Love and Fear in Relationships

We already know that we bring baggage along with us into any relationship which contains ideas, fears, programming, and beliefs that hinder our ability to be honest, open and have a truly loving connection with another person.

Because we believe these ideas to be true, because in our mind and felt by our emotions, they appear to be even more real than the pain of life which might be felt in the real world. The construct in our mind has been so carefully designed and programmed since our birth that we believe it, more than we might believe something in real life that may contradict our programming.

The fears which we harbor from the past plays out in a dramatic portrayal, all the while supporting the underlying belief, i.e., I can’t trust anyone, all men are dogs, I will never know true love, to have love you must give up yourself, etc. We do this, even if we don’t like it because there is safety in knowing a thing is true. We are comforted by the experiential re-enforcement of our beliefs even if they are painful and untrue, which may not make it true but it does make it appear as though you are right. The question is, then,

Let’s face it, love and fear are polar opposites on the emotional scale, how can anyone expect to bring such a contradiction to a logical conclusion. Love and fear will always promote pain and dysfunction. For instance, if you have a fear which asserts that you cannot trust anyone, then this becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy. After a while in your relationship your partner will do something that seemed perfectly normal or “cute” in the beginning, but suddenly the same act triggers an emotional response making you feel as though you have been betrayed, he or she is sneaking around or hiding something from you, and the drama is played out.

Which would you rather have?

To be right, or to have love?

We tend to project our feelings and fears from our past onto our partner, and we are so good at it that our partner will have no hope in overshadowing your projected image or idea, no matter how well-intended and loving as they might be. This creates an environment which fosters difficulty in couple’s connection and conversation.

When something sets you off in an emotional tailspin, this is triggering a reaction based on some hidden fear which if identified and dealt with can engender healing and open up opportunities for unbridled growth and expansion in you, and untold possibilities for creating a deeper, more authentic and enduring connection with your partner.

If your relationship appears to be problematic, chances are if you heal your relationship to your self, you will also heal your relationship. I know, it can be a lot to try to wrap your head around because your first instinct is to say, “It’s not me,” it’s the other party who is causing all the conflict. The fact remains, if you are the one feeling the emotional reaction to the trigger, it’s you, not your partner.

Now, through a little investigative research, if you can ferret out the source of your reaction and deal with it in an effectively eliminating fashion, it will no longer have power over you, causing you to react irrationally. You, then, can focus on your partner’s issue (if it still remains) calmly, without accusation or judgment.

All you have to do is to open and allow for a deeper connection to be revealed to you, then do the deep work of exposing the root and eliminate it through a psychologically surgical process. The surgical process can take many shapes and forms and rarely does one procedure work on all people. Nonetheless, you can start this process, right now.

You can start by using a simple prayer,

“Reveal to me the ways that I am hindering achieving my highest and best that have anchors to my past. Help me identify them and heal them so I might enjoy life without being restrained by them. Let me see me and my potential for love more clearly.”

Then see what happens. Almost immediately, you will feel lighter as a new energy enters your sacred space and thirty-to-forty days, you will have access to this energetic power fully, as it strengthens over time as you send up this simple prayer daily.

You will also notice a shift in the energetic vibration of your relationship and your partner as well because as you grow and change, your relationship grows and changes also.

This energy will attract to you all the tools, knowledge and resources necessary to move you through the process. But you must be alert, attentive and willing to take action when you are quickened or when assistance is presented to you.

Your answered prayer will have things showing up in unusual ways, you will see themes and messages appear in media, internet searches, advertising, other people’s conversations, books which may be calling for you to read them, or even the message which seems to speak to you when hearing a song on the radio.

Check your motivation because you should be doing this for the right reason: You. You are not going about this work to save your relationship or to change your partner. You might find that your partner is changing along with you and that your harmonious journey will take you to unknown magnificence in true love and deep, meaningful connection.

On the other hand, as you do this deep inner work, you may discover that you and your partner really are not compatible and cannot continue on a single journey traveled by the two of you hand in hand. The time may come when you both send each other off to each continue his/her journey without you, as you continue yours.

Be open and don’t try to force a particular outcome, let the source of all life imbue you with everything you could possibly need to live a better life, your best life, and make the world a better place.

Let your love soar.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

My Love Life’s In Crisis

My Love Life’s In Crisis!

What Can I do?

Your relationship has been going on for a while, but there’s this one thing you thought would work itself out but your partner has continued to do something that just doesn’t sit right with you. You thought your love would be enough and your partner would let go of this thing or vice but instead, it’s gotten worse. Now what? You’re asking, “Is it time to confront my partner?” And, if so, “What’s the best way to confront my partner?”

You’ve probably been watching this thing go on, and you sort of thought it would just resolve itself, but it’s gotten worse and there could be consequences. Only you know how this is affecting your relationship and your partner just goes on oblivious to the impact this activity is having.

It could be an activity that leads to a loss of health and wellness, or is causing the breakdown of the relationship and could include anything from eating and drinking to gambling and other extra-curricular activities. Even worse, you know this activity, whatever it is, is causing you to lose respect and admiration for your partner. And left unchecked, could lead to the end of this relationship.

When it’s getting to the point where you’re contemplating leaving the relationship altogether, you’ve let it go on for too long, and is more likely than not, due to your codependency. Codependency is an addiction and the single largest contributing factor in relationship failure.

You have to come to grips with the idea that in reality, this is all because of you. For whatever reason, you didn’t say anything long ago and you might even have the inclination to ask, “How did we get here?” But in your heart, you know it was because you didn’t care enough about yourself to say anything when you first noticed, and now it’s escalated into all this. You allowed it and now it’s out of control.

Denial is a powerfully destructive emotion which could make you think this is all your partner’s fault because he or she is engaged in the actual doing of whatever it is, but it’s not true. You are the only one to blame because you turned your head and allowed this thing to grow and expand.

You must love yourself enough to speak up for yourself when you know something is happening that is just not right. Waiting too long, until a thing grows so hugely out of proportion that there can be little hope of recovery, is nothing short of criminal.

All is not lost

There is still hope, but it is far more complicated at this point to address the issue, after letting it go for so long.

Thankfully, there is an emotion more powerful than denial. In fact, it is the only emotion that may be more powerful and it is powerful enough to overcome any obstacle that stands in the way of your having the loving relationship you so ling to desire.

For your partner, there is no greater motivator than to preserve the love that he or she so greatly desires.

I know, men get a bad rap for being strong, in control, personally devoid of sensitivities, but in reality, they are longing to love and be loved, honored, respected, and adored just as much as you. They want to do the right thing and be appreciated for doing it, so give them a chance.

As much as you might think they could care less about you, if you ask them what is the most important thing in their relationship is, they invariably reply that it is “your happiness” which is the most important thing to them.

