she might think of as “no big deal” when it’s clearly something that’s important to you, so you decide to brush it away and try to tell yourself that, “Maybe it is no big deal.” And the pressure builds the more you try to squash your feelings in the best interest of the relationship.

By the way, chances are, you’re partner feels the same way and is doing the same thing.

This is the destructive dance which erodes and can lead to your relationship’s demise.

When either of you reaches that point of, “That’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more!” and you or your partner explodes in a fit of rage, the other gets defensive, accusations and disrespect abounds and the war is on.

This is why you need a plan to express your needs or what is bothering you far before your angst reaches the boiling point; the sooner the better.

Before you start to execute the plan, practice your love mantra, “I love my partner. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt my partner and he (or she) loves me and wouldn’t intentionally do anything to hurt me. No matter what, we always desire the best for each other. We love each other.” You may need to repeat these words to yourself throughout the planning process, and you will want to have them ready to use during the potentially difficult conversation.

Review what’s bothering you. Try to reduce it to a single cohesive and definitive sentence (or as few sentences as possible). Then imagine what your highest and best outcome might be. I mean, if you could have all your dreams come true about this situation or concern, what would it look like?

Remind yourself of your partner’s best qualities, what he or she brings to your life that you would miss if he or she wasn’t in your life (you might like to start off a difficult conversation by first saying these things to your partner, so that he or she know you mean no harm and respect him or her for what he or she brings to the relationship which is highly valued by you).

Next, approach your partner about what might be an appropriate time to have a chat. You might want to avoid those four words, “We need to talk,” and maybe discuss with your partner what might be a more non-threatening way to ask to have a talk. Let him or her offer up the words that might be more appropriate.

Keep in mind that your partner may not be ready to have this conversation now, even though you might be feeling it’s getting close to urgent. Allow your partner the space to pick a time when they can focus on you, your concerns and your relationship.

Be certain to allow enough time for this conversation. How much time you’re thinking it’s going to take? Multiply that two-and-a-half times. Because most likely you’re thinking about how long it’s going to take to express your concerns, but you’re not allowing enough time for reaction and interaction.

Be prepared for this to be a two-way street. When you express your concerns, there’s a chance your partner will become defensive of having some concerns of their own that they will want to bring up during the conversations.

Find a way to sit during the conversation that is not confrontational. Sit beside each other (not across from each other), face each other and try to maintain eye contact. Do not attempt to have a difficult conversation while driving. This could be dangerous.

Express your concern as well as what it might look like if you could have it any way you want it, then allow your partner to figure out a way to give you what you need. You might be surprised that he or she can find a way to give you what you need in ways you may have never thought of.

Leave room for full expression of feelings, and try not to berate each other for fully expressing emotionally. There may be a pressure that has been building up over a period of time, and this is a good way to release it. Try to be open, not to take it too personally, be forgiving, and compassionate.

Be willing to compromise, like, this is what I want/this is what you want. Let’s find a win-win solution that can give us both what we are looking for.

If the conversation is tarrying on and is taking longer than you expected to reach a resolution, no problem. Agree to take a break, resume your loving relationship, maybe take a dinner break, or have a good night’s sleep, and pick it up again later.

There’s no need to adhere to the old adage, “Don’t go to bed angry,” and fight it out when your energy reserves are dwindling. This is not the best approach. Agree to lay down your weapons and let it simmer, then pick it up again later, when you both have the time and energy to honor each other and work through this process with your greatest capabilities.

There’s no need to rush through this, especially if you have the rest of your lives to think about.

You can do this and your love can thrive.

My Partner and I are Growing Apart

What happens when one of my clients is growing and changing, taking on a new perspective and the world by storm, and his or her partner is not? It’s not uncommon for the one who is doing all the changing to feel as though he or she and his significant other are growing apart, starting to predict the end of the relationship.

First of all, you need to determine if you and your partner are growing apart, or one is growing and the other is not so much. If you are growing and changing in one direction and your partner is growing and changing in another direction, yes, it would appear that you are growing apart. If this is the case, it might still be workable, because you can move in a similar direction in different ways, which can create opportunities for exponential growth down the line, if you can play off or and encourage each other.

On the other hand, the truth of what I see predominantly is couples that have one partner growing and changing, making giant leaps and bounds, and when he or she looks to his or her partner for support or encouragement, all that comes back is the classic eye-roll, or passive (if not sarcastic), “Oh, that’s just great.”

