Love Talk

When you’re contemplating getting into a romantic relationship, you might consider having the Love Talk with your prospective mate, and if you’re already in a relationship and you haven’t had the Love Talk, yet, do it tonight.

Tonight is the perfect night to go out to dinner and have the Love Talk.

What should you include in the Love Talk?

Here are some ideas to include in your Love Talk tonight:

Where are we going?

Ask your prospective partner what he or she thinks this relationship is leading to? It may be awkward, but you should get your expectations about this relationship out on the table, and you want to know what your partner’s intentions are. If you can the two of you are going to be together, ask your partner, “Where do you see us in five years?” Then ask yourself as well.

What about the Benjamins?

Money is the number one reason relationships break down and fall apart. Talking about money issues at the outset of a relationship can help to avoid the pitfalls and incongruency about finances in the future. Know which money type you are and get to know about your partner’s relationships with the greenbacks. Don’t be shy about asking about bankruptcy, outstanding student loans, and other financial obligations.

Want to have sex?

You want to establish the parameters of your sexual relationship as soon as possible. If you are intending to be in a monogamous relationship you need to be open about this with your partner, and you both need to agree that your relationship is exclusive and includes monogamy. Otherwise, if no clear definition is agreed to, there is no injustice of infidelity if one of you engages in the sex act with someone else. Also talk about other things regarding sex, including expected frequency and fantasies (you don’t want to be surprised when your partner brings someone over to have a threesome). You want to be a match in the bedroom.

How are we going to communicate?

Communication, or the lack of it, is another leading cause of the deterioration of an otherwise healthy romantic relationship. Talking about how you might handle challenging or difficult conversations in the future can put you miles ahead of others who struggle to talk about things when the going gets rough. Create a safe process in advance. Make a plan that you can refer to in the event (when) the need arises to have an important but uncomfortable conversation.

What was life like growing up?

Talk about it now with your partner over dinner, or later in the therapist’s office at a high hourly cost, and possibly at the cost of your relationship, as the way we were brought up, our experiences with friends, relatives, and previous lovers, all have an impact on how we love someone else in our closest of relationships. Be open, compassionate, non-judgmental, and aware. This information can be invaluable in helping this relationship move forward in a positive energetic flow, or give you clues to seeing trouble ahead so that you can be prepared to handle things better if, and when, they come up.

Do you want to get married?

Knowing whether either one or both of you have a desire to marry someday can be important information to have early on in any relationship. Any way the balancing act goes, whether one does, and one doesn’t, both of you don’t want to marry, or both of you want to marry, just the establishment and knowingness of how it is can be extremely helpful. Even if it’s too early to know if you or your current partner are the participants in any given scenario, whether it includes matrimony or not.

Disingenuous Lovers

Disingenuous lovers include those who are insensitive, having little ability to possess or share the heartfelt love that you might have, and will also include partners who approach love from completely different perspectives, these are the survivors, manipulators, and predators, among others.

With all the attempts to try to find a suitable partner who can love you in the very same way that you can love him or her, still there can exist an incompatibility in the type and style of love and loving which you share. Sometimes you discover yourself unequally yoked with a disingenuous or fake love.

Probably the most difficult part of finding a vibrationally matched lover, one that approaches the idea of love in a way that is harmonious with you, is so elusive, sometimes we just give-in, compromise, and accept what is more attainable, then work out the details later in the relationship.

The earlier in your relationship that you are able to identify the energetic love vibration which is incompatible with you, the better. Regardless of when the identification becomes aware to you, and you or your partner take the action(s) necessary to lead to the relationship’s cessation, the process of disengagement and disconnection can be quite painful for either or both parties in the relationship which has become unmanageable.

Insensitive People

Those people who are less sensitive than the rest of us, may have limited capacity for love and the feelings which are associated with love and romantic relationships. While they are able to connect to another person, their ability to connect is somewhat limited, therefore they are not easily hurt when the relationship begins to uncouple or fall apart.

Insensitive people are not bad people, even though they can easily be demonized when the relationship begins to deteriorate, and they are not as moved emotionally as the other partner might be. It’s easy to assume they don’t care, are mean, or evil, even though their motives may be absent of malice. Lacking in capacity does not make them bad people, it’s just the way they are.