Even though you’ve let things get out-of-hand, you still have love on your side and because you have let this thing erode your affection for your partner to this point, the idea of losing everything could be a powerful attention-getting proposal for initiating change (even though this is not the best approach).

Waking up to the idea that one could lose one’s life as they know it, including family, kids, friends, finances, reputation, and most importantly, “love,” could be the best motivation for making rapid significant changes.

On the other hand, if not handled properly, it could signify the relationship’s breaking point and ultimate failure.

Our society holds our men to such a high expectation of being strong and powerful that we offer them little love and loving support and this is one of the contributing factors to such higher rates of suicide of men over women. A man is far more likely to take his own life as the result of relationship failure.

Often failed relationships and the lack of support for men is the leading cause of male suicide which outnumbers women four-to-one. When all they really wanted was the chance to love, be loved, and to please their significant other but were not allowed the chance to do it or make it right due to miscommunication or some other contributing factor beyond their control or knowledgebase.

The only hope of making through this crisis together can be found in

1. Establishing Sacred Space

The home, or at least someplace in it, should be defined as “sacred.” This activity will never breach this place. Also, this place is reserved for safe conversation and exchange, where the topic of this crisis can be discussed without judgment.

2. Allowing Time for Healing

Both the accuser and the partner engaged in the activity must agree to allow the time necessary to address the behavior, which may have become a growing addiction over time. Just as this issue has developed over time, it may take some time to change the behavior.

3. Being Open and Honest

It is incumbent for both parties to be both honest and open when communicating about this behavior which has gotten out of control. Yu need to express how this activity makes you feel, what your innermost thoughts are, where your mind goes, how it affects your heart, love and admiration. And your partner needs to be offered the same courtesy through this tough time.

4. Sincerity and Compassion

This is the time to be sincere and compassionate, not superior or demanding. No pointing of the finger, insisting, “You did this,” or, “You did that.” For heaven’s sake, don’t nominate yourself as the flawless almighty by accusing your partner of being any less human by asking, “Who does that?” as if no other human being on the planet would consider doing such a thing. This is the time to imagine what it might feel like to be in his or her shoes right now. What if it was your partner issuing you an ultimatum right now?

5. Get Help

If there is time, space and the ability to seek out a relationship coach, clergy, or counselor, consider reaching out for to someone for support and a fresh perspective. The relationship might not be salvageable but if it is, someone with a clear perspective and access to additional resources might be able to save all the good things your relationship represents.

Let’s face it. You didn’t get into this relationship for all this drama, even if you contributed to it. The truth is, you loved your partner, and the reasons you decided to align yourself with him or her are probably still there. Even though you might not be able to see clearly through the veil of the current crisis.

If this conflict was the result of your codependence, be aware that your next relationship will not be any better until you move through the dependence continuum from codependence, to independence, then onto interdependence, when you can successfully manage a healthy relationship.

Love can prevail over a crisis, but it will take action, not just words, motivated by pure love to get from here to there.

You can do this, if you want to.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Out of Control Fighting in Relationships

I know, you’re committed to this relationship, you love your partner but occasionally things get insanely out of control and the whole thing gets crazy and you can’t seem to help yourself in that moment.

What happens is your caveman or cavewoman danger chemistry is activated, you feel like you’re going to be some dinosaur’s lunch, and you’re fighting for your life. In that moment you’re out of control and incapable of rational thought because your amygdala has taken control and your rational mind is shut down.

This is actually an incredible opportunity to uncover buried treasure hiding beneath the surface, but we’ll address that later. For the moment, let’s just get you through this panic and irrational conflict, so that it doesn’t do more harm to the relationship than good.

First off, realize that if your partner is sounding off, like this, there’s something extremely ancient and sacred taking place and honor it and respect it. Understand that through this process which can look like outrage, your partner is trying to communicate something of importance to you.

The last thing you want to do is to take it personally, or get riled up yourself. If one of you is out of control, there is hope, if both of you are out of control, the relationship will suffer damages that may be irreparable. If you can, try not to lose your control, and if you feel like you’re about to lose your cool,

Stop It

Call a timeout. Of course, you both have to understand and agree to invite the timeout process into your relationship in advance and you have agreed that when one or the other initiates a timeout, you both agree to stop talking for a period of time, no more than 20 minutes.

Center

Those precious moments need not be wasted, take the time to center yourself. There are many methods to center one’s self. If you don’t have a method, you might consider this technique used on trauma patients. Imagine a copper cord that goes from the center of the top of your head, through your body to the center of your stomach. Then focus your attention as a small soothing electrical charge moving all the way up and down the copper cord. A few minutes of this and you’re centered.

Review

Collect your thoughts about what you want to communicate and try to think of the best way to present it to your partner. It’s helpful to have something to write with.

Chemical Process

Your brain has released a chemical cocktail that has put you into a state of panic. These chemicals are still moving throughout your nervous system, but their effects are dwindling during the break. About 15 minutes, or less is all it takes to return your body’s chemistry to a more normal state, without further stimuli.

Re-engage

After you have centered and gathered your thoughts you are ready to resume your attempt to communicate. If you were the one charged with unbridled emotion, you can return to that state if you feel it necessary to get out your pent-up feelings, frustrations or pain.

You’re in Good Hands

Your partner has your back. He or she has agreed to partner with you in this process to provide a safe and secure environment for you to express yourself and he or she will do everything he can to correctly understand what it is you’re trying to say.

Expect to be asked questions for clarification, and reiterate or rephrase your ideas so that your partner can correctly comprehend what it is your trying to say concisely.

If You’re Both Out of Control

If you’re both out of control, this is very unfortunate. Whomever has the first moment of clarity or consciousness must find the wherewithal to call for a timeout to stop the danger ahead which is waiting when both of you are out of control.

And you might have to take turns, following one’s rage, after clarity of the subject matter is clearly understood, the other partner may need to have a go at it. Now it’s your turn to hold the sacred space for your partner to freely express him or herself.

Rules of Engagement

You agree to following the rules to the best of your ability and they are

1. Don’t take it personally

Your partner must have the safe space respected and protected by you to express him or herself in any way necessary. Try not to take it personally, even if some disrespect might be directed to you.

2. Seek to understand

Separate any rage from the value of the message being communicated. While your partner may be over-reacting due to raging chemistry as he or she is in fight or flight mode, keep this in mind as you listen and ask for clarity.

3. No threats

Agree in advance that respecting and protecting the sacred space for your partner’s expression means that at no time will either partner threaten the relationship. Avoid using statements like, “if you keep saying that, I’m out’a here.” Don’t start throwing around statements inferring that either one of you will be bailing out, compromising or ending the relationship prematurely. If you are married, using the D-word (divorce) is strictly verboten and you are to refrain from accusing your partner of wanting to end the relationship when no such statement has been made.