That’s when you feel like, “This is not working.” Asserting, “My partner doesn’t care about my growth,” (personal, spiritually, or both) feeling as though you are growing apart and your partner could care less about joining you on the journey you’ve chosen for yourself. So, your initial thought is that you’re not being supported, or you’ve been rejected, and feel as though, “I can’t live like that.”

“My partner and I are growing apart.”

If you’re feeling unsupported or rejected by your significant other, be aware that this has nothing to do with your partner at all; it’s all you. Even with all your growth up to this point, you are still harboring the fear of being unsupported and fear of rejection. These fears are coming up as an indication in your life that these fears must be dealt with if you are to move to the next level.

Sure, you can circumvent these fears altogether and end the relationship, abandoning your partner, and continuing your growth solo, or you can choose to take this opportunity to face your fears, promoting your growth even more.

Maybe it’s time to step back and take a look at what is happening from a perspective outside of yourself, possibly reframing the scenario, altering the details enough to keep your feelings disengaged so you can be more objective. Something like,

Imagine a couple has come to you for advice and they’ve told you that they love each other but one of them has gotten a promotion and in order to continue his or her growth with the company, he or she must work from an office 300 miles away from home. Chances are, you are not going to advise that he or she takes the promotion, move away, and end the relationship. Why?

I think, if you could be objective about it, you would suggest a way to renegotiate the promotion, or find a way to compromise or further encourage the growth of the couple through this exercise to find a win-win solution which will enhance the relationship, having moved through this process and conquering this challenge together.

Following this process, you might consider applying this advice to your own relationship. Though I would also challenge you to consider that you’ve also just made a huge mistake which is common for everyone who is on a path of discovery, who has discovered or experienced something that is not fully embraced by your social circle (especially those people closest to you), you have become a self-righteous hypocrite.

Sounds bad, but you have just joined the ranks of all the ego-centric narcissists who have paved similar paths for themselves. Good luck with that.

As harsh as it sounds, your ego has taken control of your life, and you’re starting to feel superior when comparing yourself to others. You’re judging others who are not in lock-step with you and thinking about (if you haven’t already done so) isolating yourself from your circle of influence, asserting your own personal needs and desires over others who are incapable of seeing things clearly from your perspective.

This is hardly tolerance or love; in fact, it is quite the opposite. You’ve let your fear overshadow all you have worked for, and we all know that the path to the dark side is paved with the best intentions.

Tolerance would suggest that everyone is on their own journey, they are not broken, and honors each person’s right to their own perspective and station in life without judgment. Yet here you are, passing judgment on the person (if not the people) closest to you.

Love, of the unconditional variety, would dictate that you love the person you’ve aligned yourself with unconditionally, regardless of what he or she thinks about the path you’ve selected for yourself.

Your lover is not under any obligation to follow you on your journey, because your journey is not for your mate, even though you both could learn, find value, and deeply benefit from your decision to do so.

It is upon you to love your partner, to create sacred space in your lives together, where you can share and abide in safety and security without the fear of abandonment. Honoring your mate implies that you respect his or her right to their own opinions and defend his or her right to do so, from both others and yourself, without judgment.

After all, aren’t we all just doing the best we can with what we have?

If you are able to take the high road, you may find that your partner is paying far more attention than you think. It’s not unlike your response to a new business opening in town. It is unlikely that you are not going to frequent that business on opening day or support it regularly in the beginning. It may take many exposures to advertising and your regular review for a period of time to see if the proprietor’s venture is worthy of your attention and support, or just another flash in the pan.

How many times have you been aware of a new business who has caught your attention but prior to stepping foot into the establishment, you notice the business has not survived, the owner has collected his or her things and gone home. The business has closed and the space is available for lease.

The possibility exists that your love interest is paying attention to every move you make, watching you very intently, to see if your transformation is real and longstanding, or just a passing phase.

It is quite common for a partner to tarry, while keeping a close eye on their partner, to see for themselves if this is the real deal.

Once they have faith in your growth, metamorphosis, and evolution, they will join you on your journey, making your dream for a supportive synergistic love life come true.

It’s on you to create, allow and protect the sacred space necessary to make it happen.

I Love You No Matter What

I talk about love, been in the love promotion business since I was a teenager, but what is love? Granted, love is many things and can be expressed and felt, imagined and contracted in so many ways, but what is love, really?