This type of coupling, the sensitive with the insensitive, is not uncommon as in the courting process, these opposites are generally attracted to each other. Insensitive people can change and become more sensitive over time, but the sensitive partner cannot change them (so give up on any expectation that you might be able make him or her more sensitive, this is a solo part of the journey for the insensitive).

Survivors

Survivors are those who will do or say anything in order to survive. This was a far more popular motivator in the acquisition of love and finding a suitable mate in our not too distant past. In a time when it was difficult for a single person of low or normal means there existed a great deal of importance focused on finding someone to cohabitate with or marry to prevent homelessness or being shunned by society.

Even though in modern times we embrace the idea of being able to survive (and sometimes thrive) as adult singles, there are still those who seek out a mate to enhance their ability to enjoy the basic necessities of life.

Manipulators

Manipulators take the idea of surviving to the next level. They desire not only to survive but to benefit greatly from their matchmaking efforts. They find suitable mates based on what they can bring to the relationship which is highly sought after by the manipulative love-seeker, who may also lean toward narcissism.

They have an uncanny ability to pour on the charm to persuade the object of their affection that he or she is indeed, “the one.” The answer to all your hopes and dreams in terms of love, and we all, regardless of our station in life, desire and long to be loved, therefore may fall victim to this type of manipulation in the courting process.

Predators

Predators are those who maliciously exploit the unsuspecting tender hearts to their benefit, using romance and the promise of love to defraud or abuse their love-prey for their own satisfaction. These are most likely the predatory sociopaths and psychopaths who are just out to exploit love-seekers for whatever they can get.

With the least ability to have compassion or feelings, they are especially gifted in their skills as users and abusers. They will only leave when your supply has been exhausted and you are no further use for them, or you have identified them, insulated and separated yourself from them.

Let ’em Go

Even though it can be painful and difficult to let the disingenuous lover go, let him or her go.

If your love is not recipricated and/or not a match for you, let him go. You are not obligated to stay in a relationship without love. Set yourself free and open for love.

Not to do so, is self-abuse and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Stay Open

Not to cast a dark could on your love seeking, because there are authentic genuine lovers who are perusing the landscape of people in search of you and your unique ability to love and be loved.

Stay open and aware that there are more people whom you are incompatible with than those with whom you are compatible with to varying degree in terms of your unique love vibration.

Don’t be in a hurry or try to rush things, as he or she may not be perfectly aligned with you at the moment. Your soul mate may be looking for you while in the process of working on his or her alignment, just as you are, in this moment.

When you are both a vibrational match, you will find yourselves looking into each other’s eyes.

I Just Got Dumped!

It happens… We get all enamored and create a connection with someone who has something else in mind and they announce the time has come for them to go (or they just disappear into the darkness) and you just can’t believe, “I just got dumped!”

Understandably, when someone you cared about deeply suddenly exits your life it is painful and may be complicated by the degree of surprise which might come into play if you didn’t see it coming.

Some other issues that might come into play may be due to the guilt which might be felt by the exiting partner. If there exists a high degree of guilt at play, there might be a flood of false accusations hurled toward you to justify the departure of the exiting partner. Just remember, if you are blamed for their leaving you, these accusations are highly over-exaggerated in an effort to make him or her feel better about bailing out on you.

Try not to take it personally (when little else could be more personal) when they try to blame you for everything they can possibly think of to make you look and feel as bad as they can possibly make you feel.

The good news is, this person just bailed out on you.

Now you know what kind of person this really was. You probably had no idea that he or she was the kind of person who would just walk out on you and leave you holding the bag, like that. Now you know.

Thank God, you know now, and are not finding out much later, when the stakes could have been much higher.

It’s not much consolation at the beginning of the separation when your feelings are running amok due to the fierce rejection and sense of betrayal which may be overwhelming in the moment.

Keep in mind that you are the best person you know. You know this because you would have never done this to him or her. You loved and trusted, got stabbed in the back, and discarded like yesterday’s trash. You are a loving, special, and adorable person and just because someone doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean you’re any less the person that you know you are.

“If one person doesn’t love you, someone else will love you. There’s always someone else.” ~ don Miguel Ruiz

Obviously, he or she was not good enough for you. You deserve only your highest and best in a mate, someone who will love, care and cherish you just as much (if not more, which would be crazy) as you do. The best love is reciprocal.