Threatening the relationship will only threaten the relationship and is will cause mistrust and promote personal withdrawal and separation.

Honor the Relationship

Even when the going gets tough, and things get out of hand, you know you are together, committed and in a loving, supported environment, if you and your partner can approach potential out of control conflict in this manner.

You got this.

Fear of Abandonment in Love

In many relationships, fear of abandonment can find ways to thwart your attempts to find love, no matter how you try. Dealing with one who has fear of abandonment issues, whether this applies to you, or someone you’re in love with.

In most, if not all, cases, fear of abandonment can be traced back to one’s childhood. It is often linked with a mother or primary caregiver who was not there to provide the proper nurturing, caring and attentive support to the child. Regardless of the reason for the lack of nurturing, whether the primary had to work, or had personal issues or unavoidable circumstances to properly love and connect with this little baby, this young child grew up insecure.

This insecurity could express itself as either avoidance or anxiety.

Avoidance

In the person who expresses his or her fear of abandonment as avoidance, he (avoidance if far more common among men) or she will likely retreat when his or her partner is crying out for love and connection. When witnessing his or her partner expressing his or her need, the avoider will make a bee-line to a safe place.

Commonly, he or she will retreat to the office, or some other location deemed as a “safety zone,” and so it is not uncommon for avoiders to become workaholics.

As a child, the avoider found self-sufficiency and finding comfort in solitude his or her coping mechanism in dealing with a primary caregiver who did not give them the love, attention, and support they so desperately needed in those young and formative early years.

Anxiety

If the person who was raised with abandonment issues found reward from crying out or clamoring for attention, then this will likely carry over into adulthood. The anxious person carrying fear of abandonment issues will likely be stirring the pot in an attempt to get the attention they seek, even though this obviously is an ineffective method of getting them what they want.

What do they want?

In either case, whether they are operating from a place of avoidance or anxiety, both of these individuals are desperately in search of the love, safety and security they were denied at a very tender, young age.

Since we are often drawn and attracted to someone like our parents, you will have someone in your life that triggers the abandonment threshold which throws you into a state of panic or fight or flight response.

This emotional state of emergency disconnects the part of the brain which is reserved for rational thought as they follow their knee-jerk instincts which seek to protect them from further abandonment. So the avoider retreats and the anxious person who fears abandonment pitches a fit because the avoider feel safe in seclusion and the anxious person gets attention (even though it is negative) when they act up.

This reactivity does not foster a healthy environment for creating a congruent connection between two people. In fact, it does just the opposite, it keeps these two people from having a positive, loving and supportive relationship, which is just the opposite of what they so long to have. But for them, it has not become about connection, it has been reduced to its simplest form of survival, so they react and prevent connection from happening.

And there’s a good chance that you are either one of these, either suffering from avoidance or anxiety paradigms, and you are also in a relationship with one, and there’s an even greater chance that if you are in a relationship with someone also suffering from fear of abandonment, that your partnered with someone who is the other type.

In most fear of abandonment couples, one is the avoider and the other is anxious.

What can I do, if I’m in a relationship with someone who has fear of abandonment issues?

Good question. Thankfully, there is a cure for what ails the person who is dealing with fear of abandonment issues.

Avoidance

The person who is suffering from abandonment and has embraced avoidance as his or her coping mechanism wants love and connection but has no idea about how to get it. He or she retreats and expects you to leave.

The key, here, is to do exactly the opposite of what he or she expects. Don’t disconnect yourself, instead, be totally supportive, reach out and touch the heart of the avoider in such a way that he or she longed for in childhood.

That’s right. Treat him or her like a baby, hold him or her in your arms, look him or her in the eyes and say, “I am here for you. I know you feel like running away, right now, and that’s okay, but I will be right here for you. I love you. I really, really love you. I am here for you and I will never leave nor forsake you. You can depend on me.”

The results may not be immediate, but as you gain the trust of the avoider and he or she begins to realize that you are there for comfort, support, safety, security and benevolently offering your loving kindness, and he or she sees strength, consistency, and dependability in your love, he or she will open up.

This might be the first time he or she has ever felt safe.

Anxiety

The anxious person suffering from fear of abandonment needs the same thing. Needs to know he or she will not be judged or ridiculed, desires to be loved, accepted and embraced in love.

When he or she is acting out, this can look like a rant or a fit of rage, but in reality, it is only this person’s inner child crying out for love and connection.

Likewise, instead of berating or getting defensive, make eye contact in a loving and non-threatening manner, just as you would a little baby, reach out and hold him or her, let him or her know that they are loved unconditionally. And if it was something that you did to trigger this response assure him or her, “Hey, I can see that you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I never meant to do anything to hurt you. I would never intentionally do that. I am here for you. I love you. I am here for you.”

Again, if you are honest and true, your love will shine through in your actions, and this person might be able to feel safe and secure in your love.

The more secure he or she feels over time, the more infrequent the reactions will be.

And there is a third type of person who suffers from fear and abandonment. This one is the,

Trauma

Having suffered trauma as a child, this person acts out more expressively, probably jumping to conclusions and making irrational accusations, over-reacting to circumstances and scenarios that might seem mundane to anyone else.

The traumatics are often their own worst enemy driving away those whom they desperately want to be loved by.

Again, just like everyone else, they are desperately in search of love and connection.

If you are brave and steadfast enough, your love can break through the protective walls they have built around themselves.

Love can be a dirty business, but there is no greater love than being the reason that someone has sincerely felt safe, secure and loved for the very first time.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Couple Connection and Difficult Conversation

If you want to connect, communication is the gateway to a deeper connection which will enhance the longevity and intimacy in any relationship, but before you expect to have a truly intimate connection, you must have these two things as your firm foundation. They are,

Trust

Before you can truly open up and expose those most intimate and private parts of yourself, exposing yourself far more than your naked body, you must be able to trust your partner.

Trusting your partner means that you feel as though you can rely on his or her performance, you know if he or she says something, you can expect it will come to pass based on your experience.

Not having trust, or breaking trust, can be destructive, even more damaging than an affair. Lack of trust destroys more relationships than affairs. Whether you’re unable to trust or be trusted, if there is lack of trust there will be no intimate, open and honest connection.

Besides, trust, you will also need an equal amount of,

Appreciation and Gratitude

Life is moving so fast, we can take our partner for granted, forgetting why we fell in love with this person in the first place, and things can just start to deteriorate. You must make time and find ways to express appreciation and gratitude if your relationship is going to not only survive but thrive.

If you’ve let the appreciation and gratitude slip in your relationship maybe it’s time to take action. You can start by asking yourself how your life might be if your partner was no longer in it. What might you miss?

Remembering all the sweet things about your partner that were so endearing in the beginning of your relationship could help take you back in time, feeling those original love vibrations, and when you come back to now, you can bring those vibrations with you into the present moment.

