Romantic Manipulation

Romance is such a cluster… who in the world could figure it out? Is it a mating ritual? Is it manipulation and grooming? Is it an expression of love, or the steps to claim ownership or gain control of another person? And what’s love got to do with it?

If we take a look at nature (a live system without sociological control mechanisms put in place to control these life forms) there does appear to be signs of mating rituals which are highly instinctual. That offers a substantial basis for romance as a mating ritual.

Observing nature, the instinctive ritual is highly manipulative and targeted at one specific goal; to get laid.

Procreation is also an added benefit of getting laid in nature, it keeps the cycle moving along…

Then there are us, the “highly evolved” inhabitants of this planet striving to hook up and find greater meaning in all that life has to offer, some of us more than others.

For us, romance seems to be connected to our instinctual quest for survival under the best possible circumstances, so we’re attracted to particular characteristics and signs which would indicate successful survival.

When entertaining the idea of mate selection, we evaluate a wide variety of indicators, such as genetic cues, like good looks, and healthy appearance, as well as specific personality traits, intelligence and body image, as these, will be passed on to potential offspring.

Then there is the safety and security we seek, so we look for monetary stability, which may include familial money, a good job, retirement, and benefits. Indicators of success and stability are fancy cars, jewelry, designer clothing, and accessories. Other indicators might include certain fragrances, hairstyles, nails, and makeup.

We use these things as clues to reveal someone’s worthiness of our romantic attention.

The trick here is that knowing that the indicators of success will likely reduce the resistance of the sifting and sorting of prospective mates, there are individuals who will sacrifice all to attain the key indicators to manipulate others so that they can get laid, which is all quite normal in nature.

Manipulation is a method imposed on an individual so as to create the desired response. Official definitions of manipulation include the skillful, clever, unfair, and dishonest tactics used to influence or control someone.

The problem is that when someone has been duped into falling in love in another’s quest to get laid, therein lies the rub.

Love is unquestionably the strongest emotion of all, even if it is misinterpreted and ill-defined, it still is highly connected to the heart which science is now revealing is a physical component more powerful than the brain.

Love is the most powerful drug among us, and our bodies have it racing inside us looking for opportunities to release itself. We want it, we crave it, and spend our lives in search of it. Only to find that it can never be obtained outside our selves.

Some of us are opting out of romantic manipulation and into higher concepts of love and its associated vibrations.

If you are tired of the endless search for love that will never satisfy your craving for it, you might like to consider looking at love in an entirely new way, empowering you to manifest all the unlimited unconditional love you could possibly imagine.

You might consider attending an Awakening to True Love Workshop at a location near you.

Top 10 Manipulations

People who have suffered manipulation by another person often jump to the conclusion that labeling the manipulator as a Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath, or some other diagnosis along the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum is warranted. While manipulation is used by folks who are antisocial, we all use manipulation to get what we want, even with the best of intentions. It really comes down to motive, like, was the manipulation malicious in nature, or not?

We all learn from a very early age how to manipulate parents, caretakers and playmates to get what we want. It doesn’t make a child with keen skills of manipulation a narcissist; it just means that the child has learned, “When I do this, I can get that.” That is what I want, and this is the way I can get what I want. Manipulation is a learned behavior by experimentation.

Then sometimes we manipulate others to change their behavior or get what we want with the best of intentions. Though we don’t think of it as manipulation, any reward or punishment arrangement is clearly manipulative.

Our entire social structure is incredibly manipulative. We are all programmed to act, believe or think in a particular manner via manipulation by parents, teachers, and peers, local, state and federal governmental systems.

Top 10 Manipulations

1. Quid Pro Quo

Quid pro quo is a tool used by manipulators where an agreement is made whereby you agree to something (an action or allowance) in exchange for something in return. In an integrous agreement this kind of give and take is reasonable. The manipulator bargains for something now from you, with a promise to provide their part of the agreement in the future. Manipulators often promise, but rarely keep their word for their part of the bargain, but are quite satisfied that they got what they wanted.

2. Just Do It

Manipulators often exercise their desires without prior approval because they see a potential negotiation as problematic. Their mantra is, “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission.” They are likely to either do something – or not do something – with little regard for others, insisting that “The past is the past,” and it’s, “My bad.” so just get over it and forgive me (or not).

3. Complimenting

Stroking your ego is a method employed by manipulators to get what they want by getting you to let down your guard. Most of us have a degree of low self esteem and we all want to feel good about ourselves and an unsolicited compliment can make us more amenable to manipulation while reeling from the praise (just enough to lower your guard) from the manipulator.

4. Conditional Performance

Conditional performance will find the manipulator rendering something promised, owed or otherwise due to you with conditions. They are using their expected and reasonable action as an opportunity to further manipulate you, with a covert indication that there may be a chance that the manipulator may withhold or not keep their part of the bargain.

5. Spotlight

A manipulator will put you on the spot by asking you for something in front of other people because you are more likely to agree in an effort to avoid any sense of conflict when other people are around.

6. Guilt

Guilt is an effective tool used in manipulation, whereby the manipulator suggests that you owe him/ her, have previously agreed to, or if you do not do what they want you to do might indicate you are noncompliant or lack morality.

7. Building Trust

Building trust to achieve a desired outcome is another manipulation tactic by setting you up for the manipulation well in advance. Through a premeditated succession of demonstrations creating affinity and trust, so that when they ask you for something, you are more likely to concede.

8. Fear

Fear of loss is used to manipulate you by making you believe that if you do not provide or do what they want, you will suffer some kind of loss. They suggest you will fall victim to some peril, punishment, or loss of personal freedom, whether the impending loss is factual or just a fanciful, unrealistic threat.

9. Compromise

Using exaggerated bargaining the manipulator will propose or ask for something over the top knowing that you will disagree to such a thing. Once you’ve adequately expressed your disapproval, the manipulator proposes a more palatable compromise, to which you are more likely to agree to, when the “compromise” is exactly what the manipulator wanted in the first place.

10. Not Asking

By not asking for something the manipulator uses the power of suggestion to get you to do or provide what they want. An extreme example would be the tearfully disturbed wife and mother says to her son, “My life is so awful, if only he were dead.” followed by a long, uncomfortable pause. The mother did not ask her son to kill her husband, but the son understands the underlying meaning and he replies, “I could kill him for you, but I wouldn’t want to run the risk of spending the rest of my life in prison.”

The hope is that early detection combined with a better understanding when you are potentially being manipulated, you can assert and protect yourself.

Even so, if you are a victim of manipulation, do not let it get to you. Try not to take it personally, because it doesn’t have anything to do with you. The manipulator is only doing what comes naturally to them. It has nothing to do with you. You were an innocent bystander selected only due to the fact you were in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place at the wrong time). If it had not been you, it could have been anyone. It had nothing to do with you, personally, even though you may feel the manipulation was targeted at you.

Forgive yourself, receive the learning hidden within the manipulation, and live a better life.