You can enthusiastically be grateful for the opportunity to find your highest and best in a mate, your soul mate. Someone who is perfectly matched for your best life which is waiting for you. This soul mate will not be perfect, for none of us are, but this person will be perfect for you, even including his or her imperfections.

This perfect matching calls in the sacred opportunity to grow and expand together without causing each other harm. Instead, you hold each other up, celebrating everything about each other as heart-to-heart and hand-in-hand you traverse the various road conditions encountered along the journey of your lives both individually and together.

And you are blessed.

None of this would have been possible if you weren’t dumped.

So thankful he or she left.

Show Appreciation

One of the best ways to keep your love alive in your relationship is to continuously find ways to show appreciation for your partner. It’s so easy to let a love go stale when everything is going good and easy but don’t let your beautiful lake view turn into a swamp by restricting the flow of fresh, new appreciation to keep your lake of love vibrant and alive.

Letting your partner know he or she is not taken for granted is very meaningful and just taking the time to show appreciation helps to keep those love hormones alive, increasing the bond between partners.

You can show appreciation without a great deal of fanfare and still increase love’s bond by…

Talking About Your Partner

Simply taking the time to ask your partner about his or her day, letting them say whatever it is they need to say, echo it back in your own words, and ask for more. Resisting the temptation to jump in and talk about yourself and keeping the focus entirely on him or her releases Oxytocin which is widely known as the bonding hormone. In fact, most, if not all, efforts to show appreciation releases Oxytocin in the brain which endears your partner to you, and it goes both ways. You also receive a dose of Oxytocin from making the effort to show appreciation to your partner. Note: you get extra credit for turning off your phone during a one-on-one conversation.

Attentive Compliments

If you pay attention to your partner’s life throughout the day you can take note of some of the little things that endear you to him or her, things that are often overlooked or taken for granted. Later in the evening you can review those things and pick one or two (or three) and compliment your partner on these things that you are grateful for. This helps to keep your love alive.

Do Something Your Partner Wants to Do

We all know that opposites attract and more than likely your partner would love to do something that is not on your bucket list (and it might be on your activities-I’d-rather-avoid list of things not to do). Taking the initiative of offering to attend an event or engage in an activity with your partner that he or she knows you’d rather not do, is a great way to show your support and appreciation.

Lend a Hand

When you know your partner is knee-deep in a project that is trying their attention and may be moving their vibrational frequency toward stress, offer to help. You may, or may not, be able to help but offering your assistance can make all the difference. Think of other ways you might be able to relieve a little stress by rubbing his or her shoulders, a foot rub, or running a hot bubble bath for him or her. This communicates both support and appreciation, letting your partner know that his or her efforts are not taken for granted.

Play Dress Up

It’s easy to get stuck in the same ol’ same ol’ routine, play dress up, have a glam night and get duded-up for either a night out on the town or a candlelight dinner at home. If you set up a dress up even with a degree of spontaneity without any special event or occasion attached to it, this can add a little spice to your life and increase your attachment and intimacy. Of course, there are other forms of dress up, you can be creative and use your imagination, keeping your relationship fresh and new.

Digital Thoughtfulness

We all can be easily caught up in the daily details of making our way through life. You can let your partner know that he or she is appreciated by reaching out with a little nonchalant effort of recognition in the middle of his or her workday by letting your partner know that you appreciate him or her in a brief test or private message. Embrace available technologies that let you take advantage of the ability to connect with your partner, without having to interrupt him or her when they might be in the middle of something intense.

Flowers and Chocolates

To add emphasis to your show of appreciation you can add flowers (for women) or chocolates (for men) to add that little extra something to your admiration. This is a given for special occasions but it is far more meaningful when unexpected, for no other reason than you care deeply.

Show Appreciation in Public

Three times the Oxytocin is released when you recognize your partner in public vs. in private.

When you’re in a group with other people, sharing your appreciation for your partner in a public setting in front of other people as a way to recognize him or her, goes a long way in strengthening the bond of love between you.

I Don’t Want to Fake Love Anymore

Every once and a while I meet with someone who says something like, “I’m just not feeling it anymore.” They’re with someone who they once felt like they were in love with but nowadays, they feel like they’re just going through the motions and faking it. They’re uncomfortable and say, “I don’t want to fake love anymore.”

When you feel like saying,

I don’t want to fake love anymore

What can you do?