Having the firm foundation of trust, appreciation, and gratitude can give you the firm foundation to approach any situations or circumstances that may approach and/or threaten your relationship. Keep in mind that many challenges which threaten a relationship can come from within. In those moments you will need this foundation to successfully navigate your most

Difficult Conversations

You know, this is when you’ve let something go for a while, and now it’s come to this. It’s time for you to have a serious talk before things go from bad to worse.

How can you best prepare for a crucial conversation?

Taking time to prepare for a crucial conversation will be highly beneficial. Every minute spent planning will eliminate 3 minutes of extraneous drama and unnecessary conflict.

1. Clearly Define Your Concern

Take a few minutes, or as long as necessary to clearly define what your concern is. Reduce it to its simplest, shortest and most concise form before even thinking about scheduling, “The Talk.”

Once you’ve done so, ask yourself if this is “Critical” or “Negotiable?” Your definition should come with the determination of knowing in advance if this is critical or a deal breaker, or negotiable, something that can be compromised. Most sources of relationship angst are comprised of the 97 percent of issues which left to themselves are really no big deal but because they’ve been swept under the rug the pressure has built to intolerable when a simple compromise could have avoided all that pain and disconnect.

If the concern is centered around the three percent of meaningfully important core issues that can destroy a relationship, then continuing to have a crucial conversation is prudent.

2. Look Within

In my experience with couples, more often than not when one partner is feeling a great deal of angst about the other partner, it is because he or she is reflecting back inadequacies of the complainant, who is refusing to see his or her shortcomings in the relationship.

You can avoid this step, experience all the drama and relationship breakdown, only to discover it later in counseling or relationship coaching, or you can head it off at the pass by asking yourself the question,

“How might I be doing the same thing?”

If you feel like you’re not getting something, you might be surprised to see that you’re not giving it. In the event that you realize this, you can avoid any unnecessary relationship drama by giving that which you desire. When you change and give what you want, your relationship changes and you start to get it in return.

If your inner search comes up empty, then you can continue to plan our talk.

3. Schedule an Appropriate Time and Place

Find out from your partner when would be the best time. Keep in mind that men are better equipped to have a serious conversation late in the afternoon, and not too late at night.

Give your partner the space that he or she needs to select a time that is good for him/her. Keep in mind, you may want to talk now, but tomorrow afternoon or this weekend might be better for your partner to properly engage in an important conversation.

Select a location that is not the “scene of the crime.” That is to say, for instance, if your concern is about sexual intimacy, do not conduct this crucial conversation in the bedroom, etcetera.

Side by side is an appropriate, non-threatening posture for a crucial conversation, rather than across from each other, which is more adversarial. Walking and talking (especially in nature) can be a healthy environment for an otherwise heavy conversation.

4. The Difficult Conversation

Start off by issuing a positive statement (or up to five declarations) about how important your partner is and how much he or she brings to the quality of life that you enjoy with your partner.

Then you can express what you need or want in its best possible light, such as, “It would mean so much to me, and I would be so full of love and gratitude, if you could…” (fill in the blank). Pick a statement that you feel comfortable but let it represent how it would make your heart soar, if only…

Avoid the use of apocalyptic fighting words, like, “You always,” and “You never.” Nothing good ever comes from a sentence which starts with either of those as they accuse and attack your partner, only promoting defensiveness. Plus, you know it’s not true. Rarely, if ever, is anyone “always,” or, “never.”

Avoid inviting the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to join your conversation. According to the Gottman Institute, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are (1) Criticism, (2) Contempt, (3) Defensiveness, (4) Stonewalling, and these are the primary predictors of relationship failure.

Remember, this not about me against you, or who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about wanting love, to love and be loved in a manner which is pleasing and respective of both partners who desire to raise their love relationship to be the best it can be, and even more.

If your partner is male, try to avoid pushing him into a condition which is referred to as, “Emotional Flooding.” This is when they lose cognizance as their emotions take the driver’s seat. It’s a real thing, and they are likely to lose the ability to consciously rationalize and communicate as they are overwhelmed by rampant emotion.

What if it gets out of control?

You can take a “time out” and reel it back in.

It’s a good idea, when there is no conflict or need to have a serious talk, to establish a signal which can be offered up at any time by either partner, which indicates it is time to take a break. It can be as simple as making a timeout “T” symbol with your hands and actually saying, “Time out!” or some other signal or saying that you both can agree on.

Once this signal is initiated by either party, you both have pre-agreed to stop everything and take a ten to twenty-minute break. And if you want to maximize your time out, you can use this time effectively by writing. Write three things, what you’re frustrated about, what you think a good solution might be and a list of the things you absolutely love about your partner.

By now, you should be calmer, more centered, have a plan, and are ready to re-engage for love’s sake.

You are deserving of love, but it often does not come easy because we have so much negative self-talk that goes on behind the scenes that limit your ability to accept love. These love-limiting beliefs include phrases, like,

All men are “dogs”
(or their shirt-tailed cousins,
jerks, babies, cheaters, liars, losers, etc.)
Nobody loves me, nobody cares
I am broken and undeserving of love
I will never have great love
I can’t-do it, love is too hard
If it’s not perfect, I don’t want it
Love means one of you must give up everything

You might feel unworthy of love and/or feel like you must accept the plight of the martyr to have any hope of maintaining a “successful” relationship. You, just like anyone else, are totally deserving of love, and you might have the full potential to have it all in this moment in time, if you just reach out for it.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that your underserving or asking for too much. You’re not. And most likely, your partner desires to be there for you in a way that honors your highest and best love, if he or she only knew how.

It’s up to you to find ways to express your needs and desires and allow your partner to find ways to give you what you want in his or her own way.

How Do You Know When You’re in Love?

You’ve been seeing this person for a while and things are going well. So well, in fact, that you start to ask yourself, “Am I in love?” If you start asking the question, there’s a good chance you may be falling in love and you start looking for signs you’re in love, but how do you know when you’re in love?

Signs You’re In Love

You think more about them than you think about yourself

If you find yourself going through the day thinking or day dreaming about them and find you are projecting them into your routine when they’re not around, then you might be falling in love. When you love someone, when you’re shopping, you might wonder what he/she might link about what you’re thinking about buying. Little things, like driving by a billboard will make you wonder what he/she might think about that, or passing a cineplex and you find yourself wondering which movie he/she might enjoy seeing with you. If you are finding yourself thinking about them in these little ways (without obsessing), there’s a good chance you are in love.

You’re love lab’s chemistry kicks in

There is no doubt that love is a science project on crack. If you’re in it, the mad scientist inside you is pumping all kinds of chemicals racing through your heart, mind and body, such as dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopresson, creating the same sense of euphoria as taking a hit of cocaine. You really are high on love. You find yourself feeling happier and more confident when you are thinking about this person and find yourself feeling even better when you’re anticipating being in their presence as your chemical sense of attachment increases.