I mean, if you could aspire to find the highest and best love that could be shared between two people, that would undoubtedly be unconditional love. But what does it mean to love someone unconditionally?

I love the Jesus model of unconditional love the best, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). It doesn’t stop there. The unconditional Jesus-style love meant he was willing to sacrifice everything for anyone, even the people who didn’t like him, refused to treat him fairly, the ones who shunned and/or rejected him, no matter what.

And when addressing the love of a couple, Paul charges men to, “love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

In a world where divorce is big business and relationships are pretty much disposable, this seems like quite the burden to place on anyone who is contemplating a higher degree of love. Unconditional? I love you no matter what? It just seems too impossible.

Is it like those marriage vows that go like, “love, honor, and cherish?” Okay, sounds reasonable enough. “For richer or poorer,” well, okay… for a while, maybe. I mean how long can two live on nothing? And, “in sickness and in health.” Well, exactly how sick are you talking about? We all have limits.

The degree of love you have for someone else is based upon your limitations, for unconditional love is limitless, “I love you no matter what.”

I have friends in my life whom I love unconditionally, they can ditch me, turn their back on me, pitch a hissy fit, leave me stranded at the airport, even steal from me and lie both to my face and behind my back, and I love them no matter what.

Sure, my feelings may wain and falter, but my commitment to love them is unfailing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that people, no matter how well you know them, can be unpredictable at times, and of course this catches you off guard. Even so, their underlying strength of character remains, and if they are for real, they will return, when they have the ability to do so; or not.

I work with many people in relationships who are unwilling to even contemplate the idea of unconditional love because their partner is not good enough. Maybe their eye continues to wander, looking for a better deal, someone who is better suited for him or her, so their chances are better if they push all their chips onto the table, affirming they’re ready to be all in for unconditional love.

What if you don’t think your partner is capable of loving you unconditionally?

What if you once felt like you loved your partner so much, but nowadays, you’re, “just not feeling it.” Then what?

I like what Stephen Covey says, “Love her anyway.” He insists that love is first an action, and the feeling cannot help but follow the action. So, if you want to have the feeling of being in love, love first, and the feelings will come.

Does, “I love you no matter what,” mean that I love you even if you beat me or cheat on me?

No. In life, we all make choices and should have healthy boundaries. There is no vow which suggests that you agree to allow your partner to abuse you, and you will stay, no matter what. You have the inalienable human right to life, and to live in freedom and safety.

Following self-protection, you need to decide what your conditions for love are. But think about it before you do because if your love has conditions, could your love be unconditional?

No. Unconditional love has no conditions.

Are you man or woman enough to go there? To love someone regardless of who they are, what they do, if they hurt your feelings, occasionally break promises, treat you poorly, forget some detail(s), ignore you when you could use a little acknowledgment, lose their libido, etc. Or a million other reasons why your love might waver or fade?

Might you long for unconditional love?

Do you think you want someone to love you, whom you can love unconditionally?

Unconditional love raises the bar of love incredibly high. It is not for the faint of heart, for the heart must come before the head in terms of it.

Your mind is the enemy of unconditional love and cannot conceive of the concept of loving someone unconditionally. It will do anything it can to protect you from it, for the mind’s base emotion is fear. Loving from the heart is the only hope there is of having unconditional love, which embraces the idea that,

“I love you no matter what.”

See: Awakening to True Love Workshop

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

August 2017 Image Directory

Wrapping up the month of August, here’s a quick screen shot review of the month’s news. Let me know which ones you like the most. Thanks for your input, -David M Masters

What’s Going on In Someone Else’s Head How to Do What You Want  Law of Unintended Consequences
Infidelity It’s Not Just Sexual Client Refuses to Do the Work When Everything Goes Wrong
You Are the Reluctant Hero Coaches Trained Born and Made What Stands Between You?
5 Steps Toward a Better LIfe How to Start a Mastermind How to Hear God’s Voice
7 Points of Evolving Expansion How to Know If You Can Trust Someone Happiness vs Joy
Alternative Medicine and Natural Remedies Talk to Your Inner Child

Just Go with the Big Change
Disaster or Miracle Find the Blesson Catch a Wave for a Better Life Make Your Dream Come True or Not
Get ‘er Done with Accountability Angry Much? What Is Your Mission?
Where Am I? Lost? Choose to Change EMP Love and Marriage
Obsession vs Moderation How to See People as They Really Are My Love Life’s in Crisis
Love and Fear in Relationships