First off, you must know that love is a modulating frequency which goes up and down, in a constant state of flux. Just like the tide, love has ebb and flow. Sometimes it goes out and the beach is dry, other times love comes rushing in, like a flood.

It’s common to reach a dry spell in your relationship, when you’re feeling like you’re engaged in a false love relationship. Sometimes it feels like you’re faking your love for your partner, sometimes you’re wondering if your partner is faking his or her affections toward you.

One thing you can do is to ask yourself, “What does love mean to me?”

You’re entitled to have and hold your own definition of love. If you choose to believe that love is only that exuberant feeling of passionate desire, then that is your choice, and you will probably have a long line of successive relationships to capture and try to sustain that kind of love.

On the other hand, if you’re definition of love leans more toward longer-term relationships, you will recognize and honor love’s ebb and flow.

Let’s say you’re at your peak, you’re an Adonis or Aphrodite (which we all are, of course) and your partner has become slightly less desirable to you, no problem, there’s always someone waiting in the wings for their turn with you. Even so, you might consider the, “What if?”

What if something happened to you? What if you were in an accident, suffered disfiguring wounds (emotional or physical), lost your good looks, health, or fell ill? What then?

Would you want to be with someone who would stand by you no matter what because they love you, even if you’re not on your best game, even when times get rough? Or would you rather your partner seek out someone whom he or she felt was more desirable in that moment?

A wise lover gives the love he or she desires.

Can you prevent yourself from falsely loving someone else?

If you really want to love the person you’re with, then you just have to do it. Love your partner even when you’re not feeling it. Love is an energetic continuum of unlimited supply.

When you’re not feeling the love, fake it.

I know, you’re thinking I didn’t understand the question, but I did.

When you’re not feeling the love, engage in the activities, yes, go through the motions, acting as if you feel the love just as much as you did before. You can call it false love, or faking it, play-acting, or put any label on it you want, but something magical happens when you love someone in this manner…

Your efforts are rewarded with the feelings of love from the endless supply of love which permeates all things. Before you know it, as you act out your love in the absence of the feelings, the feelings begin to return.

If you keep doing those things that you did when you felt deeply in love, the feelings return and then some, opening the doors to new possibilities as you pass through thresholds leading to even greater love.

Or, you could just go find someone else and see where that leads you.

If you don’t want to fake love anymore, just go through the motions (not because you hate having to do it, but) because you love your partner, and the feelings will come back, and even more.

Loving How to Communicate in Love

Heartfelt communication can make the difference between sweet love and love crisis in love and romance. How you share those most important issues any normal couple faces amidst your love life makes all the difference in love and loving. How to communicate in love with compassion is the doorway leading to the next level in your love’s exponential potential.

Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt created a loving technique which helps you understand how to communicate in love and relationships called the Imalgo Dialogue or “safe conversation.” This is a process of moving through communicative exchange between two people which engenders loving how to communicate in love.

Here is a basic structure you can follow to experience what it is like to engage in the loving communication model.

Let’s say your partner has something important to say to you. If you want to use this safe conversation model to have a deeper level of connection and communication with your partner, oversimplified, it would go something, like this:

1. Tell me about it.

Allow your partner to tell his or her story.

2. That’s interesting. What else?

Now, you’re inviting your partner to delve deeper into their story.

3. How does that make you feel?

This is safely inviting your partner to share how they feel, which is often overlooked in conversation, unless it is exposed when negative communication styles erupt emotionally.

4. Is there more?

Let’s face it, we’re all a little protective about how we feel. This is a safely guarded spot in our heart, where we hide our feelings. Being invited by your partner to express any underlying, deeper emotion, is not only increasing your connection, it also enables you to examine and rationalize what might be underneath why you are feeling the way you’re feeling.

5. Let me see if I’ve got that.

This is when you restate your partner’s story, and how they feel about the issue at hand in your own words, trying to see it from his or her point of view, including how he or she feels about it.

6. Is that right?

This invites your partner to make any corrections to your attempt to understand his or her point of view. Let hi or her correct you, then repeat go back to step 5. Repeat as necessary, until your partner indicates that you have a good understanding of his or her perspective and feelings regarding the topic at hand.

7. Is there more?

This introduces a loop back to step 4 which might appear to be redundant but actually, your partner has often uncovered more about the topic of this discussion, discovered new information, and found links to other emotional issues from the past. There may be new information to share.