You put up with them, gladly

He or she may not be perfect, but you love them just the same. This is a healthy balance, being able to see their quirks and find them somewhat endearing, instead of putting them down for their flaws. You don’t think they’re perfect, only that he or she is just perfect for you, with all his/her shortcomings. If certain characteristics are less desirable than others, you are able to point them out to each other in a healthy way and help each other refine yourselves as you desire to grow and become better versions of yourself. And those things that make you smile or laugh at yourselves (because they’re so cute) as both of you stumble or find yourselves in awkward situations that could have been handled better, this is more positive than ridiculing or judging your partner and demanding change.

You are growing and changing

When people fall in love, they don’t just adopt the other person’s likes/dislikes. Instead, they each desire to become better versions of themselves as they begin to look at life with the support of their loved one and you begin to change. Your daily routine(s) and habits change noticeably. You find yourself more aware of how you spend your time, and you are finding better ways to maximize the precious moments you have available and are motivated to work on your own shortcomings and developing your individual characteristics. You are more comfortable with life, and are likely to find yourself finding ways to contribute to your community and make the world a better place.

You are more apt to compromise

Not only are you considering the thought of compromise, taking the thoughts and ideals of your loved one into consideration, but you’re not self-sacrificing or falling into martyrdom as you seek to negotiate to arrive at win-win solutions, so that you both get satisfaction from the resulting agreement. Being iin love with someone means you can actually feel good about the process of compromise and arriving at a mutually beneficial conclusion and being fair in your negotiations. One person should never be making all the concessions.

You enjoy celebrating his/her wins

When your lover gets recognized for doing good, or achieves a significant goal, they are excited. You find yourself celebrating equally (or possibly even more) when they accomplish something that even you may not have been able to do so well. This is in contrast to when you see someone else honored or rewarded, which makes you feel competitive or question their worthiness. You have a sense of pride in their success and are proud of their wins, having the same feeling(s) that you might have for your own offspring. It’s as if both of you are sharing the same accolades together.

You share mutual respect

When you’re in love, you love and respect each other, which is definitely a higher calling than just enjoying someone’s company. You are outgrowing the friend zone and are interested in seeing how far this relationship can go. When you have high regard for who they are as a person, you really like them and they are clearly feeling the same way, then you know you’re falling in love.

You miss him/her when he/she is not around

If you are feeling a bit less independent, desiring to spend more time with your lover, missing them while they are away, without going off the deep-end, you might be developing a bond with this particular person. How much you long to be with someone when they are not around might be a way to measure your love for this person as you are developing a committed relationship.

You want your people to like him/her

You are concerned about how your family and friends feel about your lover. You want them to accept him/her because you want all your highly regarded important people in your life to be happy with this person, welcoming him/her to play a more integrative role in your social circle(s). If you find yourself presenting your partner in a good light to your peers and defending their integrity, you are climbing the scale of love and developing a healthy attachment that may stand the test of time.

You might feel the occasional twinge of jealousy

As your relationship with this person becomes more desirable, your particular sensitivities towards them and their continued safety and well-being will make you more inclined to entertain a bit of jealousy based on your interdependence and trust. You are not inclined to mistrust them or be suspicious of their covert activity, more so you have a concern for their well being in a world that is unpredictable because you would hate to see them suffer any inordinate challenges, or be involved in an accident. Unhealthy jealousy, based on low self esteem and insecurities marked with suspicious activities such as checking their cell phone or browser history is not considered as love so much as it is obsession. If its love, you will maintain a healthy concern based on your trust, mutual respect and love for him or her, not entertaining the green-eyed monster because they might be sneaking around or someone might steal them away.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Why Is Love So Hard?

You’ve been there. You’ve fallen in love with someone, given your heart, mind, body and soul to someone and expected the same in return. More often than not, loving someone and expecting them to love you in return invites a world of trouble and what appear to be insurmountable obstacles. It can leave you asking, “Why is love so hard?”

First of all, keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There are three different thoughts about how relationships are formed, based on

Opposites Attract
People are attracted to Carbon Copies
Attraction is Chaos

When opposites attract, of course, trying to work it all out will be problematic. In fact, this is the entire concept of attracting your Twin Flame. The idea of the twin flame insists your partner is the polar opposite of you, the other half of you, destined to create a higher version of yourself when the two of you are united if you can survive the hell and high water to achieve exponential personal growth.

When people are attracted to carbon copies, they are (often unconsciously) looking for someone who is familiar, either like someone who was a powerful influence (positive or negative) in their earlier life, or someone who is like themselves in compatibility (or “chemistry”).

Then there is the thought that attraction is chaos and random. In this scenario, there is a degree of animal magnetism, followed by the assumption that no one is every truly satisfied in romantic relationships. These relationships are destined for trouble but if the couple is willing to work hard at it, they can maintain a long term relationship.
Some of the things that can make trying to maintain a relationship so hard include

What Is Love?

In my work with couples, it is common for individuals in a relationship not to have the same definition of what love is. How can a couple be “in love” when they don’t share the same idea of love’s definition?

Our society has warped the sense of love’s definition by offering romantic ideals based on fairy tale knights in shining armor and Disney Cinderellas to films depicting love at first sight and other magic of falling in love concepts.

Of course, there are more substantial concepts of love which include love as being based on integrity and commitment which means you stay with your partner whether you like it or not because you made a promise or signed a contract. On the other end of the spectrum are people who approach the idea of love as being an opportunity for personal and/or spiritual growth.

Understanding each other’s definition of love, coming to a shared definition and understanding how each person feels as though they are being loved are two of the best tools to have an idea of early on in the relationship or when looking for ways to offer help in a troubled relationship.

You Are Afraid

Fear is the reason for failure not only in relationships, but other areas of life as well. Fear is the most destructive force in our world and it hides deep inside you, and it serves only two purposes: To Protect You from Pain or Death – or – To Destroy Any Hope of Having a Good Life. In relationships participants are afraid of committing to another person, afraid that if they leave themselves open they will experience pain and/or loss of self. There is the fear that your mate may not be “the one” (what if someone better comes along?). There is the fear that love will fade, the initial attraction dissolves or each of the partners fall into stereotypical roles in the relationship. What if your partner devolves into an abuser or suffers health challenges that would scare anyone who might be left the eternal caretaker?

Atop the heap of fear of the endless unknown or expected possible negative outcomes is the fear promoted by witnessing the failed relationships all around you. Trust is the hardest thing to establish in a world where you are surrounded by unrequited love, infidelity, dishonesty, lies, physical or mental abuse, secret-keeping, addictions, embezzlement, con games, and a degree of evil lurking in the shadows seeking to break or destroy you. You have seen many relationships fail as most of them do, or witnessed the sacrificial martyrdom of one of the participants in a relationship to “make it work” and you don’t want that to happen to you. It’s no wonder you’re frightened about falling in love.

