The current model marriage relationship is an evolution of marriage as compared to any previously accepted marriage model as “to love and obey” is dropped from nearly every modern day marriage vow script.
Back in the day, the man dictated how things were going to be and the wife would submit. In present-day marriage models both the man and the wife lead the relationship together, in harmony. At least, that’s the ideal, but it’s not always an easy idea to pull off, because we’re constantly struggling against our base instincts.
As much as it might work better if we were the more similar, men and women are uniquely each representative of their own genders, so they often find it problematic to find a resonate frequency where they both can vibrate in harmony.
Plus, we, all of us, bring with us our own fears, that are hidden deep down inside of us (we might not even know these things are hiding there) until it’s triggered, and the buried feeling strikes out in a knee-jerk reaction. In this moment, we may violently defend ourselves, as if our life depended on it, when there is no apparent real-life threat.
Each of us has a particular quirk we see in our partner which triggers this emotional reaction. If you are able to dig deep and find the root of the emotion (often secretly stored since childhood) we can find understanding and enlightenment. If you can work with someone to move though this process of discovery, healing and personal growth is possible, reinforcing the loving romantic bond with your spouse by going through this process.
The feelings that we hide inside and the feelings that we long to exert and share are often in conflict with each other. It’s no wonder that the closer that you get to someone, the more vulnerable you are, and these conflicts in sensory vibration become more and more apparent to the one we love.
These incongruent outbursts can catch your lover totally off-guard and make them wonder if he or she ever knew you, or wonder if you suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) or might be possessed by demons (and in many ways, this is true for most of us, even if in the most minute ways, because we all have an alternate, vulnerable and frightened version of ourselves which hides in the shadows of the deep recesses of our being).
Although you might think your partner might be crazy, he or she is probably not. Of course, if it gets particularly nasty, or physical, you are never required to avail yourself to this type of abuse. Set clear boundaries and enforce them. It may not be your calling to fix this person. If it is more than you can stand, find someone else you can refer them to, or be looking for an exit for yourself.
The key is in realizing that while emotions may be directed at you, it seems to make sense that you might want to defend yourself and challenge your lover in a battle, but the truth may be that this outburst may have little or nothing to do with you at all.
We all are a complex amalgam of a wide variety of familial and societal programming with a dash of childhood psychoses thrown in for flavor resulting in an explosive cocktail, ready to go off at any time. Many of us do a good job of keeping our inner self hidden while it continues to cook away, waiting for that particular chemical to start the chain reaction.
Some can manage keeping the explosive concoction from ever going off at any time in our lives. For those who are able to keep it hidden and subdued, their life does not last as long as those who are able to pull out the bubbling mess, examining and removing the chemicals altogether.
Fortunately, love does conquer all things, and this process can be amazing especially for a marital journey shared by two beings committed on to the other. I see more motivation to deal with these emotions and their roots among married couples, while unmarried couples are more reluctant to take of the task of dealing with what hides in the shadows of the deepest recesses of their lives.
In the best case scenario, a present day married couple can continue to bone and grow together to become one flesh, a melding of two strong individual who together create a third, more powerful entity, as if they were became a terran version of the trinity, each uniquely individual. The husband, the wife and the individual they become when they share a congruent love vibration.
A new marriage model is emerging and you can be part of the evolution of marriage, if you dare.