When all is said and done, you can lovingly let your partner know,

“I see how that make sense. And understanding that, I see that it could make you feel…” fully supporting him or her without interrupting, challenging, or judgment. This is compassion in action.

You can find out more about the Imalgo Dialogue in Getting the Love You Want, A Guide for Couples by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt.

7 Phases of Love

Romantic relationships can the most exhilarating experiences of your life, they can also be very dramatic. If you can make it through the 7 phases of love, you can have the breakthrough bliss of the expanded and evolved couple and share your love with the world.

Phase 1: Falling in Love

The first phase is what gets us into relationships in the first place. It’s that exciting time when this person makes your heart soar and you’re higher than a kite (actually you are because you’re overdosing on love hormones, like dopamine and oxytocin.

In your honeymoon daze, you see all your wants, needs, and desires fulfilled by this person, and you project your dreams upon your love interest, therefore he or she appears to be your dream come true.

Phase 2: Coupling

Following some time of falling in love with someone, the two of you agree that you are somehow meant to be with each other and you go about the business of building a relationship together.

In the coupling phase, you’re getting to know each other better and beginning to see what life would be like as a couple. You begin building real appreciation and a sense of secure bonding is taking place as your relationship moves beyond surface issues and begins to deepen.

Phase 3: Sober Up

One day you wake up and ask yourself, “Who is this?” man or woman whom I’ve aligned myself with? The love hormones are wearing thin, and you’re starting to see him or her as he or she really is, and you think this isn’t the person you fell in love with.

You’ve been together long enough to feel comfortable enough to speak your piece about how your partner is not what you thought he or she was, and your partner returns in kind, as the green grass on the other side of the fence seems so very attractive.

Phase three is the place where most relationships break down, as either one or both parties feel like living life, like this, would be unbearable, though some push-through to the next phase.

Phase 4: Deepening

In phase four, one or both parties feel as though the relationship is worth pursuing, instead of posturing for control or splitting up, they seek to find healthier, more mature ways to look at life shared by two individuals, working thorough problems and disagreements while finding effective solutions without compromising their connection.

This is the make it or break it phase as the partners are more transparent and open with each other, moving forward with increased vulnerability, so things can get a bit messy, but by supporting each other with openness and honesty, sharing and caring, real growth and maturity of each individual can be immense, and the surviving couple thrives as they grow and change both as individuals and as a unified force.

Phase 5: Genuine Bonding

This is when the age-old charge, “the two shall become one,” feels like real romantic love fulfilled. When you’ve reached phase five, your phase one expectations seem silly in comparison, because now you see your unique combination as an expanded entity, an extension of both you and your partner’s lives, with endless opportunities.

If you’ve been resistant to the idea of marriage before, once you’ve reached phase five, you start entertaining the thought of getting married, embracing the idea that you could, and would prefer to, live the rest of your life in a relationship, like this.

Phase 6: Comfort

Phase six is where it gets tricky because you’re comfortable. You’ve made it through phases one through five and living your life with this other person is good, pleasant, and good enough, but left on idle for awhile this comfort can lead to complacency.

Some time has passed and it looks as though you’ve fallen into an endless recurring routine and the relationship has lost its sheen. This is yet another phase where one of the parties might be looking for the exit sign leading to a little more excitement.

Not to worry, all advanced couples reach this stage (it is commonly referred to as the seven-year-itch, though it could come at any time) and you could also seek to rekindle the flame of true love and find yourself headed for the final phase of romantic love.

Phase 7: True and Enduring Love

You have weathered the storms of life in love together and hand-in-hand you have persevered, broken through barriers, shared epiphanies, expanded and ever-evolving as individuals and as a unified force in and for love.

You have established a meaningful relationship in perfect push/pull harmony which is a delicate balance to maintain but it is so worth it. You welcome the challenges, and when things get tough, you are more apt to lean in and trust your partner, who has been there for you as your love has withstood the test of time.

Openness, honesty, and trust are reciprocal and there is no greater sense of safety and security, and others look on with awe.

From this phase of love, the two of you combined can impact the world for the greater good, as your love inspires others, giving them hope as they aspire to build true and enduring love relationships.

The two of you are separately and “as one flesh” living your best life and making the world a better place.

How Do You Know You Love Someone?