There Is No Such Thing as Love

Then there is the idea that there is no such thing as love, where people believe that love is nothing more than an ideal, thought process of tool used to get what you want in life. Let’s face it; society has trained us to believe love is a superficial means to an end. In this materialistic scenario there is no real connection between two people, instead one or both parties are shallow participants only focused on what they can get out of the relationship. When they fail to get what they want, or feel like they see a better deal on the horizon, they’re gone.

Don’t Want to Deal With It

No one wants a great deal of drama in their life, and if you’re in a close relationship with someone else (even if it’s not a romantic relationship) it can become problematic.
For the people who will avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs, it’s easier just to bail out altogether. There is no sense of fighting for love, what is right or the greater good. Instead of thinking, “I’d rather fight than quit,” these folks are more likely to think it’s time to, “Cut my losses,” and walk away because it’s easier than dealing with the drama or facing their own inner issues (especially, if they think there is a potentially better relationship waiting in the wings).

The Broken Hearted

It is harder for one who has loved and lost due to having their heart severely broken or crushed than one who has not endured this type of pain. The broken hearted people have a great deal to work through before they can be truly ready to re-enter a love relationship, but they often seek to quickly replace the love that was lost by seeking out a new relationship, like a love band aid, to treat the wound, but this is only superficial treatment and will likely lead to the failure of the subsequent relationship. Others, out of fear, will avoid putting themselves at risk, ever again. So, the broken-hearted must heal their broken heart to have any hope of an effective love relationship.

The Uncompromising List

After a few go-rounds in the relationship department, you tend to accumulate a list of what you don’t want to see in future relationships based on your negative love observations and experiences. Unfortunately, if you focus on the negatives of past relationships, you are likely to attract more negatives in future relationships; it’s how the law of attraction works.

No matter how complete and comprehensive you list is, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to find anyone who can measure up to your standards.

Not that this is completely a bad idea. Instead of focusing on negatives, focus on the positives and make a list of only these qualities, like my soul mate list. You will be surprised at what may appear on love’s horizon.

Don’t See Eye to Eye

In this day and age, there is a preponderance of posturing for separation. Society promotes the polarization among people and also in relationships, which makes us all somewhat narcissistic as we care less and less about others and more and more about ourselves.

Even though you are separate people, you need to look for opportunities to find the common ground, which you can share together in the long run, while allowing each of you to maintain your independence, a sort of interdependence instead of codependency.

In a relationship between two people, there is so much to manage, prioritize and compromise to affect a successful and long lasting romantic relationship. It takes work, investment of resources (time, emotion and financial) and a commitment to work it out rather than bailing out.

Is Love Worth It?

This is a question you have to ask and answer for yourself.

I will always be ever the romantic, believing that love is the most powerful force in the universe and can conquer anything. Love is the highest and best vibration in the world.

Is love easy? No. Is life easy? No. If it was, where would be the excitement in that?

It’s better to work on your relationship in love, rather than not to have a love relationship to work on at all. It will take work, I believe it’s worth it.

If you believe, and are looking for a way to break through to the other side of your most amazing love adventure ever, call me.

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.

Signs of a Bad Relationship

If you’ve found this searching the Internet looking for signs of a bad relationship because you might be with the wrong person, there’s a good chance that you may be courting the wrong person. What do you do when you find yourself loving the wrong person? You start expending some effort to see if you can cut off a potential disaster before tying the knot. The last thing you want to do is to wake up one day discovering you’ve married the wrong person.

If you’re already married, you may be saying, “I married the wrong person. What do i do now?” First of all, we all can hope that you’re over-reacting. Often after you’ve committed and made vows to love someone else no matter what, no matter what is waiting in the wings to make a laughing stock out of you. Love can sometimes be a cruel joke. Nonetheless you don’t want to think, “I married the wrong person.” Or find yourself asking, “Did i marry the wrong person?” Chances are things are not as bad as you think, you’re just having second thoughts (like buyer’s remorse), but if you have married the wrong person, here are some signs of a bad relationship.

Obvious Bad Signs

Some of the easiest signs determining you’re not in a healthy relationship are the ones that are painfully obvious, such as sharing more negative energy when you’re together than positive, engaging in harmful habits such as drinking, smoking, laziness, gambling, addictive behavior, lying, angry outbursts with a veiled (or overt) threat of violence, or clear signs of a lack of self control i.e. over-reacting, overeating, overspending or unexpected credit charges.

Lack of Integrity

In a healthy relationship, you can depend on your partner. You know if they’ve told you he or she was going to do something, you can rest assured that it will be done. If you’re not in a healthy relationship, promises are made but rarely kept and important integrous signs will be lacking, such as trustworthiness and dependability. If someone is not integrous, they may be disingenuous, selfish, and also lack empathy, warmth or have the ability to maintain any meaningful connectedness.

How Do You Feel About You?

When you first met, you had a relatively fair amount of self esteem and found yourself enjoying life. But since your hookup with your partner you’re finding how you feel about yourself and the things that you find joy participating in, thinking or daydreaming about on a rapid decline. In healthy relationships, as you spend time with your partner, you feel better about yourself and find ways to enjoy life together, even if the things you do together are markedly different from the things that you used to do before you met.

You Are Not Encouraged or Supported

You can take an honest look at your life and review your personal growth since you’ve been together. Does he or she have a positive influence on you, encouraging you to life a better life full of more fulfillment and happiness? This is what you should expect from a great partner, who is a supportive team player. It’s a huge red flag, if your partner puts you down, doesn’t support and offer to help you with projects that are meaningful to you, or worse yet, puts you down or laughs at these things.

If your growth is hindered and is not supported, there is no team. And relationships are the ultimate team, where lives are delicately balanced. If you can’t think of ways you’ve supported and encouraged each other to grow, or haven’t grown together, this is not a good sign.

When You Are Not Around

What does he or she do (or not do) when you’re not around? If he or she lives one life when you are around and a completely different life when you’re not around, chances are you are living separate lives. This is a clear indication that your lives are not compatible. If effective relationships, partners share each other’s interests and give and take. If their lives are compatible, they can find consistency in the lives they live, even if they are separated, the tone remains constant and stable. And if he or she is not mindful of you when he or she is away, there is no intention of maintaining a connection (even if only a text or emoticon). Not a good sign.

The Blame Game

If you, or your partner, is blaming the other for not being able to live a better life, this is not a good sign. It’s one thing to blame your partner to his or her face, but if you do blame or complain about them behind their back, to your family and friends, the damage is more dreadful and the effects more far-reaching. If either of you cannot keep a handle on your potential to blame the other person, you will never feel like this could possibly be a healthy relationship.

The Silent Treatment

If you find your partner cutting you off, stonewalling, or giving you the silent treatment when they are not getting their way, or for any reason, they may be blocking you from participating in his or her life in any significant way. If you cannot find ways to communicate and reach out to each other, even in difficult times, no good could come from this.

Lack of Connection

If there is a strong emotional attraction, it’s easy to overlook how deep your intellectual connection is. After a while, though, you start to see your conversations have no deeper meaning, it all seems so superficial and lacking substance. They seem friendly and talkative enough, but there is just surface talk, mostly centered on them and/or their past experiences. Wonder why they aren’t more interested in the meaningful details of your life? The answer is simple; they’re not that interested in you. If you stop to think about it, and realize that you know more about our partner than your partner knows about you, there’s a good chance you’re paired up with someone who is far more concerned with themselves than you, and possibly a narcissist.

Criminal Background

A criminal background could be a huge red flag, but before you throw the baby out with the bathwater, consider that while many people feel that people cannot change, I have been in the change business for X Years a long time. People can change, but it doesn’t come easy. If your partner is honest and upfront about their less than integrous past and they sound like they are taking full responsibility for where they’ve come from and how they’re changing their life (they are not blaming anyone or anything for their circumstance or behavior), and you can see and feel the difference, you may be witnessing a metamorphosis. Even so, you should proceed with caution, because just as likely that you may be witnessing a real transformation, you could be set up to be the next victim of a psychopath. You must decide what you can live with, just be careful.

Your Loved Ones Are Cautioning You

Your relationship should never be controlled by others, because often our friends and family truly do not have your best interests at heart. Sadly, it is true more often than not, that our friends and relatives are far more selfish about us and our connections to others than they could ever see or admit. They just know they are hurt or jealous because someone else is getting the best of you. But, if you’re seeing a pattern among the people who love you the most and you are finding they are sincerely concerned about your relationship with your partner, consider they might be able to see something from their vantage point you might not be able to see from your own. So, if the people you care about the most, and you know they care about you likewise, and they’re urging you get out, you might want to tale a look around to see if their concerns have merit.

Something’s Just Not Right

If you find yourself in a relationship that looks good on the surface, you know you have no reason that you can put your finger on indicating that something may be amiss, yet you feel something in your stomach or heart that just doesn’t seem right about it, this may be your inner voice or intuition telling you that things are not as they seem. Start to recognize your inner guidance systems attempt to warn and protect you from potential unwarranted exposure or harm. If you are certain these feelings are not from some other medical condition or in response to questionable restaurant shrimp, start looking for clues as to whether or not this relationship is in your best interest.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

If you’re thinking about taking a deeper look at your relationship and possibly calling it quits, take the precaution of looking at the statistics, just to prove to yourself that your concerns are not just based on mood or wavering emotions. To do this, simply create a basic T Chart and on one side list all the positive things about your relationship. On the other side, list all the negative things. Reviewing the list may help bring you back into a sense of calm as you realize the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages. On the other hand, if the relationship clearly has more negatives than positives, it might be a good idea to start taking a closer look at your partner, and asking yourself if it’s not time to think about putting an end to it.

My intention is not to dissuade you from being in the relationship that you are currently engaged in, but there is no doubt that you deserve an awesomely healthy relationship so that you can enjoy all this life has to offer. Hopefully, you are not in a toxic relationship and fortunate enough to consider these things prior to marriage, if not, you are in a far more precarious position.

Sometimes bailing out is not the answer, if there is hope for change and finding a new path that you and your partner can travel together. But if it looks like there is more pain than gain along the way, and you’re seeing signs of relationship ending, just realizing you are on different paths and honoring this fact by allowing your partner to go on without you, may be the best option as you walk away and let it go. Feel free to seek advice and opinions from others but keep in mind that these people are not you. Only you can and must make your own decisions and ultimately it is you that reaps the rewards or consequences of your decisions. Be cognoscente and smart and follow your heart.

Awakening to True Love Workshop at Your Location


The Awakening to True Love Workshop presented by David Masters is a huge hit throughout the Pacific Northwest.

Host an Awakening to True Love Workshop in your location… If you dare. This is not your romantic fairy tale seminar, this puts you in the driver’s seat of your love life. Ask us how you can host an Awakening to True Love Workshop in your town.

Who Should Attend?

Singles in search of true love and/or their soulmate
Individuals who want to increase the quality of all their relationships
Couples with the desire to invite true love into their relationship
Anyone who wants to set their relationship on fire

Rather than rekindle a disintegrating romance these tools, tips and techniques will totally dismantle all your previous misconceptions about love and empower you to embrace a whole new paradigm of true love, if you dare.

Meet Your Event Hosts

David M. Masters

Coach, consultant and author of 7 Phases of Love: Understanding and Navigating Love and Romance in the Digital Age, David M. Masters, presents the distinct contrast between the lackluster love we’ve been programmed by society to accept and the higher calling of unconditional love which can transform all your relationships including romantic and otherwise in the Awakening to True Love Workshop.

Minister, educator, entrepreneur, public speaker, and business consultant, David M Masters has helped many people improve their lives financially, physically, personally, spiritually and professionally. Following the loss of a son in Afghanistan, and subsequently, his family, Masters took a sabbatical to reconnect with his Higher Source as he continues to live out his life’s purpose, sharing his message and helping others to achieve their highest and best and make the world a better place.

Masters’ Awakening to True Love Workshop will rock your romantic world and set all your relationships ablaze with new found freedom and authenticity.

The price for this 1-day seminar is $495. Coming to a location near you.

Missed an event, or waited until all the seats were sold out?

Drop me an email to receive an advance notification for the next workshop in your area.

Here’s more on the Awakening to True Love Workshop…

Ever wonder why your relationships just don’t work out right?

In the beginning, you feel as though you’ve met your one true love and it’s not long before this magnificent love dream come true devolves into your worst nightmare.

Top 10 Reasons Relationships Fail

Desperate to save your precious dream, you explore all the challenges that caused your relationship to be compromised or fail. Therapeutic intervention dissects your relationship and all its flaws such as

  1. basic compatibility
  2. communication styles
  3. disinterest
  4. abuse
  5. lack of trust
  6. betrayal
  7. unmet expectations
  8. unfulfilled obligations
  9. money issues
  10. infidelity

These top 10 reasons that relationships fail are not why relationships fail, nor are any of the other so-called reasons; they are only treated as symptoms, while the underlying toxic disease continues to spread – not only in your relationship – but most relationships in the world.

The real reason why relationships fail is due to the spread of this dangerous disease which spreads like a viral wildfire. This toxin, left to itself will destroy and break down every love relationship we’re involved in, not just out romantic relationships. This viral disease leads to the failure and destruction of all kinds of relationships, including a significant other, family, mom, dad, brother, sister, children, coworkers, bosses and platonic friends.