Who’s your best friend? If it’s your partner, you’re in love.

How do you know you love someone?

You feel ecstatic as if you took a hit of drugs because, in essence, you have. When you’re in love the same hormones are released just as when you get high on cocaine.

Being in love boosts your immune system making your more resistant to disease and is a natural pain reliever. Less pain and faster recovery from aches and pains. That’s the healing power of love at work.

Increased eye contact indicates you’re in love. It’s as if you’re looking at your partner’s soul and connecting with it, as well as seeing your own reflection in his or her eyes.

Being in love makes you more self-confident, willing to take risks, and try new things with and for your partner, or for the growth and benefit of your relationship together.

When your partner is happy, you are just as happy for your partner. His or her happiness makes you feel happy.

True love can also introduce a degree of stress due to your desire to be the best you can be and to find ways to demonstrate expressions of your love, dependability, trustworthiness, and support, which increases cortisol levels. You’re going to feel a little more anxious and stressful about “doing the right thing” and “being there” for your partner.

When you’re in love, you’re likely to do just about anything for your partner.

You look forward to your shared time together as the best part of your day.

What’s the first thing you think about in the morning? If this happens at night, and whenever something good happens, your partner is the first person you want to tell, and when something bad happens, this is also the person you look to for help, you can thank your brain for releasing phenylethylamine because you’re in love.

If you’re in the habit of putting the needs and priorities of your partner before your own, you’re in love.

When you think about your plans for the future, you see your partner’s participation of predominant importance. You just expect him or her to be there.

Public displays of affection (PDA) are predominant. You’re not afraid to let you love be seen by others.

Your partner’s shortcomings are adorable. Their quirkiness which might seem odd when you’re getting to know someone are those special qualities that endear you, even more, when you’re in love.

Your partner inspires you to be the best version of yourself. You’re interested in personal growth and want to make a contribution in honor of how your partner makes you feel about putting your best foot forward. You want to be and do better.

True love is unconditional. That means you feel like, “I love you no matter what.” No matter what your partner does, whatever challenges you or your partner might face, you love your partner even more. Your love does not waver and is not affected by situations or circumstances.

Gratitude for Your Partner

This is the time of year to look back and review how things have gone for you this year. It’s easy to see the things that have not worked out the way you might have wanted to, but make sure to also review those things that you are also grateful for. By all means, don’t forget to look at the one that is closest to you. Think about all the things your partner brings to your life for which you are grateful, and be sure to express gratitude for your partner.

Showing appreciation for your partner is a powerful method of shoring up the bond between the two of you as a couple. Small gestures of you expressing gratitude for your partner can go a long way. You often feel gratitude, and you assume your partner “just knows” how grateful you are, but unexpressed gratitude is rarely, if ever, properly acknowledged by the person who means so much to you.

Certainly, there are particular times of the year which offer reminders and opportunities to show your partner how thankful you are for them walking along with you on your path of life. There is your anniversary (which some people insist on celebrating monthly), Valentine’s Day, his or her birthday, and of course, around the holiday season.

What about the rest of the year?

The most successful couples are celebrating each other, show appreciation for one another every day. This expression of gratitude for your partner pays off in increased bonding, emotional connection, and deepening of intimacy.

Seems like showing a little gratitude for your partner is not much to ask. If you’re shy, or find the idea of speaking out your gratefulness, there are other ways you can show your partner how thankful you are to have him or her in your life.

You could write a little note with a cute saying on it. Make it meaningful and about him or her, something you appreciate, specifically, and leave it somewhere they will find it.

Little touches, just a finger along the arm, gently brushing a leg, a little hug, or kiss on the forehead. Little connections, not associated with any sexual intention, say, “I appreciate you,” and lets the other person know you care.

Inquire about time spent apart. Like, “How was your day, today?” You might be surprised to find a lot more going on outside your view than you thought. And showing a little compassion by actively listening and caring about what has gone on in your absence helps your partner think that life is not going on without you when you’re away. After a while, he or she is looking forward to sharing details about your day, and throughout the day, they feel as though you are there, supporting them, and feel a sense of security in knowing that you will be interested in this, or that, and be somewhat excited to share when you ask.

Make special time to spend with your partner more often. Sure, date night is a great idea, but a little cuddling (without cell phones or other devices) at night in front of the glow of the television (the fireplace of the current day) can go a long way.