All our relationships are at risk of being infected by this deadly disease, which is the real root cause of the death of any relationship.

The Truth: Why Relationships Fail

You might be surprised to discover there is only one reason that relationships fail. If you’re fervently seeking to find true love, you will never find it if you are infected with the toxic disease.

Wonder what the toxin is that will thwart any relationship you have and cause it to fall to pieces, no matter how you try to save it?

The name of the disease is

LOVE

Yes, “love;” the definition of it, the concept of it and everything you believe about it, love is the disease.

What if

Everything You Know About Love is Wrong?

You’ve been infected with the toxin which has spread more and more with every interaction you’ve had with other relationships as far back as you can remember (and before).

Your parents, society, the media and Disney have planted and spread the disease so pervasively that you couldn’t recognize true love if you saw it.

 

 

Join us for the

Awakening to True Love Workshop

Where in this all day event, you will learn what love really is, how to have it, get it and keep it without fear.

Awakening to True Love Workshop
An All-day Event Coming to You
$495.00

Drawing from ancient Toltec wisdom, don Miguel Ruiz’s work, The Mastery of Love, other texts and new thought, St. Paul’s Free University’s David M. Masters, in cooperation with your hosts are bringing this 1 day love, romance and relationship seminar which will change the way you love and look at all your relationships.

Following this event, you can choose whether to practice

TOXIC LOVE

OR

TRUE LOVE

Eliminate the poison that spreads the highly contagious disease of toxic love that promotes possessiveness, jealousy, envy, suspicion, bitterness, dishonesty, controlling, abuse, judging others and yourself.

Instead, you will learn to love unconditionally and have true love in your intimate relationships amidst a society dominated by the disease of love.

You will find the source of the power of true love emanates from within your heart and does not come from outside yourself. Thinking that love comes from anywhere else is the lie that germinates the disease of toxic love’s seeds.

In this 1-day event, you will

  • Learn to forgive and love yourself as you learn about and eradicate the poisonous disease of toxic love.
  • Discover your inner strengths and realize the opinion of others, criticisms or expectations have no effect on or power over you.
  • Eliminate the risk of betrayal as true love’s trust cannot be broken.
  • Get to know you, who you are and who you were in your youth prior to the installation of this toxic, deceitful and manipulative viral software.
  • Get in touch with your inner beauty and purity as you share your true love for another with your newfound peace and serenity from within.

Your true love accepts others just the way they are; without criticism, opinions, or judgment.

Awakening to true love in self-awareness, self-love and self-forgiveness empower you to accept yourself, love your reflection in the mirror, loving in your relationships whether they be with your spouse, friends or relatives but most of all learning to love yourself regardless of what anybody else thinks or says.

 

Learn how to love yourself and by extension everyone and everything else that is out there in our universe.

Awakening to True Love Workshop

Advanced ticket sales only. Reserve your spot today. Seating for this event is limited

* All ticket sales are final. No refunds or exchange.

 

The Top 40 Reasons Love Does Not Exist

Many people don’t believe in love and believe that love doesn’t exist.

Prior to attending our Awakening to True Love Workshop, here are the top 40 reasons love does not exist:

1. If you fall in love with someone it is only based on your perception of that person at the time. It is unrealistic to think they could be like that in real life. When you find out, the love you had fades away.

2. Love is lust’s wanting to own and control someone else for regular source of sex supply.

3. Being in love is the same chemical reaction in humans as eating a volume of chocolate.

4. Love is a repackaging of a system that justifies manipulation and control to get what you want from someone else.

5. Love victimizes the person in a relationship that is weaker.

6. Love is an excuse used to encourage someone to play the martyr in the name of love.

7. People are selfish, so they use love to get what they need.

8. People who are in long-term relationships only survive because one of them gives up and gives in to make it last.

9. Love brings nothing but pain and disappointment.

10. Love can bring happiness but only for a while, then it fades and disappears altogether.

11. If you deeply love someone else, they will disrespect you and always be looking for someone else to make them feel good, no matter how hard you try.

12. If people could commit and keep their word, love could be possible, because they cannot, it is not.

13. My parents said they loved each other, got married, had us, were never happy and are divorced. There is no such thing as love.

14. Scientists have proven there is no such thing as love. It is a chemical reaction in the brain associated with the hormone called Oxytocin.

15. Since there is no concrete definition of love, what it is, what it means, two different people could not plausibly share the so called, “love.”

16. The feeling of love may last for a moment, but not for long, then it’s time to move on to the next one.

17. Long-lasting love isn’t anything more than a fairy tale told by fantasizing mothers to their daughters.

18. One’s ability to love changes with their moods, so there is no such thing as true love. You love when you feel good, not so much when you’re not feeling good.

19. Love requires trust. Since you cannot ever really trust anyone else, you can’t have love.

20. Look at the rate of divorce, it tells you love is not real.

21. People who are married for a long time fake it to make it.

22. I won’t ever love somebody, because I am honest. No one can love an honest person. If you want love, you must be a liar.

23. Back in the day they came up with the idea of love an marriage as a way to survive on the farm. Now, we know better.

24. If anyone could have loved me, I would believe. Since no one could do it, I don’t believe in it.

25. I believe I can love someone but cannot believe anyone can love me, like I can love them, so there is no love it if it is one-sided.

26. If you fall in love with someone, get ready to have your heart broken, lose everything and never believe in love again.

27. Being in love with someone is foolish and dangerous. Only an idiot would fall in love, and I’ve been an idiot more than once. Not doing it again.

28. Love is an outdated dream, that cannot be realized in modern times.

29. Men do not have a capacity or capability to love, so cross-sexual love is not possible.

30. The idea of love is inside your head and cannot be realized in real life. Love is an illusion.

31. You can love everyone, or no one, but you will never find “the one” you can love forever. That is ridiculous.

32. Love is not love, it is an addiction. You can’t help looking for love because you’re addicted to it, and you will never find enough of it to satisfy once an for all.

33. People fall in love with things that fade with the time and end up being in love with what doesn’t exist (or may have existed earlier).

34. If you’re saving your love for the perfect person, forget it no one is perfect.

35. Why does everyone even talk about love? It’s just a word you say, when you want to get laid.

36. Love implies commitment. No one can commit to anything in our disposable society today.

37. In humans, love is polyamorous. To expect monogamy from a species designed to enjoy multiple partners is just wrong.

38. True love is really only lust that morphs into friendship and may be survivable in the long run, if you’re willing to lower your expectations.

39. Love is a government imposed scam to create more taxpayers and consumers.

40. There is no such thing as love. If true love were possible, you wouldn’t be asking me that question, would you?

Why do you think love doesn’t exist?

See you at the Soulmate Wizardry event.