Take the time, and exert the effort to truly listen to what he or she has to say. Be quiet and look at him or her when he or she is talking. Listen intently, making eye contact, and repeat important ideas to him or her in your own words, in support and with the intention of understanding what it is he or she is trying to say.

Do something special, without having to be asked. If you are not the one who normally does the dishes, jump in and give ‘em a wash. Detail his or her car. Make dinner. Do a little something-something that is an unexpected gift from your heart to his or hers.

Add supportive power to your relationship when your partner is having a difficult time, hold his or her hand, look you partner in the eye and offer him or her your assurance, “I love you,” and remind him or her that, “It’s you and me against the world.” And, “I’m here for you, no matter what.” If you really want to ramp up your appreciation and love, dare to add, “You’re the most important person in my life, I am blessed to have you here. I would do anything for you.” (Of course, use your own words, if this doesn’t sound like what you might say.)

Express gratitude for your partner in private, but also be bold enough to show great appreciation for your partner in public, in front of family, friends, and co-workers. This will cement the bond between the two of you, and increase intimacy (you’ll see that later, in private).

How to Talk About Love and Money

The key to the successful love relationship is to be able to get ahold of yourself, open the line of communication and how to talk about love and money.

In the romantic relationship, the issue of money matters is the number one reason for the relational breakdown and the decline of the love relationship, leading to a breakup, broken hearts, wounded people, dejection, and divorce.

Opposing points of view do not necessarily indicate an impasse.

When something presents itself to the relationship which is connected to the money issue, seek to be empathetic, to put yourself in your partner’s shoes, to understand, feel, or imagine what it might look like from his or her perspective, while compassionately expressing your point of view.

Even though how you feel about money is a closely guarded emotionally charged core value, do not be afraid to get to know what it is, in detail, and be willing to communicate and express the intimate details about how you feel about money to your partner in a safe environment. And don’t wait for a money crisis to do so. It may be too late at that point to have avoided a potential irreconcilable difference.

When reviewing your own money style, ask yourself if this way of thinking really serves you? Does it serve the relationship? Does it usher in the opportunity for abundance or a better life? Is your style of dealing with money restrictive or expansive?

Only you can determine what is the perfect way to feel about or deal with issues surrounding money. It will take some effort, work, digging deep within yourself, while learning about your partner’s money issues, too, and you can do this.

Once you have a handle on the issue, seek a way that you both can emerge from this as winners. For instance, if one of the partners wants to go on a vacation and the other wants to save money, keep talking. Even though it appears that these are on opposite ends of the spectrum, you can look for ways that you can take a vacation and save money at the same time: Win/win.

Don’t think of win/win as a compromise because it is not. It’s learning and growing through a potential challenge and emerging in a more elevated conclusion advancing your union further, while coming closer together.

Realizing and understanding that both parties bring to the relationship money values to which they are deeply connected. These are deep emotional connections which have developed over a lifetime, and truth be known, is more connected to familial influence or survival instincts, and may be rooted in a sense of lack.

The loving relationship can assist in the emergence of a truly independent and more advanced evolutionary approach to dealing with money issues which is a higher and more integrous concept of money and how to deal with it. Thanks to the relationship, if you can push through money issues and not walk (or run) away, you can develop your own independent money values, free from the past, while retaining the good stuff.

If you think about it, you can probably see the connection between how you feel about money and how your parents dealt with money issues, and depending on the age of your parents, when you were growing up and establishing your own money type, this probably had a huge influence on whether you became primarily a saver, or a spender.

It’s often a healthy idea for a couple to have three bank accounts, one for each partner, and a joint account representing the majority (say, 90%) of the joint income. This allows for each partner to maintain a degree of financial independence and freedom to exercise their own needs and desires without having to explain themselves every time they make an expenditure.

Remember, that when dealing with financial issues in a relationship, there really is no right or wrong way to approach money, just different ways, and they’re all okay. Don’t be too quick to judge your partner’s money type just because it varies from yours. It can often be helpful and advantageous for two different money types to be in a relationship together, bringing balance and harmony to the overall financial outlook of the couple.

Every couple is different, and their money solutions will vary. You have to figure out what works best for you and your relationship while expanding love and not letting it deteriorate.

It’s really all about trust. Trusting each other and yourselves.